Have I Got News for You S53E04

[Music] [Applause] good evening and welcome to have I got news for you I'm David Harewood in the news this week running late before a rally on the environment Green Party leader Caroline Lucas rushes through the morning chores in London Simon Cowell Butler admits he's getting a bit fed up with having to deal with his boss's cat [Music] I'm not the losing his job Kelvin Mackenzie's week goes from bad to worse as he regrets leaving his team of Toffees out in the Sun for too long she only needs team tonight a writer and comedian who has won both celebrity pointless and celebrity mastermind so obviously he's very clever for a celebrity please welcome Josh [Music] around which for is a journalist and broadcaster who started out on BBC Radio Scotland and the way things are going she'll soon be back there as the BBC's foreign correspondent please welcome Kirsty walk and we start with the bigger stories of the week Ian and Josh take a look at this bananas and that's Tim Farron on the Krypton factor that's er the BBC's top political interviewers there and the reintroduction of grammar schools that exam that last one is it that they're remaking big starring Theresa May it's going to be a great film I came away from election namely the election this is the news that fearing Kathi would give her two easier ride on Newsnight Oh Theresa May subjected ourselves to the one show which member of Teresa's team was trusted to appear alongside it was her husband Phillip I mean it was upset tough interview they went straight in with do you like shoes Alex and mat the grand in key stood orange history yes you did like choose as long as they were strong and stable yes the questions included how did they meet does he like jackets or jumpers and who takes the bins out yes it was it was him yes I've never seen excite always got that kind of shot of number ten you've never seen him just you know all those first drafts have hurt me I wouldn't give him the job no no and I'm not offended put him out Oh devil spied understand you've got a prime minister on and the basis of the BBC line is that we won't ask about politics well because that would be unfair that's the Prime Minister so what happens when Jeremy Corbyn comes on he may like that but his partner's not going to go on with him no they can't do a cozy mister and missus because missus won't come on the Diana but go on she'll have a problem with the figures right [Laughter] [Music] did you like the Anton Kirti that in life there are boys jobs and girls jobs hi that was a focus group job wasn't it gently done that for that audience absolutely he takes the bins out she iron I thought it was girls jobs are being the prime minister boys jobs being in in the city making money strong and stable strong so label yeah sigh no he didn't mind so again we're tight now already baby figure here to either uplifting story about how she inspired a young woman to go into politics yes I gave did you with the inspiring he was the young woman was inspired by Theresa's shoes to go into politics I said the only reason I went into politics is your shoes and that woman was marine lepen looks like we have a look at that clip right now just to tell you a little story has happened about I suppose four five years ago I was in the mist in the House of Commons and there was a young woman in the list and I happened to look and I said oh nice pair of shoes and she said why I like your shoes and then she talked to me you said your shoes got me involved in politics right now you know really that one is channel 4 news is Michael Creek alleged about to his amaze campaign is that the conservative press officer has been refusing to allow questions to Theresa made unless they have prior approval to speak and this is in the cabinet but you're not suggesting the questions in mrs. Mays meetings are planted I'm not suggesting that at all who is then Cassie have you been allowed to ask mrs. mayor question well she keeps asking to come on but we were being picky [Laughter] [Applause] our media outlets have said that they have no such problems but Teresa may was her to accuse someone at a recent factory visit have you got a pen in your hand are you a journalist they said no this is a biro Factory no she I mean she you know she's got to touch to the Trump's touch to the early ones all kicking in now I think she's forgotten this is an election for Prime Minister not life president and dictator at least Jeremy Corbyn is prepared to meet people in the street didn't see what happened in left there the other day have a look do you know what if he takes him on the one show that'll be amazing yeah yeah during the sing another man said this to him we met in the gents toilets I said I like your shoes Kirstin who leaked the Labour Party manifesto to the BBC thank you lady there are people that see that actually it was a kind of stunt because Jeremy it would mean that it would come out it would get a bit more plate and then Jeremy Corbyn wouldn't have to launch it next week it when all the detention will all be in Jeremy Corbyn because it would be out there I think