The Formula For Extreme Confidence

it's not your fault that you care what other people think it's a natural instinct almost everyone has and it feels Justified because if you truly don't care at all what people think you risk becoming a social outcast would you please still be my friend no get away from me okay the problem is if you care too much about what other people think it will lead you to an anxious mediocre life the average person is obese likely to be divorced and has less than 1K in the bank it feels safe to do what everyone else is doing but it's actually a terrible decision there's also an internal cost when you live for other people's approval you lose touch with your own natural confidence energy and joy for life now this video is not about becoming a narcissist and not caring at all about other people so let's let Tony Robbins reframe our goal I don't know they ever stop caring completely people say they don't care I think what they really mean is I don't let it stop me the number one regret of people who are dying is I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself not the life others expected of me so let's spend the rest of this video going through how you can do just that one way to stop caring what other people think is to find your fire you cannot care about everything at a 10 out of 10 so if you want to stop caring what people think find something you care about more your obsession outweighs the insecurity of being an outsider exactly the first thing to realize if you have people in your life telling you not to pursue your dreams is that you are not alone your father did he live long enough to enjoy your success yeah he kind of you know he he really was disappointed by the by me moving to Los Angeles he he really wanted me to go to university you were bullied for skateboarding like that didn't exist absolutely Yeah by whom like I imagine by anyone in my age people at the age of 15 just can't comprehend having drive and wanting to work so you're just like this little Outcast you're like ostracized from society and you're weirdo loser every step of the way if you have family or friends telling you not to live life the way you want to here's an exercise you may find helpful visualize your ideal day when do you wake up where do you wake up what happens during your day create a Clear Vision of your ideal life it's easy to deal with people judging your actions today if you know those actions are moving you closer to a future you're excited about and always remember someone's negative judgment might just be crabs in a bucket syndrome you put a bunch of crabs in a barrel every crab that tries to climb out of the barrel there's another crab that's going to grab that crab and pull him back in eventually no crabs can get out the barrel because they're all pulling each other back down the second trick to stop worrying about what everyone thinks about you is to create an inner circle only care about the opinions of a select few chosen people you love and trust this is how people like Bill bur feel confident saying things they know some people won't like if people bring it up I just say you know not everybody's going to like me yeah I I I don't know what to tell you I don't need everybody like I just need enough people I still have that need to be liked so now I'm like going up to my wife like you know I haven't yelled in a while have you noticed yeah am I a swell guy do you like me so I still have that crushing need to be liked this strategy sounds good especially if you have a tight group of people you respect but this Inner Circle strategy can trap you into that group's expectations and limit the ways you'll allow yourself to grow it's a great first step but not the end goal the next level is to only give this power to yourself and to do that you need to decide your core values and commit to caring about them more than the opinions of other people this can include things like growth contribution fun Freedom or honesty this next clip is an example of what it looks like to commit to honesty instead of trying to look perfect well scar you everything everything not being in control not knowing uh anticipation like waiting for something to go wrong I'm an addict to an alcoholic so I have my ups and downs the ironic thing is because it's so rare to meet someone who isn't trying to fit in or impress you when you do commit to your core values it often makes people like you just look at the reaction Andrew stino's honesty gets in this next clip for context Schultz is asking him what he thinks of Mr BEAST's cookies what do you think that look great yeah they're great my teeth fall out St on my my boy feable bro you all don't don't say some dumb like that those cookies are trash as one quick note you don't have to be that harsh to commit to honesty as a personal value if you like this idea of having core values it helps to sit down and actually write what yours are then read them several times every day like a mantra I value growth honesty kindness and fun more than fitting in remember other people will come and go from your life the only person you have to live with every day is yourself so those are three things you can care about more than the opinions of other people your future Vision Your Inner Circle and your core values now let's talk about some strategies to Simply care less about what other people think without needing to replace it with something else one way to worry less about the Judgment of others is to leave the validation Casino I decided to delete my Instagram because I just felt like I was so addicted to this kind of false version of my life that it was just taking over I would be on set working I'd come and sit in my chair and just scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll and it was it was becoming a problem I was just obsessed with it and I was obsessed to find out what people were saying and how people what they thought about me every time you try to get external validation you train your brain to care what other people think contrast that with sod gr's advice on how to overcome the fear of being judged and notice if anything surprising stands out to you anybody can say what they want