How Love Lasts A Lifetime with Tom Holladay

if you happen to come in a little bit late and didn't hear pastor Rick's announcement things will look a little different this weekend the flowers behind me it's not the Kentucky Derby we actually are here for marriage renewal weekend at Saddleback and in a few minutes Pastor Rick and Kay are going to come out and lead a bunch of couples in a renewal of their marriage vows to be really really enjoyable to do that together but before that I want to take a second to talk to all of us about what is it that causes a love to last what's what are the qualities what are the decisions what are the choices that happened that caused love to last there's a verse in the Bible it's in your program in the notes or it's up on the screen you can look up there first Peter 1:22 says you must keep on loving with all your heart you must keep on loving with all your heart my question is how do you do that how do you keep on loving with all your heart for a lifetime well we're going to talk for a few moments about four things you have to do I have to do if love's going to last in any relationship particularly we're going to focus for the next few minutes on a marriage relationship now I would say if you're single you ought to be intensely interested in these four qualities because these are the qualities that you're looking for in somebody that you might marry someday and even if you think you're never gonna get married these are still qualities you can encourage in the marriages that are around you I'm glad you're here tonight if you're single to encourage marriages and I want you to know if you're single how much God wants you to use you to encourage marriages don't forget the Apostle Paul who wrote some of the most inspired by inspired by God messages about marriages ever written he was single when he wrote those those words so God wants to use you use all of us so what happens how does it happen that love can last a lifetime what are the things that need to happen for things if you want to love with all your heart first of all you got to listen with all your heart to love with all your heart you got to listen with all your heart you have to use your ears you have to understand the other person you have to care for the other person by the way that you hear the other person you have to do what this famous verse in James 1:19 talks about I understand this my dear brothers and sisters you must all be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to get angry so quick to listen it's the first decision but in a relationship you realize that it's not always the easy decision in a relationship we often think about ourselves think about what's going on in our lives there are things that you have to do to listen you don't automatically listen at least I don't I automatically think about what I'm thinking about so you have to in a relationship that's going to last you have to build in ways to listen to each other a few years ago Shondell and I my wife and I fell on something that's really helped us with communication we walked together most days we walk a couple miles together and that's a built in time for communication just about every day it's wonderful for Shondell she knows every day we've got this built in time we're gonna be able to talk with each other and then I know while we're talking I can see the end of the conversation I can see it getting closer and closer I know when it's going to end it's a great thing God made us all differently wired us all differently a couple of years ago we were walking I don't remember we were disagreeing about but we disagreed about something got the the argument got so heated that we actually just turned opposite directions and walked opposite directions while we're on this walk only problem is we forgot we were on a loop and eventually we're gonna meet again anyway that's the way it is with communication you're on this loop you're going to meet again anyway so why not take the time to connect to communicate now one of the keys to listening is realizing you have to listen to them like they want to say it a lot of us think if you could just say it like I want to hear it then I could understand it no you got to listen like they want to say it and understand it because we're different especially in marriage men and women vastly different and we want to say it differently so listening is listening to them the way they want to share it the way they want to say it when in our marriage when we're telling a story if I'm telling a story I want to tell it like a jet I mean I want to get off the ground as quickly as possible get to the point as quickly as possible and land that thing that's how I want to tell a story what's happening when chandelle tells a story she doesn't tell it the same way she's got a different way of telling a story there's more like a helicopter than a jet I mean we're here we're going over here but she takes off and then she goes over here for a little while not over there but over here and just sort of hovers for a little while and over here in hovers for a little while and eventually we're gonna get over here and me my jet mentality I'm thinking when are we gonna get to the point but the point is the story for her not getting to the point the point is sharing for her she's wired differently than I am and I can get frustrated I have gotten frustrated that she doesn't get to the point as quickly as I would like but then I wanting to listen like I want to listen not like she wants to say it one of the keys to listening is loving somebody enough to let him say it like they want to say it you got to listen with all your heart if Love's gonna last there's a second thing you and I have to do if Love's gonna last and that is you have to forgive with all your heart you got to forgive with all your heart now I would say the first thing to understand about forgiveness before we even get there is the difference between acceptance and forgiveness they're very different acceptance is accepting somebody for who they are their false their failings their humanists their differences sometimes we confuse this and we act like we're forgiving someone when really we just need to accept them for being different than us or just having normal human failings you know I I forgive him for forgetting to put out the trash that's not a forgiveness issue that's just an acceptance issue I forgive her for spilling makeup in my car that's just an accident it's an acceptance issue I forgive him for forgetting that date I forgive her for being late those are just usually acceptance issue I forgive him for leaving that toilet seat up in Jesus name I forgive him one more time that's an acceptance issue unless he left it up taking