Have I Got News for You S53E06

hello hello my name is Henning hello good evening foot nam the nines bye-bye you've completed three mass 913 yeah Elvia anyway anymore anyone well yeah indeed anyone who can count further will be deported we're a different country now [Music] [Applause] good evening and welcome to have I got news for you I'm Ed Balls and in the news this week at a slinky factory in the Midlands after spotting yet another election candidate about to pair visit one worker takes cunning evasive action in a dining room in South London Brian Cox's cat makes a vital contribution to the owners understanding of the orbital motion of Saturn and there's evidence that female movie goers may be disappointed with the remake of ghost on NC tonight is a German comedian who has made this country is home for the past 15 years oh well all good things please welcome for the last time penny and with Paul tonight is an outspoken journalist and broadcaster and a Londoner who loves walking in the countryside for the tranquility which is what London enjoys while she's off doing it please welcome Janice reporter [Applause] so it's obviously been a horrible terrible week yes but we're still I think allowed to laugh that is that is that okay excellent well I don't know overstated but going out enjoying yourself having a good time all the things terrorism hates we can still do it even here and have a laugh at a dive Thanks so Paul and Janet take a look at this mr. bean goes ability yes oh I thought it was frightened of stairs they blaze around an escalator actually he'd was he doing that was he was going well I were and then he has to have an award to put him in a good mood Donald Trump has been the way from America to get away from his problems there and now he's in the walking around the world showing everybody what a massive twit looks like yes he went to Rome yeah um Israel yeah ended up Brussels is repeated the same phrase over and over again about the bombers that they are losers I thought the phrase you kept repeating was where am I now I think he repeated strong and stable government but main thing is that it was opportunity for the Trump women to wear a succession of extraordinary outfit looking like a couple of Thunderbirds puppet basically Lady Penelope and Tonka what landmark moment in Trump presidency did the trip signify he was about to be impeached so he thought if he went abroad he could make more of a fool of himself but at home I mean it is extraordinary he said about the Saudis that they threw people off buildings and had an appalling attitude to women during the campaign then he got there and said this is a magnificent Kingdom I mean he contradicts himself almost mid-sentence nowadays he can't keep it up a criticized Obama for bowing to the Saudis yeah and then he himself curtsied does this sort of weird thing and then puts on the award of the great flogger of the Temple of Doom or whatever it is that was an i TV quiz show you've never got past the fire it's quite extraordinary and having failed to point out that you know if you're going to Saudi Arabia to make a speech about where this appalling version of Islam comes from the preachers terrorism and extremism where is it oh it's here not a mention of it they were told at the official dinner he needed to have ketchup on standby you want to know a fascinating fact about tomato ketchup yes yes I'm gonna say that one again yeah do you want to know a fascinating fact about tomato ketchup oh yeah Kenny's auditioning for the Churchill dog Adam we're somewhere with Rick they're looming and a lot more Mina before exercising is actually maybe something you never the father of Henry Heinz the inventor of ketchup and Donald Trump grandfather come from the same German village of kalsa I'm not taking any responsibility what was the biggest talking point of trumps Audi visit how about the glowing orb al about the glowing orb is that's what he's Barbra called his head have a look at this picture Wow there's anything and I lied to get off between from okay it so many people in that photograph look like a waxwork and I told you about also three people holding the ball Donald Trump looks the most trustworthy as a world leader you've got to look you sure did you see the ceremonial sword done the Saudis put on for the president no but I'd love to hear is good [Music] I hear need to give him some job think it's it's not a sense of rhythm I need our sword with drooping on a little something then moved on to the third leg in his monotheistic religions of the world tool where he met the Pope in the Vatican and how did that go yeah not so well he'd been very rude about the Pope and the Pope had said that he was not a Christian the Pope looks fantastically stonyface we've got some footage now yeah it looks like somebody was against the marriage in the first if you thought that photo opportunity with awkward look what happened when they sat down anything you'd like to tell me I'm sorry we don't seem to have your reservation