Leading Yourself Well

hey everybody welcome to your move i'm andy stanley did you know that you face your greatest challenge every morning in the mirror that's right you are your greatest challenge and so today we're going to talk about what you can do about you right here on your move [Music] so um i want to begin by telling you something that's super discouraging to me personally that i have participated in every bad decision that i have ever made i was there for all of them all the bad financial decisions all the bad parenting decisions all the bad marriage decisions not who i married but once i got married the decisions i made within the context i got to be careful with that within the context of that of our marriage um professional decisions every every bad decision i've ever made i was there for all of them i'm the one who talked myself out of exercising i'm the one who talked myself into dessert um to take this a step further i am oftentimes a sucker for you might also like and customers who purchased also purchased right and it's embarrassing but the reason i feel like i can share that with all of you is not because we're all close personal friends and not because it'll stay in the room um it's because you have participated in every bad decision you have ever made as well in fact here's just the strangest thing you were the mastermind i mean i don't know how you figured it out i don't know how long it took you are the mastermind behind your greatest regrets and so the truth is for all of us and that's what we're going to talk about for the next few minutes that all of us every single one of us face our greatest challenge every morning in the mirror my my greatest challenge isn't you my greatest challenges my kids my greatest challenges of my profession my greatest challenges that money my greatest challenges and my even my health my greatest challenge every single morning your greatest thing your greatest challenge is the person in the mirror the truth is and i don't know you but i know this about you you are difficult to lead and you should know this because you you attempt it every single day so for the next few minutes i thought in light of where we are as a nation we should talk about leading the american in the mirror now granted our favorite national pastime and i get this and i'm i'm part of this as well so i'm not pointing fingers our our greatest our most favorite national pastime is criticizing the national leadership of the other party right i mean isn't that our national pastime it used to be baseball but now it's just criticizing national leadership not of our party of the other party but again speaking for myself and but i think i speak for most of us i have done more if i'm honest i've done more to undermine my own success and progress than any political candidate elected to office ever so today leading the american in the mirror which is not fun because it reminds all of us that we all have work to do but this is an extremely important topic for a bunch of reasons i want to give you three and then i'm going to give you some real specific things to think about as we move into this week and as we move into this next season as a nation it's a really big deal because you will never be a leader worth following if you don't lead yourself well you'll never be a leader worth following if you don't lead yourself well you won't be a leader worth following at home you won't be a leader worth following in the community you won't be a leader worth following work you will not be leader worth following if you don't get the self leadership thing down right now to be clear and to be honest exceptional self leadership is not a requirement of leadership right i mean you know a lot of leaders who are a mess personally you know leaders who are a disaster personally you may work for one um you may have grown up with one we all know leaders who personally or miss their they're still leaders so you don't have to have your act together to be a leader but you have to be extraordinary at self-leadership if you want to be a leader worth following and i'll tell you where you learned this the first time you saw this even though you didn't have words to put around it was at home growing up because whether or not whether or not you want to be like your parents depends upon how well they led themselves many of you like your parents you don't want to be like your parents right and when you talk about your parents you you know you there you have fun affection and emotion and then you find yourself qualifying you know i you know i love my dad my dad's great but i don't necessarily want to be like him my mom you know she i like my love my mom i love my mom i don't want to be like and whether or not you want to be like your parents has far more to do with how they led themselves than what they taught you what they required of you what they demanded of you or even how they disciplined you why because you'll never be i'll never be we will never be leaders worth following in any capacity in any arena if we don't get the self-leadership thing down the second reason is this that exceptional self-leadership is the key to sustained influence now there's a difference between influence and authority you know that there's a difference between having influence and having a position or having a title but influence is there's a relationship between influence and how well a person leads themselves because we are rarely open to the influence of someone we don't respect and we don't generally generally respect people who don't lead themselves well so if you want to leverage if you want to leverage the respect if you want to gain respect if you want to maintain respect self-leadership is the name of the game there's no way around that it is an essential to developing a respectful relationship or respect in the minds and the hearts of the people you want to lead it has nothing to do with talent it has nothing to do with how educated you are it has everything to do with how well you lead your self you have respect for people who lead themselves well even if you've never met them if you have the impression if you're under the impression even from a distance a book you read something you saw or heard about this person when you have respect for someone you are open to their influence and at some point in all of our lives we want to have influence so the self-leadership thing is critical the third reason that this is a really really big deal and this is again they're all three related is that exceptional self-leadership is really the key ultimately to sustain performance because we know this whether we're talking about the home or the marketplace when a leader burns out or when a leader flames out or when a leader has to be taken out even when a father or a mother has to be taken out of a home it's generally because of poor self-leadership it's often related to self leadership another way of saying that is that great leaders great leaders last because they