HIGNFY S31E02 Sean Lock, Peter Capaldi & Shami Chakrabarti

[Music] [Applause] good evening and welcome to have I got news for you I'm Shawn luck and in the news this week in London the man who sprayed graffiti onto the walls of the Treasury is forced to remove the words Gordon is gay after another drug trial goes wrong doctors say they're confident they've eliminated most of the side effects in London Charles Kennedy's comeback speech grinds to a halt with someone at the back opens a can of special brew on in Aesop's team is the director of civil rights organization Liberty who recently revealed that in the mid-80s she was an active member of the Social Democrat Party sorry the active member of the session please welcome Shami Chakrabarti Palmerton tonight an actor who in BBC falls the thick of it plays the prime minister spin doctor as a foul-mouthed bullying Scot a character in no way based on our circle as lawyers for the foul-mouthed bullying Scott asked us to point out Peter Capaldi Shammi take a look at this home sector he hasn't resigned yet not on going to air that's some people's passports he's never seen one before and that's his boss who's sweating it's been a bad week for Blair really and the home setting the Prime Minister have been keeping us safe from dangerous people like me the speech where he had a go at you lost too much of us we care too much about civil liberties we're not in touch with realities whinging liberals you lot it was bad timing for him really wasn't it said the fact that we're all dangerously at risk from lunatics and terrorists was your fault then became clear it was his him having released about a thousand foreign criminals back into the community on the grounds that they'd done their time and they didn't have to go home and they could reoffended mmediately I mean 10,000 foreign people in the jails I mean no wonder they're overcrowded that's quite a lot of foreign people in the jail really the papers are quite hysterical the mirror had murderers rapists killers pedophiles free to commit crime in our streets the Sun went with killers rapists speedos loose on British streets and The Times went with home office in deportation go get her get you panicking wouldn't it that it's reasonable I mean I can remember the figs were there were it was at nine murderers three rapists an alternative version of five Lords a-leaping yeah I think Clark went into our Commons and said you know he got this under control and then he had to go back and say oh I hadn't really I was told about it and I just kept releasing them another 200 of them by nice time in our jails believable story I'm pointing out two murderers where they can Berger too far there he'll be stenciling old people next to Robin therefore it's not as quick as they used to be he also said he offered his resignation to the prime minister and the Prime Minister said no because that would set a precedent wouldn't it if you hadn't resigned for being utterly useless very thin cabinet wouldn't it oh it's just me not even him and who else has had a bad week in the cabinet I mean not the obvious main course to come week of three cock-ups only one literal yes she went to the health service unions conference is our speech winter the biggest job evaluation scheme in the world the new knowledge and skills framework in place by October it's agreed with it's progress once again truly the envy of the world thank you [Applause] I think she should have finished in a song full woman I mean that's not how you deal with hecklers they normally cut them out of there well they're not enough police or saying why don't you understand the new job opportunity framework which involves you being sacked is very exciting now if the emission by home sector each ours Clark that over a thousand foreign criminals have escaped deportation they're now at large thanks the Home Office is new don't care in the community Charles Clark has been accused of not having his ears to the ground which is a terrible waste of a huge natural assets expedition q it was booed off for claiming the NHS is at its best year ever she claimed we have written a very big check for the NHS and a delighted GP and the Shetlands is cashing it as take a look at this I've got this little place John Prescott isn't it has disappointed his many fans yes there's been some office party snaps yes it's of him doing some gymnastics with yeah exactly secretary they met in 2002 at an office party and so what's the film yeah 2001 a Space Odyssey 2002 sequel he was wooing her for quite some time he was going to attract her attention once he sprang out in front of her and pulled a funny face kasib eyes we're not sure we're not sure which funny face it was with it could be this funny face or this one or even this one looks like he's trying there doesn't yes besides display himself like a peacock using beer tins like that with pie wrappings and dispensable the catches arise like a peacock yeah does he do that no he doesn't do that for mr. Prescott does this include the right to shaggy secretary in public buildings like Admiralty Arch I thought I was a position they've had a bit of a problem the opposition this week him they