Detach & Build your Self Esteem in 4 Steps

hello my little chicken soup thank you for joining me today for those of you who are watching on video you will see I'm in my car today has been a day I cannot be in my house for reasons that I will not disclose I'm joking I cannot be in my house because there is Works going on and you would not be able to hear me speak breathe or think so I am in my car I've got a microphone you guys are propped up on the steering wheel and later on I have a lunch for which I have a bump suit with me which I ordered in a size extra small because I was ordering it in a frantic last night not last night get the fact straight a few weeks ago so I was ordering it I don't know I ordered medium extra small large I don't even know what I did but if you guys don't know bumpsuit is like the best for pregnancy it's just to mention that I thought I'd throw out there it's not a sponsor but it's a very very amazing brand anyway I'm in my car I am going to attend this lunch in um a black T-shirt it is what it is but we are here today to talk about self-esteem because it is not about what you turn up in my beautiful blue bump suit dress will not be worn because it is too small for this 8-month pregnant girl but she will show up with her self-esteem she will show up flourishing and happy and I wanted to talk to you guys about about the root of self-esteem and how to really show up for yourself and how to really like yourself and how to really get to that place with yourself that is so rare it is so rare to have genuine connection and like to yourself so without further Ado my little love bugs let's get into this and by the way thank you for all of you who take the time to listen to watch and extra thank you for every everyone who takes the time to comment and extra extra bestos and kisses for those of you who subscribe and who give five stars reviews reviews on the podcast so without further Ado I'm not going to do The Annoying Thing of starting with the benign one and ending with the most poignant I'm going to go in with the most poignant the most poignant is do not Chase what is not for you and well there's two most poignant I will start with those two don't chase what is not for you this is for the gal That I Used to Be and this might be you do not write extenuating paragraphs about why someone hurt you ask them what happened um associate with people who don't love you try and get people to give you value who don't see value in you I am talking to myself I am talking to the girl who needs to understand that friendships need to be cut off I am talking to the girl who needs to understand that coming as as from someone's point of view who is me who grew up without her father I chased the explanation of why I was not good enough for him to be in my life my whole dang life I literally I think I did Miss Universe and pageants well because I was interested in it and because it seemed so glamorous and beautiful and because I wanted to feel like a princess but why did I want to feel like a princess did I want to feel like a princess because I watched a lot of Disney which I did which I love or did I want to feel like a princess because I thought if he sees value in me and Beauty in me because that is what men like right whether they be your father or someone else and Society likes beautiful pretty girls who look like a princess right then he might regret not putting effort into his relationship with me I am going to break the suspense and let you know that no he did not regret it we still don't have a relationship and now as a 30-year-old woman I am telling you from the bottom of my solar plexus I am so happy about that and so comfortable about that that I cannot even communicate it why I will tell you why because it has given me value for what my husband's role is in my marriage and that is an incredible father to my child I have seen that man father that child in ways that I did not know possible the way my son looks at his dad is like oh my God it's out of this Earth I have been afforded this amazing opportunity of you know when you're a kid and you grow up without a pool or a big house and you grow up in an apartment and then you go to your friend's house and they have a pool in a big house and you're like oh my God this is insane and they're like yeah I never use my pool like whatever they don't know the privilege that they have I have been afforded the point of view of what a great father is and the appreciation therefore that I have for my husband secondly I have the closest relationship to my mom which I don't know I don't I simply don't know if I would have had I have extreme appreciation for her I have almost overe extenuating gratitude for the fact that she raised me maybe it's not so healthy where I'm like well he didn't like me didn't want me but she did oh my God I'm so fortunate that she did and she you know being a single parent and doing all of that jazz is not easy but she was there so I have this extreme love for my mother and I have this appreciation for my husband and this strong idea of what I want to cultivate hence a lot of the things I make I guess come from the belief in family and belief in that structure and I believe in it so much that's my opinion as a 30-year-old as a teenager and an early 20-year-old I wanted that validation of why didn't he want to be there and this is not a podcast about fathers this is a podcast about self-esteem but it often comes from how we feel we are seen in the eyes of others around us okay emotionally spiritually and in all those ways I think that when you associate with those who love you when you lean into let's say my Rel relationship with my mother she would do anything for me when I lean into my relationship with my husband he would do anything for me and my son my point of view and self-esteem changes if you lean into asking people who do not want to be in your life why they do not want to be in your life this could be an ex-boyfriend this could be a work colleague this could be a friendship group of girlfriends who don't want you around honey this is a big one I get in my DMs you are going to be asking your brain why am I not worth it and what do we know about the brain the brain will give you a reason because it doesn't like cognitive dissonance which is when your ideas of yourself and reality don't match it likes to match the reality to what is happening in front of them right so the brain sees oh she's associating with these people who don't like her she must not be very likable why are we doing this she must not have people who love her and it's giving you proof of why you're not a lovable little chap when you my friend absolutely are do not Chase those who want you is number one and do not associate with those who do not love you especially as a woman there is vadic teachings about the fact that when a boy is born he must become a man he does not have masculine qualities he is not brave he is not strong he is not any of those things he's