Keith Santagato - The Extra Yard

welcome to the extra go okay welcome to extra yard I'm Keith Santa God oh and I guess I'm a gamer mmm I need one more that was Tara why are you looking at me you should be looking at the camera I [ __ ] you guys yeah welcome back to the extra yard yeah welcome back to the extra yard I'm Keats and igano and I'm a gamer oh that's kind of hard yeah it was cool third take though I liked it I liked it too like your thanks for the me but I farted also during that intro by the way I my farts are really bad you know when they come out like marbles when your farts come out in a second yeah you remember you farted it sound like Morse code when you four he farted - literally sound like this that's all was it he was like it was all like like the couch like it was like cloth I always thought it was Morris Co Keith how you doing buddy is it Morse code that's more I said yeah Mort no Darth Maul what are you saying hmm Morris Morse Zack Morris no no who is it Panda there's a D on the end so how Keith how are you how's it going how's your day it's alright I mean I don't know what else to say yeah that's great it's great tell us about your beard I mean cuz it looks like there's stuff going on over there and that's like basic good sorry basically what this is just I wake up I go to work I come home and then as you can see I didn't even mention anything so nothing happens here it's just growing you shampoo that thing oils or something yeah when I take a shower yeah you shampoo your face yeah how often you shower like once every two days what really why cuz I'm an idiot okay okay alright so I do you think not cuz it's sir I mean again I'm blaming it on [ __ ] work and also [ __ ] but I wake up late anyway yeah I wake up late to go to work well I get to work when I'm supposed to but I wake up late so that I I have literally a 20 minute window to get the [ __ ] out of the house so I wake up put clothes on wash my face brush my teeth and have all my [ __ ] get out and then when I come home I go right downstairs and I stream most days and go to bed and then do the whole [ __ ] thing over again okay I wake up like an extra ten minutes earlier it's like a constant stream of working essentially literally for like the past two years you know cuz I mean yeah so I mean you have a twitch channel I love you have a twitch channel what is it the URL is what it's a twitch TV /k Santa got to how often you streaming because i don'ti don't know the question I don't even know either I'm literally a very sporadic right now I'll try to do one day on the weekend how much is it how long is this stream oh I assumed yesterday for nine hours Wow after I asked her I worked the whole day as well what time do you go Mimi sleepies uh two in the morning two in the morning time to get home I can't do math I got home I like 6:00 that's that would be eight hours sold five no that's not right I'm stupid that was eight that was eight hours who was uh who was better at playing video games growing up you I used to like sports games and stuff it's him me I'm more shooter yeah I'll [ __ ] him up I would dust you and me for Speed Underground though yeah cuz he had this [ __ ] car that I [ __ ] tuned up for him yeah no that's not what happened yeah Need for Speed Underground was like nobody really played that game that's not a fact like people played it but we're talking about like halo way more people played halo halo then I was yeah and the only reason was cuz I [ __ ] played at eight hours a day I'd better call of duty play that one that was one right now those when I broke my mom's reverse edge yeah yeah yeah I forgot you don't you do that yeah Keith snapped his neck dude yeah people forget I legit snapped it playing football right yeah I want to tackle a kid and a massive kid so these kids brought in a he was like six board this is not a [ __ ] kid I'm talking about I wasn't him you talk about the stiff arm right no all right because everyone [ __ ] thinks that said it's not [ __ ] it Keith well you're at me I'm on your site I want you tonight to be all right no Keith okay look I wouldn't attack a kid I went to tackle kid as we're about to go to the floor some other kid on their team comes and hits me so when I head is through like you know you picture tackling somebody like this you say I had you see I had is that the new Apple product I wish I wasn't supposed to say I had automatic blowj machine just sucks you I'm sorry your story about getting paranoid yeah it tell us about your paralyzation your near pals even show me how many ways a hard thing to say uh-huh so you want to go tackle okay yeah uh I got it I was a tackle person my head was like through his so like my head is protruding out yeah some fat kid how'd you look at me look right at me some big fat some big fat messy kid not um my head hit his stomach directly and when it did that instead of like whatever it snapped backward yeah we're harder than you think yeah so and I literally heard I had literally heard the snap with my neck and to describe the pain that I felt with it picture like lighting like getting a knife like to where it's like red red hot mm-hmm and jab and and her [ __ ] neck oh it was like some heat involved yeah like walk after yeah well I didn't get right up but he got up and was on the sidelines and I remember him being like yo my head hurts so I was like all right cool so he took some plays off but keith was are like best defensive player so we needed him that's of truth of fact it was a hundred percent get in here that wasn't that wasn't an exaggeration Keith who's our best player on defense without a doubt like ask anymore I was nuts so I was like yo so I was like yo you probably just got whiplash like you're fine you know so I wanted him to get back and not but I I even said it I'm like I'm like yeah in my head I'm like there's no shot I'm going back yeah and they never think somebody breaks their neck did you know figure if someone breaks their neck they're not getting up and like my book look this was the crazy part about the besides of breaking my neck and all that the crazy part of that the whole thing was obviously like it happened like you know like you get hit in the head like your eye your eyes closed for like a second right yeah so my eyes closed I hit the grass I was like I was like facedown on the grass and then I I came back up and when I came back up I couldn't see anything everything I saw was a different shade of green everything it was probably like a shock or something I know but that was the weirdest part and it was like that for like a good like 10 seconds fog and I had to like legit like go like this and and like and my eyes were working again I felt the same way when I tore my ACL like it was like so much pain that I was like oh my god I'm like everything kind of like went fuzzy or something yeah it was weird but then he went to the doctor and he was like I think