because Cameron can't really go for him he's got bunking Boris on the front bench the Lib Dems can't go for him so everyone's sort of putting on that long very serious face and saying this is a private matter I really think that John and Pauline should be allowed to sort this out themselves as opposed to saying God look at him twit Prescott is the man who was the first in with the Tory sleaze allegations he made absolute Hey he made jokes when any Tory was caught at it and how guess what it's him what does he do the classic it's the secretary in the office at a Christmas party good good thing he's not a cliche then soon we'll see photocopies of his bum somewhere humming it to photocopiers but what else has been revealed about Prescott this week did he go on a diet this is before Wednesday he wasn't a sort of keep fit regime that's right yeah he was sort of doing more exercise explained he works out on his own not according to the mirror a spokesman said I'm not saying if he wears a string vest or cycling shorts or whatever it will only be turned into a joke and here's how the Sun Illustrated the story well in case there's any misunderstanding the sunna pointed out this picture is in fact mocked up well that's not really ed this is the news that Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has been knocking off Charles Clark from the front pages John Prescott's affair with the secretary came as a surprise to his colleagues according to the mirror the two of them were caught together in a lift presumably when the excess load alarm went off the mirror revealed at a Christmas party he gathered her up in his arms and twirled her around in the air service all right pushing in front of him in the buffet queue the affair started over a romantic dinner with Prescott whispering sweet nothings I love you sausage you're my little dumpling oh sorry I started without you henan chamois this story was almost as big that's the Blair's Kennedy that Star Trek people says that and something this is expenses in there the price of spin and grooming and campaigning and it's it's an expensive business Star Trek suits I think and sure he's hair so she's worth it you know 7700 that much tonight yeah mine too involved a search freak the amount they spent on their hair because Sandra had spent 65 quid yeah and Cherie spent 7000 and it cause it'd be unfair to compare them so let's have a look [Applause] at that point she'd only spent about three and a half grand there's some very peculiar things there were some groundhog people the parties have this thing about getting people to dress up in amusing suits and run around after people mm-hmm it's like Groundhog Day with you lot the thing is they spent three and a half thousand pounds to make them look like groundhogs they're two different animals same animal but the one on the left's clearly taking some highly powerful drugs pissed off because he has money Michael Howard spent 3,000 pounds on on makeup what's that sort of garlic the Sun pointed out how he might look with a bit of slap it's my favorite moment of election night when they were doing his constituency and Paxman said over to the count at first and I this is the weird and wonderful election expenses incurred by the three main parties during the last election the figures show a total of seventy five thousand was spent upgrading John Prescott's battle bus by adding a waterbed mirrors on the ceiling and strengthening the rear suspension Cherie Blair spent no less than seven thousand seven hundred on her hair although most of that went on the rope the hedge and the track the mirror revealed that one of Charles Kennedy's expense claims included a note to the hotel staff which read mr. Kennedy requires a full set of newspapers by 6:30 a.m. from the old ones spread out by the side of the bed [Applause] next to the buckets full and pay to have a look at this okay this is David Cameron oh yes this was the photo opportunity of last week this is actually quite clever good those dogs have running away from him sled in the middle it makes it look like he's and there he is his name Donahoe I know somebody sweating again this is David Cameron going off to what was it Greenland await them to show that he was sort of far very colorful environmentally aware he's criticized for taking a private plane yes it emitted 20 tons of carbon dioxide will you plant trees now if you're going on holiday somewhere and you're going on a plane you can ring someone up and say will you plant a forest for me this is true to cover up my emissions there if everyone did that they'd be trees every no airports were they'd be crashing into tree any other stunts were lined up for eco Dave this week there's a big debate but whether his car is green enough or big enough or small enough they took an eco-friendly car for a drive it's called the gee whiz and he drove this man a disused airfield for a photo opportunity that's only half the car slowing emissions I've got a picture of the car he actually drove to the airfield in this is David Cameron's attempt to prove his green credentials by jetting off on a private plane to visit a shrinking glacier in Norway Cameron's glassier