Bonding and Connecting with Children

hello everyone and today we're going to be talking about bonding and connecting with children and this is such an important topic because more than any other time in society we are so disconnected from our children and it's really sad because i i got these questions from you guys and um so i got these questions how can i bond with my children how can i connect with my children and as sad as it sounds that we need to know these things that we need to relearn these things as a society it is something that can be done even if we haven't done it so today i'm going to be talking about bonding with your children how to bond with your children how to set this foundation starting with a baby if you didn't do it with the baby how to do it with a toddler if you didn't do with the toddler how to do it with a child that's elementary try to do with your older kids and how bonding has a a an effect on children so let's talk about this let's start from the beginning and so bonding starts in the womb um so it starts you have this baby in your belly and you talk to your belly you caress your baby you have this there's a bond there's an umbilical cord this baby is attached to you um then the baby's born the ideal thing is that the baby is born in a natural birth they're not separated from mom at birth and the baby goes directly to breastfeeding and then the baby goes directly to co-sleeping with mom staying close with mom that's what i've done with my kids i talk about co-sleeping i talk about that i do not use the cry out method i think it's detrimental and i made a whole video about that i'll link it below in the description box but instead you have your child right next to you in a little crib or in a pack and play in a co-sleeper so important to have your kids right close to you and their babies [Music] and then as children um become toddlers um what i do is i involve them and all the things that i do so my toddlers help me with the laundry i they tag along with me to the kitchen and help me um when i'm preparing meals i have them getting involved in putting the measurements and the recipes and helping me mix things because they love being involved they love practicing being an adult at the same time you're bonding with them another thing that i love doing with my toddlers is that i turn on the sink just to trickle and i have them there just practicing washing the dishes playing with the water they're just there with me in the kitchen i want them to be close as i cook as i do things in the kitchen and it's really something that i've done with all of my kids they love the sink and they love being there with me in the sink and unfortunately we live in a culture where the bonds are broken really early on we have a culture that babies are born unnaturally a lot of them are not breastfed so they bottle feed these babies and then they move these babies to their own rooms with a camera and a monitor and they do the cry out method which is terrible and i've talked about it in my video i'll link it below i made a whole video on that not a good thing to do because it breaks the bond um and then the mom has to go back to work there's a separation there another trauma for that child the mom has to go back to work and the child is placed in a daycare um with a nanny hopefully with a person that they can see every day because children need to see the same person every day to attach to one person every single day um and then after that the child goes to school and they spend so many hours in school when they get out of school they have aftercare by the time they get home they are spending maybe four three to four hours with their parents and how much of that time is actually bonding or is it you know homework and hurry up let's do dinner and get things together um so there is a true dysfunction right now in society um where bonds are being broken families are being separated and in order to raise emotionally stable healthy human beings they need to have these bonds and connections and ideally it's with mom ideally it's with mom and dad and it doesn't have to be with someone else but we all have our circumstances and we all have our choices and there's always things that we can do to improve upon where where we are in life when children do not form bonds and connections with their parents there's very bad consequences you're going to see that children who don't form bonds they are going to be hyperactive they're going to have behavioral problems tantrums personality disorders i mean just think about the millions of children that are medicated right now could it be that they just need that connection that bond with another human being other all the attention disorders hyperactivity many times lack of bonding connection touch presence is the cause to these things in my opinion i made a video on how i transformed one of my children which was going through a very difficult season when i had a new baby for a few months where this child was tantruming and crying and became like this little monster in behavior and how i transform this child through bonding and through uh what i did with her and i'll link that video below but it's really important to know that a lot of problems that children have is because they just need more connection more love from mom and dad more bonding and this lack of bonding is what causes a lot of problems and i always say that what is our goal with our children is our goal to be able to have results in terms of we want good behavior you know we want um uh very smart children academically children are going to have good careers and are going to be successful productive members of society yes we are we want all those things but above all above all those things that we want good behavior academic success career success we want a relationship with our children because that is what we're going to have in the future and you see adults that they just they don't have any type of bond or relationship with their parents as adults and they just can't connect and they just don't have it there for them for them it's because it started as children you want to have your children come back in in the holidays and come visit you and bring the grand children around and have that bond that beautiful experience of growing up with mom and dad in a closed bond because this is what is going to make up that family um and you want to be best friends with your kids that is so important because when you are when you have a good relationship with your children you are of higher influence you can um teach some things and they're willing to listen they want to cooperate because they have that bond with you because they want to please you but when you break that bond then that's when you're going to see behavioral problems you're going to see children that don't want to cooperate they don't want to do things for you at all they don't have a relationship with you and so let's talk about you know that very thing let's focus on that right now so when you have a flower in your garden that's not thriving that's you know dying what do you do do you blame it on the flower or it's just that that type of flower is just not it's just not doing well or do you do you look at the soil do you look at maybe there's not enough water there's too much sun there's too little sun maybe we need to bring some minerals into the soil what's going on and that's exactly what we want to do with children we want to set a foundation for that child to thrive on a good soil so what