Half & Half 2023 🌸🌷 The Big All Bets Are Off Episode 🌸🌷 Best comedy american Full Episodes

hey Mona I brought your I'm playing word [ __ ] and I'm about to get the highest score yes nobody unscrambles on the fly like me take it where you can get it Sis now I will just type in my screen name Curly MO and hey I only got the second highest score some idiot named Tiffany law beat me that idiot is me Tiffany my favorite jewelry store law law student isn't it cute no I've been working to be number one on this for months I know how you feel one time I came in second and it drove me crazy but it just made me want to work harder to be the best really no I made it up I was the number one Storyteller in Girl [Music] Scouts through this journey of Discovery through this journey of discovery finding you I'm finding me finding you I'm finding me now that I have someone special who brings out the joy out the Joy inside of me ins of all we need is love you the way I feel it should be you and [Music] me [Music] good morning hey man I finally built the perfect music library man I got playlist to get dressed with to work out with and my personal favorite music to Funk the ladies with ew all I have on my iPod is some techno crap my ex-boyfriend deer downloaded for me deer the German guy you know the one I call Dos booty anyway can I download your library I'll stop staring at your biscuits when you walk by man with all the time and money I put into this if you want it you're going to have to pay for it I never pay for it morning hey Mona what a long face did that creepy guy at the deli hit on you again Mona I can make you happy I love you now it's Dei she beat me at word wamp a that's rough I'm surprised you even got out of bed I know it's not a big deal to you but it is to me I mean if I do 10 reps at the gym de's got to do 20 if I get hit on she gets proposed to her whole life she's always had to outdo me potato lucky Mister only 50 CS who knew and of course you know who had to have her own little stand gourmet cookie Mister I've got chocolate chip chocolate chocolate chocolate chip chocolate chip P white chocolate chip how are my little business women not good I don't get it my grandma Sophie scissor potato Lois are a hit at all our Hanukkah parties well I'll take two M here Mommy wash out the nasty with some water I've got bottled water water with lemon water M IC water F water de's always had to top me and I've already given up on all the big stuff She'll always be thinner and younger than me but now she's moving in on my turf the worthless trivia of daily life and I am not having it so beat her at something there's got to be something you better at wearing chunky shoes getting dumped by guys hiding things in your hair okay game over baby baby I'm baby I'm baby baby I'm baby I'm all right Atlanta sound real good but I don't think they hurt [Music] y'all okay let's eat oh was that bread cheese veggies what you invited me down to make sandwiches so I brought some things I knew you wouldn't have like things to make sandwiches of course you did O Mona I need your advice remember my law professor Martin Wilkins I remember you're in law school I love how close we've become anyway he's going through a bitter divorce so some of the students are taking turns entertaining him this Friday is my turn and I want my night to be better than anybody else's well what does he like complaining about his wife praising my Superior performance hey does he like to play cards how about poker it's hip it's fun and all the B- level celebrities are playing it and I know both Spencer and Adam play oh yeah I can impress Professor Wilkins with my black history playing cards Clarence Thomas is the [Music] Joker hey Mona I brought a bag of photos of us from the'80s thought we put it in a scrapbook and call it what were we thinking I can't I'm playing poker at DS oh I love poker Texas hold them's my game oh sorry Ma we're playing a new game it's called No Mama's allowed you got to let me in on this remember when I taught you how to play yeah you told me it'd be more fun than watching TV that's because they had taken away our illegal cable box and I had to entertain you somehow you're eating all your crayons well I talked Dei into playing poker so I can finally beat her at something I mean everything in my life is starting to click my hair is working I found a good lipstick color and then Dee goes and makes the perfect sandwich and I'm in a bad mood for a week that girl does make a mean sandwich any he left overs look I know that it's Petty but it bugs me and I ate the whole thing of course it's Petty it's what we do best is that something to brag about if it's all you got [Music] oh Professor Wilkins so glad you could make it sorry I'm tardy I had to take public transport with the unwashed masses my soon to be ex-wife got the Lexus do you have any Scotch preferably lagavulin it's exceedingly rare I just happen to have that you would hey guys hey what's up peoples this is my boy Mao from from college I would have brought June bug but he's under house arrest you brought Mr Kiss and Tell I sense a dark and dirty back story dish it's nothing to tell Mo and I hooked up in college I was happy I wanted to tell somebody you got on a mic at a rally they printed it in the paper the next day didn't mean to make you mad [Laughter] girl chasing your tail Phyllis did you learn that from your cats I guess we humans do take after our pets your breath reminds me of Coco why you headed up to my daughters they're playing poker but no Mama's allowed and I'm tempted to crash poor phy is always going where you're not wanted I'm going where the action is now you coming or you afraid I might take you to the cleaners like you've ever been to the cleaners you're in a good mood that's cuz we're playing poker the game Texas hold them the pot No Limit Oh professor your glass is empty more 1922 Log ofen please I'll take some of that lahola I think you've had enough you know how you talk too damn much when you drink go in the BR to anybody who hadn't been such an animal in bed and I just did it again didn't I I'm so glad you're here helloo what's this a poker party we want in and we won't take no for an answer please ladies join us what's two more women taking money from me if you hit a lucky streak maybe you can win my pension since it's all I have left single and morose Phyllis this might be a lucky night hope you're not wearing your granny panties I'm out I'm in come on S man you're the worst poker player ever good on some cash he's kicking my ass no way I'm out I got a hand like a foot you said it not me I F me too this is good why do they call this liver worst they should call this liver best I'm out of the hand of my marriage in my house I just want to crawl into a hole and die feel I think he's flirting so SP it's just you and me and you're out of money but I will let you bet your music playlist done let's see the riv yay four sixes Come to Papa beat by a guy in a man scarf it's a dark day this is it Dee I've been waiting for this all night I see your bet and I raise you with everything I've got go for it baby make your Mama Proud call straight Jack high oh and I only have five pretty red ones FL beats a straight well played D what but but how well after the Flop there was a possible straight on the table then when you didn't raise on the turn I got to see the river for free and win Mona said you didn't play poker I don't except when I had that private tutor in Monte Carlo did I not mention that no the girl is a ruthless competitor Dei Thorn would eat her young I wish my in-laws had done [Laughter] that well you know what Dee this is the last time that I play with you because you always have to win and you always have to be better than me that's not true and it's I better than I well ah I don't give a damn that's it now that's it you must be very [Music] proud Mona Thorne stop right there what the hell was that well I can't take it anymore I mean I thought I'd found the one thing to help even the score with Dei and then she turns around and kicks my ass she did do that but we are in the middle of a war here and you do not just give up it's the Hales versus the have not well I know which side we're on look this is bigger than you I've had hot hands all night and I still have a chance to take down Aid so you march your Sor sour ass back up those stairs and support your have not mama let be a lady tonight and that lady is me I am in oo a bold move by Lady D does she have a good poker face or Botox paralysis only a plastic surgeon knows for sure too rich for my my blood thank you Dee tonight was a lovely distraction from my hellish life you get an A for entertainment but the intensity of the older broads is a bit much but uh Professor I have cake it's probably chocolate with brown nose frosting I take it to go but I'm sure my wife would take that too which is why I'm going home to bury my golf clubs in the yard and so he leaves another black black man broke by the system now it's up to mtown Mama will she call will she raage will she slap you upside your heads if you don't shut up and this stings for days I see you and I raise you I don't seem to have enough chips I'll call with this your credit's no good here man hands I guess you can't afford to play anymore huh only thing I can't afford is to lose to the likes of you Mom what are you doing that is your wedding ring Dee This Is War watch and learn Full House Queens over Kings that's a good hand but too bad it's not good enough Full House Aces over Kings but more importantly fyis overa big Dey don't got no ring no more you are not seriously going to take my ring oh it doesn't get any more serious than this oh now that's wait I don't mind gaining you keep the chips I got the rock mom you're fine dear I'm fine it's it's just just a ring can I stay here with you just until your father dies take one half take the other just like that we together I know sometimes we might fight but hope [Music] maybe I'm crazy but it sounds like she's singing about me and my sister yeah kind of I can't concentrate I still can't believe Dei beat me ah you still tripping about that well what could I have done differently play better I'm serious well you from the gut Dei calculates barely moves a muscle except when she tucks her hair behind her ears I noticed that cuz it's damn sexy well I noticed it cuz it's damn annoying along with my constant losing in fact it seems like every time she tucked her hair back I lost hey do you know what this means de sexy and you're a loser Dee has a tell she tucks when she has a good hand and now that I know that Guess Who is is making a poker comeback you better just tell [Music] me hey like the new outfit I bought to match my ring okay Ma you've had your fun and you made big Dei sweat but there's no way that you can keep that that's what your father said about the wash and dry when I divorced him but it's still working ain't it that's not the point Mona we've decided to take you up on your request for a rematch it's only fair that my mother get a chance to win her ring back oh my God she's wearing it and with that outfit rematch what rematch well I set up another game cuz you're on a roll besides remember the big speech you gave me about the halves and the have knots wake up Carly the have knots have it and wouldn't you like some earrings to go with it now you're talking okay it's on I'm going to win your Jew je and your car too you can keep the little man oh come on big girl we ain't got all day lay him a plane went a few hands and suddenly we playing with the wuang clan what's the matter can't run with the High Roller oh Phyllis as if your thighs allow you to run without starting a flash fire I fold I call and I raise you why are you staring at my hair oh no reason so you want to play well I will pay to see what you've got I got a whole lot of nothing yes take that Miss Tiffany L you'll probably be sore in the morning since you're not used to flexing your loser muscle coupon Clippers up one high futin fools down seven carat all right we get it you won oh I don't think you do get it cuz we won we won we one what are you doing when I feel down I paraffin look I'm sorry for what I said in there should have been enough that I beat you I just I got carried away it was an ugly side of you Mona believe me when I saw my mother take it to a whole another level I realized just how ugly it was why is beating me so important to to you cuz it's absolutely no fun always losing to you and you're so damn competitive I am not competitive I just can't stand losing if I'm not the best then what am I like everybody else Mona I feel bad enough already wow this thing is deep for you I mean you're in competition with the whole world not just me I guess I'm the one who made it personal all these years well stop doing that it's just dragging you down Mona this is who I am and there's no shaking it I have no idea where I get it listen up there's still a battle going on out there and as long as I have breath in my body and my rings on that scarecrow's finger we keep playing I said we keep [Laughter] playing okay maybe I have an inkling where it comes from we all have our burdens a bear and you know it's wrong for your burden to be wearing my burden's wedding ring well what can we do I tried talking my mom into giving it back but she threatened to swallow it I'm all in and it looks like your winning streak has come to an end what are you going to do call cry well I got five bucks in an Altoid left Ma I don't have any money what about the ring what about it look at my cards I'm going to clean her out I haven't even shown this off at my parents Without Partners meeting Ma you only go for the free coffee and Pie Fork it over oh I'm sorry I can't seem to get it all Aces and Jacks three kings read them and weep give me back my bling I don't want to I have a hacksaw in my trunk and I'm not afraid to use it I'd make you cut it off but it's not the thinger I want to give you your performance was wonderful so is yours was it hard being on that swollen hand oh my God how did she stretch out Platinum dude you've had my music for days give it back Adam what did you do man there's nothing on here but [Music] but what's up with that okay okay I tried to put your playlist on mine but somehow deer's dance makes got on yours instead you deleted my entire Library how do you want to die in a hot tub with Jackie Chan h h h [Music] [Music] woohoo yay two with everything but no onions on mine I have a woman I'll have sauerkraut and onions I have too did you see that unfortunately now that I'm off the market all the females want a piece of this spense it's a forbidden food Theory when you're in a committed Rel relationship people are more attracted to you really cuz I was also thinking maybe it has something to do with my tree trunk like biceps I'm usually not this Bal but I had to approach you excuse me but how do you know I'm not his woman she's not my [Applause] woman through this journey of Discovery through this journey of Discovery finding you I'm finding me finding you I'm finding me now that I have someone speci who brings out the joy out the Joy inside of [Music] me all we need is the way I feel it should be [Music] you so ma we've been missing each other lately what's new let's see all four cats had worms that was messy they sell Starbucks at my grocery store and now oh and I bought an inflatable man so now I can drive in the carp Lane okay before you two are spooning in bed you really need a social life look who's talking please the last time you dated people still had turntables who are you saving it for Morgan Freeman hey guys I brought you some desserts phis Thorn you've got a man I have a sick sense about these things and I am never never wrong never ever admit it okay yes I'm seeing someone really cuz sometimes I am wrong ma what happened to saving yourself for Morgan Freeman you said it was time to move on I just said it see how will I take advice well this is great you have a man a real man a breathing man why don't you tell me because I'm a very private person not with my business you're not I'm sorry it's just that Earl and I have only been dating for a month and we decided to keep it on the QT till we knew where it was headed a whole month this is huge what does he look like what does he do has he made it to First bace yet Earl is fine owns his own business and I forget where first bace is but he's definitely on deck and every time I see him my heart skips a beat a that is so precious I hope I can still have those kinds of feelings when I'm in my golden years that didn't come out right so when do I get to meet him oh forget it took me 10 years to reel one in I don't want you tipping over the boat before I got him in the net Ma I want to be part of the things that make you happy and I I haven't seen you this happy since you thought your cat scratched a heart shape in the kitty litter believe what you want I know what I saw Mom oh all right I'll bring him by tomorrow great I'll whip him some snacks honey he ain't staying