trip was intended to create a powerful image which the Tory party could be associated with though perhaps it was a mistake to choose something which is gradually eroding and will soon disappear altogether during his trip David Cameron experienced temperatures of minus 20 degrees cold but nowhere near as chilly as the Prescotts breakfast-table and so to round two a variation on the picture spin quiz this week we've got two pictures it's a twin picture spin quiz is the picture spin twin spin how else can I explain it fingers on buzzers this is people standing up on the plane and there's a new idea that you can get more people onto these super jets that they're building you get 900 people on if basically you strap them in standing up there's no rule to say you can't you know as long as they're sort of secured that's what you have to be a passenger you have to be secured doesn't even say inside the plane you'd be tied to the wing designers called the experienced a cross between a busy commuter train and a wall of death calm down those nervous Flyers yeah it creates more room in first-class is the time said that the new 380 Airbus will feature a library a lounge and a flat-screen waterfall how did you take the books back for three weeks yeah but listen this drawbacks even things really what is here what could they be well you'd have to make the cabin taller and the backsides of people are in different places so they would have to have adjustable I don't if their backsides I supposed to be adjustable backsides been different plate I'll be right there dessert madam your bum is behind your ear British Airways ask yourself sir and can't find it we found funny somebody else's that won their matches oh I was gonna say sitting was you like it comes around but you can't do it actually like a few apps to cover in an attempt to cram greater numbers onto the flight some airlines are considering strapping passengers to padded boards so they'll be flying standing up seems a bit silly resorting measures like this and there's still space in the overhead lockers fingers on buzzers for your next pictures I've no idea special new perfume for people who want to watch the World Cup yeah official perfume of the World Cup well not necessary the World Cup it's a range of sense aimed at football fans to give them smells that they find familiar from football there's also on a sporting theme what's being phased out over the next three years grand grandstand yeah dude there were some very notable highlights over the years it was top see the World Cup final yes is grandstand yeah and this April Fool's Day fake fight behind des Lynam in the 80s all these events live on the program and of course this is the time of year when the League championship will be settled the cricket seasons about to get underway customer support in the way that you like backed up by our highly professional team this is the Lancashire company which is offering armchair football fans the chance to recreate the center of the game in their living rooms World Cup sets will include all the familiar aromas of our World Cup scents will include all the familiar aromas of football including the tempting sari funny this one weights not names that it full-time I mean this is the most exposure this products ever gonna get accents will include all the familiar aromas of football including the tempting smell of halftime pies the pungent smell of the dressing room and the sweet smell of success not available in Scotland 48 years the BBC has finally decided to kill off grandstand it's going to be presented by Davina fingers on buzzers Phoenix Pictures [Music] it's it's an in big inflatable toy it is a hotel somebody wants to put an inflatable hotel into outer space that's the idea you fly that window out to space in tiny little bits inflate it when you're up there and if you say to people come and stay in our inflatable hotel and they say what because they want to earth nakhon here you know if label hotel word then they say yes how much is it and you say I don't know where will it be in space we're in space a big place yeah yeah it's gonna be 250 miles above the Earth's surface yeah that's in space yeah the brochure puts it convenient located for the city center how does he plan to get it up there well it doesn't matter which plan is what do you know what happens to the hotel after two years it closes down through lack of business now it just burns up so I should imagine that last week of the two years ago to go on holiday off-peak definitely off feed Oh Cho guess we'll be blasted into space of hundreds of miles an hour by state-of-the-art rocket there will then be a short coach transfer to the hotel which means at the end of this round it's in and shamming with five Paul and Peter with six next up its the odd one out round and the four are Mohamed al-fayed Frankie Howard's wig the Blue Peter time capsule and Urich and Frankie Howard's wig I think is the clue here because they recently a couple of weeks ago I think they opened up his house the public and one of the things on display was his wig which he had it for out his life really so it looked quite good in 1948 but by the end it looks a bit