Helluva Boss Therapist Analysis: Were You Raised by a Psychopath?

woo okay so we're going to get into it what would happen if you were raised by a psychopath or a sociopath now again I'm just going to kind of go into it in the DSM there is no specific definition for sociopathy it would be being raised by someone with antisocial personality disorder but I'm going to use the colloquial term because I think that it's just more easy to digest now Moxy oh my God I found it really hard for me to absorb because they're really heavy heavy topic so just want you to be warned and let's go into Moxy and how he deals with his dad and all of the traumas that he's had to go through and I'm going to go into the usual statement that not all Psychopaths people with antisocial personality disorder it doesn't mean that they're going to be violent it doesn't mean that they're going to be dangerous and not everyone that might have a family member that is like that is going to go through trauma because of it guys um this is my father crimson sir This Is My Boss Blitz and my Milly I'm his wife and what a beautiful wife you are MOX where you been hiding this pretty little thing but we're going to be dealing with Moxy and moxy's case which is one of the worst case scenarios where you have someone that is a psychopath and really quite violent and threatening and aggressive with a whole bunch of narcissistic Tendencies at the same time and that is exceptionally traumatic actually such a high level of trauma it's hard for me to even absorb or comprehend what Moxy really has survived through and how amazingly well he's dealt with all of these traumas or at least on the surface seem to have I hate this place oh yeah this is your old stomping ground isn't it MOX yeah unfortunately I grew up just over there swore I'd never come back and uh uh what what where where are we going what Blitz it's true that situation s areas places things that remind us of things where we've gone through trauma we often have an anxiety response to seeing something smelling something looking at something or actually being in a place that is similar to an area that we've gone through something really horrible that was very preventative for us right it's a smart idea not to head back to an area that was dangerous or was scary now the problem is is that sometimes we're kind of forced into these situations where we have to go back and it makes sense for our body to already be on high alert to be prepared for danger and so you're going to end up probably with either an anger response fight or a flight response wanting to leave and you might feel your heart beating faster your mind start racing having all of these different types of thoughts your body is getting prepared for the dangers so that it's going to be already ready to run fight or faint fun if it has to and that was actually a really smart response but it's hard and it often feels bad when you can't control your body because this happens without our want it's kind of one of these things that are very difficult to control when it's happening especially when it's something that deals with childhood trauma who did you say this meeting was with I'm not sure just some rich somebody or other who wants to discuss Biz at his place oh no no no no no no no no no no no no [Music] and this response also is exceptionally common this is why people talk about like the holidays it often causes a lot of stress for many people this forces them to have to interact with people that they really would rather not and situations and memories that they may not want to go back to and so often the holidays which for some people are the most wonderful times of year are often times where people have to go through a lot of difficulties where they're forced to have to confront things situations that have happened to them and interact with people that they would rather not have to interact with and it can also sometimes make us go back into a younger State feel like that younger self especially with trauma that we haven't dealt with and you see his eyes like you see the terror in moxy's eyes of how horrible this was he had planned to never have to do this again and suddenly he's being forced into and so it's also that feeling of a loss of control well I hope you're all hungry we put together a fabulous dinner for you hey baby why haven't I met your P before well uh you know it it's it's it's just never been a hey you two move it before it gets cold and that's also common that we often don't want to introduce someone that we care about someone that we want to protect to someone that we don't like sometimes we've even blocked out all of the thoughts of them we're trying to avoid so much having to interact sometimes that's because we're worried about their behavior reflecting on us so you might think less of us because of someone else's behavior and sometimes it's also self- protection and other protection that we're worried about the people around us having to endure or have something horrible happened to them because of that it's a hard thing to kind of find out what is the balance when is that point where you should go no contact with someone because it is just such a net loss or it is damaging to you you have to really think about that you have to see what you think is healthy versus what you think is not look look Millie we can talk about it later I love that Millie took and I'll do a video on Millie on on her own but I love that she took moxy's hand to give him that strength they're just really loving together and that is one of the things also with sociopaths is they have this charm but it's this superficial charm and they throw it on when they need something or they want something and then it goes away if not it actually takes up a lot of their effort to be able to try to be charming and bring other people into the phas so they can make them do what they want them to do Show Business good money in that what are we doing here sir do you see the way that Moxy is sitting I've see that a lot where people kind of go back into their childhood they become younger he's trying to be smaller to disappear he looks more Meek now that can happen in different situations it's not even with because you're with the person that caused you all of this trauma sometimes it's just the voice