they had to leak the Labour pledges early in case the Tories just stole all of them I mean they've done it with electricity they might have done the lot really but where they actually say they would only use a nuclear deterrent with caution yes that was an extraordinary one is that unreasonable it was a draft if they just said we're going to be gung-ho with nuclear and then little note by change this later after the Labour Party's manifesto was leaked on Wednesday many commentators agree it's a great shame to see all this labour party in fighting during the election I mean come on guys did you last one ever how would you like to be dying out at explaining the number of seats locked by labels at last week's local elections right and do you know the number of net losses so far for labour at the time of us doing this interview I think the net loss is about 50 there are actually 125 net losses so far well the last time I looked we had net losses of $100 sounds a bit like a doctor checking for concussion should ask her who the prime minister did you see how ed miliband this week proved what an uphill struggle it is for labor to keep traditional working-class vote no he was actually in Doncaster mm-hmm we met an MP and tried to chat to a few locals who were unimpressed and told the Sunday Times he's just like the rest of them from that London he's a push this is obviously the election campaign and the fierce grilling of mr. and mrs. may on the one show so-called because it's the one show two resumes prepare to go on a mr. and mrs. may met at University and have been together ever since but as we know even though she's remained with him all this time to either could change her mind and leave at any minute according to the Daily Mail labor manifesto to drag us back to the 1970s according doesn't run that you'd have to sleep the Diana but all over again [Applause] also this week amber rod told reporters that being hung secretary was a bit like the TV series homeland saying I love homeland I've been glued to all six series hang on many six series they told me this got making it off a big blue me up and see you can't trust anybody and Paul and Kirsty here's one for you yeah oh yeah oh yeah have a cut of another car data gate I've kind of gated it oh well thanks for putting sound and I'm really confusing what that bit was doing yes it seems to be avocados are causing damage amongst people within Great Britain's that really yeah and so if it is a lot hands off it so problems yeah and planned surgery really yes lots of it you'll never carve another avocado again mercy Quinn was they on a Friday night laughs we got a proper liberal metropolitan story that guy from dong cop turned off talking about fruit and apparently the injuries are greater than weekend in gloves on a fattie like me good any oh yes have a card either [Music] time I talk about football yes this is this is the shocking rise in avocado related injuries a Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London surgeon the shocking Chelsea a shocking right a shocking the shopping row at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London surgeon mr. Eccles said he now treats about four patients a week though disappointingly he's never encountered an injury from a cake filled with currants so what's the name given by A&E surgeons to this avocado related injury with the mania say I think I know it's avocados and very very good point there avocado hand where amateur cooks have slashed their hand trying to cut into the fruits and remove the stone it's like stigmata I think the Irish police will be round walking around Glasgow that's how they know I going stigmata they didn't get Stephen Fry they'll get who can give us the definitive technique for safely D stoning get somebody else to do it very simple you just know you cut the avocado yeah yeah yeah why you doing it hooba nothing fish what does the cafe owner Katherine Scott think avocados should be accompanied by health warning yes small children mustn't try this you're not 18 to cut an avocado like on the cigarettes pictures of avocado injury yeah four out of five avocado eaters aren't gripper Joystiq yeah you can take bigger avocado should come with a health warning yes right katherine cut herself while slicing an avocado and said she got no sympathy from her family turns out he just a laughed and shouted middle-class problems but they soon stopped when she bashed them over the head with a verb Anthea petal bit other supports would be dreadful news that more and more middle-class people are injuring themselves preparing food especially avocados and that's just the starters [Music] [Applause] and float around to the one-armed bandit of news fingers on buzzers please and here's the first one Trump excelled himself he's shocked even America by sacking a man who's investigating him mr. Comey is in trouble but he only knew you was in trouble because he was actually attending an FBI daffy meeting and something came on the television pilot have been sacked and he said well for that such a joke you guys he thought it was Ben crank yeah FBI director those being