that long you get a glimpse and he's gone why are you two acting like you've never seen me go out with a man before we haven't hey everybody damn mamaa you clean up good real good thank you baby I still got it but I'm ready to give it away okay Spence did you bring the extra film I couldn't even get in the drugstore women were rushing me so hard I mean what's a super sexy brother to do first of all super sexy Brothers don't call themselves super sexy and second of all you tell those heers and heat you're in a committed relationship oh that's ear hello muffin top just looking for a little D phis your clothes match aren't you Brave dressing in front of a mirror these days yes this is what it looks like to dress sober come on mother we got to go yeah thanks for dropping by why are you all suddenly so anxious for me to leave don't be ridiculous we're always anxious for you to leave hi I'm Earl and obviously loss this is a manfree Zone hello hansome hello beautiful everyone this is Earl my man he's tall Earl I'd like you to meet my daughter Mona hi this is Spencer Dee and Big Dee it's nice to meet you all I'm so thrilled that someone has finally taking out our little Phyllis mother what are you doing if he's dating Phyllis he must be blind okay we've got to go now forgive them for rushing off the big ones got to do a drag show tonight he she's doing Latoya Jackson really he's very convincing although I could tell a little around the feet so Earl have a seat tell us about yourself yeah like how do you two meet at a food festival to P 39 our eyes met as we both reach for a giant turkey leg we decided to share it I let her have the skin isn't he [Music] romantic but poultry aside most captivating thing about Phyllis is her spirit and then those eyes and that [Music] smile old dude's rap is tight so tell me Earl what exactly are your intentions towards my mother to get me to dinner on time bye it was a pleasure meeting both of you same here you kids have fun do you have cab there in case something comes up if something comes up I won't need a [Music] cab sorry this seat is taken my friend Meredith Kesler is sitting there and you don't want to mess with a New Yorker I don't see anyone then meet my friend Jimmy cheu hi don't I know you you're um let's see I know I know your name give me a minute uh it's a Denise right Denise yes from that time we met at that place and and you were with that man you're with Oh you mean my husband Earl your husband Earl oh no I mean I know because I know you and that's Earl and you are married to him right right you know what I have to go I have trouble with intimacy wait what did you say your name was um olive olive Marino I'm Italian on my daddy's side bye I knew Earl was too good to be true what am I going to do Mona you have to tell your mom about him but she's so happy it's been a week since she nagged me about popping out some grand babies you got to be strong you got to do this and you know I'm here for you sis hey girls I'm out of here hey hey hey let go of that door and I'll be be picking up your French tips oo fighting words what's going on I think mona can answer that Mona is it something juicy I think mona can answer that Mona is something wrong I think mona can answer that okay it's obvious Mona's on her own here sis ma it seems that Earl's married and I met his wife oh oh this can't be happening I'm sorry ma but we had to tell you so stupid and embarrassed and to put you girls in this position it's not your fault Phyllis yeah you didn't know Earl was married actually I did I just didn't want you [Music] to but Ma how could you keep seeing him if you knew he was married he's not married married he's separated and they're getting a divorce they haven't had a real marriage in years what they have a fake marriage they dress up in little costumes married is married Mona if Earl says his marriage is over I believe him phis they looked awfully chummy when I saw them together what about his wife nobody thought about me when I was separated okay I'm out of this conversation and Ma you really don't know this guy look I'm tired of being without a man and at my age the only models available are pre-owned so what if Earl doesn't have that new car smell I'm going to hang a pine tree on his ass and keep driving I am not giving him up so what do you make of this whole Phyllis Earl thing what do you care just that something's a bit strange a little skew a smidge wonky I don't know what you're talking about everything's normal there's nothing to spill if there was something to spill I spill it you're being loyal to your sister I admire that and I would never want you to say something to betray her trust here write it down I'm not telling you a t do you like my ring 10 carats of brilliant cut Flawless diamonds one day it'll be yours it's so sparkly tell me what you're keeping from me and you can have it now there now you're the prettiest girl in the whole room okay but you can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you Mona told me that Phyllis told Earl that you're a drag queen how dare that Lonely Cat hurter I'll take my ring back now but you said I could have it hey it's a tough world and mother wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't prepare you I just can't understand how my mom mom of all people could be dating a married man what's the big deal when you separate you have license to date other people says who a bunch of horny guys are there any other kindy hi I'm Randy and I'm Rita and y'all are both bold we're having a party Friday night want to join us with every ounce of my being I mean uh no thank you I'm in a uh committed relationship and honest guy what a turn on too bad we can't fight over him but you can I'll hold your blouses hi I brought Sushi chocolate and a copy of Oprah's magazine oh look she's on the cover again let me guess you're trying to butter me up cuz you're on your way to see Earl and you want my approval how' you know that you always bring me my favorite foods when you don't want me to be mad mad and you're wearing your butt shaper pants well I am meeting ear at the St Francis Hotel I think he's going to tell me he's finally getting that divorce you are not going down there to be with someone else's husband hello I'm the mother here you need to remember how you felt when you were separated and you lost your husband to another woman but in this case you're a big Dey oh you have crossed a line young lady I am not Big Dee and this is not the same situation you keep telling yourself that and I'll keep telling myself this chocolate won't go to my hips and tomorrow we'll both be wrong thanks for bringing over the salsa wait this expired two weeks ago please an expiration date is just a [Laughter] suggestion apparently a good one hi can I help you oh my God you're so young uh thank you before I say anything else I just want you to know how difficult it is for me to be standing here right now I I've rehearsed this moment over and over in my head I I just need you to listen I'm all ears who are you look I know the truth about you and my husband Earl I found your address when I was searching through his pockets yes I search his pockets who are you to judge okay he was here but he wasn't here to see me he was here to see somebody else hey Mona which one of these do you think is more naughty Denise olive marish olive Marino yes Olive Marino oh my God you're the one Earl's been seeing well I suppose he told you he was separated and contemplating divorce well let me tell you something for 20 years 20 years I've cooked his food laughed at his corny jokes and put up with his Country Ass Family I'm not giving all that up without a fight then I guess we're all on the same page because when I realized that Earl was married I broke it off and I've recently met the man of my dreams is this gu moly mask edible there's my suntan Superman now baby I missed you so much today that's it you women are animals I'm not leaving my apartment again without K damn my finest I don't know what's going on here but I am not buying it me either I'm going to track down Earl and get to the bottom of this oh oh you just had to drag your new man into it hey the lady bought all of Marino I went for broke wait wait wait my mom's with her we got to track her down before Denise takes her down I hate to say it but life was a lot easier when your mother wasn't [Music] dating thank you would you like to dance or should I just kiss you now Earl I thought we came here to discuss your marital situation okay you can kiss me now now stop trying to change the subject oh I already forgot what it was listen now that we're here why not enjoy each other without all my baggage I uh got us a room the champagne and your favorite goobers you dropped your family things are very complicated Phyllis I'm doing the best that I can sure you are but how long is that going to take if it was my choice it would be over tomorrow but tonight I want to be with you I know but to be safe I better go up first see upstairs waiter could you see this gets returned to the front desk please hold up tired of always doing the right thing if loving him Is Wrong I Don't Want to Be Right no no have to live with myself God knows it's hard enough already now take this key man and run run oh my I am so glad we found you where's Earl what are you two doing here I think mona can answer that Mona ah Earl is still very much with his wife she came to my apartment she was looking for his mistress which would be you and I know you don't want to hear this especially from me but this relationship is a dead end and you just got to trust that there's something better out there for you okay okay you said let him go done I just said it well when a mother has a daughter smart as you she listens on what planet are you playing mind games with me because if you are you're good I've always been good you're just finally catching on You Know M there is a bright side to all this at least now you know you can still open your heart to a man true next time I just have to run his license get his fingerprints and do a background check you're a wonderful daughter monath Thon now move and you are okay too despite your parents all right I got to go before my validation runs out I refuse to lose a man and overpay for parking wow I feel so powerful maybe now I can get my mom to stop wearing her slippers to the movies baby steps moner baby steps [Music] phis big Dey I know all about your sorted little secret how dare you call me a drag queen you only wish you could pass for a woman enough woman for a fullsize man but I am sorry I called you a drag queen thank you don't thank me I just don't want to insult drag queens [Music] woohoo [Music] what's the surprise is it in the bag is it something that's on its way it's you isn't it yeah how' you guess because it's just like the surprise you got me from my 20th and 23rd birthdays I was a struggling college student not when you were 23 oh yeah that year I just forgot listen I need a place to crash for a few days of course you can stay here but what's going on they're treating my building for toxic mold some [ __ ] had a leaky toilet they didn't report had they catch you my water bill is $800 through this journey of Discovery through this journey of discovery you I'm finding me I'm finding you I'm finding me now that I have someone special who brings out the joy out the Joy inside of me inside of me all we need is the way I feel it should be you and [Music] me oh telling you never go out with a guy with a bullet still lodged in his head that was the worst day ever because of him we never did get through security at the U2 concert wait he wasn't worse than the guy that brought that stripper with a kid on your date okay the second worst date I can't believe it was worse than the guy who stole your purse and went on a shopping spring okay obviously I share way too much with you people ah share some more I mean didn't you have any crappy dates this week just one I got stood up at the food court at the mall but to keep it for being a total loss I decided to buy myself something pretty what do you think I'm still waiting to see something pretty well I like them and that's what counts Spencer as a guy what do you think of a girl who wears boots like those well Spencer as a guy whose choice of accommodations is either my couch or the back alley in a box what do you think of a girl who wears boots like these uh I think they damn sexy and so is the g in them see this is the only man I need oh who cares what Spencer says the man sleeps on Star Wars sheets no guy no quality guy is going to ask you out when he sees you in those boots Dy did you hear the rundown of my latest dates I could care less I'm through with men keep wearing those boots and mission [Music] accomplished you awake yeah you can't sleep either no your couch is comfortable but not for the whole night come on we'll do it like we didn't College head to toe yay but I have to warn you my feet are a little rough I can use these to strip that finish off my dresser later remember that phone we had watching reruns a living single gossiping about people we didn't like talking about everything we're going to do with our lives yeah I like how I was going to be a big time music mogul and you were going to fight extraterrestrials like Will Smith and Men In Black yeah some things seem more possible after four hits on a beer bomb but we always always knew we'd be together I mean as friends yeah I knew what you meant um you surprised nothing serious ever happened between us well we have been through a lot together I guess we're lucky that there's no chemistry to complicate things yeah we were smart to choose a friendship route mhm yeah friends [Music] smart what the hell was that um Mona you're making a lot of noise in here huh you okay I don't know yet Spencer stop that what that sweaty pumping thing you're doing put some pants on please you see me a lot more naked than this what who told you remember freshman year fire drill I was in the shower I'll never forget the laughing and pointing [Laughter] you were standing outside the dorm covering yourself with a bag of Doritos generally if you have time to get a snack you have time to get a robe now put some damn clothes on D forgot how testy you can be in the morning good morning what now what's wrong with you nothing I'm just freaked out by a dream I had okay well what was it about a nosy sister who asked too many questions and was swallowed Hole by a giant crack in the Earth man I forgot how testy you can be in the morning come on Mo I'm just trying to help this isn't the kind of dream you share with your sister or your mother or anyone deeply religious ooh a sex dream Mona you don't have to feel bad about it everyone has them really well everyone who's not having sex so who is it with no one a even your sex dreams are sad no one as an end of conversation okay I'll guess was it the handyman from our building no the cute waiter at the Lush LNG no somebody at work enough with the questions a movie star a cartoon character o a woman yeah that's it a woman yeah now you know out you go well Mona I really wouldn't give it another thought I'm trying hard not to [Music] and I just don't think Koko's been the same since she caught a glimpse of herself in that mirror in the shoe department of nostrom and now I'm afraid she has a distorted body image she won't touch her kibble I'm just concerned I'm going to come around the corner one day and find her with a paw down her throat that's great mom listen I was wondering do you ever have dreams the valuee makes them almost impossible to remember but of course I have this recurring one where I'm at an important gallon and Delice comes in wearing the same gown and it looks better on her but I guess that's more of a nightmare what is it de are you having bad dreams no it's just Mona had a dream about a woman and they weren't wearing the same dress in fact they weren't wearing anything oh I see a lesbian fantasy well I'm not shocked I am from the theater after all but having a dream about someone of the same sex does not mean that person is gay except in Mona's case well I am certain that's what it means mother be serious look at the facts Mona has no steady boyfriend no present interest in men and she could not be more unfeminine in those hideous man boots she wears and she does eat the Hungry Man TV dinners a lot if the tool Bell fits nah I think if it were true I would know well maybe something that she doesn't even know about herself yet or maybe she's waiting to come out to D in soya like all the trendy lesbians but Mom I really trust me Mother's gayar has clocked that girl doing 90 now what did you want to talk to me about well it's kind of delicate o it's about sex I'm listening actually it's about a dream about sex well dreams are my specialty every whack job in the Bay Area comes to me to interpret their subconscious which I do with sensitivity and discretion the key is not laughing until afterward I'd appreciate that okay this one was really hot and it was me and