HOW to DETACH. Detachment IS the game changer.

if you are somebody who has attachment to people especially anxious attachment which I guess this video will be so useful for detachment is going to be your most powerful tool to use I think my story in essence is before I learned the art and the power of detachment I was like a piece of a log stick in the ocean where I could be thrown from one side to the other according to how another person felt or what happened now Detachment is not and I'll go into this more later completely disregarding or ignoring your feelings but it's often talked about when it comes to ideas in your life that you really wanted to happen like marriage having children things that you cannot control essentially you cannot control what partner you're going to meet and furthermore you cannot control what that person does the conscious acknowledgment that you cannot control other people and you will drive yourself crazy if you try you cannot do it so in trying to do it in trying to check their phone and trying to look through their messages and trying to drive yourself crazy in the idea of control you're actually hurting yourself you cannot find and you will not find safety in trying to control another human being or an outcome and that's what you're searching for right if you're anxious in life you're searching for a stability a groundedness and you won't find it in them you're gonna find it in you so you need to create a space in a temple in your own reality that stands like a standstill kind of threshold that everything else around you is something nice and a beautiful addition to the cake that is you and it can knock you sure things can knock the cake think can make it wobble you know what I mean things can hurt you and it doesn't mean you're bionic or robotic but the texture and the quality of you will not change because this outside thing is not an ingredient that makes the cake it's just something outside of it it's not part of the ingredients I think the last thing I want to say before we go into how to use it and what it means is a story and that is when you hone the art of Detachment you can start to breathe light and gratitude into things that normally we don't feel gratitude for I now feel so grateful for my ex that cheated on me it's a distant memory to me because this was over 10 years ago but it's definitely something I want to share with you because I think it will help you in the process of understanding it sometimes when you're a person who either comes from anxious attachment or you're a woman women often want to make things work and fix things and attach to ideas and Concepts people we will hone in like a missile into making something work and sometimes we'll even find a guy like I suppose I did who's not exactly that into you or maybe they are but not that much where they're going to invest their life in you and we just decide that that's the person for us like do or die that's what I'm going to decide and I think I did that there was many signs where I shouldn't have been in that relationship we can go in in another video or I'm starting a podcast by the way so we can have our deeper meaningfuls there leave me any comments of what you want talked about in the podcast because it's going to be a little bit more intimate but um all the signs were there sometimes when people have huge attachment to people to things or concepts what happened to me is he cheated on me and you know why that's an amazing blessing now that I come from the angle of Detachment because if I didn't have something smack me in the face like something that completely broke my boundary for me that's cheating I wouldn't have left him people like us we just stay and work through things despite it being unpleasant because we're almost blind to the fact that we are here to live one life and the quality of it needs to be amazing the man needs to add something to your life you don't need to struggle like a mule up the hill of life with him on your back doing nothing why were you born to carry this man on you or woman if you're a real man watching this um at the detriment to you and I sometimes feel now coming from the concept of Detachment that the world God Universe was like yo smacked me in the face and was like stop you are not going to be attached to this person the only thing that could have made me break out of that habit and yep we're going to work on this we're going to try hard we're going to do this we're gonna do this thing lemon water try it amazing for you is this system breaker and you've almost got to realize that I say this often to people who talk to me who go through their partner's phone that wouldn't you rather detach from the concept of them like you've got to love them but wouldn't you rather detach from the concept of them being the be-all and end-all of your life like without them you will crumble you are a hundred percent of a person you're not 50 50 you're not an apple that comes together you're two apples that make up a fruit bowl okay wouldn't you rather detach from that because you know what wouldn't you rather live your life beautifully now not going through their phone why are you going through that phone I know why people do it because they are so terrified they want to find out they want to find out now because they are attached to the idea of what this partner brings and they want to make sure that they've made the right choice because that partner's reality and how they see you and what they are doing is so important and of course I'm human I struggle with this too not with the phone checking I cannot even begin to tell you how useless of