I broke my neck like all stuff and they're like now you're good and then he wore soft colorful right with that the woman I mean always the women right am i right guys this woman this [ __ ] woman gave me her opinion which is no it wasn't a man all right so the the woman doctor go ahead because I came in with a soft collar on and they took like all the they took on MRI and I got two cats games cuz they [ __ ] up the first one and then she comes over and after it like literally been waiting there for like eight hours she comes over me and literally grabs the back of my neck where the thing was and rips the thing off of me oh this off collar yeah she rips the soft collar off of me and she goes you don't need this and throws it out and then hands my mom a person who said my mom hands mom prescription for valium so technically on paper I thought I was fine right cuz mom thought it was whiplash as well I didn't even know this by the way yeah where's it where's the valium now it's uh yeah is it for sale I'll get rid of that probably expired some time ago all right go on that should even expire I think it does they save medicine expires but I think that's just the trick you in the leg ringing re-upping for it like there's a big like market where you sell like expired medications to people at a cheaper rate okay so your mom was just like you didn't look at my son's neck or she was just like no Shelley trust a doc yeah you trusted her she was like she was like the head like person on like the floor buying not buying that but uh so long story short I went back to school had person on the floor I don't even know what to call her a doctor woman she's like the manager okay she's the GM of the doctors yeah Joe Torre of doctors I don't know so so but then you had to go back as your pain no no um [ __ ] two days later cuz I'm in school now like all [ __ ] I'm like walking around yeah right Wow they calm they called of course they called dad two days later and they go yeah we are we looked back at the MRI and you might want to you might want to go to a neurosurgeon my dad's like huh like yeah we kind of see something we just go to the neurosurgeon just to make sure that there's nothing there so we go neurosurgeon the MRI he takes one of the things puts it up on the [ __ ] whatever the hell that thing is and I like literally from here till like your TV which is far away I saw the break and it was it was like usually like the breaks are like uh what do they called they're like hairline fracture yeah but but they show up they show up like uh was I called gray yeah grade this it was black it was just a black line right through my c5 c6 [ __ ] c5 c6 dude it's right here oh you broke the top of your neck god damn dude that's cool still what you have to do after that you race like one of those like yeah no it was it was a hard collar yes the surgeons neurosurgeon guy said he's like luckily he had he has a lot a longer neck than like a normal person longer dick to normal people super giraffe ever see his license I thought you were going somewhere else here see that cop no have you ever seen his license cuz you Keith has a license picture for the ages he's got a a neck on him man and that's when Keith used to buzz cut oh look at this thing look at Dan it looks like a thumb with a little bit of fuzz on it look at that Geoffrey giraffe ass that neck is [ __ ] wall this is bigger than I thought no but you know why you know why I [ __ ] that up though because I went to the DMV you know you just want to get the [ __ ] out of there like Peyton Manning's ghetto brother yeah you do yeah that's exactly man brother did time yeah the lost Manning they're gonna do a 34:30 on you he didn't win a Super Bowl no but he did kill someone in jail well the other I thought the other one we got sick didn't one of the other Manning's Cooper no but Joey every time you said you look like Peyton Manning's brother no sorry you look like Eli Manning but sick so you require didn't require any surgery no because the neurosurgeon said I have a longer and I have a longer neck didn't like a normal person uh-huh and he said literally true words here he goes if you had like if you didn't have the like a like the neck that you have right now yeah he's like what the break in the end like the compact those are the impact that happened all that stuff he's like you probably would have been paralyzed from like from like the waist down thank God for having a long neck yeah so long necks got been screwed my neck is super chode you see this thing yeah you got a chori net yeah my terrifying way what size is your neck 15 yeah I'm 15 F dude I'm 16 and a half I got a thick neck what are you like 18 No perhaps I'm a little I'm a little thicker than his than his like because big [ __ ] neck - yeah so I can take some shots yeah dude snap this dude's neck it's not going anywhere you know [ __ ] long it would take me to snap Danny's neck I just have a really big upper shelf yo how do you snap a neck like you know movies where they go like this and what are they doing yeah what are they do and you hear that like the Steven Seagal like you did but like think about this right like oops you're you're forcing it back to like cuz the neck the neck joint can only go to here and to here if you go past that you're technically breaking you're technically breaking like the neck and the spinal cord so you could technically even if you didn't kill him like I think you could probably paralyze him wait why do you die when you break when cuz you can't connect it to your brain yeah and then you cuts off breathing and see you later bro it's all she wrote damn that's crazy the spot the spine is dumb I know no you're not dumb man by the way I'm talking out of my ass we're all guessing here but even though when that happens how long was did it take for you to be like a normal like purse no you're not normal but you know what I mean like we're all weirdos how long were hardcore acts I was in the hard collar for two months why what was in the hard collar for too much I thought it was way longer than that did you have to sleep in it no but I was an idiot uh-uh cuz after I got really tired of like not playing sports so I was like alright if I can't play a contacts board [ __ ] it I'll just play basketball so I was playing like full court basketball games with a [ __ ] collar on I remember Keith and now keeps the opposite he won't go outside if it's windy cuz he worries it old hurt his knee I'll take this kid with the broken neck dude let me play with us dude you wanna hear a funny story keith was playing handball when he had the hard collar so he got the ball and missed and the ball went right into the hole and and then we couldn't find it I was like where's the ball or to go yeah also got burned crackhead the same day I got burned by a crackhead plain hand bulletin yeah they just came up and burned you know they call it their cigarette in