General Counsel for an NBA Team Is About to Sign a Love Contract | Dear Future Wifey S5, E405

i didn't necessarily want to focus on the public i want to focus on the people that were closest to me but i was aware of other people may look up to me and it was this how would they feel if they see me have starting a family with a woman who doesn't was white yep and we literally sat there and i said i told her that concerns me that's good because i don't want them to feel less i don't want my niece to ask the question what's wrong with me yeah that i don't know if i could curse but that it hurts yeah the thought of that if i could see my my one of my nieces asking that question because i love them unconditionally yeah i think they are so beautiful and i want to do everything to bring out that beauty i still will um and so that was the impetus of the conversation that happened back in january we put porn to shame the womb isn't just about where i give her talk about it home is about where we give birth to purpose talk i was basically all of her neighbors i never imagined my journey would inspire people all over the world you have set a standard in love i was dating a young lady who helped me heal wow this woman is a ride or die conversations have really helped me to change my perspective on relationships i had 19 attorneys at one time they were speaking into my ear right 19 attorneys my last relationship you know they did a number what you did not know is i had a whole little situation lined up that evening your transparency is literally setting people free and you're unique you ain't like nobody else i've noticed that right away you can make me cry um thank you i receive that let one of them barbie doll bodies walk over here you gonna say dear future wifey you know what i said they're gonna go right in that box i'm the terrace r whitfield and welcome to the dear future wifey podcast welcome to the dear future podcast i'm your host the tarasaur whitfield listen are you still shacking up with us if you're still shacking up with us come on we're in season five can we make a commitment and subscribe we're on the road to reach 100 000 subscribers and we're about 6 500 shy so come on let's do your part share the podcast and tell everybody to subscribe if you're listening to us on streaming platforms such as apple podcast google podcast or wherever you consume your audio podcast then leave a review give us four or five stars and um depending on what the platform requires and so we can spread the word on this personal journey as i discover uncover and recover love i'm always addressing my own idiosyncrasies and my own biases i'm making sure that i don't duplicate the same mistakes that i made in the past and choosing my my my purpose partner in the future and so after having this organic conversation while i was out working on the project i met this amazing gentleman who i'm going to introduce y'all to in in a second uh listen without further ado welcome to the dear future wifey podcast my new homies c cool lewis and maddie steger how y'all doing [Applause] so apologize for that so say cool lewis uh seku so i was working on the project i was i interviewed you to um give a tribute to scent marshall for uh uncf for the united negro college fund for their gala and you were just excited about your uh upcoming wedding yeah and then i said uh you said yeah i'm about to get married and i get excited when i hear a man get excited about see you know that man he was all excited and stuff about it and then i said so um i said so what made you marry this particular individual and what did you say she brings me peace she brings me peace and i said wow this is amazing um then i said uh and then we started talking about some other stuff and we talked about legacy and and all this amazing stuff that has transpired you talked about how uh [Music] solid she is as as a christian woman and uh did you know he values those things and you you know that no i mean i had a feeling but i've never heard him say it out never heard him say it or to anyone else because he's so private see and see he's sharing this stuff with me so i was like wow so then what i did maddie is i went on the internet and i googled i said okay let me pull up uh say cool and um it popped up your picture and then i said hmm now the the excitement that i had now transferred into a bias because i'm like okay he's marrying a white woman and then i said hmm now the terrace deal with that now how do you feel how were you at first excited about it then you by just seeing the color of her skin now you're like ah is he one of them is he one of these type of guys and um i was like all right um god because i'm i'm a christian man i said all right i want to talk to him one day and ask without judging him and and his preference or his decision to marry this amazing woman let me get his story so um organically he ended up calling me about this other project and i said i gotta ask you something brother and um and i'm i'm i asked him this question i said what made you marry her and i told him the back story about what i had looked at and googled and i said so tell me why you married her this episode is titled the color of love so seku what did you say well it wasn't hard to pick maddie that wasn't the hard part it wasn't her it was probably it was everything else that surrounded her and us right and you and i talked about this the the example i gave was you know i was raised at four older sisters uh and my mother so there's five women in the household i have a younger brother thank god for him uh and my father um and then i have aunts yes my mother's sisters and they're all