How To Have A Better Marriage | ANDY STANLEY

we're brought here today by the love that Sarah and Davis share for each other we're going to be so happy we'll be so happy I'm gonna crush it at being a husband I really hope she looks like her picture Pete says she has a good personality that's a red flag Davis whoa there's one beautiful personality cutie alert thank you sorry I got you a latte latte why would I just quick say something oh yeah that's dairy probably shouldn't immediately correct him so do you Sports failure yeah I love golf what no I don't I hate golf and me too yes I love with the chipping and the putting birdies nope we tweet you had a hold of yourself um so what are you looking for in a relationship oh my gosh I'm gonna dialog oh you know it's someone just like me someone who's just kind of their own person someone pretty adventurous someone who likes to stay at home someone who'll just listen to me someone who doesn't talk too much someone who isn't intimidated by how much money I mean somebody who doesn't mind how little money I make he looks like a good dad hope she doesn't want kids like soon you know it's a like another person that's me I mean we do I think I love her [Music] Wow time flew by it's over think fast oh yeah oh yes you got it do you want me to huh maybe you should I give her a hug is that weird no okay no kiss okay no wait oh my gosh what do I do this is great what is it happening huh good well I just see it well you messed that up it's okay we'll cross our second date so we are in part three of what new happy couples know and so the question is what do happy couples know and here's what happy couples know that over time and sometimes initially but oftentimes eventually that our hopes dreams and desires become expectations and they become expectations when we take our hopes dreams and desires which seems so light and so happy and so tangible and so easily fulfilled and we hand them to somebody else and it feels like that and so from my perspective it's hopes dreams and desires I mean who wouldn't want to you know organize family the way I want to organize family resolve conflict the way I want to resolve conflict I mean I know exactly how we're gonna do money and budgets or no budgets I know how many kids we're gonna have and when we're gonna have them I know I'm gonna get to keep my car and you're gonna drive or whatever and I know where we'll live and so we all come into our relationships with hopes dreams and desires and from our perspective that's what they are but from the perspective of the person on the other side of me or the other side of you or the other side of Sandra it begins to feel like and look like expectations and then what was meant to be enjoyable becomes transactional and when the relationship becomes when the relationship becomes transactional it's not as much fun anymore because everybody's negotiating and we did it your way last time it's my turn to do it my way it was your family last time it's my family this time you got to spend extra on how you blew the budget I get to blow the budget and back and forth back and forth and now we're negotiating and now it's debt debtor and the problem with transactional is the best negotiator in the relationship always wins because it's an ocean ago she ation so the best negotiator continues to win he always wins she always wins I had my my plan I knew Daphne what I was gonna say I had my approach all planned out and she won again he won again and the problem is in a relationship when someone wins the relationship loses in a relationship when I win we loses when you win we loses but the problem is we all bring this stuff into the relationship and we just can't help it it's absolutely unavoidable and it's not just you know the kinds of stuff that you can put in a box a lot of it is intangible it's things that maybe you haven't thought through but they're kind of on the emotional intangible relational side of things when you think about you know future successful happy relationships you think about things like this right I mean you want to be respected I do you want to be desired you want to be admired I mean as guys we want to you know whoever we spend their life with we want them to think that we have what it takes and the reason we want them to think we have what it takes is because about every other hour of every other day we wonder if we have what it takes but I want Sandra to think I have what it takes we want to be cherished protected defendant want to be trusted I don't want somebody always checking up on me and I want somebody who's trustworthy I want to be prioritized you don't want to compete with his car you know you don't want to compete with her job you don't want to compete with his income you don't want to compete with her family you want to be pursued you want to be attractive to me there's all these things in the list goes on and on and on and these are good things and these are good things in fact some of these things I think are a reflection of the image of God in us so this isn't a good bad thing this is just a thing thing but the question is what do we do and how do we handle this this is just an ongoing relational dynamic so last week we said in the week before that as well we said that happy couples know that in order to keep hopes dreams and desires to keep them from feeling like expectations you have to make a decision and the fundamental primary decision that you make is he doesn't owe me she doesn't owe me yes this is what I desire but I'm not expecting him I'm not expecting her he doesn't owe me she doesn't owe me then last week we looked at what I think is the most powerful relational dynamic in the whole world the whole idea of mutual submission mutual submission that in a