there yeah cuz I we beat them we beat them oh why this is beat them for me back we just bitch-slapped a bunch of crackheads on the handball court it was great and she barred me can you believe it can you believe this but yet she we were beating those it was me and ESPO playing so we beat them we were beating them she comes he comes past me and she like literally as purposely comes over and burns me on my on my hand oh so it was like it was it was a purpose burn why'd she do that oh my god she's a [ __ ] crackhead that's her burn a burn yeah I actually kind of still have it where is it you still got that purpose right there wow you reminder that crap yeah you will never I have it right there I sought that burn you will never forget that crack [ __ ] do you not see it my pale milky why I know that I know it's a woman though but if a crack woman burnt me I'd beat that ever like you just made her into like a monster no but I played one time with a crackhead and the guy had a cigarette in his mouth and he was like hitting the ball whatever and then he would take it out of his mouth if he was going lefty and there's so multi-tasking credible it was like a really like take it out of his mouth and he like burned me one time I was like dude come on can you put the cigarette out and he just said come nah come on we gonna play we gonna play but I got burnt by a crackhead as well as me so what what was that exchange like you know I didn't say no no no I didn't say anything it's not like I'm in a [ __ ] state to even punch the person in the face oh yeah I grew up in the suburbs yes like me bro I have a wait did you turn Nick was it one spot or was it one of those likes why Peter just told it was like it was like a damn dude how'd she how do you have enough time to burn yeah yeah yeah it's like cuz you know how if it's not there anymore you rotate people go to the VA yeah yeah so was during that exchange he [ __ ] like basically she she shanked me with her her cigarette yeah weren't you during the rotation [ __ ] up was it a Newport what were we talking about what kind of cigarette one of those cheap-ass one like the American spirits and those things they say they stay lit forever those American spirits you could smoke one cigarette for like 45 minutes like a candle that's like you've never smoked cigarette right never had no as shannon ever right so wow that's crazy thomas i think yeah that guy who's in a frat right yeah he definitely was he Thomas I don't know but he where do you go to college yeah Springfield Springfield that's a party school is it anyone to Albany before that so that's a big party school too yeah when we were younger Keith use this like we went and visited Thomas at college and Keith like stayed did you do that yeah I think it was like 4 5 6 15 16 and he like just stayed with Thomas it was because it was like their last day what last day there and where were our parents no my dad my dad my dad dad look dad let me go yeah you know like hammers kind of that's pretty awesome I mean I can hold my own drinkin so cool brother yeah you can brother there was a time I remember Keith would wouldn't what he was the one who was drinking and I didn't want to because I thought that if I drank and and got drunk I would throw up yeah jerk and the mike no dude I've only thrown out twice and you know both of them yeah dude that story of Keith being in the ball you ever tell you that story no dude we were at the bowling alley and we were like and this is when Mark Sanchez on the jet so we're like yo for every jets turnover we'll take a shot so that [ __ ] night was it he literally had like four turnovers in the first half so we were like or like in the first quarter but we were at this bowling alley and like they give you like a free drink after you buy one like it's ridiculous so we were happy like anybody in there is no cycle he was drinking the fish bowls you can trigger fish bowls and a bowling alley yeah and disgusting actually no that night I wasn't drinking the fish bowls the night of the beer pong tournament I showed up didn't play one game ordered a fish bowl pay for the first one and in the bar tender just kept filling them up and not saying anything I was like and I couldn't walk oh yeah and then yeah that's when you bit into a wing he bit into a wing and the whole thing was just like he'd been into it and his mouth started bleeding she tried to cook the wings but she didn't cook him all the way oh they were frozen still no but this one that he was eating for some reason it had like a blood packet in it it seemed and he but in vain he bit into it and then blood came out of his mouth and I'm like what the [ __ ] is going on that's [ __ ] disgusting but anyway so we're there that night this place sounds awesome yeah oh by the way when we were there no one else there obviously I've had so many pizza parties in there yeah but we were there and keith was drinking like a lot of beer and it's mind you it's Monday Night Football like it's fun that was that stretch ride in war for three years three years yeah all right it wasn't a good time so he we were Keith gets Mike mad drunk and he's just sitting there like this and he's just spitting and I'm like yo what are you I'm like what are you doing and he's like spitting into a cup I'm like yeah are you gonna throw up he's like that and I was like you're spitting you guys here I Spit I like to spit I was like okay she's just sitting there spitting again I'm like dude stop spitting and I was like because in my head I'm like I know where this is going yeah I know when people start spitting it's like I got a vomit so we get back to my house and we didn't even get there we didn't know we didn't get to the house we got like 15 steps from my house and there was a tree and Keith just puts his hand on one of the branches and throws up eight gallons of vomit oh just gosh no but it was just like a ha I got wasn't screaming nothing like it was sauna the only thing you heard was like the splash against the floor it was like dumping oh but it yeah but you know it was it was it was three big things I think it was white the color thanks for adding that in yeah and uh and then right that I felt so much better yeah I I thought I wasn't even drunk after that and I was like alright what are we doing like a litter that's what I said right after sir what are we doing now drunk and Keith was upstairs and he was throwing up into the sink Oh terrible places no no no but you know why I was throwing up because we were drinking tall boys whatever the hell we were drinking but I had a lot of them as well and somebody went into the fridge and found Skyy Vodka oh yeah so we just started taking shots of sky vodka that's what sent me over that will do it he was throwing up into the sink in our house there's only one sink for six people and my mom was in the bathroom yeah obviously I just said that no I didn't hear that so so so my mom