How To Deal With Anxiety - Immediate Anxiety Relief

[Music] hello my name is Noah elef and in this video I'm going to talk to you about how to deal with anxiety so anxiety is such a common issue in our society that a lot of us tend to feel as though it is inev as though certain situations you just have to have anxiety in or you're just destined to have anxiety in a large portion of your life well I'm here to tell you and more importantly show you that you don't have to live with anxiety that there's no situation which needs to have anxiety that no matter how long you've had anxiety how frequently you've had anxiety or how intense your anxiety is you don't have to have any of it and if you see or if you understand and address the cause of your anxiety which I will show you how to do in this video your anxiety will be gone there will be none left I've seen it happen time and time again so I'm going to be talking about three different types of anxiety in this video one is the anxiety of not getting what you want two is the anxiety of losing something good that you have and three the anxiety of something bad happening in the future there is another type of anxiety social anxiety which I'm not going to talk about in this video because that is a topic in and of itself so in order to address the cause of your anxiety you first have to be clear about one very important thing and that is what do you want most in life what do you want more than anything else what is the number one most important thing you hope to have experience get in life not the top few number one see most of us never ask that question to ourselves and if we do the answer that I usually here in my one-on-one sessions is I want success wealth power respect love marriage relationship kids to fulfill my potential to find my purpose to have an impact so one of those answers might resonate with you but let's take it one step deeper one step closer to what you really want so let me ask ask you a question if you got what you wanted most assuming it's one of those things I just mentioned or something similar if you got what you want most how would you expect to feel well you'd expect to feel satisfied content peaceful happy right you want to achieve these goals of yours or whatever you think is most important because you hope it will make you happy so what that means is that whatever goal you had have whatever the real reason why you want it is just cuz you hope to make you happy so your goal is actually not the goal it is the means right what you want is happy to be happy and you just hope that achieving your goal will get you there so when I ask you what do you want most more than anything else the truth is you just want to be at peace you just want to be okay with yourself you just want to feel whole like nothing is missing you just want to stop suffering to stop having anxiety worries shame insecurities you just want to be at peace and you hope that getting what you want will get you peace to make that clear if I give you two op options achieve what you want in life but be unhappy have all the same anxiety worry shame judgments anger or not achieve what you want in life and be happy and in peace in every moment which would you choose well I suspect that if you're being really honest with yourself you'll see that what you really want is peace more more than you want your goal and I'm not saying you can't have your goal and peace I'm just pointing out what do you want most more than anything else because if you don't recognize that what you want is peace and happiness more than anything else then your energy and attention and effort will constantly be on things that can't give you peace and happiness okay and there's another reason too which I'll get to in a moment so do you see that what you want most is peace and happiness more than anything else in your life that is what you want most because that's a necessary uh Discovery in order to progress in this video if you don't discover that pause this video now and really inquire about that really see if there's something you want more than peace and happiness okay so now let's move on to the first type of anxiety so the first type of anxiety is the anxiety about getting what you want so most of us right most of us when we are unhappy or not fulfilled or not content we assume it is because something is wrong or insufficient about our life or ourselves so we naturally form the conclusion that getting what I want will make me happy or in other words it would be best if I get what I want it would be best if I get the girl get the promotion get the job get the house get the car get the something it would be best if I got that see what happens as soon as you form a goal of any kind and you believe that is what is best for your life you automat atically come to the conclusion that any other outcome is worse and as soon as you form a worse outcome you automatically start to fear that outcome all this happens unconsciously underneath the surface if you think it's best for your life to get the promotion you'll think it's worse not to and you'll fear not getting it if you think it's best to get an A you'll fear not getting it if you think it's best to get the girl you'll fear not getting it if you think it's best to get anything you will fear not getting it so the question you need to ask yourself in order to not fear not getting what you want the question you have to ask is do I know that achieving a particular outcome would be best for my life do I know okay look I'll give you an example so let's say you want the promotion at work that's what you want and so you're afraid of not getting it because you think that would be best for your life but what do you want most in life remember peace happiness so do you know that the promotion will make you happier how could you possibly know you never had that job when we talk about getting what we want we automatically assume I'll be happier there but how could you know if you'd be happier there if you never even been there if you never even experienced that job that school that grade that girlfriend that anything how could you possibly know if you never had it so the first question is how do you know you like it the second question is do you know what all the effects are of getting that particular outcome do you know what all the effects are of getting that particular outcome maybe if you get the promotion you'll have to work longer hours or you'll have more responsibility which stresses you out more or maybe your new coworker you'll start fighting with all the time or maybe you'll get a new client that you'll have to manage and they give you a hell or maybe when you get the promotion you have to