How to deal with a difficult child?

hello everyone today i'm going to be talking about children that are difficult transforming children that are difficult how many of you have children who misbehave children that are difficult children that do not listen children that disrespect maybe they embarrass you when you're in public they fight they yell they tantrum they don't want to do their schoolwork they lack discipline they have emotional issues does every family have one of those children i don't know but i did and today i'm going to share with you how i transformed one of my most difficult children who is now one of my nicest children by far and i'm not going to claim that i have all the answers and i'm not going to claim that what i did is going to work with you but i wanted to share this with you because i know that a lot of what i'm going to share today can help so many people so let's talk about this so one of my children i'm not going to say who it is because i want to preserve their privacy um when i brought one of my babies home she became one of my most difficult children she would um she completely regressed didn't want to use the potty anymore and she would um she became like a little monster type of child where she would um mistreat her siblings she would yell she would tantrum and cry for hours and nothing that i did nothing that i did would suit this child i was at lost i was already going through a hard time having a newborn and then having to deal with this was really breaking me and it brought me to a really dark corner i got to a point where i i didn't want to go out anymore because this child would literally embarrass me in public with the way that she behaved with the way that she treated other people and i i really got to a point where i thought i need to maybe talk to my pediatrician maybe there's something wrong with this child maybe maybe there's more maybe this child has some type of you know other type of issue that needs to be resolved um so i did i talked to my pediatrician and she said you know give us some time you know there's a new baby in the home and time passed and this child just kept getting worse and i tried so many different things and nothing worked and i got to a point where i asked god god what can i do god help me with this child and then i started looking within and i started seeing like the darkness in me that was reflecting on her and how she was a reflection of me in so many different ways and so before i go into that i want to go ahead and first establish a main thing that you need to do with difficult children the number one thing that you need to establish with difficult children is they need to have boundaries so difficult children need to have consequences for their misbehavior that is number one in fact if you don't do this then nothing else is going to work so you need your children need to have consequences for their behavior and what do i mean by this if a child for example is um throwing blocks and you ask them to stop and they don't stop and they continuously throw the blocks and make a mess everywhere and and they're not listening you need to give them a consequence and i usually try to attach the consequence have the consequence be something that's related to what they're doing so if they're throwing blocks i take the blocks away if they are banging a toy um and i tell them to stop then i take the toy away if they don't stop if they're playing with food on the table with water on the table and they're and they're not stopping when i ask them to stop then that water that that food goes away for a little bit so there's always a consequence with the child's behavior there needs to be consequences because if there's not then your words will not have meaning to that child and they will not respect you if you're playing in a park and the child is misbehaving and you keep telling the child if you keep doing that we're gonna go home you need to follow through and you need to go home if a child is in a playdate and they're misbehaving you need to take that child and you need to go home or pull that child and have them sit next to you for a little bit there needs to be consequences for the children's behavior let me give you another example my children love sculpting and um i have been telling them when you're done sculpting you need to put your things away when you're done and they they go ahead and sculpt and they leave other mess on the table and here i'll i will be picking every little piece of clay off the floor on my knees and picking everything up making it all neat but i wasn't teaching my children anything by doing that so what did i do the next time that they sculpted i told them again please pick up your things when you're done sculpting and again they went ahead and sculpted they left the other mess so what did i say because you didn't pick up all of your things after you sculpted there were no there will not be any more sculpting for the next few days and that was a big deal for them because they love sculpting and they sculpt every day and they spend hours doing this stuff and they have projects that they're doing at the moment at the moment they were doing projects that they wanted to finish and that they wanted to glaze and they wanted to do things with and guess what they didn't get to do it and they were upset and they were hurt about that and that's okay because that's a consequence in life there's always going to be consequences even when you're an adult when you're in college you have to there's going to be consequences when if you don't hand in that paper there's going to be consequences if you run over that red light there's consequences in life and this is what you want to teach your children so what happened was that after that every time after they sculpt everything is put back into the little basket that i've assigned for and it's never a problem anymore but that is because i assigned the consequence to that behavior there needs to be a consequence the consequence does not need to be harsh in fact it shouldn't be harsh you shouldn't punish a child for a whole month you're grounded for a whole month or i'm gonna take the tv for a whole week it's just you don't want to make it too harsh because then it's unfair number one and you're gonna break the bond and number two they will resent you you don't want that you want to make the consequence something that is something reasonable that you can follow through with and that is not going to completely like take that child off course like you know so i have a video that i made more on on how to get children to listen to you and how the things that i use and and um one of my favorite books i'm going to link it below the video