How Have You Traumatized Your Parents?

how have you traumatized your parents when I was in eighth grade I was staying the night at my friend's house and it so happened that one of my favorite movies a Christmas story was going to be playing on TBS my family didn't have cable and I knew everyone would enjoy watching it on Christmas at my house so I asked my buddy if we could record it onto VHS so I could take it home he grabbed a blank tape from his dad's office popped it in the VCR and we recorded Ralphy and his Christmas shenanigans - the following day I went home and told my parents and siblings that I had a copy of the movie they were ecstatic and we all agreed to watch it the following week on Christmas Eve Christmas Eve rolls around and my parents brothers about five and eight years old sister 7 years old and myself gather around the TV to watch the movie I rewind the tape to beginning and press play for the next three seconds although it felt like an hour my entire family and I watched a woman sucking a large dong before a quickly cut to a Christmas story we had obviously taped over one of my friend's dad's porno tapes nobody flinched I looked at my parents who had these bizarre frozen smiles as if nothing had happened and everything was right with the world my brothers and sister continued watching the TV but had looks of bewilderment on their faces as they tried to process what they had just seen while simultaneously trying to enjoy the beginning of a Christmas story nobody in my family has ever mentioned this event since I'm 30 years old now and a Christmas story is no longer a part of our family Christmas tradition you'll shoot your eye out may have different interpretations in that part of a Christmas story when I was 15 I was super freaking frisky all the time I also had never seen a dong other than my own or in a porno these two things are important so I have my group of friends and one of my friends who we will call dee had older cooler brothers so they would get us poorness and we would trade with each other every so often after a while have a collection of about eight or nine poorness all VHS hidden in a garment bag which contained a suit I never wore in my closet also had acquired a dong pump I know I know laugh it up honestly I thought it was small by comparison but it was the kind that has the long cylinder and squeeze pump this was also hidden in the garment bag along with condoms and cigars I just knew it was a genius hiding spot incorrect oh come home from school one day with everything that was in the garment bag on the kitchen counter super busted and my mom is freaking the freak out over the dong pump it was like she found a severed head or some crap she was mortified so she yells at me and says wait till I tell your dad and sends me up to my room my dad comes home I hear them talking then I hear him ascending the stairs I am terrified he opens the door with the biggest grin on his face tells me not to worry about it gives me my condoms back that says we have to throw the tapes and pump away but he put them in a bag and put them on top of the garbage so I could retrieve them and told me it was nothing I was a teenage boy and that my mom would never understand my mom thought I was the devil though father of the year when we were about 5 or 7 years old me and my brother discovered the similarities between ketchup and blonde mom wasn't home yet so we got some knifes from the kitchen all the ketchup we could find cut some holes in our shirts for the knifes and staged a huge crime scene in the living room we loved secretly watching the thrillers our parents used to see in the evenings from the living room door when we were believed to be in our beds so we had some experience with a plausible scenario and put a lot of thoughts into it creating a huge battle scene with blood on the walls the couches and of course lots of ketchup on our emotionless bodies in the center of the room mom had kind of a breakdown you were a Frick tar child so when I was 16 I found out that who I thought was my dad was actually just my stepdad and not my real dad well a sister I never knew about contacted me and it turns out my real dad lived in a small town just eight miles away from mine well I met my sister and had her come over one day one my mom was at work my mom came home early and when I introduced my sister I introduced her as my girlfriend the look on my mom's face was priceless that is beautifully evil I was around 14 and was pretty depressed so my parents were on guard one day I woke up early with a runny nose but being tired I just went back to sleep a few hours later my mom is panicking as she wakes me up my face was covered in blood due to a bloody nose and I looked like a corpse I sneezed when I had a bloody nose once during the night so there was blood splattered on my wall and pillow with blood all over at noon while I was still sleeping pretty heavily when my mom came to wake me up I woke up because of the loud screaming going on in my room and scared the entire family by accident I fell out of a moving car when I was six luckily I was in a car seat and I landed in grass how does this happen I was young enough that I took supervised baths my mom stepped out of the bathroom for just a few seconds and I thought it would be super funny to sink to