How To Overcome the Pain of Losing a Loved One | Joyce Meyer

are you suffering from the pain of losing a loved one the day my guests will share how God comforts him through the loss of his wife of 45 years before I introduce him take a look at this video celebrating the life of his wife Rochelle Nieman normally stories don't begin this way death isn't something most people want mentioned when we talk about grace love and value of life however Rochelle Neiman's story goes beyond her memorial stone we met in college on a blind date we went out on Thanksgiving weekend I never went out with anybody else ever that was it 18 years old we were together every day for 45 years Rochelle died from ovarian cancer time doesn't heal the pain of losing a loved one through Christ feelings of loss can be replaced by joy filled memories of life when my mom was sick she was fighting the disease that ultimately took her life she would come in and do healing services in the church and one night I remember she was so sick and so weak I begged her to just let me or Shannon do the service and for her to rest and she said no we're gonna go in and we're gonna pray for the sick and I believe that people are gonna be healed when she passed away when I saw people's reaction it became so real to me what her life had meant and it's been in this time that I've come to understand how incredible it is when you recognize that you can live your life in a way that really makes a difference that really impacts people since she's passed away I've learned of all these school tuitions we paid for these rents we paid for these car payments we made prescriptions we paid for glasses for kids that we bought for weeks and weeks we just heard stories after story after story of how she just touched so many people just over and over again of how my mom intervened in people's lives to help them get through things in it at the end of the day the story was that she gave grace Rachelle passed away on December 30th 2012 just two days after her granddaughter Emory was born bittersweet to say the least her grandchildren won't remember Rachelle holding them but they will always feel the embrace of their grandmother's legacy of love I will always tell Emory how my mom showed that you could live such an incredible life of quality um centered on the Word of God focused on the Word of God the life that was still so fun and so meaningful and that really served an incredible purpose she had experienced God's grace in her life and therefore she knew that whatever she had experienced from God to give that same experience to the people that she was around and she did it day in and day out it was really incredible to watch you know she loved people and she loved life the girl squeezed every drop of life out of every day I used to kid her and say you know I think when when you go to bed at night the day you just live wave the white flag of surrender because you just pound that day and she just looked at me and said well of course she said I I believe God expects that of us that every day is a gift from God and you should live it and the girl lived death it isn't something most people want mentioned when we talk about grace love and value of life however bruh shells story goes far beyond her memorial stone to the school she started the church she helped build the family she loved and the individual she continues to inspire a christ-centered life means death isn't the end it's part of the process of life the Nieman's don't ignore the pain of their loss but they choose to celebrate and honor the way she lived well Charles thank you so much for being willing to be with us and share this very personal story and the the pain and the victory of what's going on in your life that's an honor and I'm very very very blessed to be here and be able to share this hope it helps some people you know I always admire people of faith who when they do have a difficulty whether it's something as tragic as yours are the everyday trials of life decide that they're going to not blame God have a good attitude and move on so why don't you just tell us a little bit about your story and what you've been feeling and we want to help the people watching today because I know a lot of them are probably going through the same thing well I would say that that my story is kind of in two parts you know there was the the part where we were battling the cancer and Rochelle was really battling the cancer yeah and then the second part was at you know when she finally did pass away on December the 30th and so it was it was about an eight month battle for us what was it like for you getting those treatment uh it was just you know incredibly difficult as many people know you know it's you know of course what I went through was nothing compared to what she was going through it was very hard and it was very difficult very very emotionally draining spiritual draining on me my kids my friends my church it was hard on all of us and an obviously hard on her shell everything kind of came to kind of a pivotal point in my life on December the 23rd we were at MD Anderson in Houston and and things were very difficult Rochelle was not doing well it was very hard and and we had a hotel room next to the hospital and I was walking I left her room to go take a shower for a minute and uh and I'd already settle in my mind that we were going to spend Christmas by ourselves there and because our family was all back in El Paso my daughter was a week away from having her baby she couldn't travel anymore and my son was doing all of our Christmas services and so I I had to be there with her and I was walking back and there was a sky bridge there and I sat down on that sky bridge and I I felt for the first time Joyce in the whole eight