someone I've known for a while o really like how long a while like since College last that's not important what's important is it was unnerving because I'm not sure what it means about me and this person I'm not sure either unless you tell me who the person is Ma you going to help me or not fine fine I have my theories about who it is now even though a lot of insight can be gained through analysis the truth is most dreams don't mean anything emotionally unless they recur really so I can just forget about it I didn't say that often times the best thing to do is to tell the person who you may or may not have known since college that you've been dreaming about them that way everything is out in the open and I might even get some grandbabies hey I need you to look at this budget for the new Dante video shoot uh fine just leave it on the desk I'll look at it later after you're gone so where you going Mona you've been acting strange for days sorry it's just that okay this is really embarrassing but I had a dream about us and now I feel a little uncomfortable around you what kind of dream forget it it was nothing want to talk about it not really did I do this no that's new you know that's new too I am never going to sleep again [Music] okay Spencer you got to go and you got to go now up up up up up oh naked naked close on close on Mona what's wrong listen the thing is you're um snoring oh kept me up all night and uh I can't take it anymore so you have to find somewhere else to lay to say to stay no one's ever complained about my snoring before we're not talking about that sex man that time up it out don't I get time to pet done can't I Le this some breakfast ouch what it's cold [Music] ouch how's it going good just waiting for JD to did I ask for your life story hey sorry I'm late late for lunch I hope you don't mind but I brought my friend Gina along Gina this is my sister Mona hey hi you guys look at the menu and I'm going to go find out about the specials oh she's a bossy little thing isn't she all she needs is a whip you're probably wondering why I'm over here instead of over there not really no I'm doing a little experiment to see if what my mother said is true well if she said you were annoying believe me it's true so does DD do this a lot what introduce me to her friends all the time but no offense I'm not like her other friends neither am I then I like you already see this is how all first encounters should go you know I mean usually people are so interested in impressing the other person they can't even be themselves I'm always myself maybe that's the problem not for me you do know that's my hand you're holding and now you're caressing it okay where's Dee with those specials I'm sorry Mona but sometimes when I'm attractive to someone I tend to move kind of fast oh Gina sorry but as flattered as I am I'm not gay it's okay Mona your sister said you might be kind of unsure but look you don't have to deny it I saw your [Laughter] boots my sister said that would you excuse me for a second I'm gay and I love you anyway I'm not gay why would you think that I didn't really but I told my mother about your you told your mother I can't believe you de have this much free time look it's one thing to interfere in my life but you totally drag someone else into it and now Gina really likes me and she's going to be totally devastated when I walk out of here somehow I think she'll get over it FIS love your track soup so stylish thanks got it on sale of course you did but what a bold choice for a woman who clearly hasn't seen the inside of a gym in a decade strong words from a woman whose ass fat is currently Plumping up the lips of Melanie Griffith now that's just UNC for but I am so sorry to hear about Mona although this could bring mother and daughter closer I mean after all no man with sight is going to date you so now you and Mona can go cruising for the ladies together what are you going on about wig Zilla Mona or dreams lady on lady loving in fact Dei is hooking her up right now what I thought she was dreaming about Spencer still in denial dear well perhaps it's for the best I don't think your forehead could take any more worry [Music] lines hi look Mona I just wanted to say I'm sorry no matter who you love how you live your life or whatever shoes you wear I support you although I urge you to consider open toe at least in the spring I guess I'm a little to blame too I mean if I'd just been honest with you none of this would have happened Dei I dreamed about Spencer Spencer it was a dream you could have had anybody but Spencer no wonder you were ashamed to talk about it I wasn't ashamed of it I just didn't know what to make of them um um there's been more than one dispenser know he doesn't need to have that information it would just confuse him look Mona keeping secrets is just as bad for friends as it is for sisters Spencer will understand and you'll feel better you'll also have less reason to mislead innocent people into thinking you're gay please only you and your crazy mother would believe that Mona roll Thorn I had to hear it on the street of course I didn't believe it but if it is true I got a girl I want you to meet what test two brand babies are better than none at all listen mon this weirdness with us is going on long enough and it's stupid to pretend I don't know why you're upset you know how long have we been friends please I know you kicked me out cuz I use your toothbrush you use my toothbrush I was desperate I dropped mine in the toilet and I had just eaten that whole bag of twizz you ate my candy too you didn't know then is it because I use your eyelash curler I really didn't know what it was for and you don't want to know what I did with it e that's not it and please don't guess again cuz I already want to burn everything I own okay this is so embarrassing but the reason I've been acting weird is I had a dream about you well about about us yeah so so it's just okay you know that scene in Monsters ball where H Berry has Billy Bob to make her feel good well let's just say you made me feel good really you had a sex dream about me how many times did I make you feel good SP Mona lots of ladies dream about me it's cool I'm used to it I just can't believe you didn't tell me so you don't think it's strange everything you do is a little strange but if it makes you feel any better there's a logical reason why you're having these dreams really yeah I'm the perfect man and since you can't get with all this Perfection you just want someone just like me yeah that must be it so now that that's out can I crash on your couch again why not but just because I'm going to be necking in your house doesn't mean you can have your way with me remember Mona no means [Laughter] no what nothing it's just after everything you told me it's been pretty hard to concentrate on work see this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you I knew you'd overthink it actually the only thing I've been thinking about is what it would be like if we did hook up Spencer you're my best friend if we did something like that there would be no turning back I mean it would completely change everything I know okay Spencer I can't take this anymore because the truth is you're the one I know what the hell was that [Music] excuse me who are you I'm the man of your dreams graduate at top of your class independently wealthy and speaks three languages we see Sawa [Music] listen I don't sleep with shirtless guys I don't know but in your dreams you can do whatever you want guilt free in that case get naked and when I'm done get me a gallon ice cream [Music] woohoo [Music] okay no problem I'm really excited about this party it's a singles mixer cuz if I have one more dateless Friday night I will have officially traded places with her if you're single and ready to mingle stop by my mixer it's sure to swingle okay so she's no my Angelo but it does sound like a fun party where when and should I wear leather like or or lizard at the Lush Lounge on Saturday and wear whatever you like cuz he will anyway and you're supposed to bring a single person of the opposite sex to find opposite and since you're hooked up you're therefore not invited H so you and Nick still going strong yes which is amazing since he isn't really my type your type you know unemployed non-committal owes me money Mona there's no such thing as type we like who we like and that's why I'm having this party so I can find someone to like well how about if I invite some of my unattached friends I want to help in any way I can a that's really nice of you hey it's the least I can do for the single and desperate yeah that's all y'all through this journey of Discovery through this journey of discover finding you I'm finding me finding you I'm finding me now that I have some someone special who brings out the joy out the Joy inside of me inside of me what all we need is the way you feel it should [Music] [Music] be scooch over Little D I am pooped already today your little brother's had nine diaper changes and six feedings plus he's been to baby yoga and the doctor for a checkup wow Mom you did all that well the nanny did but supervising is very tiring knock knock hey Nina we would have been here sooner but we needed to be burped cuz we had a little gas she uses the Royal we picked that up working for the king of Sweden or was it Finland I don't know somewhere with a lot of white blonde people there's my little man or should I say my other little man baby brother what Shen wait what is this why is Mommy's little fashion plate wearing disposable dieties again Mrs Thorne their Derma on a baby is very delicate and prone to irritation and if we don't speak up for their little bottoms then who will not to mention disposables are more efficient listen I have SP spend a fortune on designer diaper pins I am trying to do my part for the environment and fashion Mrs Thorne you hired me because I am an expert on baby care and there are more important things in fashion don't you have a nanny and me class in 20 minutes that's correct M come on drud and after the class we'll go to the park and feed the dogs cuz you know they're friendly no matter what you're wearing how dare she say I'm meaner than a [Music] duck hey guys thanks for coming hey no problem the music's bumping the grub is off the chain he I'm open you the door Pride man you got to work on your game did you never fall for a line like that would you hey what are you guys doing here at a singles party I know it looks like we're crashing because we are but we just wanted to say hi and gloat a little I'm not gloating I'm here to support my sister my single dateless searching for a man's sister well being a record exact must be exciting except when your job's on the line like his just was luckily he hung on by a thread guess they took pity on him what with his sketchy credit and all well if you want to hook up with Chancey you better take him back to your place cuz at the moment his place is my couch are you sure you guys are friends cousins actually Adam I'm so glad you made it no it's a party with an open bar the only thing that could keep me away is death or bet Midler retrospective oh well I'd be happy to introduce your friend to some of the women here oh no need I figure since nobody invites somebody appropriate the party was Bob bring your own boy toy so I did sit I just spotted three men who are just your type you know upwardly mobile career oriented Mona I told you I don't have a type sure you do you always have do you remember the Seesaw incident this is no fun I want to seesaw with someone who won't keep me up here forever how about asking him no he's a mess I want to ask him he's got style and the right cred you're six you don't even know what credentials are I know having them is better than not he's leaving let me down now all right let's do slowly I said now a what of a few fond memories from childhood I thought I broke my butt I still get a twinge there just before it rains the point is even back then you had an obvious preference so you like a certain pedig agree Mona despite what you think I like a lot of different kinds of men who I'm not meeting talking to you and thanks for reminding me who is responsible for my uncanny ability to predict the weather with my ass rains are coming people sweetness why do you keep crying your diaper clean your tummy's full and Trust fun and six figs what more could you want honestly I'd cry too if I constantly had to look at that mug yours i' love to trade barbs with you but my priority is tending to this baby oh my God I sound like a nanny speaking of which where is yours I F her we didn't see eye to eye maybe you should have given her a step sto a t be was nothing like this I mean she was such an easy baby how would you know you had a nanny back there too yes it was our first extravagance a second was hiring a lawyer to file restraining order against you I have tried everything that work with little Dey my Drew bear won't stop crying well all babies are different give them [Music] here look at that just a few weeks old and already this boy has good [Laughter] taste now she's F say hello to ch's Future Baby M [Laughter] she wasn't your type anyway yeah yeah you can do better dog yo Mona I want you to meet Kino Kino this is my sister Mona all right nice to meet you Ma you too huh did you excuse us for a second okay you made your point but we both know you only brought him over here to prove me wrong do you really think I'm that sad that see-through that transparent yes and you're wasting time talking to someone you'd never date my taste isn't as limited as you think I once bought a mascara at a drugstore and I liked it oh you did retail with regular people the queen came down come on Kino let's go do a shot of tequila yes Mona I do shots my girl's got a wild side I like that he likes that Mona remember you said I could invite my ex so she could meet somebody no I said she could come because you said I was way prettier than she is well she's here so be nice hey us pretty people are always nice hey roxan Roan this is my girlfriend Mona hi you know you remind me of someone yeah i' I've got a familiar face look it was nice to meet you same here enjoy yourself you're right I am much prettier well I'm taking off Kino's giving me a ride on his motorcycle you're going to ride on a motorcycle with him don't you think you've taken this far enough oh you're uncomfortable because I'm out of my box guess you don't know me or my type after all now if you'll excuse me I've got a hog to R she's not going to ride a motorcycle the girl wears goggles while she fries bacon how you doing back there you took that last corner so fast I saw my whole wardrobe brushed before my eyes yeah I like the rush too I guess I shouldn't be scared you probably been doing this for years n i just start riding 3 days ago hold on Mama have P the head body don't take [Music] and then we rode his motorcycle along the coast I cringed as I watched him get a tattoo and then we ate something called a grand slam it was 9 days worth of food on a plate you know you could have told me all this over the phone I wanted to see the look on your face when you realized how wrong you were well be careful Dee you don't know this guy and I still think you're in a little over your head and I think that you can admit that I have a lot more depth than you give me credit for ooh new eyes Shadow it's called Sable Cascade it highlights but doesn't overwhelm so was Nick's ex-girlfriend Deja you or what what are you talking about she doesn't look like me please when I saw the two of you together I thought it was a third my time making me see double then I saw her cute shoes and I knew it couldn't be you I don't see it at all Mona Mona Mona there are none so blind as she who will not see you hey Mona I just wanted to thank you for getting me to go to that party if I hadn't wouldn't have hooked up with Rox s you two met right you kidding like they known each other their whole lives I know what you mean Spence and I hit it off like we were old friends if you people aren't going to get therapy I am hey here's your mail Mona and somebody manhandled your Victoria your Secret catalog especially the Body by Victoria seamless stretch panty page I think I'm over here Chanty whoa you two can pass for twins hey which one of you is the evil one cuz sometimes I'm bad too okay Gigantor you need my help with the baby again Drew won't stop crying and I don't want Charles to see me like this looking like an ostrich with a cockeyed weed no I don't want him to think I have no maternal instincts whatsoever you don't I have been a mother for 23 years now please help me do you want me to beg for as long as I can remember okay I'm begging okay give [Music] me yes yes yeah oh yeah show me what you just did well they like to be near a real bosom so you may have to buy one I mean there must be a trick I mean all you old wives have tricks J all you have to do is hold him tight on his side and then give him a nice firm rhythmic tap on his back since he can't see where it comes