How To Deal With Depression - Stop Feeling Worthless Now

hello my name is noah elkrief and in this video i'm going to talk about how to deal with depression if you've been around my channel before you've probably seen that I also have a few other videos about depression in this video I'm going to specifically address the feeling of worthlessness and the belief that I am unworthy and I have no value so if you've been feeling that way or believing those ideas then maybe this video can give you the relief and help that you're looking for not some at some point in the future but but right now the the aim of what I'm speaking about isn't to give you a tactic that you can apply later on it's meant to give you a discovery right now that gives you a relief right now that lasts so with that being said when we believe that we're on or the worthless or have no value in order to believe that we have to have some form of evidence right some sort of sort of proof to ourselves to convince ourselves that that is true I am really worthless and the main forms of evidence that I see in the people that come to me for sessions is fall into three basic categories one is the facts of my situation so my job is terrible I'm overweight my I don't make enough money I fail at everything I do nobody loves me I have no friends I have no lover nobody wants to be in a relationship with me that sort of thing the second is I feel worthless this feeling proves that I worked with a feeling in our stomach head or chest seems to indicate that we are unworthy and worthless and third is just unhappy we have this idea that if we were worthy if we were valuable we'd be happy and since we're unhappy that proves and since we feel so depressed that proves that were unworthy so in this video I'm going to address each of those things and why they don't mean you're unworthy and then we're going to look at some other things as well now let's look at the first reason for why we think we're unworthy and this is the facts of our situation so my job my wealth my house my lack of relationships my lack of friends my weight that stuff proves that I am unworthy and invaluable or unvalued I'm not sure which is the correct word well in order to see whether that's true or not we have to investigate it kind of like scientists over here okay so whatever job you think makes someone worthy is everybody that has that job worthy if someone makes a lot of money does that mean they're automatically worthy if let's say they spend it all on themself and don't give it away or let's say they make a lot of money but they hate their job just are they worthy are they valuable just because they make money or maybe you think worth is determined by being in a relationship that other people like you so some people just get a lot of girls and just hook up with girls and other people seem to like them are they worthy are they valuable just because other people like them maybe you think a certain amount of friends determines that you're worthy and valuable so does everybody that has friends feel worthy and valuable does everyone that has friends mean they're a nice person no of course not in order to recognize that you're not unworthy you need to recognize anybody who has the fantasy that you think creates worth and indicates worth isn't necessarily valuable and worthy according to your own ideas does that make sense or looking at it the other way around so let's say you are in a specific job and you decide I'm worth more because I have this job is everybody who has that job on worthy maybe some people think they're worthy that it was really hard to get that job maybe the amount of money you have indicates you are unworthy to you but somebody else might love that amount of money and be so excited to have it right and think they're so worthy that they succeeded is every child unworthy children don't make money children just take take take they don't have any skills accomplishments does that mean they're unworthy maybe you failed at a test is everyone who does well on a test worthy and valuable do they all feel worthy and valuable no just because you failed at a test or failed in a job interview that doesn't mean you're unworthy maybe it wasn't the right fit for you all right or maybe you have once you don't have certain skills that other people have so if someone's good at math and another person and let's say one person's good at math and bad at writing and the other punch person's good at writing and bad at math who's the more valuable and worthy person neither everybody has different skills no one skill is better than another and no one skill determines that we are a better person even if you think you have no skill a skill doesn't mean anything about who you are let's say I'm clapping right now am I a clapper no just something that I'm doing in a given moment it's not who I am right because I gear even when I'm not clapping so imagine now I'm the best clapper in the world does that mean I am good and worthy no that's just a skill right it's just clapping may be good but that's not who I am because I'm still here even when there's no clapping so you need to recognize whatever you think is bad about your situation it doesn't mean you're unworthy and whatever good situation you fantasize about are good qualities you fantasize about that ask yourself is everyone that's with that situation or quality or skill worthy good happy of course not nothing about the facts of your situation indicate that your own worth okay now moving on to the second point we often have this feeling of worthlessness right this feeling in our stomach usually but maybe your chest maybe your head this feeling that you say is called worthlessness I have a feeling of worthlessness and you think that feeling indicates you are worthless right but let's investigate that a little bit closer if you believe you're going to get fired from your job tomorrow what's going to happen well you'll experience anxiety a feeling in your chest let's say does that feeling in your chest mean you're going to get fired no it means you're believing