Christian marriage specifically it is a race to the back of the line in a Christian marriage it is a submission competition everybody's trying to put the other person first and if you argue you argue over how can I put you first as opposed how as opposed to how can I get to the front of the line and the submission competition in that kind of relationship we talked about that whenever it becomes a tug-of-war over expectations and desires and wishes and dreams that happy couples know happy couples know in order to win in order to win the only way to win is to drop your end of the rope because then dropping your end of the rope you put yourself in the back of the line but it's scary to go first but happy couples know that you have to go first in order to be last in order to win in the relationship so today what do we do with these and the good news is Peter tells us now Peter was a follower of Jesus one of Jesus original followers in fact some of the most famous stories in the New Testament have to do with Peter and all the cool things Peter did Peter had a big mouth Peter got in trouble Peter talked too much Peter was a coward at the end and in the end he was one of the first two people to look into an empty tomb and realized that Jesus had risen from the dead now Peter is somebody we should listen to not only because he spent three or so years listening to Jesus and by the way everything Jesus taught doesn't show up in the Gospels the gospel writer John said hey if I were to have if I had written everything down jesus said it would take up all the books in the world so Jesus taught so much and about so many things and Peter was there for all of it and then after Jesus left the earth Peter went on to help other people become Christians and to teach what Jesus taught but he faced extraordinary persecution and eventually his life was taken from him probably under Nero in the city of Rome so he knew what it was like to be with Jesus he knew what Jesus taught but he also knew what it was like to face extraordinary hardship and so Peter tells us exactly what to do with all the things in our box because he gives us a relational principle that is not specific to marriage and specific romantic relationships but it certainly applies to those as we're about to see now I have to warn you though what Peter says is a little weird okay and what Peter says may be a little uncomfortable for you and what Peter says may just seem so religious you're not sure you want to embrace it so I just want to invite you if you would to put down your skepticism for just a few minutes put down your objections for just a few minutes and listen to the words of a man come on who knew Jesus and besides that the alternatives to what Peter suggests they don't work either I mean what are you gonna do with this stuff right what are you gonna do with this just you can ignore it you can't ignore it if you just ignore it you're gonna become unhealthy you're just gonna be a pretender and pretenders are no fun to have in a relationship and eventually the person you're in a relationship with is gonna think you're getting kind of weird and if you just give and give and give and give and give and give and never acknowledge what's in your heart and never acknowledge perhaps the god-given desires that rattle around in your heart your soul eventually you're gonna get worn out you're gonna get tired the relationship isn't gonna be healthy because you aren't gonna be healthy and besides that ignoring your hopes dreams and desires doesn't make the relationship any better what is your other option you can just stay busy I guess you know just you know pour more time into tennis more time into golf more time into work more time into the kids more time into hunting something that just keeps you apart so you just kind of show up like roommates but that's not what you got into this for I mean that's no fun that that's not exciting it certainly doesn't model anything positive for your kids when you have kids or if you have kids so staying busy isn't isn't an answer creating your own world isn't an answer and besides that this sets you up for the third option which is I'm just gonna go find someone else now if you're dating and you're just a few months in or a few weeks in or you know you're not engaged yet you're just kind of moving in the direction of maybe a permanent relationship and it dawns on you that your hopes dreams and desires are nothing like the person you're dating hopes dreams and desires then you probably should change relationships or maybe get out of that relationship because there's time and you have that opportunity and this is very very very important but if you're in a relationship and especially and obviously if you're married then simply getting out of the relationship oftentimes doesn't solve anything and here's why and this is this is pretty deep okay wherever you go there you are let me go over that again okay wherever you go there you are in other words you go with you and whatever part of the relationship problem you are you're going to take that into your next relationship so simply swapping out people oftentimes doesn't solve anything because you're still the same old girl you used to be and besides that this is still a lot of wait for somebody to carry around and just because somebody else couldn't fulfill your hopes dreams and wishes what makes you think you're gonna find somebody else who can besides that besides that when you meet this other person and you know this but sometimes it's just good to hear somebody tell you when you meet this other person if you're married and you meet somebody else or you're engaged it's like I met this other person or you're in a committed relationship and you meet this other person let me tell