pranked perhaps you should just maintain that line yeah and interrupt in a [ __ ] spider fine shocking isn't it it's doubly shocking because he's replaced him with Melania Trump know she'd lock him up I have no evidence for that what was the official reason for the shock dismissal of James Comey because he's bad at his job he's so bad at his job that I am still the president I think he failed to catch me how bad is what does Donald Trump written in his letter to James Comey what did he write is that way said you're related yes run you like being on the apprentice isn't it he just said you're fired yeah so you're terminated you fixing up his program and then James Comey got a wheelie suitcase not to walk out give him a second attack big I don't like it well and let's remind ourselves of the president's signature absolutely nothing unhinged in that no life support machine you'd be in trouble how did the White House press secretary Sean Spicer try to avoid reporters questions they hid in the bushes where they talked some members of the press oh you're kidding yeah you know sir they are completely nuts sillens Pfeiffer actually hid in some bushes in the White House Garden only agreed to answer question that the cameraman turned out their lights is a Halloween for this is actual true after carrying this story The Washington Post then published this correction this story has been updated to more precisely describe short spices location in the minutes before he briefed reporters spice our huddled with his staff among bushes in the White House grounds not in story originally basic I'm trying to work out he was talking to two bushes that she faces advisor what did we learn about Donald Trump's exercise routine this week and he doesn't have one that's right he doesn't do any now he believes that in order to live longer we should not do any exercise it is good news finally there's been some more shock news on the jobs front anyone know who's resigned this week luckily marlene mcgregor e from blogger who's quit a job as a cleaner with this resignation letter dear mr. McGill we notice of termination of employment the jobs clap and I'm leaving I'll not be back after June 30th Callie wait good luck in getting some other month to clean your place kitty or Marlene Scottish accent yeah I didn't really a show would end up with me accusing your braces I've got the controversial backing of FBI chief James Comey the decision to sack mr. Comey came from the very top Vladimir Putin realism bothers teams here's the next one I don't know what this is but it's what they used to call of hobby horses this oh this must be some sort of hobby horse racing that's that's right is it yes this is annealing that hobby horsing is the latest craze to hit the Finnish teams should we have a look that's a bit of hobby also yeah absolutely [Laughter] [Applause] if a sport ever needed to be drug-tested that first leaked footage where one of them falls and they have to put a curtain around the hobby factor and then no force is it Wow it's actually estimated that there are more than 10,000 people hobby horsing in Finland yeah and 200 people who has debated that Diane Abbott 200 people competed in the national championships recently let's have a quick game of don't be an idiom Oh what is the origin of the hobby horse it's obvious before we had horses wasn't it because you wouldn't bother with that there was a real horse over there it was a bit of a stick and stick head on it would yeah that'd be traversed in the 1400s it was a small horse yeah then it became a horse costume won by Morris Dancers yeah lucky Laura let's have a look everyone there's my ass look big in this so this is the latest craze hit Finland it's such an obsession with Finnish girls that they are out on their hobby horses from dawn till dusk that's a whole hour according to one enthusiam hardly horsing has a feminist agenda let's leave during a race one of the other girls throws herself in front of you oh it's time for the odd one out round Li Liang way Reza para Tesh Charlie Chaplin and Christopher Haigh right it's got to be this look-alikes I know that because the guy in the top left is China's premier Donald Trump impersonator it makes you wonder the people that turn up if he can't do the gig that's obviously Jeremy Corbyn is very good look I'm assuming he's a look-alike a Jovi called big done it Charlie Chaplin he had look-alike sort of like cashing in on his fame one who's making films about looking which is the old one else it's Charlie Chaplin Charlie Chaplin's odd one out because he's not a look-alike of himself that's absolutely right they are all successful look like apart from Charlie Chaplin who despite inspiring countless look-alikes was originally told to change his trademark look as it would never be a success if you get rid of so I never in 1913 in a newly discovered letter written by bosses of the film studio Universal in 1912 it suggested that Charlie Chaplin should lose his name and his mustache and change his hat to a beret so he said if he didn't invent the costume to 1913 so how does a letter written in 1912 well maybe