How to turn loss into inspiration | George Kohlrieser | TEDxLausanne

what is the deepest and most painful loss you have ever experienced a loss of a job loss of a house loss of health or loss of the beloved one did you get over that loss and are are you still holding on to it you see loss is something that's in everybody's life and what I'm going to do is talk about people who went through extraordinary losses and managed to turn them into inspiration at first this sounds like a paradox that's impossible but if you successfully go through loss you do in fact come out at the other side inspired now I know these people personally and I've invited all of them to IMD now let me start with the first story right here close to us some of you may recognize those twin daughters less than two kilometers from here in January 2011 they were kidnapped by their father taken out of the country and are still missing he later committed suicide by jumping in front of a train so there's no way to know where they are this is the mother Irina who was torn so deeply and can you imagine what it's like till you lose two children at the same time you say goodbye in the morning at night they're gone and with the realization of not knowing where they are our Irena managed to go through the grief process we all heard about the grief process but how did she do that how did she find the courage and at the very beginning she was in such denial she was in filled with so much rage so much sorrow that she could hardly express it and fear and anxiety that something could happen that would unbe unpredicted you see we all carry a certain illusion of control but any of us can lose something like that then Irina had an idea it came in a dream actually because she saw her daughter's in the dark and she said I want to bring them into the light I want them to be remembered and so she started the glom process of recovery first of all accepting the loss secondly being able to understand what it means to rebound a life a new attachment and to go through the process of forgiveness and finally gratitude now what made it possible for her to find that courage because it really tests us put us to the limit of what is possible she wanted to honor her two daughters and rather than just stay focused on her pain she decided to do something to use the death of her daughters or at least missing because it's not sure what happened she does doesn't know and how to turn that into something for a better good and here is Irina creating the missing children of Switzerland Foundation let's help thousands and thousands of children around the world to help bring them into safety you see what was a terrible private tragedy turned into something that made the world a better place and at the end Irina had to stop asking the question why why did this happen to me and she had to move to another question that takes you out of victimization and deeper sorrow and suffering and it was the question what can I learn from this well how can I use this situation to make the world a better place and that's what she was able to do and here she is in India raising all kind of awareness about missing children and she has brought joy to so many people so many families and in doing so she gives meaning and purpose to her life and she is also finding joy now if you are a mother your father would you find the courage to do such a thing and what happened is something that her inspiration has changed all kinds of things she is inspiring people and they turned to her for that inspiration now the story of a zine Azim living in San Fran San Diego in 1995 had his son 20 year old Tony a Tony camisa earth I'm sorry teri camisa who was murdered by a young boy who ordered a pizza and when he refused to pay for the pizza Tariq refused to give you the pizza pizza 14 years old he pulls out a gun and with one bullet kills Tariq what a devastating loss his only son is brought to death over a pizza now Azim was a very devout Sufi Muslim so he turned to the Quran and to avoid a spiritual advisor what do I do with this and the advice he got was do a good deed and that he did do because what could easily turn into revenge and how the world is so filled with revenge today he actually went to the prison and he met Tony along with a grandfather and forgave Tony for killing his son what an act of courage to be able to find the willingness to forgive you see forgiveness can come from deep in the heart and he saw that there were actually victims at both ends of the gun are both end of the gun at both ends of the gun and so he has created the teri camisa foundation which talks about how there are options to violence he travels all over the world teaching there is an alternative to violence and he is able to communicate to young people how they can find a way to stop creating violence to come out in a different way and he himself says and I talked to him last week um he said I am still fighting to get Tariq out of prison early he has five more years to a 25-year sentence and he has offered his son Tony her offer Tony a job into the foundation and be able to help communicate his message in fact Tony has become an alt writer and a poet and from what I heard quite a good one and here Azim is spreading that new again all over the world now let's be clear not all losses are death so let's come to a closer one Jamie was a mountain lion climber who loved mountaineering and he one day climbing with his best friend in the Alps near here had a horrible tragedy a storm moved in and lasted for five days they couldn't get him off of the mountain after five days Jamie uh came down with a helicopter frost bit his legs were amputated from below the knees and below the elbows but refusing to be a hostage a psychological hostage to the pain in his heart to the loss he decided to do something to recover the ability to live life with joy again see that's what happens with inspiration you come back after a decision to live your life with joy and he's now mountain climbing again he's making plans later this year to climb the Matterhorn I invite him to IMD to our executive education HPL program and he is actually juggling load juggling and as he demonstrates this in front of the group they always stand with a great deal of applause he is an inspiration now will you turn to a partner very near to you and look at them and say front back you look like an inspiring person here's what azim thank you here's what azim in Irina and Jamie have done they had to change their mindset they had to go through the grief cycle they had to change their state and see this not as something victimized and with deep resentment but they had to change that state they decided to make the world a better place they're grateful for life and they find gratitude again and this is all about leadership how do you lead yourself and how do you lead others and being able to understand that when you go through this it's possible for certain things to happen here's the 3r and I think you can see the commonalities and actually what they say is sharing your grief will cut it in half sharing your joy will double it from joy comes inspiration now I'm not going to end this without also talking about my own story this is my son Douglas who in 1992 was in an accident living five days in a coma and after that he died the deepest grief of my life I could hardly stand up like Irina she she fell on the ground often saying it would be better if I were dead I didn't go that far but I certainly did not know where I would get the courage to go on and what happened is that I decided I would not lose the joy of my life I would not honor him by suffering and staying in pain but to do something to honor his life I also had two other children and I had to come back to the joy of life for them as well they deserved a joyful father and so I dedicated what I do now to impart honor Doug's life and I'm inspired by him as I stand in front of you I can think of him with inspiration not grief and my inspiration is in part being able to teach around the world leadership personal development and high performance and mostly discovering the joy of life again if you lost it because no matter what happened you do not have to lose the joy of your life and my message for you is very simple you have to be able to turn whatever loss comes into inspiration and that is an idea we're spreading thank you all very much you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 88,558

Rating: 4.8639874 out of 5

Keywords: Change, ted x, TEDxTalks, tedx talks, Switzerland, Life, Love, ted talks, English, ted, Psychology, ted talk, tedx talk, tedx

Id: RNwKV_Rk-TU

Length: 13min 41sec (821 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 17 2015