She Went From $18,000 in Debt to Owning a 7 Figure Business! | Patrice Washington on Women of Impact

I'm Lisa B Leah and I went from housewife to co-found and a billion dollar company quest nutrition and now president of impact Theory our mission with this show is empower you and all women to recognize you really can become the hero of your own life welcome to women of impact for over 20 years today's women of impact believe she was ugly unworthy and found herself struggling with abandonment issues and between what she was told and seen her yearbook pictures well she believes she had no reason to think otherwise by 21 years old she found self not only an $18,000 in debt but unable to even look her self in the mirror but she took ownership she took a hard look at herself and realized it was time to take back control educating herself on finance she was able to not only turn things around but by the age of 22 she started her own real estate and mortgage brokerage business by 25 she was debt-free and had grown her company to seven figures but in 2008 after the tragic financial crash she lost everything her house her car her company and in an instant she found herself sleeping on her brother's couch scraping for change but like Muhammad Ali it's gonna take more than a habló to keep this fighter down refusing to quit she wiped the blood of her face dusted herself off and stood back up now create a house of redefining wealth TV and podcast a speaker a coach a private mentor and author of real money answers financial series her unique and relatable approach to finance is sweeping the nation she has made appearances on Fox & Friends Bloomberg TV and CNN money as well as featuring in hundreds of online and print publications including the New York Post cosmopolitan essence magazine and The Huffington Post just to name a few and as if that wasn't enough she gone at her own weekly segment as a personal financial expert on The Steve Harvey Show reaching over 3 million people a week so please help me in welcoming the woman who no longer chases money now she only seeks purpose the woman who no longer believes she's ugly she only brings beauty and the woman who no longer sleeps on her brother's couch now she sits on dr. Oz's the transformative money maven herself patrice washington welcome to the show my dear thank you for having me i want to start with the quote of yours and it was so powerful that i thought was perfect place to start building wealth has a hundred percent nothing to do with money it has a hundred percent everything to do with you and your mindset towards money so talk to me about your mindset when you had started to discover taking ownership building you know understanding finance to then losing it and what that mindset shift look like and then gaining it all back again so i grew up not learning very much about money directly so by the time I was about eighteen nineteen years old I started to have that introduction to it I literally thought it was just about the tactical skills right like many of us do I thought it was oh well now I know how to budget I know how much money I should save I know what are good accounts what are not so good accounts so I should be set for the rest of my life so when I actually ended up at the point of the recession after creating a seven-figure business and thinking I would ride out into the sunset with this lifestyle that I had when I lost everything it really threw me for a loop because I grew up like many of us grew up hearing that if you get good grades and you go to college and graduate and do something productive you should be fine and so I found myself in this place with I was doing all the right things so how did I still end up in this place how did I still end up shaking my old purses for change looking through couch cushions for change how did I end up at the welfare office applying for an EBT card so that I could get money for food to feed my baby I just had a newborn baby just that year before and it was at one of my lowest points where I was in the bathroom and the mayor literally crying and bawling and saying God why me I literally feel like I've done all of the right stuff I've been good to people I operate an integrity I ran a great business how did I get to this place and before I knew it my knees hit the floor and it was that uncontrollable ball and finally for me I I felt what I call the Holy Spirit or that still small voice that told me to get my Bible and so when I reached for my Bible the verse that I found was proverbs 1716 and it's that what good is money in the hands of a fool if they don't have the desire to seek wisdom and that hit me because I was like Here I am I was on the Dean's List at the University of Southern California I got my real estate of mortgage brokers license at 21 years old I have all these certifications and all this stuff I've been so good at seeking education that I had confused education for wisdom that was the first time it hit me that you can have all the skill set in the world but if you don't have the right mindset to match it you're always gonna probably find a way to self-sabotage you end up in the same place and I do realize that even though there was a recession going on there were other things that I could have done differently and the big one for me was ask for help hmm I didn't know how to ask for help I grew up in a Central American family with strong single women at the helm and everybody just figured it out made it happen and if you did ask for help people would say figure it out and make it happen and so I waited until my back was up against the wall so my homes were in foreclosure - I didn't have a choice but to lay off my staff you know I didn't I didn't know how to ask for help until it was really late in the game so for me when I shared with people about finances I've never just wanted it to be let me show you how to use a budget right you know let me talk to you about credit and I did get up off that floor and I used that as a starting place but I always knew that I needed to teach people that it was more than the money that it was about their mindset - and then help them bridge that gap that's amazing how do you ever come that in so you know okay I need to ask for help but when is my innate in you there's one thing about knowing and another thing about doing how did you coach yourself through asking that and not feeling bad about yourself because I think that's where my mind goes when I had to make a transition to ask for help and I started feeling badly about myself Oh am i weak because I'm asking for help and you stopped playing that that voice