you about the other person I've met them okay they are on their best behavior you don't know them you're not gonna get something remember when you were dating the first time and now you're meeting this other person you're on your best behavior - they think you're incredible they just need to talk to your husband or your wife or your fiancee or your roommate I mean aren't we all on our best behavior and so it's so enticing it seems so easy in the problem with this this is so much easier than staying in a tough relationship and it feels so fresh and it's exciting and it stirs all that stuff that got stirred up the first time around but this is generally not the answer again here's here's an observation that I promise I'm not gonna stay here too long this is another message for another day but just in case this is for you people don't rush into a new relationship because they're eager to give their lives to someone in other words the person that you're thinking about getting in a new relationship with okay you're not anxious for that new relationship because it's like wow I just want to know what his or her hopes dreams and desires are I need a new relationship so I can help somebody else fulfill their hopes dreams and desires that's not why you're looking for something new and by the way that's not what they're looking for either people don't jump in to new relationships because they're trying to give their lives away you know the problem with my relationship is I just can't give my life to my husband I can't give my life to my wife I just can't give my life to my fiance I got to find somebody else that's not what's going on is it I mean come on let's be adults let's be honest you're hoping to get something that you aren't getting you're hoping to have something happen on the inside of you that's not happening on the inside of you you're hoping to get some of the stuff in the box that you're not getting even though it's been in your box for long long time so be honest this isn't about giving of yourself you may just be looking for somebody to get the stuff from and get the affection from and get the affirmation from that you're not getting in your current relationship and you should at least know that and you should be honest enough with yourself to acknowledge that which means you're gonna hate me for this but if you are dating someone who is recently divorced time is your friend if you are recently divorced and you're dating someone time is your friend in fact the only rule I have for our pastors and our staff in terms of who they marry or remarry my only rule for all these years has been not to do a wedding for anyone who's divorced and has been divorced for less than two years you say ndy two years and it's because I don't think I can talk people into five years that's why two years okay because if I can talk you into five years I'm talking to five and let me just tell you this I've been doing this a long long time time is your friend but come on let's be honest why do we rush into another relationship it's not because we just want to be selfless with someone new is it no it's because I got this dang box and I am tired of lugging it around and I'm ready to hand it to somebody new because I think she's gonna do it better he's gonna do it better now again we don't think this way but come on listen if you're just gotta be honest about this stuff right so when you start feeling pressure in this new relationship with this new person when you start feeling pressure to perform when you start feeling pressure to maintain when you start feeling pressure to you know step it up you probably need to hit pause and you may need to hit eject and if your mama said hit eject you need to hit eject okay cuz she knows and if two or three if your friends have come to you and said okay you know he's really cute but hey okay if two or three friends have used their red flags come on pay attention just getting into a new relationship doesn't mean anything changes except the face and the address and the complexity perhaps of the problem so okay back to what we're talking about so the question is for today what in the world do we do with the staff and as I said Peter tells us and in one of his letters that he wrote to Christians in the first century he picks up on this you know put others first idea he doesn't use the phrase mutual submission like the Apostle Paul did he uses a different term so we're gonna jump into this passage and make this super practical so here's what Peter says this is powerful he says all of you that's all of you all of you clothe yourselves that is put on so that you're characterized by all of you put on clothing yourself with humility toward one another it's a general relationship principle that we're gonna apply to romantic relationships in just a minute in other words clothe yourself with humility that means go small that means go others first that means go to the back of a line that means at every relationship iteration at every point of decision at every transition anytime there's a potential conflict here's what you're supposed to do you should ask yourself what would a humble person do so we're gonna practice that because most of us have never asked that question before right well what a humble person do you say well Andy I'm not really humble I know that's why we're asking this question and and you don't have to be humble but you should at least know what a humble person does because in just a minute pause I mean Peters gonna tell us why he says that and when he tells us why you might get interested so I would like for all of us and if you're at home alone this is gonna be weird it's gonna be weirder if there are other people in the room but I would like for all of us to say out loud because