I found this about my wife and best friend on vacation.

finally found out my 23 male wife 23 female and best friend have been having an affair for seven months i found out on august 18th while on vacation with the two of them and a few other friends at a friend's beach house in florida my wife was drunk at 11am and left her phone in the house while she went to lunch with him and i knew i had to take my chance after reading some crude texts and several i love views i knew it was over in the hope of not making a scene i called the girl whose house we were staying at and told her what was going on i packed my stuff and was headed to my car to drive back to texas that's when my wife and friend came up the elevator they saw all of my stuff and asked what was going on i simply said i'm going home and after further questioning and some quips and laughs from them blurted out i know you guys are sleeping together his response what the hell are you talking about no we're not her response instant tears she walked with me to my car and told me that it started in april but she knew she wanted to leave me long before that that i was a wonderful person and that i'll be happier with someone else that something between us was missing and that she didn't need me like she used to all i could respond with was that she made me the happiest i'd ever been that she was all i ever needed and that i never needed her i wanted her as i go back up the elevator her new boyfriend comes down nearly in tears and asks if i want to talk to him and all i said was never again on my way back down the elevator there at the bottom the homeowner told them they weren't welcome so in tears he asked me if i would give them a ride back for 300 i laughed told him every time you screw her i hope you know i wish you would have pulled the trigger he had depression issues and was ready to kill himself but decided not to because i had offered him a room at my wife and i's house to get him on his feet and because he was my best friend i then drove 13 hours straight home called everyone i could think of including both of their parents who wouldn't hesitate to call mine when i got home i was packing my things and saw my wife's journal slash diary slash writing notebook at this point i don't care anymore so i read it she has a story written and dated march 14th about their very detailed sex life how they would wait for me to go to sleep and have sex on our couch in my car in my bed when i wasn't home in his bed in our shower in our garage another poem was dated february 2014 detailing how a shadow haunted her but he was her future and her true love that all she could taste was lips this was all before i had ever known she was unhappy we were still having sex regularly up until mid-march even had sex twice in very early april so she was lying about all of that too all of her friends have abandoned her i now leave with her former best friend the owner of the beach house and two of her other friends they've all said their pieces to her and been blocked in the process i filed for divorce finally on friday and my god does it feel good i am so relieved to be out of it i was wrecking my brain for so long trying to figure out what i was doing wrong turns out i wasn't now i'm recovering slowly i'm sure but i now have a sudden strong interest in women is it just rebound i'm not sure i'm not pushing the issue or anything and i haven't dated in nine years but i'd like to i know it's still probably too soon but do i long for it because i've had it and it's now missing that being said i'm happy to be single i enjoy just being me currently but wouldn't mind someone i actually kind of feel like our relationship has been over for longer than a month i mean i was living alive for the last seven months she promised we would work on our marriage while all she was doing was working on him but i would appreciate any advice about the future and dating after divorce i'm kind of worried actually i feel like no one will want me for that reason alone tl dr found the proof i needed to accept my wife was having an affair with my best friend for the last seven months while on vacation it's over they're both terrible people my wife 29 female had an affair with my best friend while i 29 male was away from my grandfather's funeral background i'm 29 years old and my wife and i have been married nine years and have two wonderful children i have a great and stable career and recently purchased a sizable home with my wife one of my best friends was having a hard time with his life and i offered him my spare bedroom in my home for a few months to help him get off his feet well tragedy struck a month after his being over with my grandfather passing away so i went off to his funeral i was gone for a week but when i came home i had an eerie feeling slash instinct that my home life has changed i did a bit of digging around and found that my wife and my best friend were having an affair in my own home he has since left the home but home life isn't the same anymore my wife has been indifferent about everything and sex is non-existent now i also don't want my children affected from this affair and i want to continue my relationship with my wife my children ask for him all the time and i just tell them their uncle just moved yet they continue to ask when is he coming home my home life with my wife has been incredibly difficult as she lacked the remorse for her actions and hasn't apologized to repair our relationship we have been seeing a marriage counselor for some months now and i don't think slash not sure if it's going anywhere but it may be just be me being unrealistic and expecting instant results i'm in another state right now with my wife and children attending my wife's family reunion that has been planned for many many months during the christmas time frame before the affair occurred i have had a difficult time talking to my extended family members as i feel as if it is the first or last time i'll ever see them again which saddens me greatly as i have been a good part of their lives as they have been