knew it and of course we go through this whole scenario like what are they gonna say well I especially when you're the one that people have always come to for help because the other thing was I didn't really know how to humble myself and ask because I was always being asked okay and so your mind tricks you at that point into believing that you're the expert mm-hmm right you start to believe well of course I know it all so Who am I supposed to go to but you never know it all and when I really started to think about just that I start to get you know you don't know what you don't know and it's not about having to go cry on every one shoulder and tell them all of your woes it was literally about keeping my mind focused on what is the next best step I know I don't understand what some of this looks like and going I know that this is what I want to do but I don't know what I don't know mm-hmm so can you help me fill in some gaps and I was pleasantly surprised and how many people love to talk about themselves how many people love to talk about themselves but also seriously how many people were willing to help I have had I think just such a marvelous journey over the last decade because I've had support of people just every step of the way and even when I didn't know what to ask people have literally just swooped in and just giving me a new idea or exposed me to something that made me go okay this was the next thing this was the you know the thing and I would just say you know getting over yourself and being more committed to the bigger picture yeah then how you feel about what someone may say in the moment because usually that's a story that we make up it's not even real and also our identity right is this is something that we make up talk to me about identity because I know that you've had to make a few shifts in your life oh I know there's been so many shifts for me one of the things that you mentioned your intro was just even growing up believing that I was ugly and I remember reading online which I never really reply to trolls or anything right but I remember reading online someone said she only gets work because she's pretty and I was like who my first thought was like what are they talking about because that never would occur to me and I started to realize I need to really share me more of my testimony because I don't think people understand that what they may see or perceive is something that I literally battled for 25 years the first 25 years of my life there were people in my family who were the ones that perpetuated that who told me that I was the ugly I was the blacki I was the darky your lips are too full your nose is too broad your eyes are big and weird and everything that they could pick apart they picked apart and so I remember being a little girl sitting in the tub making the water hotter and hotter so and scrubbing because I wanted to see if something lighter was under there I thought I was dirty and then I went to school and I was tall and the boys were all shorter than me and stuff and so I was always too tall and then I was super thin and they would talk about that and so I would wear extra clothes and I would slouch and I would tuck my lips in and I was just a mess like I was just uncomfortable with every part of me and it wasn't until I was 21 22 years old my husband my now has been almost 12 years but then he was my boyfriend he had put up blown up some big pictures of me that he loved he decorated my first condo I was out of town and he put up these big posters and when I came in I cried I loved what he did but the posters seemed cruel well see you quite as you thought it was mean-spirited I knew it wasn't logically but inside I couldn't reconcile why he would do that and I just kept saying why he's like you know I think these are beautiful and I'm like I don't I don't think so my husband then kind of suggested that I go to therapy and in therapy for two years pretty much talking about all the childhood trauma and different things that I had experienced and that was the first time I learned to forgive people that would never say I'm sorry hmm and I realized that hurt people really do hurt people I was 25 before I could look in the mirror without cringing so I've only been okay with myself really the last ten years and ironically that was the same for that was the same year my business hit seven figures there was just like a lot of no coincidence right no coincidence but now is the mother of a preteen a beautiful brown girl I feel like I have to keep having that conversation and making sure that she also knows how beautiful she is and that you know people will just say things but you have to know who you are and I'm so glad I got that lesson before I lost all my money speaking of identity because I have become so secure in in knowing who I was and knowing that I was a woman of purpose and knowing that even though I lost all my money my mind wasn't bad and if I did it before I could do it again I like that you said that you you're glad that you did the work before you lost everything because that must have been hard especially having come from a place of insecurity then getting confident enough to build up a seven-figure business yeah that's at that moment like I got where it's like I know my and then you lose it again and yeah if if you held your your identity and confidence to your business yeah then that could have easily have spiraled you back to where you were before the first absolutely I saw it happen with so many of my peers who were in real estate at that time people were used to making multiple six figures seven figures eight figures and then go write down and nothing a lot of people still have not rebounded right and people ask me all the time how did you do it the work started before then and that's really why you know even in my work now with redefining wealth I really teach people that wealth is not just about money and material possessions if your wealth is only caught up in money and material possessions you're going to eventually be miserable at some point because those things take a dip you know and they they can go up and down or in or out or you you know I've seen I know friends who have sold businesses for multi million-dollar figures and then they didn't know who they were after the business was soll had a lot of money but they didn't know what to do with themselves because they didn't have anything else attached to who they really were as a person and so redefining wealth I teach people that wealth is about well-being in every area of your life and so I break down these pillars but I do it so that folks can understand