When you're in a small talk
conversation in English, how can you be sure that your answers
to common small talk questions are just right? On my Speak Confident
English, YouTube channel, I've recently received this comment
about answering small talk questions in English. I'm good with asking
questions that initiate conversation, but I always get nervous and
tripped up when it's my turn to answer and share about myself. Do you ever feel the same way
in English speaking culture? What exactly is expected
from you in a small talk conversation and how do you find
the right balance between adding the appropriate amount of
detail? Without saying too much? I've got answers to those
questions for you coming right up. Now, if you don't already know, I'm
Annemarie with Speak Confident English, everything I do is designed to help you
get the confidence you want for your life and work in English. One way I do that is by sharing
my Confident English lessons. Every Wednesday in these lessons, I share my top confidence and
fluency building strategies, advanced level vocabulary, and
training on communication skills. Just like in this lesson
today, while you're here, make sure that you subscribe to my
Speak Confident English channel. So you never miss one of
my weekly lessons. Now, before we get to great answers to
small talk questions in English, if you're struggling with what
kinds of questions to ask in a small talk conversation, I have
multiple lessons available for you. In fact, my lessons on English, small talk questions are some of my
most popular lessons here on YouTube. I'll share links to several of them
in the notes below, but for today, let's shift our focus to the answers. How do you give great answers to
small talk questions in English? When it comes to having a successful
small talk conversation in English, there are three key questions
you need to consider. Number one, what is expected of you in the
conversation based on who you're speaking to and the situation you're
in consideration, number two, how much do you share in
a small talk conversation? How can you be sure to give
just the right amount of detail? Not saying too much and not saying too
little and consideration number three, how do you find ideas of what to
say so that you don't feel stuck in the middle of the conversation? Let's walk through each of those
considerations with key strategies, important knowhow and
example answers to common, small talk questions in English. So
that by the end of this lesson today, you have absolute clarity on
how to respond successfully to small talk questions in English.
So let's start at the beginning. What exactly is expected
of you in a small talk conversation? This is an ideal time to
remember that language is culture in English, speaking culture. Small talk is a form of politeness. It's an opportunity to recognize
the humanity of someone else. Small talk is also a way to
establish a connection with others. It allows us to tip toe into
a deeper relationship or a deeper conversation if there's
a connection and last but not least small talk is
a quick conversation with back and forth or give
and take. In other words, I ask you a question. You give me a
quick answer. You ask me a question. I give you a quick answer
and we go back and forth. No one dominates the conversation. And this leads me to
what small talk is not small talk is not a profound
or lengthy conversation. There's no expectation that
you have a long story prepared and you don't need to worry about having
advanced level grammar structures or high level vocabulary.
Small talk is simple, quick and easy
conversation. And of course, small talk is typically a conversation
we have with people we don't know very well. For example, a colleague that
you see at the office regularly, but you don't have a
close relationship with. It may be a professional
peer at a networking event
or a neighbor who lives down the street or small talk
might be a polite conversation with an absolute stranger, someone
that you're never going to see again, for example, a woman at the
checkout counter in a grocery store, your Uber driver, a dental hygienist or someone you're
sitting next to on a three hour flight. So with all of that in mind, here are four things you need to
know about what is expected of you in a small talk conversation
in English. Number one, it's expected that you are present
in the conversation and that you're polite. That means no looking at your phone
or trying to ignore the other person. Number two, it's expected
that you give and take. This means to have a quick
exchange of question and answer. No one is dominating. No one is giving lengthy
stories and preferably no one is giving one word answers. The third expectation is that you
listen carefully to help you find connections. And finally, the fourth expectation is
that you are prepared to share something about yourself. It doesn't have to be deeply
personal or too serious, but you do need to be ready to
share details about yourself, about your life, because this is how connections
are made before we get into talking about how much should
you really say in a small talk conversation. Let me give you a quick example of
a real small talk conversation I had recently that demonstrates
these expectations. And in this example, I'm actually going to use a question
that I recommend in my lesson titled easy, social, small talk questions. This small talk conversation
happened just a few days ago. When I returned home from a trip, I
got into a car and said to the driver, it's rush hour in DC right now, which
I know is always super stressful. How's your day going so far
with a short, easy response. The driver said it's been pretty easy,
but I've had a lot of airport trips. Are you coming to DC for a
visit or are you coming home? My quick response coming home, I was just out of town for a few days to
visit family, but I'm glad to be home. What about you? Are you a DC native and his
response to that actually I'm from Mongolia, but I've been living here
in DC for the last seven years. Let me stop here with that example, do you notice that every
response was short and simple and every response ended with a
question for the other person, there was clear, polite,
back and forth happening. And each question asked was
related to what had been previously said, demonstrating that each of us was
listening to the other person carefully, as you probably noticed. There
were also a few personal details, nothing too serious.