from it confuses him and distracts him from crying oh precious that is good I know I've been a mother for a long time you are much yes you are hello Phyllis Big Dee come to beg for more of what I've got and you are sadly missing no dear you keep your hips they're your trademark your Ben's handles like a dream and you can drive it any time oh well then I'm taking it to Tahoe this weekend and by the way I need this weekend off okay oh now I'm just sure he needs to be changed again I'll just go upstairs and take care of that and thanks again for the coat and bag my pleasure and on de's coffee table there's a small trinket I got you at Tiffany's you are spoiling me that's what mothers do you lavish your Nanny with gifts just so you don't have to admit that you need me yeah yes so as of now you and your baby Voodoo are no longer needed fine but I saw Nina and Drew last week buying poly blin onesies at the Swap Meet she'll be back hey Mona do you have any of that stuff they use for muscle aches linamon no liquor did what happened to you oh Kino took me to a club where I wrote a mechanical police officer and the women had questionable hygiene then he kissed me and some Amazon with acrylic nail said that he was her man and we had to fight outside in the coold what did you do I ran and then she and her friends caught up to me apparently a lot of inner city chicks excel in track anywh who I did what what any Thorn would do in that situation play dead no I blinded her with Georgio then I duck down an alley which apparently is a neighborhood if you live in a refrigerator box then I broke a heel and finally I ended up in a bus stop you rode a city bus and it was terrible no first class section no assign seats and they won't drop you at your door no matter how much you tip and as much as I hate to admit you were on to something the whole type thing a that your type A credential having wing tip wearing bankroll Roland Brooks brother brother yes that but now I know it's okay if he also has little Edge you just can't have an ex-girlfriend who's not afraid to do time I still have my standards Nick can I ask you something something am I a breast man no I've got the answer to that one I just want you to tell me honestly are you dating me because I look so much like roxan no not at all well admit it Nick you have a type I need to know I'm not just some replacement for her that you see me as uniquely Mona uniquely Monona huh you mean like how your hair smells like fresh cut roses during the week but like Jasmine on the weekend the Jasmine's a sample I'm rationing it or how you get embarrassed when I give you compliments and you look down when I tell you how beautiful you are I don't do that how you like your coffee with a splash of cream your bath with a touch of Mr Bubble and your sheets tucked in everywhere but your feet so the toes can breathe wow I guess you do know the real me and I'm not just some roxan clone no you're Mona the woman I can't get out of my head good that's what I was going [Music] for [Music] [Music] woohoo okay I've done some research on breakup recovery I mean Nick was a really big relationship for you this Sage should get rid of even his slightest Essence doesn't anyone just say hello anymore Mona it is only natural that you would come crashing down into a million broken sad little pathetic pieces that's why we're doing this the first stage is The Purge we remove all traces of Nick we throw all the reminders of him into the receptacle of healing we throw out the past so we can move into the future voila hey hey wait those have nothing to do with n but they're butt ugly they must [Laughter] go through this journey of discover this journey of Discovery finding you and finding me finding you and finding me now that I have someone special who brings out the joy out the Joy inside of me inside of me whatever we want all we need is love that's the way you feel it should be you and [Music] me hey oh God not you to I broke up with my boyfriend why is everyone treating me like have two weeks to live well that's a relief cuz all I had left was a hug and a Pity pet well well I could use a hug no and I'll take the pity pad I've had a really tough morning actually make it more of a Pity smack and don't hold back man did you get anything out of that sexual harassment seminar yeah three dates with a moderator you know what you need to get away take your mind off things how about we take one of our road trips I don't know I don't think running is the right thing to do Adam what are you doing now de told me to denze the place I almost forgot wait that doesn't smell like Sage it isn't but it is an herb and if it doesn't help you get over Nick it will help you with your glaucoma if anyone gets the munchies I've got donnut halls in my bottom drawer hey hey hey hey hey what you got there chocolate for Mona supposedly there's some kind of natural Feelgood stuff in it that'll uh make her feel good naturally look Spencer I am in charge of Mona's recovery we are limping out of stage one all packages and correspondence must come through me and I heard about your little road trip yeah not going to happen so cancel the Motel 6 my friend but I'm a shoulder to lean on you are a lot of things Spencer and not all of them are healthy for her right now she's far too vulnerable for any man with the chocolates but I'm not just any man exactly I have no idea what you're talking about oh I think you do off you go but I tell your story walking buddy move it move it keep up the pace Mona this is the perfect activity to take your mind off of Nick or anyone El don't you feel exhilarated yes if I exhilarated you mean exhausted nauseous and three jumps away from Total Renal failure all right maggots hit the floor and give me 20 21 now hang in there just about now your endorphins are kicking in and you will get this major surge of energy okay everybody Take Five suckers just for believing that give me 50 situps let's go hey Soldier you okay I'm having a rough time man trouble are those jiggly thighs a little both actually I understand you know what gets me through life's challenges 600 lunges so get your lazy brokenhearted ass in motion [Music] now see I told you you'd make it home there was no need for a metac just fire up your jacuzzi get me a Double Apple Tei with a morphine Chaser hello girls hello de your father and I just found the perfect restaurant to celebrate your Landing that big internship L be it's trendy it's Chic it's overpriced it's pretend Ines like I said it's perfect you didn't have to go to all that trouble just to celebrate my amazing achievement of course you're invited sponge cake and tell cheste you can come too I'll be there assuming I can move we just got back from Beverly's boot camp I love that place Beverly is to kick my butt but now it sits up so high she can't reach it thank you for lunch Dee and thank you for never ever leaving my side for the last 3 days but I realized I am totally over what's his name see I'm heel see you obviously you just hit stage three in your recovery denial you're right I am in denial but now that I've admitted it I'm no longer in it see you oh is that your mom with a man think it's her mystery guide hey Ma didn't expect to see you here and you're with someone aren't you going to introduce me to who I think you already know Deee I think we've been busted baby hi I'm Ray will hi Ray I'm Mona the daughter she's trying desperately to hide you from see she doesn't look like she jinx our relationship a table just became available thank you well Ray since we are never going to get it out of her how did you two meet on the radio I do a morning spot on K farm it's time to swing and sway on K F radio yeah oh I listen to you all the time the only way to begin your day is with a big old dose of FY rain yeah so the way we met was your mom called in one day about a traffic slowdown yeah I was tipster Phyllis he liked my voice I loved his voice anyway he called me back after a shift was over to see how the rest of my drive went I told him it would have been better if he had been riding shotgun and I have ever since yeah yeah hey you know my mom and dad are hosting a dinner tomorrow night at Le be actually it's for me I got this really impressive internship right um anyway why don't you two join us well I guess it is time to show Big Dee my man is real and you'll see it's true you can rest a drink on my ex-husband's head ah look forward to it so your mama caught a good one now if my cats like him he's a keeper meow okay listen I ditch didy at the kill that caller me mind if she calls I am not here if she comes by I am not here and even if she tries to bribe you got it not here oh thanks for being my safe place no problem M Casa is y Casa hey You' been there for me like through my breakup search for my dad your fake marriage and divorce man I have been through it this year I can use this road trip as much as you but this time I bring the music none of your crazy mix taste with clay aan and 50 Cent agreed oh I can't wait to get away you know everyone is telling me how I should feel about my breakup with Nick but I'm feeling surprisingly okay is that wrong nah H you know when Camille left I was pissed off but after a few weeks I felt more like myself only better looking but isn't it funny how we thought everything was going to fall apart and then it didn't because we had each other [Music] [Applause] [Applause] yeah why did you do that why did you do that I should leave should you should I yes yes yes I'm leaving are you am I just go I'm [Applause] gone see see if you were going that wouldn't have happened I know that's why I stayed which is why I have to go now I'd believe you more if you weren't still here [Laughter] open up Dee I know you're home go away I'm mad at you I'm sorry I ran out on you it colored me mine I just needed a break and I just needed help with the after glaze on my salt and pepper pigs I had to talk to you I made out with Spencer can you believe it yes you've jumped clear to Stage six the Paris Hilton stage this is the kind of irrational Behavior I was trying to keep you away from but no you just had to go and make out with your best friend but kissing Spencer actually felt good it felt right I knew that man was up to no good with his friendship chocolates okay how about 4 weeks vacation and 6 weeks maternity leave I can't deal with this right now I have a lot on my mind mon I think we need to talk about oh we should talk another time I have important work to do and I need coffee hot coffee cuz this is cold and actually it's tea all right spill it what's going on with Mona give me the dish or I'll make something up and spread it around the office may I remind you of Jeremy in accounting's erectile dysfunction Factor fiction you decide okay there's something going on between me and Mona I just don't know what it is we got a little close yesterday and it was nice real nice let me guess you both Kissed But you got scared that's amazing how'd you know that I never missed an episode of Dawson's Creek you heteros are so predictable now that you got that first awkward kiss out of the way it's off to the fumbling foreplay followed by the clumsy sex hold on Mona and I haven't even talked about this and my sex is never clumsy what's there to talk about last year you admitted you had a thing for Mona and it's obvious she feels the same way about you the timing's right you're finally both single at the same time it's synchronicity it's fate it's kissman or maybe it's just meant to happen I don't know oh well I guess we'll figure it out on our road trip road trip after that kiss what you've got in your hands is a love Excursion just want you to promise me one thing no you can't go I was going to say moan is fragile so don't open the cart unless you really plan a drink besides I so have better things to do than tag along on your little trist this is San Francisco man I'm in 40 weddings this [Music] weekend I'd like to propose a toast to deei may your internship be the first step on your ladder to success I'm proud of you baby me too here here actually we have another thing to celebrate Phil is attracting a man who's bold enough to be seen with her so you're funky Ray Wills yeah yeah you know I used to DJ some joints in college no kidding and by DJ he means putting on ear muffs and talking to a hairbrush in my dorm room well that's how I got my start except I used a hair Peck I did have hair once y'all you know I was actually pulling my hair out trying to get this internship which I got here's to me it must be so cool to have a job where you only have to work 4 hours a day actually it's a little bit more than that but it is nice real nice but I enjoy my free time especially since uh phis and I are getting serious what do you mean by serious well I was going to tell you I made the cats give up a closet for him I mean they destroyed my good ponytail and sprayed my shoes in retaliation but it was worth it mhm in fact we were thinking about moving in together that's right we are you are what about all those lectures you used to give me about living in sin honey at my age four good days you calling you hul well I think it's great and congratulations thanks man you have no idea what you're in for but it'll take some of the edge off her and somebody heat off me best of luck I usually frown upon premarital cohabitation but it's clear God approves and how would you know what God approves because a man moving in with you is a miracle only the Lord could make happen you're right baby that is not the happy woman and speaking of Miracles can can you believe I was picked out of 1,500 applicants for the internship so R yeah are you from the Bay Area I was born and raised in New York man that's where I'm from no kidding my dad had a plumbing shop on Route 110 I think he wanted me to take over the business but I had dreams of being a great saxophone player in fact it was music that brought me to the Bay Area you know everybody has dreams but not everyone acts on them that's cool yeah it was for a while but it cost me my first marriage but my biggest regret in life is losing contact with my son I tried to find him for years finally gave up and speaking of giving up I never did which is why I got the internship ooh speech time I'll be right back what's that about they better be getting my really big gift are you okay not sure me neither you know the other day when we well it's just weird sitting next to you knowing we're thinking the same thing I think raised my Dad wow I wasn't even close benser how did you come up with that he's just saying a lot of things that sound way too familiar I just have this feeling in my gut well there's a lot of times when we don't follow up on those feelings maybe this time you should right mind if I ask you a few questions as long as you ain't no cop ask away okay is Will's your real last name no actually I shortened it about 10 years ago when I moved to the Bay Area there was already a Ray Williams on the radio we parents Evelyn and Michael was your first wife named Tanya and is that SC the back your head from when she hit you with a bicentennial plate [Laughter] how the hell you know that so it's true you're my father oh my that I admit that uh you know things about me that you probably couldn't have Googled but there's no way that I could be your father my my son's name is Andre Andrea is my real first name it is I thought it was Chester get up my God you are my son where the hell you been man I do so enjoy the drum of the middle [Laughter] class Ray Spencer is a wonderful young man in fact I've always loved him like a son but from now on he can hit you up for gas money I can't believe my dad is funky Ray well that's only since I've been at K Funk before that let's see I was a sunshine Ray Sugar Ray and for a brief but humiliating moment there I was a right on Ray so pretty big night for you huh yeah so I was thinking yeah I was thinking too about our road trip maybe this isn't the best time for one yeah guess our timing's a little off guess so you really should spend some time getting to know your father you should know more about him than how he got the scar on the back of his head yeah I got a lot of questions to ask him about the day he left he really put a damper on the Christmas of 82 thanks for understanding and Mona I really hope we could take that trip someday [Music] I'm lucky most people's lives are filled with emotional highs and lows mine on the other hand sucks with comforting regularity congratulations you've just reached stage eight putting on a brave face well maybe it's just Fate's way of saying I shouldn't get involved with my best friend look Mona your relationship with Spencer had so many twists and turns if I were you I'd hang on I don't think this roller coaster ride is over great with my luck I'll get stuck upside down at the top of the [Music] loop [Music] [Music] woohoo previously on half and half I had the best summer in La yeah got your email and and on train new I indulged in a little Summer Fling is he in this trunk we are planning