here and how do the pope life in the mood net run off I'm sorry he asked Melania what she was feeding Trump and she said pizza top man you say anything on the whole trip did she there's no record of Melania speaking but you know a lot more I make up by the end and the beginning I think we enjoying life is holy he he put his hand out and she gave it the flick she knows that he's scared of stairs so when they're coming down the stairs he reached out to her and she hahaha why I said that why we do is it is their unpredictability of one step after another garlic in his DNA what's up with him Donald thought that he and the Pope got on really well because they had one thing in common if you thought that is humility that's right that is crazy oh yeah in it in 2013 Donald Trump tweeted the new pope is a humble man very much like me which probably explains why I like container and what is the Pope give to Donald Trump to take away diphtheria he gave him a carved piece of olive wood saying it is my desire that you become and olive tree a sentiment we all share this is Donald Trump's Whistlestop tour which started with Saudi Arabia and Israel Trump's a saudi trip concluded with a concert by an american country and western singer accompanied by at arabian lute who rounded off the evening with that saudi country classic stand ten paces behind your man after the belief the chomps went to Italy to visit the Pope there's Melania wearing her favorite outfit widow in waiting she doesn't like she should be doing an advert for Scottish pension fund wandering around that maze in and heading take a look at this oh yeah this is politics which is started again there was a temporary Falls and now we're all back going one way and then the other yeah into u-turn so what she proposed this idea that old people who have assets should pay for a proportion of their care and then she was reminded that um a lot of other people vote conservative and then she thought this was a terrible idea and most of the cabinet didn't know about this Social Care apparently it was it was slipped in at the last minute so all those ministers went out said this is a terrific idea and then someone said she's just pulled it this is not a great idea it's incredibly humiliating meanwhile the Labour Party who usually for inheritance tax suddenly decided that passing on your house to your children was a traditional Socialist touchstone and thus it was appalling to suggestion that people should actually have to pay for some of their own care and not give their children money the Conservatives have promised eight billion of extra funding for the NHS where's the money coming from corporation tax Andrew Neil tried to find out hmm how are you going to pay for the extra eight billion pounds for the NHS and when I go around the country and talk to people about what we're going to do in government what people want to know is are we actually going to have the strong economy that enables us to pay for the NHS so where were they extreme billion come from what we have done if you look at our record is shown that we can put record sums of money into the National Health Service at the same time as we're ensuring that we're building that strong economy let me try one more time where will they express eight billion from the end for the NHS come from what we have done over the last six years six seven years what we will do in future is ensure that we have a strong economy the growing economy that enables us to generate the funds to put into our public services so as how does it work if so you're the Prime Minister or shadow chancellor or whatever time you go to a big such an interview like that so do you get briefed or briefed yourself so that's just those few messages I want to get out and whatever I get asked I will not answer or say anything that I haven't prepared well look at the alternative Diana Baur a load of random figures go ahead you're the expert what I think it's really important to answer the question if you possibly can and I don't think she did and I think people and I saw and I think people probably notice what the one word that Theresa May repeated over and over again in that interview with Andrew health policy yes well Andrew first of all Andrew what we have done Andrew and you know Andrews glad I called an election several weeks ago Andrew Andrew Andrew fun Minister thank you imagine doing that and then getting the name wrong what lie did Boris Johnson tell Robert Peston was this the 350 million again linked on the NHS Liat did he say it would be known he said it was in the manifesto yeah did she say it at the manifesto launch yeah not only did he lie but he actually cheated as well because he looked at pest ins notes in the hope of finding out what the question was going to be and he was caught I didn't know what cheating you were referring to there you've suddenly adopted the character of a northern housewife have you heard about what it's all surprise to me because Winston he's all gloves last Saturday we haven't