How to Stop People From Interrupting You: The 3-Step Anti-Interruptor from Dan O'Connor

what do you do when you're in a situation where somebody's deliberately trying to interrupt you because they think that either what you have to say is irrelevant you're invisible to them they're trying to talk over you they're trying to make you feel invisible or they're bulldozing over you how do you stop that today you're going to learn the three-step anti interrupter this is one of my personal favorites and if you're new to this channel I'm communication skills expert Dan O'Connor and I specialize in tactical communication and I'm gonna be putting these out at least once a week along with new ask Dan topics and new live sessions so I look forward to seeing you all there make sure to subscribe for notifications on those okay now first of all let's start out what not to do I hope that you have your danger phrase list handy because throughout this whole course is going to always be giving you danger phrases and power phrases today the danger phrase I'd like to give you is the most common thing that people say when other people try to interrupt them okay so imagine if you're watching people communicate you know you're watching two people who give a presentation and they're competitors let's say and while one of them is given the information the other competitor starts to jump in and so you have all that maybe about what is the average person say to counter that what do they say yeah they'll say things like excuse me I'm apart me I haven't finished don't say that remember the last thing you want to do under these circumstances first of all is the common thing I mean you don't ever want to let somebody know with your words I'm a common predictable communicator just so you know that's generally not gonna serve us too well but in addition to that you don't want to do something that's passive you know and say something like excuse me or pardon me when somebody's interrupting you don't do that that sends a really strong message on a subconscious level that's going to let that person know you're gonna be a piece of cake to block right over you'll be able to be interrupted and there's nothing you can do about it if you start out like that so do not let those words fly out of your mouth okay number one remember that when somebody interrupts you many times we will look away from them you know if they were a competitor sitting next to us at a table for example many times we would just look away from them and be like excuse me I'm sorry Ivan for the hello don't do that instead look them straight in the eye you want to look them right in the eye you want to lean your head a little bit forward so that your forehead is going to be the thing closest to them you know not your chin not your nose your forehead just like a bull is about to charge before they charge they do that make eye contact not too wide but you do want to open up your eyes and make sure that if you're naturally kind of you know do be odd if you're you know make sure to show your entire iris not all of the white around your iris and we'll talk about that two different lessons but at least let them know I'm paying attention to you okay as you nod your head forward number two use a universal stop gesture so depending on where you may be in the world you might have a different way of saying stop like you're in Mexico here at Mexico I don't know how it actually evolved but you see when people say no they will do this and when people say yes they will do that ah maybe it's because their mouths are full a lot I don't know mine is but the universal stop gesture is that you know so you're letting them know oh I'm not letting this by I'm going to be in your face if you're going to interrupt me which in essence is telling me what you have to say is more important and relevant than what I have to say if you let that happen once you're doing [Music] because not only will that person not respect you the people watching and listening are going to think okay what they have to say is more relevant or is important or they are a more powerful communicator there's no medals that you will win or no you know Awards of compassion or or or a Nobel Prizes that you're going to win letting somebody take your power and your platform from you never okay you're not winning anything for that there's only a lose they're all right having said that the first two steps never remember what step number one lean towards them make direct white eye contact and put your forehead first number two use a universal stop gesture as you do that and to wrap it up step number three is to you a anti interrupter statement now remember most people will say things like you know if you could just let me finish you know if it excuse me pardon me but they can figure all that out with your anti interrupter statement which is very simple and very direct and to-the-point number one choice is I'm speaking okay if that's a little bit too much for you number two I'm still speaking or maybe you could try number three I haven't finished you know because maybe at the beginning of this situation you might if you know that they have a tendency to interrupt you might want to tell them at the beginning you know I do want to hear everything that you have to say and I want you to get everything out onto the table but not until I'm finished saying what I have to say all right so I do want to hear what you have to say but not if you're going to interrupt me then I don't want to hear it you know if you need to say something like that say that at the beginning and then as you're speaking if somebody interrupts you I haven't finished and then you can keep on speaking but remember that you want to be able to say things like I'm still speaking or you know because you're talking if somebody tries to interrupt you I'm speaking and then you keep speaking without stopping it might seem simple to say I'm speaking and then keep speaking without stopping or to say I'm still speaking and then just keep speaking without stopping or I have not finished and then to keep speaking it might seem easy it is not because most of us have not said most of us in our entire life have never said to somebody I'm speaking and then kept speaking without missing a beat or I'm still speaking and then kept speaking most of us have never done that so if you think it's going to be easy especially when emotions are running high you are wrong that is why you want to say that out loud with me right now say it out loud I'm speaking say that I'm speaking I'm speaking say that again I'm speaking I'm speaking now say I have not finished I have not finished say that again I have not finished say it again I have not finished remember that when you are using new verbal patterns new language patterns just like any other new language it's going to sound awkward when it first comes out of your mouth just like if you've ever learned a second language or a third language or fourth when you first start learning any language most of us sound very awkward as we speak it because our mouth is not used to making those sounds it's not used to speaking those verbal patterns this is no different when you start saying things that you have not said before it feels uncomfortable it sounds uncomfortable and it sounds like you don't normally say this and so people will latch on to that because remember that our subconscious mind is much stronger than our conscious mind and so people who are bullies who are interrupters by nature will just kind of be able to they'll sniff it out you're faking it you can assume you can't anti interrupting me now having said that you can interrupt it just about anybody if you really know