How To Improve Self Esteem｜Marisa Peer Motivational Video

I've been a therapist for many many years and I noticed very early on in my therapy that every client that came in for whatever issue behind the issue is the issue of confidence so when I worked with all to lose weight which was my speciality a lot of my clients would go yeah I did really well until I went out for pizza with my friends and I just couldn't ask for different food I couldn't go so her and say can I have the fish without the sauce I'm gonna have the salad without the dressing then I had worked with people who had alcohol problems and they'd say you know I'm fine until I go to the pub but I don't know how to say in front of people I'm not drinking I went with many children who come in who are bullied and several who are bullies and behind that was the same issue of I need people to like me and we're never taught in school that the word esteem actually means how much I like myself so when I'm talking about confidence and self-esteem when we say I hold that person and the highest esteem we mean I like him I value him and we buy all these books and products on self-esteem without even understanding what self-esteem means self-esteem means how much you like yourself how much you value yourself you know what until you really like yourself nothing else matters often my neighbours because I work so much at home an hour ago I saw this movie star coming to your door because they were sent up in a limo with a bodyguard or I saw this famous model leaving your house and why they are seeing you they're perfect but people who have everything often don't have the one thing they really need high self esteem it's why so many people who make it and who we look at an envy like Robert Downey jr. or Philip Seymour Hoffman or Heath Ledger end up taking a lot of drugs and destroying themselves because they try so hard to make the world like them when they succeed but you have to like yourself so if you're lacking confidence in any area of your life that may be in your career that you you can't sell or you can't fit you hunt speak or you're not very good at going for an interview it may be that you can't go for promotion or in your job you're not able to speak up and share your ideas it may be in your professional life that you're not attracting the kind of person you like to share your life with because you don't feel good in it maybe even in your area of your health you don't go to the gym because you don't feel you're good enough to go to the gym you don't ask for particular foods because you haven't got the confidence ago I don't eat pizza or fries so whatever it is in your life that you want when you work on your confidence everything starts to fall into place so I have some patients who are very confident at work but terrible in relationships because they can put on an act and work but they don't feel loveable of other people who have a nice relationship but a terrible career because they can't get promoted I have other clients who seem to be quite arrogant but they're really convincing everyone else at they're worth it because they don't actually believe in it so the most important thing to do is to work on your confidence and the way you build your confidence is by liking yourself so I want you to imagine right now if you really really liked yourself how different would your life be just close your eyes and imagine if you liked you if you got on thought you were great how different would your life be and when I had a young child and was a parent of a young child I would encourage my child every day to go I like myself I like myself I'd focus on things she was good at I never told her she was good at everything but I wanted her to feel that she liked herself when she came in with a summer dress and a pair of winter boots me what do I look like Oh what do you think you look like because even at an early age I was trying to teach her that what you think about you matters more than what other people think about you and here's what we often do we try so hard to make people like us we have something on our head that goes please like me and that behavior doesn't make people like you it makes them take you for granted it makes them bully you and we often send children out into the world trying so hard to make people like them because they believe if everyone else likes me I'm okay I see that with young women and young man just new to the dating scene trying so hard to please the person they're dating and actually it doesn't work what works is going through life with a sight in your head that says I really like me and if you like me too that's great but if you don't I can live with that too because I like me every baby on the world is one loaded with self-esteem no baby when they're being pushed down the street in their stroller goes oh don't look at me of having a bad hair day or I've just been sick on my little romper suit or I've got really fat legs baby's first exponents on the planet is being looked at when you were born the doctor the nurse the Midwife look at you family come to visit you you get your picture taken people show you orphan babies don't avert their eyes when you take their picture when Iced to push my little girl down the street look in her pram go my god she's so gorgeous she never looked away she kicked a little legs she gave a big gummy smile because she knew that she was gorgeous too and if you ever doubt that