Girls Poop Too…Kinda I The LoPriore Podcast

the name of our holy lord jesus christ yeah i just want to say one thing nothing can stop me when you're on my side dear lord daniel 3 16 says let jesus hold you because he has the best arms in the world don't freak with jesus so you catch the crap don't freak with jesus jesus o'clock don't freak with jesus nah don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus better watch your lips when it come to jesus drop to your knees pray dr jesus amen everybody knows yeah it's jesus time damn look at the rollie it's jesus time no jesus got my hands jesus got my back jesus jesus got my d jesus got my sad jesus jesus got my heart jesus got my tits jesus jesus everyday jesus in his [ __ ] don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus nah don't freak with jesus nah you know what it is for jesus i don't care about the women in the pool of jesus yeah i be swimming i don't care if they attractive and fine i wanna go to church and drink crackers and wine hallelujah and swish it in my mouth make for swisher jesus all day coming from down south to the north i don't give a shark i don't curse in the lame of the lord don't curse um don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus nobody here gonna ever come between us don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus ain't nobody in this club ever come between us don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus now don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus now don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus now don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus nah did you catch me on that roller on blaze i got a cross in my rearview ay i got it made out of straw that's what christians do when they following god don't freak with jesus never in my life every single day i down down and kiss my wife on a foe head for jesus never will i trespass unless y'all messing with jesus says don't think with jesus don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus michael go and tell him girl [Music] if you don't like jesus i don't wanna bother [Music] cause jesus is my man jesus is the one i love jesus is my plan yeah jesus is the one and i wanna hold his hand up to the jesus place it's our holy land god jesus i'm popping i'm popping for jesus popping i'm popping i'm popping for jesus and if you don't want to hear it i don't care what you say because i am moved by the holy spirit don't freak with jesus don't freak with jesus amen amen amen my brother so um listen uh we wanted to do a holy song uh a gospel song moved i think uh gospel rap gets a bad name i think if we entered if we entered the christian rap market i think we did quite well i think we would help them out to spread the word of jesus even harder [ __ ] you oh damn oh my god curse right after i say jesus that's my bad all right so here all right after this one say a holy father right now our father who earth in heaven hallowed be thy jay jay uh jesus uh on earth as it is in in heaven do you think jesus would be cool with like nicknames if you saw him or would he be like no i don't yeah yeah if you call them like j-bone yeah like g like uh young g's young jesus and jesus imagine if jesus did come back and like he was a rapper yeah when he was cool as hell and he came back as like young jesus or little jesus yeah yeah yeah or like uh uh what are other good nicknames for jesus you'd have a song called like god son yeah god's son yeah god's son yeah like and like would dis knows he would uh he would literally he would literally probably be amazing i feel like jesus would definitely be able to rap do you think is he like you think like when you go up to heaven he's just like an administrator there he just like holds no no he's like he's like a moderator and god's like the administrator yeah he works in like the bursar's department of heaven yeah he's like uh he's like like vice president of sales he's got like an ill like like linkedin photo yeah like his chair his chair is dope but it's like not like god's like god's throne did jesus have a last name jesus magdalen jesus jesus of nazareth no that's where he's from right i wonder what what was jesus's full name is that where he was born is it nazareth yeah bethlehem oh bethlehem yeah jesus what was his real name though his real name was jesus wasn't it damn dude like so jesus was like the first he was like prince oh with one would just look with one name yeah it was like his name jesus mary magdalene right if you yeah is it mary magdalene oh mary meg she's literally like her stage name is virgin mary right that's her rap name it's virgin mary yeah yeah yeah yeah everyone in the bible has like fire names yeah even judas john the baptist fire ass name yeah judas is a dope rap name too yeah the even satan satan had lucifer that's a fire ass yeah lucifer is a dope-ass name no pun intended that's a fire-ass name people who name their kids like after evil biblical [ __ ] are definitely [ __ ] yeah like if your son's name is like josiah yeah or like ezekiel yeah you guys you guys are weird bro and they don't have internet oh yeah and they have like horrible cable packages oh damn that's that's what i've always felt like uh like people that love jesus they never have cable yeah i know yeah it's weird the only time or or or like how much people are crazy yeah amish people are crazy but they know they're crazy and like they don't try to hide it yeah they're also the only people you can make fun of nowadays without getting canceled because they don't listen to anything that is true right yeah how much people don't have because you know they're not going to hear any of this do they have like that is true watch we're gonna have one person who's like uh i'm actually amish yeah well then i'm gonna tell you your community's gonna hang you damn don't worry they'll never hear that well i mean that's how they probably kill people who didn't use technology so they just hang everyone no they have guns what was that mark wahlberg oh yeah they do have guns right what was that mark wahlberg movie where it was like uh these people lived in like in the past yeah and they lived oh the village i think it was called the village so like it was a m night chaminade movie mark wahlberg yeah it was em nice and lamentable i thought he was in that no he's not in a single m night movie no he is he is in the m night movie with john leguizamo and they're like afraid of the wind oh i've never seen that it sounds terrible yeah it's called like the mist or something i don't know oh is that him yeah yeah he's like a teacher which i already not believable is that m night charms n night shops it's m night chums and john leguizamo and like somehow like the air kills people damn what the hell yeah so it's weird i forgot what the name of that movie was i'm gonna look it up right now i'm like shamacito market market mark wahlberg night shyamalan was like off to such a hot start and he just started making average like mid-ass movies yeah kind of fell off a little bit i feel like he's like the biggest like uh overachiever of all time so listen to some of these names in the bible that are firing at uh rap names james the great wait these are rap names no no these are just people in the bible and their names are like they're original rappers james the great james the great why does he call that and then uh kane and abel would be a fire group like capone yeah yeah yeah duo group yeah um and on the last album just kills the other one they have beef and [ __ ] yeah they like really stick to the [ __ ] story john the baptist which is a fire one right uh uh what was it john the baptist another fire ass rap name you're right that's what i'm saying paul the apostle you're just baptizing [ __ ] paul the apostles lyrics oh yeah paul the apostles don't let [ __ ] get hostile damn catch me in the nazarus hostel damn i'm about to get rich and build a [Laughter] yeah i'm castle you i think bibles were the original rap names and then let's let's start at the beginning god no who's uh isn't there uh a little little thinking of i think i'm thinking of peter pan or i'm thinking of uh were you about to say john malkovich no i was about to say little john isn't that [ __ ] uh that's well it's also a rapper or a producer no john oh yeah you already said john the baptist john the baptist james the great um james the great god god it's just a fire name people still use that anyway you're like yo you're a god yo what up god it's god and goat what's better god or goat god right god is better than a goat because goat is like goat is i i've never really loved that term goat i'd rather be boat best of all time best of all time i mean greatest sounds better though greatest sounds better but cooler animals than goats yeah it just sounds weird yeah but boats kind of like lame too oh it's just you want to be a [ __ ] you want to be a ship instead of a boat what about float fattest loser of all time damn yeah on the float honestly if you can rep that and you don't care about like that then that's a fire name right i think float and then my first can't be like skinny and go around calling people float though no no no no i'm the float i'm getting traps i'm the fattest loser of all time yeah dude you got to start using that yeah the float on the float doc dude call the album the the the float the float tapes fattest loser of all time fattest loser of all time kind of fire like you run with that and you just make a [ __ ] amazing album you're [ __ ] untouchable it's the iced out chain like float that's so [ __ ] that's actually really really good call me young float and then the bible just in general like what like did they create that word goat no bible oh yeah i don't know where the i don't know where bible comes from i feel like words were just made up back then and everyone was just like expected to follow you know i mean like everyone's like why are you calling it that they're like i don't know it just sounds diff and everyone's like all right i wonder you want to know what's crazy too like about the bible kind of it's like did you have to like submit like a like a you know if you want to like have your your uh submission like a submission to a new favorite like it has to like go with the energy to the community of christ yeah no so like to actually get published in the bible like you know like people will submit a poem to like the new york times and like they will publish it wait so that it goes in yeah who the [ __ ] decides that who's the leader of all bibles like the vatican or something yeah i don't know i and can we still add to the bible is the bible i know that when the church was running [ __ ] they were doing [ __ ] up [ __ ] like if you created a vape back then you would have been [ __ ] [ __ ] murdered oh yeah a vape if you created a [ __ ] like a roomba that would have killed you if you would have made a vape back then they would have been like you [ __ ] witch and slayed you yeah they would have burned you at this at this was it the steak is that what it's called yeah at the stake oh i always thought it was like burned at the stake like and then that's why they call steak steak i hate when words are they sound the same but they're spelled differently english language is so [ __ ] confusing how lazy can you be just just call something else yeah someone was like oh we're going to call this they're like [ __ ] just say steak again [Laughter] they're like all right but do you want to spell a different way they're like nah just do the same way but like different likes double anton yeah well like let's just like move the e and the a around yeah that's what it is kind of right yeah so it's s-t-a-k-e and then it's s-t-e-a-k how lazy is that it couldn't be two different things what's it called when you could switch words and then spell a different word though what's that game called oh it's not anagrams is it is it anagrams i think it's no anagram is like a dude i feel like we have this a palindrome i remembered is is the same word spill forward and backwards uh acronym is i think that's what it is switching no acronyms acronym is is no acronym is one of i think isn't it is it float not just loser of all time wouldn't that be an acronym is that an acronym yeah because it's an acronym for fattest loser of all time i don't know i'm thinking of synonyms [Laughter] also synonymous oh that's a fire rap name synonym toast crunch sin oh what that is fire because you just like come up with different words yeah you're that smart with words that you can just like go with other words like [ __ ] fat obese and like young analogy yeah yeah yeah it would be a fire name no but like an acronym is like so say like we wrote hero down here right and then the h would be for honesty the e would be for everything could spell something out yeah r would be for like i want to see right royal an abbreviation yeah the forms were yeah you're right it's acronyms yeah so float damn we started the show with an acronym acronym is like a [ __ ] underground rapper name too oh hell yeah right yeah there's a there was some dude in the early 2000s going by acronym yeah and he spelled it like ak r-o-n-y-m-m yeah [Laughter] [Music] and he was rapping about [ __ ] that no one gives a [ __ ] about no i'm not so many underground rap is so creative and good but like it's not [ __ ] that people want to [ __ ] talk about well if you really think about it that's kind of like this last kendrick lamar project miss around big steps yeah where he says where he drops the the gay f-bomb like a million times dude he said the f-word so much right and i'm listening to the song though and i get the context so it's like okay i don't think he's gonna get like in trouble for it i love the way that song just abruptly ends he's still gonna get [ __ ] for it though because he said the word period and there's people out there like you can't even have you can't even actually have good context anymore you'll still get in trouble for it you know and it's like it's like i'm not agreeing that the words good but like if he's saying it in a way to make a point sometimes you got to say the word to get it through to [ __ ] do you think do you think black people because of what they had to deal with with the n words in art like they get they kind of get a pass with the f word no i don't think so now um i do think that a lot of important gay trends in gay things started because of gay black uh gay black people though for sure um uh like anything you see in drag and stuff like that that's that all started like mostly from really the black community yeah wow i never do that all drag is like mostly like uh you would give probably props to uh black communities for creating drag yeah black people create everything yeah it's because black people are amazing and then you have like little [ __ ] white kids in high school who no i'm just kidding either way though i was telling danny earlier i just like and we're again we're half white i was like i think i think i'm just annoyed by why people i don't think i don't think that's a wrong thing to do i think no i think we always say that because of how we were treated in elementary like obviously i don't hate white people no my dad our dad's wife yeah our dad's super cool yeah and uh super cool no no that's why it's easier for us to say because i'm always like you know we can make fun of whites because we're white yeah drake apparently can say the n word and he's only half black and half white right that's true do you think that's a problem no because my thing is i i don't see drake as a white person i see him as a black person that's what i feel about me like me like us when i look in the mirror so i had an uber driver the other day he goes we were talking about he goes nah son you look mad he's like not dog you look mad you look mad [ __ ] it's bad because i was like oh do i come up he goes no you look mad [ __ ] spanish bro he's like i wouldn't look at you and go that's a white dude this is like uber driver i was like what the [ __ ] yeah no it's true it is did you see that lyft driver they kicked that woman out oh the racist one yeah dude who the [ __ ] gets in the lift and goes oh man thank god you're not spanish also who the [ __ ] is still talking that way with the [ __ ] that that guy said at the end wild people still dude like that doesn't that [ __ ] was crazy it's still really bad and it's still terrible thing to say and they could get [ __ ] their whole [ __ ] torn down and burned down but because they're the owners of the store so for everyone that doesn't know this uber driver went to go pick up these two people and uh the woman as soon as she opens the door she goes oh my god you're white and he goes what like you can tell immediately this dude this dude is irritated yeah yeah and he's not like your typical like you know there's some like woke you know like white people that are just like kind of like annoying oh no like you could like you can tell they don't even know what they're talking about they're just like doing it there is and there is a level of unbearable weakness it's so it's just like just let let other people talk about this yeah it's just like but he's like a chill dude he's in the car he's not like but she gets in she goes oh my god you're white and he goes what and then she's just like no you know like you're not she's like oh it's crazy it's like she's like i'm sorry no it's just like you're white it's like you're not like it's it's weird and he goes okay get out of my get out of the car that dude had to have a long ass night up till then oh yeah he looked like he was ready to go off he was like kind of like whatever at first too yeah i think he was just having a really really bad night and then he had these two extremely racist white people oh he was just like yeah it's i'm done with this [ __ ] like there was no conversation he was like get out it's kind of crazy because this [ __ ] came out and it's all over the internet right after the [ __ ] that happened in [ __ ] buffalo with this [ __ ] crazy racist weirdo yeah dude i don't understand how you you go into a supermarket shoot and kill a bunch of people and then you walk out of there alive yeah yeah like what are you gonna interview him about hey are you racist and he's gonna go yeah oh did you do it there's literally a whole twitch video of it avad i mean i think it got deleted i think there's like the first part of it that's just like it's so [ __ ] up to watch that because from that perspective it gets desensitized it looks like a [ __ ] video game it looks [ __ ] weird i know it's cuz it's like his scary it's his stupid camera on his [ __ ] but it's not it's real [ __ ] bro yo and i just kept thinking this [ __ ] poor woman they got hit first if you ve if you see the beginning of the video um like wrong place wrong time like just so like this woman got up and was like i'm gonna go get grocery for my kids and [ __ ] and just [ __ ] and the kid's weird he's like i mean he's like if you're gonna do it just do it right like it's so weird oh so he has like a whole like like uh like a dude there was like 27 people watching it there were people that planned it in like a discord he streamed himself yeah he streamed it on twitch oh my gosh yeah bro it's [ __ ] up it's [ __ ] super [ __ ] up he got like that [ __ ] from that new zealand dude that dude i think there was that guy that and then there was that other guy that shot up that [ __ ] mosque it's just crazy to me that you can like do this this kid's mad young he's 18. you are kind of crazy he had like a [ __ ] it's called like a [ __ ] it was called like a [ __ ] block my meister like this crazy assault rifle dude like and he just and he had no idea that he twitched it yeah he streamed it live and then they and then twitch immediately like removed it they said in like two minutes that's kind of like what they did in the joker in the batman but now twitch is getting blamed and it's not just guys it's not just [ __ ] social media it's media too like we got to stop giving these people names and [ __ ] and stop telling people that they have like manifestos but it doesn't matter anyway now because the internet exists now you'll find it on the internet it doesn't matter it's too late like that shit's gonna keep happening and it's [ __ ] up it's like really just comes down to like take like legit taking away guns but when you do that you there are too many people in power it would have happened a long time ago there's people in power that don't want their guns taken away because of money no it's like listen lobbyists and [ __ ] the scare the scary thing is is now it's like get her gun or die yeah and it's sadly like what this kid did inspired some other [ __ ] psychopath now dude it was plant with like a group there's it was like a whites he's like a super white supremacist weirdo and they were moderate i heard they were monitoring monitoring him for like mental health issues yeah i mean you have to if you go in there dress like a [ __ ] no before that oh really yeah yeah that they were like monitoring him like you know there's something off with this thing all these [ __ ] weirdos too they want to be like go go to the i mean you don't even want them in the war because they'll do some [ __ ] up [ __ ] you know yeah i mean this is beyond worship this is just racist [ __ ] which is like literally like they were like doesn't have a place in you know the army or marines or any of that but um you know what they should do with all those people they should put them in like gladiator esque games where they have to fight like lions also you know legit give that dude like [ __ ] law is so [ __ ] like get that dude a chair bro bro how do you walk out of there dude get that guy that he it's all proof he did it to like innocent people doesn't make any sense you got to immediately [ __ ] fry that dude that dude's got to get fried it's just crazy like a little [ __ ] kid like a little black kid could walk around with like a pellet gun and he'll get shot and he'll be dead like oh i thought he had a wet and this guy shot 10 people in somewhere and they're like all right so you got to see it the woman like bends down to get something she dropped just gets up and then just gets blasted on the way to her car it's so [ __ ] up you know it's like it's just crazy to me that this [ __ ] happens and like i don't want to get political but like i just don't i mean i just don't guns are just so wet like i get it they're cool if you're a sane person and you like going to shooting and it takes and it takes stress off and i get it like i've shot guns before and it does it is like a powerful feeling but for someone that's like normal you know you know not to do anything but then but you know there's always the arguments like yeah you can do the same thing with like a bunch of stuff yeah i know then you can make explosives that's true too but at the same time like i mean i just don't see something else is wrong i don't know and everyone has their own excuses like background checks you could do all that but apparently that's not working either so i don't know that's just super sketch all i know is like i think it's mostly it's like a state to state issue probably yeah it's always law [ __ ] and it's lobbyist [ __ ] people get i mean money guns are in money guns are in drugs guns and everything i mean you know [ __ ] we can go into so many things back in the 80s you want to know what's crazy too now that you bring that up you ever see these [ __ ] vice this the thing about like white people too like how you're saying they have no fear in terms of like hey like i'm a little skinny white dude i'm gonna go like hang out with this mexican cartel for a week and put it on vice yeah yeah yeah what are you nuts yeah i was watching that this english guy on the bbc like back in the day he just wore a [ __ ] vest and he went to the hood and it was like so like i don't know i just something about it i was like this is [ __ ] up it's weird it paints a weird image you know it paints a weird image because it's like dude like you're so bored right that you have to go hang out this mexican cartel right right you know it's like that's like the most white privilege thing i've ever seen also imagine going to the hood wearing a vest for the people there and then finding out that 10 people died that day was because some crazy white kid came into the [ __ ] oh my god yeah shot everyone's jesus and my thing is is like you know i'm not again i don't want to get into the politics of it i'm just it's crazy to me um i mean also he went in with mad armor and [ __ ] apparently a security guard like shot him and it hit his vest and he lived and he killed the security guard what yeah dude like mad [ __ ] this kid is [ __ ] this kid is he's mad normal in the video sounding too he's like all right i guess i just gotta do it he's like doesn't sound weird or anything he's just like yep here we go he just parks and does it and i'm just thinking about like the people i'm just thinking about the people dude i went into the [ __ ] gas i went to a gas station today to buy like uh i had like the weirdest craving for like like a snickers ice cream bar oh those are the [ __ ] best bro and i went in like i couldn't help but just think about that [ __ ] because it was like the day of and i was like i like rush out of the gas station yeah you're like i'm not getting murked bro you can get popped anywhere now it's [ __ ] crazy like you ca i mean we already know you can't go school shootings have been happening for [ __ ] like 20 years now how long ago was columbine like [ __ ] 25 years ago i remember when we were in 30 years yeah i remember when we were in class and like they came in and like told all of us we were in like fourth grade i was like yeah even back then i was like is this appropriate yeah what the f dude it's happening in like the same day sooner or later i'm telling you how the internet is there's gonna be like simultaneous ones oh yeah in different states and [ __ ] yeah bro like they're all on these weird ass apps right like talking to each other and like weird [ __ ] crazy like mass shooter code yeah it's so fun it's just like it's so it's the thing is it's like it's it happened that it's happening so much but it's so scary to think about bro like i used to have like when i was in high school i used to have dreams that it would have because like it was happening on the news all the time yeah dude we were in lockdown once because some guy walked into the building with a nail gun were you oh yeah they made us go underneath the [ __ ] desk yeah i was like yo i remember i was on the first floor i was in a miss newman's art class and i was like yo i'm gonna jump out this [ __ ] window there's no way i'm just gonna hide under this [ __ ] desk bro i remember that dude i remember yeah some kid came in but like everyone was like we're not sure yet just like chill but that [ __ ] was [ __ ] weird i remember there was like two people in the hallway and like one of the like the the teachers a woman she was like get in here get into class now and i was like yo is this for real like do i have to worry about [ __ ] dying right now yo honestly i feel like i would i would like smash a chair through the window and just bounce [ __ ] yeah dude yo anything two floors i'm jumping also bro i'm not going out like just like in the corner i'm gonna [ __ ] try to tackle that [ __ ] at some point right i mean unless you just you know what i mean like it's just a scary thing to think but it's just it's it's crazy that like i mean we're talking about it now but that's this is what what the [ __ ] [ __ ] has come to it's [ __ ] sad yeah no i mean you know there's like there's so much going on like uh i mean it's hard to not talk about it's what's going on in the [ __ ] world you know i know [ __ ] want us to be funny and [ __ ] but like it's just you know sometimes you got to think about like the real [ __ ] that goes on and kind of like just bring notice to it like it's really not like why are the [ __ ] getting guns like this i don't know it's wild it's wild it's like [ __ ] you getting like a [ __ ] long ass crate and you know what i mean like yeah it's like it's like smuggled weapon [ __ ] like always sunny when he buys mac a [ __ ] a rocket launcher yeah yeah like what the [ __ ] you could just and sooner or where you can just make it this is [ __ ] weird it's like a guy like there was a guy like on the walking dead too that could like make bullets yeah yeah could people manufacture their own bullets yeah you could probably chemically like you could probably like do something to make your own metal [ __ ] bullet [ __ ] it's like one of those [ __ ] guys on youtube that like restores like old car engines and like old like world war ii lighters yeah it's so [ __ ] it's just like i don't know man it's really [ __ ] scary to think about but at the same time you know [ __ ] this is like everyone's like yeah you don't leave the house i don't want to [ __ ] why would you want to leave the house when this [ __ ] is happening i think uh nobody got shot during covet no that was literally it's almost like god made that like speaking of jesus it's like someone like god just made that [ __ ] to like stop everything i feel like kovid was the ill thanos yeah it was like a thanos in a way you know like it was like we're getting mad biblical right now but it was like a punishment almost right that's what it felt like i was like because there was nothing happening because no one was going out you know what i mean nobody was getting shot and you know what's [ __ ] up even more to think i'm surprised it's not it's it's it's it's not it we're just in full like unhinged mode i feel like us talking about this in these hats is going to make this like even funnier yeah i know because we're dressed up we're dressed like [ __ ] ted nugent right now yeah you're dressed like one of the dudley boys yeah i know i [ __ ] i literally feel like a [ __ ] duck hunter like one of the dunk hunt you look like spike dudley i do i got uh i went to uh there's a place that i used to go well i used to go all the time as a kid and then um it's a different name now but i went into the hood in getty square in yonkers and i bought me and danny uh some cheap ass [ __ ] shirts and hats and i just bought it's like dude socks they were like two dollars for like six for like a six-pack listen anybody out there if you have a hood near you go shopping dude i just go to the mart's there everything's like 12.99 these pants are 12.99 support small business yeah small businesses yeah and it's cheap as [ __ ] yep and i feel safer in the hood than i do other places now yeah i'm afraid to go to like [ __ ] like events or like public events yeah it's fair to go to like public events in like [ __ ] suburban counties do you do you think like is there any artist right now that you would love to see live frank ocean like if frank ocean was like john mayer if frank ocean was like yo i'm doing a one-time show madison square garden would you go you think i'd probably go yeah if i had my shots i think i would go see john uh uh frank ocean john ocean john ocean frank's not here but we got john ocean yeah he's like who goes it's like fat version of frank yeah yeah he's like no [Laughter] frank ocean's the man by the way you wanna talk about like amazing music frank ocean's a [ __ ] god too i love that frank ocean literally does nothing yo kendrick's whole album though going back to kendrick it's literally like a spike lee movie yeah it's all over the it's like a spike lee meets like like uh like david lynch anybody that listened to that album was like this is trash just listen i already know you listen to you listen to just like whack [ __ ] all day yeah see i love both though i just like i just like different aspects of like how do you not like other like things in life that teach you a little bit of knowledge he's he's like jazz for for rap you know what i'm saying yeah he's rap jazz he is it's rap jazz it's it's j we're jizz yeah rajesh it's like rajas like i get it the skits the interludes are weird to people but it's all parts of real [ __ ] though how do you not like real [ __ ] but you like listening to you just listen to [ __ ] i'm just gonna say just listen to drake [ __ ] all day yeah you have to so that's the other thing too it's like listen when it comes to music a breath of fresh air in any genre of music should be welcomed with open arms right and he's and he pushes the envelope and says controversial [ __ ] that's relatable to everybody that everybody thinks about also some people also another thing too in the mail just males in general yeah him to come out and talk about being molested him to come out and talk about battling depression him coming out and talking addiction talking about his transsexual uh uncle oh yeah yeah yeah or is uh his transsexual aunt yeah uh i think he was another transsexual family member right these are huge things especially you know even some being somebody from the black community that's a big thing his influence is huge i just got a lot of i got of a a lot of a guy who's still just curious in asking questions to himself and someone who's like evolving like i got like a real life thing out of that like certified lover boy sucked all right so here's here's here's we're going to talk this out right now right let's do it so since kendrick right since like section 80 since i've been listening to him right shout out ben gold because ben gold put me on the kendrick lamar right um since i've been listening to him i sound like mad spanish right there since i've been listening since i've been listening to him since i've been listening to kendra since i've been listening to kenny um his music has progressively gotten better and different yeah right it's eclectic it's yeah it's an it's an eclectic sound but it's also a sound that when you think it's going to zig it zags right or when you think it's going to zag it zigs whatever whatever the analogy is so when you're listening to him right he hasn't plateaued as an artist because he he's constantly evolving right yeah yes if you listen to someone like drake drake realistically has plateaued as an artist there's nowhere he can go he's not gonna have like this spiritual awakening he's not gonna have this like uh i'm gonna switch everything up and and not do this he has a recipe that works for him drake makes fire music he does it's just fire singles but nobody can tell me that the last two albums of drake were fire no they're not that good at all and then you could even go all the way back if you're not counting mixtapes and [ __ ] like drake hasn't had a classic album in 10 years yeah yeah and and uh and it's and i'm that's why i listen he has ones like the one with the [ __ ] chew five gum haircut thing he has in his head the line oh yeah yeah like uh the clouds i don't know what that one's called oh it never was the same like i know i know like that one's got mad awesome songs classic album fire and i know he has like at least one but like take care classic album but they're not like even those songs like i'm not like dancing no but here's when i was younger maybe i was no i liked him way i'll say this i liked him when i was when i was younger but if you think about it right as an artist drake and kendrick who can you relate more to realistically just on your upbringing right yeah because he's a [ __ ] mixed breed kid from [ __ ] from the suburbs right so it's like realistically we identify with him more right but i'm learning but i'm learning from kendrick but i'm not learning anything from drake but kendrick resonates other than being on one that's about it kendrick resonates with us because we're type of people that want to listen to somebody who we look up to you know what i mean we've looked up to rappers since we