a surprise anniversary party for my mom and daddy well it won't be as much of a surprise for Mom since she's throwing it but Daddy will be surprised these pictures are incredible I mean how did you get Beyonce to PS with that lion I didn't we were on Safari in Kenya the lion went up I snapped the photograph and I tell you in addition to singing and dancing the girl can run suddenly get tropical in here are we having a hot flash don't be silly women in their mid-30s do not have hot flashes what does that have to do with you Spencer loves you he's loved you since College he told me so himself at Jason and Karen's wedding he's been fighting it for years and it's killing him inside I'm spent yeah I sense that something was going on with him but is this possible Spencer is passionate about you I listen listen I see I know H how I miss [Applause] [Music] that this journey of Discovery this journey of Discovery finding you and finding me finding you I'm finding me now that I have someone special who brings out the joy the [Music] Jo the way you feeling should be you and [Music] [Music] me good you're home I got to talk to you can it wait say 3 to 5 minutes no I just saw Spencer in the elevator at delicious slobbing down Camille our new photographer so he didn't tell me first now I don't mean he had to tell me before he tonged her but now I realize this has been going on for a while I mean the canceled lunches the whispered phone calls we're supposed to share everything Mona some things are private and cannot be discussed because they could turn a person's world upside down I mean that's why I can't tell you about the miscellaneous baby I might be pregant with so get over it know what Spencer can wait did you say miscellaneous baby I am just one trickle away from knowing my fate oh my God Dee who when how Mr Summer Fling on the beach and I think you know how how could you not use a condom you took a whole suitcase full of course we did but it broke I think the salt wore a dead down oh from the ocean water no from The margaritas know what am I going to do if I'm pregnant I'm only in my second year of law school I'm just getting used to being on my own how can I be independent with a dependent well maybe you're not pregnant I mean how late are you 28 hours and 19 minutes you might want to hold on I'm buying a breast pump Mona I have gained 2 lbs and I am craving salami I'm going insane would you mind if I peed alone actually I'd prefer it but please call me as soon as you know I'll be at Spencer hey can I tell them you might be knocked up just to break the ice no you cannot well then can I tell Dad I've been waiting years for you to mess up this pig [Music] all right all right brother lets out a few screams of joy suddenly the whole neighborhood's oh was you yes it's me nipple guy and I have to tell you my feelings are a little hurt that's why I'm here in the middle of a sex scene can this wait I have a guest oh she's still here yes she is is Camille hi yep uh Camille y'all met remember at work when everybody had on pants care for little Vin no thanks I don't like drinking out of Spencer's jelly jars oh me either I'm pretty much game for anything but I draw the line at Welsh's grape Collectibles we have actual glasses now is she classy we is she living here ooh oh no darling relax look I just didn't want to tell anyone about us until I knew it was real that's okay I just thought we were friends that's all come on Mona don't go questioning our friendship over this and if I may but in which I'm going to do anyway so don't try and stop me um friendship's not always defined by the sharing of secret sometimes it's defined by the giving of space oh that's nice real nice I suppose you may make a point some sort of grown upy more mature than I am kind of point and I will contemplate that point on the other side of this door well thanks for playing see you later bye uh don't mind Mona she's a well once you meet a mother you understand I knew you'd lose that man if you didn't do something now look what's happening not only have you lost him you lost him to an older woman and a foreigner at that you let that woman sail across the ocean to take your man a Spencer wasn't my man and you know why cuz you didn't listen to your mother I beg you to get to that man before somebody else did now you can't get to him cuz somebody else listen to her mother and beat you to the goods he's just a friend sure a friend I spend most of my free time with but hey if he's happy I'm happy I'll just have to get a hobby well your new hobby is going to be being alone you want to know about alone I'll tell you about alone it's waking up in the morning there's two eyes staring at you and they belong to a cat and sometimes it's four eyes cuz the cat brought someone home that's L do they have psychotherapists for psychotherapists don't drag Dr Hoffman into this I have you thought about how to get Spencer B Ma I couldn't stop this if I wanted to this thing is moving fast remember Spencer's jelly jars gone they have wine glasses now wine glasses what did I tell you I tell you what I told you I told you to buy that man some wine glasses two Christmases ago I told you that I even went down the crat and Barrel and bought something for you to give to him but what did you do you kept them for yourself now you got eight me and wine glasses and no man all right here it go I always wonder what outfit I wouldn't want to get caught dead in now I know and I always wondered if pets really do look like their owners they do speaking of pets tell your heard of cat you be home early on Saturday the party be over by 10: so Charles and I can spend a romantic evening together oh does a Ritz have a defibrillator in every room now Charles is more energetic than you think in fact I'm trying to figure out how to slow him down in the bdis trust me you can't just get through those three minutes and get on with your day if a blue plus sign appears congratulations you're going to be a mother if a pink minus sign appears congratulations you're not going to be a mother talk about straddling the fence hello hello Baby G it's mother wo I'll be right out sweetheart can I get into the little girl's room had a couple of French martinis that Beast you and you know I don't sit on public porcelain give me a second I didn't know you were coming over uh well I needed you to uh proof fre the party menu go so am I going to be Auntie Mona sh I don't know yet I peed on the stick but before I could look at it my mom showed up now it's locked in the bathroom with her save yourself mother Could you hurry up please just a minute darling no now I need to get back in there show little patience a little intestinal distress dear yes that's it okay time to go just leave the menu on your way out right did just make sure you take a good look at this oh my God I'm pregnant what do you mean you're pregnant what do you mean you're pregnant mom this is my pregnancy test no dear this is my pregnancy test what are you doing taking a pregnancy test what are you doing taking a pregnancy test I asked you first and what makes you think that this one is yours cuz these are the nail marks I left when I was clutching it waiting for the results in your bathroom well if this one is yours then where is mine W yes I'm not pregnant and it's a good thing you're not young lady how dare you almost make me a grandmother I think that is really off the subject Mom you're pregnant how is that possible well your father and I have been rekindling our passion ever since since his heart attack I mean could have happened any one of a thousand times Fairmont backseat of the Bentley your couch okay okay it's just we all thought that you were starting menopause guess I had a few eggs left in the carton wow so what now I don't know with you on your own it was just starting to be about me and your father it's hard as belly beating as it is I've been have the paramedic standing by when I dropped this one on him hey hey look I just wanted to get my leather jacket I I think I left it here yeah you did I'm sorry I showed up at your place earlier that was kind of awkward yeah kind of like now yeah well I got to run uh Camille's waiting in the car great you know Spence I'm glad you found someone who feels the same way about you that you feel about them what's that mean it means I'm being supportive now go guess what you're pregnant and I'm the good daughter now sorry your luck hasn't changed that much I'm not having a baby but my mother is can she do that apparently she can and she did and she is wow de's times three scary not to me I'm thrilled I think yeah I am I can't believe your mom's going to be a mom again this is like a huge life-altering change especially for you how so well I'm the firstborn that's in stone but you you've just become the middle child you're not Cindy Brady anymore from now on you're [Laughter] [Music] Jan hey I've been looking for you man we got to talk why didn't Mona tell me she's happy I found someone who feels the same way about me as I feel about them what's up with that huh I don't like being accosted you have 15 minutes to get your hands off mate did you tell MOA what you swore you never tell that I told you I am offended that you would even think such a thing when you tell a gay person to keep a secret it's kept that's what we do keep secrets got anymore no and I don't ever want Mona to know I had real feelings for her had don't you mean have I'm not fooled by that British beard you were sexing in the elevator I know what's going on in here wow toter look what I had for Mona was real but she's made it clear she doesn't feel the same way so I moved on I'm with Camille sweetheart you did a great job with the party and with your mother not drinking it's not going to cost me nearly as much as I thought yeah Mom's trading one bottle for another wow we're going to be doing the bottle thing again private school in a car in a college chest tightening can't breathe remember the little boy who cried chest tightening you're going to be all right we're all going to be all right I'm going to be a big sister and you're going to be somebody else's dad yeah I'm going to be somebody else's old dad I used to be the hip dad now I'm going to be the hip rep placement dad ah pop don't put that kind of pressure on yourself you were never hip Mrs Thorn um the cand photos will turn out much better if they're a little bit more candid to you I don't do Pilates tyo facials and Botox merely to provide eye candy for the random construction worker I do it for image and with pictures I control that image by knowing where the camera is at all times so I can look my absolute best I don't do candid I see I knew you would once a my to keep those things chilled while you work your way down to the prime Ram I don't bother I bought a cold pack with me needed too cup for your champagne got that cover too you're good can't wait to see where you put the pond do Mona they're out of shrimping something told me to check the bottom of your bag hey this is my family I'm entitled to this food I just don't happen to be hungry right now listen I need to apologize I could have told you about Camille a lot sooner sometimes it's hard to tell people what's going on so you just don't then they find out another way guess that's how life is hey it's not like I do this all the time Mona please it's why they have your picture at the register at the Red Lobster Camille that is an amazing gown oh thanks it was a ceremonial Mandarin wedding dress but um I scored off a shoot for Panda Express oh oh oh Mrs Thorn um I was just about to reload damn I hate to waste a good Poe oh there's my man I'll talk to you L okay hey B look at that they're cute together huh yeah real cute did I miss [Laughter] something n Ma I can't believe you actually decided to show up what made you change have you been drinking I'm here I would have been here sooner but a crowd swept me into the M bot Mitzvah down the hall those kosher coladas really got some kick well I need to talk to you about something kind of delicate it's about big de she's it's what I thought isn't she going through the change big estrogen challenge Dei I don't think you want to go there I'm a grownup I know where I want to go okay I see you living alone and loving at Club went home early so glad you can make it and I see you don't have a drink in your hand allow me to share it's like an old friend too bad my doctors advised me not to drink the things they have trumped up over the last 20 years ah those menopausal personal Summers finally getting to you phis D tell you were pregnant pregnant yes which explains my Pooch how about yours you can't be pregnant you old and he's older but I still know how to lay it down so you see what you thought was menopause was actually the end of my first trimester so you actually do have sex with that man I'm speechless that's the best gift I've gotten tonight thank you here's to another 24 years of happiness togetherness an unexpected miracle Les it's my mom and [Applause] dad I hope that Amazon has a 15lb baby that's what I love about your maom you never give up [Music] [Music] hope it was a nice party wasn't it it was quite a night a man I never wanted got away and the inside of my purse smells like a found Nemo I'm feeling good plus our mothers finally spend some time together just the two of them I don't think throwing up in adjoining stalls could be considered an act of togetherness hey we are talking about our mothers we should take what we can [Laughter] [Music] get [Music] woohoo okay people I need some gift ideas for Mother's Day and I need them now you need gift ideas do you know how hard it is to shop for a woman woman who has her own parking space at Neeman Spencer what are you getting your mom the same thing I gotten every year since I was a kid a big box of chocolates hey nothing says thanks for popping me out of the shoot like 5 lbs of sugar and fat you get her the same thing every year that is so cute I get my mom the same thing every year too 48 Hours of my time that's just cheap no see my mom thinks that Mother's Day should be celebrated for as long as she was in labor so we hang out here all weekend give each other facials watch the Law and Order Marathon my mama love her MIP the merkus oh that does sound like fun wish we did things like that but my mom's not exactly the hangout type well maybe you should try your own mother daughter weekend but remember just because she gave birth to you doesn't mean you have to clip her toenails journey of Discovery this journey of Discovery finding you I'm finding finding you I'm finding me now that I have someone special who brings out the joy out the joy of meide of what we we need is the way I feeling should be you and [Music] me hey Mom I want to talk to you about Mother's Day oh goodie it's my gift bigger than a bread box or bigger than the tear drop diamond pin and in this month's Tiffany catalog page 12 actually I was thinking this year we could skip the gift and spend the weekend here together just us girls we could play Scrabble do each other's hair you could even leave yours here the night before so I could get a head start if you're that determined to be bought stiff why don't we invite your great on Helen to join us she has so many uplifting Tales to tell about how she was the first black meter mid in Carson City Nevada well don't you want to spend quality time together like Mona and Phyllis dear their idea of quality is watching Hollywood Squares and 100% cotton underwear and fighting over a can of Pringles well we don't have to do that I just think it would be really nice to explore our relationship tell you what leave the weekend to me and we'll do everything Mona and that woman do minus the saturated fat and draw string pants goodbye mother bye baby what is that monstrosity and I don't mean that Ryan AP poliester and lent you call an outfit it's a cuckoo clock I got it from Mo at a garage sale in other words junk you found a home why shouldn't it so basically trash is the best you can do for your daughter I just gave Dei a state-of-the-art pager slash digital camera slash doesn't this make your gift look pathetic slash why do you even bother getting up in the morning question [Music] mark somebody's been in the Pringles I just took out the broken ones don't lie to me with mosquite barbecue on your breath hey I need to borrow your suitcase I'm flying to New York tonight and I really don't want to pack my drawers in a grocery bag what happened to the suitcase I gave you for Christmas it wasn't really me but the DVD play I exchanged it for was so what are you going to New York for baby you guys inspired me so I'm surprising my mom by delivering her chocolates in person that way her tree would be twice as sweet Spencer Williams you are the most thoughtful young man why you and Mona can't get it together I will my heel right here you go have a nice trip ni go before she starts talking about how pretty our babies will be I'll work on her hey D oh couldn't pop we have a favor to ask you sorry we don't have any