>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY! FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT DOES WHAT
I DO BUT WITH A CHARMING ACCENT. PLEASE WELCOME THE HOST OF "THE
GRAHAM NORTON SHOW," GRAHAM NORTON! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) >> HI, EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOW! DID THEY ALL GOOGLE ME BEFORE I
CAME OUT? THEY SEEM TO KNOW WHO I AM! >> Stephen: WE HANDED OUT
PAMPHLETS. >> INFO SHEETS. >> Stephen: EVERYBODY KNOWS. THEY WATCH YOU ONLINE. >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. LOVELY TO SEE YOU. >> Stephen: I ADMIRE YOUR
SHOW, YOUR SKILL, BUT I ADMIRE ON YOUR TELEVISION YOU CAN WEAR
COLORFUL THINGS. YOU LOOK LOVELY. >> THIS I BOUGHT MYSELF. THIS IS MODEL'S OWN. >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW EVEN
KNOW WHERE I GOT MY GLASSES. ( LAUGHTER )
>> YOU LOOK SHARP, THOUGH. >> Stephen: SO DO YOU. THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOU
SAID ONE OF THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE SHOWS IN ENGLAND AND
OVER HERE, YOUR SHOW AND MY SHOW, YOU GET YOUR GUESTS BOOZED
UP. >> NOT BOOZED UP. WE OFFER THEM. IS THIS STILL WATER? >> Stephen: IT IS. BUT WE HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THAT'S A WELCOME! I'D LOVE SOME! >> Stephen: THIS IS SOME OF
THAT -- >> HAVE YOU GOT ICE OR ARE YOU
LIKE ANIMALS? >> Stephen: ONE CUBE OF ICE
WILL BE VERY EUROPEAN. >> NICE. ARE YOU RATIONING ICE NOW? >> Stephen: NO, I DON'T WANT
TO FREAK YOU OUT BY HAVING MORE THAN ONE ICE CUBE. THERE YOU GO. >> WHAT IS THIS? >> Stephen: ICE. IT'S WHAT SANK THE TITANIC. ( LAUGHTER )
>> WE SHOULD STEER CLEAR. OOOH! >> Stephen: HERE WE GO. TO TALKING FOR A LIVING. >> YES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> Stephen: THAT IS TASTY. IT IS WEIRD THAT TWO TALK
SHOW HOSTS SHOULDN'T MEET. THIS IS LIKE DOGS SNIFFING
AROUND EACH OTHER. IT'S KIND OF WRONG. >> Stephen: YOU SMELL
DELIGHTFUL, I MUST SAY. I PROMISE NOT TO HUMP YOUR LEG. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU LIVE IN THE U.K. >> I DO. >> Stephen: CAN YOU EXPLAIN
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER THERE? BECAUSE WE'VE ALL BEEN WATCHING,
LIKE, QUESTIONS OF THE PRIME MINISTER, WE'VE ALL BEEN
WATCHING PARLIAMENT FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS, IT'S ABSOLUTE CHAOS. >> IT'S NUTS. YOU DON'T NORMALLY SEE THAT. YOU DON'T NORMALLY SEE THE
INSIDE OF PARLIAMENT WHERE IT IS ABSOLUTE BEDLAM. BUT I THINK THE UNITED KINGDOM
WAS EMBARRASSED FOR AMERICA, FELT LIKE YOU'RE ALL ALONE OUT
ON THE WORLD STAGE, SO WE FOUND OUR OWN ANGRY CABBAGE PATCH KID,
AND -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
-- AND MADE HIM THE LEADER. IT'S INCREDIBLE! IT'S, LIKE, YOU KNOW THE G7,
SUDDENLY YOU FELT LIKE DON HAS A FRIEND. THEY CAN HANG OUT TOGETHER. IT'S, LIKE, A PLAY DATE. >> Stephen: BORIS JOHNSON
LOOKS LIKE SUCH A CHEAP KNOCK OFF OF DONALD TRUMP THAT HE
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE IN TIMES SQUARE PRETENDING TO BE DONALD
TRUMP TO GET YOUR PHOTO WITH OUT THERE. ( APPLAUSE )
>> I WOULDN'T TRUST HIM TO WATER MY PLANTS WHILE AWAY BUT HE'S
THE PRIME MINISTER. >> Stephen: EXPLAIN THIS --
I SO CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS ANYTHIN >> Stephen: THE PRIME MINISTER
IS THE LEADER OF MAJORITY IN PARLIAMENT BUT HE LOST HIS
MAJORITY TWO DAYS AGO. WH STILL THE PRIME
MINISTER? WHAT HE CLEVERLY DID IS SAID IF
ANYONE VOTES AGAINST ME IN MY PARTY, I WILL FIRE YOU. >> Stephen: KICK YOU OUT OF
THE PARTY. >> YES. THEY DID VOTE AGAINST HIM AND HE
FIRED THEM. SO HIS MAJORITY GETS LESS AND
LESS. IT'S LIKE HE'S DRILLING HOLES IN
HIS OWN SHIP OUT OF SPITE. I'LL SHOW YOU, AND, LOOK,
THERE'S A WORD CALLED PAROGUE, WHICH IS LIKE SHUTTING DOWN THE
PARLIAMENT. >> Stephen: NO ONE'S HEARD
THIS WORD BEFORE. >> YOU FEEL LIKE THE QUEEN
DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE WORD. ONE SHOULD PAROGUE? IS THAT THE ONE WITH THE FINGER? ( LAUGHTER )
I. >> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW IT
WAS ANYTHING SHE COULD DO LEGALLY. I THOUGHT SHE WAS A NICE TOURIST
TRAP. >> SHE IS. SHE HAS TO SAY YES. SHE CAN'T SAY NO. SHE'S THE QUEEN. >> Stephen: NOW YOU HAVE YOUR
SECOND NOVEL TH "THE KEEPER." WHERE DO YOU FIND THE TIME TO
WRITE A NOVEL? >> THIS IS MY HOBBY. THIS ISN'T MY JOB, I'M NOT A
NOVELIST. >> Stephen: ARE THERE THINGS
YOU LIKE MORE ABOUT THIS THAN ACTUALLY DOING A TALK SHOW? >> WELL, THERE'S THE THING --
YOU KNOW THIS -- THAT IN ANYTHING WE DO, THERE HAS TO BE
A MEETING. >> Stephen: SURE. YOU AT THE SIDE VERY LITTLE. >> Stephen: EXACTLY. UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE. >> YES, UNTIL NOW. SO IT'S JUST THAT THIS IS A
SOLITAIRE OCCUPATION, AND I LOVE THAT. I LOVE BEING IN A ROOM BY MYSELF
IN THE WORLD WITH THESE CHARACTERS, THE BOOKS ARE SET IN
IRELAND, AND, YOU KNOW, I SPEND MY SUMMERS THERE, SO IT'S QUITE
NICE TO BE IN LONDON, IN MY OFFICE, AND GOING BACK TO
IRELAND IN MY HEAD. >> Stephen: PRETENDING IT'S
LOVELY. >> THIS HELPS, TOO. >> Stephen: DOESN'T IT THOUGH? CHEERS
>> STEPHEN: "A KEEPER" IS AVAILABLE NOW. GRAHAM NORTON, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
