I Got Addicted to Heroin in Front of 1.5 Million YouTube Subscribers

don't you want this cute this video is feeding all of my pets little one is supply first is echo echo the Gecko this is Cersei just means they buy snakes are extremely therapeutic if you're feeling stressed now the cool thing about ball pythons is there's a lot of different more why are you naked in one of your video I hit a million subscribers which I never ever thought I'd have that many the situation terrifies me I don't like being unliked but it's something I got to get used to if I'm in the public you know I'm gonna mess up okay right off the bat I think this is important you hey guys and welcome back to my abandoned camp if you are a parent and you're letting your child use the iPad in the backseat of your car and you hear me talking out of the iPad right now I suggest that you change what they're watching because this video is about really bad relationships and drug abuse I probably own around 20 to 25 animals I'd agree home about 12 of them you missed you missed you missed the Crocodile Hunter was like one of my favorite shows growing up and I just really loved Steve Irwin and just the idea of being able to talk about my love for animals and entertain people at the same time seemed really cool my name is Taylor Nicole Dean and I run a YouTube channel all about how to take care of exotic animals mainly it's about showing people that even the creepy crawling ones that they think might be creepy and gross or whatever that they're actually lovable and cute really started to take off when I had my Hedgehog Nala I decided to try to make a video to link to people that told me that they were getting a hedgehog because of me he hates everyone good luck seeing his face after that original video with Nala just kept going and now I'm here what as long as hey I got a peacock feather oh no it's on my head nobody this was your first Halloween tiger as a rabbit here's an early animal picture of me with the little chick mom always took her to places where there were animals there's a little bit older one I made it for a school picture I was always homebound so I really go for like pictures and tests that I couldn't stay at home to do from fifth grade on didn't really attend school they didn't know what was wrong with me and at first I had a lot of chronic illness that was undiagnosed and they figured out I had a ehlers-danlos syndrome ehlers-danlos syndrome is a connective tissue disorder which basically means I can dislocate my body very easily I can hurt my body I can get myself hurt on one time I woke up and thought I had it cold so I went to the doctor and they found out I had shattered my clavicle in my sleep it's hard to socialize you make plans and want to go and then not feel good we're not going off and just miss a lot of things I guess I got in this weird funk for a while where I felt like talking about my illnesses on here too much would just get me viewed as like the sick girl or something and that people really wouldn't want to be friends with me I'm really really really outgoing I really really love meeting people but I'm also overwhelmingly anxious about the whole experience and kind of suck at making friends sometimes I don't know what kind of occupation or job you know would lend itself to someone with you know chronic fatigue and pain issues and it's sort of the perfect the perfect fit I never heard of pet - when I started doing YouTube videos I just started talking about my animals and discovered that there's a whole entire niche on YouTube that is just all about exotic animals my little girl right here she's still big enough or small enough to hold her welcome back to my youtube channel I'm joined here with Sasha this is Janet our bull snake he was my very first snake and he is just a sweetheart I really thought YouTube was gonna be a hobby always I thought maybe would bring in an extra hundred bucks or something at the most a few months into starting I got a paycheck that was equal to the amount I made at Petco and I was just like what is the risk and quitting and just trying YouTube and seeing what happens I have quit my day job and literally my full-time job what I make up all my money off of is going to be caring for my animal I signed with the manager and when he started helping out with like sponsorships and merch and stuff like that I started to see like how big of a thing this could actually be I hit 100,000 subscribers my back-to-school supplies are available now there's a really good chance that by the time I upload this I'll be at 500,000 subscribers which is crazy when it comes to making your first purchase you can use Taylor for 10% off I hit million subscribers which I never ever thought I'd have that many I have about 1.8 million subscribers on YouTube the reach my boy Scott was definitely something I wasn't used to so it was really weird to suddenly have the attention shift onto me like that definitely one particular thing that the people that dislike me talk about is my animal care yeah the people that dislike me are very very extreme sometimes there's no reasoning with them whenever you talk to them they always find a worse reason and if they don't find a reason to continue the argument they completely flip it on a completely unrelated subject just to keep digging and there's literally no way for me to prove that I handled my animals when I'm not online because the only way these people know me is online so they don't they don't know what I'm doing when I'm off-camera I think that just comes from this crazy expectation that anyone that goes online and gets this amount of attention needs to be doing everything perfectly normal things can't happen that what happened to anyone it was really crappy for me to do because it showed children that they could just go buy an animal and figure it out and I don't want that to be my message on here so again I really apologize for that situation what's important is I learned from it and I'm not gonna do it again it's been weird growing up online because then I've had to make all the mistakes that I do make publicly instead of it just being a little slip-up in my personal life it's a slip-up that two million people know about so something I struggle every day learning how to deal with this video is going to be talking about addiction I personally did not understand addiction either up until about two months ago I think I've always seen in my life that I've had addictive tendencies growing up and I always would say that kind of like its personality trait alcohol and drinking I wasn't really exposed to that much growing up and I never went to dances and in school or parties in high school or anything my very first party I ever attended was because of YouTube when I started my youtube channel it took off so fast and I just wanted to be accepted always been a problem with me is that I wanted to always be accepted someone offered me a tiny tiny tiny bump of cocaine and everyone was doing it and acting so I was like okay whatever I'll try it and the next day I was just obsessing about it and my brain just was like you need it again you need it again and I was extremely depressed for weeks being completely