talked about labor very much so to head off any accusations of bias are you leaving now to be the next round will be hosted by Michael Portillo come on we cuz I'm a trained round when it comes to Labor's manifesto promises how did shadow foreign secretary Emily's laundry muddy the waters was this trident yep there'd be a review and the review might include scrapping it was that the problem and do you know who contradicted her and said it was Labour's policy to keep trying shadows if a shadow Defense Secretary that's right this is near Griffiths the shadow defense secretary emily is not the shadow defense secretary i am i I don't know that man was she was in the problem faculty but wasn't her husband I'll tell you that I know full well he's got a job in Peterborough [Music] finally yeah in an interview with The Sunday Telegraph Theresa May revealed who her dream dinner party guests would be lettuce Curtis Edward Whymper and Wilford thighs ago if anyone from Google is watching prepare for a surge at 9:31 tonight he was explore wasn't he will Keith's idea yeah African dedup in Kenya yeah Brad did he intend to go another dream dinner party guests with the artist so Stanley Spencer has she ever looked at the pictures he painted it's not very unless that Jacob Riis morgue and so to round two I'm going to give you a musical clue I'm going to play a song which obviously will trigger a story and I want you to buzz in when you know the answer okay [Music] scientists have found a way of making time stand still it's probably Morse code you might be signaling sticker into you boats in the harbor I've never heard of this bloody song well that's obvious okay I'll do again go stop stop stop if you need a further clue yeah okay interesting usual word further yeah we'll have a look at the picture the complain the PM I think our highway total path is called bastard butter look of Italy why don't we go to cat boy let's pop so I'm pump up a bumper but a bumper bumper person that still isn't it I still don't know what song we are it's a song we did you what's new pussycat you induce this cat is called bastard because we although they're racing the regular captain telogen enough so they've blocked out free to letters so he doesn't get a complex about it it might think name's Bernard this is the news that an Australian charity are seeking a home for a cat called mr. Biggles do you know why he's struggling to find a home is he very ill tempered according to the advert posted by an Australian pet charity mr. Biggles is an utter utter utter bastard of attack why is he such a bastard a minute when we discussing tom johnson new pussycat yeah and this is about a pussycat in Australia yes knowing that's the link Jennifer a calling it with the bit that's a bit bit bit because you according to the ad yes he will let you know he's not happy which is often because things are just not up to his standards the ad also says he has the air of a despot and a dictator let's move on Sid Hodgson yeah one of the tree cut down to stop pigeons roosting and pooing on his car for council workmen came along and installed this haha what did Sid make of the owl pathetic he got really really angry is the right answer he wanted the tree cut down he didn't want to now beat all the times I see it's stupid face every time I the L might be saying the same as I ended the owl has proved such a poor deterrent that a pigeon has built its nest right next to it and lastly in other animal news here let's see how a Russian dog interrupted a news broadcast this week colossal vices are small screw on the refrain about Obama Baca Impreza so we're doing tomorrow so did it does they train as journalists top over there fingers on buzzers teams here's your next musical clue which sounds like something I'm doing here I'm not finished [Music] [Applause] like something the song was pretty woman here's the picture - Jane Austen oh yeah I probably bid big for the machine doesn't it cousins may have been an argument that she's been slightly on I'll be here the buzz around yeah I'm sorry no no gone wow just making a point my point is that there's been an argument though she's been slightly prettied up for Vince I found no this is the news that the image of Jane Austen on the new 10 pound banknote has caused controversy after being airbrushed to make her look prettier here's how she isn't a new 10 pound note hmm and here's the original portrait that's based on that was drawn by a sister yeah well it's similar darling it similar but if you're on Crimewatch would you say it with the same cover of course I've just been on billboards all over the country in a swimsuit to promote a campaign for body confidence in which I was not airbrushed you can we see though you can see it if you want you see my varicose vein 15 feet high have been in Westfield Shopping Center your varicose veins a 15-foot huh no yes I was a Nimbus cloud anyway airbrushing is a play I do sing and it's astonishing that they feel they have to make jane austen look more