rough and then they buried it at the time I think and then dug it up again recently so that's what he must say these things have been dug up as Frankie Howard's wig Yorick obviously and Lupita time capsules they put it down in the earth about 90 75 been dug it up again about year 2000 or something yeah it's a goth Mohamed al-fayed must be the odd one out because he doesn't want to be buried he wants to be mummified or stuffed in a glass cabinet top of Harrods that's the right answer the answer they've all been exhumed apart from Mohamed al-fayed who doesn't even wanna be buried he said he wants to be mummified and attached to a clock outside Harrods and if you just in case you can't imagine how that would look yeah the Sun came up with this oh I said I'll cook o'clock he comes up why'd she live an opposite so Frankie Howard's wig was exhumed he put on display when his house was open to the public last weekend yeah but what does that mean it was bet was asset like his coffin or something so me didn't he buried it in the gardening yeah it was so it was buried by Cilla black and bruce forsyth in a ceremony following his death in a biscuit tin got more bids a week so amazing the wig was dug out by Frankie's former lover Dennis and his new boyfriend two gay men approaching Frankie's final resting place in the middle of the night well it's what he would have wanted digging up the Blue Peter time capture was a momentous occasion but it wasn't until they were bringing up Shep's bones that Peter Purvis said I think we've got the wrong map kin dog once played Yorick in Kenneth Branagh's version of Hamlet that's according to his CV according to his tax return he was at home painting his house time now for our missing words round which this week features guest publication pipetting news edition a request for interesting and amusing anecdotes about the pets resulted in reader Gary Cameron's hilarious reply I'm still using a P 200 for the C another [Applause] Berio bocas have a look at this often handle roughly what has a lot to cope with John Prescott secretary the bendy pipette just straight to bed yeah a pipette we establish what the pets used for yes what is it it's for picking up small amounts of liquid in an experiment and moving them over there at school game experiments I don't want to talk about it capetti news and recently announced we are bringing you our first word search after our petting cross word proved so popular in issue six go at it and I'm absolutely stuck on eight down used for transferring small amount of liquid next what to be made out of Lego Oh inflatable hotel man has rethink connected to a big famous book the Bible yes Bible scenes it this is the brick Testament website created by a priest in San Francisco which aims to make the Bible more accessible the website illustrates many stories in the Bible using the famous colored bricks there's a pivotal scene from the Old Testament story of the wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah that's john prescott of the front next up boss gets revenge by what cabinet reshuffle you name something after somebody was upset with one of his staff he was upset with I was just celebrity massage well you should go in somebody's old parlor somewhere you find it's David Dimbleby be on the couch brother they dressed identically would you like the full massage or the full Dimbleby I'll give you an election special he named a horse Emma told lies after an employee who took into a tribunal next 15 year old pupils use per pets to what to advance our knowledge of the pipette and see more of a intrinsic tool in today's world rather than a stupid word with written on it is it to squirt each other with water no it's what they're meant for four chemical chemical experimentation to carry out scientific experiments news that's a status quo you can't lose to just print the stateless quo and call it news at a recent conference professor Thomas at the Institute of grassland research was presented with a gold commemorative pipette later ejected from the conference screaming 25 bloody is where's my Rolex so the final scores are even chamois have 9 Paul and Peter have 11 on which note we say thank you to our panelists in Hislop and Shami Chakrabarti Palmerton and peter capaldi and I leave with news that the winner of Saudi Arabia's pop idol unsuccessfully tries to disguise herself with a pair of dark glasses the producer of the bbc's consumer rights program watchdog begins to regret last week's exposure of cowboy plumbers and at Westminster Boris Johnson gives an exclusive interview to a female journalist [Music] [Applause] just look who's back Mel and Grif together again showing off their funny bits not to be missed the Smith and Jones sketchbook exploding onto your screen next here on BBC one Wales and later Justin Hawkins david morrissey Dennis Waterman and Amanda Redman with Jonathan Ross at 10:30 and you can listen to highlights from have I got news for you on BBC CD and there's now a second volume of the best of the guest presenters availa

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Length: 29min 1sec (1741 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 05 2019