anybody can do what they want this like this only because I have not given this privilege to anybody that somebody can make me happy somebody can make me unhappy somebody can make me miserable right now you are a consequence of other people's opinions he doesn't let other people make him feel unhappy or happy that's something most people don't realize if you rely on other people to feel good about yourself you give them the power to make you feel bad about yourself in making this video I couldn't help but think of Andrew Tate one of the most disliked people on the planet I was curious how he remains unaffected by the millions of of people who hate him online his mindset is surprisingly similar to sad Guru cuz when you can emotionally affect somebody you control them they can't emotionally affect me they can't make me happy with a video they can't make me sad with a a video now again the goal is not to completely stop caring about other people you don't want to only care about yourself and end up hurting other people or treating them badly the goal is simply to feel free enough to live the life you want and pursue your dreams while still being a kind empathetic person after you leave the validation Casino you'll realize something here's the truth for most people most of the time I feel bad for you I don't think about you at all obsessing over someone else's opinion of you feels silly when you realize that most of the time they're just thinking about themselves and even if they are thinking negative thoughts about you if you zoom out you'll realize their opinions don't matter anyway a friendly reminder that in three generations everyone who knew us will be dead including the people whose opinions stopped you from doing what you wanted all along this is not meant to depress you but to inspire you to live the life you want to live there's a specific question I set as a phone reminder that's helpful for remembering this what will matter when I'm 90 seeing this pop up on your phone every day will help you realize what truly matters to you the last way to stop caring what people think is self-acceptance a big reason you're scared that other people are thinking negative thoughts about you is because you're afraid there's some truth to what they're thinking like someone can say something ridiculous about you and if you know it's ridiculous it doesn't mean anything but if it's got a hint of truth you're like ooh often the reason you care so much about what other people think is because there are things about yourself you're ashamed of so for example you worry they'll think you're weird because you think you're weird and the Cure is to accept that you are weird if you aren't ashamed of something you won't care if people tease you about it for example watch how munas reacts to being teased for playing World of Warcraft but now with expansion pack they're going to have raids that only require like 10 people oh good so it make things a lot easier they're going to streamline this is that change Obama's been talking about oh it's such a good game I love it other people cannot make you feel shamed they can only trigger you to make yourself feel shame that shame comes from a misguided sense that you're supposed to be perfect you aren't perfect no one is there's no embarrassment in struggle if you accept yourself fully no one can ever make you feel bad about yourself so now the question is how can you accept yourself in those moments when you don't feel okay with your weirdness or your imperfections you use the best friend trick ask yourself what advice would you give to your best friend in this situation because you likely have more grace and empathy for them than you do for for yourself now some people are afraid of self-acceptance because they think it'll steal their motivation to improve how can you be self-accepting without becoming complacent because I spent most of my life hating myself at best tolerating myself for moments but there was a lot of self-loathing driving performance and I for a long time viewed any type of self-acceptance as complacency ironically this is the opposite of true self-acceptance is extremely important if your goal is to grow and change because you cannot get where you want to go until you admit where you are I don't think you can truly change for the better in a lasting meaningful way unless it is driven by self-acceptance I agree with that the people who we see struggle the most with improving their Charisma are the ones who refuse to admit to themselves that they aren't already charismatic their friends don't respect them their dating lives are bad they aren't getting the jobs they want but they always blame it on something external they can't grow because they can't admit to themselves that they need to grow so if you want to grow and improve yourself start by accepting where you are acceptance does not mean I love where I am and I want to stay here forever it means it's okay that this is where you are today from that place there's no limit to how much you can improve if you specifically want to improve your charisma and confidence you might like our video program Charisma University past members have written us that after going through CU they've seen social outcomes like more friends and a better dating life and career advancements like raises promotions and new job offers even more importantly you'll have more self-confidence and higher self-esteem if you want to learn more click the link on screen or in the description below either way I hope today's video has helped give you the courage to stop caring so much what other people think and to more fully embrace your weird Perfectly Imperfect true self

Channel: Charisma on Command

Views: 529,221

Keywords: charisma on command, charismaoncommand, coc, charlie houpert, charisma, fear of judgement, how to stop caring, how to be confident, stop caring what people think, how to not care what others think, tom hardy, joe rogan, andrew tate, charisma on command andrew tate, charisma on command joe rogan, Chris Williamson, Ryan Reynolds, Andrew Santino, Tom Holland

Id: PEgL1MMoPOA

Length: 10min 17sec (617 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 06 2023