were kids yeah you know what i mean i i i see kendrick as a huge influence yeah well we listened to rap back then when you had no choi you couldn't relate to [ __ ] at all period no i didn't know what [ __ ] flipping birds words but i'm not going to listen to [ __ ] jack hart his new song sucks i'll be honest with you i like jack harlow i like him too personally that album is so bad oh dude here's the giving her the g giving the uh section huh shut the [ __ ] up dude even if i listen to that mad long even if i listen to that [ __ ] song that [ __ ] whack harlow ass alps yeah that song sucks i listen to the album and i like yeah i really like him as a person he's like a rapper i didn't hear him on on funk flex he was good he's not good yeah i feel like he's a good rapper right so i'm listening to the album i'm kind of excited for it and i'm listening to it and like 45 seconds into it i was like oh this is gonna be bad oh dude he is [ __ ] booty sauce that that album is really bad i couldn't even it's so bad and then uh today on hot 97 and on 105 and i know everyone's gonna be like why the [ __ ] used to listen to the radio uh my parents car doesn't have a [ __ ] yeah yeah they don't have uh they have nothing this is a cassette player um both stations they played at mad times stop playing that [ __ ] song dude it's so [ __ ] annoying [ __ ] give another g sex in here that song sucks whack whack it's so bad but even like certified lover boy right like first class and they made fergie they gave her the deep voice it sounds so bad it's just like it's i don't understand why that's okay to play all the time i don't know i don't get it no it's it's the craziest thing to re if you really think about it to to make that body of work and like put it out and be like yo like this this fire is crazy to me dude we need a classic radio station in new york that's just hip-hop like they have 104.3 for rock oh no i think they have one now for classic rap yeah for classic rapid r b i forgot what it was but it's out there now i don't i don't when there's [ __ ] like this coming out it makes you not want to listen to new [ __ ] but there are really good new artists that are there's there is a lot of hip-hop i think that's coming back and there are a lot of artists that are coming back too so i just think like i don't want to be a full-on uh boomer right now no no people are gonna like here's the thing too it's like when you have an opinion about anything musical yeah you're [ __ ] hater oh yeah but a lot of times like there are haters but a lot of haters are truthers though yeah i'm just giving honest judgment like if i listen to i'd much rather listen to jack harlow rap than like [ __ ] uh island boys then like yeah like island boys you know what i mean like an absolute filth you know what i mean like uh you know i i like there's literally on funk flex like he did his thing it was pretty [ __ ] good but the thing is is i get it no one wants to hear that no one wants to listen to if you want to blow up and be mainstream you have to consciously self-consciously make that decision also too it's like when it comes to financially too yeah when it comes to like rap music people that are really have taken the time to like divulge themselves and die deep dive into the [ __ ] culture yeah uh and like allowed them to like uh they've like literally integrated themselves into the dna of [ __ ] hip-hop yeah you know uh they're no they're not they don't [ __ ] with that album i'm gonna fart whoa sorry no that was a good part i'm sorry no it's just i listen to music mainstream music this time sometimes because i want to understand what like the fuss is all about right and it's like it's even like the weekend too it's like enjoys telling like a story like his albums are telling a story right yeah he's creative too and he's a monster he's mad creative you know what i mean yeah and like people will say like oh they didn't like love his last album i did i i don't even like i like his lifestyle i don't even listen to him that much i still i mean i still respect his [ __ ] more than i do like you can you and it's possible to still make popular music that's actually fire yeah like there's popular [ __ ] that is just algorithm sounding [ __ ] yeah for sure sucks but that's a crazy thing but that brings a full circle like what you're talking about like frank ocean and kendrick lamar it's like they don't need any of that [ __ ] that's that's a like a testament to how [ __ ] talented they are oh those dudes because it's like real written like real thoughtful [ __ ] you know and and like listen this is coming from someone like we just rap about titties but we know but it's meant to be a joke you know this [ __ ] is seared like this guy really made this [ __ ] serious ass lame even if it's for girls i'm sorry there are girl songs that are mostly main like girl songs like you know like you hear it's like for the ladies that is that are still fire yeah for sure like i'll bump casey and jojo from back in the day like all bro where did r and b go i mean it's still there yeah but not like how it looks yeah it's just fused now it's just different yeah like that was the [ __ ] it's not going to sound like i mean there's still like what's his name called himself the king what's his name call himself the king of r b that [ __ ] guy that like no one even talks about jahim yeah no not jahim i love him though is isn't john is john the one who like went to jail for like beating somebody i hope not because she's the one that's like oh yeah yeah yeah that's jahim is jaheem tank tyrese genuine yeah where he's like if the coke won't get him then if the perks don't get him then the cocaine will that's on that new a-z album yeah lion i think he got in trouble for like i think he did like dogs he was doing like dogs like fights or something oh i thought you said he was doing dogs no that's [ __ ] up i was like damn dude now i really can't listen to johnny yeah i know yeah no because like i haven't i'm gonna be real with you i haven't listened to r kelly once i haven't either i lit and it's not because i want people to think i'm like a good person or not i literally like after seeing that documentary bro i threw up in my mouth like a million times yeah it was horrible and the cra and the hardest part was is musically he's like one of my biggest influences bro he has [ __ ] heaters all around bro he's only got to find hit machine i think i've ever heard a bad r kelly song it's very rare it's just that he is the devil and like i just don't know if i can listen to the devil anymore no but like you know so i'm listen i'm in no way trying to say this like giving r kelly a pass he's a [ __ ] monster but something had to happen to that kid that that guy is a kid oh he did he's talked about it he's talked about it yeah he's he was molested and [ __ ] yeah yeah so you think by his sister or his aunt or something see something something weird his brother went on air and talked about it um but yeah no a lot of a lot of [ __ ] yeah it doesn't give him a pass either because how do you feel how do you feel about like kodak being on the on the kendrick album i thought it's great because kodak is kodak's authentic you know what i mean yeah like even like he's had like his domestic issues yeah i mean he's a he's a but you know what man like r kelly wasn't like uh r kelly was like there's levels bro no no domestic violence is right no it's not kodak's younger though i'm not giving him excuse like he's not that young he's still know the difference of what's bad and what isn't but but he's never uh i mean i don't know that much about him but i don't know to me it's almost apples and oranges because r kelly is is is is like he's the ultimate he is like a demon beast 666 beast yeah he's like the closest thing to like a demon that i've seen him in that and that other english dude jimmy savile from england jimmy savile jeffrey epstein yeah epstein the devil devil these are like devil people and like yeah this is like i don't even mean to sound like like a crazy person that goes to church but like those guys are the devil yeah like those guys like those are the kind of people you should just never it's so bad you should take away strip them of everything they have ever done and that's why i just can't when i listen to r kelly now i can't he [ __ ] it all up i can't think of anything else no i know and it's bad enough everyone gave him a [ __ ] chance the first time when there was literally a video of him doing it oh my god you know what i mean i love how someone in the videos like yo rob and he's like yo what's up and they're like nah that's not him oh yeah people were saying it's not him and stuff yeah he was saying it wasn't him oh yeah it's like dude it's so it's just like i and again what a [ __ ] freak dude what a [ __ ] weirdo and i and i literally it's not even because like i'm not i like listen if i was at home i'm like i've listened like a few times no that guy sucks i can't listen to him he [ __ ] it up you know what i mean it's just really bad and you want to know something i'm mad at him because he ruined it for us yay ruined it for everyone that likes that like this really good music and i'm sure there are people that still listen to him because they're like well the music has nothing to do with me or that and that's fine you can make that argument do what you want but i personally cannot listen to that man without seeing like like i was i didn't even have anything happen to me and i'm getting like weird flashbacks from like the documentary i know i can't i can't it's so weird like like the crazy like that footage of them like going in that hotel and then like breaking her out of the hotel and [ __ ] yeah i was gonna i was gonna ask you this like what an amazing mom i was gonna be like have you listened to any like i literally have not listened to him at all i haven't ever since like the documentary just went out and i saw it i was like yo i'm done listen to this guy i think he i mean like who even gets money for that now does he still yeah for sure so what does it go to like his estate his family or something i guess like hey like when's that trial start start i don't know man i don't know i've been watching oh did you see [ __ ] amber heard went up again yeah she got crossed she got cross-examined dressed like dr evil and [ __ ] hillary clinton so here's yeah she yo what was that yeah she was dressed like an evil high counselor it was so weird she looked like a [ __ ] extra from a [ __ ] uh what's that [ __ ] show with the reds with the red dressed girls handmaid's tale she looked like one of the like the one of the wives from handmade yeah she looked like a villain i was like yo that is this is not helping you she looked crazy but like also um yeah like she she went up again and dude she was just talking about makeup for like five hours yeah she was she was giving it to that [ __ ] and she goes uh johnny depp's lawyer she goes if you want you could totally hi i had to hide a broken nose with my makeup you can't hide a [ __ ] broken nose with makeup dude yeah look up bro swollen broken noses it's there's no way you're hiding makeup with that [ __ ] no she was like it's a lot of makeup i was like i smashed your [ __ ] nose right now and i [ __ ] and we tried to cover it up and you went with selena she's like what the [ __ ] is wrong with your nose it's makeup you know what i mean now she was like you can hide it you're like what are you talking i don't think he did she say that he broke her [ __ ] nose she goes [ __ ] she goes uh about johnny depp like wearing like big ass rings and he was like if johnny depp like really punched you like with these big ass rings like your ship would be [ __ ] up and apparently they they they were bringing up all these photos of her like saying she got beat up the day before and then like being on the james corden show oh like proof that she was bullshitting yeah so they were like he split my lip the night before and then there's like a picture mad close-up picture that she took in a photo booth with her mouth wide open and there's no split yeah and she goes she goes yeah i can hide splits with my makeup all women can something like that yeah that's rough i was just like what like i don't know like half the [ __ ] i was listening to her saying what the [ __ ] is she even talking about it made no sense [Laughter] and then like i just keep thinking about johnny deputies like i would have never split her lip like that yeah people love that johnny depp and pressure i can't tell if he's [ __ ] english or not bro i've always said this this dude's like from florida and like is like a native american english is he from florida yeah i didn't know that yeah he's from like hollywood florida i don't know what you're talking about but i didn't do anything [Laughter] you know the craziest thing about that entire the craziest thing about that entire case is like i don't even know like is he like suing for money like is this all about money no it's just it's just to clear his name it's it's defamation fraud trial defamation is it defamation is how you say it definitely that defamation i always say words mad differently if you ever definitely if you ever defamation to me i would take you to court yeah what am i oh i would expect you to i would take you to court i was like yo danny did i would never do that to you though i just have dig like like well actually no no you would sue me for sure oh if you went on like if i mean if you started going online you're like michael beat me and stuff of course i would [ __ ] well i've got on errands i take you to court yeah yeah yeah people know i did i used to be though people people know that you beat me i did used to beat you when i was a kid but you see snl is now getting sh they're getting they're getting uh woke cancelled why because they did it all right well but hear me out i think doing skits is weird dressing up like them and stuff is weird i don't think it's i don't i don't there are people doing it online and i just don't think like there are people from vine that we know that are have been doing it now i just don't think it's funny i just i just here's the thing i just think it's i just think it's why are you it's not a halloween costume yeah you know what i mean it's just weird but you can make i think i think us making jokes or whatever like here and there you know it's like making jokes about it like the way you you do it but they're like they're like dressing up like them how they dress in court it's just weird well snl should be canceled just because it's horrible oh they [ __ ] suck yeah not just because it's uh they're so bad like being well canceled but i i i'm very afraid to like even talk about some things and having uh like having an opinion these days i mean i i am too because they're going to be ripped away from us through our [ __ ] i am too with certain things i mean i'm definitely a snowflake with some stuff but like i'm half flake i think i'm partially but i i think we can flake i think we get that from like mom and but the thing is is like my idea of like when i'm a snowflake i just try to understand how people are feeling like i don't really understand people that are like what's with these gays getting so pissed like dude what are you so mad about you know what i mean i don't care that much for me to be mad at gay people or like i just try to find even [ __ ] who own guns like i'm trying to find the [ __ ] silver lining somewhere no pun intended with [ __ ] you know [ __ ] bullets like i'm trying to [ __ ] find like okay shooting guns is for me is just fun me and my dad used to go out and shoot and i would never hurt anybody like you know what i mean like it's hard to be neutral though even because everyone's like oh what a [ __ ] puss what a [ __ ] puss nugget like this guy's like and i'm like dude like i don't even look at it like that i try to always have a conversation with people but i'm not going to change who i am because people don't like my opinion or from neutral you know what i'm saying yeah like it might not be a realistic view but like i could be whatever the [ __ ] i want what are you gonna do about it [ __ ] it's a very hard to smack me it's uh no no no no it's just a very hard like like you were saying like amber hurt and johnny depp right like one of them is going to win one of them's going to lose but like they were probably both horrible pieces of [ __ ] to each other i i think he's and again we said it last time too he's not a [ __ ] angel no the dude is clearly not he had weird text with that other guy talking about like killing her and [ __ ] imagine talking i've never in my life have ever even thought about being like with being so close with my friend and let's talk about like killing this girl yeah that hollywood people are actors are just [ __ ] weird and then he called himself like an engine did he yeah like oh like old school like saying like india yeah he was like yes that's been drinking i was like one angry engine i was just like yo is this dude like from liverpool or from florida i think i think i said this before he's been in way too many [ __ ] movies and i think he needs to just like retire for a little bit yeah yeah i mean he's just been in way too many movies and i just feel like he's like that's the same thing i said about will smith i think they like they play these parts and then he gets up there and he's like i am [ __ ] uh richard williams or like whatever their dad's name is what's her dad's name richard williams oh it is right yeah and then and then later on the dad comes out he's like nah i'm not down what he did like like bro like actors are just [ __ ] phony weirdos yeah all that stuff came from years and years of trauma from us yeah i think they have their own [ __ ] but also i just think they they play too many parts and then they don't even know the [ __ ] they are at one point in their lives i think kendrick