a thought if you believe you're going to get fired and you're actually not you'll have anxiety that anxiety doesn't mean you're going to get fired it means you're believing a story if you actually are going to get fired but you don't know about it so you're not thinking about it you'll feel nothing is that feeling of nothing mean you're not going to get fired no facts don't create feelings thoughts do let's look at another example if you are in a relationship and you believe they love you but they're really actually cheating and you don't know about it how do you feel well you feel nothing right you feel yeah they love me you don't feel the cheating you feel your own story and if the opposite was true if you believe they're cheating but they're really not they love you but you really believe they're cheating you feel hurt sad anger this do those feelings mean that they're actually cheating on you no they really mean you're believing a story so as soon as you think that your feelings means something about reality you've got it backwards the same is true if if let's say you have a kid and they always arrive home on time but this time they're they're late you don't know where they are they're an hour late if you believe a story that says they are hurt they're dead they're in trouble you'll have us you know an upset stomach feeling scared feeling whatever does that feeling in your chest or stomach signify that they're actually hurt no it means you're believing a story and let's say the opposite was true that they actually did get hurt but you think now there should be on any minute no problem then you feel nothing even if your kid gets hurt the one you love most gets hurt you don't feel it unless you tell the story so what that means is that feelings don't prove anything about reality feelings aren't created by what's happening in reality they're created by our thoughts so if you feel worthless it's not because you actually are worth it it's it's created by a thought that says I'm worthless does that make sense the feeling of worthlessness isn't created by there being something wrong with you it's created by a thought a belief that says I am worthless on top of that the feeling itself has nothing to do with worthless there's nothing worthless about the feeling the feeling isn't even called worthless if you were actually describing the feeling what would it feel like maybe you'd say a little uneasy in my stomach or pressure in my stomach or contraction in my stomach that's a description in reality the idea that this feeling means I'm worthless or this feeling is called worthlessness isn't a part of reality if if you have a feeling in your finger like pressure in your finger or contraction in your finger and then you say that that feeling in my finger proves I'm worthless or proves I'm a failure or proves I'm stupid well where is the connection between your finger and failure where is the connection between the feeling and worthless there is no connection that's just a feeling in your finger what does that have to do with who you are so the same is true with any feeling you have in your stomach chest or and the feeling is just a feeling contraction pressure uneasy tingling whatever but nowhere in reality does that have any connection to who you are as a human being and your Worth and value okay so the feeling that you have that you call worthless it's just uneasiness in your stomach pression or contraction and it doesn't mean anything about you okay doesn't mean anything about you it's just created by believing stories in your head it doesn't mean it's not created by there being something wrong with you all right so that means it doesn't prove that you're worthless now for the third point is the idea that if I was worthy I would be happy right that there is a feeling that corresponds with worth but if I had a worthy life a valuable life I would feel this way right happy fulfilled content not like this and the fact that I feel how I do proves my life is not valuable or not worthy so if that was the case if worth created happiness then picture whatever idea you have of Worth and ask yourself is everyone in that situation happy are all famous people happy well clearly not they're going to rehab breaking up their marriages fighting all the time on reality shows is everyone with wealth happy no of course not plenty of people with wealth are depressed is everyone who works in a charity happy no many of them are angry at the world feel like they're not doing enough having anxiety whether it will ever get better is everyone that works in any job happy is everyone that has a girlfriend happy a wife happy a husband happy who has kids happy if you think those things indicate Worth and they create certain feelings look just because you have any of those situations you can still be and you almost certainly will be unhappy because everybody in all of these situations still has the same thoughts anxiety about the future anxiety about help anxiety about our chopping worrying about others opinions insecure about our personality insecure about our looks and to care about our intellect judgments about others anger at certain things sadness about the past guilty about our parenting and everything else there is no feeling that corresponds with worth whatever picture you have of worth is right look at that picture what fantasies do you have of what it would be like to be worthy and valuable what would your life look like and then ask yourself is everyone with that picture happy do they not have all the thoughts that create unhappiness of course they do everybody does so if your whatever your situation is doesn't if you're unhappy it's not created by your situation it's not created by your lack of worth it's not created by an invaluable life a none valuable life it's created by stories by thoughts that are creating your suffering just like those thoughts create suffering and all the people who you think have valuable or worthy lives happiness is not created by your idea of worth happiness is the result of seeing our thoughts clearly and