of someone or the way that they hold themselves or the way that they smell and it kind of brings you back to a different time and place and it changes the way that you react we often go into these maladaptive coping mechanisms where we might lose our voice not be able to say something say something with a higher pitch voice start to hear our voice crack showing all of our anxiety and that's what happens when we haven't dealt with a trauma we still feel small our body is going into defense mechanisms that at one point in time are actually adaptive helpful and probably we needed them to survive but now that we're older we no longer need them but it's an old habit patterns of behavior that we've done over and over again become hardwired in our brain neurons that fire together wire together I want to do business with Moxy me yeah kid I summoned imp to be sure you'd show because well we're bringing CH into the family what and that can happen when you have a parental figure that's very controlling and wants to be able to make you do things they'll find different ways to keep control they don't want you to be independent or on your own they'll use any tools they have guilt fear aggression in order to manipulate you to do what they need that's what makes them feel powerful and if you're on your own and independent they feel this sense of anxiety that they lost and they can't do that that goes back to their own ego and how they need to feel powerful you had responsibilities here that I had to pick up once you left wait I thought you always hated his guts well I don't know if I exactly hated him you called him a friendless horse and said we lived a lifestyle and that's also something really common that for the sociopath it's someone that helps him is good and someone that does not cause used to him is bad it's everything that personalizes back to him it also shows some of moxy's Father's narcissistic traits that he has at the same time the only thing you're right about is that that obnoxious stain can't get made not unless he marries in marries but but who would he who do you think this family needs that money and it's about time you're pathetic was useful for something sir and hearing those kind of words that type of negativity especially when when it comes from a parental figure that really sinks in it becomes your inner sense of self and I think that that's a lot of where Moxy doesn't really get his own value and often undercuts himself and we talk about childhood trauma when you've gone through trauma violence from a really young age it damages you it actually resets where your anxiety levels start and stop and when we talk about compound trauma compound trauma is trauma that you've had over many different situations and for a longer period of time it often creates an anxiety system that never goes down you're just always on high alert or moderate alert no matter what you're always looking for something bad to happen you can never really relax and that's exhausting emotionally and mentally it also makes you more fuzzy brained and more difficult for you to think of the right thing to do at any point in time people might say oh you're too emotional you're too reactive you're just dealing with trauma and that's how your body is trying to cope it's first just trying to keep you [Music] safe so sweet seeing his like happy face from his mother I think that in a lot of cases for Moxy his mother was protective to him he knew that he was loved and cared about and so I think because of that that strong amount of affection that he was shown at a young age it protected him a certain amount from his sense of self and how he looks at himself he knew that he had a certain amount of value and I think that that also goes to how him and Millie's relationship is actually quite healthy and loving now does that mean that his mothers may be overcompensating and doing too much for him it could be sometimes when we have an overly harsh parent the other parent becomes overly soft and tries to do too much we're trying to balance it out and that becomes really difficult because as the parents become more polarized they're moving more one more harsh to try to toughen them up and then the other one even more sof softer to be able to give them some safe space and both of them can become maladaptive but it's fine to be able to cut someone's food if they can't do it for themselves yet and it's also okay to struggle a little so there watching familial violence is exceptionally traumatic to a system it makes you not feel safe it makes you worry about the other people it can keep you on high alert and we've actually found that it damages our DNA like the actual ends of the DNA that's supposed to keep the DNA safe the little telome they're almost like the ends of shoelaces that little plastic piece that keeps it from fraying those become shorter with children that have gone through long periods of violence and you can see how constantly being on high alert it doesn't allow our body to be able to repair itself because we're always dealing with a trauma and a difficulty and you can never really relax and you might always be looking out for signs that something bad might happen and it's a hard feeling when you feel helpless and you can't protect the people that you love and that can make you hyper protective when you grow up and you grow older too because in your mind you're never going to let that happen to someone that you love again and then you also have to deal with the guilt of not being able to protect everyone you can you were too little you couldn't but that's still something that can often weigh very heavily on us [Music] oh it's just his little face his face of looking up he's doing the best that he can and he knows that he's being judged and he's just struggling at it and you know you're there to be able to allow your kids to learn and to be able to fail but that doesn't mean that you're not there to show love and support you're there to be that scaffolding so that your children can grow up and grow strong so it's a delicate balance of helping them out and letting them try it and fail on their own but being there to support them so they don't fall too hard when they do and if they need you you're there [Music] yeah like this scene you know it's a cartoon it should be kind of