month process I felt overwhelmed I just was kind of come to the end of myself and I was sitting on that sky bridge and I began to pray and I I really believe that that I began to make enters the Holy Spirit began to make intercession through me yeah and I prayed just some very simple but powerful things and I and what it looking back on it now I realized that it really kind of set me down a good path and the first thing I prayed was I said I said you know father whatever happens here I said and I'm hoping you let her stay with Ray I said but whatever happens here I'm never going to ask you why I never going to question why I'm never going to ask you why and I never thought of that it just kind of came out and I heard him and then I said done expecting that I would say this I said because what happens here is not about me and you it's about you and her I said in whatever happens is between you and her we do try to get into things very frequently that really to be honest really just are not any of our business because there are personal things between an individual and God and certainly she probably drew very very extremely close to God she did during that time of discomfort that she was going through she's been I try to share with people all the time just the uselessness of having to know why about something that you're just not going to understand there are things in God that we just don't understand there are mysteries in God that we don't understand and a large part of our trust in God and our believing in God in our relationship with God is not just for when we get things the way we want them but when things happen that we don't understand yeah you know I I think that that there's a scripture in Psalms no members asked where it was you know where David said I don't concern myself with things more wanting to wonderful for me I'm familiar with and and I quit concerning myself with that it's not it's not literally the second thing I prayed was this is none of my business this is about you and her I did say to the Lord that day on the cross bridge I said I just want you to know in case you don't know that if she passes away you're gonna have to explain this to her because she's not going to come in there willingly yeah I heard you say that i teaching tape I was listening to that st. Peter probably had to pull her in because she's wanting to get him out and explain this to her at the gate you know so the second thing I said that night was you know she's always been your daughter and you loaned her to me as my wife but she lost she's always been your daughter and she'll always be your daughter you know just from your other people something that's coming up in my heart is I'm sure that there are people watching right now that thought well if I would have known that my loved one was saved I could be more comforted and but I just kind of feel led to tell you that you know you don't really know what happens to a person in the last few seconds of their life and even that you have to leave that between them and God and don't torment yourself over something that you're never going to to know or understand and I just want to reiterate here that I think this I know I talked to you just I don't know if it was the day after she died or two days after after the day after you called me in and I remember how just profoundly spiritually impressed if that's an okay word to use that I was when you told me that that you had told God I'll never ask you why because that is probably the number one thing that people do they demand having an answer to something that really they're not going to have an answer for I mean even if you figure something out that you think suits you it's not going to be a good answer and how wonderful it is to be able to say God even in this tragic thing that is so painful to me I trust you I looking back on it Joyce I think that was probably what set me down the path to where I am today that I I just and and I would love to take credit for it but it wasn't me it was the Holy Spirit a-and and I really believe that in making that decision that it it then opened me up to the future I didn't a because if I had stayed there I would still be locked back because I am convinced that I would still be asking God why and he wouldn't be saying a word to me right it's none of my business it's none of my business and it's not if what happened there was not about me and him it was about her in him it is very hard to understand why someone like Rochelle beautiful woman being used by God helping so many people just really in the prime of life would die and then you have people that are seemingly as mean as a snake yeah you know that just live on and on and on and on but one of the things we have to keep in mind is that God is a lot more concerned about eternity than we are sometimes and Rochelle's future for eternity was settled and a lot of these people who don't know Christ theirs is not and we need to thank God that he is more long-suffering with them and continues to give them an opportunity you know we're going to return and continue talking with Pastor Neiman we've got some some other very beautiful I think comforting things to share with you so be sure you stay with us well certainly losing someone that you love can feel overwhelming but God is our comforter and he will help us through the pain of our losses with me as pastor Charles Neiman well pastor we got a good start in the first few minutes of the program talking about how even though you had a terrible loss in your life of your wife of 45 years to that disease we all hate cancer that you made a very important decision early on actually before she passed away that you would never ask why now why don't you just continue on because I know there's a lot of people