It’s crazy, I’m loving it Living the American life
it’s crazy I actually learned to drive out here
which was fun Had to get a car obviously Which I just almost couldn’t get Had to fill out form and they want your credit because in America credit is very important I don’t understand the concept I went to the car dealership and
there was this Asian gentleman helping me And we are going through the forms
and he says How long have you lived in America for? I said
I haven’t lived here for long He said oh
this no good for you, this no good for you I said
what do you mean You can not lease car in America unless
you been here long time Because you don’t have credit okay I said well I’ve got the money to pay for it He says
yes that’s not the point okay That’s not the point
in America okay In this country we want credit okay Our country focus on credit If you got good credit you can buy anything We don’t care about money
we want credit I said
credit is the assumption that you can pay He’s like no that don’t count here okay In our country if you got good credit
you can buy anything okay His like our country
our country and I was like Look I hate to be rude
but when you say our country Do you mean our
because you live here now Or our
because the Chinese own it And he was like
ah it’s a bit of both okay But no credit no car for you
goodbye I couldn’t just buy myself a car this horrible thing, drive around and that's the worst thing,
driving in America, wow on the other side of the road you feel like a rebel you know until you see the other cars
coming and then it's not so much fun you know how many times I did
that, just going to the wrong side? Ugh! and don’t trust movies,
it's not easy to do that whole thing No people don’t just
drive, no they stop they just look at you,
"what are you doing!" In the movies you drive past.
"what are you doing!" no they don’t drive, they just
wait for you to turn around and the streets are so small,
you're doing one of those turns just watching them and
you're ashamed, its horrible I had to practice for months, it was the worst I remember I drove into a street once I thought I had learned, it had been
months and I'd been doing it well and then I turned into the wrong way and I saw this little old
Asian lady driving towards me and I was like, "No!" and there was nobody else
so I swerved the car around I was like woo, yeah, hero! and I drove and there where 50
cars coming this way and I was like, Ugh you bitch!
Ugh! and funny, I told my friend this story I told him like this,
I was like this is what happened and he was like, "Ah, that's so funny man,
that's so funny and he asks who was driving the car? I said a little old Asian lady He's like, "Oh yeah,
you cant say that man, you cant you cant say that.
I said, what do you mean? He's like,
yeah you cant say she's Asian I said why not? He's like,"yeah,
because that's racist." I said what, that she's Asian? He's like, "No, if she's a bad driver and you say she's
Asian, that's racist." I was like,
so let me get this straight Asian's are not allowed
to be called bad drivers? is this not racism in it self? everyone else is allowed
the world of bad drivers but if I'm driving on the
freeway behind an Asian person and they are swerving around and I go,
this bad driver you drive like crap! and I pull up next to them like Oh no, sorry, ha ha you're not a bad driver, you're just Asian I'm sorry isn’t it racism in it self? it's madness so now what I had to do
to get around is use a GPS I decided to get one of those first I tried to be a cheapskate I thought get a phone with a GPS it was a horrible mistake bought myself one of
those I phones with Siri your assistant she talks to
you, she listens to you if you're American she does not understand
one word I say I don’t understand
why, I speak English I'm there talking to her
(sound) She's like, what do you need? I'm like Siri, please call Peter you want pizza? No, no, cancel, cancel Siri, I need Peter "you want pizza?"
No, Siri, Siri? I want Peter not Pizza "You want pizza?"
No, no No Siri, what's going on here You want to, Peter, Siri,
Siri, Peter, Siri, Siri "You are not making sense."
Siri, are you having a attitude at me? "you tell me"
I don’t know what the hell is going on here Siri, just listen to me "I don’t know"
What do you mean you don’t know? Siri just, ah bitch! Ugh! "Dialing mom"
What the hell?! It's just horrible that's when I had to buckle
down and get myself a real GPS to get me around. which has been working like a charm if you don’t have a
GPS, get yourself one it's the best thing you'll ever do just don’t make the mistake I
made, and buy it from Craigslist I bought one of Craigslist but the guy who sold
it to me didn’t tell me that it was a Spanish language GPS which is not so good I didn’t understand anything she says I still get around because the
arrows are in English, thank God but otherwise it was just horrible and I hated it the first few
days, and then and then I fell in love with
her, she's just you know I don’t understand why more
Americans don’t speak Spanish it's such a sexy language I’m just sitting there, and all the men
in here you want to feel like a man you get yourself a Spanish GPS Oh no, you don’t understand traffic never sounded sexier, just like I'd just punch in random
destinations and she guides me around She's like
(GPS sound) (GPS Speaking Spanish) (GPS Speaking Spanish) and I'm just like, ha, ha, ha ha, ha, oh shucks Tomtom,
ha, ha don’t say that all the time, ha, ha it's just sexy you know she guides me around, it's beautiful I love that, I'm going to
learn Spanish because of that Definitely,
Spanish has gone up on my list I had a few languages and
Spanish was like the 6th language I spoke 4 languages in South Africa and then the 5th language
was going to be Japanese and then Spanish,
but now Spanish has gone up Japanese I've had to pause because of the earthquake, there's
not that many of them traveling now it's just sad,
there's like no one now they used to walk around the
streets, you know but Spanish has gone up because I was getting good at
Japanese, don’t get me wrong I was getting really good you know and it's a great
language, it's powerful because you speak Japanese from
your chest it makes you feel strong (Speaking Japanese) very strong where as English you
speak from the head and the chest do you know what I mean? your head and chest you wouldn’t know this you wouldn’t know this if you listened
to many coastal girls in America like I've been in places
like California where woman insist on speaking English from their nose which is not the correct way "like oh my God you guys gonna like do this and I was like there with Tiffany
and we where talking and then" that's not the right way,
you're not using your lungs I know this because when I choked her she sounded exactly the same She's there and she's like "Oh my God you're like
totally choking me right now and I cant breath and this is so not on,
I'm gonna Tweet about this this is like the worst thing ever I am so dying, OMG" you know, it's horrible where Japanese is strong Japanese you speak from the
chest, you know a lot of Americans are
learning Chinese I see you know, I see people like "you gotta learn Chinese they are taking over, Chinese Ne hao ma! she shing nei Sha Nez" it's too late to learn Chinese, it's over No its true, because it's also one
of the hardest languages in the world I mean how do you learn Chinese now? they've got over 10 thousand characters
in their alphabet, you know this? 10 thousand characters we've got 26 in English and there's still people
going what comes after Q twenty six this is you know, 10 they have got
that's super smart they must have the worst
sesame street in the world it must suck being a Muppet in that country see them on a Monday
morning singing to the kids (singing in Chinese) 5 years later (singing in Chinese) it's just horrible Horrible
