How To See Past What Drives You Nuts | Janine Marie Driver | TEDxWilmington

let's take a trip back in time the year is 1991 we're in the Berkshires the frigid mountains of Western Massachusetts you're at a college and you notice a girl like a lunatic jumping up and down grabbing something out of these trees that girl is me and I'm grabbing my bras out of these trees my not so sexy bras and fitly the guys did this to me and I totally had it coming now being originally from Boston I'm a New England Patriots fan and the guys next door would always have these football parties every time the Pats Grande and there was guys only they would never invite me and I like sports so I would take it personally so I would solve the problem every time they'd have a game everyone would be in the house I would take a chair outside of the townhouse and stand on it and look in the window and I would wait patiently for that critical play you know the critical play with the ball is like in the air you guys what are you doing you're like this you're like yeah at the edge of your seats and then in that moment I would turn the channel with my remote control yeah yeah I did it's true it's true hands-down the best football season I've ever had in my entire life that will say there's a little a little hitch in my fun game playing it lasted all season until Super Bowl weekend and I got sentenced to a day of bra rescue but what happened was the guys were blaming each other they literally started fighting with each other like who was screwing with who and they stopped talking to each other created this like big brouhaha but this was a sacrifice I was willing to make and I want to ask you I'm curious what's putting you in the nuthouse what's been putting you in the nuthouse and because of whatever that is is there a potential that you could lose a relationship that's not worth losing that's worth keeping in your life to find the answer to this question I want to take you on a little a little journey today see here's what happens the solution has to do with the way we actually move our bodies and many people are surprised to hear about this because the way we move our bodies connects to our brain and influences the way we make our decisions in life so let's go on a little trip because there are two roadblocks that are preventing us from looking past what drives us nuts before you can get excited to find out more about all the movement let's look at these roadblocks the first one let's buckle up we're going to one of my favorite places in the United States Washington DC this is my friend Jeff he's single you can tell this is a bar well maybe you don't know it's a bar in Georgetown but what you can tell is this these pictures are authentic because there is one single man for three single women in the DC area I have asked over 50,000 people to questions about these pictures one which Jeff makes more money and two which Jeff is more likely to get one of the girls phone numbers and in embeddable II almost everyone says picture B I think the people who pic picture a are attracted to difficult people but this isn't my point see yes out of all the things you put on to come out here today at all the things you put on today the thing that will be judged the most is your body language but that's not my point for our talk today my point is when I say a or B everyone decides everyone chooses a or B but yet many of us will tell you that we're not judgmental we're not judgmental of course we're all judgmental it has something to do with our survival mechanisms we judge the new baby sitter our kids safe with that baby sitter we judge the uber driver when they pull up riot we judge is this a good good decision for me to make or not we are judgmental and sometimes we make the judgments and other times we make not-so-good judgments right like for me when I've made bad judgments it's been catastrophic it's resulted in me losing friends time money my virginity I mean my like dignity like dignity should I think I think this is a good time to travel to another trip what are you agree all right now let's head it to Massachusetts again this time we're going to be in a nice place called Harvard University in Cambridge and here at Harvard a couple researchers wanted to find out if radiologists could spot precancerous cells in pictures of x-rays and so they were asked to look at these x-rays and to spot them but here's the trick a couple of the x-rays had something that didn't belong in them and if you look closely you could see it's actually in this picture I'm showing you it's right here in the top right corner it's a gorilla but 83% of radiologists 83% missed the gorilla in the lungs this is a study called inattentional blindness and this is important because it proves that when we are so focused on something that is challenging in front of us we can miss something more important that's right in front of our eyes and this can result in us losing friendships money time and our virginity what is it that you're missing in your life so listen this gorilla you know it's not that big of a deal right so there's a gorilla in lungs and then my friends missing my cute adorable face in the window of their townhouse during the football games they missed that those aren't a big deal but there are inattentional blindness moments that are a huge deal as a matter of fact it's the kind of stuff where you go in a job interview and you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe and no one told you write those moments or you have a friend right now who's addicted to drugs a loved one and everyone seems to know it but you and when you find out you feel blindsided or your daughter told you two days ago when she fell off her bike and you are so focused on something else that you ignore it and shake it off and you find out today when you go to the hospital it's broken in three places that's inattentional blindness and incidentally no gorillas were harmed in preparation for this talk just when I get that out of the way it's true that's true inattentional blindness has blindsided me more than once one of the biggest times was six years ago my amazing loving mother a nurse for elderly homeless people st. on earth my best friend she found out that her cancer had bad news it spread throughout her body and the doctors literally told us get your affairs in order your mother has a couple months to live it becomes my life mission and my family how do we take a couple months and we turn that into years and while I was a hundred percent focused on mom and all my attention was there my trusted business partner and friend my confidant my anchor and the midst of a storm stole thousands of dollars from me rate underneath my nose this was not only hurtful this was embarrassing because here's the deal I'm in the detecting deception business and I'm good at it I am I'm good at it I go on television shows and they call me the human lie detector I've written two books on the topic for sixteen years I used to work for a federal law-enforcement agency as an investigator for 16 years ATF the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms my dad used to tell all his buddies I was his daughter who turned her hobbies into a career drinking smoking shooting yeah so I get it if you have been blindsided by something that everyone else saw in your life but you and you're full of some type of blame and shame I get it so how about you forgive yourself starting today because it's inattentional blindness it's that that can be the jerk what is it that we're missing that's right in front of us now some of you are looking at me and you're saying okay so there's this inattentional blindness and then there's this thing that this this thing that you're talking about we're judgmental but