that we have to be fulfilled in different parts of our lives if one thing goes down that can't be the end-all be-all so if we're actually aware and paying attention to these different areas of our life and we know that they're absent flows in life and their seasons where some things are gonna be awesome and other things are gonna take a dip but overall we're good with us I think that's the goal you know really it is that is what I find so incredible incredible about your message because I absolutely was the person that was like oh well once once you get the money right and I know the yeah once we get this once we get the house once we get we'll be happy and I for sure did it and I kept my head down and for five years I was grinding and grinding and building quest and we were at the top of the game and that's when my health went terrible and for four years I've been struggling and I couldn't eat and I couldn't barely get out of bed and that's when I was like I'm I'm like the typical cliche right now that money can't buy happiness and people don't I think really believe it until they've had something like your business fails or my health fails and you're like wow if I don't have that purpose to hold on to then what does everything else matter what does it mean yeah we're good is it yeah and and that's why fit is actually our first okay let's talk about that yeah it is the first pillar and I talked about becoming your best self and you know I already talked about my journey with therapy which I'm still always in some form of therapy or counseling even now which is an amazing way like always maintenance but so I talked about being mentally fit because I do believe a lot of us are praying hoping wishing for levels of success that mentally were not prepared for late you can think that getting to the top and but the more visible you become there's a lot that comes with it and you have to be mentally prepared for that so we talk about that both in physical fitness I truly believe that if we have a vision for our lives that it's our duty to protect the vessel needed to execute the vision and we've been there I when I was building my first business I'm there sunup to sundown and go bad with lead go back to the office you know I mean grinding making it happen but I looked healthy I looked relatively healthy but then at one point I found myself in the ER for food poisoning and you know the doctor comes in he's like man do you realize you have other issues your blood levels are so low your hemoglobin levels are so low for a woman your age you should be at a 12 and above you're at a 4.8 Wow he's like your unfused and that means that you've been going like this for years did you even realize and he gave me a couple days to get to a hematologist I got the IV treatment and a few weeks later after it really kicked in Lisa when I tell you I was bouncing around I was like oh my gosh is this how healthy people feel I had no idea but I was like Here I am saying well God enlarge my territory and I can barely breathe around Beverly Hills where are you going you want all this stuff you want to have these long lines at your book signings you have to be able to stand up and engage with people and talk to people and do what it takes to travel back and forth across the country and do it but you have to take care of yourself in order to do that and I think sometimes in the grind to build we just forget the only vessel we get yeah that's why I was so amazed and I am so with you absolutely incredible so take me through than the other pillars because yeah so the next pillar is people it's about creating relationships that matter and so often when you're trying to build something again you're always looking for who can do what for me and I've always kind of taken the other approach and saying instead of saying what can I get I'm like what can I give and how can I support other people and I truly believe that there's always someone watching you who has the power to bless you but how do you show up and most of us are only showing up with the you know bright eyes and stuff if we think the person who can do something for us is watching but then we treat everyone else like crap but so to me relationships are everything not just professionally but also personally my daughter taught me a great lesson years ago she was about six years old and I have been on a tour and I came back I was in and out but it was a lot in a short period of time and three times in a row she called me the nanny's name she called me the nanny's name she was so excited she was telling me a story and she's like Miss Angela miss Angela and that broke my heart breaking my heart I broke my heart and that was one of the first times that I because I worked from home so I felt like well I'm home and I was confusing being present with being present and her calling me that innocently just a little kid she's like six years old I was like wow I really need to do a better job of being present I still need support because I understand that as much as I'm called to be her mother I am still called to be the money Mahan and I know we're both those roles and those hats proudly so it's not about trading one for the other but it is about understanding that when I am working I'm fully present so the fact that I'm working but when I'm also mom I do my best I might you know a hundred percent of the time no but I do my best to make sure that she knows that you know she's loved that we have a good relationship I scheduled things as much as possible around her activities it might drive me crazy to go cross town and trying to get to all her stuff but I do my best to make sure that she knows that she's loved and she supported and that I'm present and that to me is what the people pillar is about because what good is it to have public success and then be a private failure what good is it for all these young girls I was just speaking yesterday a couple thousand young women what good is it for them to run up to me and hug me and Oh Miss Washington you changed my life and all this stuff and then my daughter be at home and not know and a lot of people live that way and my husband and I have made a commitment especially as she's going into these middle school years and high school years that we will be present for her and so we've shifted a lot to make sure that we can be and that people pillar that's what that represents for us Wow yeah I was strong I can take me through the space then how why that's important oh my gosh the space pillar I think the space filler is something people just do not even consider so I really talked a lot about clutter