maybe they were just looking at his app yeah yeah yes I'll let it go there was being a look-alike can be dangerous business as Iranian student Reza's parents aleut spitting image or he's um Lionel Messi yeah that's the one it's Barcelona star football player Lionel Messi anyone can is unbelievable that amazing that isn't that's not all that that's just Lionel Messi so you know what I bet I could make an extra hundred quid look like he looked so much like Messi he calls his traffic chaos in his home city of Iran Reza's father takes his son similarities to Messi to heart anyone know what his father did when Messi scored a winning goal against Duran in the 2014 World Cup throw him out the house or something like that exactly what he banned in from the house after the game my dad called me and said don't come home tonight why did you score a goal against their own having joined a look-alike agency rather parrot cash the Iranian Messi is now a getting a lot of bookings in fact last week he was sent off Li Liang ways China's only Donald Trump impersonator so is he making a living for this apparently now what criticism of his impersonation does Lili angry agree with he doesn't look like him it doesn't sound like him he makes no attempt to appear like nothing you don't even know who Donald Trump is he admits that he looks absolutely nothing like Donald Trump but what is the one aspect of chomp that Lee thinks he's got down to a tee pan gestures and stuff it's actually Trump's thumbs-up gesture which is agent says is spot-on let's compare the two there isn't a single thing about him that looked like president of the United States is there no but unbelievably that's what Donald Trump is anyone want to see a Chinese peasant that looks more like Donald Trump than the Chinese don't look alike yes please yeah well here it is that what links North Korean dictator Kim jong-un and an unobservant mumming Darby refuses to watch our TV Jane tweeted this my brothers changed his photo on the staircase to Kim jong-un and my mom still hasn't noticed after two weeks are layers now it's time for the missing word round which this week features at its guest publication up your kilt love it no I subscribe for you but a three is heroin which is a gotta SH metal detecting magazine what are you gonna find up there that's why you need a special detector and we start with Pope Francis - what for the first time in Vatican history does it marry a supermodel Adam if it's all a bit fast at the art Francis to appear in a feature film the Pope has appeared in a new film which will premiere at the Cannes Film Festival next week the pontiff's acting was praised but they didn't annoy the director a bit when he started he scene by saying let there be lights camera next what the worst thing about metal detecting is what the hours that loneliness trust anybody that they love you order to collection and metal the actual answer is the worst thing about metal detecting is the rivalry between different group it's a real shame every time they bury their differences some idiot digs them up again less attention-seeking gorillas wild crowd at Zoo by performing what oh it's the drum solo from the dairy milk I thought I was the main to that yeah actually exert ballet routines here is a picture of the animal mid-performance indeed evantures ooh wow sadly this piece didn't actually feature in the Sun newspaper as they just sacked their gorilla expert and finally what dragged mirthlessly off stage for what mid-performance FBI chief drug versus innovation doing his job mid-performance attention-seeking gorillas like most of your stage for forgetting the words to give me a man at midnight with more words I'd like to see that so would IV got clearance we look exactly dancing Pikachu dragged mercilessly off stage for deflating mix absorbent at the Pokemon world festival one Pikachu's costume started to deflate midway through the big dance performance let's have a look [Music] slowly final scores are Paul and Kirsty with nine points and Ian and Josh with five points [Applause] [Music] on which don't we say thank you to our panelists Ian Hislop and Josh Widdicombe Paul Merton and curtsy walk and I leave you with news that Buckingham Palace denies report that Prince Philip's decision to retire from royal duties may have been due to his failing eyesight patience rive on the border of North and South Korea Kim's troops line up every weapon available and as the number of avocado related accidents increase there's also evidence of the terrible injuries that can be inflicted when slicing a red pepper [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] expect five acres back have a usual time of nine o'clock with Frankie Boyle at the helm or the news follows next tonight and then it's Graham Norton he'll teri more in just a moment [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Stevie Janowski

Views: 4,865

Keywords: quiz, show, hignfy, have i got news for you, comedy, politics, panel show, paul merton, ian hislop, jason manford, josh widdecombe

Id: gUJdFAI6eDc

Length: 28min 57sec (1737 seconds)

Published: Sat May 13 2017