-♪ Hashtags ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ Hashtags ♪
-Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite
UnhappyCamper tweets from you guys.
Here we go. This first tweet is from
@BatesEricka. She says, "My family was singing
'Kumbaya' together when the park ranger came
and asked if we could keep it down
or pick a new song." [ Laughter and applause ] It's what you do
when you're camping. -Come on!
-Come on, dude. -Come on!
-"Sorry, everybody, but do you know 'Fancy'?"
All I got. [ Laughter ] This one is from @brockstar35.
-Yeah. He says, "My friend thought
it'd be funny to wake us up by shooting a shotgun
right by our tent and yelling
like someone shot him." [ Laughter ] -That's not funny.
-It is funny a little bit, but --
-No! [ Laughter ] -What's wrong with people?
That's insane. This one's from @KaraMarie6791. She says, "I thought
I packed a tent, but instead I accidentally
packed a pop-up soccer goal." [ Laughter ]
Aw, no. Useless. Useless on a camping trip.
-No, not good. Not good at all. -It might even trap animals.
I don't know what it would do. This one's from @MarcMacWebb. He says,
"Pulled off the road late one night
to set up camp. Thought we found
a really nice spot but woke up on a golf course." [ Laughter ]
"This is perfect, man! Let's just unpack right here!" "Fore!"
-[ Imitates golf ball flying ] -This one's from @Juliaaa888. She says, "At the sleepaway
camp I went to, we weren't allowed to say
the word 'hate.' Instead we had to say
'un-camperific.'" [ Laughter ]
-Ew. -Much harder to say.
-I'd un-camperific that. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] This one's from @dannyp58. He says, "Every night we threw
dead fish in the girls' cabin. They thought the fish
were jumping in the cabin out of the lake." [ Laughter ] -Wait.
-I don't think so. I think you thought
they thought that. -Yeah, you thought
they thought that. I don't think
they ever thought that. -"These fish are jumping
out of the lake and opening the window
and jumping in." -Oh, my God! How far away?
The lake's 2 miles away! -"Every night, it's happening.
I can't believe it!" [ Laughter ] "I'm gonna buy more gems." -♪ Boop boop boop boop
doo-doo boop ♪ -Last one here is from
@preschlteacher. She says, "I took
an air mattress on a camping trip
but forgot the pump, so I slept on the ground
all weekend. Got home to realize the pump
was built into the mattress." [ Laughter ]
There you go. There you have it. Those are our
"Tonight Show" hashtags. To check out
more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. -♪ Hashtags ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Now I thought I'd share
some of my favorite OneTimeInClass tweets
from you guys. Here we go. This first one is from
@ianwilkie. He says, "I grew a rat-tail
over the summer. In school, the girl
sitting behind me cut it off on the first day and said, "I'm not staring
at that all year." -Justice never sleeps. [ Laughter and applause ] This one's from @Tweets4J. She says, "A student
fell asleep in class, so the teacher changed the clock
to 3:00 p.m., shut the lights off, and
had the class wait outside." [ Laughter and applause ] -That's a cool teacher.
I like that. -Come on, that's a cool teacher.
Tweet! -This one's from @dorseyreinke. She says, "I was turned around
talking to the guy behind me when the rubber band
on my braces snapped and landed in his mouth." [ Audience groans ] "Ew!" [ Laughter and applause ] "Uh..."
-Boing! Bing!
[ Laughter ] -Doy! Toots!
[ Laughter ] This one's from @RachelAlbert.
She says, "I grabbed a sweatshirt
from the dryer and put it on. When I got to school, I pulled out a pair
of my dad's underwear from the pocket."
[ Laughter and applause ] [ Chuckles ]
-Oh, my God! ♪ Yadda-dadda yadda-dadda ♪ ♪ Dadda-da tweep ♪ [ Laughter ] Last one's from @IAmAlexGallo. I wonder who tweeted that. -Who was it? Who tweeted it? -I -- I don't know.
[ Laughter ] This one's from @IAmAlexGallo.
[ Laughter ] She says, "A girl was supposed
to introduce me to the class. She said, 'This is Alex,
and she's a virgin.' I was a vegan."
-Whoa! -A vegan!
[ Laughter and applause ] There you have
the "Tonight Show" hashtags. To check out
more of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. We'll be right back
with Kaley Cuoco! Tweeting, everybody! ♪♪ -♪ Hashtags ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Tonight I thought I'd share
some of my favorite MyKidIsWeird tweets
from you guys. Here we go. This first tweet is from
@JarenMcCormick. She says, "My kid told me
that my butt looked like a bag full
of chicken nuggets." [ Laughter and applause ] -Is that weird?
-Yeah, it's weird. -It was more of a truth-teller.
-No, it's weird. This one is from @mollyligonn. She says, "My nephew once
sneezed out a Sour Patch Kid. I still have no idea
where it came from." [ Laughter and applause ] "We didn't have Sour --
Where'd you..." -"He hasn't eaten one of those
in 10 years." -"I found it on the sidewalk."
[ Laughter ] This one's from
@facelessukulele. -Oh, wow.
[ Laughter ] Love face.
-That name is taken on Twitter. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] She says, "One of
the kids in my class came out of the bathroom
and quietly said to himself, 'Well, that hurt.'" [ Laughter and applause ] "Huh?" [ Laughter ] This one's from @timdrake. He says, "My friend's kid
will just stare at him and meow when he's hungry, since that's what the cat does
to get food." [ Laughter and applause ] Meow! Meow! [ Laughter and applause ] This one's from @jodyandmatt. She says, "My son told his class
that my job is that I 'stand at a hotel
and guys come to see me.' I work at the front desk." [ Laughter and applause ]
What? "Guys come to..."
[ Laughing ] "I stand at a hotel,
and guys come to see me." -Never stays the night. He's only there
for a few hours a day. And then she gets paid. -Uh...
[ Laughter ] This one's from @BaristaSimmer. She says, "When I caught
my daughter picking her nose, she said,
'I'm putting it back in.'" [ Laughter and applause ] -It's a Sour Patch Kid.
-It's a Sour Patch Kid. This one's from @jehedgesphoto. She says, "My 9-year-old
daughter asked, 'Mommy, when I grow up, will my boobs be
as long as yours?'" [ Laughter and applause ] "Go to bed."
[ Laughter ] This one's from @TMCully. She says, "Found this --"
this is a picture -- "Found this
on the dining room wall. Asked our 4-year-old son
what it meant. He said, 'You can't know.'" It says "horse hair." [ Laughter ] That's weird.
[ Laughter ] "What does that mean?"
"You can't know." [ Laughter ]
-"You must never find out." [ Laughter ] -"Horse hair." Last one's from @Jenboston.
This is a photo. She says, "My 3-year-old asked to have her picture taken
with store mannequins." Here's the photo.
[ Laughter ] That's cute, that's cute! There we go. Those are "Tonight Show's"
hashtags. To check out more
of our favorites, go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.