is that good foundation so the main thing is your relationship with your child how you treat your child so you want to be fair with your children you don't want to hit yell scream uh name call criticize uh what do people do ear pulling hair pulling because when you do those things you're breaking the bond with your children and you're breaking the relationship and you're teaching children to resolve conflict with violence so that is like right off the bat bad that's the foundation you want to treat your children with respect with love um and you want to observe yourself how is it that you are treating them and talking to them what is your tone of voice is your tone of voice condescending harsh critical or is it sweet is it uplifting uh how do you sound to your children let me give you an example so one day i i have five kids and i was homeschooling all of them i wasn't having a very good day and i wanted my husband to see kind of like a little bit of my day so i wanted to i put up my camera to record a little bit of our morning so that he can see it um and i just put the camera up and i forgot about it and i recorded and then i turned off the camera and then at night um i wanted to see the video before i showed it to my husband and when i saw the video i saw how my voice sounded and i saw how i was being with the kids like for example i had the book open and we were going over a problem and i said well we already went over that how can you not know the answer to that when we already did that or like the way that i was talking to the children wasn't very nice but it wasn't very sweet and i realized that if i hadn't videotaped myself i would have caught myself and sometimes we get into this habitual way of talking and treating our children that sounds harsh that sounds mean and when i saw that mom in the video i thought i don't wanna i don't to be friends with that mom i don't uh think she's being very sweet and kind with her children and what i did the next day was that i put up the camera again and i wanted to be intentional and i wanted to reverse that and and and i opened up the book again and i said okay sweetheart let's go over the problem so what are we not understanding here okay so let's break it down not like no you should know that by now what's going on you know so um i think it's important that we observe the way that we speak to our children and that we change that we change that from being harsh to being sweet from being critical to being uplifting to being understanding to being empathetic once you establish that foundation of respect a fair treatment then you're going to be able to build upon that and i'm not saying that you're not going to discipline your children because you do have to discipline your children and there are times when you need to have a firm voice and you need to have your boundaries and i've talked about boundaries and offering consequences to children and the consequence that you offer being replaced uh by yelling and hitting and doing all those things that parents do so let the consequence do the yelling let the consequence be what teaches the children um and that is where we want to get to so once you have established that foundation of respect for our children when we are talking to them with respect we are we are treating them with respect then we want to focus on other things let's talk about the importance of touch children need to be touched and locked on so you want to on a daily basis hug massage caress your children and i totally understand that there's children out there that they don't want to be touched they don't they already have that that bonding uh relationship destroyed and they don't want to be touched they don't want to be hugged upon but this is something that you can fix so every morning when my kids wake up they've been away from us for a long time i always make mornings pleasant good morning and we give each other a hug i have my two-year-old saying good morning good morning mom good morning emma like he says good morning to all his sisters and it's so sweet and we all hug each other and it's something that we have established in our home and i know it sounds so basic that everybody should be saying good morning but we live in a different time right now where everybody they will go to their screens and they will grab their ipad and it's like they don't even see each other so this i have to talk about this in the video as sad as this sounds as sad as it sounds that i have to tell parents that yes we greet our children with love in the morning when they wake up good morning sweetie and you know give them a hug and a snuggle and throughout the day you know go you know get down to the level you know touch them hug them caress them i am big on massages and i have this bomb and i'll massage my children before bath times or after baths or before beds um it's not something that i do every day but i sometimes do do it every day and it's just they just love it um massage touch the the power of touch is powerful caressing your children caressing their hair i remember when i was a child i remember the exact day where i was sitting that my father was caressing my hair i remember how it felt to be caressed because i didn't see my father very much and i and the fact that i remember that time that i got caressed lets me know that it's important and that it didn't happen very often and how powerful and how touching that was for me as a child so yes the power of touch another thing is your eyes your presence the power of noticing things in your children make eye contact with them don't always be looking down on your phones on your computers look up i talk about digital minimalism and i'll link that video below put your phones away and use it during certain times during the day and make contact with your children and let them know that you see them you see them for example i see that tower you built wow that's amazing or i see how good of a job you did making your bed this morning it looks beautiful oh i love seeing you share with your sister i love how you're getting along and when you let the child know that you see all these wonderful things that they're doing and you notice their efforts and you notice their good work in school then they're going to want to do more of that and the more you focus on the good stuff the more good stuff that they're going to want to produce another thing that i love doing is i love reading aloud to children as a form of bonding reading is probably the best thing that you can do to get your children ahead in academics as you build a vocabulary and you learn so much when you read and not only that you establish this bond with your children so every morning we have morning time with the kids and if there's nothing that we do what like i want to get to our morning read aloud so i read our devotional we read a morning devotional link below the one that we use and we do our read aloud we're always reading some story together and um i love reading to my children and they love it and we have read so many good books together so many great memories just reading to my kids so pick up a book and if you want me to make more videos on getting started with reading for children let me know and i will make that video let's talk about singing singing is a great way of bonding as well and i have like 10 to 11 favorite songs that i love children singing to all of my children and just memorize a few songs and sing to your kids sing some songs to your kids even if it's just one song that you