this is a powerful and compelling question I want us to all ask the question what would a humble person's are you ready here we go what would a humble you should you don't have to do it you should at least ask the question you should at least pause and ask the question okay if I were humble what would help a person do now let me tell you a little little secret about humility if you start doing what a humble person does you'll be humble you go oh no it's an internal thing it's not see you read your mind you know if you're arrogant but everybody else just reads your actions and actions speak louder than exactly so if you start doing what a humble person does you'll be humble if you go oh I'm already humble now you just reading your own thoughts we're leading reading your actions you're not so stopping every once in a while I'm telling you this is a relational game changer and asking the question okay I know what I'm here enough to do I know what I normally do I know how I feel I know what happened last time I know what my mama says but you just stop and you go okay but if I were to go small if I were to go into the line if I were to put someone else first what would that look like in this circumstance what would a humble person do know before you you know just turn me off listen to how Peter finishes this statement all of you clothed yourself with humility toward one another because why humility Peter because God opposes the proud it's like oh okay yeah what would a humble prayer in other words do you really want to be in opposition to God in fact some of you you would say the reason I don't believe you know I don't believe in God I'm not so sure about a personal God part of it is you know you you stiff-armed God a little bit in Peter who knew Jesus who was the son of God said that God pulls back from proud people that God leans away from and leans back from proud people and before you judge god too harshly that's what you do as well right I mean you don't you don't even that drawn to arrogant people right don't you pull back don't you kind of resist entitled people demanding people people who are always trying to squeeze out of you whatever they can get out of you for their benefit and they only think about themselves and they rarely think about how their behavior impacts you but look what he says he's God opposes the proud but he shows favor or grace in fact grace is actually a better translation of this word he shows grace our favor to the humble now this is an extraordinary promise and an English text it's a little hard to see how this is a promise but here's what this means the Peter says that when you humble yourself in a relationship it is an invitation for God to give you the strength you need the endurance you need the power you need to maintain and to do the right thing because humility is an invitation to God humility is an invitation guy humility throughout the old and new testament humility and perhaps you've experienced that humility when we go small when we go back to the line when we go others first it is an invitation for God to do something extraordinary in our lives and in our relationships so he says this let me say it again a different ways Peter says humble yourselves therefore under God's mighty hand not under God's mighty hand like gotcha not that kind of under God's mighty hand to be under God's mighty hand is to be under the canopy of his protection is to be under the canopy of his authority he says when you go humble you are basically backing into the safest place you could be because God leans in to the humble God leans toward the person that says what is the humble thing to do what would a humble person do when she says when he says when he doesn't and when she does and this is an imperative it's when you want to power up when you want to get demanding when you want to defend he says no ask what would a humble person do and then you just do that and not only are you under God's mighty hand he's a to say you're also in God's mighty hand so it's not only under Authority it's not only under protection it's in a place where when God is ready he can do something extraordinary for you and that brings us to this second promise that or the purpose or the result that he may lift you up because you're in his mighty hand god I've done the humble thing I've done the submissive thing I've done the you know I've done the others first thing I've placed myself in your mighty hand and God says and when the time comes when the time is right you've put yourself into position to where I can lift you now you hear all that and you think okay you're the preacher I'm sure that makes perfect sense to you I have no idea what you're talking about okay I don't even think God had hands in fact I read somewhere in the Bible where he had wings so does he have wings or does he have hands okay is God an eagle is God a lion it's got what I got some mighty hand like I'm supposed to go home and say God you know give me a hand you know what huh what does this even mean so I think when Peter was riding this this made perfect sense to him because of the context and culture he was in I think he's riding this and he realizes okay this is probably way over everybody's head so I need to give him some handles I need I need to explain exactly what I'm talking about what does it mean to go humble what does it mean to put others first in this context what does it mean to rest under God's mighty hand place what what does that look like the Peter gets really really practical now a few weeks ago clay Scroggins preached on this very same passage in a different context and gave us an incredible incredible visual some of you might remember that so we're gonna look at what Peter says within the context now of relationships