Principles of a Divorce Proof Marriage

[Music] if you remain standing and turn with me in your Bibles to Genesis chapter 2 and verse 22 in Genesis chapter 2 I'm sorry verse 24 Genesis chapter 2 verse 24 while you're turning there every February of every year I preached a series of sermons on relationships and this year was no exception to that and we spent the month of February looking at relationships in a series that we call living and loving we spend week 1 talking about the importance of our relationship with God we two we talked about being single and satisfied week three we talked about the issue of dating and how to enter properly into relationships today I want to talk about marriage in Genesis chapter 2 in verse number 24 you don't have to be married to get a lot out of this sermon you just need to know someone who is married in Genesis chapter 2 verse 24 if you have it's a men and therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed amen you can have your seats [Applause] keep your Bibles over and I'm gonna spend all of our preaching time on those two verses and I want to tag this text and preach today from the subject principles of a divorce proof marriage principles of a divorce proof marriage if we were to be honest there is a universal need that we all have that universal need that we all have is the need to be loved it does not matter age sex ethnicity doesn't matter what level of intelligence or education doesn't matter if you're rich or poor whatever the social demographics may be of your life we have all been wired by our Creator who is God that we should love and be loved and whether or not we want to admit it and testify to the truth it is our greatest need and desire it's the inspiration of our grandest dreams to be loved is that the core of our hopes and dreams to be loved y'all very few things feel as good as knowing you are loved in a secure and stable environment and similarly very things feel as bad as being unloved and rejected y'all the problem is finding and keeping this love is hard and for even those of you who are in marriage heaven right now even a marriage that is made in heaven must be maintained on earth and oftentimes we stray from the intent of the designer when we talk about any part of our life its truest of all things the highest potential we can reach the greatest satisfaction we can reach is experience when the creation functions in accordance with how it was designed we oftentimes see freedom as something that is stealing from me or taking from me freedom is not the absence of boundaries freedom is having boundaries freedom is being freed up to understand the ability of how I was created and how and why I think about a fish a fish has boundaries when it comes to earth when it comes to land but it's only within those boundaries that is freed really be a fish and enjoy its intent of creation and slim a bird is most free not when its walking on the ground but when it's flying in the air and when we begin looking at marriage in two verses everything we need to know about marriage and the boundaries and the blessing attached to it are attached to two verses of Scripture because when we enter into a marriage relationship we are participating in an institution not that man made but that God made the only way I can fully understand the freedom and the blessing of it is to listen and glean from the creator of the institution to teach us what it needs to look like you know the text Adam is here everybody else has somebody it's just him he's ready for a spouse and using the language of matthew henry the period in matthew henry he was he takes a rib out of the side of Adam so that Eve would be made not out of the head of Adam to top him not out of the feet of Adam to be trampled on by him but made out of the side of Adam to be equal to him to be made under his arm to be protected by him and to be made near his heart to be loved by him and in the context of that two verses and I want you to hear this not so much for Adam and Eve but for us we're spoken by God pastor why would you say it's not really for Adam and Eve because God says that you a man shall leave his father and mother neither Adam nor Eve had a mother so the instruction of what marriage are look like is not for them tell your neighbor is for us these two verses there are four principles are given to us to divorce proof every marriage and I want to give them to you today the last Sunday of this living and loving series here's number one the first thing this text teaches us stay close to the text is it teaches us about the principle of priority God opens up and says in verse 24 therefore a man shall leave everybody say leave so when God designs the marriage covenant he designs it an intent that the special commitment between a man and a woman would be the most important earthly relationship I'm probably gonna have a hard time getting some amens but I'm committed to the Bible because God is teaching us that when you get married the number one human being in your life is your spouse let me go ahead and I hate to say this to the young people on you Sunday but it's not the children it's not your parents you're not talking to me in Genesis 2:24 the word leave is the Hebrew word of zob the word azaab in the original language means to loosen or relinquish that means when you get married you don't let go of your parents but you loosen you relinquish it means you don't let mama and daddy tell you how to run your house I don't have help in here and when we look at the challenge of marriage it is usually around misplaced priorities I want to spend some time just honing in and talking about those priorities because if not we subject our partners to what I would refer to as legitimate jealousy when somebody else is more important their jealousy is legitimized when their friends are y'all not talking come on you got a bromance and you closer to your board than you are your wife your wife has a reason for legitimate jealousy and so there has got to be deliberate priority sets first of all let me say this to uh shop we've got to have a willingness to prove and protect our priorities and we've got to understand that God is first and then my spouse and then your children then your extended family and friends then work in career then hobbies and interests let me