sing every night i'll tell you a song that i really love and it's by dr becky bailey and she told she changed the twinkle twinkle little song to a beautiful song let me play it here with one of my kids so you can see what it sounds like twinkle twinkle little star what a wonderful child you are with those big bright eyes and those nice round cheeks talented person from head to feet twinkle twinkle little star what a wonderful child you are so isn't that beautiful i love it i love it i love that song so i talked about bringing your toddlers to help you but let's talk about now older kids so you can get older kids to also help you and be collaborating with you so that you can bond with them so maybe you can have them help that with changing attire helping the garden whatever it is that you're doing get them involved because when you get children involved they are able to form that bond with you as you create something together make make a cake together big cookies together um and i know i talked about screens being something that separates families but screens can also bring families together my children love when we sit down and watch movies with them and watch shows with them and we do that in the weekend so we turn off the screens in the week we only watch some educational things during the week but in the weekend we do watch movies with our kids and right now we're really enjoying this series called the torch lighter series i'll link it below and i just see their eyes light up when we watch things together there's something about watching something with your kids that is powerful you can get to comment on what's going on and you get to share that experience together so you can use technology to also bring you together um another thing that we really enjoy is board games it's just a fun thing that we do and every friday we have this thing called game nights friday game nights and the kids love doing it and we have so many board games that we have bought over the years a lot of the classics i think i've made a video a long time ago on some of the ones we have i'll link that video below but board games teach children sharing and taking turns and patience and learning to lose yes because that is something that we need to all learn how to take a loss and it's just a wonderful activity to do together with your family to build that bonding relationship with your children and you also are able to build that memory together that every friday you had game nights right how fun is that and another thing that you can do with your kids is just to do what they love to do um i get down on the floor and i play with my kids whatever they want to play my little ones love playing kitchen and we'll set up a kitchen i will pretend making pizza and eating the pizza and having tea and all types of things but we also do all types of other games like build towers together and play makeup scenarios when children do pretend playing they are able to learn so much they work out issues of sharing and fears and poor behavior they're able to work that out and play play is a therapy for children and when you're playing with them they're developing their speech they're developing their problem spot solving they're developing their cognitive skills and so much more so get on the floor and play with your kids if you have older kids and they're you know over the stage of playing on the floor with things then get into their hobbies what do they love they would love for mom and dad to get into their hobbies are they into drawing are they they're into playing sports go play soccer with them car trading whatever they're into get into it with them do not underestimate the simple act of throwing a ball outside and playing catch or going for a walk with your children that's so important to go for walks i see my neighbors every day and i tell them i think that's a beautiful tradition where they go for a walk with their kids every day raining snowing bad weather good weather they're out there for a walk every day what beautiful bonding experience and memories they're building together by doing that another thing that you can do with your kids is playing games with your hands there's so many games with your hands from having a little person hello how are you and this little person is um someone saying hello and walking and doing fun things and i know it sounds silly but kids love playing with their hands and we will play with our hands at the doctor's office while we're waiting in the car and we just love there's a lot of different hand games that we know and we play we also love hand clapping games and they are so fun and the kids love memorizing the lyrics and the patterns and it's such a fun time the kids really love the hand clapping game so so much that i i'm almost tempted if you guys want me to make a video on our favorite hand clapping games from like the 80s and 90s please let me know and i'll make a video about that because they're just so fun and there's such a great tradition that they can pass on to their kids as well and there's so many benefits from learning hand claps psychologists have even said that it helps the brain in so many ways so i'll let me know if you guys want to learn more about hand clapping another thing that i like doing with my kids and this is something that you can do with your older kids is that you want to take turns to have some special alone time with each child so what i do is every time i go to the grocery store i'll bring one child with me and while i'm in there driving in the car we'll talk hey how's your week going what's on your mind um and i just spent that time with that child i also set particular dates with children and we'll go do sculpting together we'll do go horse riding together different things that gives me the opportunity to bond more with that child maybe we'll go have ice cream together maybe we'll go shopping together whatever it is you can always bring one child with you and spend that special bonding time with you and that child and don't forget that bonding happens everywhere in the car turn the radio off and just talk to your kids in the kitchen when you're cooking just talk to your kids you know and bonding is something that happens naturally this is natural human behavior and you're going to see that bonding is going to be such a beautiful thing in your family connection and bonding is the missing link in many families that can change everything bounding is the foundation of human relationship and it needs to be re-established it needs to be brought back to the center i hope you have enjoyed the video i'll link below in the description box anything that i talked about let me know what you do to bond with your children go over to my community tab and leave me your comments i would love to hear more on how you bond and connect with your children it is such a beautiful thing if we can do one thing to change the world is to just love our children bond with our children because when we do we we raise healthy emotionally stable human beings that are going to pass that love to their children and this is going to be a chain of love and connection being passed to generation to generation to generation so i hope you have enjoyed the video thank you so much for watching until the next time you

Channel: Jady A.

Views: 49,985

Rating: 4.9421768 out of 5

Keywords: homeschool, homeschooling, bonding with children, connecting with children

Id: nVXgRfmykAM

Length: 26min 55sec (1615 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 29 2021