I'm gonna ruin her day which that's between him and the Lord he's got lots of problems that we thinking but usually it's just an acceptance issue a lot of things we call forgiveness are just acceptance there's a verse in Romans chapter 15 Romans 15 7 says accept one another then just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God it brings praise to God when we accept each other that verse is the verse that Shondell and I had read as we were walking down the aisle our wedding out into our new life because we knew there were going to be a lot of opportunities to accept each other the rest of our lives together so there is acceptance and there is also forgiveness there is certainly forgiveness in a relationship there's forgiveness in a marriage one sinner marries another sinner if you're going to love for a lifetime obviously those sins are going to affect each other at times and because of that we have to forgive each other we have to do with a fees in chapter 4 verse 32 talks about again and again and again be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you the only way you're going to have the power to forgive somebody else your husband your wife anybody else is by the power of the fact that Jesus Christ has forgiven you someone has said that marriage is the union of two great forgivers you got to forgive if love is going to last a lifetime third thing you and I have to do for love to last is you got to be humble with all your heart be humble listen with all your heart forgive with all your heart and then be humble with all your heart I could have said be unselfish but the truth is humility is really the attitude the decision that's behind any unselfishness in your life so you be humble with all your heart you do what Philippians 2:3 talks about do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves humility is the way to be unselfish unselfishness is not I'll give you this this time and then you give me that next time that's just doing business that's not unselfishness unselfishness goes to the depth of I consider you as more important than me consider one another is more important than yourselves we're supposed to do that for everyone so obviously we're to do that in a marriage now by the way considering somebody else more important doesn't mean you have to consider yourself as less important you're important you're important in God's sight God loves you in fact when you recognize how important you are in God's sight that gives you the power to consider somebody else more important that's what it means to be unselfish Shondell and I we're at a wedding together a couple years ago now and we were before the wedding we were sitting at the Shondell was taking some pictures there were some empty seats so you could sort of see who was coming in and sitting down and I I saw this drama starting to happen a couple rows in front of us with a couple you could just sort of see there was some tension going on you can see it in their body language and there's these these sort of angry whispers going back and forth and you know weddings sometimes can be boring but this was interesting so I'm watching what's what's going on here and pretty soon they got so upset that they actually moved to see depart so they're sitting there a see depart for the wedding and the wedding starts the pastor gets up but he starts to talk about love love is patient and it's kind and it's not jealous and it doesn't keep accounts and the whole time that he's talking there is this tension that I'm seeing growing of that chair that empty chair that's between them and you know what the tension is the drama is is one of them going to move into that chair is somebody going to be humble enough to move over and reestablish the relationship by the way one of them did they moved over and rheostat put arms around each other it was it was I don't remember who got married that day but I do remember that couple that was in front of me in your marriage there's often this space there's the tension of that space and sometimes it does happen in an argument often it happens in an argument we argue with each other were apart from each other the question the humble choice the unselfish choice is who's going to move into that empty space who's going to move towards the other person and I know how it goes we say well I moved last time it's his turn it's her turn to move this time I'm not moving this time I'm not doing it so we sit a chair apart in our stubbornness and our relationship gets worse and worse listen in marriage if you're keeping score you've already lost it's not a game it's a relationship and relationships are all about humility relationships are all about somebody taking the risk to move into that space and it is a risk no matter how long you've been married it's the risk of maybe I'll get rejected maybe it won't work but the people who take that risk the couples who take that risk again and again and again they're making the humble choice the unselfish choice and that is the choice that causes relationships to last it can happen in arguments it can happen in your love life in your sex life all of a sudden you haven't been connecting for a while and nobody's talking about it nobody's saying anything about it but the tension of that empty chair is getting worse and worse and worse who's gonna have the courage who's going to take the risk to say something about it to move towards the other person in a perfect relationship I guess we'd move at the same time and bump into each other trying to get into the empty chair but that never happens it's always going to be somebody and the Bible says here I'm to consider everybody else more important than me so it should always be me I should never look to the other person to be the first one it should always be me that makes the unselfish choice that's how every one of us should feel be humble with all your heart and then there's a fourth thing for you and I to do for love to last a lifetime to love with all your heart you love God with all your heart love God with all your heart do what Jesus taught us to do when it came to our relationship with God mat mark chapter 12 verse 30 Jesus taught us love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul with all your mind and with all your strength listen God created you God created marriage and so when you connect with God all of a sudden you've connected with the one who can strengthen you in your marriage like nobody else he has your best interest at heart he has the best interest of your marriage at heart like nobody else so connecting with him is the most powerful thing you can do to strengthen your marriage it's that old illustration picture of the of the triangle the three-way relationship in a marriage