the bottom and lie motionless mum didn't think it was nearly as funny when she came back in similarly I was young enough to take supervised baths and was exhausted at the time my mom stepped out and I instantly fell asleep with my face and the water I was dreaming and I knew it was hard to breathe my mom came in screaming my name and my head shot up slamming into the faucet I was fine but she put me to bed instantly when I was about eight years old I was going through our medicine cabinet like the little rascal I was and found one of my brother's old EP pens the epinephrine injector fused during a severe allergic reaction I was curious about how it works and figured it was like any other pen and that you clicked the top with your thumb and the needle came out the other end turns out the needle comes out of the end that you click and it ended up going right into my thumb when my parents came upon me screaming my lungs out in the bathroom the walls were painted with blood that I'd sprayed around getting the pen out of my thumb apparently it was pretty grisly law my brother did literally the exact same thing with my EP pen when he was like 11 ish in the middle of a church service to this day we don't know why big toddler me decided one nights to get out of bed grab my toy hammer walked to my parents room round the bed and smacked my sleeping dad in the face before dropping the hammer and returning to bed he's still jumpy in his sleep thanks for the laugh my mom and dad walked in on me using a plastic bag with lotion needless to say I didn't finish in the awkward laughter that came from their room was Emerson , I'd like to say Frick you I came her as a moderately innocent young man and you took that away from me that outer video took my youth when I was about seven I lost my cat he just disappeared one day probably coitus but his favorite thing to do was to sleep in my mom's bathroom sink also my neighborhood is infested with cats because someone down the street never got hers fixed so now for the real story I was swinging on my porch swing looked over into the bushes and saw a cat it was laying down eyes closed mouth open no wounds as far as I could see it looked asleep but it looked sick too so to make it feel better I pick the dead cat up took it inside and placed it in the bathroom sink plus I was feeling really lonely after my first cat disappeared I thought my mom would let me keep this one TL DR my mom walked in on me petting a dead cat I had placed in the bathroom sink I find this morbidly adorable a child with little understanding of the concept of death attempting to tend to an animal's corpse I think that definitely would have left a mark on me as a parent though I think I'd be more moved than traumatized my mom got my sister and I our first set of makeup when we were 11 and 15 we ran to the bathroom to try it out and immediately decided that the best course of action was to paint bruises and wounds all over our faces fate fight sounds and screaming then run to our mothers office area appearing like we needed to go to the hospital but it worked she turned about as white as a sheet and screamed before we collapsed into laughter we weren't allowed to have makeup again until we were adults and bought it for our sir I haven't but my little sister used to hold her breath when she threw a fit used to scare my mom to death my dad said I shall stop breathing when she passes out my daughter threatened me with this I looked at her with a bored look until she went down I didn't catch her or anything she came to and realized daddy wasn't being bullied when I was about nine years old we lived in a crappy high-rise apartment building I opened the window of my bedroom removed the screen stuck my head out the window and screamed as loud as I could like I was falling I then quickly proceeded to hide under my bed as my parents frantically came running into my room with me nowhere to be seen and thought I fell out the window eventually I started giggling and was busted they were not impressed to say the least the first movie I saw with my ex-wife was knocked up at the time there was awkward nurse because we'd accidentally had fricked unprotected the week before it turned into a big joke between us and I bought the movie for her for Christmas mum asked me what did you get Jen for Christmas and without hesitating or thinking I said knocked up she was driving and almost wrecked the car when I was in kindergarten I made a friend while at school we really hit it off and we she said she had a big bag of Halloween candy at home and offered to share it with me it was a fairly short walk to her place from school and from her place a short little walk home so I head over to her place and completely forget to tell my parents where I went after school I completely lose track of time we ate candy and played video games her family must have thought my parents knew where I was we played board games and ate dinner and I didn't go home until after 9:00 I remember getting home walking through the front door and being greeted by the sight of my parents both completely in tears on the phone with the police I immediately realized what I did wrong and I thought for sure I was going to be grounded forever they weren't mad though they were just overjoyed that I was okay a bunch of bear hugs and