lead themselves first bottom line then i'm going to give you some handles for this we are no better i am no better you are no better we are no better than what we do and there is only one person that can make us do anything and it is the person in the mirror so this is a big deal whether you're a religious person or not this is a big deal so today i want to give you three decisions and there's more i mean books have been written all this articles dissertations have been written on this topic but i i just want to give you three decisions that are super practical as you think about becoming a better self-leader because your future depends on it and there's no this is an exaggeration your future depends on how well you lead yourself and for those of you with people who report to you for those of you who are organizational leaders again for those of you who are leading a family the people who report to you their futures depend on how well not how smart now how educated how well you lead yourself so real quick i'm going to give you three decisions decision number one and this is probably the most important i will not lie to myself even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself now here is something that you will not hear said much in culture today but this is true did you know there are worse things than feeling bad about yourself did you know that it's like what no no the worst thing in the world is to feel bad about myself so i need to tell myself whatever i need to tell myself to feel good about myself no there are worse things than feeling bad about yourself you know what's worse than feeling bad about yourself hanging on to what's bad about yourself that's worse than knowing what's bad about yourself and then feeling bad about yourself it is okay to feel bad about yourself if that motivates you to get rid of whatever it is that's bad about yourself i'm back in the 7th century bc um there was a prophet his name's jeremiah in fact jeremiah his prophecy is the longest book or the longest document in the entire um english bible and jeremiah was a prophet at a really unfortunate time he had a terrible assignment he was he was jewish he lived in jerusalem and god had warned the nation of israel over and over and over if you abandon my ways if you abandon my commandments if you worship other gods i'm just going to have to put you in time out that's what god said he said i'm going to send the babylonians we're going to take all the leaders we're going to send all the leaders to somewhere else time out we're going to leave all the farmers because king nebuchadnezzar was smart he wanted the ground tilled he wanted crops but he's going to take all the leaders and put them somewhere else and so god kept warning if you don't obey me i can't just sit back and do nothing i'm your father good fathers don't sit back and let the kids run wild they discipline their children so the prophet isaiah they went to the king and to the leaders and said okay it's gay it's game over okay it's too late you the babylonians are coming nebuchadnezzar's going to be outside the walls and imagine if this is your assignment to say to the king and you need to surrender the city there's no point in fighting there's no point in defending yourself it's too late open the gates fewer people will die less bloodshed just let them in well you can imagine how this went over so they took jeremiah and they put him in a dry well well it wasn't exactly dry because they're never dry so he's knee-deep in mud and it's kind of a funny story and he keeps prophesying anyway imagine that you're walking along and all of a sudden you hear this voice coming out of the ground repent repent you know you're like where's that king so so he he kept prophesying from the well well as part of this prophecy jeremiah makes this he says the lord told him to prophesy and made this amazing statement that just falls right in the center of this conversation and he makes a statement that we all know is true and for those of you who don't read the bible you but have one this has been sitting around in your house you you should read it here's what he said he said the lord told me to tell everybody the heart is deceitful above all things your heart my heart is deceitful above all things i mean how many things are there a lot of things which one's the most deceitful jeremiah says well god says your heart is the most deceitful and it's beyond cure there's no hope there's no hope it's again it's game over there's no hope who can understand it and the answer to the question who can understand the answer is no one and you don't even understand your own heart i don't understand my own heart at times right this is why we say i don't know why i did that jeremiah would say i know i don't know why i bought that jeremiah says i know i don't know why i called her back jeremiah and all your friends say i know i don't know why i said yes to that i don't know why i said yes to that again i don't know why i said yes to that for the third i don't what's wrong with me jeremiah says i'll tell you what's wrong it's on the inside of you your heart is deceitful the easiest person in the world for you to deceive the easiest person in the world for me to deceive is the person in the mirror nobody does a better job selling you on bad ideas than you you are a sucker for you as soon as you see something you want you start selling yourself the best thing the salesperson can do is just shut up and just let you sell yourself nobody's more effective at selling you on stuff than you are so effective self-leadership requires brutal that's why we don't do it brutal honesty with ourselves and here's why you can't lead yourself as long as you're lying to yourself have you ever tried to lead a liar if you're in marketplace if you lead a team at work if you leave do you know what you do with a liar you fire a liar you fire a liar you can't you can't work with a liar and so i think this is what jeremiah would suggest that's certainly what i think you would suggest to me if you were up here talking to me so i'm going to suggest it to you you need to fire the liar in you and you need to hire someone who will tell you the truth the difficult truth from now on i will not lie to myself from now on i will tell myself the truth that's the beginning that's the beginning of good self-leadership now here's a little one more little handle and we're going to go on to number two and and we've talked about this before at every juncture at every decision we all should hit pause and step back a little bit even if it's not physically stepped back but at least in on the inside stop and ask this question this is a powerful question why am i doing this why am i doing this i mean it's true we do things without asking why are we doing this and on the other side of the decision we ask this we ask another version of the same question what do we ask why did i do that so why not ask a better version of the question on the front side of the decision not