part of mine i'm having an incredibly difficult time coping with all of this and also found out recently that my wife still talks to this so-called friend of mine i just don't know what to do anymore and i'm hanging on because i love this woman with all my heart and i don't want our children's lives affected however it's taking a huge toll on me too any words of advice would be greatly appreciated i don't want any family members to know of the struggles and judge my wife update wow when i didn't think it can get any worse wife still hasn't apologized for her actions and told me it's all my fault for the duration of our marriage for her actions which she isn't sorry about i'm going to admit it had its up and downs but nowhere near she perceives it to be update 2 well i think i'm starting to see it all clearly now thank you everyone i also found out an hour ago that instead of the christmas shopping she said she was doing she went to see that guy reality just slapped me hard in the face with this person whom i loved just so sad now however i won't give her the satisfaction of seeing me at my lowest update three it's christmas day and i feel defeated i did everything i can in my power to ensure my children still had a good christmas however the wife wasn't and yelled at me many times in front of our kids that i hate you and i don't love you enough so that the kids repeat it saying mommy hates daddy or mommy doesn't love daddy it's terrible things for my children to hear and tried not to let them hear or see anything and i feel guilty for it she now fully demands i come up with a plan and all this is my doing she doesn't see how my books on getting past an affair reading online articles and asking for help on forums is helping our marriage i feel defeated and i'm not trying to start anything in front of the children on christmas day i don't have the strength in my body mind or soul right now telling me to man up right now or leave her today isn't going to do anything my spirit confidence and heart are broken and at an all-time low i'm trying to gather the strength and will to move on and today should be a happy day for my family well i want it to be at least for my kids spouse 29 female admits to cheating with my 30 male best friend 30 male two days ago my spouse of five years together for ten admitted to two occasions where she cheated with my best friend of 15 years the first time was several months ago the second time was less than a week ago and they were caught by his wife also a friend for 15 plus years it was also an emotional affair as they've gotten very close in the last four or five months just before this admission i had an overdue talk with her about me being uncomfortable at times with the closeness of their friendship she claims that there was no reason she did this that both occasions were drunk and stupid mistakes i pointed out that this wasn't too isolated incidents it was months and months of hidden unfaithful behavior even after the first physical episode of cheating she chose not to walk away she claims that there are no relationship issues or other problems that drove this behavior i have a really hard time believing this you don't cheat for no reason and the why question is really messing with my head even if i know it's mostly irrelevant in the big picture i'm also having serious doubts that this was the first time she's cheated she's had male friends at work that threw up some red flags but obviously i didn't act on it we're both independent and gave each other space to have our own lives at least that's how i used to view it instead i may have given her enough rope to hang herself with my best friend is dead to me while it would be incredibly satisfying to seek out a fight or some kind of revenge i doubt it does any good in the short term or long term as for me my emotions are still incredibly raw but i don't see how i can leave with this i'm an independent person and i'm pretty closed off but my wife was the one person i let in these people formed virtually my entire social group we were incredibly close now i'm looking around at my life and it feels like scorched earth there's nothing left we have no kids thank god we own a house in a growing market that could sell for 100k dollars over the mortgage value we have virtually no other debt we're both staying in the house for now her downstairs me upstairs it's so hard to think clearly every thought is interrupted by an alternating torn of anger and crushing sadness i don't think i can leave with this but i don't want to call it quits in a cloud of anger and realize later that i should have taken more time on the other hand i don't want to wait too long and be influenced to stay by loneliness depression and attrition how do i choose a path forward if i leave what do i need to start getting in order t tl dr wife cheated with lifelong best friend my whole world has been shattered how on when do i make a decision to leave and what do i need to get in order edit if divorce is where we end up i prefer to avoid lawyers if possible we're on equal footing financially and i'm not interested in legal slash financial vengeance i understand that if she wants to get lawyers involved my hand will be forced but i'm also way out of my element here so feel free to lay out the rationale for lawyering up in spite of my thoughts [Music] yesterday my 33 male wifes 34 female best friend female contacted me and told me that her husband and my wife were having an affair and my three-year-old daughter is actually his daughter wife and i have been together since high school married for 10 years i'm really drunk so pardon me for this gibberish my wife's best friend megan and i work for the same company different departments so yesterday she wanted to meet me after work and told me that she had to tell me something so i met her and she immediately broke down and started crying i tried to console her and asked if something was wrong and she told me that my wife and her husband were having an affair according to her this affair has been going on for years and she also told