comes in and she goes Keith what are you doing he starts apologizing to her as if she's Josh's mom I thought she was Josh to Scott so I'm like I'm like I'm sorry Elaine sorry so now I'm like this I'm like throwing up and the only thing I remember cuz as soon as we got into the house I took my shoes off as soon as my foot hit the step nothing that was it that was it I wake up the part of me waking up was I'm throwing up in the sink and again I'm gonna say the color it was red whoa those are the ones that burn to like the back your throat a little bit worse no it's red so I think whatever is I know the colors because I was like yeah come up and when I came up is when I saw those my mom thought it was Josh's mom cuz I didn't know that we'd left Josh's house we were at Josh's house yeah we're tricking in the basement oh I don't remember um I love ho I remember this whole night besides me I just remember the funny parts there's been like 11 stories like I don't remember anything we're talking about you being drunk and I'm like I don't even know your but that was so funny I really you know I literally just picture looking at somebody and in everything around the person is just so distorted what did your what did your mom say my mom my mom she's like she said I was literally laughing at you the whole time yeah my mom's pretty cool it's like I was only really pissing you cuz you threw up in the sink instead of throwing up in the toilet a normal one time I throw up in this so this is the awesome that this is a disgusting part though I just have throw it in there for some flavor yeah Oh obviously she didn't want to clean it so I'm drunk I'm more of like apologizing to somebody else's mom so she goes scoop it with your hand and put it in the toilet oh so I did that until it was over ah and then I went on my merry way back to my bed and I probably pissed all the place ha I want to say this no way he washed his hands after that mom probably told me then I jerked off sorry Josh's mom Josh Bob keeps following me here's doing that so gay gay Josh's mom stop looking at me the bathroom dude yeah it was 2009 probably no but yo there was one time that we went to a party I got really drunk I left by myself oh shut up you can't interrupt starts so we're sick and I was sitting on the toilet and I throw up into the tub and then I went to bed and then my mom wakes up in the morning she comes into our room and she goes because we in Keith shared room at that point she goes to me she you threw up in the tub like why did you do that and I was like yeah I'm really sorry I was like I tried to clean it but I was like really drunk I was like I was sitting on the toilet at the time because I thought I had to go to the bathroom and then I ended up throwing up in the tub so that's why that happened and she goes why did you throw your underwear in the toilet and I was like what and then I look under my sheets and I'm like I'm wearing my underwear and she was so whose underwear is this so we both look up rickie think he's just like no but I do that all the time still you ditch them in the toilet no no no I mean I did that twice but no but like the whole thing is like that's weird it's like if I really like I drink a lot and like it just makes sense so now a lot of times like I get like drunk and I go home I go to bed but I'll wake up nothing on naked cleaning I used to get naked - you get those drunk sweat it's kind of yeah yeah when you start to spin you're like I just need to less oh Thanksgiving I mean I was somewhat was clothed for that one but for Thanksgiving I drink so much right obviously whatever gives a [ __ ] now I fall asleep on the couch uh-huh and my mom wakes me up don't remember this at all all right sick so instead of going to my actual bed upstairs I went downstairs into the basement now I'm on I I go to the couch I take my socks off I put them on the couch and then I just fall asleep on the floor and I will I woke up like Patrick the [ __ ] starfish dude I woke up I thought I was in like another person's house I woke up cuz everything that's the worst you're gonna wake up you don't know where you are I felt the rugged I'm like this isn't my rug on my room like where the [ __ ] am I and then I walked home like like Jesus Christ and I denied because I'm a psycho again I know the exact time yeah it's for 41 when I woke up it was full footed 1:00 in the morning it was like I'm a psycho I know the time deployed no cuz I remember like smoky you're ditching your underwear into the toilet bowl like knowing the time is not psychotic so what what how is it but if you throw your underwear into the toilet right are you physically placing it in there is it one of those things like it just happens to end up in the toilet no I think it's this is a this is a purposeful ditch because you can't accidentally do that twice it sounds like a fetish at this point yeah it sounds like you're trying oh yeah just put it in the toilet no it sounds like you're trying to flush evidence [ __ ] my pants again I think I [ __ ] my pants in Nashville I [ __ ] my pants the other day here yeah dude I think I [ __ ] my pants in Nashville and I I threw them out key he [ __ ] wait D are you saying you think cuz it sounds like you know I did I think I [ __ ] so I just threw him away clear I didn't even look I think I [ __ ] my pants in Nashville and he goes yeah I think I throw them out behind that one bar we were at [ __ ] my pants right right in here then he goes yeah I [ __ ] myself I'm like what and he goes you I [ __ ] myself and I was like wow and he just goes you want to see and then before I could answer he was up in the air turned around pulled his pants down I'm looking at [ __ ] in his pants [Music] while I was painting too I bent down nothing worse than a paint [ __ ] no I was getting over beat I was sick like sick [ __ ] I was a few days before I was sick so I was painting I was like I'm okay so like I'm painting with the roller and I'm and I went up and I went all the way down and as I went down just like a perfect like gravitational pull of my [ __ ] I guess opened and just like a little front came out and just sat there and I felt it because you know there's many times where you [ __ ] and you're not fully sure for me to pass your buttcheeks I knew this one went past my cheeks yeah broke the plane it was gross it was one of the worst things yeah what are you guys doing for Christmas there's Christmas at your mom's house too no no it's uh is it like our early cry hate early Christmas [ __ ] I mean we get there like probably like two that's fine so you guys get to do your own Christmas thing yeah first with each other and then you head out over there yeah every holidays is the same at my mom's house we go there either like either for like for Easter or something we'll go there we'll have like breakfast yeah and then we eat candy in the morning and then we go I mean I do that every