The Secret to Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking | Sha Nacino | TEDxYouth@SJCS

can you look at the person beside you if you're seated beside the woman can you tell that woman you look blooming today and if you're if you're seated beside a man can you please tell him you look [Music] kind in July 2022 I delivered my signature keynote the power of being seen in front of 8,000 people live in person they were the biggest audience I've addressed so far and I felt like I had the most amazing conversation with thousands of people one person at a time that is the magic of public speaking and that is why I love public speaking can I see a raise of hands who among you here love public speaking okay who among you here are afraid of of public speaking okay I see more hands up in the air I have good news for you the no in my years of experience delivering Keynotes to various audiences I discovered that the notion that public speaking is scary is overrated public speaking doesn't have to be scary in fact it can be fun and it is such a powerful way to inspire people and change lives but I didn't always see public speaking as fun in fact I used to be so shy introverted and socially awkward as a student I didn't raise my hand in class when I was in college we had this subject and I really needed to ask my professor a question after days of agonizing whether I would raise my hand and ask that question I finally did it my professor looked at me with this belief and with a frown on her face he said you know what your question sucks I felt so humiliated in front of the entire class and I learned that day that it is better better to shut up after I graduated from college I started working for a bank and as a bank employee I was a Wallflower I was so afraid to initiate conversations with my officemes because I was scared to be humiliated again during team meetings I didn't share my insights even if I felt like I had some great ideas you would bump into me in the hallway and say hey are you new here and I would say no I've been working here for 3 years already you wouldn't even notice me and I felt like there was something seriously wrong with me because I get so anxious and Afraid when I speak in front of a group even if it's just a group of three people or two people and so one day I talk to my friend and I I asked her how can I overcome my fear of speaking my friend said join toast m sers what's that I asked Google it my friend replied my friend was very helpful so I Googled Toast Masters and I found out it's a public speaking organization that will help you overcome your fear of speaking and help you communicate better I joined one of the clubs and I could still remember my first time to deliver a speech in front of 20 people I was so nervous my knees were shaking my heart was racing and my mind went blank and I could feel that a tear was about to fall I was already in my 20s then and I didn't want anyone to see me cry there was a Lecter beside me and so I hid behind the Lecter and while I was hiding behind the Le I realized wait a minute sh are you are you disrespecting your audience you need to you need to stand up again so I stood up again and faced my audience and at that point my tears betrayed me I was crying in front of 20 people and I was trying so hard to recall my speech whatever I memorized from my speech but I couldn't remember a single word I couldn't even remember the title of my speech I looked at the audience and I saw that there were three of them who were crying with me and that's when I realized how supportive an environment Toast Masters was and then the audience members told me it's okay sha take your time take your time and so I took my time to cry when there were no more tears left I went back to my seat and that was my first speech no words just tears but even if I did not UT a single word that day I learned that day that it is safe to speak up and so I kept on attending the meetings I kept on delivering speeches and I was being evaluated later on I wrote a couple of books and I was invited by companies and organizations to motivate their employees through my speaking engagements the more I spoke in front of other people the more I realized that public speaking doesn't have to be scary and then I got curious if public speaking doesn't have to be scary and that it can be fun why is it that a lot of people are afraid of public speaking various surveys say that 75% of people have fear of public speaking and so that really that really picked my curiosity why why are we so afraid of public speaking and then I discovered the answer to my question we are scared of public speaking because of the thoughts we built around it I learned in positive psychology that our thoughts affect our feelings our feelings affect our actions and our actions affect our results so if we feel scared of public speaking it is because of the thoughts we built around it so whenever you feel scared whenever we feel scared before we we we act on it we need to go back first what thoughts are we thinking that are making us afraid of public speaking and through the years I did a lot of self self-reflection I also interviewed a lot of people from diverse backgrounds and different nationalities students Millennials entrepreneurs professionals senior sweet SE sweet leaders in their in their 60s and I asked them why are you afraid of public speaking the answers I got were Universal and they all boil down to this single thought that public speaking is a performance the moment we think of public speaking is as a performance it feels like we need to act and we feel so vulnerable and so exposed and we have thoughts like what if I forget my lines what if I don't know what to say next what if I can't engage the audience what if I'm boring and we have all these thoughts right no wonder we're afraid of public speaking public speaking is not a performance and I am here today to share with you a different way of thinking about public speaking how about we think of public speaking as a conversation as if you're just telling a story to your friend I am blessed because I have a mama who listened to my stories for two to three hours every single day ever since I was young