personal romantic relationships and here's what Peter says this is incredible he says I'm inviting you because I spent time with Jesus and so speaking on behalf of Jesus the Son of God he is I'm inviting you check this out he says cast all your anxiety all your frustrations all year she said he said I thought I always thought it was going to be I always dreamed it would be they promised cast all of your anxiety on him talking about God and whose mighty hand you stand and under whose mighty hands you dwell cast all your anxiety on him in other words don't miss his this is an invitation for you to unload on god here's what he's saying he's saying look instead of trying to get you know your significant other or whoever it is you're in love with to carry this stuff around he says I want you to cast it I want you to hurl it I want you to fling it towards your heavenly father all your anxieties all your cares all your frustrations all your unfulfilled dreams all year he promised and she said and I believed and I thought and I thought we'd talked that through and I thought we'd agreed upon Peter says okay before you take it to them take it to him cast all of it on your heavenly Father Wow now here's where you're gonna struggle with this and so I'm gonna kind of bear down a little bit okay maybe uncomfortably you've got to stop praying polite prayers okay you don't pray polite prayers don't pray formal prayers okay stop praying formal prayers as well in fact sometimes I talk to people and it's like well you know Andy you know I used to pray I don't know how to pray I'm like yes you do here's how I know that because you need to pray for honest prayers and everybody knows how to pray an honest prayer you may have never prayed one because you were afraid or because you memorized prayers as a child or because the only prayers you pray or behind the steering wheel or while you're putting on makeup or at the meal but Peters like okay forget all that I'm talking about some different kind of praying I want you to get honest in fact when it comes to praying about this kind of stuff you need to get on your knees by yourself you go Andy that's weird I said I told you part of this is gonna be weird let me tell you why need to be on your knees because you know what being on your knees demonstrates humility and in some cases if you're desperate you need to raise your hands you go okay that's really weird you know why you need to raise your hands who raises their hands children children Oh let me pick you up when you go to pick a child up what do they do they raise those hands they're saying I'm dependent on you say okay okay I think I'll just maybe find a comfortable chair now look up here this is very important you know you say is the posture of Prayer important it's very important let me explain why because your brain is connected to your body your brain is connected to your body your body is connected to your mind and your posture sends your mind and your mind sends your body signals now you know this and some of you study that some of you could come up here to explain this better than I could and his incredible book love does Bob golf tells his incredible story he's when it was an attorney for many many years and when he was doing depositions or when one of his clients was being deposed and having to go through a deposition here's the advice he would give them he would say when we get there I want you to sit at the table I want you to put your hands in your lap I want you to put rest your arms on your knees and I want you to open your hands and do not close your hands because it is virtually impossible to be defensive with your hands open what happens to your hands when you start getting defensive what do they do they start going like this you just tried this at home but some of you you're gonna get home and you're gonna notice everybody sitting around the table and slightly trying to eat like this because you know I'm not getting defensive you know I just you know there's there's something that I'm telling you there's something about your posture and when you decide I'm gonna get in the habit of casting all my hopes and dreams and desires on my father in heaven you should be in a posture of prayer that signifies submission and if it's a tough tough tough season in that relationship you may need to lift your arms because you're lifting of your arms is a sign of desperation in other words here's what Peter saying he's saying look you're gonna take all this energy somewhere start with your Father in heaven not the guy down the hall not your wife in the other room don't wait for that garage door to open and get ready to unload your hopes dreams and desires you start with your Father in Heaven and you pray this out loud told you this is gonna be weird but let me just tell you something if you're in any of our rooms if you're in any of our gatherings I would bet you just about anything there are people within ten people of you who could come up on this stage right now and tell their story about how they learn to pour out their heart they're their heavenly father and here's what they would say they would say it was that habit it was those prayers of desperation it was those honest impolite prayers where I found the strength to carry on I found the strength to endure I found the ability to take one more step I found the ability to go back into that relationship I found the ability to listen I found my strength on my knees in the small place so that I could experience the peace of God and the presence of God and sometimes it was almost like the power of God in the difficult times now Peter didn't make this whole cast your cares on the Lord thing up he actually lifted this from one of David's Psalms written hundreds of years