Sadhguru: Grief, we must understand,
it is on many different levels. Somebody close to them died somewhere,
they will feel this, because within the body, there
is a certain process. Because what you call as a parent,
is the basis of this body, there is a very deep memory
connection between the two. Sadhguru: Death simply means somebody who
was available to you is now absent, that's all. It is not because one life vanished,
you are crying about it. It is just that somebody who was, you know,
filling a part of the collage for you is absent, so it leaves a hole in your life. Depending upon how close they were, accordingly it leaves that
big a hole in your life. So what you are battling with is
not the death of a person, what you are battling with is the size
of the hole they have left in your life. Suppose faraway, relative or a friend, somebody
that you know, an acquaintance, died, tch, you feel bad for an hour, and
then you get back to normal, but somebody very close and dear to you passed
away, now they have left a huge hole. So your problem is, you trying to tend to
this hole which is, within yourself. This hole has happened essentially… now
what I say may sound little brutal for people who are in that situation,
but one must understand this. If you look for solace, yes, if somebody comes
to me who have just lost somebody dear to them, I will also hug them and you know, protect
them and give them some solace. But you must decide, whether you want solace
or you want a solution to your life. Because today this person will die,
tomorrow that person will die, day after tomorrow I may die myself. It doesn't matter. But people keep dying,
because we are dying kind of people. Let us understand this. All of us,
we are dying kind of people. First thing that must be fixed in our mind,
we are mortal by nature. So having said that grief, we must understand,
it is on many different levels. There is a psychological grief, in thought
and emotion you suffer the loss of the person. But depending upon how much memory
you have built within your body with regard to that person; let us say if it's your child or your husband or
your wife or some kind of very close bond, then a certain amount of memory
is there in your body. We call this traditionally in the yoga…
yogic culture as runanubandha, that this body has developed a bond,
beyond your psychological friendships and companionships and love and whatever
else you have, body itself has done this. A whole lot of people feel this, somebody
close to them died somewhere, they have not received any information, suddenly they feel their energies
are gone and you know, they are like… they don't know what has happened,
but suddenly they are almost sick. They are feeling like that, completely drained
out. Then after a few hours or a
few days, information comes that this person is dead, but well before the information
came, they will feel this, because within the body, there is a certain process, that the memory starts undoing itself
and you feel like you are dumped. Sadhguru: Your runanubandha with your parents
or with your children is strongest till you are twenty-one years of age. Once you cross twenty-one years of age,
it is called as the first quarter. In the yogic way of looking at it,
eighty-four is the cycle of life. The first quarter is twenty-one. Up to twenty-one, if you lose a parent or if you lose a child,
below twenty-one years of age, the pain will not just be emotional,
it will be physical. It will manifest in the body,
because there is a strong runanubandha. But beyond twenty-one, it
is largely psychological and emotional. When we say runanubandha, what you suffer
emotionally or psychologically, that is not what we are talking about.
We are talking about physical memories. Bodies have memories. Because what you call as a parent
is the basis of this body, there is a very deep memory connection
between the two that is at its strongest till twenty-one years of age. Once
you pass that, it is weakened. Is it gone? Not totally gone, weakened. Let us say you are forty-two years
of age, and you are a man, then you still have a reasonably
painful runanubandha. But let us say you're forty-two years
of age, and you are a woman, your runanubandha is almost
negligible, not that it is not there, it is there, but very, very low. So, the suffering that you go through is
largely emotional and psychological. If you are psychologically very stable,
emotionally balanced, you will see you will handle it quite effortlessly, because there is no physical
turmoil going on in the system. But the same thing, if they lose their husband,
that runanubandha is physically painful, because that is a different type of runanubandha. A child below seven, seven-and-a-half years
of age doesn't have much runanubandha. The mother and father may
have enormous runanubandha, but on the other side there
is not much runanubandha- this is not just for psychological reasons. A child below seven, seven-and-a-half years
of age doesn't suffer much, doesn't go through the turmoil physically. May suffer, because of not being taken care
of and you know, those kind of situations if they are there. I don't want to go into the
detailed mechanics of what it is. But if you are over forty-two years of age
and you are a woman and you lost a parent- this is why in this culture, women are
not required to do karmas. Karma is done for the dead. Not so much for you, but if you are below
twenty-one years of age, it’s very, very important you do it,
because it is both for the dead and for you. It is very important for you, because the person
who died, died, whatever happens, happens; but your life can be in a constant turmoil, because there is a physical memory
which torments you at a different level. Even if you are mentally stable,
emotionally very balanced, still there is a certain torment
going within you. For this, there are yogic processes with which
you can rejuvenate the system, there is a whole system of things to do. Here at the yoga center we have
kept it very alive. For people who lose their loved ones, we do
certain processes so that the physical memory is taken away. Once the physical memory is taken away, the psychological suffering can be dealt
with by the individual person, much more easily. How to perform karmas and kriyas for dead, if you are not able to
physically do something? The simple thing is to go into a
three-day period of sadhana. Because internally you can do this, beyond a certain age it is largely
for the dead that we are doing it. But there is an element of that,
it is not totally gone. Our bodies are never one-hundred percent free
from the genetic process that we have received from our parentage. There is a way to be above that, but we are not absolutely free.
Physical body functions in a certain way. So, just three days of withdrawal
and a certain type of sadhana, if you don't know anything else, simply just do the Mahamantra "Aum Namah
Shivaya" intensely, for three days as much as you can. A minimum of four-and-a-half hours a day if
you do this, you don't have to really bother
about that, because it is also nice to withdraw,
it is a sensitive time, but now deaths and funerals and what happens
post-death is all become a social nonsense, that you have to have people at home, you have to
serve them drink, you have to serve them food. You know this, in the Western countries it's
become a big thing. Even in India, certain kind of thing is
building up. It is best that you just withdraw from society
and nonsense and spend some private time. When somebody significant
in your life passes away, it's important that you withdraw
and do something with yourself, rather than simply trying to run
the social thing like a distraction. This social thing is people's
way of handling their grief is, "Let’s go to the movie, let’s read a book,
let us watch the television." Don't look for distractions. When there are troubles
within us, we must address it head-on. Don't look for distractions –
distraction is not a solution.
