Translator: Mohand Habchi
Reviewer: Denise RQ For most years of my 20s, I struggled with something
that could easily be described as probably one of the worst nightmares
of a 20-something guy. I suffered from ED,
which is short for erectile dysfunction. This means I had a hard time
- no pun intended - getting or keeping an erection
or having an orgasm during intercourse. Whenever I thought
about erectile dysfunction, I always thought that this might be
potentially something you have to deal with when you're older. Yet, here I was experiencing it. Since I was ashamed of it to be honest, I kept it for myself for almost a decade. But little did I know that I was just one guy of many
under the age of 30 suffering from a barely
known global phenomenon. It was at the end of 2012 that I got
so frustrated with my situation that I finally wanted to confront it. So I went to a neurologist. He got a look at me, but he couldn't find
any physical cause for my ED so he suggested that probably
it was performance anxiety. He subscribed me four pills of Cialis which is an erection enhancing drug
just like Viagra in order to get my confidence back up. So I give it a try, and it worked. I did get an erection, I could keep it up for most of the time, but I still was unable to orgasm,
let alone that I got dizzy and headaches. Thinking about having to pop a pill
every time I wanted to have sex was not a solution
that I wanted to live with. So I did some more research
on the psychological aspects of sexuality. And not only did I find out,
or got awareness for the fact that the brain is actually
the most important sex organ, I also stumbled upon first insights on how pornography
can influence the brain. You see, growing up as a gay boy
in a small Catholic Austrian village, exploring one sexuality is, let put it that way, limited. Luckily or coincidentally, when I hit puberty, the Internet
became widely available. So this became my perfect outlet
to explore my sexuality. When I had my first time at the age of 16, I was already watching regularly
hardcore porn movies online. Sometimes even on a daily basis, and most the time,
for more than one hour per sitting. Since the sexual revolution
of the 20th century, masturbation and pornography
have mainly been freed of its moral constraints. So we were told that masturbating
and watching porn doesn't do any harm. Don't get me wrong, the sexual revolution
was important and necessary, especially in liberating sexuality, but the belief that pornography
can't do any harm doesn't seem to be quite true. Countless experiences online
and first studies paint a different picture, with the result that porn can indeed have
a negative influence on the brain, and it does so by rewiring it, and especially a brain
that is not yet fully developed. The science is a bit complicated,
but the concept is actually quite easy. Consuming pornography online is quite different than browsing
through a Playboy Magazine. The Playboy Magazine
has a limited amount of still images, whereas the Internet offers virtually
abundant amount of hardcore porn videos. So a 15-year-old today can have more
virtual sex partners in one sitting than one of his ancestors in a lifetime. So this leads
to a hyper stimulation of the brain, - this means more dopamine which is a neurotransmitter
that makes us feel good - and this, in return, can again cause
what is called a desensitization. Or let me put it differently. At one point, reality starts to look pretty dull compared to what
the Internet has to offer; which means the brain
releases less dopamine, which then means
a weaker and a shorter arousal, and this - and you might
have already guessed it - can lead to erectile dysfunction. This is called
porn-induced erectile dysfunction. It's quite a mouthful. Again, no pun intended. (Laughter) So once I knew what was wrong
with me, this felt like a triumph. But the best part was yet to come when I got to know
that this is reversible. Apparently all I had to do was to stop masturbating
and watch porn for a total of 120 days. That sounds doable. This is called rebooting, and it gives the brain
a chance to rewire itself, and in the process,
cure erectile dysfunction or porn-induced erectile dysfunction
in this case. Hallelujah! So once I knew what caused my ED, and once I knew it was reversible, boy, was I ready to reclaim my sexuality! And not only I wanted to reverse
my porn-induced erectile dysfunction; no, no, no, I wanted to make up
for all the years I have lost. And I wanted to do that
by, well, becoming a sex god. So I thought about what is a sex god, and I came up
with a list of characteristics that I thought a sex god should possess. On that list were: strength obviously - I mean, a sex god needs the six-pack,
the strong biceps, large chest muscles - stamina - he, for sure, can go all night - high levels of testosterone
which results in a strong libido; the ability to have multiple orgasms, rock-hard erections
for as long as he wants, and basically, lots and lots
of experience with different people knowing and having perfected
all the sexual techniques there are. That was my goal. (Laughter) So I made a plan, and I've started
the Sex God Project online, where not only I wanted