and also the book because i don't want this video just to be about about boundaries um so once you have established that there's always going to be consequences for your bad behavior there's boundaries that you cannot break there is discipline in that home the next step and this is the next step that i needed for the child that i was having issues with because i had the consequences down and this is the second step it was bonding with that child bonding with your children it is very very important that you bond with your children that you talk to your children throughout the day that you do things together whether it's board games whether it's playing catch outside playing with dolls hiking baking together we do drawing tutorials together um from youtube we do it together we all have our little journals we like sculpting together since my kids love riding bikes i recently um got one of those tandem bike attachments and we ride together and it's really a bonding experience for us there's so many things you can do with your children um i really admire seeing people that take the time to bond with their children i would um when i lived in a town a few years ago i would see i lived like in an indian community and i i saw how they spent time walking with their children every day in the afternoons they all went together for walks as families and i i really thought that was beautiful um i see some of my neighbors they play catch with their kids they go walking with their kids there are people that spend time with their children that's truly truly valuable and i encourage you to spend time with your children every day bonding and i know we all have our schedules but even if it's just having a conversation children also enjoy for you to sit down and watch what they're watching they love that they love that even if you sit down and watch your favorite cartoons with them they love that that's bonding as well i'm so very important to bond with the children so that's what i did with this child i actually set out a timer every day for 20 minutes and i know it seems like a little like oh that's all you spend with that child well those 20 minutes was life-changing for that child for those 20 minutes i would have that child on my lap and i would sing to her and i would and i would um read to her just her her individual attention i would play on the floor with her with her little dolls anything that she wanted to play with i spent that time just with her i also use something called play therapy um i got a lot of information from this book and i'm going to link it below this really good book about play therapy basically is where you act out a problem that the child is going through through play so for example like if if that child was dealing with tantrums i would be a little figurine and was having a tantrum and she would solve that as an adult like she would be the adult parent solving that little child that's having a tantrum so we would act things out within the play um we would act things out that she was already dealing with and that way she was able to deal with those emotions through play and i was able to teach her through play how this little figurine should behave and how things should be and it wasn't like me just talking down to her it was we're playing and it was really fun that way so we did a lot of that um again we did a lot of bonding together a lot of i would have this child next to me i would take her involve her and everything i started involving her helping me take the baby a bath when i was washing the dishes she would be there i would put her little seat there and she would be washing the dishes with me and so she became my little buddy i brought her back to my bed and she slept next to me i started just filling this child up with so much love another thing that i did was that three times a day i would get down to her level and i would tell her i love you i really really love you you're special and i will tell her good things about her it's really important that you tell your children good things that you that they hear good things about themselves um so when you see a child do something good bring it up i liked how you were sharing with your sister i like how you're playing with your sister i like how you picked up your dish after you finished eating oh i love that picture that you drew i love those eyes you drew so just bring those things and um that the child is doing that are good don't focus on the bad don't constantly tell your children bad things don't put labels on them they're lazy they don't have good attention span they don't want to do their work they're not smart they have an attitude when you're placing labels on children or they're mean or whatever it is when you place a label on that child they're going to embody that they're going to become that even more so so you don't want to focus on negativity you want to focus on positive reinforcement i know you you probably have heard of it and it's very very powerful to focus on the good things that that child has and constantly tell them about the good things focus on the good things and they'll do more of it it's very important that you that you watch the way that you speak to your children how are you speaking to them are you speaking to them with a condescending tone are you shaming them are you name-calling are you bullying them are you talking to them with respect you want to talk to your children as if you would talk to a dear friend as if you would talk to jesus himself you want to talk to children with love and respect that doesn't mean that you're not going to enforce your boundaries because you can be firm but you can still be sweet in your tone and you can still be respectful so when i talk about respect you want to respect children for example let's say a child is watching something you don't want to just be like okay i'm turning it off we're moving on to the next thing have respect give the child a heads up we're moving on to doing this in the next 10 minutes we're going i'm going to be turning off the television or in the next 10 minutes we're going to be leaving the park um also if a child is eating something don't just go and take their food and start eating it ask them can i have a little bit of that just watch how you treat that child because the way that you treat them is the way that they're going to treat you and the way that they're going to treat others around them with the the more respect and the more love that you treat them that is the way that they're going to be with you so i i had to i had to face that i needed to change a lot of things within myself so that i i saw a change in my children so i started i changed the way that i spoke to my children my