sweet and light this is such a heavy situation to be able to have to go through when you have parents that are forcing you that you have no choice and you have to do horrible things how do you parse that how do you deal with that how do you cope with that when those memories come back to you for a lot of people when they're going through compound post-traumatic stress disorder C PTSD sometimes they block it out like there's people that have huge blocks of time in their childhood that they don't remember even what happened and sometimes that's our brain of blocking out because it's too much for us to process it's too horrible and it's so bad that our brain just kind of doesn't delete it often there's pieces of it that are still there but we can't pull it back it's hidden from us because it's that horrible and this is definitely one of these situations where I'm like my goodness poor moxed have to go through this is such a little one and he knows that it's wrong and it's horrible and he's being kind of bathed in having to do all of these horrible acts because he's forced to so it's not his fault but we often judge who we are as people from our past actions and so that can be really difficult as well this is so hard this one's so difficult like yeah there just the tears and the muffled and the the want for help and and he's being forced to to get his hands dirty so that he can't leave so that he's being controlled so that he toughens up and becomes someone instead of being more like his father doesn't want him to be more like his mom more empathic and caring and thoughtful and so he's trying to force it out of him and I think that also we kind of taught we were taught that you know men should be tough and they shouldn't have feelings and feelings are weaknesses this kind of ridiculousness so that we could just kind of go out there and do horrible things and not think about themselves and that's not healthy either is it and is it possible to do it actually can unfortunately be there it's not going to change your Baseline of personality so it's somewhere there but it can mask it where you pretend to be someone that you're not someone that is devoid with thoughts or that is cruel that's why child soldiers can often do so much more damage than when you're doing that as an adult because you haven't yet formed who you are luckily for Moxy he kept a lot of those beautiful traits from his mother he knew somewhere in there that this was the wrong thing to do and he didn't want to become like this what this be your lesson Moxy this is what happens when you cross [Applause] me yeah that's his mom's shoe that's why she wasn't at the table those that didn't catch it I'm sure most of us caught it um it wasn't his mom that was there before they look different yes I've checked it out and probably most other people have cuz they asked the same question oh my goodness who was this but it's just such a horrible thing to have all of this on you and to know what happened to your mom and that now you're alone and that your father did it and that your father could do that to you or other people that you love as well and that he uses that like a weapon to be able to control you and manipulate you now get to bed Moxy you have a big day tomorrow yes sir oh and MOX if you ever talk back to me again you in that pretty little thing you brought here a going home in boxes capiche yes sir when we're dealing with complex PTSD that comes from childhood trauma it's so ingrained in who we are for such a long period of time that you really want to be comfortable if you decide to go through and allow yourself some steps to heal it can be difficult but it definitely can be healing you don't have to keep going through this it has a lot of effects on you and your feelings of safety your feelings of trust trusting yourself and your own inner voice what do you say about yourself all of these things has such a strong effect on our attachment Types on our feelings of selfworth on our value systems and sometimes it can make us superachievers and sometimes it can make us just not want to be bothered it's really difficult to have to deal with and these are the types of things that I would say are better to go through with a properly trained therapist someone that's specialized and someone that you feel safe with because you can get better you can heal not going to forget it but you can heal from it and live a happy life why how come we aren't Crimson wants you all to stay in separate rooms why Moxie it's just one night Millie it's okay Max are you okay I'm fine please don't worry sweetie you know you can tell me anything right yes everything's fine your partners Max she's so good they're so good together they're really thoughtful of each other they listen I love the way that they interact with each other I know it should be their own video but anyways we'll continue with it it's just really really sweet especially when someone's going through trauma what you say and what you don't say it's a really delicate balance of not pushing too much to also feel like someone's even more in a corner and I think that Millie does a great job of being able to learn that balance and really read Moxy it's just my dad it's okay really it'll be over tomorrow okay I love you I love you too like she knew to let it go what a hard thing to do when you know that the person that you care about that you love is going through this trauma she listened she was there she touched him again some people like touch some people don't like touch you want to be able to read that and he's trying to protect her at the same time well often after the trauma after you've gone through something that release of emotions for some people they need to sleep for some people they need to cry for some people they need to pace for some people they need to keep their mind occupied so they don't become too overwhelmed and for other people they become aggressive the way that you react after the trauma so this is post trauma what happens to you is in varying differences but I'm happy that Moxy was able to give himself a form of release and let himself cry but he did it alone one is because I don't think that he wants to unload or burden everyone else a lot of people that have gone through childhood trauma don't want to make the people around them be