me that her husband was my daughter's biological father she confronted her husband and he didn't deny anything and when i confronted my wife she tried to deny everything but when i told her that megan told me about it she broke down and started crying i really don't know what to do i mean everything was a lie right my little girl taylor is not mine and my wife blatantly faked everything for years what do i leave for now i just don't know what to do just here for some advice i'm sorry if this felt like a rant my wife 35 female of 16 years cheated on me 37 male with my best friend and i'm struggling to move on a few months ago i found some incriminating text messages between my wife and my friend i confronted her and after initially denying it she finally admitted that they were in love and had been for at least a year it took a few days for the full story to come out they hadn't had intercourse but there was a lot of kissing and hands under clothes type stuff i chose to forgive her because i love her and because she's forgiven a lot of my stupid mistakes in the past things were okay for a while but now i can't stop thinking about it multiple times a day dreaming about it almost every night just zoning out at inappropriate times because something triggered another unanswered question or doubt i want to move forward but i'm stuck even after all of this time i still feel like another shoe is about to drop that they had sex that she gave him abj that he wasn't the only one etc it's not even that i don't believe her but i feel like i've been wincing waiting for the next hit i've emotionally shut down and i don't know how to come out of my shell i'd love to talk it over with my best friend but since he's the one who seduced my wife i don't really have a best friend anymore i want to be involved in the marriage i want to make it work i've forgiven but i can't seem to forget and it's driving a wedge between us what can i do tl dr my wife cheated on me and though i've committed to staying i'm struggling to trust again wife had an affair with mutual colleague friend and a few more just need to vent and now i feel more like writing than talking to my friends and maybe i can get some new ideas if i compile all this into one post so i 35 male have been together with my wife 32 female for over a decade now married for two years no kids for a few years now my wife has been saying that she would be interested in opening our marriage to others her sexual drive is stronger than mine and i've felt some guilt for that but i firmly declined any such ideas i don't think monogamy is objectively any better than any other form of relationship but for me personally it is the only one i can imagine a bit over a month ago we start to talk about our relationship and should we consider a baby she's been a bit disconnected from me for about a year not a huge problem but still and knowing her desire to be with others i said that i'm not necessarily comfortable having a child in this current situation it's a regular conversation but when i ask how difficult time she has at saying no to others her facial expression turned weird i asked that as she said no to others and she confesses that she hadn't i knew she has had feelings for this guy that she shares a hobby with and thought that maybe they had crossed the line but i was totally blown away when she said that she had cheated with three different men i asked who they were and she said that their names didn't matter we talked for a bit more and then i needed to go out for a walk i just wandered around the town and tried to comprehend the situation then i decided i need to prepare a list of questions for her until i had a really bad realization she had been spending more and more time in the past months with our mutual colleague we all three work at the same company who has been a rather good friend of mine for years they've been having a lot of drinks together and i was often there also or sometimes just me and the colleague i tend to work earlier shifts than they and usually went to bed rather early like 12 a.m they on the other hand were out late and sometimes also had an after-party at his place so she might come back home at 5am or even later i thought nothing of it since i trusted her and the guy was my good friend but now knowing that she had cheated on me all these past events started to look suspicious to say the least after three hours of walking around i came home with practically just one question on my mind was this colleague slash friend one of the other men and of course he was this is the worst part of all of this but i'll go through the other two first a bit more briefly guy number one in the timeline was you guessed it the guy she shared a hobby with and at whose place she had spent countless nights in a different city because of hobby events i knew she was there but she had convinced i had no reason to be jealous because he was totally into my wife's friend and not her yeah no and then there was this one night stand with another guy from the same hobby group i have never met him but i could guess his name also by just thinking about men she had been talking to in messenger for me these two are mostly just a icing on the cake that's the affair she had with our colleague but they also show that it's just not single attraction she's messed up she did stuff not sex per se according to her with guy number one every now and then for several months in 2017 and early 2018 and with guy number two just once but they met each other for coffee several times i don't even know how far she went with guy number two as i forgot to ask and he's so meaningless part of this whole farce so back to the colleague slash friend i'll call him jay from now on to keep it short jay is 10 years older than me and divorced we've all been working in the same company for years my wife and jay work together and i also work with jay he's been rather close friend for years with me and was at our wedding in 2016. hooray for memories i was closer to jay for years but sometime last year he and my wife started to become