anybody who has it doesn't understand their thoughts isn't investigating their thoughts they're still going to have all of the thoughts of the future thoughts about the past thoughts about others and thoughts about themselves that creates suffering and prevent us from being happy what that means is that your unhappiness your depression doesn't prove that you are worthless or your life is worthless it's just created by believing thoughts so now that we've looked at three of the major pieces of evidence for why things in our life seem to prove that were unworthy and we've sort of disbelieved that and discredited some of those notions now we can look a little deeper to see what's really going on here so what happens is we are basically taught to feel unworthy when we're young we feel completely sufficient at two years old matter how fat you are you feel completely happy and worthy until someone teaches you fat as bad skinny is good then all of a sudden if you're overweight you think I am not good enough the same goes for shy or outgoing if you're shy as a two-year-old no problem until someone teaches you shy is bad outgoing is good and then we feel insufficient so we are taught that we are insufficient the same goes with how our parents treat us when we do something good we earn their love they give us a gold star a candy a hug yay if we don't do anything we don't get anything so what we're taught from a very young age is that we need to earn people's love we need to earn worthiness earn value that as we are is completely insufficient and not good enough do you notice that right if we don't follow if we don't behave according to how our parents want they scold us they yell at us they don't give us love and affection and when we do what they want when we do the good stuff then we get love and affection so we're taught I can't just do what I want I can't just be as I am I have to achieve and accomplish things in order to deserve love in order to deserve being worthy and go down but that's not true at all we're born there well basically there is no such thing as worth you're not any more worthy now than you were when you were born and nobody is and we'll get into that in more detail but first just notice right now how that's true in your life that when were young before someone teaches you concepts of bad and good you feel completely fine and how our parents completely unintentionally taught us that we have to earn love and become good enough to get what we want so you can see that sort of manifesting and playing itself out in the real world through just this constant need to be productive that everybody has I need to be productive in every moment why because this moment isn't good enough the way that it is because I am not good enough the way that I am for most people if we're not productive we feel like almost ashamed and guilty about it because it's a waste of time if we're not productive well how you're wasting your time there just being here so what you're essentially saying is any moment that you're not improving you're wasting your time so why is it so important to improve simply because we believe we're not good enough and unworthy now everybody has that well practically everyone no matter what job they're in no matter what how whether how many friends they any of that everyone feels this constant need to try to improve because we're scared of remaining as we are because we believe we're not good enough because we believe are unworthy right we're afraid of not being productive because we're afraid of staying are insufficient unworthy selves and that's just not true right it's just well you don't see it yet but basically we all operate on this assumption I am unworthy now that we have sort of discredit sub discredited some of the ideas that prove to us that were unworthy and seeing how we're taught to feel unworthy now let's look at what unworthiness and worthiness actually is so in this moment please take a moment to close your eyes and imagine a really big beautiful house okay do that for me right now now forget about that house and imagine a really small house a Shack and picture it for me now tell me you can open your eyes which house was bigger which of the house is that you're just pictured were bigger well obviously the big house was bigger than the small house right no neither house was bigger because they're both imaginary there was no bigness or volume or mass to either of those houses because neither one exists they're completely imaginary now take a moment and close your eyes imagine a hot coal for me like a burning hot piece of coal now imagine an ice cube which one is hotter neither there is no heat coming from either of those because they're both completely imaginary now close your eyes and picture yourself as failing on a test a picture your face picture how bad it feels picture how unworthy and stupid you are now create another picture picture that you're on a sports team and you just got an out or give a turnover or made an error that cost your team the game you failed picture yourself in that situation now picture yourself in a job and you gave a presentation and you made a mistake during the middle of it that completely messed up everything and you didn't get the client are you were Duke trying to get a new client picture that picture yourself so unworthy so broken so so much of a failure okay so you just created those pictures those were imaginary right completely imaginary you just created three different pictures that only existed in your imagination they don't exist here and now and reality they only exist in your imagination now picture yourself close your eyes and picture yourself as you actually think that you are picture your own worthiness picture all the evidence for why you're unworthy picture everything you think is bad about you now tell me which is more real the pictures that I gave you the picture of the house the picture of the failed test failed client presentation failed sporting event and then the picture that you actually think is who you are they're equally imaginary the