a practice that is because if you want to find something you will and that means not that um everyone cheats and every man cheats there is no everyone there is no such thing as everyone it cannot be and everyone this is the thing if you want to find something you will means if your mindset is one that is predicated on that person being the be-all and end all of you and you finding something they've done wrong said wrong breathed wrong it could have been in the past babe you know it could be in the past it could be something you will find it if you want to demise your relationship if you are convinced that that person is somehow wrong to you you will number one find something and number two you are orchestrating your relationship in a way that you're cornering that person you are thinking badly of them and the way to make a person do good to you is to already speak into them as if they are but that's a whole other video so attachment what is it attachment essentially means the ability to separate yourself your entity your being the cake that you are from a person or a goal it doesn't mean coldness it doesn't mean you don't care it doesn't mean you're robotic or some kind of psychopath it just means you have a deep root and a deep knowledge that you can weather storms and that you are your own entity and your own being and you have your own blessings and your own path to walk and like I said before about the cheating Fiasco you can look back and go wow this happened for me for me to go on to better things this happened for me because if this didn't happen to me I would still be trying to make it work and who wants that the reason um Detachment is important to cultivate is because the more you detach from people or outcomes the more you hone who you are as a person the more you get to know yourself the more you rely on your own personal power and the more you've got something to come back to it's like creating a best friend out of yourself it's like cultivating something that is so strong and powerful and essentially coming off the back of anxious attachment it reduces anxiety in a huge way because why do we feel anxious we feel anxious and like we rely on somebody because in our childhood some needs didn't get met obviously our father was absent our mother wasn't available um somebody said something some experience at school whatever it could be something occurred where we realized that we've got a grasp for people's attention and people's time and people's opinion of us and outside of it we cannot have our own detaching from people's ideas of us you know that question of oh what does he think of me does he think I'm cute does he like me does it matter does it matter it will play out as it plays out Detachment also allows you as a woman not to chase people it allows you to lean back in your natural self and understand that the person who you are attractive to will be attracted it also allows you to not disappear into the ether of nothingness because often when we are so attached to people and things we start to emulate what we think they like and I don't know if you've ever been around a person who tries to say yeah yeah what's your favorite color red me to meet you my favorite colors red you stop seeing who they are because they're not a developed human being and in Psychology one of the first Rules of Attraction is that person is deeply themselves in fact there's a theory I don't remember the name but if somebody tells you that they love chocolate cake and it's the favorite thing that they love you shouldn't rush off and make that chocolate cake you should say oh I like cheesecake you should say what you like and give them the best cheesecake you have made you should not rush off to fit into the paradigms of their reality just because they love chocolate cake and their mum made the best one you need to say but I'm here to bring blueberries I'm here to bring cheesecake and it's going to be the best damn cheesecake you have tried but how can you discover your reality if you're always attached to other people's reality and performing in the circus as the monkey that is their reality You're Gonna Lose Yourself and then you're going to realize you're replaceable because most human beings on this Earth are attached to people and outcomes so the way to become irresistible and irreplaceable is to detach is to say hey this is me this is my world this is MySpace and I'm okay it will reduce your anxiety significantly there is even exciting times and is so exciting is interesting because anxious and excitement kind of cross over at times you know if you feel the feeling it's kind of similar um just one is expensive and positive and one is negative there are times when I practice it where I want to know where a certain person is or why they haven't replied and you can just sit with yourself and you can go wow what will truly happen if they don't reply like what will truly happen if they don't like me back I hope nothing I hope nothing the only time where I see that that Detachment is not Deployable is when it's a loved one and they've gone missing you know what I mean like they haven't replied to you I understand we're all human it's not a lack of emotion for sure you know Detachment might literally save your life or it could at least save your sanity and ironically get you to where you want to go there are so many ways to take this conversation and maybe it's going to be over several videos but essentially Detachment is the law of assumption it's the Law of Attraction it's everything it is taking care of yourself first and letting others take responsibility of themselves without trying