virgin blood you'll just have to age like the rest of us Mona would you mind keeping an eye on my apartment mom and I are going out of town for the weekend yes we're have to Spa to solay for a mother daughter bonding session and deep tissue massages for those of you who forgotten that's when someone touches your body how would you like a deep tissue massage with the heel of my shoe here is where we're staying and if you start saving now maybe you can go one day really I mean one day mother see you Monday bye did you see that woman trying to rub her Ry vacation in my face you know it doesn't matter how much you pay you can KN loofer off ugly wow they have two people massage you at the same time three if you're really tense wow I bet that feels good but I'd rather spend the weekend here with you not there with strange people touching me o so I'll just go eat up the hot comb what a waste of money if I wanted a seaweed rap I'd just go to the beach and roll around Nick it in the sand I love the smell of apricot lotion in the early evening smells like money somebody's getting their party on they need to turn their party off YooHoo neighbor could you keep it down a bit hello silence is golden especially at $500 a night hey you you where the hell do you think you are Sears what kind of hood rat are you oh hello how you like me now that was really them there's not enough wine and sowa to get me through this weekend what are you doing here somebody dropped off a brochure and it look like fun besides my Bea can buy as much pampering crap as yours I can't believe they put us right next to each other yeah we can leave the door open and make it one big sweet can I talk to you hey we can raid your mini bar that see you later yeah good night oh I feel just like old all I need is a billion dollars in Maya Angelo's blessing didy why aren't you and your mom doing any treatments together she really likes her private sessions and the oxygen tanks are only made for one person I guess we could both squeeze in but this weekend's about celebrating my leaving the womb not trying to jam myself back up in there well pull up a spa jockey and relax you won't regret it I never knew my toes could make me so happy oh except for that one night with Malcolm Hastings that man gave me multiple foot gasms oh yeah he's a toe sucker you used to call Malcolm sex saxophone player right mhm and he can kiss you know playing saxophone must be like doing push-ups with your lips or something just I just love your relationship the last time my mother and I talked about sex I asked her what a period was well you can talk to me about anything I couldn't do that you're somebody's mother oh please we are all women here well Neil and I are having a little problem and oh come on if I can handle Mona's Simon cowl fantasy I can handle anything me we only have sex when I initiate it I mean it's still five or six times a week but sometimes a girl likes to be asked well that is a simple case of supply and demand I don't get it you are supplying too much cut the supply trust me the demand will follow Ma how come you never gave me that advice you need a steady man first otherwise it's like giving a broke person tips on the stock market thanks for letting me hang out that pedicure was awesome I know I think my feet need a cigarette see you bye Deee mother's got five words of wisdom for you always pick the German masseuse they hate Americans and they take it out on your Cavs well I'm glad you and your Cals had a good time something wrong sugar blam we haven't done a single thing together since we checked in fine what do you want to do how about little girl girl talk okay that'll be nice so girl talk okay well um Neil you remember him well he never initiates sex you know they have the most delicious Lobster bis at the spa they use baby lobsters so there's not a trace of fat I'm trying to have a conversation here no you're trying to shock me because I want to talk about sex does my talking about sex bother you you realize I'm going to keep saying the word sex until you answer me so I sex won't sex stop talking about sex sex sex what has gotten into you is that Bohemian half sister of yours again actually I've been talking to Phyllis and she gave me some great advice Phyllis I am the mother who could pass for you old the sister you're supposed to ask for advice but you never want to talk about what I want to talk about I wish you were more like Phyllis there's never a tap recorder when you need her I better go do my big sister thing you how dare you sticky big snap we is not welcome and who the hell unlock that door what are you talking about I will not allow you to steal my daughter I mean who are you to give my Dee advice oh please the only reason you and Dei are having problems is because you don't listen to her how would you know because your daughter talks to me you know you need to do less shopping and more communicating I mean giving gifts is not the the same thing as giving love well giving advice that no one wants it's the same as giving nothing it's just that seeing your relationship with your mother up close made me realize that there is something missing from mine Deee every mother is flawed I mean philis the woman who looks so perfect to you now she logs on to singles chat rooms pretending to be me you want that I want my mom to be more like a friend well it's taken years for me and my mom to get to where we are I mean she still tries to read my diary only now she respects my privacy enough to wait until I'm not home who's kidding who my mother and I are never going to be close oh you might you should start by finding the good and what you have and then build from there I guess ladies would you like to take a look at our wine list oh they're all grapes just bring me half a caraffe and a straw hold up we'll take a bottle of your chat Lor of 1990 excellent exellent Choice hold up hold up I don't know if I want that trust me the aroma is Rich and penetrating without being too profound uhuh and how do you know this little something I picked up when my mom took me to the French Wine Country but will it get me drunk without the hangover are you sure have you seen my mother drunk yeah have you seen my mother hung over bring me the chat blah blah good morning I know it's evening would work with me here we go again good morning hearty you're the one who know me well might as well get used to you hanging around good morning heart sit [Music] down you are drunk wait there's something I want you to know I want the record to reflect I spoil my daughter because she deserves the best but I realized tonight why I always tell you you're nothing because you're afraid you will never be as close to Dei as I am to Mona no because I'm afraid I will never be as close to Dei as you are to Mona if I'm going to listen to this I need a little liquid hearing aid oh bartender I ordered a AO is that ajito let me [Laughter] taste yep oh he talk about [Music] can I tell you a secret that's not your real hair of course it is I paid full price for an agent Sil but that's not my secret this is my secret once right after we were married Charles called out your name in bed can I tell you a see what that's damn [Laughter] humiliation oh you should have seen him try to get out of that one he got you a single red rose how' you know that please the man has had the same moves since puberty how do you know when a marriage is over you are asking the wrong person you have been married for years you already had Dey I was still waiting for him to come home to me how diluted was I it would be so hard in yourself relationships are tough no matter how much we do it's never enough when El something else what never enough now can I tell you a secret what the only reason I came to this Spa was so I could show you I give my daughter all the incredible things you give yours a you can't it is so sweet you try l It's Raining It's [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] Pouring enough come on Mom it's time to go I'm coming I didn't move an inch did i l oh my god there are two of them but you don't seem hung over tiny suckle it takes more than a half a dozen Mojitos to knock this Gap off of stilettos guess what time went on did wish Mom yes what are these dollar bills in the room tips m version of Jenny From the Block book down the house didn't it f you know all those mean things I said to you in the past me every one of them just for fun I'm going to buy a really greasy breakfast and take the cous Road home I can find we should get going too actually l d I thought we could have that chat about Neil now really now where were we oh yes how when the two of you act as man and woman Mom it's okay I'm trying to bond and it's obvious you're uncomfortable we don't have to force it oh thank God look you don't have to try to be something you're not and I want to be the mother you want me to be well maybe it's time I start appreciating the mother I've got the one who exposed me to Fine Art fine wine gave me an incredible sense of style well I can't take all the credit for that okay I can I mean who needs a girlfriend mother when you can have a fabulous mother and I have a fabulous daughter happy Mother's Day I love you I love [Applause] you so what do you say we get a farewell facial together I'd like that and while they're exfoliating us I'll tell you how I lost my virginity and then you can tell me we stop at the bar on the way to the spa just one more he [Music] yeah [Music] [Music] woohoo Mona guess what I just scored tickets to the sold out Mother's Day Gospel Brunch at byou it is the perfect mother Mother's Day plan not necessarily you have not heard my plans which are well since last year was a bit expensive and a bit of a disaster I was thinking uh is it really Mother's Day already that's what I thought which is why I got you and your mom tickets too that was nice of you Deee well you followed us last year I figured you two tag alongs might as well go with us this year an insult wrapped as a gift I'll take it so I've got the limo picking us up at 11:30 on Sunday oh and what's your mom's favorite color I want to buy her a blouse uh purple but why are you getting my mom something well bis and I have gotten closer this year and I want to do something nice for her so this means I have to get a present for your mom of course not although I thoughtful person would through this journey of Discovery through this journey of discovery you I'm finding me finding you I'm finding me now that I have someone special who brings out the joy out the Joy inside of me inside of me all we need is love the way you feel it should be you and [Music] me [Music] looks like someone's been to seers yeah doing a little Mother's Day shopping they got some cool stuff there I got her necklace I have for church and a leaf blower wow your mom's going to love all that I hope so I put it on her charge card well I got my mom a gorgeous watch just like she hint Ed and hinted and hinted but now I have to get something for Big Dee I mean everything the woman owns is fabulous and expensive what can I get her how about something ugly and cheap already checked that catalog but got your birthday present though maybe you should try to grab room you know where we put all that cool stuff from video shoots we can't return I didn't know we had a room like that that's why I got these PR shoes new fine in size nine I thought you were 12 I [Music] am yes he [Music] does oh I'm sorry am I interrupting something yes a good time that must happen to you a lot so what brings the bald eagle to my daughter's Nest we were looking at pictures from Drew's christening what a flattering picture of you I'm not in that one I know oh my goodness put in pop we've been chatting for almost an hour and philis we will be eating in public at the brunch Sunday so you may want to reacquaint yourself with utensils ciao what was she doing here for a whole hour I guess we just lost track of time whatever here's your photo you know I'm going to do something very unona and put this in a frame before I do something very Mona and spill coffee on it how is work oh a couple of neurosis and obsessive compulsive nothing that a year with me in a boatload of Xanax can't cure hey have you had dinner yet uh no what did you have in mind well we could order out for Chinese or I can make pasta really you would make pasta for me I love you wow if I I booil a steak will you pay off my student loans and this one is from Drew oo my little man is buying the woman is like presents already I told you he was gifted see it's a meditation in yoga tape for mother and baby mommy Swami and me thank you drew you're Nanny will love it it goes perfectly with the Platinum pacifier your father gave me don't forget my other gift taking care of Drew while you're having your Mother's Day brunch so you can have a wonderful relaxing afternoon which will only last 3 hours right yes daddy coincidentally the exact length of the basketball game oh that has nothing to do with it uh you don't think drw need to be changed while you're gone do you not that I can't handle it and now it's time for my gift you always give the best Mother's Day present presents although I don't know how you're going to top that time you got us those matching ski outfits for Aspen well you're going to love this even more oh look at that it's a doging stroller now you and Drew can go running in the park look there's even a place for his diaper bag and his bottle well a useful gift you do like it right oh of course honey thank you actually there's another gift it's from Mona oo tada this is genuine Louis Vuitton and Mama loves H Vuitton but did you see how smoothly your stroller rolled when you pushed it out of the way well ready for your gift oh Mona just spending the day with my baby is gift enough oh ma that is so sweet and so fake you want it now don't you damn right what took you so long okay okay hold out your hands and close your eyes happy Mother's Day what's this oh Mona you got me a watch too two what else did you think I was giving you no honey be thank you so much for my luggage her luggage yes Mona it's a big hit she can't stop talking about it it is the best motherly present ever come here baby come [Music] on it is perfect I mean doesn't this just say me yes it's oversized than leathery gee Mom it's just a suitcase what you freaking do T don't be rude your sister obviously put a lot of thought into what I would like for Mother's Day now if you'll excuse me I'm going to see how many Gucci fit in the padded shoe cozy oh wow Mona that was so Ultra thoughtful of you to get that present for my mother especially after you said you weren't planning on getting her anything what is her problem why does that woman have my luggage what is your problem that luggage was mine yours why would you think that because it's the type of gift a loving daughter would give her mother and I found it in your closet what were you doing in my closet well being the good luggage deserving mother that I am I was cleaning up your mess well excuse me but it wasn't for you and what do you want with luggage anyway you don't even travel I would if I had that fancy luggage hey you said you wanted to watch usually when someone says I want to watch they mean I want to watch so silly me I got you watch I would call that being thoughtful well sometimes it's not the thought that counts it's the gift Phyllis I'm sorry I forgot to give you your Mother's Day gift it must have gotten lost in all the luggage hoopla oh Dee look at these diamonds this is beautiful this is the best Mother's Day present ever thank you you're welcome I'll see you when the limo gets here oh Phyllis sit by me I don't believe that she said she was only giving you a blouse oh Mona don't [Music] hate hey Ladi my mom loved all the stuff I got her from SE she hasn't even unstrapped the leaf blower off her back something going on no no okay uh Phyllis I just wanted to say happy Mother's Day so hold out of your wrist so I can see that gift oh you heard about my Mother's Day bling isn't it sparkly dang Mona that is nice way better than a watch shut up Spencer don't you tell Spencer to shut up don't tell me not to tell Spencer to shut up shut up Spencer glad to see nothing's going [Music] on what time did these people start with the singer I don't know maybe somebody should check their new watch Dee did I tell you how much I love my bracelet yes five times once for every time you lumbered back up to the buffet pay no attention to my mother Phyllis she obviously doesn't get the concept of appreciation Big Dee what is your favorite thing about the luggage I gave you well Jelly Bean it's stylish all corant and look there are compartments for everything I travel with there's one for your hair what's this Super Fly Girl oh that's the other gift I gave you I mean cuz you're a Superfly girl type lady why does it have sweat stained well it was locked in the suitcase it got hot I knew there was something fishy about that luggage where did you really really get it Mona all right I got it at work