story of I am unworthy and the fake stories were just made up and pictured are exactly the same they're both only exist in our imagination they have nothing to do with reality the story of I am worthy doesn't exist in real life right it can't be measured right there's no you can't find your worthiness or unworthiness in your five senses you can't touch your worthiness you can't feel your worthiness you can't or your unworthiness you can't taste it you can't smell it you can't hear it it only exists in your imagination right next to those imaginary houses and hot coals and failed sporting events it doesn't exist in real life we have no tool in real life to measure worthiness why because it simply doesn't exist it's imaginary in any moment that you don't think I am unworthy where is unworthiness the definition of reality is that it exists even when we're not thinking about it so my nose still exists even when I stop thinking about right I'm not thinking about my nose right now and is it still there yes so right now just for a moment if your attention is on me and no thought or story about I am unworthy where is your worthiness or unworthiness what is the shape of your worthiness what is the size of your unworthiness what is the color of it what is the texture of on your own worthiness take a moment right now and really look for it in reality so in this moment where's your nose show it to me where's your shoulder show it to me now where is your worth where is something wrong with you it doesn't exist in real life there's nothing wrong with you in reality that's only a story in your imagination your job here in this mode right now is to be curious what's the difference between reality and imagination because the only thing that creates suffering is imagination the only place where I am unworthy I am terrible I am a failure I've any of these things exist is in your imagination so if you want to be free of that if you want to feel better you need to stop in this moment right now and just ask yourself what do I know to be true I know this is a hand I know it because I can directly see it feel it touch it see it okay but now show me your worth show me that you're unworthy and you may say well it's not tangible there's only two options in this world reality and imagination there's nothing in between you may say well it exists in my head really if we take an MRI of your head can we find your worth or unworthiness it doesn't exist there there is nothing worthy or unworthy about you you hear that so I'm not saying you're good I'm not saying you're worthy I'm not saying you're lovable I'm saying there's absolutely no such thing as long as you think there's there is such a thing as worth you'll think you're unworthy because there is no such thing as worth or you'll think you're not worthy enough right because you'll never know that you're worthy I know I have a hand how could I ever know that I'm worthy where would i look for that where would the evidence be in reality I can believe that I am but a belief is susceptible a belief is fragile a belief only exists when I think about it so then I'll walk through life feeling I don't know that I am worried about others opinions worrying about the next thing that I do right even if I succeed for ten years in a row and everything I do I don't know that I'll succeeded the next thing so I have to be scared even if everyone seems to love me I don't know don't continue to love me so I have to be scared there is no such thing as worth in real life you see what happens is we think there's such a thing as worthy and unworthy so what we do is we create a picture of what it would be like to be worthy what it would look like what it would feel like and then we evaluate where we fit in well I feel like this so I must not be worthy well my life looks like that so I am not worthy but you need to completely eliminate that whole scale there is no such thing as worth so you can't fit anywhere on that line okay so in this moment right now take a moment close your eyes and picture a house okay picture a house that has broken windows cracks in the floors cabinets off the hinges holes in the roof and it's just all around kind of not that nice looking now open your eyes where did that exist well that house only exists in your imagination right right now reality is you're just in a room no house here right you're just looking in my eyes nothing else happening now close your eyes and picture everything that's wrong with you picture all the things that are wrong with you close your eyes and really do that now open your eyes where did that exist where had all the things wrong with you exist not in this moment not in reality not in the room that you're in they only exist in your imagination in the exact same way as that house so what happens is you think there's all these things wrong with you perhaps and you need to fix them all but stop before you try to fix anything in your house make sure something's actually broken in real life otherwise you're just solving imaginary problems all day solve trying to fix things about you that aren't actually wrong in real life stop there's nothing wrong with you there's nothing right about you either there's nothing good about you but there's nothing bad about you because good and bad don't exist in reality if you look at this hand movement or this hand movement let's say is this a good or a bad hand movement it's neither it's just a hand movement good and bad don't exist as part of the facts if you look at my nose is this a good or a bad nose pretty or ugly it's either it doesn't exist as part of the fact each one says in their imagination pretty or ugly or somewhere in between but that doesn't exist as part of the nose we get very confused between reality and imagination everybody does because we're taught to nobody ever shows us the difference so your unworthiness your worthlessness your lack of value isn't real there's no such thing so since there's no such thing as value you can't ever feel it you can never ever feel value or worth I promise you that absolutely promise