all eight of them are beautiful amazing strong women who are well accomplished smart they're the leaders of the family our grandmother she you know my grandfather passed away so our grandmother was a matriarch of the family she was she was brilliant um so i grew up with strong black women leading me right and they are responsible for a large part of who i am today just still to this day in the toughest decisions that i make in life i call them usually first yeah right um because i have a high value of respect um i i look up to them not physically i'm tall than them but in every other and every other aspect but so when this relationship came about i had i have a strong love for them so everyone that looks like them and me and when maddie came up i had to think about it be not maddie but i hear it is i love this woman unconditionally right no filter but i think about my nieces my sisters uh my cousins how would they feel knowing that the woman i chose to be with for the rest of my life didn't look like them right regardless if she was white even she was hispanic or any other that they didn't look like them right and i thought in particular about my uh my younger nieces because i wondered i really thought about this hard and actually mad night maddie and i had this conversation early on in our relationship that's good i brought this up i said this is a concern of mine that's good and i said i my younger nieces i wanted them to know that regardless of who i choose to be with i still love you you are beautiful you are strong i will stand by you i will stand behind you and when the time is needed i will stand in front of you um and so i had to do a lot of deep soul searching yeah and really understand like what love meant to me yes um and so i had conversations with those important women i talked about in my life i had conversations with very close friends um and at times they set me straight hmm i thought they were going to co-sign on the biases that that not necessarily um and they set me straight and so after that i have to realize what my heart felt well where my spirit was moving and where the people that actually cared about me they knew me where they were all pointing to me it was left to say to myself what are you waiting for there it is there it is and see um i don't have a problem with who people choose to love i just don't like it when someone chooses to love someone outside the race to the demise of their own race if they go all black women are this all black women are loud i don't like black women they do this this this so i'm gonna go over and marry someone of a different ethnicity then i go okay now that's a little self-hate because now you're generalizing a whole demographic of people and that demographic is you but you're saying all black women are this so after i heard you say what you said to me i was like bruh like what's up can i come to the wedding like like it's like because at the end of the day love wins and that's all i care about i care about people making holistic decisions based upon the the convictions of their heart making sure they actually look at and you did an inventory to self-inventory to say okay now how do i feel about this and you would have prevented yourself based upon what you feel society looks at and judged and all that type of stuff and you would have had which have been sad is that you'd have forgone the love of your life just because what other people may think and it don't matter what nobody else thinks but it's great that you had a support system that rallied behind you and checked you on your own heart uh maddie how have you dealt with that like how did your family respond to it well my family loves him more than they love me sometimes because when he says she that i bring him peace he has been the most peaceful blanket i've ever experienced in my life i grew up in a very um anxious household um we had alcoholics in my family it was a lot of uneasiness a lot of i'm the older sibling i'm the older sister there's two of us and so i grew up kind of being like a second mom wanting to take care of her and make sure she's okay um and i also had in my 20s i had really crappy relationships and uh my family has always wanted the best for me and when my dad first met sekou he so my dad is a very quiet person he's a man of very little words um he has never said anything about any other boyfriends i've ever had he just doesn't have any interest in taking part in anything nope doesn't really care and i and i know i know why now because he saw straight through him that's all i was about to say he was like this guy he's not very temporary yeah he's like i ain't going to get my my heart involved i don't want to know i'm not going to waste my time no not at all absolutely not well he after my mom had met sekou he reached out to me and he was like i am coming to dallas he was coming in town for a conference and he said i want to i want to meet him and i was like okay um so we arranged for a breakfast meeting i'm like breakfast sounds safe right i feel like we can get we can get in and out and just do a breakfast thing and so seku comes to meet him before um before he goes to work so of course he comes in in a suit and i'm just like oh god and my dad my dad he wears like i don't know like cargo like military pants and normally and he came in with a suit this time no no my dad didn't wear a suit say who wasn't a seiko absolutely okay and my dad was in his like normal relaxed clothes and so we get to talking and my dad loves um he loves hunting he's into like guns and knives and all the things right um these things that they just make seiko real scared right well actually