morning but uh no but what kind of candies oh dude Easter my mom so makes us baskets yeah keeps you my [ __ ] bunny she'll get the bunny Easter bunnies are [ __ ] trash yeah literally like that that chocolates whacked it was never good ever I love those those Lynde or whatever they are all the locket filled [ __ ] bells and you just suck on them till they [ __ ] melt in your mouth and then you break down bit like the crust yeah then just blows a [ __ ] chocolate load in your mouth I love it how you say balls as well balls balls balls balls yeah but she does that she gets those starburst jelly beans which I could literally eat forever what happened it's like dislocated my jaw you're a weird guy I know what can I ask you a question yep what like what's the first thing you have to do like when you go to work like do you have to like clock in do you have to like not like so you just you just walk in I walk in doesn't matter if you shower nobody sees you right dude I saw what I'm wearing right now is acceptable attire for me oh that's a go to work okay I literally so you really don't need the shower I've given up on wearing jeans why just given up on it don't care I want to give you I want to give you a style makeover would you let me do that probably not what am i expensive no it's not it's not you also having spent money since 1998 when you bought heads cuz I have to pay taxes Keith everyone I understand it but I have to budget everything know where he's coming from but I don't he doesn't you don't have that [ __ ] problem me yeah what are you talking about yeah you'd pay fat taxes last year two years ago yeah but your eye but plugged but you're still fine yeah so what so are you no I'm not Keith I pay more of a percentage in tax than you do what are you talking about dammit don't you take that money go buy a pair of jeans that fit you dump [ __ ] thousand dollar jeans or getting truly no thousand dollars the most expensive pair of jeans I have are five hundred dollars and no and and I got those I would you never all right and most most jeans I wear now are like 70 bucks yeah that's still a lot no it's not have you been to a jean store there's a jean store a lot of them Keith jeans are $70 yeah that's just what they are $59.99 [ __ ] jeans at Macy's is some [ __ ] for like 30 bucks Uniqlo has good genes they're my favorite jeans Uniqlo I have mom right now unique they have good genes and they're cheap they're probably like 30 40 bucks yeah and they're straight they have a little bit of elastic in there for ya but he paid 70 no no no the other pairs I have yeah you know Danny yeah would you let me just give you like a little like go with you I'll just go with a tune-up and you get what you want did I haven't shopped ever in my life we were taking a change we're taking we're gonna change that we're gonna take you on a shopping spree like Rick Ross took five no fifty cents of Rick Ross's wife I'm not you don't have to pay Daniel pay I'll pay that's weird let me buy you one else I'd rather he [ __ ] pays alright we'll take his card and we'll go together if he's paying I'm paying on the other Santa goddess to do scars we're not putting anything on the Santa goes to her because you have money no no yes you do I have nothing Keith you have money I have nothing I'm dirt poor dude look at me I'm homeless she's the type of dude that would leave the money like to himself like when he dies I can't wait to like his will like it's mine Keith could have a million dollars in the bank and I'm gonna bury it and just like pull like a treasure map you'll never find it haha Keith does have a person that if he has a million dollars and we go yo like you should buy like this this and this he goes I can't because you know I can't just like live off a million dollars like that'll run out in five years and that would be his excuse for not buying a pair of jeans because I'm planning ahead for what at what age are you gonna start buying outfits see but like I don't spend money on clothes and [ __ ] like that I already have clothes you I don't mind like spending mad dough on [ __ ] you're about to say his fire so do you spend mad dough on I'll see what it is bacon egg and cheese nah but like food is definitely a big thing I spend money on and uh was it called seltzer like I love what you guys get me Seltzer when I watch your house I drink maybe 75 Seltzer's a day go by the way deal we bought you a case of 24 I looked at I looked in the fridge there was three left it was like [ __ ] you been here for what like two days no I was there for like five days yeah yeah I was there for like oh she said that's Disney yeah yeah no but the other time I just drank all the way I had I'm not gonna let you off the hook here um I want to go with you just to just now because you need it but I have a really I have a really good style oh no he needs it yes what what's wrong with this exactly Keith what's wrong with this it's bad I think I could really do I could there's nothing wrong with your current outfit it's just that you don't have outfits to do other stuff in ah anything inside that's because you don't have the uniform to go well you can't go to work and be a cop if you don't have a cop uniform unless you're an undercover I need a bar uniform the [ __ ] is that for your ass and I think I think cuz you want to know why though you had for my ass yeah see I'm Jeff I'm jealous of you because you because you have a good like you could wear a lot of clothes that I can't wear so would be nice like dress well what he's a bigger Cup a bigger guy I have to wear different types of clothes can't wear like lateral stripes you know what I'm saying then I'm gonna look like an actual planet yeah you know let's go one time let's just go shop let's just hang out like we'll go get dinner after like a [ __ ] at $4,000 day keep you like do you have any concept of what things cost no clearly which is why I don't spend money on $4,000 see I told them I said I want to give you a couple pairs of shoes that I don't wear anymore that I've worn like three or four times but if you wear them I want you to keep them clean and nice cuz they're cuz they're gonna be expensive shoes or just make outfits out of these that's what I'm saying build up from the shoe so if I give you like three pairs of shoes build up the outfit dude did you not hear my routine of going to [ __ ] work yeah that's why you late I lay out my clothes the night before because I know I'm gonna be late and I'm still late yeah and I'll tell you this right now he doesn't do that no I do I do it's just that sometimes I put the outfit on and then I'm like I don't really like this one so imma change and literally open the drawer and I'm like all right sick can I ask you a question you know do you not you don't care at all about your appearance ever I feel bad that I opened this bet box why it's interesting it is interesting I don't care yeah it's not