earlier so because I know some of you have never prayed on his prayers again you say well I don't know how to pray you do know how to pray you just haven't done it like this because if you've ever been mad you know how to pray if you've ever lost your temper you know how to pray if you've ever told someone off you know how to pray that's what that's a part of what praying is and the thing is Peter this is powerful you see one day Peter and the guys the disciples they would watch Jesus go away and pray and then they would pray and they would look at each other and they would say I don't think we're doing it right these were Jewish boys who'd memorized all kinds of prayers but they would watch Jesus pray and they were like it's different I mean look he's over there in a wrestling match I mean he it's kind of loud I think we should move further away all right I don't know if we should over here this and so one day they went to Jesus this was the their praying and his praying were so different one day they went to Jesus you remember this maybe if you grew up in church they said Jesus teach us to pray which means we've been praying we don't pray like you we don't think we're doing it right so all these years later Peter says okay I learned a few things about prayer unhhhh load on your father in heaven cast throw fling it all at so anyway he lifts this little phrase out of the psalm of David getting back to that and so what I want to do real quickly I want to read you a bit of this Psalm where he got this because it's a great example of what I'm talking about now when David would write he's a poet he's a warrior I mean he's been covered in the blood of his enemy I mean he's a king he's a shepherd been there done that he's an adulterer he's forgiven I mean he's a father he's a grandfather he's all these different roles and yet time after time after time he would resent her himself on his relationship with God and he would write his prayers and his prayers were kind of like journals and prayers and rants all mixed together and God the scripture says he was a man after God's own heart so I think we all have permission to do this so here's an example of what I'm talking about okay this is David if an enemy not a friend if an enemy were insulting me I could endure it that's what enemies do if I throw we're rising against me I could hide but it is you he's writing this down but it is you a man like myself my companion my close friend I can't believe he would do this I can't believe she would do this I can't believe they've turned on me with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God we used to go to church together as we walked about among the worshippers and people thought oh look how there's such a lovely couple oh they get along and it's like I can't believe it's happening to me let check this out let death be honest day let death take my enemies by surprise let them go down alive to the realm of the Dead for evil finds lodging among them who can you say that to God do you know what the English equivalent of this is to hell with them that's what that means to hell with them oh okay he keeps going as for me I call to God and the Lord saves me and I check this out okay this is so powerful not behind the steering wheel on the way to work not well and put on my makeup not while I'm you know getting dressed in having a thought prayer evening morning and noon evening morning and noon evening morning and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my thoughts he hears my voice they've said sometimes I'm so desperate and frustrated I pray three times a day and I pray loud and they are not polite prayers Wow and as a result he rescues me he rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me it's like a war he says even though many opposed me God love is God who is enthroned lifts his eyes off of his circumstances off these relationships God who is enthroned from of old who does not change he will hear them and humble them because they have no fear of God God's gonna get my enemies Wow my companion my companion this person that I thought was a friend my companion attacks his friends that's me he violates his promise he broke his promise he violated his covenant he said she said he promised she promised I thought we I thought we were on the same page didn't we agree haven't we talked about that didn't we write it down he violates his covenant with me and he's such a talker she's such a negotiator he always wins the argument she always wins the argument his talk is smooth as butter yet war is in his heart his words are more soothing than oil yet they are drawn swords everybody it's like she's so sweet I'm like no she's not sweet you ought to see her well she's like at home he is so sharp he is so polite he's so gentle oh that's an act you should see the way he is at home words and Oh knows how to use words smooth as butter smooth as silk but behind all that his swords and then David kind of regathered himself Reis enters himself and he makes this statement that Peter lifts up and uses in the New Testament years later he says this cast here it is cast throw hurl fling your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you he will never let the righteous be shaken or he will never let the righteous righteous be brought down but you he's not done but you God will bring down I might not be brought down the righteous may not be brought down but you God will bring down the wicked into the pit of decay the bloodthirsty and deceitful will not live out half their days so that's not nice is it you know what that is that's honest you ever prayed like that I know you've unleashed hell on you know the person you're living with or your husband or your wife or you know you just kind of I'm gonna