no that's the thing not at all like that's like they bonded over that so the whole time at breakfast i'm like i'm still here i like it i didn't even get a word in and it the whole the whole time i'm thinking like seriously god yeah really like the this is it this is the one that my dad chooses to and when i say my dad doesn't have an opinion like he has never said anything like he doesn't say like that guy's trash i don't care it's like they don't exist exactly so after after breakfast and sekou leaves and my dad gives me a hug and i i i didn't grow up super close to my dad he traveled a lot for work um as i've gotten older i've gotten closer with my dad but during that time it was like we were trying to form a relationship so he hugged me really tight and he looked at me grabs both of my hands and he goes maddie i really really like that man wow and i just went what i it i was speechless for a good like minute i didn't really know what to say i just kind of got teary eyed and handed y'all been dating during that time what that was january so yeah a few months um yeah and um so to answer your question how does my family feel about him they like them when they like you long story short yes absolutely my mom adores him my dad loves him my sister loves him my grandparents love him everyone just loves him i asked him this question and um i don't know if he ever told you this but i said i love to hear how soon a man knows when that's the one for them that that's the woman that's the person that's the wife second you remember what you said remember pieces of it i remember a piece of it how long did it take you to know that this is the one it didn't take long at all quantified by time roughly probably i would say spring 2020. so from the time you met in the time that happened how many months was that would have been six yep about six hours as we said about first six months i say that most men know they get a feeling early on but they actually say this is it they make a decision within the first six months and um and that's what i just found from a lot of guys a lot of guys like in the first couple of weeks i knew this is the one but it may take a while for them to actually give themselves freely to the vetting process yeah you got to check your feelings like hold on man hold on i can't even get all caught up like this she may be trying to slick me right now i got to keep my gangsta a little while longer you know what i'm saying so they fight that emotion for as long as possible and then they go all right that's the one daddy now okay he like me okay i can't be that dude i can't be the dude that's playing and fumbling around with our heart um and what he said in that was so powerful unpack that when you said originally that she was a place of peace what did you mean by that so a few things i've been in past relationships that were like roller coasters i had a friend a close friend we were like well we've been friends with high school and he jokingly was like i'm not hanging around you guys it's like world war three that's right and so i was just it it was shocking because you know when you're in a relationship especially if it's normal yeah the volatility is normal yeah you don't see it as as drastically as somebody from the outside looking in and he's a straight shooter with me here we've always that's kind of relationship we call like it is so when he said that i was like whoa i had to take a step back too like this is if if a good friend of mine is telling me this is what it's like i don't know if this is like the best thing yeah right and so when i talked when i thought about my connection with maddie immediately it was i felt well one actually let's take a step back i was in a place of peace right as a person i was in a good state that's good that's powerful i want and i was willing to accept a person for where they were there it is um i wasn't going to try to force anyone and that was i was very intentional but i wasn't going to try to force anyone to be where i needed them to be look it was this is where i am i want to know where you are and if you're not there i respect it and we'll just figure out the best thing for us that we talked about this early on and she was at a state where she was in a similar place good and we had like real honest conversations about a lot of things a lot of taking or leaving moments early on and the fact that i could have that level of like uh risk on the table with somebody yeah um and still come up with a winning hand it made me feel like okay i'm good and even my indecisiveness at times didn't rattle on the outside didn't rattle her right and so i accepted that that gave me more comfort that okay because i know life throws a lot at you life is very consistent at being inconsistent with something yes and you need somebody that can be able to move with you in times of uncertainty in times of difficult times and even good times not getting overly excited yes and she was willing and she was able to move with me but also let me move through it on my own that's good that was the piece i needed because uh you know we're all unique individuals and i have varying interests that don't always make sense when you look at me that has nothing to do with the woman i'm getting ready to marry but i'm i'm talking about just like i'm a very eclectic mind the music i like the activities i like to participate in for exercise like martial arts or something like that right um and i'm very intellectually curious so my mind can shift that can scare people yeah because it's like yesterday you had long hair now you got short hair what's up who are you man who are you and next you know