we're judging stuff and we don't have the full picture Janene how do we get our ticket out of the nut house out of crazytown how do we look past the things that drive us nuts if these two bro blocks are in our way I'm so glad because now we get to travel to England to the 1950s and I want to introduce you to a new man by the name of Warren lamb Warren lamb discovered he was a movement expert and he discovered that the way we move our bodies literally connects to our brain and influences how we make decisions he called it movement pattern analysis movement pattern analysis this is really fascinating because it's almost like we have movement DNA or we have a behavioral fingerprint and we're so unique that that by understanding this it allows us to understand why some things drive me nuts but they don't drive you nuts because we're all so incredibly different as a matter of fact there's 36 billion billion with ABI different behavioral fingerprints and it allows me in these moments to take a step back and say wait a minute you know am I missing something here but many of us have never heard of movement pattern analysis right we haven't heard of it why I'll tell you why we haven't heard of it we haven't heard of it because it literally is the gorilla in the world of body language we don't know it exists so we don't know to look for it so therefore we don't see it but it doesn't mean that it's not there moving power analysis is so fascinating that how you move your body if I were to talk to you for two hours I could tell you are you the type of person who's motivated to investigate a problem or explore a creative solution are you the type of person that stands your ground or weigh pros and cons maybe even take something complex and make it easy to understand are you the type of person that can seize the moment or either type of person that literally can look ahead in the future and see where all the problems are movement pattern analysis has been studied by Harvard University the Pentagon secretly used it to predict decisions of world leaders like Putin when he took over a country by the name of Crimea in Titan's business Titans from 30 countries have been using this for decades to make stronger teams and to hire executives but many of us have have never heard of it so how do we do this you know what is it that we can do differently now that we know our that this exists this movement pattern analysis see what we've discovered is that it can help you it can inspire you to look at your situation completely differently to to look around the things that drive you nuts like for me Jeannette Jeanette's one of my business partners and she's one of these people that can kind of drive me crazy you know you may have these people in your life where they get they get so angry they like come at you like at a diagonal you know like when they're walking like they're in ski boots well when Jeanette comes at me like that old days I used to think she was angry but now I know that that it's not anger she's actually full of anxiety the thing that drives me nuts about Jeannette is actually the thing I admire the most about her because in those moments she's so living in the future that she stresses me out but guess what else she's doing she's setting goals measuring progress updating plans see movement pattern analysis it can't be changed the reason you've never understood it or heard about it is because regular body language what we can manipulate it I make a living out of this right so everyone's depot right here when we steeple people we can intimidate people I say when you shake someone's hand don't shake it from the side shake straight on we face our belly button towards people we like admire and trust I call this naval intelligence but your behavioral fingerprint by the time tonight was 20 she is who she is but attorney or twenty or behavioral fingerprint is what it is it's not changeable it's not something that can be manipulated it's just it is who we are it stems back to those movements that we don't know how we're moving that's who we really are think about my guys in college right the guys next door they would do this move at the football games all the time maybe you guys do it to that oh yes oh this is called to increase in pressure this links back to when we're little teeny kids I have three sons today and my two youngest are two and one a my little two and one year old when they don't get their way they do this move is this look familiar what's happening in their little teeny bodies is it's starting to have a conversation with their little teeny brains and they're learning how to talk with one another and it's significant because when my little guys become men one day this is one of two movements that will be connected with them being able to stand their ground and persist against difficult odds and not throw in the towel when the when the going gets tough by understanding we have this behavioral fingerprint when someone drives me nuts to look behind it to look beyond it you know what I do I do a technique that I know works is it shot like a charm because it stems back to when we were babies it's this wiggle you wiggle from your forehead to your Fanny it's impossible to be angry and wiggle I'm telling you look at me young man when I'm talking to you like you can't you can't be angry I try it you can't so Jan acts like walking at me with an angle like a couple of weeks ago like the ski boots and she yells at me and she comes up then she goes I've been trying to call you for over an hour where have you been I thought you were hurt now in the old days that dull Jeanine would become the lady with the big voice but now that I know better I do better my Angela would say when you know better you do better so now I do better in those moments see what I know to do is to do this wiggle so when Jeanette walks away from me I'm behind her wiggling through the office she has an idea I'm three feet behind her and I'm wiggling through the office through the lobby all the way till we get to the bathroom and I go in the bathroom she sees me and I give her a great big hug and in that moment I say to Jeanette I love you kiddo and she cannot believe what how I'm full of such compassion and she literally bursts out crying listen I am addicted to this love wiggle there's tons of techniques we can use but I love the wiggle I think it's hereditary because my mother wiggled and wriggled wherever she went she wiggled and danced in restaurants and a bathroom in airports as a matter of fact she wiggled her way to a miracle because what happened was she turned those couple months into three more years of living and that doctors couldn't explain why but I can explain why as I say my goodbyes because she wiggled her way to America as we say goodbye on our journey and you returned home to your lives I challenge each of you to remember that we each have a behavioral fingerprint we are unique I challenge you to remember that if there there are moments where you can't giggle it off just wiggle it off and I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen if you have the courage to do that in that moment you may just save a relationship that's worth saving see I know as a fact that when you are willing to help yourself the world will pound down your door to cheer you on and I believe that's an idea worth spreading thank you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 299,312

Rating: 4.9176135 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, United States, Science (hard), Apes, Biology, Body language, Brain, Change, Childhood, Consciousness, Decision making, Emotions, Friendship, Identity, Life Hack, Relationships

Id: IZLgWQkvIQg

Length: 16min 54sec (1014 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 27 2016