How To Trust Your Voice and Speak With Confidence Anywhere | Mariama Whyte | TEDxManitouSprings

[Music] thank you I know it feels like you can't speak they're looking at you you feel so weak you are stronger than you think it will happen you're so amazing incredible what's deep inside you the world should know take the deep breath and take it slow let it happen and if you could imagine all the chances you would say the places you will see and the moves that you make I know it feels so hard right now just to be yourself much more funny costumes pretending to be someone else would you believe me if I say you don't have to be afraid you are more than you realize you are wonderfully made I know it feels so hard right now even when you're young but I know it will happen cause it's already done thank you that's a short version of a song that I recently wrote called It's Already Done I wrote that for my younger self for young mariama who was a good mix of quiet sometimes very very loud artistic sensitive intellectual athletic Dreamer yes but in some situations she experienced intense moments of fear fear of speaking fear of being seen and heard so I wrote that for her to comfort her and let her know that she is okay and she will always be okay let her voice her ideas and her feelings matter I wanted to make her feel safe and at home within herself that she could fully Express herself wherever she was wherever she is wherever I am one of the most phenomenal voices of our time the late Dr Maya Angelou said the ache for home lives in all of us a safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned I believe that the Journey of finding home within ourselves creating an inner safety and belonging is essential for us to open up and to trust our own voices so we can speak with confidence and authenticity and when I tell people that I had a pretty severe anxiety around speaking they usually don't believe me because I make a living by using my voice publicly I performed in the Broadway National tours of of The Lion King yes good times and the color purple yeah have y'all seen that and I speak teach and act in various capacities I am also a singer-songwriter and I really enjoy coaching students and adult clients to perform and speak with confidence but growing up and into early adulthood I really struggled with my communication sometimes I first realized I had this fear in the fourth grade I went to Moreland Elementary School in Shaker Heights a small suburb of Cleveland Ohio we had an assignment to give a short lesson to the class on how to do something we were really really good at it was called a how-to presentation now when I heard the word presentation my stomach instantly started hurting and I wanted to run out of the room I did I was afraid I wasn't going to get through it and I thought I may stutter which is what I would do sometimes when I was very very nervous now I didn't have much problem raising my hand answering questions from my seats I didn't have any issue there but to stand and speak formally in front of everybody while all the eyes are on me kind of like now I didn't like it back then so I remember going to my mother and I told her I'm really really really scared I'm not going to be able to get through she was like oh sweetie pie you'd be fine just put on a skit I said oh that's a really great idea because I was always performing around the house so that's what I did I wrote a quick script I got some friends together yes I did and I we had our costumes on even though we use our nightgowns for our costumes I assigned our roles and we put on my how-to presentation called how to procrastinate yes I was really good at procrastinating back then now it was really a lesson on the disadvantages of procrastinating but I got through it and I had a lot of fun I was scared I definitely was scared but I was more excited to share what I imagined and created and after that I was just performing everywhere singing acting dancing I played the violin and the piano I'm a little rusty and a couple of those so now I am but performing was my safe happy place it was home for me where my imagination could flow I could take risks I could harness my Creative Energy and it decreased my anxiety around being seen and heard and I haven't stopped performing since now as a teenager I played various Sports I was the concert Master of the orchestra my junior and my senior years and I was in this really cool dance group and we used to dance all around the city of Cleveland my name was too cool because I was too cool with it I was just really cool with it now that mariama was very very outgoing and social but in contrast there were distinct moments in school where there was like another mariama that was shrink and hide and I stopped raising my hand and speaking up but only in certain classes these were the honors and the advanced placement classes that I was in where I was one of a few black students in a sea of white students who I just didn't know now some of us have become very good friends over the years but back then that transition was very very difficult for me now moral in my elementary school was a predominantly Black Elementary School and I loved it there I was home there all of my friends were there but they weren't in these classes with me these particular classes with me anymore after Elementary School we were all separated and I had separation anxiety culture shock and I became very lonely and disconnected and that feeling stayed with me for a long time I had the toughest time speaking up in my English classes now I love the books we read and I thrived in my writing assignments I was good at writing but I dreaded those discussions who wouldn't hear dreams discussion yeah a few of it yeah I see I understand you understand I dreaded those discussions trying to formulate the racing thoughts in my head to speak clearly and fluently in this unfamiliar space was very difficult for me I see myself in my 12th grade English class it's just me no costume to hide behind no memorized script no song to sing it's just me and my plain clothes my cute plane clothes though trying to find a sense of home and I'm stuck between the desire to express my ideas and the reasons I came up with to keep those ideas to myself and in most cases I kept them to myself I was silent now I was physically safe no one was harming me there were no snares there are no microaggressions from any of the students or the teacher but I did not feel psychologically safe Dr Amy Edmondson of Harvard Business School who coined the term psychological safety defines it as a belief that it's safe to speak up with ideas concerns and mistakes this sense of confidence that your voice is valued now I knew I had great things to say I just didn't feel at home enough to say them at the time I was a young black teenage girl trying to figure out where I fit and belonged here so how did I end up here I got sick and tired of myself I did I got so frustrated and exhausted from moving in and out and in and out of my own life for so long so I ended