and we say that clutter is the physical manifestation of chaos in your mind yeah and I don't know about you but if my desk is completely a mess I can't get things done I I will rather go sit at another table or go to the kitchen counter and go somewhere else but I can't sit in a space that has too much clutter going on and actually focus and think because I'm a content creator right and so that takes a lot of creativity and going within and if you are so distracted by all the little pieces of junk you have everywhere you don't realize how you block your own creative energy and your ability to move forward so I really am big on like organization and just tidying up and beautification and putting yourself in a space that makes you feel good so that you show up as your best if you are wasting time moving your laundry aside on your bed going I'm just gonna push it to the side and sleep in this corner like that is a waste of your mental space that is taking up mental real estate that you could use for something much more productive my husband and I we were moving recently we're preparing for another move now and so for in the interim we downsized into a smaller space and so we were going from this huge house and I was finding things in every nook and cranny of the house now the house always seemed immaculate and always tidy always in order but what really hit me is like how many things were hiding and just because they were nicely organized I didn't realize that it was still stuff hmm that I had just been carrying from season to season that note was no longer serving me so for me back to some of those times where I didn't even feel that great about myself so why do I keep carrying into every home and every met I'm like no even the hidden stuff even when it's stacked nice and pretty there might be something deeper there that you need to let go of there's something actually that you said I really want to talk about is excuses on how many people will give excuses of why they can't save money or adjust their behavior and then also they want to talk about why you say like just saving money for a rainy days like the worst thing to do so talk to me in fact let's hit excuses first because you must hit every excuse Under the Sun when it comes to finances oh yeah I hear it all well of course I don't I don't make enough is one and I don't make enough to say but what I really push back with is it's not the amount it's the muscle that you're building it's not the amount because what you're building is the muscle to do these things so if you put in your head I am a saver and you're like even if I get $100 a week I'm going to save $2 it's the point that as you make more money you are in the habit of doing it what people believe is well when I make more than I'll do it that's not true because you are who you are with a hundred dollars or with a hundred thousand dollars you are the same person so if you are not able to make that connection where you're starting once you get to where ever you think you're going you're not all of a sudden gonna go I'm gonna be the same now and if you are you're going to under say because you won't have any frame of reference for like really building up so you'll go oh ten thousand there's a lot I'll do mm right like you'll start to make justifications and I like to say that we rationalize a lot when it comes to our finances and to me that means ration out lies we like to lie to ourselves we lie to ourselves we lie to our friends and family we you know especially if you have girlfriends who are like you saying things like well girl you deserve that cuz that's a favor okay let's talk about that that's a favorite when you have girlfriends and friends and they're like well you to serve to go do this it's like do you deserve that or are you thinking about who you want to be in the future and what do you want in the future do you deserve this little trinket that's not even going to fulfill you you're not even gonna really enjoy it past this moment or do you deserve that life of freedom that awaits you should you get some discipline mm-hmm you know I don't believe in deprivation I'm not one of those personal finance people who are like don't get your hair done don't get your nails done don't get your makeup don't do it I'm not that person but I do believe in discipline and I think a lot of the excuses that we make are really about us not wanting to just be disciplined mm-hmm and just face it head-on and we rationalize like way too much and we associate very negative words so to your point about the emergency fund yeah I really believe that words are powerful I know you believe that you're a person and I believe that what you verbalize you magnify in your own life and the more you talk about something the bigger it becomes to you the more real it becomes to you right and so if you're going around going oh my gosh I have to save for a rainy day and then you start saying well when it rains it pours like you see I can yeah I always said no I want to say for a sunny day I don't want an emergency fund I don't I don't want an emergency fund now do emergencies happen yes accidents don't make appointments things come up I totally get that what I'm saving for are opportunities I'm saving for the opportunity to invest in that next business or you know set up my set or do do you know invest in my book or invest in this I always even know as we were rebuilding I would always tell my husband we need to focus on what we want we can't focus on what we don't want I don't want to think about a leaky roof I don't want to think about a flat tire I don't want to think about any of these negative things that people finance people try to shove down your throat say you better prepare for this now here's the reality if it happens I've already been saving because I've been saving for something I want it so now if something does happen I don't have to make something that should have just been an inconvenience a crisis right I have the money to go do it did I want to spend it on that no but I would rather have it and not need it right then not have it and so I always have talked about just focus on the good stuff and then you can handle the other stuff as it comes up and I'm not gonna focus on that yeah and I love how you have said you know putting money towards like being healthy now versus saving your money for when you get sick like that hit me hard when I heard you say that yeah yeah many people do that we don't write we don't which is again why I always bring up the fifth pillar and being a more concern about how you're taking care of your body now because I am not working