Grieving Loss

I am so glad that we're having this discussion and that we are focusing our attention here because this is one of those topics that really impacts all of us grief will visit each one of us and whether it's a loved one or a friend or a co-worker and grief always doesn't necessarily mean or is exclusive to the death of someone you can have an emotional response regarding any loss and certainly as people lose their jobs and even go in and out of relationships they experience in grief I'm grateful to be here because there's really just a lot of bad information regarding the process of grief this was even recognized in the New Testament as Paul writes to the church in first Thessalonians he says this I'm in chapter 4 verse 13 but we do not want you to be uninformed brothers about those who are asleep via sleepy means who have died that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope how interesting he says this uninformed the literal word here is I don't want you to be ignorant I don't want you to be ignorant about grief notice he doesn't say we're not going to grieve that's not what he says he says our grief however will be different from those who do not have hope grief is a natural human predictable and unavoidable response to loss in fact I'd say it to you this way grief is the evidence of how significant the relationship is if you've suffered the loss of a loved one there should be grief we see that in John with Specter Jesus himself you'll remember he had told his disciples I need to go back and I'm gonna raise Lazarus from the dead he has died for this very reason so that the Son of man may be glorified that they will believe now he's already told him he's gonna raise him from the dead yet when he goes back and he sees Mary and Martha they're crying my bible says jesus wept and that word there wept it's not just a tear coming it's not you know one of those Denzel Washington tears that just kind of comes down trickling no he's wailing why now some theologians would say well it's because Lazarus death reflects what sin does in our lives and how sin has entered into the world and he is wailing because of sin I guess from a theological standpoint that makes sense but what we know when you lose a loved one it hurts and he sees their heart breaking wouldn't it have been easy for Jesus say Mary Martha stop all that crying watch this but he doesn't he's weeping because it does hurt grief is the evidence of how significant the relationship is and so the first thing I want to share with you in terms of this bad information that's out here is that first and foremost when you're grieving it's okay not to be okay it's okay not to be okay in fact turn to the person next you look at them say it's okay not to be okay I didn't say ask for any coffee I said ask him now it's a simple tool but what you're doing is providing the license the emotional license to feel mad glad sad angry afraid these are core feelings Matt glad sad angry afraid when people are grieving oftentimes they want to suppress their feelings because it hurts so much they want to be numb to it one of the things that we talk about in grief share is checking in what do you feel there are no bad feelings there are no wrong feelings now how we respond to feelings that's an entirely different story you're driving someone cuts you off in traffic takes that parking space you feel like you want to blow their car up but you don't you go into one of the communities because you know that they have good coffee and donuts and you go there not only are all the donuts gone but the coffee is gone you feel like you want to slap somebody but you don't feelings are just that there aren't any bad feelings and oftentimes when people are grieving they want to suppress their feelings because they heard well here's the problem if you had Nesta ties your feelings if you become numb okay you might not feel the hurt but guess what if you're numb you can't experience love acceptance encouragement support numb is numb and if you are suppressing feelings you suppress good feelings as well our culture families and even ourselves we impose upon ourselves expectations that are not only are they not biblical they're unrealistic I was at a funeral not long ago a 14 year old boy had lost his dad the uncle had come in for the funeral and the little boy is cry and so the uncle goes to his nephew and he says okay look time for you to man up that's about enough of that he's 14 years old where does it say that men aren't supposed to cry that that makes you less than a man if you're hurt in experiencing grief he's 14 and he has every reason to mourn the loss of his dad now when people are grieving folks want to help you know but they just don't know what to say oftentimes they will tell people listen girl that's been long enough you've you've been crying long enough listen we're getting together you need to come out with us we're gonna go and get something eat come on you've been grieving long enough who says in fact beloved the experts tell us 18 to 24 months before people start to heal when they've had a significant loss 18 to 24 months before they start to heal people want to look at grief like its graduating from elementary school like a stage grief doesn't work that way it's not like you go through a period where you're sad and then you're angry and then you're in denial and then you're confused and then you're better it simply doesn't work that way you can experience all of those simultaneously in fact people have told me if feels like I'm trying to push a thought through jello I can't think the things that used to be so easy for me to do it they're just very confusing for me ahead lady called me she was hysterical I said what is wrong she said I can't find my car keys I'm at my doctor's office I don't know where my keys are said well retrace your steps look in the exam room we did that look in the bathroom we did that I said well where's your car is that a park I said just retrace your steps she's on the phone she goes crying she says old pastor I feel so stupid I said what's wrong not only are her keys in the car the cars running she just got out left the car running went to a doctor's appointment she said what's wrong with me I feel like I'm losing my mind nothing there's nothing wrong with you you're grieving grief affects every part of us emotionally psychologically physically that's why we tell people when they're grieving there's an acronym that we use called dear d e e r d stands for drink drink what you might say water make sure we get that straight water you did hear me say that right he said pastor said we got to go out here and get some drinks I