so my mama listened to my stories ever since I learned how to talk all the way until I graduated from high school and it's the same with you you've been having conversations with your families friends mentors schoolmates you've youve had practice when it comes to public speaking you've had lots of practice because you know how to converse public speaking is a conversation between the speaker and the audience and maybe you're telling me sha how can you tell it it's a conversation when you're the only one talking and we're listening right so think of it this way in a conversation both parties take turns to speak and listen so when it's your turn speak in public imagine that it's your turn to speak in a conversation right let us explore the similarities between public speaking and conversation and I'd like to share three similarities in conversations you need to take into consideration who you're talking to and what is the purpose of your conversation I have a brother who recently got married he and his wife have a happy marriage but I can't stand how my brother would baby talk his wife during our dinner conversations and I bet the way my brother would talk to his wife is different from the way he would talk to his clients it's the same with public speaking who is your audence what message do they need to hear the way you would talk to Millennials is different from the way you would talk to Baby Boomers the way you would talk to students is different from the way you would talk to Sea sweet leaders the second similari is that in a conversation you need to connect with your audience so IM with with a person you're talking with so imagine you you you C you had this catch up with your friend because you plan the swap stories and then your friend arrived and she looked so messed up and disoriented because she just came from traffic now you just you don't just say hey I have a story to tell listen to this right you need to connect with your friend first and ask her are you okay do you need water okay take your time it's the same with public speaking what is the state of your audience are they tired do you need to speak slower or faster do you need to tone down or calm down your voice to calm them down I remember when I gave a keynote in um convention in Paris France I was the closing keynote speaker and by lunchtime everyone was so tired because there were two languages being used in the convention and so I realized okay so what is the state of the audience the moment I walk on stage they would be tired already and so I decided maybe I should up their energy and so by lunchtime I tweaked my 50% of my talk and I Incorporated one of my music videos permission to dance by BTS and I invited everyone to dance on stage so this is one of my music videos that I shared with them and I invited people to dance with me and they dance as well and and that was the perfect way to end day one of the convention and transition to the ganite my video didn't play you didn't see my beautiful music video that's okay and the third similarity is that if we want to get better and better at conversations and public speaking it takes practice so we need to practice and maybe you're saying okay sha now that I got this idea that I can see public speaking as a conversation I can get excited but what if I still get nervous what will I do it is okay to get nervous and it is normal to get nervous which leads me to my final story for this talk in May 2018 I flew to Singapore to attend a global convention for speakers and although I have been speaking to diverse groups of Filipino audiences in the Philippines and abroad I I realized that wow this is a new audience and I was so nervous and I told myself okay sh we'll be in our listening and learning mode for this convention we won't talk and then one of the speakers showed his book and said I have this book and I want to give it to the first person who will answer this question in 30 seconds I love books and I love meeting fellow authors so I raised my hand I shared my answer he gave me the book and I was happy and that was it or so I thought I was so surprised because during the break people about 10 speakers came up to me and handed me their calling cards and said sha are you are you are you on LinkedIn do you have a calling card can we exchange calling cards and then later that year or a year later I was invited to speak at conferences in Singapore India Malaysia and the Maldives the 30 second speech that I delivered launched my career as a global speaker and not only that when I decided to put up two free online Summits the HR Summit Global and the world gratitude Summit I invited these speakers to speak at my Summits and they said yes as their way of giving back and together we were able to serve 25,000 participants from 15 nationalities during the height of the pandemic and this would never have happened if I didn't dare to speak up even if I was still nervous is fear of public speaking preventing you from speaking up what are you missing out on because you're not speaking up and what are others missing out because you're not sharing your insights public speaking doesn't have have to be scary it is a conversation it's like talking to a friend telling stories to a friend whenever I got so nervous and pressured to give a talk in front of a group I remember what public speaking is and why I'm doing it and I recall my favorite conversations especially with my mama and how those conversations made me feel safe seen and appreciated I am here standing on this prestigious Ted X stage because I also want you to feel safe seen and appreciated through my talk public speaking doesn't have to be scary it can be fun as a student raise your hand during recitation as an employee share your insights during team meetings as a leader speak up and lift others up if you need more practice in public speaking engage in more conversations you got this this is Shino and I wish you Fearless possibilities

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 14,110

Keywords: English, Self-help, Social Sciences, TEDxTalks, Vulnerability, [TEDxEID:53378]

Id: h0VesrxpscE

Length: 16min 22sec (982 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 08 2023