to punish them or trying to control them so it's taking care of yourself first I'm just trying to repeat that so you really hear it without taking responsibility for others so that they can do what they need to do because you are born as you and you are here as you and you literally have no control over other people you have some illusion of control maybe a delusion of control because you know that's what we're bombarded with we're told all the time you know do this to affect that person or when you get married or when you get this job you're gonna feel this type of way about yourself but in reality it's just a recipe to drive yourself crazy Detachment can help you control your reality without letting it control you you can literally decide to control what is in your control and let go of the things that you can't it is the knowledge of knowing that you are enough in this current existence and that something outside of yourself and and predominantly for everybody who's listening I think it's a person outside of themselves not necessarily a job or an achievement or a piece of structure or something like that it's a person outside of yourself cannot complete you and cannot create a sense of happiness that you feel you are missing in your life you are not missing that you have everything inside you that you currently need in order to create your reality because if you want to be happy be it things outside you need not to be able to control you it's about the knowledge that it's about the journey not the destination that there is no goal or no person or no family on a marriage that you can have that is going to Define you truly and it's hard to believe when you haven't yet got there but many times when people reach their destination I'm sure you've heard celebrities talk about it or people who are successful they say wow at the end of the day I wake up with me the same old me that I always was and I'm not saying that material things or a relationship or marriage isn't amazing it is amazing and a lot of my other videos are about that but I will say if you learn Detachment which I will go into in a minute how to do it where to do it how to deploy it and how to hone it if you use it you can ironically attract all the right things in your life because the desperate energy that you deploy when you do not detach when you're totally attached to ideas and people is the thing that often will drive those people and ideas away from you you see what I mean nothing has to be how you imagined it all perfect also Detachment will give your partner freedom to come closer to you if you are not detached from ideas people and situations you are often trying to control them all the result people feel that people are energetic beings they feel that your life and purpose is predicated on their actions and reactions how can they be free to be themselves things you can do in order to practice Detachment is meditation visualization journaling you know all of those I'm sure if you're watching this video you've heard about them writing out the reality of your life and how you want it to go even when people are involved I'm sure you can involve them but writing out a reality and visualizations of who you want to be a self-concept getting really obsessed about the idea of where you are going and who it is you are I guess we've just discussed this right so it's about the idea of who am I cultivating if I'm a vegetable how am I growing myself what vegetable am I you know what I mean I don't know why that vegetable metaphor comes to mind but it's more like you know how people are proud to grow the biggest cucumber at the fair or whatever um what is it you are your own self-project you need to get as obsessed as you feel about other people about yourself to hang the concept of self-worth on your own ideas on your own visualizations of you and not on them because if you're sitting there and focusing constantly about when he's going to propose he's not got anything to propose to because you've become a mirror of his expectation another one is cognitive reframing and you've just seen me do an example of it I could have been like oh I've been cheated on I'm not worth it I don't like myself why would someone do that I don't have those thoughts at the time I might have had some kind of thoughts like that but I don't even remember it to be honest because I've cognitively reframed you need to write down all the ideas that you have about yourself especially when someone's not replying to you or someone's not fitting into your Paradigm of reality you need to detach you need to write down all the scared thoughts you have like it's not fair or I don't like this or they're not applying to me because they don't like it I need to reframe this is a great opportunity because if this person ghosts me I won't have wasted my time on them this is a great opportunity because now I get to see sooner rather than later when I'm married with children that this person isn't for me thank you Lord Universe whoever you believe in for showing me earlier cognitive reframing have a look at what it means is that ability to control the frame in which you put an idea every idea can be reframed truly it can try it I think another thing to talk about when it comes to Detachment is detaching not from people but from your own thoughts as well I think after I had my child you often get like intrusive thoughts um like oh no what if this happens what if that happens you get really intense about like their safety and all those things and I read in a book once you know it's the old adage of be like water my friend and Bruce Lee that when you're feeling