(cheerful upbeat music) (bell chiming) - [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers, and welcome back to another video. If you're a new here, welcome to Psych2Go. Confidence, some people are born with an innate streak of confidence, whilst it takes a little time for others to develop confidence as they develop from children into adults. But there will be times when your confidence takes a knock, right? It's common to feel like you wish your confidence was better. While other things that are out of control may impact your confidence,
such as other people, it's important to know which
things you are in control of and how you can prevent yourself from destroying your own confidence. So here are nine habits that
are destroying your confidence. Number one, you care too much
about what other people think. How many times have you said to yourself: - [Cartoon] "I don't care what
other people think about me." - [Amanda] Honestly, the tally isn't quite encouraging, is it? (Cartoon laughing)
- [Cartoon] No. - [Amanda] That's okay. It's common to care about
what other people think, especially if we're
trying to impress them. As human beings, you want to be liked and respected by others. However, when you value
other people's thinking and opinion above your own and change your behavior to reflect what you think others want to see, you're doing more harm
than good for yourself. Number two, negative thinking. - [Cartoon] I'm not good enough. I can't do this. - [Amanda] You've had one too many of those days, haven't you? - [Cartoon] Uh-huh. - [Amanda] You become what you think. If you always think you're not good enough then you'll never be confident. Do you have thoughts that you
can never get that promotion even though you are qualified? That's negative thinking. Indulging in pessimism creates
a self-fulfilling prophecy. - [Cartoon] Oh boy. - [Amanda] Yeah, you're
gradually destroying your self-confidence with
all of these thoughts. Reframing those negative thoughts to say, "I am good enough to get this job "and I need to show my skills," can reinforce a more positive mindset. It's crucial to focus on what you can do instead of worrying about the outcomes that you can't control. Number three, social media living. Do you compare your lifestyle with your friends on social media? Or how many times have you thought that your social media life
is better than your own life? The pretty pictures people
paint on social media, as we know, are not always
as they appear to be. If you consistently find yourself comparing yourself to others and living in your own version of reality, and only putting out what
you want the world to see, then you may notice that this has an impact on your confidence in the real world. Once you start to understand that this is not what
everyday lives are like then you should start
to feel more grounded. Number four, self-deprecating talk. When you diminish what you do you're taking shots at
your self-confidence. If every time you speak in a personal or professional setting, and you say that you're not that great, you're diminishing your worth and value. When you're constantly communicating that you're not that great, it's bound to make you
feel less than confident. Writer C.S. Lewis once said, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself "but it's thinking of yourself less." So remember that and try not to confuse humility with self-deprecation. Number five, the blame game
is your favorite sport. When you find yourself in a situation that you are not happy with, such as the job that you hate, do you tend to find excuses
and blame everybody else or everything else for what is happening? This destroys your self-esteem and you feel less confident about being able to manage your situation. You'll need to develop an exit
plan for your self-esteem. In his video, How To
Beast explains this idea of blaming acts as a defense mechanism. So rather than pass the blame, taking ownership of your situation should jumpstart your
confidence, fingers crossed. Number six, you set the
bar low for yourself. When you disclaim, "I'm
not very good at this, "so don't have any expectations." It immediately makes others
question your ability. Disqualifying yourself
verbally reassures you that others won't have
high expectations from you and won't be disappointed. But by setting yourself at this level, naturally your confidence
is going to be low as is your sense of value. So when you put confidence on it it instills confidence in
others about you as well. Number seven, thinking that
you don't have anything to say or contribute to a discussion. Why don't you tend to get
involved in conversations at work or at social events? Is it because you don't believe that you have anything meaningful to add? - Maybe. - [Amanda] Well, this too is
destroying your confidence, as you may feel like people will be bored of what you have to say or that they'll think
that you're not smart. - Yeah, or they'll make fun of me. - [Amanda] This is a story
that you've told yourself and you've started to
believe that it's true. It may be that the topic of conversation is not something that you're
particularly interested in or know a lot about, but it should not be allowed
to cost you your confidence. Okay, number eight. You dismiss compliments. Guilty as charged, right? - [Cartoon] Mm-hmm. - [Amanda] Yeah, me too. We often receive compliments by deflecting or shying away from accepting them because we're embarrassed or
we don't believe the comment. By deflecting, we're not
only selling ourselves short but challenging the judgment
of the person complimenting us. - [Cartoon] Uh-oh. - [Amanda] Accepting
compliments graciously doesn't make you an egomaniac. We can accept compliments graciously and take them on board when
developing our confidence. And number nine, ruminating. Ever find yourself repeatedly going over what you didn't get right or situations you didn't like? An example of this may be that you continuously
think about something you said during a presentation
to your work colleagues. Rumination is taking thinking to another dimension altogether. Even though thinking is considered necessary for problem-solving, ruminating is focused on the problem and not on finding the solution. In her article for Forbes,
Jamie Kaluga wrote that "When you ruminate on your poor decisions "or setbacks consistently,
even the most confident people "can struggle at times and
it's perfectly normal." You are unique individuals
with different skills. So use them to your advantage. Using positive affirmations
every day where possible can help to remind you of your strengths and what you want to develop. Do any of these describe your experience? Or did any of these points describe you? If you have any comments or
feedback regarding this video, please leave them in
the comment box below. We love hearing back from our viewers and your feedback is so important for us when we're creating content at Psych2Go. If you found this video helpful, be sure to hit the like button and share it with those out there diminishing their confidence
due to their own habits. Don't forget to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification
bell for more new videos. As always, thanks for watching. See you next time.