not reliable I have a three-year-old son he is not brave strong or reliable okay actually my kid is slightly Brave I don't know what's going on there he he is a bit ruthless but those qualities that a man must hone onto himself are qualities that he builds however what are feminine qualities going with the flow being close to your nature of who you truly are um creating light and love for people in your life truly enjoying and being in your presence those are things that little girls are born with and little boys are born with too so if you're listening to this and you're thinking oh you know I I don't associate with people who love me naturally then it's a must you must because you need to go back to who you are you need to recover and the word recover from all the traumas you've been through or people rejecting you the word recover actually means to find doesn't it oh I've recovered my keys or I've recovered think about what the nature of that word is to recover from being hurt and being less valuable then in someone's eyes you must recover who you truly are go back to that feminine nature of being and if they don't love you then let the door knob hit them where the good Lord split them I was listening to Gaba mate who is one of my favorite um psychologist doctors of all time and he talks about I wasn't listening to him I was reading his book when the body says no which I highly recommend I've got an Amazon book list in my description box whether you're listening to this on podcast or whether you like to watch my little face and you watching this on YouTube he is talking about the fact that 85% of people who have autoimmune disease are women why is that the dynamic of relationships is that a woman takes on the emotion at all of the husband of the partner of the male partner why because the masculine um wants to be mothered by the woman this is not a healthy thing by the way you should not mother your man like I tell you till I'm blue in the face when you mother him it kills the sexual dynamic because no healthy person wants to sleep with their mother from the man's side and no healthy person wants to sleep with their son from the woman's side okay so what women do is the man is capricious and and does tantrums and does what he needs to do and is puts all the weight of the emotional relationship onto her when he's sad he just expresses it when he's this he expresses it and because women tread on eggshells and they are not told in the society to just voice how they feel despite the fact that we are told women are emotional and men are also logical my friend uh most studies disprove this not in a way that men are aren't logical and women are aren't emotional no not like that but men voice their emotions men voice what it is they got to do in the relationship and they often blame a woman for things that have got nothing to do with them and she carries the mental load which often is expressed in autoimmune diseases and things because when you don't say no the body will say no highly recommend that book so do not Chase and do not try and force things that are not natural to you express your feelings communicate who you are look after yourself because you do not want to be getting all kinds of autoimmune because you were walking on eggshells friendships the function of friendships about not chasing friendships I have I don't like to say cut off friends cuz I don't cut off friends I'm a very humanitarian person if this person or any person who used to be in my life came up to me I would gladly be let getting my car let's go like we're best friends like it doesn't matter but I've distanced myself and therefore when you slowly distance yourself people Peter off if you're a proactive person like me you will find that if you don't proactively chase people people who are not meant to be in your life kind of fall away for me there was friendships that took a toll on my life which I ended by ended I meant stop investing in and now you will find if you're that type of person who is like me who does the chasing who does the doing when you stop putting your efforts and energy into relationships that don't serve you you will excel succeed and flow and fly in things like your work or things you're creating I promise you it will be such a big pivotal moment for you you will know not know what hit you you will be like oh this must be some kind of like um apocalypse not apocalypse what is it called eclipse in the sky of solar something has happened where my life has taken a new shift no baby it's your energy of not chasing Tom Dick and Harry of not chasing Rebecca because she was toxic in your life and I don't like the word toxic I don't like it I know it's so used but the reason I don't like it is it implies that you have this like water clean like Purity and this person is so toxic and they're going to taint you like The Joker and your harlequinn no it's not like that people are toxic for each other and more so they don't bring out the best in each other so when you see that pull away from those people you've got so much to create in this one Lifetime and you are here wasting precious time so that's number one part of number one is number two and there are four points is let go of opinions and why he did or did not want to be with you this Hawks back to is it your father is it your mother is it some boyfriend is it a boss a lot of times we give attributes to people in our lives that we share so we think that we are this type of person we're a good type of person we do good things so people must be like us not that that we're all exclusively good that's not what I mean but people must be like us right because we have good intentions we have good intentions for our friendships and for people and for what we do so people must be like us and when someone dismisses us doesn't want us ghosts us isn't there for us hurts us we try and search for meaning we try and find the reason why I will give you a meaning I will give you a meaning right now as you're listening to this the meaning is you were meant for other things and you were meant for better things I can absolutely categorically say that my car has just switched on because it fully agrees with my verdict turn off darling calm down it agrees with my verdict it completely agrees and that is to say I can categorically 100% tell you that you deserve better not because you're a better person than them but simply on the fact that they do not want you they have rejected you and they have moved on I don't care why they did it we need to stop thinking about why and we need to stop stop moving forward as to what we're going to do next so those are the two pillars of self-esteem we're going to go to three and four which I love too ritual what is your daily ritual what is the food you put in your body what does it tell me about how you feel about yourself are you worthy of McDonald or what are you worthy of I saw this meme it was very interesting of like a stomach tube going into a baby as it's in