burdened with their pain and for those around them they often want to hear it want to know it so that they can share that with them and so you see Millie's reaction as well knowing that Moxy is going through this Moxy and that release is really healthy it allows us a space to not keep all of that anxiety or anger or fear inside of us it doesn't have to be crying it could be journaling it could be singing it could be um doing a sport it could be doing some art it could be thinking it to yourself it could be talking to your pets or your plants you want to see what makes you feel that decompression a little bit better and you want to try to make it as adaptive as possible healthy and better for you if you're turning to alcohol or drugs which though I can understand that especially when you're going through all this trauma it makes you feel better but only for the moment and later it actually makes you feel worse it's maladaptive because it's not actually fixing anything you're not processing anything you're just numbing it shutting it down turning off those voices but you're not learning to cope with it so you really want to find adaptive techniques to be able to make you feel [Music] better that's a really important scene that is the moment where Moxy went from being Meek I'm going to let him do whatever he wants to me to learning to stand up for himself to set boundaries and to to fight this was his thing to fight for so I'm going to go and play it again so you can see it again and you can see Moxy thinking about Millie and his love for her and wanting to protect her and that switch in his mind that happened when he's like you know what no more I'm not doing this anymore and that definitely is something that happens to us it's something just kind of clicks and we change and the entire power Dynamic of a relationship also changes I think that it's so powerful and so wonderful when we can go through that very difficult thing to do [Music] though but I want to say that when you are dealing with a situation where you're dealing with someone that is violent that you know has violent tendencies it's also exceptionally dangerous I would state that in most cases you do not want to confront someone espe especially if they have narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies and are violent confront them directly because often they will go to the next level in order to control people because no matter what they don't want anyone to get out of their control that can leave you in a dangerous situation where something bad can happen so you always want to make sure that you are safe at the same time and sometimes holding your cards close to you and making sure that you're safe is a better situation I'm not doing it what was that I couldn't make it out over the sound of you being a whiny you said I'm not doing it sir I've spent my whole life being afraid of you but I'm not giving up the only good thing I've ever had just so you can keep your fragile little sense of control over everything and there's nothing that scares me more than hurting her not even you I'm leaving dad and if you are herpes the clown over here hey try to stop me you'll learn firsthand just how good I gotten it my [Music] job now take care of the others and so that's the moment where Moxy learns to stand up for himself and be able to no longer live inside the fear and to be able to do the things that he feels is right but again dealing with this in these type of situations or dealing with someone violent that's something that is fine in this TV show but I think that you really need to make sure that you are always safe and careful and do things with support and people around you that can keep you protected and sometimes it's better not to let someone know that you are going to be confronting them when they have violent tendencies Millie thank you for saving me you're amazing next time just tell me if your dad is a psychopath I can handle it and I love the way that he speaks so so much to the heart to Millie for saving him I think that also in his mind when you have emotionally stood up to someone it doesn't have to be physically St up to them they don't have to know that but to emotionally let go of those traumas it's so healing and lets you breathe more freely in order to save yourself from your own personal hell and get all the knowledge you need go to today sponsor brilliant.org learn a new skill and get prepared for whatever life or death has to throw at you learn enhance grow with brilliant's ever growing set of new courses brilliant makes college level courses and they're available to help you be smart as a whip each course is designed for High Velocity learning so it helps you stay focused and reach your goals demonically quick and Brilliant makes learning like a game with fun features that let you challenge yourself and compete with others so it never gets boring and we know that when learning is more fun and more 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in smaller pieces and the wonderful thing is that brilliant has these animations that help me learn so much better as a visual learner they also have new courses on how large language models work and the intro to probability I know pretty cool and if you're still not sure just try everything that brilliant has to offer for free yes for full 30 days just head on over to brilliant.org Georgia da or click on the link in the description and you can just try everything out yes for free and it still helps my channel so go ahead and do that and you can also get 20% off of an annual premium subscription so you can just click on that button on the screen or head on over to brilliant.org jadow that does help my channel so thank you and thank you to brilliant for sponsoring this video and so that's a little bit of Moxy and the trauma that he had to go through by being raised by a violent psychopath and all of the horrible things that he went through it's quite a heavy episode you can let me know what your thoughts are on moxy's journey in the comments below and hopefully I'll see you in the next video

Channel: Georgia Dow

Views: 64,600

Keywords: psychology, psychotherapy, therapy, self help, life coach, psychotherapist, self improvement

Id: FCochUl1Wqo

Length: 28min 21sec (1701 seconds)

Published: Tue May 07 2024