Guests making Conan laugh | COMPILATION

watching a ballgame and all of a sudden everybody stands up holding up a sign of somebody that they either know that's dying of cancer or died of it in the middle of the game it's just like what are you doing trying to watch a game here found it's a time and a place look I know sorry I know somebody that has died of cancer I would never go to the movies with you and in the middle of it hit pause to be I oh by the way Conan I could have lifted him up off the sheet with two fingers it was horrible hey and Joe by the way I got molested when I was nine so do you ever get insulted that yeah many movies imagine you do do you ever get insulted that Germans are always the bad guys in movies no dunno why why I mean have you have you evicted pediatr minee history if Germans play bad guys in all the other films who plays bad guys in Germany Sherman's very safe aware who should play bad we should play the Benny situation there's no situation where that would be justified they don't believe so maybe 800 years ago but if you were a sultan yes then then you could do it a Bedouin Sultan rising about in a camel whoo so bring me my courtesans my prostitution courtesan sounds better I fasted it but the jobs the same yeah you can tell yourself you're a courtesan in the shower while you're washing away the guilt [Applause] and I stuck it out the phone to my mom and Nolte sits down next to me he's like oh you're talking to your mama and I was like yeah it's like happy Mother's Day like Oh would you mind telling her that yourself you know that's obnoxious but it's Nulty right yeah so they give him the phone and he's like having Mother's Day okay you take care now hand the phone back to me and I think okay bye my love you and and I hung up the phone he looks at me he's like your mama thinks I'm Gary Busey and the conversations always went the same way and I'd say hello mommies Georgia she said hello John you I said fine mom how are you and then she would with a sort of sense of surprise Justin keep it down this week and I don't know why she was surprised cuz she was just a little bit down this week for 50 [Laughter] [Applause] very much fun being 92 I think because you know all the people at the home are dying around you like flies you know you're just chatting to someone and then you go up and get your custard and come back and he's dead mom I have an idea what is that and I said look if you're still feeling this way next week I have a friend in Fulham and I could give him a call if you like but only if you like and he could come down and kill you did me well not one time she was always saying to me you'll miss me when I've gone you know I used to irritate me yeah you'll miss me when I'm gone you speed Oh God and who knows maybe I will one day I don't know cuz I was fed up with it you know and and she said why not I thought whoops whoops I forgot across the ISO because because mum I said when you die I am going to a taxidermist and having you stuff and I said and I'm gonna keep you in a glass case by the front door uh-huh every time I go out I should say bye mum that's why when bye mum but the lovely thing was she was delighted yeah she was absolutely delighted she got her she went around the elderly person's residence and saying to people yes when I die my son's gonna happy stuff because I actually like Florida State but that Tomahawk Chop thing drives me nuts it has nothing to even do with the Native American thing it's the fact that they do it every like three seconds they form a huddle and all of a sudden the band starts playing everything the crowds like and they never get sick of it it's like the band knows one song it's like I got it it was twenty you know what's funny about that is you know like Native Americans never even did that you know like white people in like the 1920s when they were making like they first got sound in movies like what did they sound like I don't know they got some morons on this set oh no and even if I was the biggest Florida State fan ever like even like halfway through the fourth quarter I'm tapping out it's like these can we get another song going here yeah something I know I think I made the point yeah you made where is your fat specifically well my body's like the apartment of a drug dealer like at first you're like there's no cashier but then you're like tear open the couch and there's 900,000 like men who drive like have midlife crisis and will drive like a red car a sports crew that's true do you think if you see a man driving like a red expensive sports car it means he's got a small penis absolutely servicing Jay Leno [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] the full surgeries report on my hip and pelvis yeah yeah what every man wants to hear love you it's not it's it's unremarkable the winner would get to do a live show here three minute act on your show look great that's a bit this show that makes you cry when you have to go on in yeah your big reward why should I be the only one that suffers so they get the chance to come on here and maybe someone's watching from a real Channel [Applause] or just someone who runs a pub gig is this true yeah where you went to a band called hole shot yeah the guy on the left is like hanging his head in shame knowing that in 20 years we were just gonna be out of touch show just afraid he's gonna get hit by this yeah yeah yeah were you guys good going right over there you know just like set this bar so high from then on the cast was just eating scraps from your table yeah I talked to walking in Phoenix about your part on the thing he said that you your depiction of a talk-show host made him want to shoot you in the eye at Jim Carrey documentary on Netflix where he's for that Andy Kaufman movie where he was in character 20 inside yeah he's in like he's like in character 24 hours a day 7 days a week never breaks character I watched that documentary in character [Laughter] really my character hated it you can't get in like the character thought it was just narcissistic and pretend to love the Middle Ages it was just easier because like you know you never you just lived in a small village you didn't know there was another village you just you just like married whoever was in your village of a similar age that wasn't dead yet worried about what you were wearing or you'd like you know we were going and is there any you know is my breath you do everyone's breath was terrible because the harvest failed then they had to eat their dogs you know go to restaurants like names that you just you just married a woman and then let your merit your met woman on a Wednesday you were married on a Friday and she was having kids by the following Tuesday Julie you had to get the kids out before winter came and there cuz they were all gone happier much happier you just lived happily ever after until in a dream world both of you got plague and dying I was a beautiful marriage past I was here we got in a bath together I don't remember that no no do I it probably didn't happen then you know it didn't happen there's no way that you and I took off our clothes and then got into a bath to hell and I was wearing American boxers and you were wearing European speedos you do remember it really well don't you I was on your lap keep your hands on the table [Laughter] [Applause]

Channel: 4st 7lb

Views: 1,699,947

Rating: 4.9158783 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: OWNQkscF_RQ

Length: 10min 56sec (656 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 14 2020