children like attention go to a park go to suing for new hair every toking mummy mummy look at me on the swing daddy watch me on the slide mummy mummy watch me jump in the water watch me swim and watch me jump because children have this belief that I'm worthy of attention and I like here and I can ask for it and I'll get it then you have to ask well where does that go well it goes very fast you know if I said to my little girl look - singing mummy a song she would sing if I said to a14 sing me a song she'd roll her eyes and got my god you're so embarrassing and walk out of the room because at a very early we require fear of being judges what is called performance anxiety what if I sing in someone laughs I mean what if I read in class and I get it wrong what if I stand up to speak and I don't know what to say and performance anxiety gonna be so intense it makes us stop performing but people who perform really well like themselves well I'll see what happens and I'll sing our dance I'll act I mean some people can't even dance at a party in case everyone is looking at them and judging them badly some of my clients won't even go to yoga in case they can't hold the poses like everyone else and believe me we're all so busy worrying about those we don't have time to look at you and comment on your yoga position or how you're dancing at a party and we kind of like people who don't care who just let go and have a good time so the thing you need to have phenomenal confidence really are two things stop judging yourself and be nice to yourself you see the only person in the world who is judging you as you no one else is going to look at you and look at what you're doing and that's wrong and if there is anyone in your life doing that if anyone in your life is judging you they are unhappy because critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves they express outwards their own dissatisfaction happy people go I love seeing someone fat at the Cerebral having a great time I love the fact that this they're happy and uninhibited happy people go I love hearing children dancing and laughing and making a noise because they're happy so critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves they express outwardly their own dissatisfaction unhappy people criticize happy people praise so here's some things are going to start doing today right now that will build your self-esteem super fast the number one thing is to praise yourself there is nothing nothing nothing that will build your self-esteem like praise but your praise if you have a Shoppers that oh you look really great in the outfit yeah it suits you you must buy it they have an agenda if your boss says you're amazing at your job but I need to give you work to do over the weekend they have an agenda someone dating you might have an agenda and your mind knows that when you say I'm great at my job I'm smart I'm kind I'm nice people like me there is no agenda unfortunately when you go I'm rubbish at my job I'm boring I always mess up and I have no friends your mind lets that into because your mind doesn't really care if what you say is right or wrong good or bad how they're on housing let me prove that to you I want you to put your hand in front of your face like that I want you to close your eyes I want you to imagine you have a big fat juicy lemon and I want you to breathe in that wonderful lemon smell and just squeeze it a bit and feel that wonderful lemon texture because nothing quite smells like a lemon so still really believing you have half a lemon in your hand open your mouth shove that lemon in there cram that half a lemon into your mouth and start chewing and sucking and biting and swallowing the flesh keep sucking all that lemon flesh into your mouth bite it chew it suck out the juice and you will notice what is happening is your body is responding to a thought as if it's a fact your body is responding to the image and thought of eating a lemon as if you are actually eating a lemon and it's making a saliva because thoughts are things and every thought you have has a physical reaction in your body and an emotional response to when you think I don't have friends I can't talk to people I can't take things back to a store I can't ask for special treatment I don't know how to talk to people then your mind accepts that as a fact just like the lemon but when you say oh I can talk to anyone I'm an interesting person warm and friendly people like me and I can make eye contact I'm good at my job I can ask someone out on a date I can tell the person I'm involved with what I need your mind accepts that too and someone recently said they keep a lemon on their desk now and look at it every day I'm sure they change it every month because that lemon reminds them every day that they are responsible for what they think and feeling you know responsibilities that word means an ability to respond so I want you to start to praise yourself I want you to wake up in the morning the first thing you go as I like myself you know if I go through the day in the life of many of my patients they get out of bed and go I look terrible oh this doesn't suit me I've gained weight I should have had my hair cut it should have got this outfit pressed and they come downstairs and go I forgot to get milk I'm an idiot I forgot to charge my phone I'm a loser they drive to work or commute saying I forgot to prepare for that meeting because I'm stupid and if you had