the mother's uterus right and all of this stomach was filled with like junk food now I love a McDonald's drive-through okay that's me I I love that but I also I'm like a health nut with the McDonald's drive-thru every you know month or whatever okay I'm lying right now it's like every week stop it okay so what you feel about yourself what you feeding yourself and when I saw like all that junk going into the baby it's not direct like that that's not how feeding babies work and that's not how the placenta works but it made me feel not about the baby it made me feel about yourself what are you denoting and saying to yourself and what are you saying to yourself in general when you talk about your rituals do you rely on sugar do you work out how do you see yourself showing up in this world what do you think about yourself and your body do you look after your your microbiome that's a big one because you are a big rainforest and your microbiome are little tiny people little tiny pets who live in your gut who deserve to be fed vegetables and fruit if you do not feed them and you starve them you will have mental issues and I mean that seriously because your microbiome is your second brain you will not be happy you will not Thrive do your actions your actions right now McDonald's drive-thru Madam align with your future goals because right now I'm in my 30s and by my 40s I have this vision of who I want to be I did a meditation meditation slash I struggle to meditate but meditation slash visualization of who I want to be in my 40s and I swear to you that woman does not eat junk food because she has high value of herself and she's got only one body to live in this beautiful life right so you need to understand when your actions don't online with your future that is not self-esteem making because you need to show up for yourself baby you need to show up for who you are and who you want to be and every action you make like don't make it neurotic but every action you make needs to be like hm is this the 40-year-old me is this the 30-year-old me is this the 20-year-old me I mean if you're 15 and you're listening to this right is this who I want to be in the next week in the next month how do I want to treat myself how do I show up for myself because I know damn well you treat your pets better than you treat your self that's a statistic people will give the medicine to their pets before they give the right medication to themselves like if they need medicine right people often forget to buy their own medicine which is why vets do so well God bless them do you rely on these uppers and downers like who like you know sugar and caffeine I love a bit of caffeine I don't actually think it's bad for you but what do you rely on what is your ritual how do you get up how do you show up I was talking to somebody and I said they didn't have children I do and they said said something about blah blah blah I said I get up at 6:00 a.m. in order to do 2 hours of work before my son wakes up if I'm lucky sometimes he wakes up at 7:00 sometimes at 6:30 but I wake up in order to give that time to myself in order to do work because it makes me happy my work makes me happy it is my soul at the moment right apart from my family and my child and all that and he goes to me oh no I'm not a morning person I couldn't do that what do you mean you couldn't do how have you decided what kind of person you are how how how can you derail a whole idea of like your success because I'm not a morning person stop that kind of nonsense you are just a person and how you decide to show up is how you decide to show up moving on to the last Point act until you see the reflection of what you are acting like in other people's eyes because other people's eyes and how they look at you determines how you feel about yourself let's divulge kind of how you know um the DiCaprio movie where he pretends to be a pilot Catch Me If You Can I'm not telling you to be a swindler I'm pretend to be a pilot I'm not telling you to you know deceive people I'm not telling you to be deceptive and con people but what I'm saying is when he dresses up like a pilot and he walks through the airport he sees the people looking at him with the respect in their eyes that they would have for an airline pilot back in the 50s or 70s or wherever that film was based right and it's a true story so how you show up in this world is not necessarily true to who you exactly are it is who you believe you are so act until you make it how would a beautiful woman show up how would she walk how would she talk how would she present herself how does she go about this world and what does she do who does she show up as you have to really understand that you are the maker and the manufacturer of yourself I know this my love from being a very average child to deciding I want to do miss universe and placing runner up in the UK I realized that it's all about that I went to drama school and I realized that you as an actor can play a king today and then a peasant tomorrow those are two different identities of how those people feel about themselves but how you act and how you enter that stage the audience knows straight away that even they know the status of that character they know how you show up in this world it's the same for this world forget who you actually are and and all this idea about authenticity of who you are and start acting as the person you want to show up as show up as that act for like a month act for a week act for a certain amount of time see how people see you differently watch their expressions change and that is on self-esteem last but not least show up for yourself if you've set something do something I have said today on Monday Wednesday Friday I'm going to show up and I'm going to podcast I cannot podcast in my house house today I'm here doing it from my car I'm showing up for you because you're important to me I'm showing up for me because I'm important to me if I don't show up for me I'm going to give myself the exact feeling that somebody would give me if they don't show up for me how does someone make you feel when they don't show up for you tell me how do they make you feel they make you feel less than they make you feel not important you start questioning everything let's Hawk back to the beginning of this podcast and talk about that that's how they make you feel that's exactly how you make yourself feel if you don't show up for yourself and you can't prove me different so always be consistent and on time for you and that's that let's explore that together let's get our self-esteem working guys all my love to you thank you for Lending me your ear or your eyes if you're watching thank you for everything you do and thanks for joining me on this journey together love you lots like jelly tots [Music] bye oh

Channel: Margarita Nazarenko

Views: 183,274

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Id: JwavHWDCatQ

Length: 22min 9sec (1329 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 28 2023