up working with a therapist a speech therapist during my sophomore year in college and it did wonders for my confidence and my self-awareness it helped me bridge the gap from where I was and where I wanted to be in my life as a confident and offensive Communicator anywhere and I also majored in English at the College of Worcester yes now this is my story but a lot of us have this fear whether it's front of a few people or in front of many people now if it's you if you have this fear you're not alone it's very common and there is nothing wrong with you there are countless studies that tell us why this fear even exists is because we're human we're hardwired to belong and to survive so when we are separated or we're put on the spot it can feel extremely vulnerable and unsafe and it feels like a physical threat it feels like a threat and then we instantly go into survival mode our survival instincts kick in and we want to protect ourselves so we may become silent or we may become very aggressive in our communication distracted with something else or we just leave the room on together fight flights or freeze now we need this survival mechanism to try to get out of actual danger or threat which many of us have had to do in our lives but it's important to know when we are safe so that we can respond in a way that benefits our well-being and our self-expression now the beauty of Being Human also is that we are born to thrive yes and this is where we can create this safe space within ourselves to open up and speak freely and have impact on the world at our jobs or in business in the classroom on various stages at the interview or the audition within all of our relationships but it's also important that we speak so we can personally witness our own growth Evolution and knowledge of Who We Are so how do you find home how do you create this inner safety within yourself I have a three-part framework that is highly accessible it's within you and around you and it helps you to safely connect with yourself and with the world first take a deep breath and take it slow everybody breathe with me in through the nose and release through the mouth doesn't feel good breathe breathe now as a coach I'm always emphasizing the breath making sure you're taking in enough air to project and to get through your phrases to get to the ends of your lines but emotionally deep breathing as an everyday practice and in moments of high Stress and Anxiety can be so powerful because it centers us it's very grounding keeps us right here in the present moment we can open our heart to ourselves and have this sense of safety and belonging and wholeness a lot of times when we're fearful we start breathing breathing really fast or we hold our breath which is what I used to do so taking slow deep breaths from the belly or the diaphragm here and stabilize your nervous system relax the tension that you may feel and it opens up your voice there are so many breathing exercises out there that you can do but what's important is just to know that you can take time every single day at any moment you need for deep breathing it's so powerful number two if you could imagine all the chances you will take imagine imagine but use your imagination to your advantage most of our worry and anxiety comes from our memory what has happened in the past or what we imagine may happen in the future research tells us that we think between sixty thousand and ninety thousand thoughts in a day that's a lot of thoughts and 90 of those are repeated so isn't it amazing that our brains are neuroplastic shaped by our experiences so the empowering experiences we allow ourselves to create through the power of our imagination can create new outcomes for us we have access to this amazing creative mental playground just as my mother gave me the suggestion to think of my presentation in a different way it immediately sparked my imagination and my creativity and it opened up my world give yourself the permission and the freedom to visualize create and Lead yourself through the power of your own imagination there is an African proverb that says let him speak who has seen with his eyes in your own time sooner than later I hope take moments to just see yourself see yourself differently see yourself in the way that you would like to communicate not the way you don't want to communicate the way that you desire and see yourself as the light free just the essence of Who You Are and write it down write it down write what you see write what you feel right how you engage right how you breathe and begin to speak it speak it over and over again and now get it out of your head and get it into your body and start acting it out I know it may feel a little bit weird but this is how you are creating a new memory a new experience and a new outcome for yourself and even though those voices of self-doubt and criticism may try to come it's okay just acknowledge them and keep on moving in the direction that you would like to go this is creating the inner safety the Courage the excitement and the belief that wherever you can go you can communicate in the way you desire it's already done third seek support okay so I don't have a lyric for this one but it just means that just means I'm gonna have to write another song how about that seek support find people who will encourage you and give you positive honest encouraging feedback and accountability this may be trusted family members or friends a coach or a mentor local Toastmasters group a presentation class speech class or a performance class or maybe a speech therapist this is when you can practice become more comfortable with yourself with an audience of a few or an audience of many and the beautiful thing is you will begin to really understand how connected and valuable you and your ideas and your story and your message are they are so valuable to the world as you go into the world and flow through your journey to become a more confident and offensive communicator know that you belong here and you belong here remember to breathe imagine and seek support be patient and kind to yourself take baby steps and take Giant Steps and celebrate each one and Release Yourself from the pressure of having to sound or be like anybody else but you you are the best role you will ever play your voice matters your ideas matter and your feelings matter and I have a beautiful Reflection from a final scene of one of my favorite musical films The Wiz as Dorothy is trying to find her way back home Glinda the Good Witch of the South says to her home is a place we must all find child it's not just a place where we eat or sleep home is knowing knowing your mind knowing your heart knowing your courage if we know ourselves we are always home anywhere thank you [Music] thank you [Music]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 42,837

Keywords: Communication, Creativity, English, Fear, Life, Psychology, Self-help, TEDxTalks, Youth, [TEDxEID:52151]

Id: ZWRSFWsNW98

Length: 18min 26sec (1106 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 30 2023