How Parents Mess Up Children - AskReddit

no is a bad word what harmful things are being taught to children what to think instead of how to think I tried finding the study that I'm thinking about but I can't seem to find it on Google the gist of the study was that they took two groups of kindergartners one group of kindergartners was given a type of toy and specifically told that it makes noise the other group of kindergartners was given the toy but not told whatsoever what that toy does the group that was specifically told with the toy does only played with the toy to make it make noise the other group that was not told what it does was able to play with a toy and found that the toy not only makes noise but lights up stretches etc the conclusion of the study was that when children are told something rather than letting them figure it out themselves they're less likely to work out problems and experience for themselves I strongly believe this feeds into adulthood with standardized testing in multiple-choice questions I don't know what an educational system without those types of tests would look like but I certainly hope we continuously work towards improving a teaching style that has shown to limit problem-solving skills how to internalize stress and implode as teens and adults true story my parents used to make fun of me when I cried they even created a mock song to sing whenever I started crying so guess what I stopped crying 27 years later I can't cry at all and I can't tell others about my stress levels without getting upset bTW my parents are really nice people but I was their first child in the early 90s so they didn't really know - how deal with a crying child being wrong is bad that's why many people don't change their mind when they were given trustable sources they don't want to be wrong I am a high school teacher so many kids don't do anything because they're afraid of making a mistake how else are you going to learn it's really sad seeing a kid gets so relaxed when I say mistakes are okay that failure is bad failing should not be considered as an obstacle but a step in the learning process demonizing the failure and stigma associated with it makes many children lose their interest once they fail but also the humiliation that comes with failing if failure is to be considered a learning process then people need to be taught not to laugh at the people who have failed that they shouldn't question an adult because of that logic many kids think that every adult is responsible and trustworthy when in reality it's clearly not the case it was a really weird thing going through college because I began to think more for myself and question adults it makes you realize how complicated the world is because as a kid you assume exactly as you've said my mom would often punish me for something and whenever I asked why or what I did I was told I'm the adult and you are the child or because I said so or you shouldn't need a reason someone replied my husband and I often tell our daughter why she's getting a punishment or asked her if she knows why she's being punished and if she can't tell us we tell her what she did wrong that teaches her that we aren't doing it for no reason and it teaches her that her choices and actions have consequences you do not have to play with everyone there is a total lack of social accountability if Laura is always cheating at tag it's okay to not let her play if Little Billy throws sand in the sandbox little Timmy does not have to play with him Laura and Billy need to learn how to play appropriately my son's preschool has a strict you do not have to play if you don't want a policy no one has to play with anyone they don't want to play with no one has to hug or touch anyone or be touched if they don't want it no one has to share their toys or other school supplies if they aren't done with it in fact the preschool teacher will go over in referee and say has bobby done with a toy car no then Mikey you have to wait until he is done it's pretty refreshing I wanted to let you know there are new philosophies and my son's preschool really strongly teaches body your body is your own and no one can touch it or make you do anything with it without your permission a kid sucker-punched my son my son then fought back and pinned the kid against the wall he has long arms and punched him a few times the school called me and my wife and told us our son was suspended we went to the school and they said even though multiple witnesses as well as the kids said he threw the first punch that the school had a zero tolerance policy saw our son would be suspended we asked what the school believed our son should have done and they said he should just walk away we told them that he would not be receiving any punishment at home and that the policy was messed up children do learn about sex at a young age it just isn't usually in a productive way I know I did my own experience questions like this are why I believe in being infinitely clear with my kids you are going to hear total crap from other kids if you hear something you don't understand come talk to me you can ask me anything and expect a decent answer and I would give examples of the total crap I had heard as a kid most of which would result in pregnancy son age six daughter age seven riding home from school daughter says Tiffany said she had sex with my brother which left me a grand total of three minutes to gather my wits before we got home okay do you guys know what sex is blank looks sex is when you take off all of your clothes and rub privates together you can make babies that way looks of shock and disgust do you think your brother had sex with Tiffany no I think she was using a really bad way of trying to say she likes him and maybe she watches the wrong TV shows worth people like each other they always have sex were my kids really ready for a sex talk no not really they didn't care did we really need to have one about then yep my job as a parent is to be there to put things that come up in context for them not run around after them deciding what and when they need to know things no backtalk many adults use it as you're not allowed to challenge what I have to say makes sense if it's a cranky toddler being negative for negativities sake but suddenly older children can't question things or raise valid points of their own I saw a reddit thread about a woman whose parents accidentally borrowed money for her brother's bank account to buy their house since they had access to both his and the woman's whenever the brother visited and they got in a fight he would yell how dare you act like this under my roof no is a bad word it's a strong word but not a bad one I'm 25 and two weeks ago I was seeing my therapist and we were discussing my difficulty with turning things down like if my boss texts me and asks me to come in an hour early and I don't want to I'll usually just agree so there's no friction between us I told her I get really anxious sometimes when I get texts asking me for things or asking me to do things because I don't always have a reason not to do them even if I don't want to and so i internally freaked out trying to figure out how to respond her response was no as a complete sentence 25 decently educated veteran and I finally grasped the concept that know is not only not a bad word it's enough of a reason in and of