that are really hurting and that was a very important first step but what are some other things that you has helped you to recover I would say that that immediately in the next couple of weeks after she passed away that I'm basically looking back on it now it didn't come to me like this but looking back on it now and there's been like four major things that I've done and continue to do that have really just solidified my life my kids my church the first thing I knew when I was driving home that Sunday morning I was at the first service when our first Sunday morning service when she passed away she made me go to church in a church I laid that and so I was driving home and I had a few moments in the car by myself and I prayed kind of a Texas prayer and I said you know lord please don't let me screw this up you know hell actually that that's important I remember hearing that on your teachings and I kind of want to just explain to the people what you meant by that that as a believer as a man full of faith as a man leading other people and even just as our witness as a Christian what did you mean by don't let me screw this up well I I knew that I could not let my kids down I couldn't let Jesus down I couldn't let the kingdom down I couldn't let my congregation down I couldn't let my friends down you didn't all of a sudden want to act like you didn't believe what you've been teaching people all your life no I believe in the abundant life as much now as I ever have right and and that you know Jesus came to give me that life and came to give that life and that he loves you and this wouldn't happen because you did something wrong no I don't know why it happened it just happened it just happened that's right welcome to life God knows yeah and so you know I I just said you know I just don't let me I just I've seen people go through this and I've seen them collapse and lose their faith and turn away from God blame God and I I'm not I'm not gonna do that you know we have a legacy and and and and and I I have this relationship with Jesus that that I am NOT going to let anyone steal from me and Rochelle would be furious with me if I did and I'm not going to do it and so the first thing I knew number one I knew without the Lord having to say anything to me I already knew this that I had to get back in the house of God as soon as possible because Isaiah 40 verse 31 the King James text says they that wait upon the Lord but in the Hebrew it says they that gather together before the Lord shall renew their strength that's good I was exhausted mentally emotionally spiritually my kids were worn out my church was worn out my friends were worn out but me personally I was exhausted and yet as you know you can't call timeout you can't say hold it I'm gonna you know everything stopped going suspension while i recoup know what in 20 minutes I was going to be at home with my kids and they were there and they were grieving and my friends and I was going to tell the church and here it goes that all goes in a new direction now and and I was gonna have to step up Joyce I had no choice I had to step up I wasn't gonna start looking for someone else I had to step up I could not fail I could not fail that's good and I would not I'm much better than just thinking well now I have an excuse to just totally fall apart when I was in my car that day one of the things I prayed was I decided that in that car I said I'm not going to through life with a limp and I'm just good I'm not and so you know I got home that day and started doing the things of my family I needed to do and and the next night we were having our New Year's Eve service and you know I had people saying well you know who's going to do the service and I said well I am I'm going to do the service and and that people are like you're crazy and I said no I have to get in the house of God I have to go where the gathering the gathering the church is because there I will get my strength renewed there I will mount up with wings of eagles and I did that service I did the Wednesday night service I did the memorial service on Friday night I did all four weekend services and I haven't missed a service since and in fact I've done all my services at church and I've taken speaking engagements around American around the world not because I'm running from I'm running too I'm running to where the strength is what God raised in the house of God it's among God's people and then what were some of the other the second thing that happened to me was is that I I was I went back to John 11 where Jesus raised Lazarus and that incredible statement there where he said I am the resurrection and the life and you know I'm a unlike you I'm a teacher I'm always looking upwards and studying words and I looked up that word resurrection and Jesus said I am the stand-up and the recovery I am the stand-up and and and I realized for the first time in my life that when you get knocked down and I hear people say Oh pastor and they mean it they say pastor I just can't get up and I know that feeling I know that feeling and you can't by yourself can't and then I realized for the first time in my life I don't have to get up he's in me and if I will let him he will get up and when he gets up I'll get up with him he'll pull me up with him and so I was in my bedroom one night crying and feeling bad and hurting and I started meditating on that verse and and I just I got up out of my bed and I saw I purposefully imagined inside of me it wasn't like a vision I did it myself and I saw Jesus stand up and when he stood up I stood up that's good and that he is my recovery and then he said I am the resurrection and the life and the word lie means I am the life that satisfies dwelling in that life and I had to say this choice and and it was