However, in my answers, I shared that I was coming home to DC
and I had recently been traveling to see family in a moment. We're going to come back to this
conversation because after those first initial small talk questions,
I had a choice to make. I could either bring the conversation
to a polite close and spend the rest of the time in the car, on
my phone checking email, or I could continue the
conversation. But for now, this is the perfect time to transition
to the second key consideration we talked about earlier, how much information should you
share with the person you're speaking to? What is too much and what
is not enough to answer this correctly and to ensure a
successful conversation. There are three things we
need to think about first. What is your relationship with
the person you're speaking to? Are you speaking to someone
who is a total stranger? Is it a vague acquaintance or is
it a coworker that you see daily, but don't know very well. The second thing you want to think about
when determining how much to share is the specific situation or
context that you're in, is it a random conversation in the
middle of a busy street or during a busy time at the grocery store? Or are you at a networking event
trying to build a relationship? Are you just passing time using small
talk as a form of entertainment? For example, just before
a business meeting starts. And the third thing to think about
when determining how much to share is how much time are you going
to have with this person? Are you just passing by someone
you kind of know on the street, are you sitting next to a stranger on
an airplane for the next three hours? Or is it a quick Monday morning
conversation at work while you're pouring yourself a cup of coffee, these details will impact
the extent to which you share and what kind of details
you include when responding to small talk questions in English, we're going to take a look at a few
different examples and how we might adjust our answers based on these different
scenarios. But before we do, here are some helpful
guidelines to think about. If the individual you're speaking to or
initiating small talk conversation with is a complete stranger, it's better to keep your
answers broader or more general. Particularly at the beginning, remember that small talk is intended
to be polite, easy and simple. So there's no need to rush into
anything too personal it's best to stay light. This is why you'll often hear
English speakers start small talk conversations about the weather,
no matter where you are. It can be in line at the coffee shop, checking out at the grocery store or
talking to someone at the doctor's office. However, if the person you're
speaking to is someone that, you know, maybe not very well, but
a coworker or a neighbor, then it's definitely
appropriate to include family details, personal details, or maybe even give answers that
get into how you feel about something or what your opinion
might be. In other words, the stronger connection
you have with someone, the more details you might add, and the more personal you might
be to demonstrate this and to look at how we might adjust our answers. Let's use another example from
my less entitled, easy social, small talk questions. If you've already
reviewed that lesson, then you know, a common way to start a small talk
conversation is to begin with a compliment followed by a question recently, one of my students experienced
this here in the United States, she's from Brazil and she
was visiting New York city. While walking down a busy street, a total stranger came up to her and
said, oh my gosh, I love your shoes. Where'd you get them in that moment? My student wasn't really sure
what to say or how to respond. Why is this total stranger in
the middle of New York city, talking with her and starting a
conversation to help us think about how to respond in a
polite, appropriate way. Let's use our three considerations, the relationship with the person you're
in the situation and the length of time. In this example, we have a complete
stranger on a busy New York street. Clearly there isn't a lot of
time to get into an in depth conversation. In fact, there isn't much time to give
very many details at all, but there is the expectation
for a polite response in this context, an appropriate
answer might be thank you so much. Unfortunately, I didn't get them here
in the United States and that's it. At that point, the light
might change to green. Everybody starts walking and there's
really not an opportunity to ask another question or have any sort
of back and forth. However, a small talk conversation did
happen. It was easy, simple, and polite. Now let's change
this scene just a little bit. This time you're at work making coffee
on Monday morning in the break room, one of your coworkers walks in and says
exactly the same thing. Oh my gosh, I love your shoes. Where'd
you get them this time? You know the person you're at work,
where you see each other regularly, and you probably have a few minutes
together because you're waiting for the coffee to brew because of
this closer relationship. And because you have a bit more time, an appropriate answer to that
question would be thanks so much. I just got 'em last week at Macy's and
they're so comfortable for standing around all day on my feet
at work. What about you? What are your go-to shoes
for work? In this example, we have a bit more detail where you
got the shoes and why you like them. And we have a polite related
question for back and forth. We're inviting the other
person into the conversation. What makes this exchange
successful is first we've avoided a one word answer. Short answers such as yes, no thanks. Good. These answers lead to
awkward moments of silence, uncomfortable conversations,
and disappointing experiences. In this response, we also avoided giving too much detail or dominating the conversation. There were no long stories about
the lines at Macy's or forgetting a wallet in the car.