they had some stuff left over from a video shoot but if it helps those are celebrity sweat stains you gave me used luggage I don't do leftovers sure you do his name is Charles you mean I gave your mother my bracelet for nothing what do you mean your bracelet I knew I recognized that that's the one Neil gave you that's not true I gave that one to my personal trainer I got got this one from a guy dated in college I think his name was Carlos you mean you have a drawer full of ex-boyfriend jewelry uh two drawers well Phyllis it looks like you and I have been regifted it sure does happy Mother's Day everyone today we celebrate the special bond between mother and child Bond of love respect and gratitude yeah right who feels the Mother's Day spirit I said who feels the Mother's Day Spirit get that thing out of my face thanks for inviting me to watch the game with you Mr Thorn well since you came up here and started eating up all my snacks and propped yourself on the couch I figure it was the light thing to do no this good with the throwing guys for a change but why AR we at your place watching it on one of your giant plasma TVs n housekeepers switched everything to Spanish and I haven't figured out how to switch it back can I ask you something how do you handle being around women all the time I mean they're always at each other Jester when you spend the last 30 years surrounded by females you learn to tune out all that chatter it just becomes a lot of ain't that right Drew That's my boy I like seeing you hang with Drew Mr T makes me think about my dad even though I don't remember that much about him except that one time at the zoo we saw this baboom with the funniest face so some mother say this turned out to be you know I just knew I was getting that luggage and Mona gives me a watch but I just knew I was getting that luggage well at least you can wear your daughter's gift I have to push mine around outside and then they drag us here to sit for hours eating eggs benedict what kind of brunch doesn't serve pigs in a blanket sure sounds crappy to me excuse me it's just that I got kids and y'all see where I'm spending my Mother's Day in the toilet bre me I couldn't afford to give my mama stuff like luggage and watches but every time I gave her a hug she told me that was the only gift she ever needed sweet woman that's why I was so surprised when she held up that liquor store I guess that works give she needed oh that reminds me I need to send her some cigarettes for currency in the pen do you know she hasn't spoken two words to her daughter since we got here I may have been a bit aloof but she just been playing evil I'm going to go work this out with my baby thank you for your wisdom you're welcome honey go thank me in [Laughter] cash thank you m I use the men room Mona thanks for the watch what and the brunch and for being such a wonderful daughter how many mimosas have you had one minute you're giving me all this grief about some stupid luggage and now you're getting all seventh heaven on me I'm just not all that comfortable with you spending so much time with the dees I mean I come over to my daughter's apartment and I find Big Dee laughing and talking with my daughter then you give her that fat fabulous present I just feel like I'm losing you a you can shake me if you wanted to you and I have a relationship that a lot of mothers and daughters go a lifetime without so stop trying to mess it up with all this insecure mumbo jumbo hey I'm the mother don't tell me what to do even if you do know just what to say see that's what Mother's Day is supposed to be about I'm going go call my mama and tell her y'all watching my stuff with you and I do know exactly how much money is in my tip [Laughter] [Applause] job [Music] sweetheart I need to talk to you I'm sorry are you addressing me or your luggage Diddy I want to apologize for my terrible Behavior really it's just since the baby everyone treats me like such a mommy now I don't know if you see me as your friend or as your out of shape mother oh I see you as both wait didn't come out right I guess if there's one person I counted on not to treat me like a mother was my daughter mom I will always see you as that fantastic fabulous woman that you are just because I gave you a stroller it doesn't change that oh thank God but now I know how you feel so next Saturday let's spend the day getting pampered and then have high te at the fa oh sounds perfect oh thank you but you know all of this could have been avoided if you just told me what you really want oh dear you know I'm not one to make a fuss this will be everlasting love this will be the one I've waited for this will be the first time anyone has Lov me yeah I'm so glad he found it time I'm so glad he ried my [Music] mind and everlasting love for [Music] me yeah you so is everybody okay now almost Mona I'm sorry I flipped out about your gift we're cool after we make a little stop at your boyfriend drawer speaking of gifts we don't want yours i' be happy to take it of course phis you're welcome to the baby stroller you can put your cats in it it will yeah you put a lot of sunshine into my life you f me with happiness I never knew you gave me more joy than I ever dreamed of no no one can take the place of you this will be you and me yes Sor eternally hugging and squeezing and kissing anding together forever you and me [Music] come on that was a foul man what are you talking about no no no no no stop crying stop [Laughter] crying smell something yeah I do what time they getting back from that brunch 20 minutes yeah I don't smell anything me [Applause] [Music] neither [Music] [Music] woohoo this is ridiculous I mean the Press is here where the hell is big fat Slim Jim it's his listening party Spencer don't touch the food before the artist gets here you taught me that but big fat is 2 hours late it's real imitation crap if you're that hungry there's a granola bar in the top drawer of my desk not anym I ate that an hour ago Mona this is so exciting and don't I look great Mr big fat hard as it is to believe tonight's so not about you didy finally a touch a fabulous in the snooza poooa we C's going to be here any hour did you check the list I gave you oh Mona please tonight is so not about you fin big F what's up y'all they grab that shrimp man hey you come on hey you you yeah that's what I'm talking about y'all know what this means we can eat through this journey of Discovery this journey of Discovery finding you I'm finding me finding you I'm finding me now that I have someone special who brings out the joy brings out the joy of [Music] of the way I feel it should be you and [Music] [Music] me big fat and I work very closely you know that song I super siiz your order in your drove through my heart let me be your Whopper tonight you thought of that nope but the two of us was chilling at bird King when he wrote it really yeah baby Spencer the caterer is making out with Adam in the closet I could use a little help here can't you see I'm networking I call it not working wa that you okay yeah thanks I'm not usually that clumsy well actually I am but cing isn't my real job I work here at delicious oh what do you do a anr I'm Mona Thorne and the only catering I do is to the artist every whim anr was more glamorous developing new acts hanging out with the artists breaking up fights of the war shows hey I love my job but sometimes I think this business is more about coming up with a soundtrack or the next Nike commercial than artistic expression wow I've never heard a music executive be so candid except for when they're being held out of the window by a rapper so what brings you to the party I write for herb magazine Hamilton Brooks oh I read your stuff how would you like to be in it your stuff I prefer to call her to come you want to interview me yeah you seem to have a fresh takee on the industry well I don't know can I think about it mona can I talk to you now excuse me Hamilton I was actually talking to a cute guy with no gold teeth who thinks I'm insightful you can't turn down an interview aren't you always talking about how someday you want to have your own record company this is a chance to get your name on the industry radar but I don't have anything interesting to say I know that but he thinks you do you can't pass this up maybe you're right Hamilton I thought about it and yes wow decisive I like that I'll call in setad of a time all right congratulations you're on your way yeah look out world Here Comes Mona Thorn woo set that to music get a young Leslie ugam to play you and I am so there oh a whole article about my little girl oh I am so proud of you Mona oh I can't wait to read about how it's all thanks to your mother about all the sacrifices she made to get you where you are and how you know she had to work two jobs and this he's interested in music I like music that's where you get it from I just don't understand I worked in this industry longer than you have and he wants to interview you damn sometimes I wish I had breasts Spencer I've seen pictures of you in high school you did all I'm saying is why didn't this Hamilton guy ask me oh you were networking remember oh yeah she was nice real nice well who cares about an interview anyway I wouldn't want to say something stupid and have thousands of people read it my daughter will not say something stupid you won't will you of course not Mona is well aware that the top industry people will be reading this and making judgments based on every single word she says and she'll do the best she can under that pressure you will won't you well thanks for the faith everybody hey Mona I can help you prep I was a reporter on my college paper I wrote searing exposes on great inflation Black Market steroids and the dangers of using other people's mascara I'll be fine I don't need any help I'll just talk about how music is like you know really important and how like I like have some ideas about how to make it like you know better and I'd like to thank my mother for getting me where I am today don't thank me for that well I've forgiven your father for working a balance Val's day but I don't think coko has Koko's a dog mother a sensitive dog and there's a far away look in her eyes when she humps his slipper now anyway that's for them to work out I can't play Peacekeeper all the time okay Dy let's do this mom Mona and I have some work to do for her magazine interview but I just refresh my white russian pretend I'm not here okay so we'll do a mock interview and I'll give you notes as we go okay all right Miss Thorne how long have you been in the music business uh let's see I guess it's been like 3 years what it's been 3 years yeah and it took you like 3 years to answer the question you have to keep it short and simple that means no us likes or you knows and if you don't know the answer to a question say I'll have to get get back to you on that now Miss Thorne what's your toughest challenge in the music business uh finding talented artist and the contact high you get backstage what that was a joke don't joke it seems needy now for my next question all right I can't take it anymore cookie D are you being interviewed by a man yeah then there's no need to prep just suck in your cheeks stick out your chess and speak with a low voice it doesn't matter what you say you'll be putty in your hands mom you're setting feminism Back 40 years please I'm a staunch support of feminism it's the only thing that gives the ugly girls a chance Mona don't listen to my mother just be professional be concise and be serious as I was saying [Music] okay let's switch directions how do you think the music business is changing be professional be concise and be serious more competitive more diverse you want to expand on that no mon we've been at this for almost an hour and you still seem a little uncomfortable you sure you're cool I'll have to get back to you on that you know I think it's the tape recorder I can't stop staring at it I tell you what if it help I'll put it out of side okay so how about your thoughts on the future Miss Thorn I brw some fresh coffee and oh I didn't know you in a meeting hello Adam Benet that's B NE T no relation to Eric although I also cried tears of joy when hie won her Oscar I'm the communications liaison he's the [Laughter] receptionist Miss Thorn's quick wit keeps us all hopping and you could quote me on that in the article I have a picture if you need one weren't you at the party you were the one Dirty Dancing with the coat rack phone's ringing got to [Laughter] go so sorry about that ah no sweat no sweat so what do you think about the state of hip-hop too violent too commercial well I guess I'd have to say that the this week sound scans out and I had some thoughts on how hey Hamilton Brooks right Spencer Williams well you know being her mentor and all Mona probably mentioned me no I don't think so Spencer we're in the middle of an interview oh right your interview we I'm sure you'll get around to mentioning me Spencer Williams her Mentor the guy who got her the job sorry about that where were we problem it's um Temple what do you want I just wanted to tell you about the conversation that I had with Elton Sir Elton John that is I know him frash pastries okay Hamilton will you excuse me no I just want would you guys stop barging in hey you're not the only bloker around here who wants a little Fame that's right spread the love nobody likes a media hog look Mona I think I have everything I need thanks for the time but I got to get going however would you be interested in having dinner with me tonight really sure I'd love to excellent I'll meet you all right wow I'm going to get my name in print and have a hot day it's win-win I've never had the win-win what a waste of good buns well you can give them out to the staff I was talking about [Applause] Hamilton you didn't have to walk me to my door I didn't want to say goodbye yet I'm having too good A Time Bo is that the right thing to say I'm a journalist I'm good with words you know I'm tempted to ask what else you're good at but that might sound like a come on so what else you're good at making my deadline so I better take off well thank you for dinner my pleasure and thank you for the interview and thank you for the interviewing and thank you for being so interview and thank you for D out I guess I have nothing left to thank you for how about this [Music] thank you no thank you God bless the [Music] Press X3 xt3 Read All About It Mona Thorn interview hide off the presses I got the first copy off the truck well not the first copy that one was kind of skanky me it's out already I talked to Hamilton a few times but he didn't say anything about it coming out today oh maybe you wanted to time it with big Fat's album release would you just read it I resisted the whole way over look there's your picture oh my God can my forehead be anymore chromagnon you look beautiful and if you're not going to read it give it to me Mona Thorne an upand cominging anr executive at delicious records has developed such successful acts as Dante and big fat slim JY this Mona Thorn sounds impressive however according to Miss Thorne often the music business has very little to do with music I spend more time catering to Big Fat's outrageous partying and womanizing than working on his music said the frustrated anr exec what I never said that according to this you said a whole lot more what the way that guy drinks I'm glad he doesn't rap with his liver yikes he's so bad Rick James won't even go to his parties oh my god when everyone reads this I'll be ruined why would Hamilton do this to me Mona relax nobody who matters is going to read this look what I got I am so proud of you baby how did you say that didn't you read it no I just looked at the picture it's gorgeous you look just like me what now is this about your forehead again you know you got that from your father yeah tell me about it good morning monan Adam hi I read your article it's been nice knowing you Spencer has everybody read that article everybody except the blind guy at the news stand but somebody read it to him and he's pissed this is all a big misunderstanding bus ladies coming look busy busy I say Erica's coming that can't be good she hasn't been here since she fired the third floor yep somebody's head is going to roll why is everybody looking at me okay I know why you're looking at me but stop looking at me come on people you can look busier than that Miss Duke you look Fierce the way you working that red it makes all the other colors jealous do you really think kissing my ass is going to impress me well I found it to be the most effective way to deal with powerful vivacious women such as yourself Adam you know Erica doesn't like people sucking up she's too smart and beautiful for all that and yall wonder why I don't come down here more often M can I I see you in your office is it too late for me to kiss your [Laughter] ass Erica I know this is about the article but that reporter completely twisted my words around let me guess did you take you out for a fancy dinner buy you a few