embarrassing this is how he feels I don't care so here's the thing because sometimes I get I get up and like even if I'm going to the gym or something like I'll try to make it like look like a normal outfit yeah the one thing that you do that drives me [ __ ] bananas is that you'll wear Nike shoes yeah with like adidas shorts and I might dude we're so close just put on the Nike shorts yeah no one hates that I wear two different socks yeah yeah yeah those games dude they have a store in the mall called my socks yeah what but they but they have to match in a Mitch mismatch kinda they don't they sell socks that are mismatched so there's like one sock I'm on Red Sox yeah and you buy that that's dumb you have colorful socks though I do but I'm not crazy about it I want to go back to plain socks you have to gray black and white gotta grow up you still use you still buy like those shoes those nike socks Oh like a light on them no socks are too hard yo I will say this I'm not just saying it because they're a sponsor of the basemen art but the Bombo socks are [ __ ] amazing like they're like tight are they yeah and they're like thick so I like them like a loner in a best-case scenario those would be my only socks like how often do you buy new socks both you guys I buy literally ever since remember there was that one year that we just we're getting a [ __ ] ton of socks I'd never have to buy socks ever again I don't remember where shorts with like dress socks and then just like yeah yeah I'm saying like a tube sock kind of not a tube so I just feel like if you care a little more about like uh like your like your look you would feel better yeah nothing that you don't feel good but what I'm saying is that I know that listen I'm a fat man right so but if I dress really nice you tell him he's a fat man look at him come on tell him come on say you're a fat man Keith if you're looking at euro Porto Rican in there yeah or brown spit on me burn me like that crackhead yeah you're burly do whatever you want but you know burn feels like a cricket Joe how many times do we go out like when we're out together people comment am I on my look yeah over the top but look good feel good play good play the game of life you have a very good look you know what I like yeah that that the way I look bothers other people for what [ __ ] you does it you don't like that no one likes that I don't care you don't like to bother people Keith you're a very non economy you know me I work literally a pink dress to work it's not bothering me I get alright so we can go out and buy a nice pink dress then that's we're trying to say we could dress it up with a nice pair of pink shoes and then we're gonna get you a new wallet because that wallet is crazy that looks like a quadruple fold it's it's a trifle christmas is coming up I'm gonna get you a wallet no this is 14 years old we're unraveling this onion here and I cannot wait to get to the Blue Monster are you wearing underwear I mean I want to skip right to the cry today you would never hold on can I see this wallet I need I need to dive into this yes no no Keith there's a thousand cards in there dude and how many you have one credit card are those business cards that you are you taking dinners this is this is a dude this is a [ __ ] orthopedic card reminder call reminder card my tea has and my teeth are still shitty daddy joke's on me Keith this is for your knee what are you talking 20:14 it's in his wallet you know what let's do it let's do a wallet biopsy right now it's just I have no attachment to anything in here is this more or less I just have it it's the same [ __ ] with like my Twitter and I don't believe this my Instagram and all that stuff i i'll follow someone have never [ __ ] talk to it like i'd there's like a few people I follow on was it on Twitter huh for some odd reason I never have went into thing and cleared out and like unfiled people Keith never know it's the same [ __ ] with this I'm just gonna keep it because it's still working wait wait wait wait I just wanna actually want I just want to be clear here this is the most contradictory thing in the world you're telling me that you don't care you have no attachment to those things so much so that you won't get rid of them that's literally not I never said I wasn't gonna get rid of it I just said I didn't want to go through it no no let's give me that one card and let me just rip it up right now no no see now that you're - really now give me all those cars which ones hoho why can't we just go through it are you want my um health card you [ __ ] no you need that catch that was a great catch is there anything I'm Dunkin Donuts cards that's a movie ticket I like well [ __ ] aware I used to like Cupid movie stubs that movie I don't know but Keith I really want to dive into the separate pocket right here that has 5000 cards in it okay why can't we just clear this out all Metro cars you get kept yeah let's just say all of this we can just toss we're done right garbage just realistically dude how many look at this I feel like I'm playing uno and and everyone gave a draw for it unless I have a I have a plus I have a really rare metro card in there the holographic guy right is its gate Guardian Wow that's my guy do you need these things they stay and I love the do a card cuz yeah it does have an expiration yes to forms identification they don't even have it's just a white card that says Santa gato on it nothing else that's how I get into work if I'm working on that okay this is the W Hotel who are you I'm saving that because that's where I used to work I used to work in the W Hotel when we first started so you say the momentum you ever said that's fine okay this one rescue training definitely don't need this yeah I'm saving anybody I was going to the gym and I was going to the gym and that's when we were going ups but that's when we went to Chris Carlson yeah yeah hire Lauren a guy approached me who worked in the same building and said if you guys ever want to do CPR because he was a fan of us and I never know so we don't need it we announce that all right okay no more Metro cards seven one eight dentist part rolling out ten eight five thirty you don't want to miss that throw that well here no I didn't say it's not a physician metric this is for 2014 orthopedic that's when Keys like MetroCard MetroCard MetroCard well I know when it's the rare one because all the same okay here's that's not the one so you want to toss this you toss it okay we're tossing what is this that's the rare I'll keep that this is a Grand Central Terminal uh-huh why is this is the rare one yeah that's mad I think they made only like a hundred thousand yeah alright we're keeping that that's for you I feel good about this I don't know nothing for to me no yeah no reason cuz now look you took all the [ __ ] out I'm gonna throw it all out I'm never gonna be able to put a card back in here now because I've had this