did not say that I said you need to stay hydrated now this is important because if you've been crying it's easy to get dehydrated in fact most Americans walk around dehydrated to be honest with you we really don't drink as much water as we should but when you're grieving in particular people need to drink drink water that's the D E eat isn't uncommon when people are grieving that they simply don't have an appetite not good need to eat e exercise very important and then our rest hard to do when you're grieving you can lay in bed all day and not get any rest in fact does that ever happened to you have you gone to bed early and wake up the next day and you wake up tired a terrible feeling isn't it you're like I'm waking up tired here getting proper rest is important to heal in the grief process people will want to hurry that want you to get through it quickly here's the problem the hardest part when people are grieving it's not the funeral oftentimes that's a blur they'll understand that they were there but they won't remember conversations or people that they were with oftentimes that's really just a blur everyone starts this process with a checklist particularly if it's the loss of a spouse sometimes adult children have to step in and deal with the funeral arrangements the cemetery the headstone we've buried them now we have to go back in 30 or 60 days to set the headstone now we have to call Social Security now we have to deal with the annuity and the insurance or the life insurance and they think as soon as I get these things checked off my life will be bigger or better you know I'm gonna call Salvation Army they're gonna come and pick up the clothes we're gonna get this emptied out we've got the car sold and I think finally finally we got the last thing done I can be better well that's when it gets hard after the card stop and the phone calls cease there's nothing else on the checklist all that time grief has been over in the corner doing push-ups waiting you done you finished I need your attention now we describe it as people get tsunami they're hit with a wave of emotions it knocks him off their square and they think what is wrong with me I thought I was past this I thought I was doing better there's nothing wrong with you you were grieving you can have a tsunami it could be a song or fragrance or maybe it's an aroma you walk into a kitchen and you smell bread baking and it reminds you of that person or you're walking down the street and out of the corner of your eyes somebody goes by that's about the same height or has the code in for that fraction of a millisecond your brain says that's so-and-so and then the reality comes and you get tsunami no way really to avoid that we pray with people we explain it to them we help them to understand it's a part of grief but you can't really avoid it grief is like fog sometimes the fog is so thick you can't see your hand in front of your face and other times it's like a low-lying mist and it comes and it goes that that we counsel and that that God's Word confirms is simply this this is hard theology before any of us were born God knew and understand what issues were going to come into our lives we always get surprised by a loss no matter how long we're not ready but God knew not only did he know it he allowed it so if God knew it and he allowed it then that means he also has a plan and we can rest in that now that's hard theology particularly in a place like Chicago where on any given day people are minding their own business and the comfort of their own home and there is this intrusion of violence and someone's life has taken what did they do wrong five-year-old child is sitting on her porch listening to her grandmother and a stray bullet takes her life what did she do wrong hard theology God allowed it he permitted it we rest in that grief challenges everything it will make you physically weak it will make you doubt your faith and there will be those that have come alongside you that say you know I don't I don't understand they all have that same voice I don't understand why are you so upset they're in a better place you should just be happy that they're in a better place where is your faith it's not an issue of faith but I'll say this to you it's okay for you to lament to God it's all right to tell him that you're hurting that you're frustrated that you're angry he knows anyway but it's perfectly all right for you to share your heart with the God of the universe now here's the promise we're all just passing through here if you blessed I don't know what do you get eighty eighty-five Christmases Springs summers we're all just passing through but God promised he'd never leave us or forsake us God promised they'd neither height nor depth nor principalities nor powers nor death itself would ever separate us from his love and for those who have put their hope and their trust in the Lord Jesus Christ we are never alone yes grief hurts and yes it challenges us on every front it affects everybody differently but it affects everybody that's why you can't look to someone else as a model of what you should do or how you should feel sometimes people want to make up RUP changes I know that my time is up but that's really not a good idea a change of latitude doesn't really affect attitude grief will be there waiting for you we can talk more about it you're blessed this evening with some truly godly people and I hope that you appreciate not only the courage but the faith that it takes to be this transparent to talk about what is literally the most intimate thing that happens in someone's life a loss of a loved one and to be able to share that openly so you're blessed tonight father I've said what you'd have me to say and now we ask that you would use this time that you would comfort those who need comfort that you would provide information for those who need information that you would encourage those hearts that need encouragement but more than that father that you would call those two the hope that they can have and have had and will have when their life is surrendered to you we thank you that we can talk about grief because it is a part of our lives we are not meant to be in these tents forever and it mandates that we consider where we will spend the eternity so we thank you Father for this time and I do pray in the matchless magnificent name of Jesus and amen

Channel: The Moody Church

Views: 47,972

Rating: 4.9300475 out of 5

Keywords: Christianity, Jesus, Chicago, Church, Sermon, Handling grief, How to grieve, Dealing with loss and sadness, death in the family

Id: 6kwg-7HeXNI

Length: 20min 20sec (1220 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 12 2019