lamar though to bring it like full circle him addressing i love circles so like so pitchfork right like pitchfork is like the the [ __ ] rotten tomatoes of music reviews right right now they are they i never heard of them yeah pitchfork is like you know so they gave damn a 9.2 right his last album his last album what do you think they gave this one 9.4 7.6 yeah there's actually a lot of people that i mean not a lot there's a good amount of people i don't think they were [ __ ] with this one is is and you want to know what's sad is that the message on this album is probably more important than any other of his albums i mean he says this is my thing with him like um the song where he's changing faces and stuff yeah i didn't really like it right because i can't i can't and i'm just being honest i can't relate to it i can learn from it right and then i can respect the message but i don't have to listen to i don't i didn't like it right sonic sonically yeah yeah and i had this conversation with one of my friends who was like why like it was a good conversation too like why do you like it i'm like well i'm not gonna because i don't like it i just don't when i listened to it i just didn't i was listening more to the here's the thing about kendrick he's one of those rare artists where he can [ __ ] make a song and even if it's actually trash you still get some dope lyrics out of it regardless right you're still getting a really and to me that's a hard thing to do for sure so that's why i know we're going back to kendrick but like that's why i like and also like without different music all we have is the same [ __ ] of course you need hot and cold you know you need hot to appreciate cold you need cold to appreciate hot so it's like you need different vibes and like that's why i [ __ ] with this album a lot because it's just like different and it's it's a you know and i know people probably look at it also it's like oh [ __ ] know it all like listeners like oh they just want like that's fine too you can make fun of those people too but like i love everything and honestly i know i [ __ ] with drake a lot but i do like a lot of drake songs because there's so many times he comes up and i'm like this is a [ __ ] heater it's [ __ ] that dude so but again um i mean i mean bar wise i don't know if anybody's [ __ ] with kendrick right now no because he just has a really he's like the same way as andre is yeah he's just like he can wrap circles around drake in my opinion i'm sorry for sure easily drake's got really good bars sometimes that are like and he's i know he had a fire verse on jack harlow's album yeah he bodied meek mill with really not that creative that created bars no question though he has like only a few bars where he sons meek and meek had like one bar that was decent against drake i think yeah that battle sucked in my opinion honestly that was the worst thing that ever happened to drake because like drake thought like i can go like toe to toe with like whatever and then he just got exposed to the beast to push her yeah and then push it yeah and then push a t just [ __ ] ate his ass and then he was like i had crazy [ __ ] too and then put it out yeah but even if he did he would have been i think he would have been pushing [ __ ] revealed mad crazy [ __ ] yeah i wasn't feeling that multiple sclerosis line though no that [ __ ] was kind of that [ __ ] was [ __ ] i thought that was really [ __ ] up i know it's rap but like i don't know but then again i think about tupac and how [ __ ] insane he was back in the day yeah he started a song with that's what you had [ __ ] gonna die on stage i was like jesus i was like oh my god he's dead yeah he's d yeah and he's also dead they're both dead yep prodigy died too yeah so i'm like he's dead probably he's dead i don't know man i come i'm sorry i just come from a different time where i just don't like the line is crazy and it's [ __ ] up but like it didn't i don't know i i don't know i didn't really phase me that was well i had a friend that passed away from it so yeah so but but when i heard it i was like it's not about me obviously it's about them yeah but you know and you see drake's who what's his uh guy's name yeah like that that dude seems like a nice chill dude yeah dude just like likes to make beats and smoke weed yeah and they're like good friends and they've been friends for a while you know so i was just like [ __ ] why are you going for him yeah he didn't really deserve that one yeah that's why i was like what the [ __ ] yeah but all the other lines were pretty good and then the and then the reveal was just such a smart move oh there's a [ __ ] on drake like that and then he like posted a picture of him blackface and [ __ ] like he made drake have to address it yeah and then like yo dead ass like he kind of made drake like a better dad like the way the the world looks at it they're gonna that's gonna jay's gonna say that in an interview where they're like chilling one day that's what i'm saying it's like if you really think about it drake wasn't like a dad yeah right yeah it's publicly but this [ __ ] made drake come out and publicly address like having a kid and then also publicly dressed like being a better dad yeah and then you have jay prince this [ __ ] guy i'm afraid to even say anything about him this [ __ ] guy who's literally i think against like violence and hip-hop and everything but like how exactly is he making it happen though i don't know i'm pretty sure he's scaring the [ __ ] out of people into just like not fighting each other and ruining this guy is so terrifying something like well jay prince's son discovered drake oh yeah that's why they're so close that's why they're so close but like jay prince i don't know who he's killed yeah yeah not saying he has yeah yeah he's god i'm not saying he's this guy this guy gets back like chains yeah dude dude just pulls up to hoods and he's like yeah i got like your entire like wardrobe back he's a nut you know you know who else apparently is like we'll [ __ ] you up his [ __ ] mc hammer i heard m c hammersmith yeah yeah he used to [ __ ] people up and like people make fun of him and [ __ ] but i heard like m c hammer will [ __ ] lay you out yeah amsterdam will mc [ __ ] you up [ __ ] oakland yeah he ain't no [ __ ] i didn't know he was from oakland i found out that yeah he's from [ __ ] oakland yep should probably take out a life insurance policy if you [ __ ] with m.c hammer and that's why our friends over at policy genius they're saying uh the same thing listen if someone relies on you financially whether it be a 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uh guess what it's time for an episode of i like that i like it or don't like that i don't like that okay so so what we're gonna do is i'm gonna bring in the top 10 most beautiful women in hollywood okay right okay i'm gonna show you pictures and you're gonna tell me if you like that or you don't like that all right the most beautiful women yeah top 10 most beautiful raiding [ __ ] hot babes raiding hot babes beautiful women look how i'm sitting right now you see how i'm sitting this is like how like that's how like this is how like like uh how white suburban white mom said yeah that's how white women sit at 3am i don't know i just feel like jason's like not really loving me as much okay they do have conversations like that yeah all right uh first i'm gonna sit like an old like mom first first one this is a top 10. oh i like that mila kunis you like that yeah i like that very much you like that very much is there something that you would like like she would say duh duh she's a russian russian she does yeah she does she does yeah i i like that that's nice yeah i like that too kate beckinson oh i like that so much you like that i do you like that a lot to my girlfriend but i like that you like that okay yeah i apologize girlfriend rose brynn do you like that i don't know what the [ __ ] that is oh no i like a roseburn yeah yeah okay yes i like her too i like that this is too easy even like that what about racial whites um i'm not like that i kind of like that she kind of looks like she's like part of like the like uh the white stripes i don't really like that is that the right name is that their name yeah i don't know i'm not talking about jack white yeah natalie portman you're like oh my god i think i like that i like that yo do you see her in a new store trailer is she diesel now or is that computers i think she did i think she did get a little d's it might be computers but she i like that because she's smart too she went to good school is she jewish she hot jewish girl she had drew him i like that uh is he like that margot robbie you like that i like that who's that nina dobrev from degrassi you like that yeah i like that i look like 12 years old kind of weird but but she's okay yeah you like that little 12 years old penelope cruz i like that i thought he want her bird nose i like that i like that she don't have a nose like a bar i do like her i do like that oh marina what the [ __ ] is that this is from deadpool she look at this oh yeah i like that i like that okay is she a little bit older mature looking i like that charlize you like that i don't really like that i don't like that i don't like that anymore she looked like actually judd and angelina jolie [ __ ] each other's faces i don't like that i don't really like that yo i want to show you he's not my favorite i want to show you this streamer type in miss kiff m-i-s-m-i-z-k-i-f real quick k-i-m and then look at this kid and tell me this kid doesn't look like prince [ __ ] charles barkley oh my god he does he looks weird right yeah he looks like he's mad famous though he gets like 30 000 people watching him he looks like a look at that what the heck's wrong with that guy's face he looks like he looks like that other guy too like jesse williams he looks like if you ripped off the skin of like a toy and he just had the furby underneath face yeah his eyes are terrifying he looks like he could be drake's son he does look like he could be like yeah he looks like he could be drinking he's adorable but like he's scary adorable okay all right so now that we got you warm you're gonna type up this kit and look it up tell you he doesn't look like prince [ __ ] charles all right so now that we got you warmed up for i like that don't like that we're in the we're in the zone i like that okay so the real one is date ideas ooh okay okay and i want you i'm gonna read these dates to you and i want you to tell me if you would like this day if you like that or you don't like that okay okay yeah try a new restaurant uh on a date with like a first date or second day uh no just like just date with your i like that that's okay okay i i don't i don't know if i'd really like that because i don't like that because i like to go place where i know i like the phone oh you don't want to take a chance i don't want to take a chance and what if you eat something that make your stomach go ouchy yeah but sometimes you gotta get like abba and take a chance like a child okay okay okay um thoughtism you like that or don't like that amigo tourism or people doing tortoise you go torture some date oh i don't like that you don't like that that's a boring i don't give a [ __ ] about this okay go on and give a [ __ ] about that go go on a picnic oh i like that you like that yeah but i want to have sex when i do that you like to have a second picnic you want to have sex outside on top of a checkered blanket when did the checkered blanket become the picnic blanket i don't know but i saw this porno one to these guys just these guys i saw this gay porno no i saw this dude in this chick totally a chick with a vagina they were doing it like afterwards i was like yo i want to [ __ ] and have a picnic that's kind of hot [ __ ] nick but i don't know why but it's also like what what year is it 1932 would you go on a sex a sex nick yeah i would do that dick nick dick nick yeah you beat me to it you beat me to it you son of a [ __ ] i like that i like that take a hike uh yeah i like that you like that you like to walk around it's healthy it feels good you like to walk around you're not stuck in one place with a crowd and buckle your knees and pass out okay okay i like that i like that yo yo every time by the way now that i go out i think about our conversation about how the the person passed out at the wedding oh my god now i just like stand like this like yeah he's bent in line yeah do not do not lock your knees because he will pass out yeah uh go skiing you like that no i don't like that have you ever been skiing nah [ __ ] that would you ever go skiing that's a two caucasian for me i'm surprised i felt like it's cool you've never been skiing ever i love whites um nah i've never been skiing i would go like a snowboarding i like that you like that it's very hard you fall down you bumped your head i would bump my i'm crazy okay i'm already crazy what about play board game you like that i like that i like that a lot like one time maybe you me selena someone and like girlfriend plays board games i like that that'd be nice that'd be nice do you get very competitive when you play board games no if you beat me you'd be i don't give a [ __ ] it's a goddamn can you shut the [ __ ] up for two seconds all right like i'd like bust your balls i'd be like this guy uh having a little too much fun right now i think selena and i are way too competitive i'd be like yo babe just let him destroy us when we get there yeah please because if we lose i'm gonna have to hear it the whole way home oh oh god really yeah oh man i'm getting a lot of trouble [ __ ] i'm definitely gonna i don't want you to go yeah please let me win i don't i don't get in trouble uh watch selena be like that's not even true no she's she's super competitive what does she uh do would she play sports when she was younger yeah she played soccer she was a ballerina she would be a soccer girl yeah she don't even know what that means but she was uh and very good track uh very good track star she's a runner she's a track star what about this oh my god i've been hearing this song on the radio over there let me see and i don't know i mean no offense i just i don't know what the language is but but i just gonna um [Music] you know what it's kind of like too it's kind of like uh uh [Music] that like nas indian song that came out i don't know if i probably heard it i just don't know how it goes you know how's it go i'll tell you right now that song is so fire though man i was bumping that [ __ ] when i was going to the [ __ ] hood the other day and mom's like bumping maggot music from a [ __ ] old ass honda accord and i didn't realize i forgot my parents have like a little reindeer uh reindeer a rain day or not turning into my [ __ ] costume they have a little reindeer nose right on the grill of the car yes that's i don't know why it's still there and i was dude i drive around sometimes i don't realize i'm doing like mad serious face [ __ ] you have antlers and i got like a rainbow reindeer nose on oh it was the jay-z song okay so let's get back to this uh go camping you like that you don't like that i like that i've been camping like two times i don't like camping um you know it is you would it is wack camping is whack if i i need a toilet and [ __ ] like i would need i would need a [ __ ] like a camper i don't know why i like hardships like that but i'll never forget the night when we went when i told you when i went with your boys after high school and we when we uh graduated because they were a year older than you right yeah so when i graduated but i got left back so i graduated with your friends fire and uh we went to cumberland island where i did acid and i was talking to people with my blood hole cover then i think and uh and uh we were in a [ __ ] tent late at night and raccoons mad smart raccoons like like [ __ ] navy seal raccoons like they like come up out of the water at night [ __ ] like [ __ ] [ __ ] team sex with like yeah they have like the [ __ ] the the shades underneath their eyes they would climb the tree they were opening our bags you can hear the like zippers opening what yeah and that's fire one of them came by our tent like [ __ ] it was just like and then you just heard like like you know the weird sounds they make yeah jasper and jasper's weird ass voice like his like defense just goes like like this thing just like [ __ ] running away dude he screamed because they were like nestling up against our [ __ ] ted and i was half asleep and i'm like what are you doing because these [ __ ] raccoons bro because they were stealing our food bro we would come out at night and they destroyed our trail mix and it was the only food that we had you know what i mean otherwise you gotta rush like this island has like no food did you guys get like ticks all over your body yeah i gotta take on my toe i gotta take on my leg uh the year before jasper said he got a ticket in his butt and he's like an [ __ ] and like his butt cheek he like was cleaning or something i think he found one in his butt it was like already swollen from sucking on me butchies dylan fell into an alligator pit yeah our friend was uh we were all smoking and ben comes over to me we're all high and drunk and ben goes yeah dylan doesn't look good man and [ __ ] dylan just goes and [ __ ] falls into the water like dude [ __ ] mud water like [ __ ] buy you [ __ ] water like not like think dude all sorts of animals and creatures living out here and also a really popular area for alligators it was like a pit almost and they're out there dude and he and uh [ __ ] i was like do it oh my god and jasper's like grab my [ __ ] head grab it and he's like dude he disappeared into the water for a second you just see dylan come out and just go and like and he's like and he's and we're like dude he's like oh and and uh jasper goes over he's like give me your [ __ ] hand he's like he's like i