isolated and wanting to be accepted craving that codependent relationship I was pretty much ready to jump on to anyone who looked at me even basically I meet this guy online was a huge fan of his music he is 10 years older than me and someone who deals with addiction and he had a lot more access to all of these things he was able to get me the connections I never could have gotten back in Texas his issue was opiates and he started bringing them around and I just decided oh well I'll try what he has it'll be a different feeling but I'll try it and after that I just never went back to coke I just started dabbling with opiates and I just kept telling myself that it's not a problem it's a prescription drug it can't be that horrible it was just me trying to rationalize what was happening this is when my channel really really really took a dive and I'm finally able to say that it was my relationship that I got into he was gone all day and I didn't know why and he came home later that day and told me he was gonna take a bath and I noticed that he brought ice cream into the bath and he was just being really weird not making sense I decided I wanted ice cream I go over to the sink and I noticed he only put the bowl of ice cream in there not the spoon everything just sank in me I want to try to confront him and the bathroom is blocked he finally gets up and lets me in and he's like I don't know what you want and instead of staying in the bathroom he walks out and goes and hides in a corner and I started digging through everything and I find the spoon and the drawer and I'm like why is the spoon in the drawer he goes I don't know what you're talking about I don't want you mean that's not you know not my spoon I don't know he's acting all weird and I turn it over and it's burnt and I just start sobbing and screaming I said you need to go to rehab you need to get help Lia's please please flush this needle with me and let's end this once and for all let's get you help I'll stay with you I'll support you I'll pay for the rehab let's just get you better but instead he goes I really think that we should finish what I have left of the heroin together and then get clean we'll have the best high that you've ever had and we'll have it together and it'll be beautiful and I'll hold you and we'll watch a movie and we'll be in complete peace and then we'll never do this again and we will get clean and sober and we put all the drugs in our pasts and I'll go to rehab and I will get help but let's just have one more good night that was my first time using heroin I started with like the most baby dose ever and I worked all the way up to this heroin that was cut with fit and all it was the most miserable experience of my life but I just kept trying to think it's not as bad as it could be like I'm still in a really nice house I'm still have my job I still have this and that when in reality I like hadn't made a video in like six months I was you know losing all contacts to everyone and all I had was this dude that just kept shooting me up [Music] it all happened so fast I kept thinking I was in control and then suddenly I wasn't I don't know if you guys can hear that but that's myself flushing toilet so that's the video and I really hope you guys enjoyed it and again thank you so much for sticking around and waiting to even watch this I couldn't imagine staying interested in my channel after it being dead for so long people kind of knew what was going on it got to a point where even as careful as I could be in like little you Instagram stories and stuff you could see sometimes needles and people were zooming in on things and finding things light of recent news about Nicole Taylor Dean it's time to talk about addictions farmers allegations go neither my boyfriend or myself are doing drugs it isn't possible to fully care for that many animals while you're abusing substances right she needs to go to rehab I feel like some of her pets you do need to be rehomed so my plan was I was gonna take a medicine that stopped all the way draw symptoms and I was gonna be fine but I was super sick I was sick for like 14 hours I couldn't answer the phone I couldn't get out of bed I passed out a few times on the floor it was my mom found me and I could not lie and she brought me to rehab that day and I got sober I honestly expected to lose like a hundred thousand subscribers so it's like was my estimate my head I know when I posted it I lost a thousand and that was it and then I ended up gaining a lot more and not that that is what matters from it but I was just really amazed that there was that many people so supportive about it one of the comments that really stood out to me was some girl said that she watched the whole video and it reminded her of her situation with her fiance she said like that she packed her bags and left him that night so that was cool I was expecting such a bad response and I was going to be okay with that and just to seem like anyone say like hey I've I think I've been being abused for seven years now and just gave me the strength delete you fridges I don't know the fun stuff I do online and stuff us I love it I love connecting with people and entertaining people but when I have these emotional connections with people it's just crazy I don't know what my channel is now like I know it's definitely still gonna be my animals and all of that but I have this whole new part of it hopefully I will get there I'm not still not the best at my hygiene yet still in that phase of getting my life back on track deep down I kind of always thought you know they're there for the cute animals and that's it so it's just kind of weird now to have this whole part that's really just about my own experience and my own life and actually me yeah you know I'm living at home with my parents right now and spend most of my time doing therapy and remembering to shower and eat and stuff and it's just normal either way hopefully this whole series can help some people that are either struggling or know someone that's struggling or just wants to learn about addiction in general because another really big part in sobriety is the idea that if you give back to others it makes you more capable to stay sober by helping others so now I just really want to help as much as I can that's that's all I want to keep doing I don't know where I'm uploading it if I just upload it on you know like YouTube you could ask in the comment section like hey why is my Hedgehog do this I don't know in these um thanks [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: VICE

Views: 11,373,914

Keywords: PROFILES, drugs, HEROIN ADDICTION, Youtube, My Life Online, Taylor Nicole Dean, vice, journalism, documentary, videos, culture, interview, film, movies, underground, vice videos, lifestyle, independent, vice guide, exclusive, vice mag, vice magazine, vice.com, world, documentaries, short films, docs, yt:cc=on, pettube, TND, pets, animals, youtuber, drug abuse, rehab, opioids, jonny craig, heroin, recovery, suboxone, snakes, pettubers, cocaine, heroin addiction, vloggers, influencer, gen z, exotic animals

Id: _FyHhC3Y8Fc

Length: 14min 37sec (877 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 21 2020