throw this in for free any good friend who is bad for your marriage is not a good friend so let me throw this in for free just made anecdotal for a moment so in order to keep the spouse as a priority the priority a principle priority you need to have a date night can I throw this in without the kids ain't meant somebody you need to pray together and go to church together you need to go on some walks together take some trips together go overnight take a weekend trip have face-to-face conversation tell your neighbor texting is not talking they just need to know that they need to know that and one last time you talked to my just talk to him you didn't just talk to him you just text them you gotta have some face-to-face talk time and I'm going all the way for it you got a plan time to have sex when you're not tired [Applause] why don't we want the preacher to talk about stuff we talk about in the world anyway would it be good if we put the Bible on some of this stuff we talking about anyway but this most significant part of the priority is about communication and I'm gonna spend time there because too many folks don't understand how to talk to people I want to say three things about this priority of communication first of all if I'm going to talk to you and if you have a a marriage relationship or a serious relationship or a committed relationship we have to talk to each other well if I'm going to talk to you I've got to talk to you with the right tone maybe y'all can help me preach this most of us could care less how true it is of what someone says to me if they say it to me the wrong way most of us come from the same perspective that you can't microwave communication and we've got to understand what tone we take with people so I want to park here for a moment and teach you about encrypted language because it's not just what I say everybody shout is how I say it and so when you are a woman talking to a man well let me start with the woman when you talking to a woman your tone has to be encrypted with security regardless of what you said your tone has to be encrypted with a tone then this is what she's hearing your worth you're important to me I'll sacrifice anything for you I love you with all my heart you're worth fighting for that when we talk to people it's got to be in such a way that they know we are meeting their biggest need my tone has to be right because when the words spoken to her with the right tone give her value and comfort she responds in environment of security but let me let you in on something that most men won't tell you but most of us as men we'd rather be respected than loved so you can say something to a man but if you come at them wrong I'm gonna Park for a moment because you know I spend a lot of time talking about law enforcement and the statistics attached to black men and how law enforcement interacts and I'm quick to always side with law enforcement say you know we're you know young people you got to be submissive you got to know how to respond you got to do what you've been asked to do but today I want to flip it and put some responsibility on law enforcement because as a man when you stop me if you come at me disrespectfully even the most grounded y'all don't want to talk but I'm being honest in here even the most grounded god-honoring man at the end of the day is not trying to be trumped by another man and if you would just talk to me right and talk to me respectfully and talk to me like I'm a human being and talk to me like I got a brain and talk to me like I'm somebody I might respond different to you because the way something is said to a man is as important to him as what is being said because if a man feels disrespected it's important to is it it's difficult for him to respond in any way at all me divorce proofing marriages men gravitate to places and people where they feel honored and respected and when they feel dishonored and disrespected they gonna find somewhere where they feel honored and respected and then I'm not gonna make a lot of friends with this sermon because we have our mind made up that's just the way I am and I'm gonna talk to him how I want to talk to him but you got to be careful because why you're being disrespectful there's somebody else flirting around trying to be respectful and so your language has to be encrypted with a tone a tone that says you're a good man a tone that says I'm proud of you a tone that says I'm proud to be your wife a tonus and whatever it takes I believe in you and the same thing is true as parents when we interact with our children we have to speak to our sons and daughters differently we have to make sure our sons understand we respect them and our daughters understand there's an environment of security because our tone matters but when we talk about this issue of the priority the principle of our priority not this is my tone matter but the time I give you matters because if you are a priority I made time for you some of you gonna be happy you heard this Simon let me help you this your wife or your husband should have the right of refusal of anything that's on your schedule it's tight in here it so you should be going through your calendar this is why some of you who single need to stay that way because when you're saying one sure when you get married you got to give up some stuff that you didn't have to give up when you're single when you get married one of the big mistakes married folk make is making a van and then want to live like you're single no when you get married it's two of us now not just one so there's got to be a tonne in how I communicate with you but there's got to be time that I give you it has to be evidence that I'm putting you as a priority and making you as a priority because God says when you get married you leave you relinquish father and mother the most important relationship begins to be my spouse so it's about time it's about tone but here's the third thing about this issue of priority it's about trust the means I have to become a person that keeps my promises I've had to be willing to take responsibility for my behaviors I've got to be trusted that I can treat you like an equal and I value your input and so family we have to recognize that let me just throw this in for free infidelity breaks the account you could spend 20 years paying