it and to help you see that for yourself imagine that you're working at a charity raising money and you think I'm doing great work I'm raising so much money to help AIDS victims I'm doing so such wonderful work I'm having value I have an impact I have worth okay imagine that but imagine that you believe that right so you're working in a charity and you think you're raising money for AIDS victims but the owner of the charity is actually taking all the money for himself and none of the money is going to eat going to AIDS victims why would you still feel worthy why would you still feel value you're not actually adding any value according to your ideas you're not actually adding any worth you're not actually having an impact but yet you feel like you do why because the value and worth are created by reality they're created by your imagination if you believe you have value in words then you feel it but that has nothing to do with the facts the facts aren't creating your feelings of I have value and worth the only thing is creating your feelings is your thoughts so let's look at the opposite example now if you work in a financial company some sort of finance company and you're making a lot of money for your company but it's owned by one guy who's really rich and you think all the money you're making for this company is just going to make this guy richer right and he's not a very nice guy so you think I have no value I'm not adding any impact to the world I'm worthless I'm not doing anything useful with my life I'm just making this rich guy richer my life is pointless even if imagine that owner is actually secretly giving all of his money to charity let's say AIDS victims all of his money is going there because he already has enough his house is paid for every single bit of his money is going to AIDS victims do you feel that no you still feel like my life is worthless and I have no value and I have no impact because you don't feel reality you only feel the story in your imagination you can never feel actual value you only feel whatever story you're telling does that make sense because if you actually felt the facts if you felt value when you gave value as if there was a real thing then in in the situation with the charity you wouldn't feel good if your owner was secretly taking the money for himself and if how you felt was factually created by value in the other situation you would feel good even though the owner was secretly giving all his money away do you see that I'll give you an example from my own life so for me my videos are seemingly impacting thousands and thousands of people this month my videos were viewed by 200,000 people so do I feel valuable and worthy no not at all the only time I would ever feel valuable and worthy is if a story pops up in my head yay because I helped so many people I am valuable and worthy but when that thought doesn't pop up in my head what do I feel nothing I don't feel anything at all as we speak right now there may be people there almost certainly are people getting impact from my videos as I'm making this video am I feeling that am i feeling any of this no I feel nothing does that make sense the only time I could feel valuable is when a story pops up in my head to say it when I'm watching TV if I'm eating if I'm talking to if I'm in nature if I'm driving am I going to feel I am worthy and valuable in every moment no never unless a thought pops up to say it but it doesn't pop up in my head because I know it's ridiculous and not true because there is no such thing as value of worth it can't be Who I am and if I think that I am valuable and worthy because other people are getting help from my videos then I'm going to be if I think when someone says a video is good that means I'm valuable then I'll think when someone says a video is bad I'll think I'm unvalued so I'll worry about others opinions I'll get defensive I'll be scared of putting out new videos because maybe they won't like this and the list goes on and on and on so or in another example if let's say you're an athlete and you win a championship is that is does that mean you're going to feel like I am worthy invaluable and a champion for the rest of your life no your the thought I am a champion isn't going to pop up in your head in every single second your experiences of life is created by what you give attention to so when you give attention to the thought I am a champion you may feel good but it's not going to be there every moment you're still gonna have all the other thoughts that create suffering value doesn't exist in real life work doesn't exist in real life it only exists when a thought pops up to say and if it only exists when I thought pops up to say it that's the definition of imagination right the definition of imagination is only exist in thoughts you can't find it in reality now that we've seen that worth and value only exists as a thought the next question right or before we get into the next question you need to clearly see what you want most in life more than anything else so as long as you think you want value and worth more than anything else there's going to be a lot of suffering because there's just a lot of insufficiency anxiety and all that other stuff so right now let me ask you the question what do you want from life more than anything else what do you want to experience more than anything else how do you want to feel what anything else what is the number one thing you want more than anything else number one okay not number two not top three it has to be only number one so you may have the idea I want to feel worthy I want to feel valuable I want to get married I want to be loved I want to have success I would have well I want to have one of those things but let me ask you a question if I give you two options two options not achieve your goal ever but be incredibly happy at peace feel loving feel joyous enthusiastic free never have killed never have anxiety never feel insecure never worry about others opinions never had anger none of that happy in every moment or achieve your goal and be incredibly