a very powerful statement and and I really pray people hear me when I say it because what I said then was I said on Sunday morning December the 30th Rochelle left me but he did not write and and I cannot say and we cannot say and I know why people say it I really do but I could not say I can't I can't live without her she did not give me life right he gives me life and she left but he did not and so I had to take that that burden off of her right that she was the one that I live for and I had to put it on him because he's the one that gives he's the life that's satisfied I think people even have to be careful about developing a mindset as the years go by that when my kids are my life are my spouse is my life are you know my ministry is my life or my business is my life because none of those are our life they're part of the life that God gives us but he is our life and I thought that was also a very good point that you made that we have to realize that it's not people who hold us up and keep us going they encouraged us they edify us we love them we enjoy them so they encouraged us but Jesus is our life he is that life that satisfies and and by reminding myself of that in a greater way than I've ever understood it then I was able to keep going forward and then the next thing was you know second Corinthians 11 it goes back to what happened to me on the skybridge but Paul makes that list of all the things that happened to him beaten right yeah you know all that amazing list and I was looking at it one night and I thought it only never said why me yeah you know and if there was ever anybody that could have said hey why me why not Peter you know Peter's the one that denied you right yeah you know what about Thomas why isn't Thomas getting beaten with rods why me you know I didn't I've never denied you right and he never said that he never said why me and I thought you know I'm not gonna say why me cuz it wasn't me it was Rochelle that's good that's for Kenny and then the last thing is you know he took me into first Samuel 30 with David it Ziklag and he was having a good you know a life was good David was doing good in chapter 29 he said he was living upright and and you know I've always known as you do that sometimes really crummy things happen to good people right you know right they just crummy things happen to good people they do things you can't explain can't explain and that day that malachite came in took their sons their daughters their wives burned their house took all three possessions horrible horrible day and it says that the the people turned against David you know they all wept until they could weep no more and then the men turned against David and they were going to stone him and it says because the hearts of all the men became bitter and you know joy I knew I knew from personal life experience the the danger of bitterness and you know there's two negative human emotions that are spoken of us having a route one is the love of money the other one's bitterness and roots as we know you know you plant a tree in the backyard the roots come up in the front yard and I've seen bitterness start in an area of life where people can justify it they can justify totally justify their bitterness but ten years twenty years that bitterness is spread into every area of their life you know the dictionary defines bitterness as intense hostility right and people become hostile they become angry and they begin to take it out and you end up 15 20 years nobody's around you anymore nobody wants to be there that they still love you but they don't want to be around you anymore and I I think David saw that I saw that and I and I've had guys asked me so you know how you dealing with bitterness and I said I don't have anything to be bitter about that's good you know this didn't happen to me it happened to Rochelle I wasn't the one that went to the treatment I wasn't the one that that's had the surgery I wasn't the one that's not here anymore yeah I'm still here with my grandkids or my family with my friends with my church I'm still here although I bet she's happier than we are today I hope so I'm sure I'm sure in the presence of God that she's happy dancing like crazy you know said Charles we're running out of time here so I want to just make a couple of comments here to bring comfort to the people that are watching you know God is a God of justice and I love that aspect of God's character that no matter what unjust thing may have happened to you or like you if you will keep the right attitude and not get bitter I'd say why me not get into why God why God will bring justice in your life I can promise you it's another way of sin God will make it up to you you know I was abused in my childhood and God is so made it up to me and I've already heard you say a couple times and some really great things have happened to you just God's Way of showing I'm gonna I'm gonna make this up to you I'm going to help you Charles thank you so much for being with us today we're thank you and thank you for being with us today we hope the program has helped you god bless you you

Channel: Joyce Meyer Ministries

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Rating: 4.8411326 out of 5

Keywords: joyce meyer overcoming pain of losing loved one, overcoming pain of losing loved one, overcoming loss of loved one, how to overcome grief loss of a loved one, overcoming grief and loss, joyce meyer, joyce meyer preaching, joyce meyer sermons, joyce meyer teaching, joyce meyer youtube, joyce meyers, joyce meyers ministries, charles nieman, pastor charles nieman, how to overcome the pain of losing a loved one, how to overcome pain of death, how to overcome loss of loved one

Id: p_RoRpmD8eE

Length: 24min 56sec (1496 seconds)

Published: Mon May 19 2014