tear filled expressions of parental affection later I felt terrible they must have thought I was dead was missing for over six hours every single one of their friends was out looking for me I am such an butthole TL DR when I was in kindergarten I disappeared for over six hours on my way home from school and didn't tell anyone where I was so I could play video games and eat candy you were five five year olds don't understand consequences well this happened the summer after my senior year of high school after a long night of drinking I came home and apparently felt the desire to puke my parents live on the third floor I live on the second and have a bathroom on my floor for some reason I turned the fan on when I went into the bathroom which is kinda loud into my parents room is pretty much right above the bathroom so I puked hard mostly in the toilet at first I get hot and really sweaty when I'm puking so naturally I stripped down to my boxers by then somehow managed to puke all over myself well that's unacceptable to drunk me so I guess I decided to take a shower to clean up never managed to turn the water on next thing I know I'm getting woken up by my mother screaming bloody murder crying profusely apparently I passed out in the tub the fan woke my mum up in the middle of the night so she came to investigate and found me nearly naked covered in my own puke passed out in the bathtub with her she says my eyes rolling into the back of my head she thought I was dead I would say that was a bit traumatizing for her TL DR my mum found me passed out covered in puke in the bathtub and thought I was dead I think being covered in poop should be unacceptable to normal you I was three or four and wrecked my tricycle and hit my head on my sister's bike pedal who was riding right beside me I hit an artery and my white shirt turned red before I got back inside to show her she still freaks out thinking about it you actually got really lucky if you did indeed hit an artery as an adult you probably would have died if you didn't have someone there who knew how to deal with the situation turn Achaean 9-1-1 etc' but as a child your arteries will actually clot and the bleeding will typically stop it before you die or even pass out when my sister was about to she climbed up on the bathroom counter grabbed my father's razor and proceeded to brush her teeth with it and luckily all she did was Nick her tongue with it but the amount of blood was awful the thought of this made me hyperventilate when I was younger my parents took one of my toys away from me a brand new mother freaking Hulk toy this made toddler me angry so I did the only logical thing to do i crap in their room i crap all over their bed and floor i reminded my mom about it and she said it wasn't just crap but diarrhea I sprayed diarrhea all over my parents bedroom when I was young maybe around five or six I was trying to find Christmas presents in closets or under beds but instead I found a crapload of condoms and adult toys at the time I didn't know what there was so I opened up the box of condoms thinking it was a balloon I started to run downstairs with what I thought was a sword selim and trying to blow up the condoms I then ran into the room where my parents were unstarted telling them how I finally found my Christmas presents my parents still talked about that today xxxx christmas came early that year after my first BJ's I rushed home to tell my best friend in the world at the time but I got on Facebook shot and told him every dirty detail I then left my facebook open when I went to shower my mum after arriving home went to check her email and learned about my new adult adventures when I was seven or eight I did a science project on the antibacterial efficacy of various soaps it basically involved keeping hands dirty for a day pressing grubby thumbs into petri dishes full of agar then washing and doing the same again I'd take tracings of the cultures the ger colonies were bad smaller ones good this ended up winning the county science fair for my grade in a large metropolitan area so that was nice but before that after I'd finished the experiments but before I discarded the dishes I got into a dispute with my parents don't remember what about I thought I'll show them so I took the nastiest culture and swapped it on to their bedroom doorknob they both got sick as dogs and I had to take care of them for a couple of days served me right TL DR I waged bacteriological warfare against my parents using my science project but I told them long ago and we laugh about it now I like the way you think my dad was fixing this big butt closet one day the closet was very old and had an extremely heavy door the problem with that closet was that the door hinges was loose at that time I was about 8 - 9 years old and my little sister was fooling around inside the closet while my dad was trying to tighten the hinges he told me to get her out of there since she was just bothering him and as I lifted her up the goddamn closet door fell down on my pinky toe it's all a blur but I clearly remember me running down the hallway screaming my heart out while my sock got pumped with blood after that I pass out waking up a while later in the back seat of my father's car with a shitload of toilet paper around my foot my dad didn't say a word when I