you've got a husband you've got a wife two people but also God at the top of the triangle is involved in that relationship and the truth of the matter is when we try to get closer to each other on a human plane and a marriage it doesn't always work past us in the way words are in the way many times things we don't even understand about ourselves get in the way and we feel like I just can't get closer to this person but if you will get closer and closer to God each of you you'll find yourself inevitably getting closer to each other that's just the way it happens in relationships so you love God with all your heart one of the great things to me about this weekend is I know a lot of couples who are renewing their commitment when they first were married love the Lord yet they didn't love God yet they since then become followers of Jesus Christ so this is going to be a recommitment but now it's in God's sight now it's knowing that God is the one who's going to strengthen this relationship so you want to love for a lifetime you want to love with all your heart you do these four things you listen with all your heart you forgive with all your heart you be humble with all your heart you love God with all your heart I don't know about you I cannot do this on my own strength this is not a matter of me figuring it out this is a matter of me needing God's strength to do these things that he's calling me to do and he's willing to give you that strength on a daily basis day by day by day so let's ask him for the strength to do these things in our relationships right now today would you pray with me let's pray together and father we come to you and we ask for strength for this day just one day at a time we need your strength and so we we asked for strength to listen to hear be quick to hear to love by listening we asked for your strength to forgive with all our heart Jesus would you give us a freedom to forgive in our hearts like we've never had before because of your love for us would you give us the strength to be humble Jesus your humble you can strengthen us to be humble and would you give us the strength today to love you because you've loved us so much we need your strength we humbly ask for it in Jesus name we ask for it amen don't these couples look great yeah you guys look great and the first thing I want to say to all of those of you standing here at the front relax take a deep breath this is going to be fun we're going to have a good time together and I want to welcome all of our 14 campuses and there will be crowds like this standing at each of the campuses there and now if you're sitting in any of our 14 campuses and you're by your husband or your wife you'd like to join in this - I want to invite you to just stand up right now put your arm around your husband or your wife as we begin this service together great now joining Kay and me on stage are Jerry and Irene doer they met in Los Angeles in 1954 they married in 1960 which means they've been married for 55 years in April congratulations yeah okay oh so these guys were 17 when they got married and that's lasted 55 years and Jerry and Irene have been a part of our family since Saddleback Church since 1981 they've been members for 34 years a Saddleback Church every I love you guys well to everybody who's standing I want to say three things first God is proud of you God is pleased with you and the reason why is you made a vow and you kept it you've kept it because you didn't just make a vow to your husband or wife you made a vow to God till death do us part and in an era of disposable relationships and quick divorces and easy outs you are a model of commitment and it has not always been easy everybody agree with that yeah now yeah I heard some really big amens just there okay yeah and in fact when we do renew the vows in just a minute this renewal of your vows is actually more significant than your wedding vows because now you know what you're getting into when you got married you were all dewy-eyed and dreamy and you had all of this vision that everything was going to be perfect the rest of your you know that's not true and you know where their ups and downs and highs and lows are some days you don't want to be married but you kept a vow and you stayed committed and you work through the tough times and you can work through any tough time if you will not give up and if you'll be unselfish as Tom talked about and learn to grow and so God is smiling on you for your commitment second thing I want to say I'm out of you case proud of you and its pastor this church it's an honor to be your pastor because you are a model of commitment for a whole next generation the Saddleback people are growing up in this church and people can look on stage and go hey there are marriages that last there are marriages that last and in there all done composed by imperfect people and so I'm proud of you and I it's an honor to be your pastor then I want to say our church is proud of you because you are a model not just for our church but for the whole community now you know from the very beginning of time it's been God's plan for men and women to get married God thought this up marriage was God's idea sex was God's idea family was God's idea what a God and when God created the universe the Bible says he he made a perfect environment and he put Adam in a perfect paradise and yet God looked at him and said it is not good first time God had said it's not good everything he created he said it's good but he when he said Adam is along it's not good for man to be alone and so he created a wife a partner a helper a lover a companion for life and he created Eve and when he joined them together he said it was very good when you study the book of Genesis the first three chapters God loves to take opposites and put them together and create something new and so he starts with taking heaven and earth opposites and creating the universe and then he creates land and sea opposites and creates earth he creates animals and plants and then he creates men and women and he creates opposites and he put something together that is new and different because they are opposite you've heard me say before that before you get married opposites attract after you get married opposites attack and all those cute things you thought were so different about your the person you were dating six months in your wedding you're going excuse me could you be more like me and so you have stuck with it now God knew that even before you were married in fact a thousand years before you were born God knew that on this day you would stand here at Saddleback Church and renew your vows of commitment to each other and God says it is very good now you don't need to look at me for this part so I want you to