don't know where it is he's like because it's in the dark and uh dylan knocked over [ __ ] uh our friend eric's uh nailed and nailed gene thing oh my my out my analogy and he goes dylan you [ __ ] idiot my nalgene he was like screaming for it like [ __ ] uh tom hanks with [ __ ] wilson i [ __ ] nailed you just like now yeah and everyone was just so mad at dylan on the way back we just all hated him goddamn dylan uh but it was but it was a wild camping's a wild thing and bro they were in in georgia [ __ ] cumberland island dude in georgia [ __ ] there are off the coast of georgia yeah did you see kyle korver on the train i don't know a basketball player maybe i don't know i don't remember that i everyone was they were all making fun of me because i became really good friends with this cuban guy on the train and he's like wanna share my blanket i'm gonna share my blood because it was cold on that train you shared a blanket with a [ __ ] man straight yeah and we watched friends because i told him that we knew scott's ovary one of the writers oh yeah as like a family friend and he goes you want to see my hot wife he said that yeah and then he's underneath the blanket and he just pulls out a wine bottle you want some wine jesus dude this cuban guy had everything yes and jasper and all them were like i think they're gonna like i think they're gonna like make out you want to have sex with me yeah he's like you want to suck my penis you like that you wanna suck my penis on this train you wanna stop my penis while he was friends with my hotline but he was mad chilly so you wanna share my blanket and i yeah i shared it with him okay he's a man he was a really nice guy yeah shout out to that [ __ ] cuban guy wherever you are or no i think he was white and his wife was cuban but he had like a weird accent play hide and seek on a date you like that it don't die i don't like that i don't like god that's [ __ ] that's murderer [ __ ] who would i i'd never in my life would look at selena be like let's play hide and go seek on a date that sounds like a really shitty bad netflix horror movie like i i could see how it's kind of cute right how like it's kind of cute to play hide and go seek but it's kind of [ __ ] weird i didn't seek it anywhere past 10 years old is weird you say hide and seek or hide and go seek i say hide and seek i say hide and go seek hide and go seek makes you sound more like a murderer yeah that's true hi and i'll go seek yeah yeah yeah you better hide and go seek let me ask you this go seeky let me ask you this for 10 million dollars yeah you have to survive 24 hours with five people hunting you no would you do it no because i don't no i don't want to ever be in a situation anything like that that's like some that's like hunger game [ __ ] that's weird what about a billion dollars i wouldn't survive what about a billion i wouldn't survive would you enter for a billion dollars you just have to survive 24 hours no [ __ ] now i would do it maybe if the other people weren't like good hunters and they were just normal no no they're normal people they're not like navy seals like no because i don't wanna yeah we got one now nah cause like my biggest fear is dying and it's gonna happen i know but just knowing that i would have a shot at a billion dollars i would try it like i wake up legit some days and i go [ __ ] i'm going to die yeah me too it kind of sucks but also but also hey if it happens and you know if you think about this we already were dead before we were born what do you remember before you were born yeah but would you rather die like so you're already dead so what are you being a [ __ ] about it yeah but would you rather die like you're just crossing the street like and someone just walks up behind you and shoots you in the head i used to think i'll go out from a few things that i just will accept like a heart attack but then i see stories about heart attacks and i'm like [ __ ] that sucks like i just want to pass out like i'd love to just like if any if there's anything so ironic i was so scared of getting anesthesia for the first time but if anything is like dying like anesthesia i want to die that way [Laughter] bro i wouldn't even have known if i would have died it was painless as [ __ ] all right so i knocked right out all right so would you rather not know you were going to die i'd rather not know i don't want to know so like just like back in the head dude that's what i was thinking about also in the gas station because there was a guy behind me i was like i wouldn't even know if it if it came i don't even know why i thought about that i was putting in my pin numbers yeah because there's all this [ __ ] garbage i was like three one three this guy might kill me in the back of my head four six okay is that your real thing no it's not all right i also also said like eight numbers yeah i was saying it's a long-ass bingo yeah all right um maybe uh take a dance class you'd like that i don't know i would like that that would be nice you do that yeah cause i like that to dance i like dancing yeah i like that i would yeah i would i like that i like that i think you would too it'd be mad funny because i feel like you have like really good hips i have really good hip movements i have really good hip movements yeah but like uh i don't know what to do with my upper body sometimes while i'm dancing yeah there was like this really funny night we were all in high school and like and like uh we were at our friend dylan's house the kid almost died by alligators and like we were in this kitchen and we just heard like what song was it uh manny fresh hey there yeah uh you looking kind of good represent your hood yeah yeah hey that show you looking kind of good that like just like new orleans bounce ass music yeah and like uh we just feel like oh oh and like me and max are in the kitchen and we're like what the hell is danny d what's going on there and we go in there and none of the the girls are dancing but they're all just staring at danny and danny just got up and did like the most stripper ass pop i've ever seen in my life danny put his hands like this and then he got down and like spread his legs and did like a butterfly thing it just was popping his ass like near this like [ __ ] fireplace or whatever is in dylan's like living room and me and matt so me and max were like talking about girls and i think we were like uh like he had this weird thing where he thought we were gonna go in there and danny was just making out with this girl and we get in there and danny's just popping his ass for like three girls and they're all like yeah it was the funniest [ __ ] ever me and max just laughed for a mad long day he's like why are you guys laughing because you're just [ __ ] stripper popping that puss yeah i knew what i was doing it was so funny and it was like to old school manny fresh [ __ ] music they used to be on video too oh yeah yeah you can't find it though you know what you know what video i actually saw the other day just made me think of like uh vine times like i found like uh my ridiculousness video oh yeah with the uh with the turkey it's so weird how many things we have out there like you have [ __ ] out there that got so many views it's crazy [ __ ] yeah it's wild yeah dude [ __ ] like you don't think about it because it's so old because neither of us are rich from that yeah i didn't make a [ __ ] dollar off of it um patreon guys yeah patreon.com we're suffering guys please uh thank you have a spa night you like that or you don't like that spawn spot like a spa like you get yourself no i don't like spas i think they're like you don't like that no i'd rather just have like my girlfriend massage my dick no i'd rather just no i'm joking i'd rather have like not really yeah but not really i'd rather have like i don't know i just i think spas are way too much money for to make you think that everything's better but it's really not oh honey it's like 20 it's like for what 24 hours and you wake up and like your back hurts again that is true that's true uh okay uh like if you're gonna i just think they're a little too expensive no they're they're spency they're spency they know what they're doing but like you know going getting a manicure and a pedicure those are fire i would do that i would do that because i don't know how i when i cut my nails i cut them down and they look short and they look better but they look jagged as [ __ ] yeah i don't i don't do the file you gotta find i don't like filing it makes it makes my teeth hurt you gotta file uh i like it though it feels weird i'm going actually to get mine done tomorrow i'm getting a mani pedi manny petty yeah i've never done one before i have to i have to do it you know i'm boxing now yeah dude every day when you have everything you pick your toes they smell like cheetos no i because i you know there's that little knife on a toe clipper yeah you could screw you can also scrub yeah so i i used to one time i did that all right i have two stories so hit me with them so i like that so one time i didn't know this i was like yo like there's like this like purple like something like on the edge of my toe yeah you know and i didn't know what like toe fungus was or whatever oh [ __ ] you had fungs i had fungus i don't get you and i picked it out and put it to my nose dude when i tell you it smelled so [ __ ] bad it was [ __ ] disgusting jesus and then one time when i was like 13 or 14. you had like a harry potter fantastical beast growing on your foot yep it was like it was like uh you know like in the last of us were like those clickers like they have [ __ ] growing out of their heads it looked like that dude it was gross i had to scrape it all off and it was like i don't know if it was an abscess or something but it was [ __ ] disgusting it was gross damn it's gross yeah it was disgusting um nasty nasty and then for some reason i never washed my belly button like i would never like consciously wash my belly button and then like one time in like eighth grade i put my finger on my belly button and then touched my nose and my belly button smelled so [ __ ] bad bro wow you didn't clean your belly button ever i never really thought about it because it's such a small little area yeah but i still did it i'd get in there oh now i i do it but yeah belly buttons [ __ ] stink dude i don't i've never smelled it bro they're [ __ ] disgusting i i didn't i didn't the time that i smelled like my toe i was like by accident i don't like i don't i don't like i don't like like doing there's been like i'll to get my pit and be like uh but i don't like smell my own [ __ ] really no but like you when you i'm like oh i'm so gross when you scratch your butt you don't smell your fingers i mean everybody maybe when i was younger bro i don't get in there anymore because i know what [ __ ] smells like yeah yeah i know what a shitty butt smells like bro have you ever like i'm not gonna like smell it i'm like well that's different today the worst the worst thing about butthole [ __ ] is [ __ ] buttholes too in the shower it's like if you have butt hair yeah it's like you're going through like a goddamn like meteor shower like there's so many dingleberries and [ __ ] lint and stuff stuck in your [ __ ] [ __ ] do you think that's because you like it or are you detecting whether it's bad or or is it an instinct thing from back when we were like [ __ ] apes well this is what i think about it because the apes do that it's part of that it's part of that checking in with our bodies but nobody likes the smell of [ __ ] very rare like you have to be a disgusting freak they're like you know i don't mean like fetishes an absolute animal [ __ ] is [ __ ] shit's disgusting right you know what i mean so but anytime i've ever touched my ass i kind of contribute it to like when you wipe your ass you know you always look at your doo-doo on your toilet paper right well because you need a doo-doo gauge yeah you need to do gauge and you need the smell gauge like how stinky is my [ __ ] anus yeah you need a doodoo gauge you got to know what you're working with if i can't imagine wiping my butt without looking because i wouldn't know what's going on no you need to know what what is happening with your [ __ ] also like i get it in there now because i get wet wipes yeah yeah because there's no grosser feeling than like going back and you didn't even poop you just peed and you just check your butt anyway and there's just [ __ ] just do do rest just dude like that [ __ ] is some of y'all are really walking around with boo booty boo boo rez boots that [ __ ] is gross yo you guys need to double clean your butts yeah i really feel that wipes man i'm telling you because a lot of y'all are walking out with [ __ ] [ __ ] uh [ __ ] [ __ ] smeared in your butt [ __ ] [ __ ] shingles oh it's clean and like i don't buy i don't buy white underwear anymore one time my girlfriend was taking off like her underwear because like whatever whatever like you're with not like one of my exes and like i just saw like i just saw her under i'm like that thing is up her ass yeah and i'm just thinking about that string is just [ __ ] flossing poop oh yeah it's been if it's been like a day if it's been a day for a girl sounded like the hulks are brothers it's been like a day it's been like a day up your ass dude it's always sounding cookie monster yeah right you can't do hulk you got a thumb up your ass got a bomb up your ass dude you know it's tussling like like girls like like i think about because like listen girls you guys are humans right so songs are so weird and then you'll ask them they'll be like it's comfortable bro i would be such a self-conscious chick i'd be like i'm gonna go in there and i'm gonna shove a [ __ ] like i'm not saying this is a joke i would shove in i would have like a racist hose up my ass like literally oh yeah i would literally like [ __ ] just like yes daddy just like prison [ __ ] like like [ __ ] you know what i mean like the high the shits that the massagers you never do you never do the man pond what the hell's that sounds like a jamaican dance so like if i go to it like if i go to like something that's gonna be an outdoor event like uh like let's say like a concert or baseball game or or a party at a house like you know like in a backyard or whatever right like and i know it's going to be warm i'll take one sheet of toilet paper right and i'll place it in the crevice of my ass and i'll let it sit there and it's and it's called the man pond no it's gross nah dude it's good for like booty sweat and stuff hill you've never used the man pond before no i just i don't want there to feel like there's like a [ __ ] handkerchief in my butthole oh no but this this goes back to the thong it's like you don't feel it when it's in there is that what it is is that what girls say yeah they like it's it's i feel i get more wedgies have you ever seen your girl for your exes or anyone's like like uh they're like their doo-doo panties no no i've never seen never seen doo doo panties no i've never seen doo doo you've never seen dude i've never seen dude that wasn't mine i've seen i don't know like not like a but i mean like you know like you've never seen a smear on someone else's panties never you don't look at your girlfriend's panties when like they're on the floor or just like nah it's definitely like a normal like it happens no like yeah i mean when you live with each other you think that you would see like stuff but no oh i mean i definitely have seen an x and i was like damn that's a poopy smear bro i've never i've never seen and i'm very like i like like the way that i asked mom if if her and dad were naked that one time when they were in bed when i call him having sex i'm very like i'll ask questions i'd be like have you ever had like poop on your underwear and like like i remember i asked like that and i'm not gonna say the person's name from back in the day uh though you're gonna say i'm not gonna say the person's name but mom no no no no no it wasn't mom it was someone that i dated in high school so oh okay that doo doo-doo or after high school i'm sorry after high school yeah like i went in the room and i was like oh man i'm so happy to be here we're gonna have sex and i just [ __ ] saw dude remember that vine sound all the vinegars you see the prank yeah yeah that's what i've heard when i saw dan that's an instant boner killer too yeah but like then again like i did it anyway i'm like yeah but but then i'm like oh it's gross then i'm like i want to smell it no i'm just kidding no no but but i'm like they're humans too you know what i mean like i don't really care see as long as it doesn't here's where as long as i can't like as long as i'm not giving you back shots and i'm just getting due to whiffs yeah that's gross yeah clean your [ __ ] ass there was even if you're a guy and i'm pounding your butthole like clean your butt there was one story of a guy that i knew um clean that ass uh that i knew in college at westchester community college and um he was he said i told the story where he was having sex with a girl once and he had a white t-shirt on and he was oh i know the story and he was doing back shots i was with them later that day to go to the beach were you yeah and he told me that story oh i forgot you knew him too yeah that's right yeah yeah he had the [ __ ] johnny cash yeah yeah yeah yeah he had the ring of fire on his shirt yeah yeah yeah so he said it was like a little poop a circular poop that was getting more poopy with each shot [Laughter] god that story when i heard that story i was like yeah like every time i hear that kanye line though now it's like if i if i [ __ ] this model just bleach the wrath i can't in good faith get like my dong sucked and no i got like stanky like why would you do that to somebody no no i love being full-on clean so i can just like ran my [ __ ] yeah yeah actually i don't really rant but like i want but like that's what's in