arrived at the hospital I got drugged down and operated fortunately they managed to put my pinky toe back where it belonged I'm guessing my dad felt very shameful after the incident however my mom told me a couple of years ago that after I lost my toe he immediately put it inside his mouth because he had read back that was the only way to save the toe from dying or something like that and drove to the hospital with the toe in his mouth I don't think he'll forget that when I was 13 I was about as frisky as you'd expect a 13 year old to be the problem was I was living in a very religious household at the time my parents go through phases this was their religious phase luckily for me it was while I was going through puberty and my parents had an ironclad parental filter on the interwebs so pee was out of the question but so I decided to draw my own pee and I'm a pretty dang good artist when it comes to drawing things that are right in front of me to look at so what I do is I'd take magazine pictures of women who had relatively little clothing on and just edit out the clothing as I was drawing well of course my parents found my stack of drawings eventually which isn't too bad I guess my dad even said uncomfortably that I had some talent at drawing and should pursue it just with different subject matter but here's the part that makes me cringe my mother decided that one of the drawings look too much like her it was purely coincidental it was literally a picture out of an advertisement that I had copied to the best of my ability and she asked me very uncomfortably if I fantasized about her ladies and gentlemen not much in the world makes you want to crawl into a hole and die more than when your own mother thinks you've been fantasizing about her nothing came of this she asked if it was her I said no it was really really awkward for a while and then we moved on but sorry but hardly anything that our incest would find exciting Hey and she asked me very uncomfortably if I fantasized about her oh my god I'm so sorry you know how your parents told you to never run with scissors well I did not listen I was running through the house like a [ __ ] and I tripped the scissors went through my front teeth and jammed in the back of my throat blood sprayed out my mouth and nose I had frightened my parents so much that my mom passed out and when she fell her face was smashed on the floor so I had to get three sticks my mom had $30.00 zero-zero-zero worth of face surgery so I figure Ollie and literally traumatized my parents that's pretty close to a worst-case scenario right there ouch one time during myself a more year in college I had been feeling guilty for not seeing my family very often even though the live 20 minutes away so I decided to take them out to dinner since I had some extra cash I thought I would take them out somewhere nice so we all went to Black Angus I thought it would be cool to bring my boyfriend that I had been dating seriously for six months no one in my family normally does this I find out later that my dad was scared shitless that I was either going to tell the family I was either pregnant or getting married at that dinner my mom has walked in on me fapping not the best way to tell my mom mine growing up she later told my dad who simply said okay good for him well crap when I was 2 or 3 my parents had me in the backyard I was running around him generally being a small child you know how it is apparently I saw something cool on the ground and like most children my first reaction was to put this fancy thing in my mouth the fancy thing was bird crap my mom screamed and took a house to my mouth bonus I'm a huge miss of folk now when I was a toddler I drank wart remover is smarts it's okay my little brother drank antifreeze because he thought it was kool-aid I call it stunt baby my four month old standing on my hand as I balance him and let people take pictures I hated school in fourth grade terrible teacher a few bratty other students made going to school miserable so I loved any excuse to get out of school for all or part of the day even if it was a doctor's appointment one day for some reason my doctor's appointment was cancelled I was having none of this i barricaded myself in my bedroom no lock on the door just my desk chair and some stuffed animals as a blockade and screamed that I would rather die than go to school my mom was freaked out crying hysterically and everything my poor dad having to deal with to hysterical women girls at once the next day I had an emergency session with mom's therapist it's good you got to a therapist but I think your mom overreacted a lot of kids say they'd rather die than do something becoming hysterical over it is an overreaction i traumatized my mother twice both times when I was about three years old the first time we were walking through the Botanic Gardens and there was a wedding taking place apparently the bride was a larger lady and I piped up in my piercing little voice mummy look at that fat bride my mother grabbed me under one arm and ran away she thinks the bride didn't hear but she certain some of the guests did the second time I traumatized her she took me to her work one day and I met one of her colleagues he was from Ghana and had very dark skin apparently I said mummy look at that dirty man mum said she just