to build this legacy right and get to the end of my life and spend all of my money on prescriptions I cannot pronounce I do not want to spend all of my money on things that I can't pronounce the doctors will barely explain it to you they're like take this seven like no I don't want to spend my life on that I would rather sacrifice now and get up early and go work out and you know I would rather make the best choices I can about what I put in my body now I would rather figure out how to get my butt to sleep even when my mind is racing some nights and I'm like I just want to work I want to work but I still forcing myself now there's seasons where you're launching something or there's something big going on and I have been on a 36-hour marathon what I've learned is that can't be a lifestyle and there are those seasons I've just chosen not to make it a lifestyle because I don't want to wake up thirty years from now and I can't do things that we can we should still technically be able to do in our 60s and when we were hundreds yeah yeah you said something earlier about like doing something now small so that when you get to like as you get wealthier or you get more successful working towards your goal whatever that may be the habit already exists talk to me about habits and how hard it is for people to let go of bad habits and what advice you give people to do that oh gosh you know I was reading a great book with my pod Club I read books with my people who listened to the podcast and we read atomic habits by James clear he articulates so many principles so well but one in particular was understanding that when you're building a habit it's not about it's not necessarily about the thing that you're doing as much as it is who you're becoming in the process so he talks about for example someone who says I don't smell very someone says I'm not smoking right now both these people are trying to quit smoking that is their goal and they're trying to break the habit of smoking but one person says I'm not smoking right now and one says I don't smoke I'm not a smoker do you see how that immediately shifts like okay so now you have an entirely different perspective on how you should show up or who you should be in that moment and I think that that's the thing sometimes we set goals or you know and then we have these habits that we want to form in order to reach the goals but we're so focused on that that we forget who we need to become in the journey so if you shift who you're becoming in that journey then it's not so hard because every day you're remind you're just reminding yourself I already am that person the days just need to catch up right the day's just needs to catch up to who I already am because I'm claiming it and I'm affirming it every day and so that's how I've looked at girls cuz I used to say I'm not a runner did you know that I used to I had this whole story going on in my head my whole life I'm not a runner night my friends would invite me to things I'm like girl I don't run I don't run and one day I woke up and I heard myself saying it to someone in a conversation and it just worked me and I was I remember I was driving and I was thinking to myself your legs work just fine you don't have bad knees there's nothing really wrong with you and then I'm like who told you you don't run where the heck did you make that up and I said I'm a runner girl the next day I started running and I built my way up now that first mile was a math minute to do a mile but now I can do three and a half miles or so in like 20 minutes and I shifted who I was saying I was or what I was saying I was capable of and so I think with any hab it you wanna form or break it's about shifting first of all what you say about yourself because most of it is a story that you made up anyway so all you have to do is change the story and not that it's easy but it's definitely doable yeah I love that the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves are everything and language matters like you said write the words we choose to use and I used to do that with things like I can't play the piano and now I stopped myself and I said I choose not to play the piano because I believe wholeheartedly and I forced myself to do it every time I go to say I catch myself and reframing and it's taught me to say Lisa if you wanted to play the piano you could if you wanted to be one of the best in the world and you're willing to put in the work I could so now I it's not that I can't I choose not to and let's talk about comparison actually I think when were in relationships and marriage even just friendship we do compare ourselves yeah so let's talk about comparing ourselves with being able to save money or how we spend money because I'm sure just in my own life my husband and I have really focused on talking about money very openly making sure that we have that communication but I am I'm sure there are many people that do butt heads because they comparing them oh yeah they're trying to make each other each other right I look I've worked with so many couples over the years I used to do this thing called the couples and money challenge literally just walking them through these 10 steps to have better communication about money and one of them was just one first of all getting to know yourself so how you grew up with money so getting to the root of what are those verbal influences what are things that you heard about money what are your beliefs about money what are some of the triggers for you and connections to different things like if you grew up hearing that money was the root of all evil you could be the most talented person in the world but you will find a way to just either give money away sometimes to your own detriment or to lose it people will find ways to self-sabotage and not even realize that deep down it's because they believe money is evil and that rich people are means scary folks who take advantage of the poor and all that and so they have this whole story that may have been passed on from generations and then you have you know the the spouse or the mate or whatever who has it's completely different mindset about it and they see it as you know freedom and choice and opportunity you know so I grew up not having much in South Central Los Angeles I never wanted for anything but you know it just wasn't like this luxury that you threw around either and so what was kind of my money love language was more yeah my money love language was like was safety and stability and wanting to see all the money stacked in the bank because now I know that I'm okay you know my husband's money love language was very