to write about my experience with porn-induced erectile dysfunction, but where also I wanted to document
my progress of the journey. So I stopped masturbating
and watching porn, and I started exercising regularly
both strength and stamina, and I really was determined
to get that six-pack because that is obviously
super, super important for a sex god. I did Kegel exercises
which train the BC muscle which should result in stronger erections. I research different methods
on how to boost once testosterone levels and had it checked
regularly by my physician. So basically, I hunted down
and tried to implement every possible technique I could find in order to transform myself into
that vision I've created of a sex god. After a couple of weeks,
when I felt ready to test my progress, I noticed that despite the time
and effort I have invested, I haven't made much progress. Yes, I did revitalize my ability
to get and stay aroused longer, but when it was time to put on the condom, I still experienced erectile dysfunction, I still couldn't orgasm
during intercourse. So I was crushed. But then it slowly started to dawn on me
that the Sex God Project had one big flaw. And the Greek philosopher Plato helped me
to grasp the concept behind that. Maybe some of you are familiar
with Plato's allegory of the cave. For all of you who are not,
let me explain. Plato talks about people being in a cave
and being chained to a wall; in this case, to a chair. They can see a shadow or shadows
on the opposite wall, and these shadows
are being cast by objects moved in front of a fire behind them. Having lived in a cave
for all of their life, and being unable to get up and turn around
because of the shackles, they are oblivious
to the fire, to the object, let alone to an outside world. Now replace the cave with a room,
the wall with a screen, and the shadows with pornographic imagery. And that was the problem: my experience of the sexual reality
were the shadows for most of my life. So of course I tried
to imitate the shadows; which are, in the end, nothing more than a distorted and abstracted
version of a reality. For example, pornography limit sexuality
to a passive and voyeuristic perspective whereas the reality of human sexuality
is active and immersive, having a dimension
of interpersonal connection which adds a dimension of meaning. Or pornography limits sexuality
to mainly the visual sense whereas the reality of sexuality
is a multi-sensory experience with touch being probably
the most important one. Now funnily enough, the answer
was in front of me all along, the only thing I had to do
was to answer the question: what is a god? In a mythological sense,
a god is the ultimate conscious being. So for me, god is a metaphor
for consciousness which is, in Plato's allegory,
represented through the Sun outside. So then, the Sex God Project
has became a journey of leaving the cave, becoming conscious
of the reality of human sexuality. And this is certainly
easier said than done. This can be frightening at times because there's a little voice
that constantly whispers in your ear, "Stay in the cave,
it's cozy and secure in here. You can't possibly know what's out there." But with every step I made
towards the exit of the cave, with the help of sexual healing techniques
such as sensate focus exercises, I noticed that my initial symptoms of erectile dysfunction
and inhibition of orgasm gradually decreased. So once I had a idea of what might be
waiting outside the cave, I really fined my previous
definition of a sex god. So now for me, a sex god or sex goddess is a person that consciously creates a multi-sensory and meaningful
sexual experience. And along with that form,
the vision for sex - that is more than just
for the simple reason of reproduction or satisfying one's personal
or biological needs - as an art form, a way for self-expression, or as a way for physical
and emotional healing; or maybe even a gateway
to trans-personal experiences that transcend our understanding
of body and mind. But before we can get there, we first have to destroy
the shackles around our mind. I believe that the shackles
represent nothing less than the two most dangerous psycho-toxins
there are: guilt and shame. So I believe that we first have to stop
defining sex as dirty and nasty, and I believe we have to open up,
make ourselves vulnerable in order to have
those necessary conversations we so desperately need. But even before we can do that, we have to become aware of the existence
and the nature of cave we are in. So next time when you are
about to watch porn, try to create awareness
for the situation you're in; and creating awareness
is actually quite simple. All you have to do
is to create a mental gap between your impulse
to watch porn and doing it. And then use that gap,
look at that screen, perceive the pixels, and see them
for what they're truly are: the post modern version
of the shadows in Plato's cave. This then could be the first step on your journey to becoming
a sex god or a sex goddess yourself. Thank you. (Applause)
Thanks for posting this. It was an optimistic and inspiring talk.
Very enlightening. Thanks for posting this.
Awesome post, I liked the bit about seeing sex as an art form or opportunity for healing.