wall for so we're gonna get two new wallets I understand what at [ __ ] Christmas I'll go get you a wallet when we keep I can make a wallet better than this one in this apartment Adam things I cut out of a pillow dude this wallet you open it up and it looks like in between like your your [ __ ] your couch cushions yo this looks like like like a cowboy from the Wild West this would be his wallet is like yeah and there would just be full of bounties and shillings like fake gold Regal that's that's [ __ ] expired that's another MetroCard this is what a MetroCard do you need this do you want to keep them out yeah keep them you keep the ones with the different colors what is he gonna do you like some you're enabling [ __ ] character no you're enabling no no no give all green and put why do I need one just throw it the red keep health we need this is another one this one is a dentist appointment in 2015 getting closer to our current year [Laughter] MetroCard MetroCard I'm gonna count these at the end for the last two years March 27th I don't know what year though we're back in 2014 we are back in 2014 here we're back orthopedic back in 2014 all the Metro cars so here we go now another dentist appointment that goes thrown out another MetroCard jet that gets thrown out give it I want emotion what is this Keith Japan Sark ooh you have a Sarco card and teriyaki and sushi Express you're a VIP you are a VIP at Sarco japan club card is VIP how much Saku have you had no I was whenever I would go to stop and shop with mom food shopping wise it was same complex [ __ ] and I would always get a teriyaki chicken on my rice mmm and if I got five of them you'd get a free one okay so now we're back at the orthopedic surgeon and this is 2015 get rid of that very close to Valentine's Day though yeah Keith more dentists this kid's been to the dentists like you would not believe 2015 another dentist card MetroCard MetroCard Metro car MetroCard metro card metro card metro card there we go back at the orthopedic surgeon June of 2015 metro card man what the [ __ ] is a bunch of baby feet well I public health nurse the [ __ ] is that let me see oh I know what this is yeah yeah you keep that I have a subway card I don't I don't know good luck yeah [ __ ] subway back at the dentist July of 2015 uh [ __ ] that place back at the dentist again July 20th dentist 2015 a Queen's consultation center what the [ __ ] is this there's nothing even written on it put in your wallet so long that the ink has disappeared did I mention it was 14 years old and then this is back at the orthopedic surgeon okay September of 2015 Keith you have been to the or if someone found your wallet there would be like this person has only been to the dentist an orthopedic surgeon I counted these 30 years 30 is 30 this is a good cleanse this is thick no it doesn't don't keep them MetroCards it's pointless keep them for the weight the actual weight I know this is why I didn't want to do this this is the only reason I didn't want to do this oh yeah yeah wait I don't get the argument what do you mean the wait take the garbage Joey it's leather it stretches out right okay so now you stretch something out for [ __ ] ten years do you think it's I gave to my wallet so hard [ __ ] are you doing what sit there do you need 30 of them yes he does just for the disk you literally literally all of these is me buying them every 30 days so that I can go to work I'd buy an unlimited MetroCard and I was gonna do one it's all this it's okay I just save it in my wallet for the hell of it yeah do you have any do you have any like I think we're good where I think we're good I think we made good progress here yeah I think we purged your wallet a bit Wow he's making a big step Wow a big step this isn't bothering me I already [ __ ] told you the reason of why I wanted to keep all of it in there kids yelling but since it's such a big deal alright whatever baby steps we're gonna care we're gonna clear the wallet and then we're gonna go buy some jeans you know eight times I pissed on this thing there's peeing on your wallet you're putting your underwear in the toilet burning by crackheads with life you living here it's it's adventurous you're the most like I have a very good system person I've ever talked to how do you pee on that no wonders wart Judith but we know my piece stories I know your piece stories but are you pissing into your pocket dude it's talk so big put it in my back pocket dude I've woken up multiple times in my bed where I'm fully clothed and I'm wearing I'm wearing jeans yeah socks a [ __ ] sweater yeah all of it I wake up the whole thing whole thing is drenched Wow I don't know how I hold all this liquid so you're sitting yesterday yesterday but like this is what's scary is last night like I drank nine beers and then I got wireless streaming and I had like a [ __ ] ton of water I went to bed 161 pounds woke up woke up the next day 152 pounds which means I peed out all of that Keith how do I hold that much like [ __ ] liquid you weigh yourself like a UFC fighter you waiters up before bed when you wake up I'm curious to see like how cuz like I'm like hovering right now around like 1 51 or 52 alright that's a nice healthy weight not how it's packed on me it's not but before we get the 10 questions what do you have an ideal weight I have an ideal weight that I probably have 145 - 205 you wanna be 145 when I was when I was like in really good shape and I was younger I find it I know you did it sound like I dropped a penny before could that was it um what was it talking about 1:45 Keith you were always like six you're also 16 no when I was when I was 23 when I was 23 I was 139 pounds okay and I was in decent shape like oh this is all this is right now it's just I haven't worked out in five years so yeah but you have the metabolism like a six year old girl yeah burning cow yeah I wish burning cows and I burned by crack did I eat one slice of bread I gained 48 pounds yeah that's just how it works I've seen it happen if I just look at a cake I gained six pounds that's how it works for me do that you know what was weird I was drinking Lacroix yeah the quoi I was [ __ ] out that name look rooks yeah the Crocs I would love a little crooks right now yeah Rasha local haha alright so before we get out of here I have we have ten questions that we're gonna be asking everyone on the show you're the first episode of the extra yards so congratulations to you you got some stuff done to it we got a lot of stuff then we purge the wallet um all right first question we're gonna go back and forth big filler for this one yeah you're not gonna have that with another guest well let's see your wallet picture you and your parents come on throw it away Magnum condoms yeah okay they're not alive anymore it's your only memento of them for now here we go do you say read receipts or read receipts read receipts Wow really I say read I say I say read