How To Interact With An Emotionally Immature Partner | Emotional Immaturity In A Relationship

you're married to or together with a person you've noticed seems to be somewhat emotionally mature and you want things to change or figure out how to interact with them stay tuned because that's what this video is all [Music] about hi there welcome here I'm Mike I'm a psychologist and the video on this channel that has been second most interesting to all of you at least based on the views is the one about handling relationships with emotionally immature people the strategy I share in that video apply mainly to relationships with parents family extended family friends and colleagues but not really to spouses and partners so in this video I want to address that to think of behavior as emotionally immature is a very broad term that's not a clinical diagnosis but a term that can be used to describe any behavior that is difficult in the realm of emotions relationship ship and mental health it's not a term that's meant to label someone's character or identity it's about emotion skills which we can all learn to get better at we all start out emotionally immature as kids and learn more as we go and for many different reasons some people stop maturing at an earlier place in emotional development than others it's important to me to point out that this is not a judgmental or hateful term this is about problems with emotion skills someone can have more emotion skills in one area and less in another they can be more or less open to reflecting about and willing to work on these skills the point is this is not a term that's about being judgmental or jumping to conclusions prematurely now what can you do if you notice emotionally immature behavior in your partner I'm going to assume that you either want to stay together and work things out or that you're in a phase of figuring out if you have a future together here my suggestions number one focus on your agency when something is off in a romantic relationship we often hyperfocus on our partner and their flaws and lacking skills we want our partner to act differently and we look for ways to get them to do that we try to push them into what we want and this doesn't work or barely what happens by applying pressure like this is that it creates a wall between you and your partner that you keep pushing against from one side and they keep pushing back at from the other side what's more helpful is to focus on your own agency so instead of emphasizing that your partner needs to change the way they approach and respond to you change the way you approach and respond to your partner if you start changing it changes the dynamic you have as a couple for example instead of demanding that your partner stop shouting and then shouting back at them whenever they do instead of shouting back at them say can we please discuss this in a calm and gentle Way by focus on your own agency I'm not saying that it's all on you and that it's all your responsibility to make the relationship work it takes two to make a relationship work and you deserve someone that treats you well and responds to your needs it's not all your job to do all of the emotional work and you can use your own agent to rearrange any imbalance in this area in Conflict we often focus on what the other person is or isn't doing and that makes us feel help and Hopeless by focusing on your own sphere of agency and influence it empowers you to start moving into the direction that you want to go into taking small steps into the direction of the kind of change you need in order to be able to stay in this relationship also gives you a better sense for how much hope there is that it can work out eventually number two say what you're willing to do a first important place to start utilizing your own agency more is by taking ownership over the things that are yours to decide think of something you and your partner often disagree on where they expect you to go along with their preferences ask yourself how far you're willing to go to accommodate their wishes and at which point you're not comfortable anymore listen in to the emotional and physical responses of your body they will give you answers to figure this out then let your partner know for example I'm not comfortable with your family member moving in with us but I'm willing to support you and them and finding a new flat or I'd be happy to join you for a bike ride in the morning but I don't really feel like biking the whole weekend or this is a really important topic and I want to discuss this with you at the same time it's late we're both tired let's discuss this tomorrow morning or I can see that you're really irrit ated and I'm so sorry that you had to go through this at the same time I don't agree that this was my responsibility number three take initiative make suggestions another way you can change the relationship Dynamic with an emotionally immature partner is by making more suggestions and taking the initiative again this doesn't mean that it's all on you but often people feel dominated by emotionally immature behavior and they can change this by stepping out of a pattern of being overly submissive and passive let your partner know what you want what you would like to do what your goals are what you hope for and dream of don't hint at it express it clearly make it super easy for your partner to know what you need give yourself permission to have needs and express them be open about what you want number four address emotions your partner probably won't initiate conversations about inner things or emotions but that doesn't mean that they're not interested or unable to have these kinds of conversations they may just not know how to have inner topic conversations or not be aware of their importance so when you talk make it a point to share your feelings and ask your partner about theirs how did that make you feel what was important to you in that situation what did you hope for you can also experiment with picking up on your partner's emotional Vibe and then putting that into words this is called verbalizing this needs to be done with a lot of kindness in your tone of voice otherwise it'll come across or may come across as you accusing them or calling them out it can sound like how are you honey you seem really exhausted or is there something that's irritating you did something upset you also let your partner know about your feelings I experimented with this or that change today and it felt great or when you said I shouldn't be so sensitive I felt hurt sad angry and got the impression that you misunderstood me whenever you have these kinds of conversations about emotions let your partner know about the positive effect you see this is having on your relationship when we talk like this I feel so much closer to you thanks for listening it means a lot I love all of you also the parts that you think are defective or weak I love it when you allow me to see you when we talk like this I get the sense that we'll be able to get through anything number five create a safe space often what lies behind emotional immaturity is fear of not being enough and fear of emotions if you make sure that your partner feels safe to express themselves they'll have the safe space they need to be more open and present emotionally you can create a safe Space by responding to them with empathy understanding appreciation kindness and compassion what destroys emotional safety is Judgment unconstructive criticism blame defensiveness and minimizing their problems having said all of that I hope there was something in this collection of thoughts that was a helpful New Perspective or idea for you let me know what you think in the comments I love hearing from all of you consider subscribing if you haven't and check out my email newsletter till next time take care and remember you can change your dynamic as a couple by changing the way you approach and respond to your partner that may not be enough at the same time you won't know unless you've [Music] tried

Channel: Dr. Maika Steinborn

Views: 1,792

Keywords: becoming an expert at self leadership, maika steinborn, emotionally immature partner, emotionally immature, emotional maturity, emotional immaturity, emotional immaturity in a relationship, how to deal with emotional immaturity in a relationship, emotional immaturity in marriage, how to deal with emotional immaturity, emotionally immature spouse, emotionally immature wife, emotionally immature husband, how to fix emotional immaturity, how to overcome emotional immaturity

Id: pmz-cIERGN4

Length: 10min 22sec (622 seconds)

Published: Fri May 10 2024