turn to your spouse and hold their hands as we say our vows together and guys we'll go first and you just repeat after me and then ladies we'll go through it for you and so you're gonna have to put your wife's name where I say Kay obviously because you you can't renew your commitment to her so I take you Kay to be my wife and before God and all of these witnesses I recommit my life and my love to you and I promise to value you above all others to respect you and to value our differences which are enormous I just threw that part in okay I promise to be your greatest supporter and encourage her I promise to serve your needs as best I can I promise to forgive you and be quick to ask forgiveness I promise to grow in loving and serving God with you I love you with all of my heart and I will for all of my life with God's help I'll make our home a place of joy as long as we both shall live ladies I think they mean it alright then you'll put in your husband's name here I take you to be my husband I take you Rick to be my husband and before God and all these witnesses and before God and all these witnesses I recommit I recommit my life and my love my life and my love to you to you and I promise and I promise to value you above all others to value you above all others to respect you to respect you and to value our differences in to value our differences I promise I promise to be your greatest supporter and encourage you to be your greatest supporter and greatest encouragement I promise to serve your needs as best I can I promise to serve your needs as best I can I promise to forgive you I promise to forgive you cuz you're gonna need it a lot because you already needed it guys as Tom said you married a sinner but she married a bigger one all right and I promise to be quick to ask forgiveness I promise to be quick to ask for forgiveness I promise to grow and loving and serving God with you I promise to grow in loving and serving God with you I love you with all of my heart I love you with all of my heart and I will for all of my life and I will all of my life and with God's help with God's help I'll make our home a place of joy I'll make our home a place of joy as long as we both shall live as long as we both shall live hmm now when you got married you gave rings the ring is a symbol of several things first it's an unbroken circle representing that your love and your vow and your commitment is to never be broken it's unending and second it is made of purest metal alloy gold silver representing the purity of your love for each other guys I want you to take your wife's hand and I want you to put your finger or thumb on her wedding ring which she probably can't get off I'm an equal-opportunity offender and I want you guys to repeat after me I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and with that I promise to always be faithful to you till death do us part alright ladies if you take your husband's hand and I'm sure he can't get his ring off oh no doubt not a chance and if you'll put your just touch that ring and repeat after me I give you this ring I give you this ring as a symbol of my love as a symbol of my love and with it I promise and with it I promise to always be faithful to you to always be faithful to you till death do us part till death do us part there would be no love in the universe if God wasn't God of love the Bible says God is love if the creator of the universe was not loving you would have no love in your life there would be no love in the universe it all comes from God and if you want to learn how to build a strong marriage study the Bible first Corinthians 13 is the most classic passage on love ever written in the Bible let me read it to you from the message paraphrase it defines not what society thinks love is but what God says real love is first Corinthians 13 no matter what I say no matter what I believe no matter what I do I am bankrupt without love love never never gives up love cares more for others than for self love doesn't want what doesn't have love is not prideful it does not strut it doesn't have a swelled head it doesn't force itself on others love isn't always me first love doesn't fly off the handle love doesn't keep score of the sins and faults and failures of others and love doesn't revel when others grovel instead love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth love puts up with anything love always trust God and love always looks out for the best in others love never looks back but it keeps going looking forward to the end because real love real love never dies I want to pray a prayer of blessing on all of you couples would you bow your heads Heavenly Father this is the day that you have made and we will rejoice and we will be glad in it and I thank you for all of these couples in all of our campuses who are standing right now and today father is their pastor I pray this blessing on their marriages when life is difficult may they help each other and when life is sad may they comfort each other when life is fun may they enjoy each other and when life is confusing may they guide each other when life is fearful may they strengthen each other and when they degree disagree I pray that they will understand each other when they differ I pray that they would respect each other and when they misunderstand may they listen to each other father I pray that when they're tempted that they will support each other and when they fail may they forgive each other and when they dream great daring faith dreams may they believe in each other and when they're discouraged may they hold on to each other and I pray for these couples that for however many days you give them in the future together that they will experience greater joy greater harmony greater intimacy and greater ministry and service together for your glory I pray that you'll make the world a better place because of their love and I pray that they would be more effective in serving you by serving others by being together than they would ever be in serving as individuals and I pray that their intimacy will deepen and may the torch of their love grow stronger and brighter and warmer year after year after year and I pray this blessing in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit amen now guys the part that you have been waiting for by the authority vested in me by this church and by God and as your pastor I now reap renounce you husband and wife men you may kiss your bride you

Channel: Saddleback Church

Views: 35,740

Rating: 4.8921833 out of 5

Keywords: Marriage, Vow Renewal, Marriage Vows, Love, Love that lasts, Saddleback Church, Rick Warren, Kay Warren, Tom Holladay

Id: YicUi255big

Length: 30min 47sec (1847 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 15 2015