tone of voice changed and i started seeing their tone of voice change and i couldn't believe how sweet they sounded to me and how sweet this child was becoming and it was because i changed me first children are a reflection of us children are a mirror of us so if we want to change them the first thing that we need to do is we need to change ourselves we need to change ourselves um the way that you speak to your children matters it matters and it's very very important let's talk a little bit about yelling and hitting and i'm going to address this very shortly in my video because i feel that it needs to be addressed yelling and hating is violence no matter what what way you put it there's nothing positive about it yelling is a violent behavior hitting is a violent behavior and when you do these things you're teaching your child to settle their differences with violence you're teaching your child violence you're teaching them to be violent and another thing that you're doing is you're breaking the bond between you and that child which is one of the worst things that you can do because when you have a bond with your children you have more influence over them when you have a bond with your children they're more likely to respect you to listen to you to want to cooperate to want to follow your instructions because they trust you and they love you and they want to please you but when you yell when you hate when you shame when you name call you're breaking that bond with that child and that is one of the worst things that you can do sooner or later if you hit and yell that child is going to be doing the same thing that you do and they're going to be doing it to their friends to strangers they're going to be doing it to you so don't ever resort to those things if you are one of those people then you need to go away from that and if you feel that you have to get help then get help um the last thing that i'm going to say that helped so much with my child that needed help and with all my children was prayer so when i would give a child the consequence like sending them to their room or putting them on timeout when i put them on timeout i usually set them next to me almost like a time in you're sitting right there next to me um or i would send them to their room whatever it is that you want to use but afterwards i would pray with that child this was transforming because when i prayed with the child i prayed to god god help this child not have tantrums help this child be kind help this child be able to share whatever the problem that they were put on time out for i would pray over that child i pray for their kindness i pray that they may be respectful towards their siblings i pray that this child will not do this again and whatever that child was battling with i prayed to the lord to help us to help this child with whatever they were battling with to give them a spirit of kindness a spirit of love and when i prayed for them i saw so much change so much transformation happen so i would pray with them and i would have them repeat after me asking god for these qualities i also would pray for my children at night i would ask god um to help my children with whatever they were battling with and god has been so faithful because that child that would cry for hours that no one could console that child that was mean that child that would hurt their siblings that would hurt other people that would not share that child is one of my most sweetest children and if you would meet this child you would see that in her and i'm not going to say that this child is perfect because we all have problems in this life no one is perfect i'm not perfect i'm constantly trying to grow myself and wait seeing ways that i could improve myself as a mother and my children are too but this child has transformed so much and whenever this child is having her issues i go back to that bonding i go back to that bonding again and i ask her a lot of times do you need a hug do you want mommy to give you a hug that's one thing i ask her a lot and she loves that and i go and i give her a hug and she absolutely loves that we sometimes underestimate the need for love the need for a hug the need for touch and children need that um so again let's recap the video so number one is boundaries without boundaries your child will be lost your child will be uh without discipline um the second thing is bounding bonding it's very important that you fill that child up with love that you see what you are doing and how you are treating that child and that you may change yourself so that that child could be a reflection of you because that's what they are they're truly a reflection of us and number three prayer pray for your children god is there to help us through the difficult times with our children and he is a faithful god and he is going to help you in your problems in your times of need so seek to god to help you because we cannot do it through our own strength i'll tell you i thought i could do it through my own strength and i was humbled i was very humbled so i hope you have enjoyed this video i'm going to link below the video where i talk more about how to get your children to listen to you at go into more in depth and steps i'm also going to link below a video that i um a book that i really love that is called um it's about boundaries it's about boundaries with your strong-willed children and it talks about how to establish boundaries and consequences with children this has been a life-changing book for me that i always go back to anything else that i mentioned the video is going to be linked below in the description box remember to subscribe to my channel for any more videos also subscribe to my email list because um this this channel is really a ministry of mine and i and i'm not always making videos but every time i put out a video i will send it to your email when i when i make it so go ahead and subscribe to my email list so that i can send you the video um when i make them thank you so much for watching i'm looking forward to sharing so much more with you guys um if there's anything else that you guys want to share go ahead and go over to my community tab where you can leave all your comments i'm looking forward to to hearing from you share with others things that you have done with your difficult children that has helped i would love to hear that and i'm sure others would too um it was great talking with you until the next video bye you

Channel: Jady A.

Views: 60,366

Rating: 4.9443364 out of 5

Keywords: difficult children, children behavior issues, behavior modification, homeschooling, homeschool

Id: eBmWpntXJWU

Length: 21min 31sec (1291 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 20 2020