and for a woman security is very important yes and inconsistency is the opposite of security 100 so i like to say my mind is curious and she's always she's okay she's more comfortable with that allowing me to be me and so that brings me peace and by that bringing me peace i can give her more maddie mm-hmm what do you think when you hear him saying what he's saying oh he's spot on and i think the most important piece to everything that he's saying when i hear him talk about how he was moving through and trying to navigate everything if if we had um gone back in time and i was maddie a year and a half prior and i had met him but absolutely not because i wasn't at peace with myself i was insecure i wasn't stable i didn't like my job i didn't feel comfortable with myself i didn't know who i was as a person i'm still trying to figure myself out and stop right there okay people got to hear that i'm trying to tell you because a lot of people are they're they they feel like they're deserving of love to the degree of marriage they're like i'm supposed to be a wife but how can you be a wife when you don't even know who you are the bible says he that findeth the wife find it the good thing you have to be a wife already in order to be found people feel like the wife is after the the numptuals that's what happens at the ceremony no a wife exists that's why i said he who finds a wife uh and so you just said this place of peace is this place of understanding who you are and the minute you understood who you are that's how you could be found and he could see who you are i always say uh this is quote that god gave me last year that said men should pursue and not persuade and a woman should present and not pursue so a woman should just present i'm whole he'll see that he'll go okay this is different this is different from what i've been through in the past this other part seemed a little chaotic this other woman i dated or relationships in the past like you said was a little toxic and now i see this wholeness we're meeting each other in this place of holiness now we can truly see each other for who we are that's what's so beautiful in this uh continue maddie um yeah i mean that's just that's the most important piece to the whole puzzle of us is that i think we not i think i know we were both in a place of this is who we are and we were so incredibly vulnerable with each other from the jump that's what he told me i want you i want to explain that because he said this and i said i get emotional when i when i think about that because vulnerability and trans you cannot have a healthy marriage a healthy relationship a healthy parenting relationship with your kids if you won't be transparent and vulnerable but i want you to unpack that well i'll go back to how i was raised and if my mom and dad listen to this no offense you all know this um there was secrets in the house and a lot of things were kept swept under the rug nothing was addressed we didn't have the tough conversations we didn't it was just kind of it uh they seemed like they just didn't want to talk about it because it was too tough to talk about right and i knew that as an adult i could not and did not want to live that way um so when i met him and we started talking about the hard things i mean we talked about like like he said we talked about interracial relationships at the very beginning before the pandemic and before it was cool to talk about yeah we um we had that tough conversation it was like a three hour long conversation it's tough it's hard yeah we both felt like okay i'm gonna go to sleep now like i literally just laid my whole life out on the table um but yeah it was that is being vulnerable with someone is so hard but it is so incredibly important and i'm not saying i'm perfect i still have my quirks i still have my my anxious moments where i get insecure and i feel too vulnerable um you know i'm human but from the beginning and us being so open with each other has just set the tone for who we are as a couple going forward and it's been i don't i don't even i don't even know the word it's just a blessing to be honest with you it's like something i've never experienced in my life i asked c cool i said uh a seiku i asked him i said listen how did you know this is the one for you he said when i was able to have conversations with her expecting her to leave but she never would go he said when i was able to have conversations with her expecting her to leave but she never would go and i was like ah i want to run around that mavericks headquarters when he said that uh you know first of all seku is the bomb he's an intelligent dude he's a general counsel for the dallas mavericks he's he's he's bomb young brilliant mind um and so i'm about to run around the headquarters i was like yes because we're so afraid to have those conversations she said i'm be honest with you certain stuff i said i'm going to just drop this on her and see what happens she's going to leave he said and i would say it and then she would still be there and we'll go closer gosh i need people to hear that he said i would have these conversations with her and it would draw us closer well that's an undeniable that's why when that happens it doesn't matter what the world says you can pass by people on the street and they can look at you with judgmental eyes and discriminatory looks you like we got this we solid over here i hope you all get what we got right here you know what i'm saying it becomes a moment of when the bible says that we become one flesh that we will cleave to one another then that's what's happening even before the i do's is that you are cleaving to one another because