case but just in case you're gonna have like a wild night and i would be slapping your face with my dong a little bit you know what i mean i don't wanna like i'm not gonna it's bad enough i wanna i wanna disrespect you no i'm just kidding i don't know but it's bad enough we're gonna do some nasty things why stink when you're gonna do it no you don't wanna stink when you do the nasty and even if we are gonna do it and we're both nasty i'm i'm gonna breathe through my mouth some dudes like that though just like yeah like don't shower yeah yeah there was a guy on the on uh that called into some place once and he was like that shit's [ __ ] gross and he said i like the smell of poopy oh when like eating a girl he said i like the smell of poop you know you know what i never really understood two foot fetishes yeah there's nothing hot about a foot it's a sweaty hand like a sweaty little hand like you know how feet have toes yeah yeah last time i checked you know yeah like toes look like they're not supposed to be on your foot for some reason they look they they look like weird little growth they just look like really long hands yeah they're gross feet are gross yo your toes are short and your hand and your fingers are long yeah dude yeah brother i think this was the t is [ __ ] me but like yeah no like your feet well because think about think about how perfect everything is like you walk with your feet and they're supposed to be shorter because if you had hands it would suck to walk yeah well your toes are there for balance yeah yeah but isn't it crazy how a body just knows what to do for life yeah dudes like even other even the greatest invention on earth even other animals like they their defense mechanisms are perfect for just how they are it's crazy also did you know like sloths like they move so slow they don't do anything all day like pests just grow and live in them like other kingdoms of bugs just live in like all different types of bugs but also they have some [ __ ] i feel like we have that too humans though right so they get they've adapted so much to all the insects that bite them and spread diseases that they believe that they are also have like super genes they have like something that could potentially create like virus killing serums like cancer and everything [ __ ] sloth serums all sloths wouldn't it be ironic though one of the [ __ ] dumbest not dumb but like the laziest [ __ ] animal they have to be dumb dude it's always weird [ __ ] like that in life that's like a sloth has to be a [ __ ] idiot also think about this the other day isn't rap the most ironic thing talking about being poor makes you rich yeah that's [ __ ] crazy yeah or like talking you're a lifestyle also it's also the only genre that like people like have killed each other yeah they go yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean yeah imagine if like john lennon and paul mccartney killed each other yeah it's weird it's almost like a prerequisite to have like beef is like a thing you know like other celebrities beef but they just like settle it in court or something yeah it's crazy to think about yeah benny the butcher apparently just bodied freddie gibbs yeah freddie gibbs gets beat up all the time yeah i feel like he's always talking [ __ ] and he gets bodied he's out here getting beat up this guy's an idiot also why is he even fizzy is he actually nice is he good at rapping hell yeah oh he's nice yeah i never i don't really listen also where the [ __ ] did he come from you actually you actually would you would like freddie gibbs actually why because he's like old school yeah isn't he like 40 where the [ __ ] did he come from this guy right now freddie gibbs i don't even know where this guy came from he just like got famous out of nowhere but uh i almost searched freddie mercury i can't believe you've never seen poopy panties no i've never seen poopy panties it's normal it's a normal thing i mean i don't even know why i asked he is 40. yeah he's like 40 years old you're getting beat up over rap at 40 yeah and running away well he's probably getting jammed who knows oh what about this i was also in buffalo i think yes back to back to the dates though uh read each other romance novels oh yeah we gotta go back to dates i don't like that that's boring as [ __ ] yeah imagine read to me what is this [ __ ] 1717 yeah what are we [ __ ] 60 year old [ __ ] english people yeah what are you gonna write me a letter with a [ __ ] feather god you might as well tell me you wanna watch [ __ ] bridget jones diary yeah do you wanna watch [ __ ] uh what was that [ __ ] show that was huge you wanna watch [ __ ] uh bridger tint like i don't wanna watch that [ __ ] remember bridget jones's diary hell yeah people lost their [ __ ] over that movie yeah they did they did is that renee zellwega yeah she looks weird renee's elega she looks really really weird doesn't she yeah she's i like that one line where jim carrey says in you myself and irene where she looks like she she her face looks like she's sucked on a lemon that's true it's like so i smoked a little pot what is that illegal yeah uh-huh i love that [ __ ] goddamn movie see a comedy show you like that or don't like oh i like that yeah how would you feel if a comedian made fun of your girlfriend um i would feel i i'm not gonna lie the part where i relate with will is like it would make me feel bad if she was really sad i'd be like oh this little [ __ ] [ __ ] kid but i'm not gonna slap anybody no not at a show right if some guy randomly comes up and i'm then i'm gonna lose my [ __ ] i think a little bit verbally it's kind of like an understanding like when you go to a comedy show that you might get [ __ ] right which is fine i'm fine with that i'm definitely fine with getting shad on um i would also expect someone that i'm with though to be cool enough to expect it to you know yeah but listen to some of these dates dude but also there are a lot of things i try to like harden my girl about like yeah you can't be getting like like if you're gonna be with me i gotta like joke you know what i'm saying right i have to be able to [ __ ] on you yeah which we are like i'll say something about her and she likes son to me for being bald that was kind of hard [ __ ] i was kind of hot good for her i know right yeah good for her she said something like at least i can grow my hair all right that's kind of fire it's good for her they'll be [ __ ] no it's kidding but uh but yeah no like i want to be with somebody like she knows that i i like she's soft in a lot of ways but i try to harden her up yeah because we're ball busters yeah we go too far you're a ball buster you're more of a ball buster than me but like i'm definitely a ball buster too yeah these somebody you have to be as a guy growing up in our [ __ ] family i feel like yeah the younger guy you wouldn't have survived no everyone bust each other's balls i bust your balls one of these is called the date balls plus your balls uh declutter together what is that like clean together no that's weird i don't like that i'll tell you this i like like we clear at the same time okay but like i'm not gonna like look at you and talk about it who the [ __ ] wants to clean together yeah that's not hot that's not i don't like it i can see how it could be therapeutic i guess but [ __ ] you go to an open house [ __ ] that i guess if you're looking for a place yeah that's like situational go berry picking or apple picking i've never been berry picking let's go bury people go bury people together i like that that's hot [ __ ] murder someone [ __ ] eat someone's heart together just murder a [ __ ] this i've never picked berries in my life you ever heard of stephen mcdaniel the guy who was uh on the news like acting like he didn't he sounded like imagination i feel like he didn't know where he was acting like on the knees acting like he didn't know where uh his neighbor was because she was missing and and uh and um yes is this the guy that got interviewed yeah and he [ __ ] killed her i just watched the whole thing did you ever watch his [ __ ] interrogation yes dude where he's like yes yeah no no yes i don't know you know that [ __ ] is [ __ ] scary yeah but but and then he's like staring the guys and the detective's like look at me and he goes yeah so this guy's but he's not even like that he was playing he was playing weird like crazy on purpose because he's a law student yeah there are a lot he's normal he's talking normal yeah well they're they're these two people stephen mcdaniel then this other girl this girl that he [ __ ] killed he stalked her and killed her yeah and killed her so the news came and he did a [ __ ] live interview and then during the live interview there he's told that we they found the body and he didn't know so he hid her body parts like in different sections of this university like a [ __ ] idiot yeah also dude you know how many killers have been caught by dumpster [ __ ] it's like i'm gonna put a little i'm gonna put a link here yeah yo if you find one leg you're gonna be [ __ ] someone's gonna look for the rest of the body bro people are always fi by the stink too like that body that was found is the smell in yonkers next to our old house yeah i can't believe we almost lived near there too yeah yeah you haven't thought of the smell you [ __ ] but like a box a glass bomb but yeah this guy's on he's getting interviewed and she's like well they found like a body whatever he goes a body and he sounds mad shocked like live on television and then they interrogate the guy and these detectives suck by the way they're so bad he's like we found the blood steven steven he's like we got your hair and he lie like bad cops dude just like lying about stuff does that make sense no yes they're like do you know her steven he'd be like yes but he's talking like that and he's completely normal in the interview on tv though remember that [ __ ] guy from uh that bashed his parents heads in with the hammer that dude on dr phil is like oh yeah that guy was weird yeah that guy's that dude is [ __ ] crazy dr phil's like so you just killed your mom he's like yeah wait why was he allowed to be on a tv show because like dr phil went to interview him and he was like medicated as [ __ ] he was like can you like just bash your mom's head in repeatedly dr floyd will ask wild kid yeah yeah no he's crazy so you just like bludgeoned your mom to death he's like so after you just brutally bludgeoned your bloody mother to death and then he's just like yeah so you just savagely killed your mom you don't care like he's getting one word answers from this tranquilized [ __ ] murderer so you're just gonna beat the ever-loving [ __ ] out of your mom and you're fine with that yeah he's so [ __ ] yeah he does ask crazy questions you're right what in the frickin mode grass are you talking about what in the [ __ ] what in the absolute [ __ ] canary wings are you even talking about what in the dire shake shack sandwich you talking about son where is he from i don't know let's look that up dr phil yeah where's dr phil from honestly that's not right do you like dr phil yeah i like dr phil i like him better than dr oz no i like dr oz more than doctor no cause doctor fake ass [ __ ] willem dafoe he's a hairy bastard dude have you ever seen doc doctor dr oz i see him ripped too he's kind of ripped but like he's so [ __ ] hairy that like his chest hair comes out of like his v-neck scrubs oh he's that kind of hairy yeah he's like he's like he's like neve shulman yeah he's like yeah neve is the hairiest person i've ever seen yeah catfish guy yeah if you guys don't know that is that's the catfish man eve come on the show come on the show do you still talk to nate yeah i text him uh i text him sometimes he answered me like like recently yeah we talk sometimes in the ass somebody wants to come on the show and and i would love if neve came on i think he would and then ask him if like if he'll shave my chest he probably would do it um first time i met neve he was just like such a [ __ ] dude he was just working on he's like yeah come over here like to my garage he's like [ __ ] he's okay i mean that wrench he's like [ __ ] fixing his old [ __ ] motorbike from like 1932. yeah i [ __ ] i love catfish and we got his old like [ __ ] nothing but gas [ __ ] car and he goes and i'm like where are we going he goes we're gonna go watch the new lego movie that's awesome yeah it was a cool night that's awesome and that's a nave and i met his brother and his brother apparently is one of we all went to dinner one day and uh neve was like yeah tell everyone like you know what you do and i'm like uh i'm like some internet [ __ ] and he's like no come on man tell me what you do i'm like i just do internet [ __ ] i don't know what to say because his brother's like one of the guys who i think helped create or worked on like paranormal activity yeah they made that movie for 35 000 do you know how much money that movie made like uh 250 million something something like that yeah with a budget of thirty five thousand dollars yeah jesus uh i like doctor his brother kind of like intimidated me it's weird yeah some people just have an intimidating presence i hate when i can't crack somebody's tough exterior he just gave me i was like this guy definitely bothered you when you were young i wanted to be like did your brother like you and brother fight a lot no he was cool there neve is the man though i love neve have you ever have you ever been yes yo neve shulman come on the show doug uh have you ever seen a drive-through movie have you ever been to a drive-in movie uh no i like that i would do that i would do that you could do that you could do that upstate i think yeah no i've been there i like that i like that i go drive in drive to movies selena and i went during covet it was actually kind of yeah um do you know how to skate uh no but i would like to skate i feel like i feel like i have a good mind to figure it out like you could figure that out i think you have the motor skills to pick up yeah motor skills that's what i'm thinking yeah um apparently i don't have the brain to think of the word motor skills what about go on a cruise no i don't like you you don't like that i don't want to be on a body of water like almost die like you know leonardo dicaprio i don't like that do you think you would ever be able to actually function on a cruise or do you think that you would literally try to jump off i would be able to function no i wouldn't want to that's the whole thing i'm scared of some woman just jumped off a cruise for [ __ ] what she was getting arrested on a cruise yeah so like they have does this [ __ ] think she's an olympian where's she gonna go so they literally have a a brick right they have a cr like cruise jail yeah yeah yeah that they will throw you in for the entirety of the cruise and you'll be in jail what if you do something bad that makes sense because you're with a bunch of humans are wild yeah so you like if you're [ __ ] awful they'll literally throw you in the break right so this one oh yeah this one was gonna break yeah she was gonna get thrown in the brig and she decided she was like no get off of me she jumped off the [ __ ] side of the cruise ship what and they like fired off these like alarms and sirens and tried to find her they couldn't find her is she dead yeah she's dead she's gotta be dead yeah she's dead [ __ ] but like they were like yo you hear them on the thing they were like yeah we can't find her we're gonna leave but the coast guard i would rather drown than go to jail dude put me in jail all day yeah i'm getting the food three meals a day they fix your teeth you know how scary and weird drowning is yeah it's all quiet and [ __ ] yeah i'd rather get like yours die i feel i've heard like drowning so painful too yeah bro it's like it's like a million million needles just smacking you in your nose and you're just like like what people don't understand is you can drown and live like people have lived i almost drowned twice i got saved by kana and your friend alex saved my life when i was younger yep i couldn't i was like i can't touch the ground and he just came back and saved me like a little [ __ ] mermaid that kid challenged them at an arcade well you like video games you like that was that kid's name alex what alex colon yeah you should find him i think i did at one point he was one of those kids that had like a six-pack in fourth grade i was like dude what do you do like did you do like i had one of those i had that too yeah you were always probably like i was always a [ __ ] floater that was a big float yeah you were [ __ ] fat loser fat loser of all time me and danny were talking danny was like i don't really like goat wait did we just talk about that on the on this cast yeah i just forget about that yeah dude fattest loser of all time dog it's gonna fire though i like that i like that uh make a playlist for your lover um no because i don't trust my like dude i don't trust your ear one of the most embarrassing things for me is showing a girl a song and she's like nah like you know what i mean i hate that so i don't i never make a playlist okay um i would i would make a playlist if i knew her songs maybe you know what kind of date you would like but i'm not really that i don't remember like colors and [ __ ] you know what kind of date you would like paint and drink where you go where you go like you paint together mm-hmm you drink wine yeah i do that i think you would like that yeah it's kind of i think you would like that adorable um i'd probably like that yeah i like that what about this one right in a hot air balloon you like that or you don't like that no i'd rather go on a plane that's my one of my my biggest fears that still even though i've only done it twice thank god i pushed myself but like our planes but yeah hot air balloon probably a bigger fear than [ __ ] that right because you're just like bro if the thing just goes