wanted the floor to swallow her up if the guy handled it with exceptional grace and just laughed and said don't worry at least I can't blush yet I'm surprised I wasn't left at an orphanage after those two episodes I now have kids of my own who are determined to give me my comeuppance in my senior year of high school I talked about dropping out of school they threatened to kill me kick me out of the house and dump me in front of a US Marine recruiting station in that order when I was a kid I would walk my mom to the stove and tell her I smelled gas when she would take a whiff all the disgusting goodness of a well-timed fart would go in her nose till this day if anyone say they smell gas she covers her nose and walk the other direction all the while saying get out of here you Pig I am dying right now I played the game runescape for a while when I was 9 or 10 and I got fairly addicted to it to the point where I still my parents credit card and spent close to $1,500 of their money to buy runescape gold from a website I've paid them back since with interest but I feel like crap about it all the time I tried to kill myself by hanging but failed I was lazy so I just threw the rope in the trash later my dad found it and checked my room I played super mario 64 at a new friend's house until 3:00 a.m. when I was 9 cops were called a search party sent out no regrets you didn't choose the thug life the thug life chose you I was 3 years old when my brother was born when he was just a few days old my mom put him in his baby swing turned it on and left the room to answer the phone well while she was gone the swing stopped and my brother started crying being the concerned older sister that I was I pulled him out of the swing and carried drug him to my mom saying mommy the baby is crying she freaked the heck out and never left him in his swing again I'd freak out too with my three-year-old drugged my newborn baby to this day when my mom hears the sound of a shopping cart behind her she protects her heels it wasn't intentional I was just an enthusiastic shopping helper I used to sleepwalk as a young kid and screamed the house down and refused to be touched by anyone while I was in that state I was at creepy possessed kid in a horror film and I terrified my parents I told my parents that my gf needed an ultrasound she really just needed a small ovary checkup that it was more fun just to let my parents worry I approve of your style I attempted suicide in my parents car a few months after high school I remember there was an incredible amount of blood like buckets of it sloshing around in my seat about a year later my dad and I were having something of a heated discussion when he says to me no one in this family but me saw what that car looked like the morning after he still has the car and uses it now and then I will never be able to understand how much I've hurt him dude when I was in high school I was very bulimic if someone was downstairs after I ate dinner I wouldn't be able to go into the bathroom so my brilliant plan was to go upstairs and puke into grocery bags I found this to be way easier than using the bathroom in the comfort of my room I could throw up in peace and not be worried of getting caught of course I couldn't throw them away when they were home so I kept them around my room I had vomit bags everywhere under the bed in my desk drawers in my closet it wasn't pretty one day I went out with a friend and came back at around 3:00 to get my clothes for work my stepdad was in her living room and I could hear the wet-dry vacuum I asked why he was cleaning in a joking way and my mom turned around and said Cleo our dog got into your room today I instantly was mortified I went into the living room and my stepdad refused to acknowledge me there was old puke everywhere on the stairs on the floor in my room on the couch Oh God it was horrible one of the worst experiences with the lumière I've ever had when I was little I thought trashing their room and bathroom was a great idea and absolutely nothing was wrong with it I took toothpaste shaving cream shampoo conditioner all that jazz and just squeezed it all over the place over the bed pillows carpet sheets bathtub sinks counter toilet tile floor down the hallway one nice long trail of toothpaste was so cool why I thought this was a great idea I have no clue I was grounded for a very long time but when I was about six I made up a long list of symptoms to fake sick in order to get out of school turns out my symptoms very consistent with malaria my dad had a job with the u.s. embassy and we were living in Lagos Nigeria at the time I had no idea why they were so worried you have been visited by postdoc oh don't worry you do not need to comment to have good luck first Dogo only came to give you good vibes and to wish that your crush or whoever you want to excess you if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check out another video or don't in a way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot

Views: 71,128

Rating: 4.9378238 out of 5

Keywords: parents, parents stories, parenting, parenting 101, parenting tips, parenting hacks, parenting is hard, traumatized, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: PCQhbqrOGRw

Length: 27min 42sec (1662 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 26 2020