into the account and every time you go to dinner you paying into the account every time you say girl you fine you paying into the account every time you complement a compliment in her hair you you paying into the account every time you hold her hand you paying into the account every time you look in her eyes and say I'm so glad I'm your husband you paying into the account every time you said girl let's pray together you paying into the contract every time you go on vacation you paying into the account you could spend 20 years pan into the account and then take 30 minutes with someone other than your spouse and immediately the account goes to zero and then that's why when you try to grab her hand she go because there's nothing in the account that's why we try to snuggle up that night in bed y'all now talking it's nothing left in the account that's why you wind up on the sofa she wind up in the bed cuz there's nothing left on the account and we gotta recognize it as men we have to take responsibility for our mess-ups and we've got to own our stuff and recognize that it's a time for recovery and it's gonna take time to get things right the first issue here is a man shall leave his father and his mother it's the principle of priority but there's a second principle he says and hold fast to his wife number two is the principle of pursuit the New King James Version the King James Version uses the language cleave to his wife it literally means in the Hebrew to hold fast it means to pursue with great energy it means to cling to them zealously and vigorously in other words what it's saying is I'm gonna work just as hard to keep you as I did to get you maybe my merry folk in the room will say Amen and what I'm about to say marriage takes work come on do I have anybody to testify come on even when it's good it takes work and in order for a relationship to be successful we've got to work at it now I want to minister this because I prayed about this god I'm praying that as of the day of this sermon you would make words have an ankle church a divorce free church as at the moment I preached this sermon and so I don't know who this is for but if you're in the room today feeling like you're on the end of it and you're about to quit and I'm filing for divorce and I'm done trying I want to encourage you that I don't care how bad it has gotten if you are willing to work at it God can resurrect it and I believe there's some folk in church right now that have had some rough moments along the way but they kept working at it and as a result of working at it God was able to resurrect it and now you're in a good space everybody say exercise is the key let me help you for a moment because no matter how out of shape you are exercise can help I've never heard anybody say I'm too out of shape to exercise I want I want you to get this you're never too out of shape to exercise it's just that the more out of shape you are the more work it is let me come get you into the text so when you feel like you're out of love in the same way that exercise is the answer when I'm out of shape exercise is the answer when I'm out of love because if we are willing to put the work in if we are willing to say God I'm willing to do whatever I need to do to get the marriage to a good place it will never work if I don't work why is it we are willing to spend more energy on a future spouse than we do on the current spouse I don't have help in here you know we see it all the time you married and unhappy you let yourself go no no cute dresses you don't go to the barber no more nails all dirty but then somebody leave all of a sudden you can find your way to the barber shop you can get your hair done you can get on a nice dress and what a tragedy that I'm willing to work harder to find a new somebody and I wouldn't put the same energy in who I'm keeping the person that God had given me because the vow says to stick with you everybody say stick with it the vow says to stick with you when things are good stick with you when things are bad stick with you let me put that in consumer terms what is really saying is when we get married we are the only store we shop in if you if you if you worshipping next to your spouse right now just look at him real quick if you worship it next to your spouse look like and just tell them we not shopping in no other store so we shopping in any other store is forbidden and you got to make your mind up as a husband everything my wife needs I got inventory for and you got to make your mind up as a wife everything he needs I got do I have any married couples in here that no you have exactly what your spouse needs and you ain't got to go if you married the Harris Teeter stay out of Piggly Wiggly and young people and and single people you got to hear me if you develop a mindset of shopping all over the place you won't have the discipline this is why you got to learn faithfulness before you get married when you single that ain't the time to be shopping all over the place cuz then you get in the habit of shopping all over the place you gettin your meat from there you can goods from there your vegetables from there you better find you one store and do your shopping and let God bless you in that place let me throw this in for free if your wife don't have it in inventory it in for you to have a man shall leave priority and hold fast pursue gotta pursue her this is you've heard it but I'm gonna remind you of it keep on with that attitude of scat cat going going with that going with that without touching me like that stop with that stop with that cuz this another sister like come on kitty kitty come on kitty kitty come on shitty kid yep y'all know I'm talking right in here you gotta pursue her I'm gonna do a message just for Mary folk about sex but I throw this in for free since you're curious according to the Bible you only get to say no when y'all both agree oh I don't have help so all day I ain't feelin it what the Lord didn't tell me that so but I'm gonna give y'all that separately without all the single folk here but all the married folk who one deposit an extra offering for that word go right ahead and do that here's the third thing that sex teaches us the third thing the text teaches us is about the principle of partnership a man shall leave priority holdfast pursue they shall