itself I wish my parents had instilled that in me I wish schools had given us that option or insight but they didn't and I really hope younger kids learned that no is enough and if kids go into software development or many other fields to be honest they are going to struggle with the agile methodology of fail often fail fast fail better they can become perfectionist which runs very counter to a fast changing quick delivering culture perfection is the enemy of done nobody cares about children's and teens issues well it's only going to get worse from here you think school is hard have you ever paid a bill you're just a kid you can't feel this way it breeds an emotional disconnect from parents and their kids and makes kids feel alone in their emotional struggles that nobody cares because they're not adults and they don't have adult problems listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you no matter what if you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big because to them all of it has always been big stuff Kathryn Wallace to repress their emotions it will only cause them to bottle them up and accumulate them to the point of exploding in an instant I watched a set video of a child from a third world country getting his foot scraped for chiggers the man holding the camera who I assume was the boy's father kept saying to him it's wrong for a man to cry silent tears it also might have been to keep the kid from screaming in the doctors ear but still he was like eight probably not harmful but in kindergarten we were prohibited from playing soccer because it was too dangerous we were kindergarteners we probably would stand there and kick the ball not go full-on fifa every time a kid got hurt on the playground whatever they were doing was banned they'd bend the monkey bars the climbing wall then the swings then balls until they finally banned running all together all we could do was stand around and look at the playground we couldn't play any games because stuff like pokemon cards Bakugan and Japanese erasers were all banned too luckily these bans only lasted a few months long enough for the overprotective moms threatening to sue to calm down which I always found funny because it was very clear they weren't concerned about safety but with getting in trouble with parents otherwise Ben's would be permanent making children hug or kiss someone usually a relative that they are uncomfortable with is not good the child may just be grumpy and are not wanting to show affection or their warning bell sensors could be going off and they do not know how to communicate that plus forcing them to hug or kiss sends mixed messages about personal and physical boundaries and affection itself that complaining is the same as not being grateful can count the number of times growing up when adults basically told me to shut up whenever I was complaining about something and that I should be grateful that I was born where I was like sure I'm glad I wasn't born into some starving African family but that doesn't mean everything is perfect over here and that we shouldn't try to improve things here as well political views at ages that children are really too young to understand them they just spout off their parents thoughts the worst part is they repeat them and hear the same political views so much that they internalize it when they are older enough to question it they then have an identity crisis because the things their parents said don't make sense when examined a little further so like anyone else when your views come under scrutiny you dig a deeper trench and pretty much develop an unspoken pledge of loyalty to your political party that everybody is a winner no losing and disappointments are part of life and they are integral to your growth both emotionally and socially we have a lot of people who enter the real world who have been told they are deserving of things just because and cannot take rejections and losses in their personal and professional life's with any grace whatsoever this is also resulting in mediocrity being accepted as a norm because nobody wants to call out an aptitude while the hard work and dedication being put in by people who do end up in good positions are being played down it's a little harsh but it's true kids gotta learn how to lose before they can truly start to win that's the only way being gracious in victory will ever come about history from a single perspective I am a history teacher and I firmly believe one of the most damaging things schools do is teach history from a single perspective especially a Eurocentric one it just isn't how history works and causes lots of issues for any person or group who doesn't share that single perspective PS teaching what I call great men history is almost as bad history was made by more than presidents inventors and celebrities teaching only about significant figure after significant figure minimizes the impact of the 99.99% of the population that isn't super famous this is more a high school level but that trade schools are learning a trade is not worse compared to a standard college degree trade schools and learning a skilled trade need just as much emphasis as a college degree along those same lines collage or trade school show be treated as a busy investment time should be taken for kids and teens to examine how long it will take to repay their schooling and if that degree is worth the money especially now with previous generation living longer and staying in the job market longer combined with more and more people graduating with degrees there is more supply and the demand is not growing evenly in all areas of expertise it's not exclusively about what is taught but how it is taught for many children it seems like that many things are taught in absolutes boys don't cry and girls have to behave like little princess but these things are optional and definitely not the only right thing to do girls can drive heavy machinery and boys should be allowed to cry a fact crying is healthy keep in mind these are examples for the sake of simplicity also to get back to how things are taught seen from a totally different perspective a lecture as one teacher who is sixty year old and hasn't had an upgrade on how to teach children standing in front of 30 14 year-olds telling them about mathematics is not the way to go there are girls and boys in one classroom which is enough distraction at this age and even a window seems far more interesting I'm not the guy who can give you the better option on how to improve everything but I think how it is done today is not ideal thanks for listening to radio TTS hit the subscribe button and activate the notification bell for more controversial videos click the right box for the society lies to you playlist let us know in the comments what you think about these stories

Channel: Radio TTS

Views: 77,340

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Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, best of reddit, askreddit, reddit story, ask reddit, reddit cringe, askreddit funny, reddit funny, r/askreddit, top posts, reddit best, r/, reddit top posts, askreddit top posts, reddit top post, radio tts harmful children, Bad parenting, children, poor parenting effects, Kids, Bad parents, parenting fails, parenting

Id: XmR0Yg9iPVo

Length: 13min 29sec (809 seconds)

Published: Fri May 29 2020