Have you ever wondered how to get back at
the narcissist? Did you even think that's possible? By the end of this video, you're going to
have real tips on exactly how to do just that. Hi. I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% Attorney and the
bestselling author of the books Negotiate Like You Matter and Breaking Free A Step by
Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma,
and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose and I do the same thing right
here with you on this channel and in these videos. So before we go any further, make sure you
hit that subscribe button, hit that notification bell, and that way you will be notified every
time I upload brand new content that is made just for you. What are some of the traits of a narcissist? It's really important to understand a narcissist
if you're going to be able to get back at them. So if you haven't seen my video on the seven
deadly sins of narcissism, you're definitely going to want to check that out. Here's a basic primer on narcissists. The basic primer is that they have no inner
sense of value so they have to suck all of their value from the external, which we call
narcissistic supply. And on top of that, they have no sense of
care, empathy, or feeling for other people. That's the second layer that people often
forget. Sometimes people think, "Oh, if somebody goes
around saying how great they are, they definitely must be a narcissist." There's that second added layer of they really
literally don't have the ability to care for other people. And it's all on a continuum because all of
us want to feel seen, heard, and know that we matter. We all have that as human beings. And we all want to tell other people about
our accomplishments and share that with people. And oftentimes it's necessary to share your
accomplishments in order for people to understand that you have value in a work setting or something
like that. But what I'm talking about here is that added
layer of, "I don't have any sense of inner value and I also don't care about other people." That's how narcissists think. So when you're dealing with narcissists, you're
going to be seeing a person who is constantly trying to figure out a way to get supply from
people. So supply can come in the form of adulation
and compliments and having lots of money and all of these things. But supply can also come in the form of controlling
people, degrading people, devaluing people, and treating people poorly because they get
supply from trying to make themselves feel better by putting other people down or trying
to get that sense control. That's also a form of supply. How do you possibly get back at a narcissist? First thing that you're going to do is remain
calm, cool, and collected. Just remain as unemotional as possible. Just imagine that you're watching a two year
old have a tantrum on the floor. That's just going to absolutely drive them
crazy and you start to beat them at their own game because remember, they get narcissistic
supply from driving you crazy. So if you're cutting off that supply, if you're
just looking at them and you're saying, "I can see that you're upset." Or, "Are you okay? Perhaps we should have this conversation later
when you've calmed down." And you just smile remain calm. Now remember you have to do this in a way
that's completely not sarcastic at all. There could be even a twinge of that because
a twinge of tone or a twinge of sarcasm, they will notice it, they will hear it. Narcissists are like dogs with dog whistles
when it comes to tone. So you got to be really careful to make sure
that you're just saying it in a way that's just the facts, like that old TV show, just
the facts ma'am or sir. So you're just noticing, just observing what
they're doing. So remain calm, cool and unemotional. Number two is to use phrases that are observant
but not reactionary. And this is kind of related to number one. But if they say things to you like, "You're
just jealous." Or, "You're a cheater." Or something like that. Those are phrases that are deliberately meant
to get a rise out of you, deliberately meant to cause you to be upset because then they're
getting that supply. So you're going to say things like if they
accuse you of things, "You're a deadbeat dad, you're a crappy mom, you are an alcoholic." Things like that. The normal reaction for us as human beings
is to go, "What? Are you crazy? That's you." And to engage. And now here you are, you're in the mud with
them. You're down and dirty and getting into it
with them and that's what they want. Now they've won. So if you want to beat them, you're going
to turn around and you're going to say, "I hear what you're saying. I don't agree with you, but you are certainly
entitled to your opinion," or something like that because they want you to defend yourself. So you're not even going to defend yourself. You're just going to say, "I hear what you
say. I don't agree with you, but you're certainly
entitled to your opinion." Never badmouth them to anybody. I know it's so hard. You're going to want to just tell the world
how awful these people are. "They're liars, they're cheaters, they're
manipulators, they're intimidating, they're trying to make me think I'm crazy," and on
and on and on and on and on. And they do that to get narcissistic supply
out of you. And so even if you think that you're just
telling one person or somebody that's close to them, "I think that this person is a narcissist,"
or whatever, you're actually playing into their hands. So what you want to do is actually not talk
about them at all like as if they never existed. The way to really beat them is to make them
disappear. Disappear them from your life and in a way
that you're not talking about, it's like they never even came into your life. Like you never had a relationship with them
at all. And that's what will really hurt them and
really cause you to beat them because you're no longer giving them any supply whatsoever. Remember they have these flying monkeys, these
minions, these spies that are all around and you never know where they're going to be or
what's going to get back to them and any little thing that gets back to them makes them think
that, "Ooh. They still care what I think. Ooh. They still want to be involved with me in
some way." And so you just resist that urge. If you really need to vent, if you really
need to find a place to go and talk to people, I do have a private Facebook group, which
is called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. Go in there and vent to people who are also
dealing with narcissists or talk to your therapist or talk to your parents or other people that
aren't going to go back and tell this person that you were talking about them. Really resist the urge. Just don't talk about them at all if possible. And if you are so over it, give me a so over
it! in the comments. The fourth thing that you can do is quit going
above and beyond. You've done enough for these people. You've given them not only your mind, body,
but also your soul and it's enough already. It's enough already. So be done with it. You've fed the black hole enough. It's one of those machines that you're just
constantly putting in but you never get anything out. You're constantly giving, giving, giving. They're constantly taking, taking, taking. There's nothing you're ever going to do to
change that paradigm. So just stop. Just stop right now. You can't fix them. Stop giving them love. Stop giving them care. Stop giving them attention. You can't love them back to health. It's just not possible. So right now today, today's the day that you
stop putting those quarters into that machine that's not even working as you're not getting
anything out of it. Okay? And the fifth thing that you can do is to
go no contact completely. I understand this is difficult if you still
have this person in your life. So if you can't go no contact, then you need
to have super strict boundaries. But going no contact is ideal and no contact
means, block them on everything. It means don't talk to them at all. It means any form of anything is going to
give them a little bit more supply. So it goes back to what I was saying earlier. You don't talk about them, it's as if you
have completely erased them from your life. You've never met them before. So that's the only way to finally beat them
at their own game. So if you like this video, give it a like,
give it a share, drop me a comment, let me know that you were here. And if you haven't already subscribed to my
channel, now is a great time to do that. If you are getting ready to negotiate with
the narcissist, make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet. It's 15 pages. It's basically an ebook. It's totally free. You can either get it at the link below or
just go to winmynegotiation.com and it will be all yours. And as I mentioned, I do have a private Facebook
group called Narcissist Negotiators. Feel free to join me there as well if you'd
like. I'm so glad you stopped by and I will see
you in the next video. Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating
your best life.