It was a short, quick, polite response with just
one or two key details. And that's all you need. If you're someone who
loves a good formula, you just want to know exactly
how much you need to say. Considering just one or
two details is enough. It's important to know
that in small talk again, the expectation is that it
is quick back and forth. If someone wants to know more
about your experience or your story or your ideas, your opinions,
they will ask for more. So keeping your answers short, simple, and polite is all you need. Before we talk about that last
key consideration of how you can identify details to share so that
you don't feel stuck in the middle of a conversation. Let's talk
about small talk questions. When you have a lot
more time. For example, those 15 minute Uber drives
or a three hour flight in the last two examples, I shared a busy New York street and
while making coffee at the office, it was clear that there wasn't a lot
of time for conversation. However, when driving to an airport across the
city or sitting next to someone on a flight, it's clear that
you have a lot of time. And in these situations you have two
options after some of that initial small talk. If it occurs first, you can bring the conversation
to a polite close, and I'll give you a few examples
of how to do that in a moment. Your second option is to
keep the conversation going, perhaps in those first small
talk questions, you find
an interesting connection. You're enjoying the conversation.
So you keep going further. At the beginning of this lesson
today, I shared a recent example. I had of a conversation on my way home. After arriving in DC, the Uber driver had just shared that
he was originally from Mongolia, but had been living in DC
for the last seven years. If I had wanted to bring
that conversation to a close, here are a few polite phrases
I could use to do that. Wow, that's really interesting. I hope
that you've enjoyed being here in DC. If you don't mind, I'm gonna take the last few minutes
to catch up on my work email because I missed quite a bit while
I was on the flight. Or if you're sitting next to someone
on an airplane after the first few minutes of a small talk conversation, you might wanna go back to your
book or just listen to some music. That's usually what I like to do. So here are some ways I bring
those conversations to a close. I hope you have fun visiting
your family. If you don't mind, I'm gonna try to get a nap for
the remainder of the flight. I had to get up super early
today. And then from there, you can put on your headphones, close your eyes and not worry
about continuing the conversation. A third polite option to
close a conversation would be, it sounds like you had a great time on
your vacation. I'm glad to hear it. Well, if you don't mind, I'm
gonna get back to my book. I don't get a lot of free time to myself. So I relish these opportunities on
flights to get into a good novel. And from there, you can get your
book out and get back to reading. However, as I said, if you found a connection and you
want to keep the conversation going, you can certainly do that by asking
continued small talk questions. And as those connections get stronger, the questions you ask might get a
bit more personal or more in depth. And now our third key consideration
for how to give great answers to small talk questions in
English is how exactly do you get ideas for what to say so
that you don't feel stuck? I have three quick tips for
you on this one. Number one, use question words, number two, share bite sized information.
And number three, add hooks with conjunctions to expand. Let's take a look at each of those a
bit more in depth with tip number one, use question words. Those are w H and H words such as who, what, when, where, why,
how, how many, how often, how long and so on when
someone asks you a small talk question, for example, if your neighbor says your
garden looks beautiful, what's your secret to
growing healthy plants? A response could be thanks so much. I guess I've always had a bit of a
green thumb. When I was growing up. My family had a big garden. One thing I learned is to
never over water your plants. What about you? Are you
a gardener? Similarly, if someone asks you about what
you do for fun in your free time, a response might be, well, I don't
get a whole lot of time to myself, but when I do, I try to stay
offline for the last few years. I've been learning to
paint. What about you? What do you do when you have
time in each of these examples? I'm sharing just one or two
key details in the answer. And I'm finishing with a question and
this brings me to tip number three, add a hook with conjunctions
to expand a hook is something you say to
keep someone's attention. It's what you say to engage someone
or to keep them listening to you. And conjunctions are
words such as because so, and since four, but when we use these, it helps us to add that next
detail into the sentence. For example, if someone
asks you how you're doing, you can avoid a one word answer
by using a conjunction in one of these example, sentence starters. My day's been great because
I'm doing pretty well since it's been a little difficult
because it's going great. Thanks. I'm looking forward to it
and it could be better. But with each of those, it's clear that more information
should follow those conjunctions. When we use them, it helps us
to add those important details. If we review the last two example
answers I shared with you, you'll notice I used conjunctions in both. And the first one about
growing healthy plants I used, because I guess I have a bit
of a green thumb because, and then I continued with my
details in the second one. I said, well, I don't have a lot
of free time to myself. So, and then once again, I continued with my detail when it
comes to providing great answers, to small talk questions in English
and having a successful conversation. Here are the four key things I want
you to remember from today's lesson. Small talk is polite,
easy, quick conversation. While you're having the conversation. It's important to reflect on the
relationship you have with the individual, how much time you have together
and the situation you're in. It's important to keep
your answers detailed. But brief one to two
details is more than enough. And if someone wants to know
more, they'll ask lastly, you can activate ideas and avoid
getting stuck by using question words, to help you and use conjunctions, to expand your answer with that. You have everything you need to know
about what is expected of you and how to have fantastic small talk
conversations in English. If you found this lesson helpful
to you today, I would love to know. You can tell me in two
simple ways. Number one, give this lesson a thumbs up
here on YouTube and number two, subscribe to this channel. So
you don't miss my future lessons. Thank you so much for joining me today. And I look forward to
seeing you next time.
