How to Build Self Confidence | CeCe Olisa | TEDxFresnoState

[Music] each morning I look in the mirror and I tell myself one thing to boost my confidence don't wait on your weight to live the life you want my name is CCO lisa i co-founded the kirby con a plus-size fashion convention during New York Fashion Week I'm also a lifestyle influencer which basically means I share my life with thousands of people on the Internet growing up I always wanted to be on stage dance theater singing I loved it all it takes confidence to go out on stage and perform but luckily for me there was no shortage of love and validation in my family I like to think of confidence as a big red balloon that can either soar or deflate my parents had the challenge of raising three daughters and making sure that each of our confidence balloons was sky-high and full they did a great job baby Fifi had a soaring confidence balloon until around elementary school I was the only Nigerian girl in my class but that wasn't a problem I was significantly taller than the other girls and instead of long straight hair I had big kinky natural hair but those things weren't a problem either the problem was my body according to the national report on self-esteem 98% of girls feel that there is an immense pressure from external sources to look a certain way in elementary school a teacher pulled my mom aside to let her know that while I was a good dancer I would not be allowed in our school's elite dance group because I didn't have a dancer's body for the first time my confidence balloon lost a little bit of air I went to a performing arts high school with famous alumni like six times Tony Award winner Audra McDonald my junior year a teacher told me privately that while I had a great audition for the school musical he just couldn't give me the part I wanted why well he said there would be that scene where you'd have to admit that you made love in the back of a car and it's simply unrealistic but someone of your size would fit in the back of a car as I listened to a teacher that I respected tell me that my body was the reason he was choosing to ignore my talent my face got hot with embarrassment I've not formed in the pit of my stomach I thanked him for his feedback and I rushed out of his classroom just as tears began to fall down my face I wanted to quit but there's an expression amongst us Nigerians Niger know they carry laughs which in my family met if you have a goal you don't quit you keep working until you achieve it my senior year my classmates voted me most talented my teachers couldn't see past my body but my classmates could and that gave me the tiny burst of air that my confidence balloon needed to move forward so after high school I moved to New York City I graduated with a degree in theater and I became a working actor doing shows around the country then I decided that I wanted to land a role on Broadway and my weight became an issue once again in final audition after final audition I would have casting directors say CeCe gosh we love your talent but your wait did I die I'm sure I could get smaller but I could never get skinny by the end of an entire year of rejection by casting directors my confidence balloon with lying dead and lifeless on the floor when I confided in the people I loved most that I thought that I would never have the career I wanted the relationship I wanted the life I wanted unless I was skinny their response was to hug me and tell me that I was beautiful but that did nothing to revive my confidence my parents could revive my confidence for me and neither could my friends this time I'd have to do it myself so when faced with the challenge of boosting my own confidence that I could do what I loved onstage I just quit I stopped auditioning I got a corporate job to pay the bills I developed an eating disorder I was miserable and in an effort to stay creative and feel less alone I got on the internet and started sharing my stories of what it was like to be an awkward plus-sized girl in New York City forbes.com says that confidence is the outcome of the thoughts that we think and the actions we take as my Instagram and YouTube audience gained a following I went through a process that overhauled and rebuilt my self-confidence through that process I learned four key steps to building self-confidence I'd like to share those with you today sound good step 1 identify your perceived obstacle step 2 imagine what your life would look like if your obstacle disappeared step 3 address your perceived obstacle step 4 choose to live the life you imagined today that was a lot taken right all right let's break it down step 1 identify identify your perceived obstacle so for me I thought that my confidence would greatly improved if I lost a bunch of weight that may not be the thing for you and that is okay in order to identify what your perceived obstacle I invite you to finish this sentence my life would be perfect if so what is it what is that thing that you are using as an excuse to opt out of the life that you really want now comes the fun part steps you imagine what your life would look like if that obstacle disappeared according to a Harvard psychology study the brain actually can't differentiate between a real memory and an imagined one this is why visualization is so important I'll give you an example while you think about what your life would look like if your obstacle was gone so I used to fantasize about myself as a skinny person I've never been skating in my life but I was obsessed with skinny Fifi and the life that she would live in my head skinny Fifi would travel the world skinny season II would wear what she wanted not what would cover her up the most she would get up in the morning and dress without shame skinny Cece would do what I consider the most valuable neural act I could think of skinny Fifi would put a full body photo on her dating profile app now it's your turn what does your life look like without your perceived obstacle are you sitting in a big corner office after a promotion are you boarding the plane to your dream vacation while you think about that let's move on to step 3 address your perceived obstacle now I am a firm believer in hiring therapists and coaches when it's time to level up so it was my turn to level up I hired my first ever therapist and I immersed myself into the world of online and body positivity I decided in order to address my perceived obstacle I needed to remove skinny as a goal altogether now before you say that I'm promoting obesity I need you to hear me out for just a second I was a 10-pound baby so maybe just maybe I came into this world as a big girl and it just is what it is yes we live in a world that values the scale over the soul that values used over wellness that values looking good over feeling good but in a world like that I chose to go against the grain I chose to stand up for myself and embrace health as a practice not a pant size I decided that healthy living of the daily practice was my goal and consistency was my measure of success how will you address your perceived obstacle will you research scholarships while you figure out how to get into your dream school will you reach out to a therapist about past traumas that are bothering you I'm gonna be really candid here except that we can take a long time to figure out so while we work on step three we're gonna get started on step 4 same time step for choose to live the life you imagine today which are probably thinking of fifi how can I live the life I imagined when I still have my obstacle right I can't do that it's not true you don't have to wait on your perceived obstacle just like I didn't have to wait on my weight remember my skinny CCE imaginations imaginary life what did skinny Fifi do skinny CD traveled the world Here I am traveling the world I'm not skinny skinny assisi wore what she wanted Here I am wearing what I want and I'm not skinny skinny Cece put a full body photo on her dating profile at here iam full body photo d-hop not skinny how will you choose to live the life you want right now nothing likes me up more than when I see people shouting me out on Instagram and sharing their stories of self-confidence as you embark on your journey of self-confidence I'd like to remind you of one thing I started my journey because of my desire to stand on stage and do what I want so I identified my perceived obstacle I imagine what my life would look like if that obstacle disappeared I made a plan to address my perceived obstacle and then I chose to start living the life I imagined right away and guess what Here I am standing before you doing what I love on stage thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 1,374,375

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Health, Body, Emotions, Happiness, Obesity, Social Media

Id: ivNNgdCsY7o

Length: 10min 48sec (648 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 29 2018