cheap drinks get you to let your guard down yes exactly I knew you would understand you're a woman I am a woman a business woman and I'm also an unmarried woman that makes me kind of tense so I don't like when I have to come down here and deal with your inability to separate the personal from the professional that makes me an evil woman I'm getting that the most important part of your job is to protect your artist and when you can't do that that makes me very upset and now that idiot big fat our biggest artist who's at even bigger pain in my ass can't trust you Erica listen I've already put a call into Hamilton I'm going to get him to print a retraction if you can make that happen I'll talk to big fat if not not you're going to have to pack it up Sister Mona I just found your medication no wonder you've been acting so crazy girl are you really on my [Music] payroll hey was just about to call you back what did you think about the article I think it was a big pile of Miss Thor I advise you not to say anything else without that first Consulting Council and as you can see by my power suit that's me what's going on I'm about a minute away from shoving that article Thorn demands a retraction of your defamatory article and an explanation as to why you printed these disparaging comments such as big Fat's favorite drink cristelle his favorite meal groupies so what do you have to say I think I'm going to let Mona do the talk you want to know big Fat's favorite drink Kristal oh his favorite meal groupies waiter another Appletini you recorded our date we were at dinner which was a part of the interview but I thought that was off the Record you never said it was off the Record there isn't anything in that article you didn't say well this unexpected development sheds new light on the case there's only one thing to do unfortunately we don't cover that in law school till next semester don't worry about it Didi just give me a second with Hamilton Mona I was just doing my job as a journalist oh so you just pretended to be interested in me so you could make me look bad I wasn't pretending and I thought you would be happy with the article okay I didn't think you'd be happy but you should be proud of your convictions I guess I can be proud of them on the unemployment line you got fired after this I will be I want you make that your next story oh [Music] no it's not going to be the same without you around here you think so I know so Mona we heard the news we're really sorry thanks Temple so I don't know exactly how to say this it's okay Dave I'm going to miss you too yeah that's great actually I was going to ask if I could have your chair no no no no we talked about this when she gets fired I get the chair you said you wanted the cabinet behind her desk no you said I wanted the cabinet I said I wanted the chair people have some Humanity the body's still warm now get out there and do your job so you don't end up like her Mona honey don't mind those vultures your real friends are there for you we're going to miss you something awful oh give me a squeeze girlfriend so you got everything I guess so except my career Mo it's going to work out you land on your feet you always do I'll believe it when it happens well I got to get back to work yeah call you tonight [Music] [Music] oh you guys you shouldn't have done that for me oh we didn't it's um it's Henderson's birthday oh great well I love cake sorry Mona we only have enough for employees [Music] [Music] woohoo haven't seen you two together in a long time where's the white boy and the British chick Nick is at a recording session and I'm hoping the British chick got really fat why do I ask personal questions when I really don't care why do we keep coming here in spite of the service let me see if I remember split a short stack extra bacon stiff me on the just like old times through this journey of discover this journey of Discovery finding you I'm finding me finding you I'm finding me now that I have someone special who brings out the joy out the Joy inside of me inside of me whatever we all we need is love the way you feeling should be you and [Music] [Music] me what do you want to do today I'm doing it well we have to get up eventually so we can come back and take a nap I love our weekends and I love you I love you too and our weekday aren't bad either that reminds me my parents are coming up from Carmel for a few days I really want you to meet them oh please tell me I am not the only reason they're coming into town because that's a lot of pressure and my eye is already starting to Twitch relax they're coming to see me but I do want to show off my Twitchy ad girlfriend o you are going to to meet Nick's parents I am one step closer to getting me some grandbabies and it's a good thing too cuz you ain't getting any younger I can hear your egg cracking in my sleep thanks ma you're my rock sounds like this thing is getting kind of serious I mean you only been dating for 3 months 2 weeks and 4 days roughly you know I I've never met anyone's parents before all my old boyfriends claim their folks were either out of town C in the witness protection program well don't worry just act like whatever boring thing they say is the most interesting thing you've ever heard like I do with your mom and I with yours I'm glad I don't have to play these silly games my man's parents are dead your man what man man who said man not me phis you got a man get down with your bad s so that's why you were asking me if thongs are comfortable okay okay okay I have a man why does everyone act so shocked when they hear I have a boyfriend well when you got the fifth cat we kind of thought you were done with men no I was just done telling you people about it every time you meet one of my men it goes to crap you're not meeting another one until we're on the dance floor at the wedding reception doing the Electric Slide phis you wear thbs phis have you seen my new extraordinarily large diamond ring just a little token of Charles's love you know when you say little token I do think of Charles you know you can buy yourself bobles it's not wrong it's sad but not wrong oh it's so nice to have a man I know my man is sweet and handsome and he doesn't have to buy his blazes in the little boy's Department poor delusional f is thinking she has a man you might want to to stop sleeping in those control tops they're cutting off the circulation to your brain oh go get the olives please quick here goes hi I'm sorry we're looking for Mona I'm Mona oh she's Mona well um hi I I'm Bob this is my wife Joan and um and honey she's Mona I know that Bob it is so nice to meet you both come on in there you are Nikki you didn't tell us she was so Cosmopolitan well I read Cosmopolitan I drink cosmopolitans and sometimes I do both at the same time well she's a multitasker Joan Dad yeah he hey ni you've been lifting weights you look good thanks Dad I feel good I'm happy thanks to Mona it's not hard to see why Mona you're very beautiful girl oh with such curly hair you should see it in an electrical storm so how do you like San Francisco we don't no the streets are too narrow it's not Buick friendly we beg Nikki not to move here but he loves big cities he always had Urban taste well the city is great on the weekends we walk everywhere unless it's raining or cold or foggy or uphill we stay in a lot so Nick excuse me could you help me with the mushroom caps oh my god did I lock the car so meeting the parents not going so well it's going great they're going to warm up to you do you think so I know so but a lot of wine won't hurt Dee Dear if you ever catch me listening at your door be a good girl and put me in a tasteful sanitarium well I thought I smell Chanel number five in vodka should you be out with your man tonight he had to work late clever you've given your pretend man a pretend job I hope you at least made him a pretend CEO honey my man is real and he is h o t really so what's his name I already told you I'm keeping him under wraps even lying to the children I think your mantasy is a serious Cry for Help MH ciao Bye Mom bye baby phis what you're doing is wrong I know can't hear you're a thing back starting to ache anyway my man's coming over later nothing kills a mood like the smell of bingay bye K what a pleasant surprise to run into I need your help yeah I'm guessing it's not going very well if you're taking out the trash I tried everything you told me with next parents but nothing is working all right how about I drop in see what's going on work a little of my magic great let's go Mona a little tip when you go to take the trash out it's weird if you walk back in with it hey everybody look who I bumped into my sister deei deei these are Nick's parents Bob and Joan hi oh it certainly is a pleasure to meet you both Nick is such a great guy you must be so very proud of him well he hasn't disappointed us yet uh so have you tried some of want's delicious onion dip oh no thank you ethnic food doesn't agree with us uh Mom I forgot to tell you I have a surprise for you Neil Diamond came into the studio and I got you an autographed picture oh Nikki that is so sweet of you okay so tell me does it say to Joan Forever in Blue Jeans love Neil like I asked yes and he's wearing his American flag shirt it's with my stuff in the bedroom I'll be right back B his stuff's in the bedroom so uh Dei is in her second year at bolt law school yes I've loved the law since I was little they tell me that I used my rattle as a gabble well B that's that's quite an achievement you know I think it's just well that colleges are giving everyone a chance these days oh what an adorable baby picture Mona is this you with your Nanny oh actually that's me with my grandma Sophie wasn't that interesting life must have been very complicated for you only a Temple Beth Malachi daycare speaking of complicated Mona let me help you with the mushroom caps oh they're already out I have an idea for the stems excuse me what okay since when is onion dip considered ethnic food well onions are consumed by a multitude of cultures NOA I think I figured out why these people aren't warming up to you I think I have two I should have spent the money on the shrimp kebabs I don't know what we're going to do Bob I thought he was out of this phase well you know it's our own fault we should never have let him put that finesse Williams poster in his bedroom you still thinking it's your food Vanessa oh I'm sorry Mona you all look alike to me this is so unreal I mean I'm Charming and I'm smart enough for Nick's parents I'm just not white enough too bad they haven't seen you dance sorry but let's keep it real cannot believe Nick was raised by such narrow-minded people well haven't you and Nick ever talked about the fact that you're black and he's white no it's never been an issue between us until now wow talk about a big elephant in the room or in this case it's more like a zebra or a panda or a skunk did I get it Mona you have to talk to him I don't want to talking ruins everything everything I just want this to work out well it's never going to unless you talk to him it's either that or give up all your favorite ethnic foods like sour cream and celery wow this is a really nice place so quiet and intimate you know it's the perfect place to talk about things like us and things about us I know that's why I picked it so Nick there's something I wanted to to talk to you how did he know I wanted sangria I ordered it when I made the reservation I love this song I know we listened to this on our first date oh that's sweet but Nick there's something I need to talk to you it looks like there's something floating in your sangria e you know what this means free meal and if I swallow it lawsuit looks like there's something tied at the end of a string it's a little key that's weird because I have this little box why don't you see if the key fits the okay oh Nick you know I realized the day that we met that I'd fall in love with you but you never know how these things are going to play out like I didn't know how much I'd love standing next to you or hearing you laugh and then snort and then laugh again again I love those moments and I can't imagine a day without them or you I want you to ride off into the future with [Music] me Mona will you marry me yes [Applause] yes [Music] hey guys sorry I'm late I guess you're wondering why I've called you all here let me just say up front I need both my kidneys you got five Nick broke it all no I'm getting married that's a spirit you just keep saying it to yourself and one day it'll come true no I'm serious Nick proposed to me see oh Lord have mercy my baby is getting married look at this R this is some news girl I'm happy for you oh congratulations so that talk with Nick must have gone well actually I didn't get to it oh well yay for you I've got to run and get my ring sized it almost slipped off this morning while I was making it Sparkle into oncoming traffic see you later conratulations congratulations this is so great okay I'll go first this is some serious bull phis I'm sorry you know I want me some grandbabies but I am not happy about this and you want to know why I'm not happy about this I'll tell you why I'm not happy about this she's only been seeing Nick a few measly months 3 months 2 weeks and 6 days roughly wow you're a pair of binoculars and a photo collage away from being a stalker yeah marriage isn't something you rush into if fighting know your father better I never would have married him hell I never would have let him bump my gas yeah I mean is Nick her soul mate the person who knows her better than anybody the guy who stood by her year after year since their freshman year in college is Nick Dead Brother well to be fair there's not many people who fit that bill but I do agree that something about this isn't right when this whole thing Falls to pieces and it will cuz hey it is her give the pretty boy my number I know this may be hard to believe but I'm [Music] desperate Mona what are you doing up it's like 3:00 in the morning I have to get this off my chest Mona I've watched a lot of people get married and some of those weddings were wonderful and some I just knew weren't right but I kept my mouth shut and now those people are bitter divorce surfing for Love on the internet if you're talking about my mom she is doing the best she can I'm talking about you you're my sister and I have to speak up have you even considered what life would be with Nick's parents who clearly don't celebrate MLK day are you sure you want to marry Nick if I were would it be up in the middle of the night watching The Facts of Life wondering what advice Mrs Garrett would be giving toy in this situation then why did you tell Nick yes cuz there was a man who loves me on his knee with a ring and a horse and a carriage and I got swept up in the moment I don't know am I just an idiot yes you [Music] are phis nice outfit did your new man pick it out or was it a frequent buyer gift from the salvation Army I must say motherhood agrees with you big Dee you are absolutely glowing why are you in such a good mood no reason just had a romantic lunch with my boyfriend have a lovely day oh my Lord she does have a man I forgot to mention your hair looks especially nice today bye and she's has sex with them too hey hey where do you want to go for dinner tonight Thailand China Morocco and who says I don't take my baby places we need to talk you know I've never liked those four words together in a sentence Nick I think we need to slow things down what do you mean slow things down have you checked your hand lately we're engaged I know but we've only been together for a few months and there's something else great cuz I love the first thing so much your parents don't seem to like me very much I told you they were conservative that's one word for it Mona every relationship has its challenges for us it's my parents but you're not marrying them you're marrying me but marriage is supposed to be the union of two two families who start off loving each other and then grow to hate each other over time not the other way around so what exactly do you want to do I don't know but I don't want to lose you so can't we just keep on dating but I want to marry you do you think that could happen one day I can't answer that question I think you just did I'm sorry Nick I'm sorry too I hope you find who you're meant to be with with mon you can't marry Nick he hey hey Nick uh catch the game last night relax we're not getting married goodbye [Music] mom you okay no no you want me to go no yes can't believe I just let Nick walk out the door I can't believe it's over I'm sorry Mama I'm glad you're here I don't know why you're here but I'm glad you are we've been friends for a long time I guess I just know when you need me is it okay if I cry on your shoulder that's what it's there for [Music] [Music] woohoo

Channel: Star Point Entertainment Movie

Views: 227,562

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Id: dDZbKRrL8nQ

Length: 204min 44sec (12284 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 07 2023