why did i do that now it's too late why did i go there why did i wear that why did i buy that why did i release that why did i rent that you know why why why don't we on the front end ask before we make the decision why am i doing this and then here's the thing that punctuates it here's the thing that brings a little emotion to the question why am i doing this really why am i buying this really why am i saying this really why am i why is it so important to me that he knows that she knows really why am i eating this really why am i postponing this really why am i avoiding her really why am i going there really why am i wearing that really why really jesus made a powerful statement in this regard in fact if some of you don't know jesus said this because this is there's about three or four things that politicians quote from the bible always and this is one of them um the actual statement is and you should know the truth and the truth shall make you free and jesus was talking about something very specific but in this little this little formula he gives us it's so powerful that truth really does set us free truth will set you free but the opposite is true as well and this is jeremiah's point not only will truth set you free dishonesty will imprison you and if we are not careful we imprison ourselves when we are less than honest with our selves so come on you want to lead well at home you want to lead well at work you want to lead well even if you're just in charge of your homeowners association god bless you but whatever it is that you're leading right you've got to tell yourself we have to tell ourselves the unfiltered truth now here's a little trick okay to give you a little space okay if you tell yourself the unfiltered truth you don't have to actually do anything but at least you owe it to yourself to know if i was to act on what i know is true what is true why am i doing this really so decide decision number one i will not lie to myself even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself decision number two i will prioritize what i value most over what i want now this is what great self leadership is really all about this is the long term the long range the finish line the marathon approach to self great self leadership so let me explain it this way if you're a leader of anything let's take family out of the equation for just a minute if you're an organizational leader of any sort and you have a team you're leading you got to know what the goal is right you got to know what the destination is you got to know what you know what you're trying to accomplish as a team so if leading is about moving a group of people or moving even yourself in the direction toward a destination the question we should all ask when it comes to self-leadership is this where am i leading myself or where are you leading yourself if self-leadership is about moving in a direction what direction are we going in and the answer the correct answer the answer that you should adopt is that you are leading yourself toward what you value most not what you want now because what you want now is rarely what you value most now if you're a christian if you're a jesus follower there's a twist to this one and the twist is this if i have devoted myself and if i have surrendered myself the best i know how to god's will and specifically what jesus wants of me in other words if i say yes to the invitation that your heavenly father through his son extends to every single one of you and it's a simple invitation it's simply this follow me follow me follow me so if i really am a follower of jesus then i have to begin valuing what the one i follow values most now if you're not a christian hey do anything you want come up with your own values you know you figure it out and go for it but once a person decides you know what i i want to be a jesus follower then it is incumbent upon us to discover what does my savior value most and how do i arrange my life around what he values most and fortunately he told us you know what he said he said what i value most is this glorifying my father in heaven by loving the people that are made in his image i value most honoring god and demonstrating my honor and love for god by how i treat people do you know what jesus valued most you and the person to your left and your right and your friends and your family and the woman at work you don't even know her name but you see her every day and the person that you avoid because you really don't like them and your father in heaven says well you may not like them but i actually love them and i want you to figure out how to express value toward them here here's how jesus said it he got his guys in the room you know right before he was arrested he made a statement where all most of us are familiar with he said okay guys if you don't forget if you forget everything else you know here's kind of the bottom line for the three and a half or three years that we've been together he said i'm going to give you a brand new command and this brand new command is a synopsis of everything i've taught you if you forget everything else if you do this one thing if you do this one thing well you'll get it right when you get to the end you'll look back and go i got it right he said a new command i give you love one another to which they thought that's not new to what jesus said i'm not through as i have loved you so you must love one another we call this the platinum rule not the you know the golden rule the golden rule is i'm going to treat you the way i want you to treat me the platinum rule is i'm to treat you the way my father in heaven through christ treated me and it raises the standard it raises the bar and why would jesus give them this command because this is what he valued most he valued you is this important he said yeah it's important by this by this one command everyone's going to know you're my follower that you've decided to wrap your priorities around my priorities that you've decided to get your life in sync with my my life by this everyone will know that you're my disciple if you love one another then years later the apostle paul he's on the other side of the resurrection you know paul hated christians and then he became one it's such a fascinating story and the apostle paul he said it this way and this is this is so extreme that you may be tempted to go check it for yourself which that would be great here's what the apostle paul said he said this the only thing that counts in other words same as jesus if you forget everything else if you want to know what counts and what is count means count means value the thing that that i value most the thing that is most valuable the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love confidence in god that's what faith is confidence that god is who god says he is and will do what he promised to do confidence in god and love for other people that's where jesus followers go that's what they're leading toward in terms of their personal self leadership and