Reading minds through body language | Lynne Franklin | TEDxNaperville

[Music] hi I'm Lynn Franklin I have one question for you how would you like to be a mind reader because part of these thinking I bet your minds thinking that's not gonna happen here's the truth people's brains process information they think in three different ways and their body language will tell you all day long what their primary style is you just need to know what to look for and what to do when you see it and it's not one of those were she's leaning back her arms across she's frowning so she must be unhappy it's actually understanding how their brains work and then presenting your information in a way that people can see it hear it and feel it and increase the chances that they'll say yes to whatever you're proposing and also decrease the chances that you'll do something stupid like this back in my 20s before I knew any of this stuff I had a client who was a corporate controller and he would sit across from me in meetings and he was always looking down with the occasional glance up and I thought okay well he's a numbers guy he just feels comfortable looking at the numbers and then his time went on I thought well you know he's just socially inept and he doesn't know how to give me eye contact and finally because I was young and stupid I thought every time he's looking up he's looking at my chest and I'm offended and there was one point I actually went a meeting what excuse me I'm up here ooh yeah talk about judgmental here's the scoop this guy's brain worked in a way that he was never gonna give me eye contact and no matter how many times I modeled the behavior I wanted him to use all that did was make both of us feel uncomfortable so how can you tell how can you read people's body language to read your minds we're gonna show you right now and that means I'm gonna bring out our first body language James thank you James James represents 75% of the world you didn't know this about James but James is a looker what that means is that James's brain thinks in pictures and images in pictures and images and here's how we can tell that James is a looker from his body language first thing he stands up tall he has good posture second he's dressed well because appearance is important to lookers the next thing you'll notice about James is that he holds a little stress in his shoulders lift up your shoulders a little bit yeah keeps his oldest stress there next thing you'll notice he has wrinkles in his forehead because James looks up when he remembers something he has seen and he looks up more often than most of us do next thing you notice about James is that he has thin lips I come in and you know this is a chicken and egg thing we're not quite sure why lookers have thin lips but most of them do and the other thing about lookers is they give you lots of eye contact look at him look at him look at him all of them look at all of them thanks James okay now that you know that James is a looker here are the two things you do to build rapport with him the first is that you give him lots of eye contact because he literally believes if you do not look at him you are not paying attention to him and you are ignoring him the second thing you do with lookers is you give them words that have a visual component to it I see what you mean or look at this or let's picture working together this way so you use the type of language that is going on in James's brain those are lookers 75% of people in the world our next body language model is Marge and Marge represents 20 percent of the people in the world Marge is a listener what this means is that Marge's brain thinks in words and sounds in words and sounds and this is the body language that you will see in a listener first Marge not as well dressed as James because appearance is not as important to her sorry Marge next Marge has a tendency to look down into the left because that's where you look when you are remembering something you have heard next thing you notice about Marge is that a lot of times she'll put her head in her hand it's called telephone posture other things you'll notice about Marge is that she has a tendency to mumble to herself go ahead mumble and it's not that she's crazy it's that she thinks in words and sounds so she's literally talking to herself another thing to notice about Marge yep she's the pen clicker and the Banger on the pen on the table these are listeners twenty five twenty percent of the people in the world thanks Marge you want to appeal to listeners you do two things first thing you do not give them lots of eye contact it freaks them out that's exactly what was going on with that corporate controller so what you do is with them when they're speaking you look at them and then you look away and when you're speaking you look at them and then look away the second thing you do with listeners is that you use words that are auditory that sounds good to me or let's talk this over that's the type of language their brain uses so you're using that to appeal with them listeners 20% of the people in the world and our final body language model is marina and marina represents 5% of the people in the world give a round of applause marina is a toucher not what you think what that means is that marinas brain thinks in feelings and tactile 8in feelings and tactically and here's the kind of length body language you will see in a toucher first thing and the biggest talent touches is whether or not they've ever met you before in their lives they are ready to hug you second thing you'll notice about touchiers is that they are dressed for comfort rather than style next thing is that they have full lip skin big lips same thing I I know it's they more touches have full lips next thing you'll notice about touches is that they have a tendency to lean in because they are trying to decrease the amount of physical space between you and them and build rapport that way touches also have a tendency to reach out and touch your arm and when they're in conversation with you and touches also have a tendency to look down because that's where you look when you're remembering something you have felt thanks marina all right you want to build rapport with touches 5% of the people in the world here are the two things you do if you feel comfortable let them touch you appropriately please but if you don't feel comfortable because a lot of us if you've never met somebody before and they're ready to give you a bear hug you know the last thing you want to do is go because we've all done that and it does not build rapport so if a toucher is coming at you and you don't feel comfortable to stick your hand out give these people a point of contact with you that's what they're looking for the second thing you do with touches is you use language that either has a feeling to it or is tactile so I want to hear how you're feeling about this let's get in touch reach out and tell me what you think that's the kind of language that appeals to touches people who process information in feelings and tactile ate so I'm gonna read your mind again and you're probably thinking so which one of these three am I let's figure that out right now what I want you to do is close your eyes and remember an important memory now this could be something from your childhood maybe your 10th birthday party it could be something that happened to you last week so an important memory now I want you to pay attention to how you're remembering it are you remembering it like a movie or a series of pictures and images are you remembering it by hearing what people said or describing what happened or are you remembering it how you felt or how things felt to you okay open up your eyes how many remembered it like a movie right most of you how many of you are describing it to yourself remembering what people said right listeners and finally how many of you remember how you felt or how things felt to you right now you know who you are that's the good news here's the bad news you're gonna treat everybody else as though they think the same way and you've already seen how awful that can be when you're working with a corporate controller who has a different way of thinking here's my invitation to you I want you to start paying attention to other people's body language to figure out how they think because here's the magic part of it once you start presenting your ideas in a way that they get them they will say yes to you more often but here's the scoop - I'm not asking you to become somebody else because you can't change how your brain works it's true you think in all three ways but just the way you have a dominant hand you have a dominant style you can't change that but what you can do is accommodate your language both body and verbal with the people you're with in order to build rapport which allows you to reach the full spectrum of people that you're hanging out with and here's the other magic thing you don't even have to be in somebody's presence to figure out how their brains were interested right all you need to do is listen to or look at the words they're using so if you're in a phone conversation listen for the words if you're reading an email look at the words people who are look or visual language people who are listeners will use more auditory words and people who are touches will use more feeling and kinesthetic words you don't have to be in that same space to know where they are so here's my challenge to you go back and read some of the emails that you have sent and you will notice now that you know who you are the kind of language that you're using and it'll back that up it happens with everybody so 10 minutes ago you didn't think you could read people's body language to read their minds and now you know what to do so Pratt the stuff on the people at home of the people at work and when you do this and when you use these tools to build rapport with all kinds of different people you'll become the most persuasive person in the room thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 2,557,447

Rating: 4.8479385 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Life, Body language, Brain, Communication, Connection, Social Interaction

Id: W3P3rT0j2gQ

Length: 11min 58sec (718 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 19 2017