go to work earlier and you get into a car accident do you know what all the effects are of getting the promotion you see when we think of getting what we want we create a fantasy that negates or uh dismisses or doesn't look at all of the negatives our fantasies only include the positives if I get the promotion everything will be great but really how do you know how could you possibly know how do you know you'll like it how do you know there won't be some negative effects from it how do you know but beyond that taking a step back from even that if you get the promotion what are you no longer going to have anxiety about the future are are you no longer going to have anxiety about losing your job are you no longer going to have worries about others opinions insecurities about yourself problems in your relationship everything that created suffering before you got what you want will still be there after you get what you want more or less right so if you can discover that I don't know whether getting what I want is best for me then you have no outcome to fear which is better for you getting the promotion or not well if you don't know which outcome is better for your life then there's nothing to fear there's nothing to have anxiety about anxiety is only created in this particular scenario when you believe one outcome is best and therefore every other outcome is bad but how do you know when you recognize you know what I would like that outcome but I don't know whether it's best maybe if I stay in this job I'll meet the girl of my dreams or maybe I'll interact with a client who gives me the job of my dreams not just a promotion year or maybe I don't know but that's the truth I don't know when we think getting what I want is best for me we're operating under an assumption that we have no idea whether it is true or not no idea so that's the first type and that's how to deal with it when ever you think getting what you want is what is best for you you will have anxiety if you want to stop having anxiety all you need to do is ask questions about that particular outcome in order to discover you know what I don't know whether that would be best for my life I don't know whether that will make me happiest I don't know okay so moving on to the second type of anxiety the second type of an anxiety is the anxiety we feel when we think we have something that making us happy and we are scared to lose it all right so I'll give you an example if you have a a girlfriend and you think she is making you happy then you'll be afraid to lose her right anytime that you believe some factual thing in your life is creating happiness then you will fear losing that thing because remember what you want most in life is happiness so if you credit your happiness to something external then the possibility of losing that external thing will create fear you may think you really want your girlfriend or whatever else you have like I just really want her but what you really want is to be happy and you happen to think they make you happy so in order to stop fearing the outcome of losing what you have you have to recognize that your happiness is not created by what you have and that you don't know whether it will be better or worse for your life to lose what you have so in the instance of a girlfriend okay let's say you think she makes you so happy it's so great but let's take a real look at the situation okay if she created happiness then you would be happy in every single moment that she was your girlfriend but is that the case I don't know you but I am sure that it's not do you no longer have insecurities about yourself do you not worry about whether she loves you do you not get jealous about whether she's with somebody else do you not worry about losing her do you not have issues in your job do you not have all the different thoughts that create unhappiness of course you do of course you do what happens is that when she is around there's a few different reasons why you experience some pleasure or happiness one is you get to tell yourself my life I am lovable and my life is good because she loves me and that's a positive thought right if she loves me that means I am worthy and that creates some pleasure but it also creates worry because as long as you think her love means you're worthy you will believe that if she doesn't love you you are unworthy so even in the midst of that pleasure there is anxiety in addition there is happiness when you are around each other sometimes when there's not arguments and anxiety because she distracts you from your own thoughts right so when you're doing anything playing a sport watching a movie engaging with somebody it distracts you from the thoughts in your head which leaves you happier for the time being you know the thing itself isn't creating happiness because sometimes you're with the girl and you're unhappy if they created happiness then as soon as you were with her you would automatically be happy in every second but that's not the way reality works is it so what you have creates happiness because you have a positive thought this means something about me my job means I'm successful and I don't want to lose that my job or my girlfriend or something distracts me from thoughts and you like that distraction right or what happens is uh if you re if you thought if you felt really lonely and insufficient because you didn't have a girlfriend you believe having a girlfriend or being married or something along those lines is the key to happiness then when you're single you feel insufficient my life something is missing I don't have something then when you get a girlfriend when you get a husband you lose the thought which says something is missing from my life because I don't have a relationship marriage so when you get married you lose that thought right but you have all these new thoughts of losing them and and they are not good enough and disappointing and why don't they do this and why don't they do that and why don't they like them you have all these new thoughts but when you achieve a goal you also lose a couple of thoughts the thoughts that made you happy along the unhappy along the way right so the question is does what you have actually create happiness and the simple answer is no it got rid of a couple negative thoughts it added some negative thoughts it distracts you from thoughts and it gives you a couple positive thoughts but all in all you're not in peace you still have anxiety you still have worry you still have insecurities you still have shame you still have judgments you still have arguments you still have every type of suffering so obviously they don't create happiness whatever you have so if you lose what you have do you know