- And now I
understood why he said you don't wanna
do the fourth hit, because you're tripping nuts. Here's the fourth hit,
and I was like, "Ugh." And he was like.
(breathes deeply) Hi, I'm Ryan Leader, and this is the time I smoked
DMT and became a sperm. It was after a really
long night of drinking, like an excessive
amount of drinking. We ended up at my friend's
girlfriend's apartment, which was like one of those
fake Italian villages, like her dad paid for it. I ended up outside on a patio and I'm sitting there
with this kid named Nolan that I used to hang out with. And he was hitting what
looked like a weed pen. "You want some DMT?" "What? No." And he was like, "All right
man, it'll change your life." I'm just sitting, thinking
about my whole life I've had a good life. If I do DMT and this puts me
in a psych ward, I'm good. So I was like, "You
know what? Let's do it." My best friend was
sitting across from me and he was like, "Are you
actually gonna do this?" And I was like,
"Yeah, I think so." And he was like, "Well we always said that
we're gonna do it together." And I was like,
"You wanna do it?" And he was like, "No." And I was like, "All right, so I'm just gonna
do it by myself." And then Nolan, he was like, "Hey, you have to
hit this four times, and you're not gonna want
to hit it the fourth time." So I was like (breathes deeply) I was like, "Okay." And then the second one
came in and I was like, "Ugh, I don't like how
I'm really feeling. This is really weird." The third hit. (breathes deeply) And when I breathed
out, I was like, everything started moving. And now I understood why he said you don't wanna
do the fourth hit because you're tripping nuts. Here's the fourth hit
and I was like, "Ugh." And he was like.
(breathes deeply) Real life, I just leaned back
and very calmly sat here. But in my brain, what
happened was, when I blew out, it was like I collapsed
out of my body. My soul got sucked
out of my brain. And as I'm collapsing,
Nolan, he shushes two people that were talking
in the other room. And he goes, "Hey, hey. Shh, shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh, shh." And his shush got reverberated and I'm shooting
down this tunnel. All I can see is purple
and green spirals. (Ryan mimics whooshing) And it felt like this
never ending portal. And I just kept hearing
the reverberation of, "Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh, shh." It felt like just my
consciousness, like, going down this tunnel. When I got launched
down the tunnel, it felt like I was
leaving a father figure. And it's not me, it's not a
body, 'cause it wasn't me. Like, I don't even know
what I was anymore. I just was like this
ball, getting ejaculated, and I was like
looking for the egg. And I was like, "Where's my mom? Where's my mom? Where's my mom? Where's my mom?" I don't know.
Like, that's weird. I don't wanna say that
I love my mom's eggs. And as soon as I opened my eyes, I shot up off the couch. And I jumped up and I was
like, "Am I, am I back? Am I back? Am I
back? Am I back?" And they were like,
"Yeah, you're back. You're back, you're
back, you're back." And they're like,
"It was 30 seconds. What are you talking about?" And I was like, "Am I back? Am I back? Am I back?" And then I'm just looking
around at this Italian village and it's like, (mimics
static flickering) And I was like, "Is
this gonna stop? Is this gonna stop?" And Nolan's like, "Yeah, yeah. Sit, sit, sit." And then I just sat
there and I was like, "Ah, ah!" and I just
started bawling my eyes out. And then I was convinced
I was gonna shit myself, piss myself, like I was crying, and then I just like, he held me in his arms and
he was like, "It's okay. You're coming out of it." And I just was
crying really hard, wanting to shit,
wanting to piss, and then I just said like, "I was dead for months. I was dead for months. I was dead for months." And then I was okay. I went home and I
was really scared, like, when I put my head
down on my pillow that night that I was never
gonna be the same. But then I woke up and
the birds were chirping and it was bright
and I was like, "Yes! I'm still me." So why the DMT helped change
a lot of things in my life. When I was like 10,
on my 10th birthday, we were all gathering
around singing, and my mom said a
sentence that like, really fucked up a
good while of my life. And she didn't mean anything
by it, she just said, "Hey, you're never gonna
be a single digit again!" And I was like, "Ha ha. What do you mean?" And she was like, "You're 10. You're never gonna be
a single digit again." And that's the first existential
crisis I've ever had. I was like, "Holy
shit, I'm never. This doesn't stop.
You're gonna die. Everyone's gonna die, ah." And I got really scared. And then when I did
DMT, I was like, "Yep. I knew somewhere
in the universe, I'm nine, I'm seven, I'm six, and I'm 90 and I'm dying and I'm alive all
at the same time." I'm basically Matthew
McConaughey in "Interstellar," not "Dallas Buyer's Club." (no audio)