you are allowing each other to go into spaces in each other's hearts that have never been inhabited by other people that no other man that you've ever dealt with has has been an inhabitant of that place in your heart and vice versa for my brother over here it just it's so when you have this cleaving this moment that happens spiritually and emotionally and psychologically and physically then you're able to say i love you and you're able to say those beautiful numptuals and be able to mean it from the core of your soul because you did the work unfortunately people walk down the aisle they say these beautiful vows they spend all this money on the accoutrements of of of a wedding but then they don't really know each other but when y'all had those tough conversations early on what made you be willing to have those conversations she at the very beginning she made the comment of he really doesn't talk much but then the more i'm hearing unpacking that you may not talk much but when you talk you say some stuff like a dad like when when time to talk i'ma talk about what needs to be addressed exactly uh what made you decide to challenge your relationship with the truth it was a journey it was a journey it was a journey within myself first the truth my own truth um there was a lot that that went into this there was a lot of tragedy in my family prior to matty and i really making that bond and it really allowed me to get a perspective on life life and love yes and what the value of it is um jay-z is a great lion says and people know the price of a lot but the value of nothing um that was paraphrased not quoted but i learned the value of of love and i also learned in order to have it within yourself you have to be honest you have to be vulnerable in order to be able to bring it to a relationship you have to be yourself or your own self but i i said this at my brother's wedding he gave me he asked me to do impromptu speech but it's kind of i've got some themes in life that i try to carry on and i i wear them or i i speak them but i told them in the speech i said you have to be brave in love you have to be brave and courageous when you step into that arena of love if you know i grew up playing basketball so competitive i'm a competitive person by nature not overly competitive but i like to compete yeah and i know when you step onto that court you step into that arena you step onto that field in order to win you've got to take risk and with every risk that you take you have to be vulnerable accepting that you might not win you might not make the shot you might not score the goal especially if it's a martial art you might get hit upside their head and love is brutal like that yes you can get hit upside the head but the only way you're going to win is if you take that risk is if you're brave you stand there right in front of your own fears your own vulnerabilities and you put them out there and you see what comes back and you're also accepting of the truth that if you put it out there she might not like it she might laugh at you right she may say no i'm cool bro or she may actually say i get that let me let me let me take a few steps further with you and so by taking that risk being brave in love that was like that was what i came with i was willing to do that work i was willing to be that guy i didn't see it as a weakness being vulnerable because i like i said if i'm looking at the field of the competitive field just take combat sport for example um you have to have bravery to step into there even if you get knocked out most people won't step into there so just like love if you want to be that champ you want to win you have to be brave in that arena and step out there and be willing to get knocked out or be the victor uh you know you and i talked about uh writing your your vows then you kind of just wrote them right then they wrote themselves and we have it recorded you can just get the transcription and we're done um so maddie when you hear him speak about you especially to someone else uh and a stranger initially hearing how he spoke about you without you being in the room how does that make you feel incredible and i he doesn't i mean i think this is the first time that i have heard him speak about me to someone else while i've been around uh because he he is he's a private person he doesn't share a whole lot and it's not just because of who i am or our relationship it's just he doesn't share anything about his life he's just private that's an attorney yeah exactly but really though um so to hear it i mean i i already know how he feels about me because i feel it right it's it's the way he treats me the way he speaks to me the way the way i just move about in life the way we interact with each other even without words just the way that we are with each other so i feel it but to hear it is a whole nother just level of yeah man yeah it's just confirmation you know and women like confirmation 100 you know and my love language is words of affirmation so it's just you're watering my plant right now that's that's how it feels yeah man let me tell you something that's what's so dope and that's what made me say i gotta talk to this couple because i didn't know you so i was like i gotta see who he loves you know what i'm saying because when a guy i'm telling you man we don't you kind of we have this i call it toxic masculinity where we are not taught to speak highly of the women that we love it's the craziest thing it's like well watch your marriage in the first place if you can't say anything good about it like you know i mean she you know she want to get married you know what i'm saying it just you know just is what