how so if you have somebody who is a steamroller and will cover all the names of the different difficult people and other lessons but if you're dealing with a steamroller people who just won't stop talking and you're trying to interrupt them but they just keep going and going because they think that they have a message that you need to hear and now is the time you need to hear it so they're just gonna keep going and keep going remember that to interrupt somebody use their name over and over again generally three times is the charm you know generally if you say to somebody Mary Mary Mary people will be like what about what if you keep repeating somebody's name just like our children - you know what I mean when you are doing something and you've already told your kids hey I'm gonna be busy for the next 10-15 minutes so you know am-scray you know what they'll do when they really wants you to answer them you know they'll just say it mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom you know you'll be thinking to yourself I'm not going to I'm not I'm not gonna let them interruption I'm not gonna respond because if I keep responding I know they keep doing it because dan oconnor says what gets rewarded gets repeated and he's right now seen that I've done that so I'm not gonna do it again oh my god it was showing it I'm gonna change my name is there any way that I can change my legal name is or anybody just from mom so that I could what you know right and then you'll eventually say what it'll be like huh works every time what gets rewarded gets repeated so remember that if you want to interrupt somebody that's how to do it you know if if if when you say I'm speaking hey I'm still speaking hey I haven't finished yet and they haven't stopped that's going to be very rare because most people when you say to them I'm still speaking I have not finished when you do that most people will be like oh geez okay whatever okay you don't know where you grew those but all right but if under if it if it in rare circumstances they keep talking just use their name over and over again and when they finally say what say I have not finished and then don't say things such as now as I was saying don't say that say it you know I mean as you were saying say it keep going don't let somebody steal your thunder your platform your words your moment don't let that happen just remember you want to practice many times as many times as you can saying things even that may seem simple such as I'm speaking and then you keep speaking without missing a beat so that when it comes time for you to say I'm still speaking and then keep speaking you'll be able to do it it'll come out naturally it'll sound like you do what like this is not your first rodeo and people will be impressed people who watching it will be like oh did you see that and you will leap up the scale of respect leaps and bounds when you let them and everyone else no don't interrupt me when I tell you not to and under normal circumstances they'll be like and look at that I was just talking to him the other day and I think I interrupted him he didn't say a thing oh my gosh I must be special that's right that was a different situation and so of course we want to be reasonable people about it because if we go around telling everybody you know I'm still speaking I'm speaking no one will want to speak to us anymore because most of us interrupt other people as we converse with them so we want to you know use that one sparingly but now you know what to do when it comes time to do it do that but remember to practice it in advance and I as I told you included in my new flagship instant communication program they all come with audio visual kinesthetic tools all of these lessons including this one and we give it a link to it you need to use those tools if this is something that you want to implement in your life remember don't just hear something or read something you want to hear it speak it read it write it here at speak and read it write it when you hear it speak it read it write it like you can make things your own otherwise you're gonna think you made it your own then it'll come time to do it you'll be like hey excuse me I'm talking oh you're doing so remember to download the materials that come with this and if you have not done so yet go to my website and sign up for the free communication starter kit that'll get you started with things like this and if you are a VIP member soon this will be in our store and this of course like everything else will be included in your VIP membership so all of these lessons that are coming out of my new instant communication program for the VIP members who get them all for free and remember that this tactic just like all the other tactics that I teach are not just powerful and tactical they're mindful because in this course and in every course that I have you'll note if you know me the overriding theme and no matter what it is that I'm teaching or what it is that I'm learning if it's going to be something that sticks with me and it's going to be part of my communication verbal repertoire or something that I teach it's going to be something that comes from a compassionate or loving place and showing other people that what you have to say matters and that you value it that is a loving thing to do to train other people how to treat us how to communicate with us and to show them that we ourselves value what we have to say therefore we're going to have to insist that when I tell you to let me finish you let me finish that is a compassionate thing to do because not only are you liberating yourself you know and giving yourself permission to do that people who are watching and learning from you because we teach people by demonstration people who are watching and look to you even if they don't know it but they look to you to see how am I supposed to communicate you're teaching them as well and that is a wonderful compassionate thing to do so remember that no matter what you're doing especially these days because I don't know where you are but wherever you are chances are it's a little bit different today from the world you lived in six months ago so I hope that wherever you find yourself or you know whoever you may be stuck with it new quarantine I hope that you have managed to surround yourself with people that you love and who love you right back because you deserve that and they deserve the most loving part of you so no matter what you have to say when you're speaking to those people that you love no matter what you have to say say it in a loving way you can do that I can help you if you need any help I'm here so remember if you have not yet subscribed to this channel subscribe so that you can get more videos like this and make sure to stop by my website I'm putting links to that the materials and the over the next video you're gonna love it so make sure to either click on it or subscribe here and come back for an this is dan oconnor for everybody here at the under counter training setting off you

Channel: Online Communication Skills Training Courses

Views: 13,588

Rating: 4.9613528 out of 5

Keywords: how to stop people from interrupting you, how to prevent people from interrupting you, strategies to stop people from interrupting, how to stop someone from interrupting you, how to stop my boss from interrupting me, stop interrupting, how to, stop interrupting me, strategies to stop interrupting people, how to prevent coworkers from interrupting, interrupt, interrupting people, stop interrupting me meme, joe rogan stop interrupting me, me, communication tips, interrupters

Id: a-2nTejZlik

Length: 14min 21sec (861 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 04 2020