(students chattering) - Silence. That's enough yammering from you lot. (Severus sighs) Welcome back to another
magical year at Hogwarts. As you're all aware, the
muggle-born COVID pandemic has become so widespread that
we in the wizarding world can no longer ignore it. As such, we are taking
a note from the muggles and moving all our
classes online this year. A terrible, terrible
inconvenience, I'm aware, but we all must find a way to cope. - Oh, what potion is that, Professor? - A tequila sunrise, Ms. Granger, a very advanced concoction. - Uh, professor. Why can't we just use magic
to get rid of the virus? - Because, Mr. Longbottom, the logic of the wizarding
world is held together by duct tape and begins to unravel at the slightest bit of scrutiny. I mean, we loan out incredibly
powerful time-travel devices to 13 year olds so they
can take extra classes. Nothing makes any sense, and you'd be better off if
you didn't think about it. Anyway, I will be your
defense against the dark arts professor this year-- - I'm here, I'm here. Hello. - Well, well, Mr. Potter, so very kind of you to fit
us into your busy schedule. - I'm sorry, everyone. The wifi is really bad under the stairs. and it, just it took me ages to connect. - The Dursley's got you
back onto the stairs, mate? - Yeah. They said they didn't
wanna take any chances, so I've been locked in here since March. - If you're quite finished
with the pleasantries, Mr. Potter, I do have a class to teach. - Ha! Figures you'd let your muggle family treat you like dirt, Potter. After all, you're
nothing but a filthy mu-- - And that's about enough
out of you, Mr. Malfoy. As a reminder to everyone, there are no racial slurs in this class. It's 2020, get woke. - Whoa, did you use a silencing
spell on him, professor? - What? No, Mr. Weasley, I muted him. I have admin privileges. God you're thick. - Oh Ronald, while there is such a thing as a Silencio Charm, given the physical distance
between the professor and Draco, there's no possible way it
would have any effect on him. - And Ms. Granger that know it all remark just cost you 10 points from Gryffindor. - Are you kidding? - Let's make it 15, shall we? - Wait, are we still doing
the House Cup this year? I mean, seems kinda pointless since we're not living together
and quidditch is canceled. - As a Hufflepuff I really don't think you need to worry too
much about the House Cup. (everyone laughing) - [Student] 'Cause Hufflepuff sucks. - Oh. All right, everyone, I believe we've wasted quite enough time. Wands at the ready. I will now be showing you the
blasting curse, Confringo, which should only be used as self-defense in the most extreme situations. Watch my movements carefully. The slightest variation on this spell-- - Confringo! (Neville explodes) - Could cause exactly what
happened to Mr. Longbottom. Great, wonderful. We are three minutes into the new semester and we already have an injury. Normally I would tell you
to go to the hospital wing, but our headmaster has not come up with a protocol for this kind of situation. So, walk it off, I guess. (Neville thumps) I could kill Dumbledore for this. - Is he gonna be okay, professor? - I'm sure he'll be fine. Everyone, wands at the ready. And this time follow my movements exactly. (Harry giggles) Mr. Potter, would you care
to share whatever it is you find so much more
interesting than my lesson? - Uh, it's nothing, professor. I was just sending a
quick message to Ginny. We were talking about,
you know, school stuff. - Really? Well let's take a look using
Screen Share, shall we. - No, no, no, no, no. (everyone laughing) - My, my, Mr. Potter. What a spicy DM. - [Voldemort] Looks like
Harry Potter is giving a new meaning to the term student body. (Voldemort laughing) - Voldemort. - Oh, for god's sakes. Of course, you'd be the one to show up and Zoom-bomb my class. Where's my sunrise? - Too scared to come face
me in person, are you? - Well, my dear boy, you can't
be too careful these days. I mean, sure I have my Horcruxes, but who knows how the
virus might affect them? - Wait, what's a Horcrux? - Nothing, nothing. That, uh, that definitely
doesn't concern you. Don't look it up. - Okay, let's get a move on. What's your big plan then? - Well Harry, I might not be
able to kill you right now, but at least I can stop you from reaching your full potential. Now prepare to endure pain
worse than the Cruciatus Curse. ♪ Tiny shark, do, do, do, do, do ♪ - Make it stop! - Oh my god, it's awful. - Please make it stop! - I actually kinda like it. - Get used to it, Harry. 'Cause it's the only
sound you'll be hearing for the rest of the school year. - Oh god! It's the perfect plan. I bet you've even masked your IP address so we can't find you. (record scratching) - I'm sorry, masked my what now? - Wait. (keyboard clicking) Oh my God, he actually didn't. Oh found him. Ah professor, he's hiding
out at Malfoy Manor. - Shocking. - What? No I'm not. Uh. (Voldemort crackling) You're breaking up. I'm going through a tunnel right now, bye. Phew, saved it. - He didn't even log off. He just turned off his camera. Wow, he is really bad at this. - An excellent discovery, Mr. Potter. I am sending a squad of Aurors
to Malfoy Manor as we speak. - [Voldemort] Hm, I
wonder if the new episode of "90 Day Fiance" is streaming yet? - [Man] Voldemort, you're under arrest. - [Voldemort] Oh, (beeps)! - [Woman] Petrificus Totalus. (Voldemort crashing) - [Voldemort] Why didn't I listen to the bloody VPN commercial? - [Man] Target down,
returning to the ministry. (students cheering and clapping) - Well done, Mr. Potter, well done. Your rudimentary grasp
of muggle technology has apparently saved us all. (Harry sighs) - You know, it has been a
pretty terrible year so far, but maybe, just maybe, things are starting to
look up for a change. - Uh, hold that thought. I've just received a DM from the ministry. Apparently Voldemort has escaped custody and is on a murderous
rampage throughout London. Oh, and also Dumbledore is dead. - Oh (beeps) 2020! - Hey everyone, thanks for watching. We wanna give a big shout out to Displate for sponsoring this video. Displate makes incredibly cool high quality metal art posters. They're all officially licensed. And Displate is partnered with
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