it is yes like like that's like oh why can't you say my woman is amazing when i first met her i was well i said eyes on i knew she was the one i love this woman she does this is this you know people like you know why can't it be that that's what i want to make popular is where we can actually affirm our women love on them use words of affirmation if women are if that's not their love language and their love language is gifts why don't you give me money so you guys you go ahead and go that route and and love it with gifts and whatnot but whatever meet our spouses our significant others in the way that they receive love instead of withholding it you know what i'm saying it's a beautiful song that's a worship song but i like to liken it to a relationship uh by um william murphy that says withholding nothing you know and the song is i'm withholding nothing that's how i want my marriage to be is where i'm withholding nothing that my wife has everything and when he said that i was willing to share with her things i have never shared with anybody else but expecting them to leave because the main thing is we we we're we're vulnerable enough to say i noticed the right thing to do but i'm putting myself out there and this could hurt and i'm gonna go ahead and premeditate the pain i'm gonna say well i expect to leave anyway and then you stay and it's like oh oh okay oh oh well okay she's still here i'm gonna give a little bit more and then give a little bit more and then you have this beautiful dance that happens between the two of you where your hearts begin to dance and intertwine and now y'all have this beautiful thing called the covenant that you're about to take in the next couple of weeks um that right there just blessed me man so listen so as you what made you willing both of y'all i want y'all to answer this question what made y'all willing to do this interview uh do you want me to go first yeah okay well he had mentioned to me he well first of all he's wanted me he's mentioned he's like you you should do a podcast and i'm like ugh i just don't have the bandwidth right now uh with just my work schedule and planning a wedding and um also just health stuff so i'm more tired than normal sometimes um so i just so when he said we have the opportunity to go on a podcast i was like well this is interesting tell me more but he didn't tell me a whole lot you know which is super on brand for sekou it's kind of like just a little a little crumb here's a little crumb just come on uh-huh so when i when i sat down today this is the first time me hearing about what this was about but that but listen i'm i i know him as a man and he wouldn't put me in a situation that i couldn't handle there it is you know and god wouldn't put me in a situation i couldn't handle it there it is and again i'm comfortable with who i am i'm comfortable with being uncomfortable so i am i have to i mean why you say you have to well because of who well first of all my job so i have to be comfortable being uncomfortable what do you do soul cycle instructor oh yeah yeah yeah um and because of being in an interrelation interracial relationship being uncomfortable comes more often than not with comments and looks from people and you have to be solid in who you are as a woman to be able to handle that and not take it personally you know i want to come back and ask you about those looks uh um say cool what made you decide to do this honestly it was the rapport we had when we first started talking um oh yeah he did mention that he liked you a lot man we just vibed we had a long conversation the other day we were cracking up on the phone like we known each other about 20 years that was that that really was uh the impetus for it but also you know i try to think down the road and apart it was possibly for you know our unborn kids or if they happen to be adopted whatever the guy has planned yeah for them to hear our our story at this stage yes because when you become parents and your kids you look different sometimes you look in the mirror you probably are different um facts and so you know like i said before life is a journey and so if you can tell your story at a certain time yes you know hopefully maybe it's of help to someone else or it just memorializes my feelings for you that you can look back and see later so though that combination is the reason why what you're not going to do is give me emotions my feelings for you i've been chill a little bit now i'm banned okay all right let's give himself together memorialize my feelings for you you know how important that is because marriage comes with a lot of challenges and sometimes you forget we get amnesia that you used to love me at some point you know what i'm saying it's like sometimes we operate in such bitterness and hurt over some of the most trivial stuff but there was a moment in our love story where you decided to put a ring on my finger and say i want to spend the rest of my life not the next two years not this next six years not the seven years because most marriages uh end in divorce around the seven year mark coined as the seven year uh itch i did a whole ted talk about it but we don't we don't premeditate that day but we get amnesia that there was a moment where he bestowed upon you words of affirmation in front of the world and said i love this woman and ain't nothing no one can do about it you know we get amnesia about those moments so i love when you said memorialize and that's how that that spoke to me is that uh it just reminds us that whatever we're going through let's go and pull this video up and watch it you know and let me remind you and this is what we do and this the