much about gift-giving so when we first got together you know he can't give you just like a pair of shoes in one color if he thinks you're gonna like it he'll buy every color bag and so yeah it seems really it is really sweet but when I was like when we were first getting started at this I would go why did you buy three like that was I have one set of feet like I can't promise her she's like I would just say things like what are you doing why would you need to do that and so we would buy heads right because all he was trying to do was show love and affection and I just wanted the lights to stay on I wanted gas in my car regularly like I was never I wasn't into shopping and stuff so I had to learn to accept though that in his family how he grew up that's how he learned to show love and so first understanding ourselves and then taking the time to go and how did you grow up and once I made the connection and made it not a right or wrong it was like this is just this is how he grew up this is all he knows for him looking at me this is all she knows this is what she heard so that we could finally go now what's our money love language so now how do we create our plan and so now we have you know we have our own system and we vibe now right we can communicate it without attacking because it's not it's not about your wrong or I'm wrong neither one of us are wrong we're just different so did you put then rules I guess in place of how then you were going to handle your finances once you got married yeah we have shared goals so we have a shared vision board you know type of thing for the things that we want to achieve as a family and then and we even involve my daughter a lot and like our decision-making or at least letting her know be aware of why we make the choices that we make you know when we downsize out of that big house I did a whole episode on this we moved into this 2,000 square foot apartment down the street from our old house and people were going oh my god did they lose all their money again what happened well what's going on but we told our daughter upfront daddy starting this business we're investing in these two apartment buildings they're 20 units plus you know we're gonna buy a new home in the city that we're moving to so we told her in 12 months here are the things that we're doing and so daddy and I thought downsize stack the cash invested in these things and so we were like okay we don't care about what anybody else thinks here's what our plan is here's what we know we can do here's some of the other businesses we're investing in with friends and stuff and sometimes that's the season that you're in and just being okay with getting on the same page about that and so once we kind of identify goals then we look at what are the potential sacrifices if any will have to make so that we can stay on top of it and also being aware of what really matters to each of us because we have shared goals but then we're still individuals so he has this thing stuff that he wants to do I had things for my business I wanted to do and we just talked about it up front the biggest thing is talking about it and not beating each other up because you're different I love that and the point that you made this so strong that I really want to have my hand no one's right and no one's wrong no one that was so strong no one it just is yeah and if we just treated each other like it just is right like how much right like how much better could the communication be people say that folks divorced because of money no they divorced because of the communication about money or lack thereof yeah and we make it such a taboo topic and we have so many emotions attached to our finances because of how we may have grown up that we bring all of that to the table we have to understand that this person you know they were living a completely different life 20 30 40 years before you came in the picture this is not a personal attack on you this is just what they were doing and so now that you're here it's just time to talk about what you're gonna do together I think it's in that conversation where somebody says something like oh you think that then judgement comes and the walls come up and then you're you know butting heads because then you don't agree because then you feel judged now especially for our ladies you know in this book in particular I talked about you cannot force anyone to be better with money and what we like to do especially when we just learned something and we're feeling really smart we want to nag other people to death so now we're ready to change right and now we want to we were able to change when we felt like it right but now that we want them to change we're like right behind them what are you doing why are you doing it that way when are you going to come over to my side well no we're like we're so upset about things it's like dude yeah you can't nag anyone to be better the best you could do is be a good example my husband and I used to be a saver and so he had to learn and so Dennis you know as we've grown over this last decade now that we've been rebuilding everything he gets it he's like I'm so grateful like now he appreciates the differences now he's like I'm so grateful for my wife a favor because then you make a great team because you both bring your strengths to the table and he has taught me how to live my life right I am in a season right now where all I want to do is enjoy the journey because for so long I have set these goals and I've been head down focused like make it happen type of person that I forget to celebrate all of those little milestones along the way that really make up the journey because that's who that's what teaches you who you are and what you're made of and who you're becoming in this process and my husband enjoys life and so you I think you need that balance I think it's great so I don't make him wrong and when I am finding myself judge making him wrong I apologize hmm and I'm like you know what that was my stuff that wasn't on you I was I was getting scared going back into that scarcity place so that wasn't that wasn't you and he also can acknowledge you know what I was late I was way over here and we said we were gonna do this so I apologize and so it just it took several years so we've been married almost 12 years probably the first three years money talking and plus we were got married all at the same time is losing everything all of that happened at the same time exact same time so not only are you getting to like figure out each other's personality but now you don't have very much money to even fight about so now it's a big fight when it's