tell you one more time you know you've done that but have you ever talked to God that way you're like I didn't know we could talk to God that way look if you've never been that honest with God my friends you've never opened your heart completely to God he doesn't want polite he wants you and that's part of humility it's heart wide open God I am so frustrated I am so fed up I am so done I am so over it I got I wish I'd never met him I wish I'd never married her I wish I'd never slept with him well there's that okay I I wish I wish I never met him you know I so I'm just so over it and I need you because I don't know what to do I mean this isn't unrealistic we talked about this god I need you and here's the thing and I understand this if you didn't have permission to be that honest with your parents growing up especially with your father don't you talk to me that way you know one of those deals this is gonna be hard for you and I've been doing this a long time and when my kids hit that age where they just had some things to say I I told Sandra it's okay I am honored and I always tell him when they would just lose it at me on me because of me whatever it might be I would just absorb it I mean they were finished I would say thank you thank you for honoring me with what's inside of you and you're thinking you're making that up you didn't do that was your teenage kids yes I did and you know I did it because I've known for a long long time that my father in heaven invites that kind of feedback from me even when I'm wrong even when I misguided even when I don't see the world the way the world really is and I decided a long time ago before my kids ever hit adolescence you know what I would rather board them bring it to me fearlessly than to shut it down and let all that energy go some where else but here's the best part of all this is so powerful and if you've been away from church for a long time or you've been out of church for a long time or you're skeptical I get that if I were you I would be as skeptical as you are if I went to school or you went to school I'm sure I'd have the same you know thoughts and doubts and I was raised the way you were so I'm not critical at all I mean we are where we are because of things in most cases we had no control over I get that but if you're the least bit open this next part this is gold this is so powerful he says cast your anxiety on him why because he cares for you that's why the reason you can bring it the reason he's not offended the he's not gonna shut you down the reason is I'm not gonna be like whoa we don't use that kind of language you know is because he cares for you listen if it's important to you it is important to your father in heaven that's how good fathers are right if it's important to you it is important to your father in heaven because you are important to your father in heaven and Peter saw this in Jesus I mean come on Peter really saw it because there at the end Peter was exactly like the friend and David psalm he spent three years with Jesus and saw it all did it all walked on water did the whole deal and at the end he betrayed his friend and in the end Jesus took him back he didn't just take him back he put him in charge of the whole enterprise Peter knew God can handle it God can take it you are invited to bring it again you're gonna unload this somewhere your heavenly father says start with me start with me get on your knees every day and just give me your list give me your box give me your expectations give me your disappointment give me your heartbreak give me all the things he or she promised are the things that aren't working out I'm telling you bring them to me every single day because that is an expression of humility and humility is an invitation for God to do something remarkable but I gotta warn you the first remarkable thing God does will not be in the person down the hall the first remarkable God think the first remarkable thing God does if you do this will be in you in fact you'll begin to see this box differently you'll begin to see some of the things in this box differently chances are you'll take some things out of the box you may discover that you've been trying to squeeze something out of your husband or your wife or Fionna say that was never in them to give in the first place and that they weren't created to give you in the first place and you may discover that you both really hope for and dream of and wish for the very same thing but that transformation will never happen as long as you're taking it to them first and so your Heavenly Father says I invite you no more happy prayers no more polite prayers no more you know go through all that just just bring it to me you see happy couples no happy couples know that hopes wishes and dreams and hopes dreams and desires quickly become expectations and happy couples know that they just have to decide the other person doesn't owe me anything happy couples know that it's a submission competition that it is a race to the back of the line and happy couples know that sometimes sometimes sometimes you have to throw things and there's one other things that one other thing that happy couples know and we'll talk about that next week as we wrap up our series what happy couples know

Channel: North Point Community Church

Views: 60,317

Rating: 4.7745304 out of 5

Keywords: North Point Community Church, North Point, NorthPoint, North Point Atlanta, Andy Stanley, AndyStanley, Andy Stanley church, Andy Stanley message, Andy Stanley sermons, North Point church, NPCC, North Point youtube, Andy Stanley YouTube, spouse, happy marriage, how to have a happy marriage, what happy couples know, intimacy

Id: iEyGXOoe19A

Length: 40min 31sec (2431 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 22 2017