How To Be A Mountain Biker

how to be a mountain biker follow these steps and you too can be like us step one buy a mountain bike buy a mountain bike that is more expensive than your car now that you own one bike buy five more for the following disciplines cross country trail enduro dirt jumping and freeride step two spend whatever little money you have left on new parts and make sure you can justify your purchases that'll be 700 wow what a great price i just saved 20 grams step 3 know what kind of mountain biker you are and dress appropriately downhill racer park rat cross country racer all mountain rider enduro rider dirt jumper free rider or a joey get used to people like your mother not understanding the sport we do what so you ride that hill in whistler do you write off cliffs oh you ride motorcycles step five learn basic mountain biker jargon such as the following stoked rad gnarly flow bro shred scrub shroud gap table oppo tweet zone loan roost bonk biff and bail your car should develop a smell similar to a hockey bag or the inside of a sweaty jock strap step seven there are more scars in your shins than stars in the sky step eight attempt to turn your significant other into a mountain biker as well proceed with caution as this is known to cause severe relationship problems step 9 fill your instagram with photos of the trailer you're riding or the back side of your handlebars step 10 make sure at least five of your facebook profile pictures are a photo of you riding taken by your up-and-coming amateur action sports photographer friend step 11. now get your amateur action sports videographer friend to make you a cliche three minute edit remember to include shots of you putting on your goggles follow cams down the trail and last but not least lots of nature shots step 12 always remember to save your nicest fox shirt for the fanciest of parties step 13 develop an affinity for craft beer have you tried this ipa you don't know what an ipa is it's even got a bike on it and while you're at it become a coffee snob as well familiarize yourself with the following key words french press fair trade burr grinder start collecting platinum flannel shirts remember there's no such thing as too much step 15 your favorite smell is now cedar it's time to let your significant other know that you will be converting your bedroom into a bike storage room that's right honey we can sleep in the living room step 17 as a mountain biker you're going to want to put stickers on everything customization has no limits step 18 you must teach your child how to ride a bike before they can walk step 20 acquire a trail dog and give them a cool mountain biking name like sprocket cog kona brody digger norbs or smoke step 21 buy a gopro and mount it directly on top of your helmet no one will think you look like an idiot with one of these on top of your head step 22 learn to know your enemy or rather enemies learn the three major wheel sizes 26 inch 27.5 inch and 29 inch now choose your favorite size and be a dick about it is that a 29er step 24 spend a surprising amount of time talking about trees whoa look at that tree wow this is some old growth wonder how old that tree is yo come check out this stump step 25 get used to eating a power bar for lunch and nothing else traveling by plane with a bike is expensive learn how to fit your bike into a hockey bag and remember it's just sporting equipment when you're not working you're riding when you're not riding you're digging because remember no dig no ride step 28 your new addiction is carbon although healthier than cocaine it is more expensive and finally now that you're broke and your girlfriend has left you go ride your damn bike what did we miss leave a comment in the comment section [Music] below [Music] you

Channel: IFHT Films

Views: 7,174,218

Rating: 4.9401488 out of 5

Keywords: ifht, ifockinghatethat, fcking, focking, hate, that, canada, canadians, vancouver, matt, jason, comedy, funny, Mountain Biking (Sport), bicycle, how to, how to be, trail, purchase, buy, first, beginning, tutorial, pinkbike, nsmb, dirt jumps, freeride, downhill, cross country, park, whistler, faster than you, Ride, steps, lesson, 650b, 29er (Bicycle Type), Bike, Cycling, Riding

Id: WPVRU7jSYkQ

Length: 4min 3sec (243 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 23 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/DrHelminto]

Pretty accurate video.

Specially when you have to be a dick when it comes to wheel sizes.

[u/panda_foo]

God.... I even have a dog named Raleigh....

[u/MarshallX]

Holy shit, that was incredibly well done and accurate.

[u/twall788]

It's funny because it's true.

[u/[deleted]]

Yeah, what is with the whole flannel thing. Why flannel?

[u/marvin_sirius]

Is a Joey the MTB equivalent of a Fred, or what?

[u/lifeis11]

yikes yeah. I'm almost all of these - beer snob, coffee snob, stickers, flannel, whole room of bikes, go pro, tree nut, etc. pretty adamant about my 29" wheels also, though Id like to think I'm not a dick about it.

[u/shinseiromeo]

Wow, nailed it. I can even picture the guy who fits this perfectly. They did forget the huge beard too though.

[u/NeanderStaal]

I wish Denver was in it more :(

edit: the 'trail dog' in the video, not the city.