How To Get People To Open Up

improvement pill here welcome to the beefriend course so just a couple of months ago I met up with an acquaintance of mine that I had met online and even though this was the first time we ever spoke to each other in person we ended up talking about relationships he told me about his dating life and his relationship with his fiancee and within just 10 minutes he had already disclosed to me how he was having second guesses regarding his recent engagement he was having doubts about getting married and he literally said to me man I haven't told anyone this not my friends not my co-workers definitely not my fiancee not anyone I don't know why but I felt like I wanted to tell you stuff like this happens to me all of the time people tell me things that they don't usually share with others secrets radical opinions past traumas things like that and because I'm able to get people to open up to me like this these relationships thrive and we usually become good friends four years down the line today I'm gonna show you exactly how you can get people to open up to you so that you can create deeper and more fulfilling relationships in your own life and there's really only two things you have to do first you have to learn to reduce your filter if you think about it the reason why we are scared to say certain things or to act in certain ways is because we are afraid of how others will react we're scared of being made fun of of looking like a fool of being branded as an outcast so we tend to keep a lot of our thoughts ideas and feelings bottled up inside instead of talking about things that we really want to talk about we put on a filter and we spend most of our time conversing in small talk we talk about things like the weather our classes last night's sports game because these are all safe topics but secretly deep down inside we're all looking for that special someone someone who we can share our strange thoughts and ideas with now if you come along and you fill them from the start that you don't really care about being a perfect snowflake then you don't really filter yourself and that you are willing to talk about things that are deemed as socially unacceptable or strange then people will want to open up to you they'll think wow this guy doesn't really care too much about what society thinks so it should be safe for me to talk to him about things that I've been bottling up inside you want to be that guy you want to show them that you don't really have a filter and it's pretty easy to do this all you have to do is share something that is considered to be sort of weird something that is slightly out of the norm for example I will sometimes tell people about how I don't sit on toilets fun fact I squat on top of them when I do my business why well it's because when I was a kid I just didn't like the cold feeling of my butt touching the seat but it turns out that we humans are meant to use the toilet in the squatting position there are a ton of benefits but let's not get into that too much here you can look into that on your own time the point I'm trying to make is that when you share something that's sort of strange like this people will instinctively react by thinking huh that's weird but deep down inside they're also thinking huh this guy doesn't really care too much about what others think so it should be okay if I talk about some of the stuff I've been bottling up inside as well I can relax and filter less my words and thoughts now it's very important to note that there is a fine line between being seen as someone who has a reduced filter and being seen as someone who is just plain old crazy and it all depends on your perceived value which is a concept we talked about in a previous video there's a difference between that unemployed guy who lives next door coming up to you and talking about seeing aliens as compared to someone like Bob Lazar who's a well-known scientist coming up to you and talking about seeing an alien spaceship if your value is too low people will just think that you're crazy you're gonna try their best to get away from you so you should only reduce your filter and say weird things if your value is high enough which means having proper hygiene having a decent amount of social proof meaning that people know you have friends dressing decently well being in decent shape being able to hold eye contact etc the higher your value is the easier it is to get away with saying weird and strange things now before we dive into the second thing you have to do in order to get people to open up to you I want to quickly tell you about a new program of ours the habit builder challenge because as we all know the only way you'll actually see any progress in your life whether it's your health wealth overall happiness or even your relationships is if you build the right habits you won't suddenly become a social butterfly just by watching the befriend course I wish it was that easy right because you actually have to go out there and build a habit of talking to people so if you're interested in receiving news about this habit building program of mine all you have to do is sign up for our email list by clicking on the link in the description box below all right let's get back to the topic at hand now after you've shown someone that you don't really have a filter by saying something out of the norm it's still up to you to guide the conversation in a way that will eventually get them to open up see most of the time people just won't talk about things that they've been bottling up for months or even years unless you prompt them to which is why the second thing you have to do is ask the right questions and not just any question there is a special type of question that I personally like to use a lot in conversations they're what I like to call assumption questions all it is is when you make an assumption about someone based on an observation and see if it's true or not going back to the example from the beginning of the video when I was having the conversation with my acquaintances I noticed that he had a very monotone expression on when talking about his recent engagement so I said I'm just gonna be honest with you man you don't really sound that excited about the engagement is there something bothering you assumption questions like this - two things first it shows that you are really really listening because the only way you can make an assumption like this is if you are paying 100% close attention to what they were saying how they were saying it and their body language the very fact that you're paying this much attention shows that you genuinely care about what's being said and that's something that people really really like it makes them feel good the second thing this does is it causes them to react if your assumption is wrong they will instinctively want to correct you you might say something like oh no it's it's not that I'm not excited I'm just tired for my long fight here yada yada in this case you can simply take that information and branch off into another topic you can talk about how you recover from jet lag - it's up to you but what I found is that if you're really paying attention you'll actually be able to make a correct assumption most of the time and when that happens when your assumption is correct they will almost always start opening up because this is the cue for them to open up that bottle to let out all those emotions and thoughts they've been holding in for who knows how long right we all know that talking about our problem helps relieve the stress that comes along with it and by making a correct assumption you've essentially told them hey I'm the perfect person to talk to about this subject I don't really have a filter so I probably won't judge you and to top it off I care about you in this conversation so I am the perfect candidate for you to talk to and that's how you get someone's open by reducing your filter and asking assumption questions now the information you learned in this video is helpful and it will work but at the end of the day it doesn't mean anything unless you take action and you turn it into a habit you've got to build a habit of talking to people if you ever want to get people to open up to you right so if you want to learn more about the habit builder challenge and also other future programs and services we'll be releasing make sure you click on the link in the description box below to sign up for our mailing list besides that guys stay tuned

Channel: Improvement Pill

Views: 3,245,084

Keywords: how to have deep conversations, deep conversation, conversation, deep conversations, deeper conversations, how to get people to open up to you, beefriend course, improvement pill, beefriend

Id: uKO6MidWggs

Length: 7min 15sec (435 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 14 2019