just like goes out you die i just don't like anything that you're one big gust of wind away from perishing yeah [ __ ] that thing yeah yeah i don't like that i would do like i would almost i would rather go parachuting than a hot air balloon yeah me too because at least you're with some dude who's done who's done like yeah i've done like 150 dives yeah his name's like gunther yeah she's [ __ ] throwing shotguns at the yeah and there's always like a backup thing like a hot air balloon goes you're [ __ ] no you're so [ __ ] murked you didn't [ __ ] that um it's like the most dorkiest way to die to your like you know [ __ ] little basket like a [ __ ] apple bro listen to the fruit arrangement you just die like a [ __ ] like a fruit [ __ ] s plummeting fruit or a shitty fruit dying in a basket like a [ __ ] pumpkin and [ __ ] halloween and the harvesting years i'm talking about all right go ahead i never understood that is that a like thanksgiving it's just like a basket of like fruits nobody likes yeah yeah like i don't yeah it's weird it's like there's fruits in the basket that i never even knew or veggie like squash yeah or like those little pumpkins that have like herpes and that weird like plant that's yeah yeah the little bumpy ones and that weird plant that like no one even knows what that plant is and it's like painted silver and it's hard yeah i've never understood i think mom just had weird-ass decorations that is true she did have weird stuff like our mom always had to put something on the door yeah she always put bells on the door mom was a [ __ ] 99-cent store goddess oh yeah she lived in that [ __ ] she would just come home with like yeah and then i always tell people about the costume i started on before on the podcast oh yeah she literally instead of buying me like a costume she just drew an ant the front of an ant and the back of an ant and then put the [ __ ] cardboard like over my [ __ ] body and i just like walked around with like like an ant on my chest yeah you know selena's mom would help selena like with projects right so like one time she was in like third grade and made a made like a solar system mm-hmm but like it like showed like the inside of the planets or something right so like it was like mad it had like layered crust yeah it had like layered shades like rotated and [ __ ] like that's like brilliant scientist [ __ ] so her mom made it with her like you know like selena did it too but like her mom helped like right and the teacher like brought her aside it was like who made this uh selena yeah she was like where'd you buy this like questioning this little child yeah what a weird like where'd you buy this right like whatever and he was she was like i made it yeah she was like no you didn't stupid [ __ ] yeah like yo imagine getting that upset about a [ __ ] kid bringing a goddamn like ringing in the sun like what does he relax yeah we trying to find a [ __ ] young child for cheating also what do you expect this child to make [ __ ] like lit up and [ __ ] like like yeah selena's mom was od with schools like school [ __ ] yeah no mom was really creative too like when i made like that volcano thing that was dope yeah that's the one thing i think i would love to do with my kids i would help them with their projects now because i like i like proving to myself like i'm mad smart i can create some dope [ __ ] first of all there's no way i'm letting my kid go to school with the dumbest project nah no way because that's a direct reflection that's a direct reflection of you because everybody knows that parents do those projects right and honestly mom being that creative when we younger is what i think made us creative for sure also we would tell her like four hours before school that we had a [ __ ] native american [ __ ] diorama because dad would help but dad wouldn't just like make things out of nowhere mom was like that dad was good for like sketching ninja turtles and like doing [ __ ] like that yeah like art like the [ __ ] writer side yeah [ __ ] that part of your brain mom was like creating things like projects like yeah if you ask dad to like make like a diorama of like the planets like there would be like three of them right that's where i think mom's very diy yeah she's she's a diy queen she is she'll be like she's the kind of woman like no back in the day she probably would have made mad money off of like etsy or some [ __ ] youtube channel if you would have me there's no way that i'm letting my [ __ ] first of all my puerto rican-ass looking son probably yeah go there and look stupid and go to school and look [ __ ] stupid right there's no way i'm letting that happen like i'm doing as much as i can and by me i'm making selena do it but like i'm doing as much of like you want to hear the link i i can't for some reason i don't know why but i cannot allow my kid to like do what i did to just be a [ __ ] horrible representation of their family they're gonna say [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah i can't let my kid be a [ __ ] right no i i feel you you want your kid to like impress people yeah i like i want i i want to live vicariously through my child which sounds we live we live in a crazy time though man is there are there a lot of things you feel like you're like are there like no-nos for you like that you don't want from like your son or your daughter like oh i have a great question for you too okay but i just asked you yeah yeah yeah like a no no like in terms of like is there something like like like don't be a lesbian or something no no not that no because you were like our society is kind of weird are you cool with like your kid being straight up gay no no no obviously i know like you'd be fine but i mean like like like would you let like would you be like be honest would you be like piss if your daughter was like a porn star [ __ ] yeah dude i'd feel horrible right would you make i wouldn't make her feel like [ __ ] but i'm not gonna lie i'd be like ah [ __ ] yeah yeah i feel like dude what did i do wrong so so they're like i mean like the thing is is porn is different now yeah but it's still it's like but like imagine like hearing from like your friends you know i mean like damn your daughter like imagine like your guy friend comes to you we're gonna like piss on her face bro but like three guys yeah i'd be like [ __ ] goddamn it then your friends like your friends are probably like i wouldn't but i wouldn't do i wouldn't like disown her though i wouldn't do something like mentally [ __ ] up [ __ ] because there are some things that i think people just don't deserve i would definitely be [ __ ] like i'd be like oh god no i would be ashamed if if either my son or my daughter were a porn star but then like you look at me though like they're gonna look at me and the internet's thinking about like [ __ ] like that but that's what i mean that's why i don't think i mean like i'd be like i would just i think we would both let go of it after a while i don't think like i'm not going to disown my kid because i don't want them to turn out to be like like how hardcore how hardcore is it is it like feet stuck like pissing in her eye to god that daughter sucks i mean no pun intended i don't know there's a part of me that's like okay are you being safe are you getting like and they're like dad i'm 100 safe and i'm like how much money you're making she's like like a hundred thousand a shot i'd be like all right let me manage you i'd be like basically i'd be like yeah let me answer that yeah right just like introduce me to like a couple of your friends or i'd go there and i'd be like listen you're gonna pee on my daughter you make sure you do it on her cheeks all right nothing on the forehead i just like i just extra i don't i don't want to be responsible like for my child i like i don't want my child to ever hate me you know what i mean right like i think i think that's where i come from i don't like that i think back in the day i'd be like oh this is disgusting and appalling so let me ask you but also like i've like like you know i mean like i jerk off like i just feel like it's very hypocritical you want to you want a crazy hypothetical yeah give it to me would you rather have a gay son or a thot daughter well i don't that's a tough one no it's not i wouldn't care if my son's gay though no no no but i'm just saying you have to pick one i'm going gay son all the time i'm going gay son i'm going gay son but then are we being sexist for saying like our daughter's just like very like sexually active i mean if i have to pick and i have no choice at all give me that gabriel i'm in a weird situation i'm gonna pick my gay ass yeah let me get my gas on too i'd probably i'd just i'd rather much rather have a gay son i just think that's a shitty [ __ ] comparison no it's like you just have to pick that's just what you have i don't i just i would just i don't know i'd have a gay son i don't think i'd rather anything i just have a gay son i guess though i mean no i'm going gay i'm going gay son dude well the thing is is like we're just in a different it's not like 1950 anymore your son's not gonna get like [ __ ] you know i mean it's still really bad though like you can still get in trouble and [ __ ] i don't know but uh i don't know i think about it like who's gonna get more [ __ ] that's what i'm saying that's all it's about so it's not about like we both are pro gay um i probably i would probably i don't know who would get who would get more [ __ ] i don't know i'd have to see like what the [ __ ] stats on that are i guess i don't know that's a [ __ ] hard ass question though because you know i don't know who get i would i would think i think gay guys i think gay people get more [ __ ] yeah so i would be tougher but i feel like i don't protect him if i could make a choice and like if he's not gonna get more [ __ ] then i'd probably pick a thought daughter because i don't want my son to like have a hard life right but i'd also be like yo listen to me you go to school and they call you gay you'd be like god damn right i suck huge dicks i want you to go there and say i suck big fat ass [ __ ] bro what are you gonna do about it yeah beat that kid's ass see that could work i don't know if i could tell you shouldn't tell kids to be violent but still no you shouldn't tell kids to be violent but you should tell kids stand up if my kids gay as [ __ ] and [ __ ] kids are threatening to beat them up i'm going to be like yo beat the [ __ ] out of those kids or i'm going to teach you right now at least how to slap like a [ __ ] bad [ __ ] yeah just let the [ __ ] out of that just go there and [ __ ] slap the [ __ ] out of them at least don't go that you know what i mean like if you go down you go down you'll probably get jumped but like you know what i mean i would just be like yeah but i didn't think about that you're right like i'd be like if anyone ever says anything to you so you're gonna knock him out and suck his dick yes yeah it'd be like yeah yeah you just really dude i'm gonna not only gonna beat the [ __ ] out of you i'm gonna suck your penis yeah hell yeah it's [ __ ] awesome yeah emasculate the [ __ ] you see that video though what a [ __ ] terrible hard question though and it's like because i don't want him to get i wouldn't want my kid to get [ __ ] at school no but because they get more picked on than like girls that just suck my d's but would you want your daughter to get pregnant at an early age no that would be sad too but like but also i mean i don't i don't know if that i mean i guess that get that definitely gets judgment too yeah that's what i'm saying because you know younger when you're in high school oh my god that's what i'm saying like i feel like in the world the way the world is now like being gay you catch a little less heat right but do you think it's okay do you think if a kid went to a school and every parent was like they're gays like everywhere and they were like you need to accept that do you think kids would be nicer in schools or still be bullies like if we didn't teach the norm is just some boy and a girl oh do you think if parents did that as like a prerequisite well i think i think it's whatever they see like with parents right so if they see a guy and a girl parent yeah a traditional i guess if you want to use that word if it's a traditional guy girl uh relationship yeah yeah yeah if they see two men kissing they're gonna be inquisitive and they're probably gonna be a little judgmental because it's not their norm well i'm not gonna lie when i was younger there was this kid next to me at the urinal and i'm [ __ ] you know brown there was like this white kid came up to me it was the craziest [ __ ] like i feel like there's a metaphor here there's a white kid and then a black kid next to me and like because the neopolitan black his dick was huge no but like it was uh it was it was one of my black one of my one of my friends this black kid uh [ __ ] i forgot his name and then this white kid was next to me i don't know who the white kid was yeah i remember my friend being next to me it was like a field trip and we were at like a museum or something i don't know we went to go pee and you're younger so like you just like oh damn that's a that's a black penis that's a white ass [ __ ] penis like it looks like a little [ __ ] brand new baby mouth did you look at both dicks i looked at both dicks damn bro you looked at both your friends cox because i'm sitting there and one kid dude some kids were like they wouldn't go in like you know how you go in you hide your dick a little bit yeah this kid was like just out he's like what up like his penis was just he was pissing from like five feet away but it was huge and so was the white kid and uh and it was i just saw like a little white ass pink mouse penis and then this [ __ ] like [ __ ] uh [ __ ] black penis and i'm just sitting there and i'm like there's just these two different dicks and i'm younger and in my young ass mind i'm like oh my god these are two very different looking penises right and i had this little like [ __ ] brown average boy in the middle and i felt like it was like a [ __ ] it was like a metaphor or something but like i'm just i just remember being younger and i'm like these are two different looking dicks and now as i got older i'm like is it like is it like racist to think that as a kid like you're like oh that's a pink penis that's a black penis no that's not racist you're just it's i'm it's different you know what i'm saying it's a little gay but like you know yeah but yeah but like i was just sitting there like [ __ ] like this penis is different that penis is different which penis did you look at first this is gonna have i'll find out if you're racist or not i don't even i don't i don't remember i ever tell you the story i think i looked at my black friend's penis longer though because it was it was a beautiful penis the white people scared me more to be honest they're very pink yeah it just looked like it looked like a [ __ ] brand new mouse with like veins it was weird but i remember like i remember seeing both dongs and i'm just like whoa what the hell these p these penises are different than mine or how's that why is that look like because i was checking those i was not they were snipped i wasn't snipped either yeah yeah no i remember when i first saw uh when i saw jared's penis when we were kids i was like his penis don't look that bad yeah it doesn't look like that i said my penis i didn't look like that at all and that's how i found out that jared was circling we weren't circ and i was like this sucks i remember i'll never forget though hanging out with this kid from high school and goes down you get like cheese i was like no because so gross because i cleaned my penis bro would you ever take like a class with your girlfriend anything what do you mean a sex class no no no like a like a class like a circumcised class like an improv class um no i'd rather that's like something i'd do at home for fun could you could you have improv classes are cool but i don't think i would like to do it you know what i think is weird when couples have the same occupation why why do you think it's weird because i kind of feel like i know what you're going to say it's just like if like it's just like competitive you think not competitive yeah but it would just it would just be so i would feel so bad if i was doing better at the same thing right and vice versa and then i would be jealous not like not jealous but like they're doing so much better at the same thing that i do i feel like it would cause a lot of friction yeah i mean maybe you would probably have like a moment where you have like a block and then they just like come up with something that's not your idea something like that and then you're like and then they're saying use it against you maybe or something i don't know no i think it's like also it's like i want a little variety well you just want them to do something different like what so you could be like curious and ask about it yeah so it's like you know i do whatever i do right and then i don't think i would care i don't think i would care i think it would be interesting i think it would be interesting i mean um but i see the competitive part of it like dan like if she's doing better than you than it and you're like damn i suck i get it but like floating around i don't know like would you be mad if selena made more money than you [ __ ] no right take care of me i kind of wish she did take care of me boss notch you know right like at some point i hope she makes way more money than me yeah cause it's [ __ ] way easier dude i would be a house husband like that i wouldn't give a [ __ ] also what you're like guys that care what are we [ __ ] in the suffrage still i think i think men would be like emasculated by that i don't give a [ __ ] give a [ __ ] i'm not dude i'm gonna suck your [ __ ] mad hard every night let me get a [ __ ] twenty