that's where the people who follow them end up as well now when you hear that and i understand this you hear you hear something like that you go that's so soft you don't understand my job you don't know what i have to do you don't know the people i have to deal with i'm a public school teacher and you know the parents think they could do my job and they won't let you know or i you know i work in this specific industry and it's just cut through it or you know andy i i i just don't know that that can be my ultimate value and am i really gonna ever get anything done but let me put it in a couch a different way as well would you be happy with your life if at the end of your life you had lived your life with faith and love at the center of your life and i know the answer is yes because every funeral i have ever attended shouts yes as an answer to this question because every single funeral the good ones and the hey let's just don't look over there look the other way funerals you've ever been to one of those where it's like somebody's got to say something nice about this person i'd say what pastor just preaches the sermon and we'll go because i nobody wants to share go we're good you ever been to one of those you know three or four people there because nobody wants to talk and then you've been to a funeral that fills up a big room and there's people are lining up you know what you learn at every funeral don't miss this the value of a life is always measured in terms of how much of it was given away the value there's our word the value of a life is always determined by how much of it was given away so do you know where we are to lead ourselves if we're christ followers and you know what even if you're not a christian i suggest you try it anyway we are to lead ourselves toward valuing people because people matter and people count and along the way you will get a lot of other things accomplished as well but you still won't shape western culture okay so decision number one decision number one i'm not gonna lie to myself even if it makes me feel bad about myself decision number two i'm gonna prioritize what i value most over what i want now and the last decision we're gonna talk about is this one i will not attempt to lead myself by myself so let me just make this clear and you may not agree with this and you talk about it over lunch or talk about it later but you can't lead yourself by yourself in fact your history your positive history and the part that you hope no one finds out about both sides of your history underscore the reality of this you cannot lead yourself by yourself think about this your greatest regrets were with people you wish you'd never met i mean it's worse than that your greatest regrets involved friends that now you wish you never met you weren't with enemies you weren't with people who were against you your greatest regrets were with people that you liked and they liked you and you know what you shared you shared common interest but you may not have shared common values so consequently what he or she wanted now and what you wanted now ended up being a regret but you were with people you like why because we all do life with people and it's not enough to simply do life with people we like because your life will be shaped and influenced by the people that you spend time with our friends our friends determine the direction and the quality of our lives so again we can't lead ourselves by ourselves we need community you were designed you were created for community and you're gonna find it somewhere but you don't simply need to be in a community with people who share your common interests oh we like the same music we like the same restaurants we like the same concerts we like the vacation in the same place great you need to be surrounded with you need to be in community with people who share your values people who are moving in the same direction people who will tell you the unfiltered truth because they value you you can't lead yourself well by your self now the downside to this you can't lead yourself by yourself is this you may lose a friend or two once you decide i'm gonna get this right because value most is threatening to folks who are living for want now there is a conflict but that's okay you can do this now bottom line everybody come on everybody ends up in life somewhere right everybody's gonna end up somewhere in life right i want you to end up somewhere on purpose and there's only one person that can determine where you ultimately end up and it's not the person in the white house and it's not the person in the house or representatives and it's not even the person at the schoolhouse it is the person in the mirror because after all we face our greatest challenge we face our greatest leadership challenge every morning in the mirror but we face something else as well please don't miss this every morning you face someone who is made in the image of god and that person deserves the truth from you you face someone who was created for community and you face someone who does better when they prioritize what's most valuable over what they want now so come on lead yourself well the person in the mirror is depending on you and if you're a parent there's some little faces and some smaller mirrors who are depending on you as well and for those of you who are single here's what i know about you you are looking for someone who is leading themselves well so come on let's be authentic let's be genuine be the leader the leader you are looking for is looking for if you're looking for someone who's leading themselves well and i hope that's who you're looking for then you've got to become the person you're looking for if you do you will be easier to spot because nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing says more about you than how well you lead yourself so let's just decide i will not lie to myself even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself i will prioritize what i value most over what i want now and i'm going to spend the time i need to spend figuring out what is it i value most and i will not attempt to lead myself by myself if every american made these three decisions and stuck to it we would be greater than ever because at the end of the day our nation will never be greater than the americans in the mirror [Music] you

Channel: Your Move with Andy Stanley

Views: 297,769

Rating: 3.7782426 out of 5

Keywords: Andy Stanley, Your Move with Andy Stanley, Your Move, better decisions, fewer regrets, how to, how to be better at life, depression, depressed, self help, how to be happier, how to have a good life, how to make better choices, choices, decisions, regret, motivation, inspiration, leading yourself well, leading well, leadership, self leadership, self-leadership, my why, find your motivation, self reflection, bettering myself, how to lead well, how to lead yourself well, leading myself

Id: 6sT60VeHmd0

Length: 27min 59sec (1679 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 06 2020