cute you know in fact they've just made a look more bland yes this is the airbrushing of Jane Austen's face my new ten pound note a decision which shows a complete lack of Sense and Sensibility time now for the odd one out round just one between you this week your four are a pair of glasses then we're a webinar we need to still get [ __ ] you get the odd one out for one if I'm just getting it in early since I keep being ignored let's do that again yeah I might do it again yeah okay time now you have to utter utter bastard your for a pair of glasses a student's rib in LA a steam cloud and Notting of at a pineapple the pair of glasses was mistaken for an exhibit in an art exhibition is there a pineapple in an exhibition bound to be I think that in that students room someone's arranged an exhibition I read about that yes the Latian it's an installation yeah so they're all deliberate except the glasses the clouds theme cloud has been declared a work of art so I was going to say can we have a clue but then I don't know it's a nice legs I'm gonna give it time you just sing us another cloud oh so that came from the heart we don't know the answer they have all been mistaken for genuine works of art apart from a cloud of steam which was a genuine work of art but was mistaken for a fire let's have a look that is the steam is other that or the Liberal Democrat drugs policy working group in 1666 painting all over London there yeah and everyone was marveling at the Turner Prize has outdone itself this year do you know how the Nottingham Contemporary Art Gallery tried to warn passers-by that that was in fact an art installation special designs they put up posters in the surrounding area telling people not to worry and that it was only a cloud of steam posters which due to the cloud of steam nobody could see this a student's room in Los Angeles has recently be turned into a passive-aggressive art gallery by his roommate who's sick of the mess he's left lying around when Justin finds any mess left by his housemate he leaves a card with a price and description of the art should we look at peace forgotten milk left to actively go rancid in fridge far beyond sell by date a split infinitive barely worth $200 down a pair of glasses was mistaken for a new exhibit at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art let's have a look calls into question the whole way we see things a pineapple was left in the middle of an Aberdeen exhibition by a student what did the curators of the exhibition do with it put it in a catalog worse put it in a in a case sold it they put in a display case ah it was less there by mistake how do you leave a pineapple i buy a pineapple I don't go round an art gallery and think oh I just put those pictures I'll put the pineapple down now everybody's doing it easy time now for the missing words round which this week features as its guest publication chanter the Journal of the bagpipe society and we start with lots of women struggle to what by mr. right or even mr. ten person the answer is lots of women struggle to get new top over their head outraged consumers have been posting pictures if we can atop from fashion retailer pretty little thing that's impossible to get over their head let's have a look that's not good I have the same fun with pants why do you fall on your head next what led me to bagpiping and I'll mental breakdown the loss of my political career a natural progression from the whistle - back - yeah and finally weak men more likely to what I read this it said more like to be left-wing or to be socialist color yeah is exactly right you weak men more likely to be socialist it was in that top Journal of scientific record the Sun it was actually in the Journal of evolution of human behavior I sent a copy to Jeremy Corbyn and sadly he couldn't lift it off the doormat so the final scores are but Paul and Jeremy on for who Paul and Jeremy he's on I think I might read that again I think you should yeah so the final scores are Paul and Janet on four and Ian and Henning are also on four it's a tie and which note we say thank you to our panelists in his off and Henning Ben Paul Merton and Janet reporter and I leave you with news that at the European Parliament the prank of calling an emergency meeting on a Sunday works like a dream a solo Trump completes his first tour abroad his four advisor waits patiently for him on Air Force One and after Pippa Middleton's wedding some of the guests begin to spread gossip about the bridegroom [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] so I got you to you back at the later time of ten and over on bbc2 next week we have an election debate here the Friday night comedy continues with hospital people become in a moment [Music] [Applause] you [Applause]

Channel: Stevie Janowski

Views: 34,316

Keywords: quiz, show, have i got news for you, hignfy, paul merton, ian hislop, angus deayton, full episode, politics, satire, comedy

Id: zicDoJmElEE

Length: 28min 48sec (1728 seconds)

Published: Sun May 28 2017