less than money it's a bigger size you know but we we were both committed to figuring it out and doing it in a non-judgmental way yeah when you said that basically there's it's all about the emotion behind the money it's not about the money itself is so true before we started quest I was a stay at home wife for eight years and for me I remember asking my husband like if I would go out I'd like hey babe do you mind if I just like spend 20 bucks and especially because we were saving so it was like every penny and I got to the point where emotionally it didn't feel good I didn't like reaching out and asking him because we had decided as a couple I was gonna stay home and he was gonna go out to work so if we decided that as a couple then our finances in essence in my opinion are split as a couple so we ended up coming up with a system where I'm like okay 20 dollars a week you know back then we had we didn't have much at all so it was $20 a week or a month it's gonna be for me and $20 is for you and neither of us have to even tell each other what yeah we're gonna spend on yeah if I want to spend it all on comic books I'm gonna spending on comic books and that freedom allowed my emotion for me to feel better about myself which then allowed us to communicate that yes yes and that's what I suggest too I always say that his hers and ours right and so once you predetermine what that number is no questions asked no questions asked but if you spend all your money on Friday you're done I wouldn't actually talk about women and money yeah because for a long time I was very shy embarrassed coy about talking about wealth creation now I'm like wealth creation is amazing it's long it's like a powers I'm usually using it for good then bring on the money like we're very shy as women to say that money can be powerful that money can be awesome yeah talk to me about that what have you found is the hardest thing for women to handle and how how do you get them to shift their mindset well what I find in my work is one of the hardest things are for women to negotiate for themselves now you know we love to speak up for our girlfriends you know we'll be in the background like girl you deserve supposed to come to you right but then for ourselves a lot of times we will accept the first offer put on the table sometimes we are so quick to be or so excited to be invited to the table that we don't ask any questions and we're like okay well this sounds good this looks good and a man let's keep it real who is mediocre at best is super excited to go and negotiate you know two and three times but you'll have a woman who can check off every box every qualification she's done everything under the Sun she'll get a lowball offer and to not make waves or not be considered a bitch or not be considered all of this stuff she won't negotiate I have women in my community do what I call a brag binder okay tell me more and the brag binder is about pulling out every thank-you card you've ever received every letter of recommendation every positive email you print it down every assessment so pull all of that stuff out pull it all down read it and remind yourself of who you are before you go back to that negotiation table or before you reply to that email and not just in a corporate setting but even as entrepreneurs I see so many women you know I coach women through this right they'll say what their prices and then before the person could like open their mouth they're like but I could do more and more and more or I could bring it down or I could do two for one or I could and they'd start negotiating themselves down like you do more work for less money because they forget who they are and I've been guilty of it I forgot who I was I remember when I would get calls to go to all these shows and do stuff I would be so pumped up oh my gosh and then they would start asking for all this unreasonable stuff and I'm like okay well now let's get and like wait a minute one day my husband told me babe they're not calling you because there's nobody else out there they're calling you because you're good you're damn good like you're the bomb at what you do so you don't have to settle for terms that don't satisfy you hmm you can push back if you only travel first class because we only travel first class then you tell them I only travel first class if you don't you know do things a certain way that you don't have to settle for that they there's plenty of people out there they want you for who you are for what experience you bring for the level of talent you bring for the level of energy you bring they want you for you and this is what that comes with so why do you keep dumbing it down accepting the first thing that folks throw at you being excited to be invited just because you got the invitation and not going for more not going for what you're worth and especially as women I think in this day and age we kind of go on from one thing to the next we achieve one thing we go and we do the next thing and we keep going which is why I said I'm in a season where I want to enjoy the journey because if you just keep you know going from thing to things sometimes you forget just how much you've already accomplished and because you haven't hit that ultimate goal yet you still see yourself differently than other people see you and this is still again one of those things that I and wrapping my mind around I want before I get on a big call like about some type of deal is just to go back through and not so much about the boxes that have been checked off in terms of qualifications I go back and look at the impact yeah I go back and go I read these deals I read the thank-you notes from people I read the stuff from people saying you know because of you I got out of debt because of you I can't believe I'm just yesterday I met a young woman 28 years old single mom of two bought her first home after reading my book and doing everything for a year she's like nobody in my family has ever owned a home and I thank you right and so when I look at the impact for me is the people and if I have been able to do anything that has helped people change their lives then I will not allow some big company to come and offer me peanuts to be a talking head or something it's like no I'm good I could stay at home and keep doing what I'm doing that's what I was gonna ask you in those moments because that's the fear right it's that if I push back and I I'm perceived as being unreasonable or bitchy and through things then you said what if they turn around and close the door on my face so right he's out of fear like I don't have a great example please I have a great