unhappy be filled with anxiety anger and security judgments and all the other stuff which of those options would you choose and I know it seems like that's a false choice and it is but hypothetically if those were your two options which would you choose well for most of us if we're being really honest with ourselves and open we can admit you know what I'd rather have happiness and not achieve my goal then achieve my goal and be incredibly unhappy and what that means is that you don't actually want to achieve your goal we get confused between the means and the goal if I tell you I want ice cream I don't want ice cream I want to feel pleasure and I just happen to believe ice cream will give it to me if I say I want wealth I don't want well I want to be happy and I happen to believe wealth will give it to me right and another way to see that is simply if I say I want ice cream if it gives me pleasure but if ice cream is going to give me naj nausea and give me make me sick well then I don't want it well that means I never wanted the ice cream itself because if I wanted the ice cream itself more than anything else I'm saying I don't care if it makes me feel good or makes me feel terrible I want the ice cream right but if the truth is I want it if it makes me feel good and I don't want it if it makes me feel bad that I never wanted the ice cream I just wanted to feel good and I thought ice cream was the best bet so if I'm saying I would love wealth if it makes me happy and I don't want wealth if it's just going to make me suffer well then I don't want wealth I just want happiness so the same goes for whatever fantasy you have whatever you think you want more than anything else if you think you want success or to have a valuable worthy life more than anything else if you knew that would make you unhappy you would have wanted all you want is peace and happiness and joy and to feel enough and to feel contented enough you're lacking or lonely or worthless or all of that you just want to be at peace right so now that you if you've seen that you want peace and happiness more than anything else well then we can begin to investigate the next question which is can get in your fantasy make you happy can achieving your fantasy make you happy so take a moment to picture your fantasy picture what you want your life to look like more than anything else picture what you want how you want to look how you want to be all that stuff even if it's impossible picture what it would be like picture that now is everyone who has that happy if you had that picture that job that house that intellect that wealth that girlfriend that wife that kid are you not going to have thoughts about the future to create anxiety about your health about your marriage or you're not going to worry about whether your husband loves you are you not going to feel insecure are you not going to still have judgments about yourself judgments about others are you not going to have worries about your kid are you're not going to have problems with your coworkers are you're not going to have any of that no matter what you get no matter what you change out there it doesn't change the thoughts in your head it doesn't get rid of the thoughts it doesn't change the relationship with thoughts that's why you can find unhappy people in every situation because the situation itself doesn't do anything for us that's why you can find unhappy people with every looks if we're skinny if we're a model if we're whatever does that mean where you'll be happy no because you still have all the insecurities anxiety worries judgments and all that other stuff does that make sense so you may want to achieve something you may have achieved something small in the past and you see that makes you happy so what happens is this we need to be very very clear about why we get some happiness when we get what we want so let's say your your goal is to win a championship in a sport and it's probably not your goal but it just makes an easy example so if your goal is to win a championship and you think the way that you will be worthy and happy as if you win a championship right that's how I get work that's how I make myself happy is if I want a championship well then what you've said now is I am unworthy because I haven't won a championship right if my worth is dependent on winning a championship and I don't feel unworthy now when I haven't won one I'll feel lacking I'll feel insufficient I'll feel like something's missing on top of that I'll have fear because if I think my happiness and Worth is dependent on achieving that goal well then I'm gonna fear not getting it so I have anxiety and fear and if I think I need that to be happy there's gonna be pressure on me all the time to try to improve to try to get there to make sure that I get there constantly thinking about so in the moment that we achieve our goal in the moment that we win the championship what happens is we lost that insuk that those thoughts that say I am unworthy because I haven't won a championship right that's gone because now you've won one and you lost the fear that you'll never win one because that's gone now you have won so in that moment the moment that we get anything we want we lose the feeling of lack and the fear that was there before we achieved it so there's a big yeah a big relief a big feeling of lightness and happiness but that goes very very quickly so what happens is once that goes that feeling of no thought and that feeling of relief of those thoughts gets our attention eventually there it quickly goes right back to all the other thoughts that we always had the insecurities the worry the judgments the anger the anxiety and ever so what we assume is that was supposed to make me happy or maybe even that did make me happy but now I'm not so I need that to be happy so when someone wins a championship do they not do they say oh now I'm done no they say I need another one because they think because they can't get that the happiness back if you think success will make you happy does everyone say oh now I'm successful enough I'm now wealthy