dollars i don't give a [ __ ] i'm just gonna suck you mad good if i if my girlfriend started making millions of dollars i'm gonna [ __ ] suck the [ __ ] out of her ass and then she's like yo wait let me get this straight i get an allowance and i get to stay home with the kids all day yeah what the [ __ ] i'll be dude i'm gonna do that [ __ ] already now my woman started making crazy money i'm gold digging hard [ __ ] yeah dude i'm doing whatever they want i'm gonna be a [ __ ] horrible horrible friend win the lottery dude i'm gonna do what i'll suck your [ __ ] onion nips i'll do all that stuff whatever you want is yours what about cultivated garden that sounds like a nice date that's what the hell is that like i think we're making a horticulture like a horticulture yeah like uh like start a window garden oh that would be fire i like that that's healthy that's a nice that's a nice little date i think that'd be [ __ ] cool yeah what about the what about the [ __ ] mini johanna yeah it'd be nice play a role-playing game like sex no well no not nothing sucks but like play like i'm a cheetah you're a [ __ ] rascal no like dungeons and dragons together what would you really like that would you role play ass um i've always i've always wanted to role play as like uh like like somebody from the past oh you want to be like yeah i'll suck my dick shane yeah like kind of like that like humphrey bogart yeah you want to have a valentine's day massacre and your girlfriend's piss sorry selena i'm sorry i had to say it no or like suck my dick see [ __ ] look at it once huh or maybe like a dinosaur maybe can you give me one of those real quick dinosaur yeah you like that like you just like show you my penis now you're just like busting your journey [Laughter] like i'm kind of like a t-rex can you do a dinosaur that's terrible that was not good you saw it you sound like an old jewish guy dying [Music] no i don't think i could do a dinosaur [Applause] that was not good no it's like yeah that's that's what i was going for it sounded like a tokyo drifting car yeah that did that's unlike an audio the [ __ ] that kind of sounded like a like a seagull but like a pterodactyl yeah yeah that sounded like a dinosaur relative yeah that sounded like a like a pterodactyl knife oh let me try t-rex one more time i gotta get into it okay [Music] it's like that kind of that was pretty good yeah why can't i do it i used to be able to do it i lost it i'm like the dad and stepped instead bros that was kind of good that was pretty good that was kind of like like godzilla kind of yeah that's like the t-rex yeah but i can do remember that little remember uh who's the guy from seinfeld the fat guy newman when he gets killed by that thing oh yeah yeah it goes okay it goes uh yeah yeah that sound it makes yeah those little ass things he thinks they're cute and then there's like 50 of them and they all eat them oh yeah that's like jurassic park some [ __ ] yeah and every time i see that old shaving can i think about that scene yeah right yeah that is true he gets killed in it right he's like uh oh yeah he guys like the hack or whatever the [ __ ] yep dude jurassic park was a [ __ ] classic park they're coming out with a new one i think yeah the last one and they're bringing back all the old peeps i've always just wanted to put a [ __ ] mosquito and like sap because that movie can you do like any weird you think can you do any like noise impersonations that are really good what the hell's that they used to be the uh [ __ ] bird that lived outside of my apartment and you would talk to it literally yeah i would talk to it and sit outside my apartment i was like yo like is that a bird or a human like dying sounds like someone's gargling jizz and i was like yeah what's up bro yo have you ever heard like did i ever talk about the night that i was just like the night i was like chilling in my bathroom like taking a [ __ ] at like 4 00 a.m and they're like oh help me no bro i heard someone scream like once and that was it it was the weirdest [ __ ] thing ever it was like 4 am and it just that was there was only one and that was it the [ __ ] bro and i don't know if it's and then you're thinking like damn could i have can i like but no one's like got you know you don't see anything i don't remember anybody miss you or anything little god help me if something happened like a week later i'd be like yo that's near me i heard some [ __ ] would you go to the cops [ __ ] yeah i would i'd be so afraid that they like knew bro i swear to god i heard like it was a human [ __ ] scream it was [ __ ] it scared the [ __ ] out of me it was like ah yo a human screaming is terrifying dude i lied they didn't say help me but i heard like ah like a [ __ ] like like not like someone mad it was it was like a blood curdling like murder screamed [ __ ] that noise at 4am i was taking this [ __ ] i was like yo what the f i couldn't go to sleep that's how scary it sounded i was gonna i was gonna take a [ __ ] and go right back to bed i wouldn't have slept for like three days and i would be checking the internet constantly like [Music] yo dude i i was like i was like yo if i see something on the news it was mad scary i don't think i could do any animal noises i'm not really good at animal noises can i kill you keith santagado so good at [ __ ] bird noises have you ever heard him do no no next time you're on twitch and he's on just be like yo keith can you do your birthday don't do a bird noise bro he sounds like a [ __ ] bird what time is it he's not he's probably on let's see imagine he was on if he's on right now i'm gonna [ __ ] ask him i would lose my mind if he's on he's not though oh damn no he's not going to be on yeah he's working yeah i got to see yeah that'd be so [ __ ] funny if he was on i would ask um burnoy let me see let me see i don't think i could do anything now what was that was that a pigeon with those guys in the morning and they're really weird [ __ ] i can't do i don't know what it is that's like a [ __ ] boomerang yeah i could do a boomerang ow sorry i'm trying to think uh no no i'm trying to think of like and honestly a good one that's like fame i mean obviously like those are all easy like owls and stuff i used to try and do a helicopter but i could never do it like i could do uh i could do barber wall turns i can do 60 seconds oh that's nice i used to try and do like that gun that you have like uh like that gun where you would hold the bullets what the hell is that wait what what is that like one of those like turret oh like a caliber [ __ ] yeah yeah the rambo gun like a turret gun like like a i could do the dj sound that was really good that's pretty good that was nice it sounds like i'm just again gargling yeah gargling feces or i was gonna say jizz penis [Music] i wish i could do like lots of noise i could do this yeah that's pretty hot like this yeah that you did you did that before on the podcast it was mad good yeah that's so impressive i know i used to be able to blow a bubble off of my tongue yeah i can't i see people that do that too i can't do that let me try oh i gotta drink some water there's like a uh if i can get it that'd be awesome doesn't have to be like smaller it's gotta be like really small blowing the bubble thing is oh that was pretty small that's pretty good how do you even make the bubble you know i don't know i can't do that i can can you burp on on purpose sound like you have an acid reflux [Laughter] yeah that's pretty good yours sound terrible though they sound really like gross so that sounds like you're [ __ ] dying that's like a i feel like that's how what every zombie sounds like ever yeah i don't know what our infatuation is with zombies but like what do you think's the first thing you would do during apocalypse like where would you go a pharmacy okay that's actually a really good answer yeah would you get like first aids and stuff would you get that or food first food's way more likely than oh [ __ ] you like mary poppins [ __ ] bubble machine out here dogs damn that was funny sick yeah thanks that [ __ ] [ __ ] floated yeah that was a long-ass one that was like [ __ ] what the [ __ ] uh the [ __ ] witch and the [ __ ] princess and wizard of oz come down in that [ __ ] felt heavy too that [ __ ] had yeah yeah that [ __ ] was not floating no that was a dense ass [ __ ] thing it went far though she was like oh yeah just [ __ ] died on the couch that was really sick though thanks dog no one's gonna see that on that camera oh no i'm gonna i'm gonna zoom in on that moment yeah you gotta zoom in on that [ __ ] yeah was this 2 2 11 2 11 baby i'll check that out but yeah dude see i think that you would you would do well on a lot i think you would like a lot of dates yeah no there are a lot of things that are fun i mean like uh you know as long as it's not some like [ __ ] heavy [ __ ] like what about bill the snowman i've never done that with anybody i would like to do that i've done that with family i've never done it with like a girlfriend one of these things says train for a 5k what the [ __ ] with someone else yeah first of all i hate couples that exercise together dude get a [ __ ] different gym pass and [ __ ] give each other some [ __ ] space yeah or get a room and go [ __ ] yeah dude you guys get this [ __ ] you ever see those videos where like they do sit ups and kiss each other we're [ __ ] god she's [ __ ] dork yeah dude why are you like and they're like oh that's kind of cute but the fact that they're filming themselves doing it is the most [ __ ] maniacal [ __ ] i've ever [ __ ] heard of how self-absorbed can you be yeah we're so in love and we're healthy and we kiss also like you're pumping your girlfriend like what the [ __ ] yeah yeah you're like i'm gonna bench-press my girlfriend and kiss her every time [ __ ] weirdo hey just [ __ ] kiss her [ __ ] wrong with you dude these are normally you dumbass yeah for some reason i exercise every day now right so like i'll do ten three minute rounds on the heavy bag and then do like uh like shadow boxing and like footwork in between right it's hot so i'll do that for some reason i've it's like made me angrier working really yeah i'm like so angry that i that i [ __ ] i almost said masturbate i'm so angry that i exercise yeah exercising with your i mean you could do it like go like but that that like kissing each other stuff like see how many kisses you can do is like how old are you it's like give a sit up and give me a kiss a [ __ ] grocery only 13. disgusting i would kick if if i had a gym and saw that it'd be like you both have to get out um yeah immediately get the [ __ ] out of here nobody should be filming in a [ __ ] gym anyway stop filming yourself at the gym yeah what the [ __ ] is that about yeah and now it's like if somebody walks by and looks at your camera it's like what are you looking i'm like dude you're filming yourself at the gym bro that's mad [ __ ] weird yeah filming at the gym is weird do you see jesse williams dick who's that you know the guy the girl oh the guy in uh the [ __ ] video game like the where he's like a robot he's like a robot detroit's detroit's soul city so he's beyond human become human yeah becoming human yeah that's what it's called oh his dong was out so he's like in a broadway play and there's like a shower scene at some point and you have to see his john yeah and you have to see his dog he's done broadway's so weird yeah so he whips his dong out right but somebody took pictures of it and posted it online [ __ ] nice it's got a big dick dude oh he's packing it we're talking it's flat big flaccid dick god this guy's already hot as [ __ ] hot as [ __ ] beautiful eyes and a big flaccid and a beautiful [ __ ] maybe that's the metaphor mixed penis he's mixed right or no he's mixed yeah i think so isn't that weird though like you shouldn't be allowed to take a picture of a person's penis are you showing your dom though i think i would show myself if i was in a movie i would show my dick yeah i think i would show i would have to fluff oh like get it going a little bit yeah well because you can smack it you can get cold sometimes you're like guys this is yeah i can't i can't this is not the we're not talking this is not authentic unless it called for me to have a small penis then i would like make it smaller no there are the only times where i'm like is that my is that my dick well i texted you the other day i was like yeah like do you ever look at your penis like you think you have a smaller penis and then you kind of look at it you're like oh all right yeah if you wake up after like a nice warm sleep and you're just packing oh dude dude down in florida oh you probably yeah you had summer penis summer penis all the time dude summer penis is the best it's just hanging yeah summer penis is so dope dude winter and you go for a walk that thing just turns into a little bean yeah nothing yeah winter dawg is horrible it does it won't even wag it's sturdy and stuck in the little bean position yeah it's like it's the worst dong it looks like it looks like those old things that we used to use the rubber thing where you push in and it pops back up you know what i'm talking about when it flies up what are those things what a horrible toy but i had so much fun i know dude what the hell was that toy for was that for no yeah what was that for i don't know it was half of a bouncy ball and you would just fold it out like a [ __ ] condom and then jared was showing us this new this new girl that he's talking to he was just like hey this is new girl i'm talking to she's cool whatever and she has the you know lgbtq lgbtqi a plus yeah thingy on her chest and it's like all different it's like it's these little dots with all different colors like rainbow and i just couldn't help but look at it and it looks like those old [ __ ] candies that taste like air that were on those white strips back in the day that we would all pretend was ellis dates yeah candy dots candy dots guys what the [ __ ] were they they suck that is like the most homeless candy though dude such a poor person's candy it literally is like 80s like actually still 50 cents yeah it sucks and for like 30 strips and it tastes like nothing absolute [ __ ] why would anyone ever eat those i don't know so at some point that was somebody's favorite candy whoo somebody for it to be around this long [ __ ] had to like it and they would stain you like a [ __ ] they were like all sweaty gets they would get like easily and then you always knew that one kid that was gross you just lick them while they're still on the paper and yeah [ __ ] die everywhere it was i had a friend that would put water in a bag of skittles what the [ __ ] and then eat the skittles and then drink the water after it's [ __ ] like coating or something that's [ __ ] disgusting i hated that [ __ ] you know it was weird too remember those candy cigarettes yeah those things were [ __ ] so funny like they were teaching us the bang heaters at like four years old mad young to smoke stoves and then eat it not only can you smoke it you could eat it yeah it tasted like [ __ ] chalk it was like chunks but you would just walk around with these fake cigarettes oh they're so [ __ ] there's candy like that that's just so it's just like pure cane and grossness yeah like skittle oh my god it's like it's like an old man made it in his basement there was this one kid who'd be so proud of his like fruit roll up rolled up balls they would make and he would take it out it was like all [ __ ] slime all like like brown we all went to group school with gross ass kids like that you're like bro you're the reason why [ __ ] diseases like are spreading i used to i used to roll fruit roll-ups and put it in my lip like i was dipping like dipping i mean like that's cool you didn't take it out and show everything no no no gross [ __ ] sticky [ __ ] fingers like there was always a gross kid like that yeah we had this one kid that would always drink uh like slushies and his [ __ ] lips and his lips were just yeah blue and chapped i remember that kid he was gross [ __ ] uh ar right yeah yeah yeah i remember that kid yeah he had [ __ ] weird little frosted up lips all the time yeah that kid was gross frosty lips tell us about gross kids in your high school or middle school yeah guys tell us about girls kids that you went to school with and how [ __ ] nasty they were yes sir all right so here we go uh patrons are back patreon.com slash library podcast let's get into the 50 tiers and 25 here let's go you join either of those tiers and get your name read on the show because you are legend here we go thank you allison metta david simpson josh kakashi 6'9 marvel malang big mo nicole derelu big mama nielsen radar taylor that's a crazy name ryan blake the real pachi puerto rican pikachu thomas brown turbo jumps out of saundra ashley spartacino bessie carmen julia fisher louis dreyfus jackson johnson the third chanterelle mayor colin with step chungus corbin damn that's dub franco caffalo it's me nikki john kaminskis joseph arsenault get okay diggs linda from accounting maximilian vasquez my catastrophe neely thomas nurse joy p-a-t-n halo xavier ricardo reyes still fat though tay rodo trevor joyner tristan nelson vanessa pineda and young mercs thank you all to our love nation ceos and cfos love you guys you guys are producers of the show thank you so much and if you would like to be a producer of the show you can go to patreon.com for the 25 or the 50 year michael we're gonna find you on the internet twitch.tv forward slash michael underscore priori oreos and i'm at danielle peoria everywhere on the internet and also check out my mental health podcast off the cuff on youtube spotify and apple we are outta here take care of yourselves guys love you deuces [Music]

Channel: The LoPriore Podcast

Views: 16,923

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Id: o4YqVLabgxg

Length: 140min 52sec (8452 seconds)

Published: Tue May 17 2022