example so when I before I became a regular on The Steve Harvey Show the first iteration of it when I was in Chicago the first time they invited me there was a sponsor attached to it and they were going to pay me $15,000 to be on for four or five minutes Wow not a bad game not a table and I'm like yeah okay you know I have been doing radio but I hadn't done his television show yet and I'm like wow we've been looking for a way to get me on this is perfect they sent me the script and there were things in there that I did not agree with and I value my voice so much because I know that people trust it that I was like that is not advice I would give my friend or my daughter and so I cannot go on national television and say that to millions of people so I replied and said I would love to do this but I can't say that in that in their life well no you know the you know the fosters needs you it has to be delivered by you online Ken Steve say it they're like no they need it to be delivered by the expert I'm like I can't do it and they said we've been trying to get you on for months like this is this is the end I'm like no I appreciate it I'm so humbled I'm grateful but I really value that when I say will will really land and matter to people and I can't say that and I turned it down and people are like oh my god you're crazy what is wrong with you bubble I'm like what's for me is for me what's for me is for me if I'm supposed to do you know the show I'll do it I don't know two months later same sponsor comes back a different type of opportunity but I'm fully in alignment with the script and I went to Chicago I filmed and that was the first of I don't know two dozen oh that's amazing I love that story Samuel yes that's chase purpose not money but we never we and people think that you're talking about purpose because you already have money no even before then my then I was doing well but you know even before then there were so many opportunities where I could have done things and I'm like not for the money will I compromise I just can't and I feel that because I've taken such a strong stance on that again people you think that people are gonna be like oh my god she's a bitch actually people have been like oh my god I respect you because they know that you're somebody who's gonna be authentic and they can ask you because you've really shown everybody that you're willing to turn down the money that the amount of money is going to make you say something you truly don't believe in yes I said this clip will live on for years this is this clip will be out there forever why would I take 15,000 now and compromise any number of things that could come in the future I will not now if I make a decision that say something that maybe the you know public doesn't agree with and I can own that quiet I can own it yeah that's fine but I'm not gonna do it because someone offered me ten thousand fifteen thousand hundred and fifty two I'm not gonna I'm not gonna do that like I have to feel good I like to sleep at night I want to know that I made choices rooted in faith not fear and so the fear of oh they won't invite me again there's other shows the fear of well they'll think I'm a bad person I know I'm like a person you know the fear of what people can make up III do this exercise I'm writing about in my new book now and it's what-if which are the things that we fear so it's the what-if so anytime I'm up against a scenario where I'm feeling anxious or like you know you get those feelings right I try to stop going my journal and write out what if so what are all these things that I have going on and then on the other side of the sheet I write what is this is the truth this is the reality of what's going on if they don't invite me the truth is there are other shows right if they don't like me the truth is other people do like it and for every if that you have there's always and is that is the truth of this of what's going on and when I look at the what is then I get to tell myself a new story hmm we all make up a story anyway why not choose one that empowers you instead of one that keeps you crippled in fear yeah mic drop girl that was amazing where can people find all your amazing content your book and you and everything you're doing so patrice washington comm is all things for theresa washington everything the podcast is there videos speaking dates all that good stuff and then i'm really active on instagram that's my favorite place to play i have a presence in most social media but instagram i'm at seek wisdom pcw amazing and now for my last question what do you consider your superpower I think my superpower is no I don't think I know mmm is resilience resilience in order to keep in alignment with your identity and and be able to go through these different things that life may throw at you I believe that my ability to just keep getting back up and getting back up and getting back up you know if I get knocked down ten times I will be up 11 like I'm just gonna keep getting back up and I truly believe that everything that has happened in my life did not happen to me but it happened for me and because I believe that I just continued to walk in the spirit of resilience that no matter what it is Lisa I got to get back up because I have people to serve and I have a mission and a purpose to fulfill it's amazing guys guys you got to go out by this book by her series check out everything she's doing I happen to have stumbled upon this woman we were on a panel together purely by accident and I saw her speak and I was like I need this woman on the show and she has not failed to deliver today guys so please please go check her out and if you're not subscribed do click that subscribe button and if you're not following me follow me at Lisa Billy and it's all next time guys go be the hero of your own life peace out [Music] what up guys Lisa here thanks so much for watching this episode and if you haven't already subscribed that little bone right in front of you click click click away we release episodes every Wednesday so be sure to get notified until next time go be the hero of your own life

Channel: Women of Impact

Views: 473,496

Rating: 4.9552836 out of 5

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration, patrice washington, redefining wealth, debt, debt free, money maven, money mindset, mindset, money, seek wisdom, find wealth, master money, real money answers, how to save money, finance, growth mindset, female empowerment, feminism, feminist, female entrepreneur, 7 figure business

Id: fX3h4Zc9e-Y

Length: 54min 45sec (3285 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 10 2019