a friend sharing your life with you and you spoke to them like that one when you woke up went through the day going you've ruined their you haven't got enough time for that everyone time to get there you blown that they would leave your life very quickly so I want you to be a really good friend yourself and just praise yourself you know we all want to hear the same thing as I can tell you what they are right now no one wants to hear I'm an amazing dentist I'm the best CEO in the world they want to hear I'm a good person people like me I'm smart I'm kind I'm interesting I'm intelligent I'm funny I've got a good personality I matter my opinions matter and if you start to tell yourself the things I matter people like me because I like them but really because I like myself that alone will make yourself esteem go up so I want you to start right now every day when you're in the shower there's nothing much to do in the shower except go I love the smell of this conditioner I don't like the smell of this body wash so in the shower it's a great way to start your day I like myself I matter I'm smart I'm good at my job here's something very useful to say I have phenomenal coping skills I cope with stuff I've got great coping skills you see we all have a brilliant brain you have a brilliant brain when you have a brilliant brain you have one choice rationalize why you feel so bad or talk yourself out of it so you can get in the shower and go I'm gonna have a terrible day at work today that client is a nightmare my boss is gonna be really upset or everything's gonna go wrong or you can talk yourself out of it my boss likes me that's why they employed me I've got great coping skills I have some talents I'm really good at and I'm gonna make today work and just doing that will change everything because the words you use form your reality and when you change your words you change your reality so the first thing to remember is nothing will boost your self esteem like phrase second thing to remember is the way you feel about anything is down to just two things the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself and the pictures you use and the words you use form your reality and when you change your pictures and you change your words you change your reality because your brain is always looking for how you feel because of the pictures you use and the words you use so if you're writing a blog let's saying go oh this blog is awful no one's going to read it I can't write what I have to say is really boring then you will start to believe that if you write a blog going well this is interesting and I really like what I've got zoom sure someone someone's gonna love what I'm saying you'll start to feel very different you see there is nothing but the pictures and the words so let's imagine you could hold a butterfly this is very pretty but you probably wouldn't hold them off you might put a caterpillar on your arm but not a worm you might hold little lady bird or a ladybug but it's unlikely you'd hold a cockroach because they make different pictures but you can change the pictures at any time at all and you can change the words if your words are I'm I'm terrified of speaking in public it's a nightmare going for an interim having a heart attack just thinking about asking my boss for a raise I'm freaking out about asking that night nice person they want to come on a date with me you are responding to those words terrified heart attack nightmare freaking out when you change the words to I can speak in public I'm gonna practice and I get better and better I make eye contact I'm really good my boss likes me I can go in and explain explain why I need a raise in a really logical way and it's going to work and I can ask that person on a date because I'm an interesting person you see the words you use change the pictures one of although I'm not visual I can't visualize it you know that doesn't matter the words are more important in the pictures because words make pictures so keep changing your words don't say I'm terrified about gave an appraisal at work because their praise won't work isn't terrifying unless you use the words it's terrifying save the challenge is an opportunity a situation you see when you use very intense words this is a nightmare this client is killing me I'm dying under the pressure here you get a very intense reaction and when you use different words you have a different reaction and if you look at really confident people they're not so different from you and I they do a few things differently number one is they like themselves you can criticize and belittle they won't lady and they go well you can have an opinion that I'm boring or not interesting but I don't let that in because I don't believe you the second thing is they dialogue with themselves in a really good way they're very good at letting in praise and they praise themselves they're very good at know laughing in criticism and they don't criticize themselves if I said you're a confident person I love that speech you go thank you so much I loved giving it I said that to an uncommon hours ago I was terrible did you notice that I I started on that word and actually I forgot the best bit if I said to a confident person I really liked your brother go thank you so much next week's is even better you want to read that on condors ago I don't really know why I'm doing and my friends blog is so much better if I said to a competent person I