that you won't be happier and it may seem obvious of course I'll be unhappier I'll be hurt I'll be this I'll be that but I'm asking you in the long run how do you know no like I know this is a hand you believe that it would be bad for your life but do you know how could you you don't know what all the effects are other things can distract you other things can give you positive thoughts or you could just directly address the thoughts in your head like we're doing now and then you don't need anything to be in peace to lose your anxiety okay so that is the second type of anxiety the third type of anxiety that we're going to speak about here is the anxiety of a bad outcome happening in the future so this is the idea that it would be bad if I get injured if they get injured if I lose my job if they break up with me if some outcome in the future would be bad so for example it would be bad if I get fired from my job so the first thing we have to ask again is what do I want most in life Peace So when I'm saying it would be bad for something to happen in the future what I'm actually saying is I am it will make me unhappy if that outcome happens right that's what we're really saying it would be bad if it happened is another way to say it would make me unhappy if that happened so the way to look at it is very simple if you were let's let's imagine a scenario where someone told you some you're in a job and you like it right but someone approaches you and says I have a job offer for you and I'll pay you twice as much as you're currently making and I'll give you more vacation days and and you'll like the job better than the one you have now but in order to take the new job you have to get fired from your current job so of course you want to get fired right because then you could get the new job which is better so getting fired if that was a bad thing then just having different thoughts about it couldn't get rid of your anxiety does that make sense if you get fired from your job it would seem that's so terrible but if you knew that it would lead to a better job that pays twice as much then you obviously wouldn't fear getting fired because that would be considered a good outcome for your life it would be considered good for your happiness right but obviously that's not happening in real life that's just a hypothetical scenario right in real life it seems it would be bad but here's the question for you how do you know do you know with absolute certainty what all the effects are of getting fired your mind just thinks of all the negatives right I won't have as much money it'll be so hard I like it here I'll have to start all over this that but how do you know how do you know that if you don't if you lose your job you won't find a better one one that pays more how do you know that if you take off if you get fired you won't discover that that job wasn't right for you and you'll find something else that was so much more closely aligned with what you truly want want how do you know that if you get fired you won't uh read a book that makes you so much happier and changes your life or you meet a girl that changes your life or you meet a best friend or something how do you know do you know what all the effects are of getting fired or having whatever bad outcome you think of do you know what all the effects are can you think of a few possible good effects that could come from whatever bad outcome you're thinking of and if it's somebody else getting hurt or whatever it might seem so selfish to think about the good effects that's selfish it's not selfish it's not hurting them it's not hurting anyone to think of the good effects of a potential bad outcome it's just the truth you don't know whether it's bad or good and when you discover for yourself I don't know then you're free as long as you believe that a specific outcome would be bad for your life and make you unhappy no matter what you're going to fear that outcome but if you're willing and open and honest enough to truly ask the question can I think of a few possible good effects then you will be shocked by the loss of anxiety you will be shocked okay so now taking a step back from those three types anxiety seems to be created by our situation it seems to be a product of facts and circumstances but it is not and the way to know that is simply when you're think about the future there's anxiety but in any moment that there's distraction TV food talking to someone anxiety goes but if I tell you right now think about the the bad outcome think about what you don't want to happen how do you feel stress tension anxiety right if the facts created your anxiety you would have that anxiety and every moment the facts were the same but yet you don't in some moments there's anxiety your job in some moments there's not that means your job doesn't create anxiety the only thing that creates anxiety is thoughts more specifically a thought that says one outcome would be best and one outcome would be bad and if you want to lose your anxiety all that's required is a brutal honesty and investigation to discover I don't know whether it would be better or worse for a particular outcome to happen in other words I don't know how I would be happier considering that thoughts are the only thing that creates suffering thoughts create anxieties worries shame judgments anger sadness disappointment and how how do I know what outcome will lead to what change in thoughts and more importantly you can address any thoughts directly rather than needing a particular outcome to go your way in order to be in peace that's the opposite of Freedom your happiness being dependent on everything out there going exactly how you want it to go that is suffering so if you want to lose the anxiety simply question whether a particular outcome is good or bad for your own happiness in the long run okay so I hope you found this video helpful and I will see you on the next video thanks for watching hello again if you found my video helpful or you enjoyed it I welcome you to click on one of the videos below as you might find them helpful as well or if you want to make sure you never miss another video of mine again you can click this subscribe button over there and if you want my free ebook you're welcome to click the free ebook button over there so thanks again for watching and I'll see you around bye

Channel: Noah Elkrief

Views: 702,277

Keywords: Anxiety (Symptom), noahelkrief, how to, Anxiety Disorder (Disease Or Medical Condition), anxiety relief, noah elkrief, Anxiety (Disease Or Medical Condition), Health (Industry), Stress Management (Field Of Study), how to deal with anxiety

Id: INjd5ue_YhI

Length: 25min 20sec (1520 seconds)

Published: Wed May 14 2014