better friends great i thought i liked them both and it was fun to hang out with the three of us we went for lunches and shopping and drinking and so forth as jay and my wife worked the same shift more often than i did they also did these by themselves according to my wife i don't trust her 100 in this whole storm but i'm quite sure the big picture is true their friendship started to become emotional and sexually tense around spring physically they crossed the line maybe in april and then they were head over heels they swore love for each other and spent more and more time together but now i didn't know how much they were doing stuff together this went on until she confessed to me three days prior to d-day she came home at 8am from his place after her birthday party i was there until 1am or so knowing all this hit me really hard i had trusted her and felt i was a total sucker for not seeing the truth i've been crying almost every day and feeling really low i'm also maybe a bit too obsessed about wallowing in this yes it screwed up my life and it's natural to be emotional but i know i need to think also about something else in a way i'm happy that she did so much stuff i'm really non-confrontational person and maybe want to please people too much but this was such a high level that i knew everything was over the moment i heard her confessing to having an affair with jay it was made much easier when she said that she would like to keep jay as a friend kept talking to him he's the only one that knows the situation so i can't say these things to anyone else and even confessing that if we broke up she might want to keep slash start dating him she wants to try to reconcile but no it wouldn't work i don't want to leave in fear of this happening again i don't want to feel anger and sadness every day i think she broke this relationship beyond repairable and what is her explanation she thought she could keep close friendships and strong affections separated and even if she couldn't she'd control the situation which is ridiculous since the right thing to do would have been to either make sure such affections don't occur or make sure they never turn into cheating she also said that she had issues with herself and it's not about me and all the other basic i know she believes herself when she swears that this would never happen again but i also know that i don't believe it she said i could have all her passwords but i definitely don't want to leave in a marriage where i need to have control over another person luckily another colleague slash friend of ours is traveling for two months so we rented his apartment really close to hours and we're switching places every week or so he'll be back for christmas so we'll or more probably i'll need to find a solution by then we see briefly once or twice a week but it's mostly just to please her i'm signing the divorce papers this week but she refused to co-sign where we leave it's not a big thing but might slow the process for a week or two which is not a big deal for me what might become a problem is our apartment we own it 50 50 and she has said that she won't actively do anything to help sell it i haven't pushed her yet as to what that means exactly and haven't checked the legal stuff hopefully i can just do the work myself and she'll sign what is needed i wasn't planning on asking any questions as i just felt the urge to sum this up but actually i would love to hear what you guys have experienced when confronting or not confronting the ap one of the shittiest aspects of this that i still have to work with jay not every day but on average maybe a bit over two days a week mostly when i'm at the office our shifts only overlap for a few hours but i am supposed to brief him on my work that day he's not a boss or anything just processes forward the stuff i do and also if i'm working from home or anywhere else i should call the office when i'm done and he might be picking up the phone i haven't said a word to jay yet at work i just don't inform him and let him figure out what to do with my stuff a few times i've sent an email but even that feels a bit humiliating i have conflicted thought about confronting him he sent me a message a few days after d-day asking for an opportunity to apologize but i said we have nothing to talk about i'm not interested in hearing him say he's sorry but it really stresses me out to keep this no contact thing up at work i've been thinking to just briefly talk to him say that i don't want to hear anything other than work-related stuff from him and even that needs to be as brief as possible it might relieve some anxiety i get every time i get a call from the office number and know that he's working and also i would really want to say f you to him but i hesitate to start the conversation because it might not go the way i want it to go and certainly don't want to have him control the situation so if anyone who's been to even a remotely similar situation would like to share their experiences that would be much appreciated i haven't had too many good days last weeks but in general i'm rather optimistic by nature i have a few friends i can talk to and i know it will get better of course i miss having the partner i shared my life for so long and i hate to sell my home and it's really stressing to be working at the same office as they are but i don't feel like my life is over or that i'll never be happy again [Music] foreign

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Keywords: relationships, reddit relationships, r/relationships, r/relationship stories, relationship stories, relationship struggles, reddit relationship stories, relationship, r/relationship, r/cheating_stories, cheating, cheating stories, reddit cheating, cheating reddit, cheating husband, cheating wife, reddit cheating stories, stories cheating, reddit breakups, cheater wife, cheater husband, cheating girlfriend, cheating boyfriend, cheater, r/survivinginfidelity, r/infidelity, infidelity

Id: 3ApRc_z-pEQ

Length: 24min 5sec (1445 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 01 2020