love your jacket ago I've had it for two years and needs cleaning that's what a negative is they comfortable oh yes my favorite jacket - I love this jacket it's my favorite so when someone praises you it's like someone giving you a gift you must let it in and if you really want to grow in confidence when someone gives you a compliment say thank you but then start adding to it yeah I loved writing that but I love my job I love selling yeah I particularly like these shoes they're my favorite so when you get praised don't reject it that's like giving someone a gift back accept it and add to it and praise yourself every day think about something great about yourself so to grow in confidence praise yourself a lot you have to go over the top just keep saying the things I matter I'm a good person I'm smart people like because I'm warm and friendly and interesting because I like them back let praise in dialogue with yourself in a very particular way you know I worked with someone who was going to therapy every week she had a lot of issues and in the therapy room they were all asked to say something that made them happy and they say something like I saw a butterfly today was very pretty or I walk to work through the park and the daffodils were out it made me happy when I got to her she said I have phenomenal coping skills because every time she said that word she was coping better and better in that hospital but outpatients water with mental health issues said that that Ward had the fastest discharge rate because all the other patients ought to go I have phenomenal coping skills too and I have great coping skills and then the nurses put posters up around the room because they began to see to the one people say I saw a lovely butterfly that's very nice but when you say I have incredible or phenomenal coping skills the picture you see is you having phenomenal coping skills the words you see that and then it begins to become Yuri okay so when you're later go my god I'm lay I've blown it where you go - Amon coping skills I can be five minutes late it really won't make any difference when you're a deadline you can go my god I'm never gonna get this or finish or you can say I have great coping skills I can do this so talk to yourself differently let in praise praise yourself and like yourself that's all you need to do to massively grow in confidence and self-esteem change your words change your language change your pictures let in praise and every day praise yourself and add into that I really like myself listen to the recording and it will change everything it will change the way you eat because when you like yourself you don't eat junk food just because it's the only thing there you go out and get something better when you like yourself you're not pushed into doing the things you don't want to do to go along with a crowd because you're able to go now I don't drink or I'm not drinking tonight because I've got this situation that worked where I need to be wide awake people can't manipulate you or do things that don't appeal to you because you have the concert to go that that's not working for me and you even argue better with confidence and you can say I know you want to do that but it doesn't feel comfortable to me that's not what I want to do in a very nice way when you have confidence you argue in a completely different way to be bossy or loud you just say that doesn't feel right for me I'm going to pass I promise you these things will change your life so take the recording I'm giving to you on confidence and self-esteem don't be surprised to notice that you can change in a matter of days and those changes will last for the rest of your life and I welcome you and invite you to growing confidence every day it's incredibly easy because you were born loaded with confidence all I'm doing is reactivating Ramana fasting and regenerating that phenomenal confidence you were born with and it's your birthright get it back use it every day it makes your life so much better I should know I had no confidence I had very low self-esteem I was completely self-conscious and shy I felt massively inadequate and even in my early twenties I was still self-conscious I had low self-esteem I had really low confidence I couldn't even make eye contact my talk to people in fact I couldn't really talk to people and now I talked they're all over the world I address crowds of two and a half thousand people and more and actually have loads of confidence and I have really high self esteem I'm the same person I just learnt to believe in my South because when you believe in yourself other people do when you don't other people don't so wherever you are now I promise you I've been there so come on board change your life thank you for listening [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Motivated

Views: 1,101,793

Rating: 4.911622 out of 5

Keywords: improve your self esteem, imporve self esteem, increase self esteem, increase your self esteem, build self esteem, build your self esteem, marisa peer, marisa peer motivation, improve self esteem and confidence, improve confidence and self esteem, improve your confidence, increase confidence, boost confidence, build confidence, raise confidence, self esteem, marisa peer self esteem, marisa peer self confidence, marisa peer self love, marisa peer motivational video

Id: 2i0E12PbGCg

Length: 23min 27sec (1407 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 12 2018