Greg Davies' Cleaner RUNS His Life | Russell Howard's Wonderbox

so let's let's have the first thing you want to put in the Box the first thing that means the world to you I've actually currently lost it and I it's in my it's in my home somewhere and I haven't done a deep dive because I'm worried I've I'm worried it has gone right or that my um incredibly efficient uh all almost military J cleaning lady may have decided she makes a lot of decisions about my life my cleaning lady right and she may have decided that I should no longer have that in my life and I'm worried it's gone I've told you about the pan right you haven't told me about the pan strap yourself okay my CLE my cleaning lady she's awesome she's um Romanian she doesn't speak she barely speaks a word of English but we have a I think a genuine friendship it's it's one of physical sign language right but I really think we get on yes but she sometimes makes hard decisions about my life without consulting me right I went to Spain a few years ago and I had some Pella and then obviously I indulged in some fanciful idea that I was going to cook Pella for my friends as if I have my friends around the house never mind cook Pella yeah which is a big dish Madness oh so I bought a Pella dish and I mean can we swear on this yeah cuz can that's [ __ ] massive like this yeah like a satellite dish yeah and I managed just about to get it into the big draw but how how did you get it back from Spain oh I bought it in England oh few right yeah yeah I came back I was going to say yeah yeah I came back this country is great I came back with wild IDE ideas of Spanish cookery I don't even like Spanish food I don't even like P I just like the idea of the fanciful notion of friends sitting around a table and me presenting a big thing with prawns and bubbling rice and everyone go oh God Greg's you know he's not just a one-dimensional comic pleas this whole Hinterland of Spanish the P Piper P exactly the the travel P I forgot what I was going to say anyway so I bought this giant pan I had to empty the big draw to get it in and then put stuff back on it right anyway obviously months maybe even years pass maybe two years pass yeah and then I was having some mates train and normally when my mates come down around we just get drunk like we're teenage and I thought I'm make a Pella can so I went to the big drawer it's gone yeah right and and for it to have gone loads of pans would have had to have been removed and the P dish removed and there's nowhere else for it to go in the flat so I have a a quick look around nothing anyway my cleaning lady comes back in I don't think she'd mind me saying this her name's Chi-Chi okay she comes in on on the a lot of day and um I all right Chi [ __ ] now well no she doesn't speak English she do we just make noises at each other yeah that's not me insulting the Romanians no no no but yeah and I went I went are you all right she yeah and I I went you haven't seen my um you haven't seen my um P pipan have you and she went and so I went to the big drawer and I opened it and I pointed and I mined the big pile of pan and she suddenly realized she went ah yeah and I went oh where where is it and she pointed at my bin and she went and I went you you threw it away and she went e and I love her so much you know I get on so wer and and she does such a beautiful job for me yeah I just went okay yeah that was it end of my end of my Bella cooking career but I still don't know why she threw it away it was brand new is it because she wanted you to focus on the dreams you're capable of you'd have to ask her in Romanian yeah exactly I'll have her on Chichi um what do you do I absolutely love her yeah she's got I've got my um I tried to help her lifting something recently yeah she was lifting something I can't remember what but it was heavy and I thought I'll help and I I reached down to help her probably a slow cooker into a [ __ ] SK it was getting choed away it was I was going to say I went down to this and her hand grabbed my hand to stop me from helping and I looked down at her and she she let him closer she went chich is strong you think I'm making up I'm not making up it's I it's too perfect it's it's the hand on the wrist on my life strong on my life oh God [ __ ] hell yeah what a glorious dance I'll tell that isn't even the first thing is chi going in the Box no because she'd climb out she should do that she'd climb out she's strong yeah like Bane from Batman I'll tell your listeners now if you're if you're planning to see my next standup show you know G's going to feature so lovely so uh you know don't come I do go it'll be fantastic ch's opening what's the first thing you put in uh the thing I think that might have been cheed as it's known in my household it is um a brass fish um it's grotesque actually it's a fist size and it's got a big gaping mouth and it's um um an ashtray yeah that my Welsh grandmother used to have um on the side of uh her um fireplace hidden so you if you looked for it you would see the lips of the fish poking out from the side of the thing yeah and it was because she was a God-fearing woman and uh she she mistakenly believed that everyone including the local um Minister um didn't think she smoked of course everyone knew she smoked because she stank yeah of smoke and her house St her house was Tiny I'm going to sneeze Russ let we go and her house stank of smoke and the sort of protocol was if anyone knocked on the door there would be pandemonium in the front room when we were kids and she would be I'm going to sneeze wow powerful is it it was lovely Shake um yeah she would just run around that was like d that was like derekica Kora like it was wasn't it it was the way he sort of he sensed it it wasn't like there was a good 10 second you knew what was going on yeah and you found the spirit maybe it was the spirit of my grandmother could not wanting me to tell the world that she smoked for her whole life that sneeze smells like nicotine she's in the room her and Chi-Chi are in the room so so she had this kind of fish so she had this this fish that she would Ram the cigarette into that she was smoking for fear it was mainly the local Minister from the chapel yeah um and I just have such vivid memories I I loved her you know she was hilarious woman and um I I have such memories of the Frantic pantomime of of stubbing a [ __ ] out in and it badly designed for stubb in cuz the fish lips aren't wide enough yeah yeah yeah so she burnt her fingers every time and then she'd get her apron off and be like like cowboy lassoing it around the head to try and move the smoke around the room it was just this wonderful pantomine surely get like a porceline hippo Al something that's got like a gap in M yeah something but like that's got a bit of girth yeah yeah and when you have how old are you hear seven eight what oh yeah throughout I mean throughout my childhood from my earliest memory is of being around that house and seeing the fish utilized in that panic-stricken way and did you and everyone knew she smoked yeah in the village everyone knew who she was cuz she used to she used to be the N the nurse for the area she used to I've got so many stories about her R Us we could do the whole thing on this on what it's wonderful Let It Go she used to be um the woman who laid out corpses in the village yeah she's a woman that you called if someone if your husband had died in new Bron in near rexam in North Wales yeah now made famous by Ryan Reynolds you know yeah um I if someone had died anti Ed that's what she was known as was a a nurse trained nurse she would come around and plug up the corpses plug up it's called laying out but they call it plugging up no I made that up it's called it's called laying out what laying out is is cleaning the court and then plugging up all the orifices so there's no wow you know no spillage before they get popped in the coffin Jesus let's get quite personal do you think she ever popped a cigarette up her a mouth or her ear I think she was very respectful of the Dead

Channel: Russell Howard

Views: 251,486

Keywords: Russell Howard, Russel Howard, Russell Howard Hour, Russell Howard Good News, Russell Howard Full Episodes, Paul Chowdry, Mo Gilligan, greg davies, taskmaster, task master, Alex horne, new, podcast, interview, story, funny, funny story, stand up, tour, live

Id: fLhMHaAla-4

Length: 9min 33sec (573 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 17 2024