enough though they keep wanting more and more if someone says I love you to you do you say oh okay that's it no you want to keep being reaffirmed tell me you love me show me love because you don't know it because you're still unhappy whenever we think anything can make us happy since it can't after we get it when we're still not happy we assume it's because I don't have enough of it right I need more success more wealth more Championships more love more something and then we feel lacking does that make sense so no matter what you achieve so if you achieve a championship in the beginning you've experienced the loss of thoughts and the great relief and happiness but then all that you're left with is a stopped thought that says I am a champion and the only time you feel that is when a thought pops up to say and the beginning it will feel good but then it just feels normal the same goes with the promotion when you get a promotion you feel really good in the beginning and then you go right back to the same old thoughts the same goes for everything well the same goes for even like a vacation when you go on vacation does the beach make you happy no it's that whenever you're in a new place that new place acts as a stimulus or catalyst to take your attention right so your attention isn't on the thoughts that make you unhappy so you're fine but if you stay on Beach long enough are you going to stay happy no eventually all your attention will go right back to all your other thoughts so now what achievement you get no matter what you accomplish no matter what you obtain no matter any of that nothing can get rid of the thoughts in your head which means nothing can make you happy we tend to look at happiness and worth as if it's like I just put it on me I just need to get some work get some happiness but happiness is simply the absence of suffering that's why when we're a kid two three years old we're already happy because we haven't yet been taught the ideas and beliefs that make us feel insufficient and unworthy and anxiety and everything else so when you're asking yourself can that picture that fantasy of worth and value make me happy you have to ask it differently up can that picture of worth and value get rid of all the thoughts that make me unhappy and the answer is simply no it can that's impossible so if any achievement you can get can't make you happy if changing anything about yourself can't make you happy if getting anyone's love can't make you happy because it can't get rid of the thoughts and then it may seem like what hope do I have well then I'm screwed I'm just gonna stay like this no if none of those things can make you happy then that means you are not at any disadvantage right now for being happy there's nothing that you need to make you happy there's nothing that you can get to make you happy the only thing that results in happiness is seeing life clearly seeing our thoughts clearly recognizing that they're imaginary they're not real that they're not true if you have anxiety about the future well changing your situation isn't going to get rid of that what's going to get rid of that is identifying the thoughts that create your anxiety questioning them and discovering their actual real and then you're free suffering is created by thoughts so if you want to lose your suffering you have to look at your thoughts and understand them more clearly so that's what a person in any situation whatever your picture of worth and value is whether they have our CEO or owned a charity or are a life coach or are married or have kids or anything none of that can make them happy so if they want to be happy they have to do the exact same thing you have to do look at the thoughts creating their suffering in question there's nothing that makes your situation any more difficult or more easy to be happy and be free there's nothing about your situation that means that you're worthless there's nothing about you that is worthless why because there's no such thing as worth in real life there's no such thing as value in real life you are not unworthy look where is it I'm looking right at you where's your worth where is your value show it to me is it here is it here show me where you're lacking something do the reality check where's my nose where's my phone where's my computer where something wrong with me in real life or an imagination as long as you're looking for your problems in your imagination you'll always find one you can always create something wrong you see because if you don't if mine doesn't convince you something's wrong then you're not going to give any attention to mind right if there's nothing wrong now then there's nothing you have to fix and then no reason to give attention to mind and mind doesn't want that mine wants your attention mine wants to stay alive so it keeps creating imaginary problems imaginary things that are wrong with you so you keep engaging and trying to fix it all day long but your feelings in your stomach the feelings that you think means you're worthless they don't they're just feelings nothing about them suggests worthlessness the feelings are not created by facts are created by thoughts your unhappiness not created by your situation or anything being wrong with you it's created by thoughts okay so I hope this video makes sense I hope you found it helpful and please let me know how it goes in the comments area thanks for watching bye hello again if you found my video helpful or you enjoyed it I welcome you to click on one of the videos below as you might find them helpful as well or if you want to make sure you never miss another video of mine again you can click the subscribe button over there and if you want my free ebook you're welcome to click the free ebook button over there so thanks again for watching and I'll see you around bye you

Channel: Noah Elkrief

Views: 203,667

Keywords: Depression (Symptom), Health (Industry), noah elkrief, noahelkrief, how to deal with depression, depression

Id: kbvYtywgQIs

Length: 48min 14sec (2894 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 07 2015