Hunter H vs. Nik Cartwright | Roast Battle!

BR hey everybody this is Hunter hsh uh Hunter uh you look like the cousin that always wants to play naked [Laughter] games yeah you never wanted to play I don't know why you just you know if you had more confidence you'd want to play too I know it's not it's okay um Nick looks like a confederate general that is also a rodent Nick Nick looks like a groundhog but when he doesn't see his shadow it means six more weeks of Jim Crow [Applause] loss Hunter is a jazz musician he's a very talented Jazz guitarist uh which is super shocking to learn that he's good at something that involves a scale you know this dude's [ __ ] fat by the way for the next for the next three jokes remember that he's [ __ ] fat no we're shaped the same actually it's just your shoulders are more slumped if you do this you'll see um Nick's favorite sex move is when she puts the lotion in the basket when Jazz munici when Jazz musicians I didn't say Munitions when Jazz musicians snap it means they're killing their performance when Hunter snaps it means he's killing 17 people in an AMC oh man just just so you know when we snap that's not what that means um I know you dropped out of business school so you wouldn't you know I'm sorry that was stupid I shouldn't have said that I'm sorry sorry um I regret that Nick got bullied in uh middle school surprise um I remember Nick told me one time that someone made him eat mud which was embarrassing for Nick but it was more embarrassing for the mud that was forced to associate with Nick don't okay um Hunter is autistic uh it's true we all know that autism is on a spectrum you know there's so many different types of autism and Hunter is clearly type two so that's fine I like that good yeah the pot calls the kettle neurod Divergent um I had no I had no idea what that means I don't that means you you got autism too oh [ __ ] really yeah yeah no Nick got autism but without the talent um Nick loves playing poker because it combines his two favorite pastimes which are counting and avoiding eye contact I do I do gamble a lot but I gamble less than your co-workers when you stick a [ __ ] [ __ ] you're you're a kid [ __ ] right CU they teach no no I did something about like people putting their lunch in the work fridge and you would eat it that was my that was my thing I work remote I'm [Applause] sorry I do eat my girlfriend's food so that yeah sorry Hunter Hunter is actually an athlete uh he is an athlete in high school he was all state in eating mayonnaise so no that's a joke obviously he is an athlete all the brave men and women at the Special Olympics are athletes all right that's fun uh Nick has a tattoo on his shoulder here that says LH and it's actually it's the initials for his one only true Lover Left Hand oh Nick Nick uses his left hand to masturbate because on his right hand he puts a sock puppet on and he goes oh Nick you're so big [Applause] I am really big super big [Applause] dude Hunter's mom is a [ __ ] alcoholic okay [ __ ] alcoholic dude get her she wasn't an alcoholic until she started playing this drinking game called Blink 182 I had never heard of it I had to look it up you you take a shot of 182 proof vodka every time Hunter blinks really hard so I do do that a lot that's true apparently not tonight though no no not on stage this I feel comfortable here but um I just did it a little bit you might caught it um nick uh used to run a podcast called the uh [ __ ] you Dad podcast hell yeah dude um but he's been going to therapy and he's ready to start the [ __ ] by dad [Applause] podcast it's funny you should say that because Hunter is such an inspiration because he is living breathing proof that you can get pregnant by anal sex okay just to I am actually fat these are actually um let's see actually really cool Nick is um getting married to his high school sweetheart yeah dude that's [ __ ] awesome very exciting you guys should feel bad clap clap for him he he needs it yeah so does she she needs that too yeah they're getting married in April and in August she'll be a [Laughter] [Applause] sophomore give it for Nick T give it up for Hunter hell yeah boys hell yeah boys woo woo who wants to start who wants to start jump in there all right uh I guess I'll go oh my God what a battle this is incredible give it up for these guys holy [ __ ] you guys look like you became best friends uh when you're at the gang bang and you got left out and just start and you just started playing Super Smash Bros all night um no but I I know you I know you guys uh both you're both very funny guys this was a great battle um lot of a lot of back and forths you came out hot naked games very funny uh Hunter just kept giving it right back uh Nick you slipped up a couple times and Hunter you really drove it home uh with the sophomore I'm I'm going to have to give it to Hunter one for Hunter one for Hunter Zach I see you there ready buddy well I mean honestly thank God Nick did that joke about Blink 182 because I was over here like oh I'm going to make a joke about Blink 182 and then your [ __ ] didn't land and now I'm so happy I did it was a mistake yeah I mean hey Nick you was great but you just got Merck by uh Hunter yeah I you got you got to give that one to Hunter you you look like you got merked by the pawn store hey n hey Nick I got to get a laugh dude I got to get some laughs get it out bro Hunter get down here Zach get up there heav Ogle judge these men God damn well here's the thing I love both y'all Nick you talking a lot of fat jokes I did yeah I know he looks great doesn't he y'all wear the same jeans I can tell 34 [Applause] 30 I wear the same size jeans but who wore them better folks you know what I mean damn yeah Hunter is a goddamn sex symbol get that dick out a little bit big dog I just like to point out I'm the only one on the panel who can complete [Applause] aen Nick dick with a big dick that's what they say don't they G this what my notes say and I wrote them on the back this time cuz y'all was passing around like pieces of [ __ ] oh no we still passing this one a big dick he's just an alcoholic true it doesn't say that uh it was very clear fat jokes have you something fat girl math Hunter wins all right Hunter is your winner hell of a battle give it up for these guys give it up for them hey thanks for watching roast battle Chicago if you guys want to subscribe to our Channel you get even more content a bunch of it hours of it for free and you can hit that little like button down there hit the Subscribe right over here and check out these videos right over here

Channel: Roast Battle Chicago

Views: 1,349

Keywords: roast battle, Roast Battle Chicago, Chicago Roast Battle, comedy central, stand up comedy roast, roast battle comedy, roast battle chicago, chicago roast battle, comedian roast battle, comedy central roast battle, stand up, stand up comedy, zanies, zanies comedy club, zanies oldtown, zanies old town, chicago comedy, kill tony, killtony

Id: DUe5P5o8l78

Length: 10min 12sec (612 seconds)

Published: Tue May 14 2024