receipts to I say read but read it read it read is a word rather I know range of word but it makes more sense but I say read no because it's like you know did you read this yeah then that's right but the person receiving it would say yeah I read that yeah but you have to realize also I can't even probably write like a great essay for you like my English whole thing I wish is terrible for me your English hole my English hole is tight it's not it's expanded it's not great okay next question next question are you more of a truth person or a dare person probably a dare Wow do you agree I don't know I don't know I don't know a whole lot of truth or dare I feel like you're a very truthful person too though but you'll you're down to get to the nitty-gritty you're down to tear it up and down to dare album GTR hold on I won't think he did I won't force it there but you gonna put it there I'll [ __ ] go there can you [ __ ] it I'll get inside you yeah what's something you have to do every day like not like pee or poo poo we cover that like stuff that you need to do everyday they like kind of like make yourself complete besides put a new metro card in your wall and you have to yeah you have to do help it helps you relax right yeah it's it's my escape okay nice it is my drug do you think your social media account is a good portrayal of who you are yeah do you though no see but my my social media accounts literally how altamar is just me basically just posted dump [ __ ] and like making fun of myself because I think it's hilarious yeah I don't think it's out that I don't take myself serious is more or less I think it's lawyers yeah I don't think I don't think mine portrays who I really have like I wasn't I posted on my Instagram today and then the picture before that I don't think I posted on my Instagram in like a month so I mean it's here or there what animal best describes you we'll go like a komodo dragon nice Melway nice sentence is a Des Moines exit five again I just cool you just like Komodo dragons but you had to describe because the reason I didn't like them and it's kind of [ __ ] up also is if they bite you there's bacteria in their saliva that we do not have cures for and you're gonna die so if you ever get bit by a komodo dragon you're gone so Keith doesn't trust many people I don't think so that's what it is if you bit me right now we'd have to drive I mean I got some gingivitis so I might lose a couple teeth there but oh yes yeah rate yourself one to ten ten love it that confidence is great I love that this great answer what game show would you have the best chance on definitely not jeopardy yeah [ __ ] that [ __ ] me ah game show TV do the bird noise just one time [Laughter] no that's one of the best impressions of an animal I've ever heard that's insane give us the bird over time if I heard that [ __ ] I'd be like yo get this [ __ ] bird out of here he's got even different seasons yeah you got a different two different seasons that's water yes that's a different species is what it may be give me a fall bird yeah yeah go ahead what a fall bird like a bird in the fall yeah I'm here give this whole bird absolutely is November when he did that I felt a leaf cop come down and touch my face I can feel a little aim under my foot all right what game show bro oh [ __ ] I don't know uh we'll go you know what [ __ ] it I'd probably kill it I will fortune okay oh cool yeah you're that dumb [ __ ] let me Brian a it's like well now I got nobody [ __ ] idiot no there's an a there do you think your personality is better than your looks hell yeah margarita pizza let me [ __ ] Oread damn um for me it came with a margarita what's your lease what's your least favorite feature about yourself probably my knees because they suck okay the way they look like they just wish you had different knees they're always hurting someone else knees yeah okay if I get a knee replacement in both of them and never have to why where I'm going with this yeah and last question last question is are you happy today now that's awesome it's the weekend yeah yeah I think so I'm just glad you didn't go the are Kelly song so no I think we had it this is a great first episode I had fun I heard some Santa gato stories I had no idea happen yeah it's burning yeah ooh you got burned by cracking sounds like a Christmas carol okay I'm dripping from their nose while it's soaking cookies seven pissy wallets 30 Metro cards and a crack it with a cigarette oh man so true it's so true though anyway Keith tell us where they can find you in your orthopedic surgeon from 2014 he actually did surgery so tell people about your you're too extreme where they can find you when you all right Jonna games you play all that [ __ ] well was it yeah you might which handle is twitch.tv slash case anthikad oh I scream sporadically I don't really have set days when I scream but I try to during a week try to do like three to four days okay so I don't really have a set schedule I like to keep my what time oh I stream after work so that'll probably be like early so stream is probably 6:30 okay p.m. Pacific Standard Time seven o'clock GMT always [ __ ] those up it's alright like I still don't like you just told me it I still do stir it bro Eastern Standard North East know just because we're yes we're the East part of the country okay gotcha alright sick alright cool well that was a fun first episode of in the extra yard you guys can look forward to more episodes like this with some special guests that me and Daniel will be grilling and giving those 10 questions to and finding out a little more about them they won't get better answers than me they won't probably I doubt it I highly doubt it no one who comes on the show for the rest of time is ever going to say something like do you know how many times I've pissed on this wallet that's just gonna stay do you think it's like molding to you see like the white yeah no no you see like it's the white for cuz like I pee and then like you know when you get like the the cards get wet yeah so from there I guess like the friction is like blowing off a little of the dough the paper pieces it's catch he's got a fish infused wallet oh yeah but you wanted to go through it yeah before I knew there was piss mold on it yeah Joel I've been peeing myself my whole career I didn't know you were pissing into the [ __ ] fold where you put your [ __ ] wallet we're getting you a new alright anyway that is all that's all for this week's episode of the extra large key thanks for coming on we appreciate it if [ __ ] yourself alright you have a dentist appointment coming up [Music]

Channel: The Basement Yard

Views: 408,108

Keywords: joe santagato, santagato, danny lopriore, podcast, danny, frank, frank alvarez, basement yard, the basement yard, extra yard, joe, patreon, idiots, funny, comedy

Id: mp2nE2cH3zQ

Length: 67min 16sec (4036 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 09 2020