become one flesh partnership this is important because most times we minimize this to simply talking about sex but to understand the meaning and the implication of partnership here's the truth of it marriage is a complete union in which all things previously owned and managed individually separately are now owned and managed jointly everybody say all things everybody say no exceptions in other words are anything in marriage that is not willfully submitted so the ownership of the other person is now held outside the Union and produces legitimate jealousy let me park because we have a lot of blended families in our church this is why you get married and your spouse has son or daughter it's not your child it's the child it's the partnership child go not there yet when you get married her mother is not her mother it's both your mother's yeah because everything that was held separately it's now brought together jointly your bills are your bills your health issues on my health issues let me let y'all in a little quick one so you know you dating the right person I'm talking to single folk will fast if y'all go out to dinner and he don't let you eat off his plate don't marry him [Applause] because he already don't he already does not understand that if we really together my food is your food and your food is my food because this thing is brought together jointly so whatever you order is for me so when you wash your car you wash her car you gas up your car I don't have help you gas up her car you pick up your dry cleaning you picked up my dry cleaning because at the end of the day the two become one flesh maybe I shall no exceptions the act of becoming one flesh involves so much more than sex we have to be careful about selective possession selective possession leads to hurt it leads to mistrust it leads to a loss of in the intimacy it's not your career is jointly your career together and your parent you don't realize how how easy we offend and violate this principle you check out families right when they have a baby together and the child does something good that's my baby let them act a fool that's your son that's just son now at all times whether they are at their best or their worse the principle of partnership applies intimacy is not built solely or primarily on great sex or deep conversation true intimacy is created when two people I want you to hear this so intertwine their lives with each other that we cannot determine where one life ends and another begins I'm done with this last principle the principle can y'all have someone to care division bring me some oil cuz after I dismiss everybody I'm a I want to anoint every married couple the last principle is the principle of purity everybody say purity it's in verse 25 verse 25 it reads and the man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed this is interesting because God's intent for marriage married folk y'all can thank me later it's so that you could be naked in front of each other so when God creates Adam and Eve he didn't clothe them as a matter of fact he didn't even prepare artificial coverings for them it was not until after sin was introduced that they covered themselves God's intent was that they'd be naked in front of each other now I want to park here for a moment because when we talk about nakedness I'm talking about complete nakedness physical nakedness mental nakedness emotional nakedness spiritual nakedness this is the condition they found themselves in verse 25 it is God's perfect marriage relationship in fact in addition to our station ship with God there is no other relationship in life that affords the potential for as much nakedness as marriage I want to park here for a moment so we get this first of all if you can't completely expose yourself to your spouse you're in trouble because if I can't expose myself to you that means I'm hiding something from you that means at home I should be able to expose what I'm thinking I should be able to expose how I'm hurting I should be able to expose what I'm angry about and if I can't expose it to you then that means I'm hiding something from you and whatever I'm hiding from you could potentially send us to divorce court now I know they're children here so I want to be careful but I need to preach the text God makes Adam and from Adam Eve they are both completely naked you should understand what that looks like but it has a deeper spiritual meaning for us two things I want us to consider first of all both male and female have sensitive body parts but even in their areas of greatest sensitivity they are not covered which teaches us that the purity of marriage means I can be sensitive around you and feel safe but it's another meaning when you look at his body and her body they are clearly different bodies which means I have the ability to openly express my differences and not have to worry about you judging me you think this doesn't matter let me tell you why it does when a burglar wants to rob a home he or she I want to be equal opportunity offender when a burglar wants to rob your home they don't need multiple points of entry they need one uncovered space they need one unprotected door and if they can get in any area unprotected it gives them access to burglarize the whole house and if you think it's not important to share with you with your wife about your finances or your feelings or your addictions or your friends or your struggle you leave that door open if you want and a burglar is gonna come in and Windham wrecking the whole house and so it's becoming upon us that the person I'll tell everything to is my husband my wife the person that knows everything about me the good the bad the ugly is my wife my best friend should be your spouse your best friend should be your spa because I don't want to open up the door for a burglar can I'm going for it all of this my wife don't even notice I haven't even told my husband this you have just opened the door for the burglar and so I need to be able to safely be naked in front of you

Channel: Word Tabernacle Church

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Keywords: word tabernacle, wtc, rocky mount churches, church, James Gailliard, Word Tab, rocky mount, north carolina

Id: G0Uj7Pjn2J4

Length: 35min 48sec (2148 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 23 2020