your emotions and the ideas that come to you you're not standing in the river of your emotions being thrown around but you're you come out of the river and you look at the water and You observe them right so as I started to observe my thoughts of like oh no what if something happens what if this chair Falls what if that thing happens if any moms are here I'm sure you'll comment um that you know you had those thoughts it's very common I read in a book um where I was discussing the psychology of postpartum a person was talking about how you know they were always scared when they were carrying their child down the steps that they would drop them and the only thing that helped their mind shift is when they stood on the stairs and almost like a meditation and we're like okay so what if that happens take me that brain let's do this like you're fearing brain because you want to protect me but I'm here and I'm willing to observe you and meditate through this I'm willing to weather this storm and I think mine only subsided when I stepped into that observe my emotions and at the end I was able to say oh I'm only thinking these things because I love my child so much this is my brain protecting me of any dangers and instead of being like oh why am I thinking this I started to think oh thank you brain for trying to you know make sure that I'm safe and that he is safe and terms of your attachment to people step away use this as an opportunity to get to know yourself what am I afraid of that person doesn't like me anymore okay are we gonna end up alone okay and where would that leave us where would we go like try and face your reality and yourself and understand you've always got you when it comes to Detachment and work I think my workflow increased and completely step up into another notch when I detach from the outcome I spent a very long time in my youth doing careers that I plotted and paths and kind of um pushed because I was very attached to the outcome as opposed to really observing myself I enjoyed talking about who I really am and what people resonate with I think also Detachment can work in terms of not even when it comes to people or relationship but in terms of sometimes you might have ideas of yourself or or what it is you think you need to be you might be thinking oh I need to go to a certain college or a certain University in order to achieve abcdfg and you're so focused on a goal and an outcome that you forget to observe yourself and Detachment can help in that as well where you just step away and go there are so many paths in life as Steve Jobs said sometimes all these connecting dots of random things you do end up putting you in the place where you want to go attachment really works when you're practicing the journey like you're enjoying the journey and you're learning self-growth and you're really living in the moment and you're enjoying who you are in that moment it's that like whole practice of you know when I said about like worrying that somebody's going to leave you or all that stuff why worry why not be with them and enjoy the process right now and try not to see the outcome because essentially you will see it like the world always reveals itself lies don't often stay as lies and you will instinctively know and you will see them but you'll be prepared for anything that happens because let's say even something does go wrong you would have had a really great time in the time that it didn't why prepare for things that might not even happen I think the biggest thing to take away is if you really do start to practice it a little bit more and say that I'm an entity in myself I've got this learn about yourself get obsessed with your journey really be on it you will see that you start to magnetize people and opportunities to you desperate energy is really difficult to deal with for people for the universe for everything so it's hard for things to come to you when you operate from a level of desperation so when you start to deploy and practice this Detachment not in a cold not in a cynical not in a horrible way you're still a human being you're still gonna feel you're still gonna be everything that you want to be but you're gonna know you got this and slowly over time the way you're going to see it's working is when someone's gonna say something you don't necessarily like you're not going to be reactive you're going to be slower to react to things and you're going to act and not react because you would have detached from outcomes and you would be acting on the things you want to do as opposed to reacting reactive reacting reacting he said this he said that I'm going to lose this person it's just too much and the reality is in this world things are not certain and if you allow yourself to be thrown around by the world and not have an inner Center you're going to spend most of your life trying to get back up on your feet as opposed to moving towards where you want to go I'm going to add some books about attachment into my Amazon list I'll leave that below I think a lot of things I talk about like the 20 feminine energy principles which is my course you can get it in my website as well is part of that I grew up very pushing very dependent on other people's opinion very masculine and I think a part of my journey of self-discovery is feminine energy and Detachment and flow so I just wanted to share that with you and I hope it helped you see you on the next one love you lots bye

Channel: Margarita Nazarenko

Views: 1,287,676

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Id: 9rsLwtsBu6o

Length: 23min 21sec (1401 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 20 2023