bible is god's love story to us and when we go look at and we read it god is reminding us remember i said this to you i said no weapon formed against you shall prosper and every tongue that rises up against you shall be condemned for this is your inheritance because you're a servant of me this is what this is my love story to you you know uh what i had joined together let no man put us under these these these beautiful vows that god wrote to us in the bible that reminds us of his love and that he's married to us and so when i hear you say that that's that's why speaking to me on the depths to the depths of my heart because i'm going that's what love is really about that's how we get to that's how we get to till death do we part you know and it's something that's very rare you want to say something maddie oh no i'm just listening to you i'm just trying to i'm my this little part right here this thing called this tear duct yeah it's acting up right now this little tear duct is acting up when you talked about the stairs when you talked about the judgmental looks um explain that what what are some of the the worst things that you've experienced and y'all have experience on this love journey to be honest with you it really hasn't i mean you know stupid people at a restaurant that kind of do the once-over yeah and like i don't that doesn't that doesn't really make me uncomfortable it's more it says way more about them than it does about us facts um so and really no one has said anything snarky to me um not at least not to my face yeah so um but just the just the looks of people and i it's uncomfortable for 2.5 seconds but then like i said it says more about them than it does about us facts yeah what about you mostly the looks yeah i also sometimes carry myself around like say something you know like because i well the thing is because i'll meet you in your eyes right if you're looking action that's fast i'll meet you in your eyes it says you know i see you looking what are you thinking yes in his eyes charging people up look at that like what say something please please say it but it's it's it so yeah i speak the truth you know yeah it's a window to your soul that's right and so it's it's mostly look sometimes i've learned that they're moving down here in the south in texas there's little subtle questions that can be asked um but i i i navigate those well and then i just i i i read them and then i kind of brushed them off and if you thinking a few things one you don't know me you don't know her you don't know our relationship if you actually knew our relationship you would probably support it yeah because it's a very honest relationship that's what i love and that's what i want the takeaway for this like as i was setting up for this uh interview i was like what do i want the takeaway i want the takeaway to be where people go i rock with them you know what i'm saying it's like how you gonna get mad at that like i rock with them and if you have anything negative say keep it to yourself because in the day this is this is this is what love is that's why i asked uh rihanna my technical director i said what should i what's this episode be called moments before y'all came in she said the color of love i love that and i was like deal i had directed a play years ago by my friend uh teresa wash um she runs the the bishop arts uh theater company um i write during the bishop arts district and i directed a play years ago called the color of love and so when she said that i was like i directed a play called that before perfect that's what it would be i grew up in a predominantly a white church i grew up in the assemblies of god uh first assuming god in mesquite the only black family in the whole church and so i grew up i lived in the hood poor all-black neighborhood but then i went to an all-white church and so for 16 years my whole experience of white people weren't negative it was it was it was the most positive some of my best friends were were white and they took care of me i would get their hand-me-down they would give me like uh their hand-me-down jordans and whatnot that they wore a couple of times like i don't like these shoes and i'll be like i'll take them i'll take them one of my friends gave me these jordans they he wore a size two you know a size smaller than me and i squeezed my little foot in there i walked around feet hurting like a mother i got my first breath curled up like a bus i got my first pair of jordans you know what i'm saying and so it was a really cool thing so i always had a cool experience uh um around white people and so when i started seeing the stuff like the black lives matter and all that stuff that it then it really gave me uh a different viewpoint because you will hear a lot of people be like it was almost like this this uh divide this racial divide that we went through how did y'all manage going through that as an interracial couple going through black lives matter protests and all that good stuff i'll start i mean it was real yeah now it was crazy because well we had a moment i'm just gonna i have to interject just one second we had a moment where we like looked at each other and we were like this is crazy that we've already had this conversation because if we hadn't i don't know it was just weird that like we had the conversation then literally like three months later it was all before everyone's eyes and we were like well have fun the rest of the world because we've already been through it thank you what conversation i have what was it so this was in january of 2020 and we you know we had been dating for a few months it was probably like four at that time um and to be honest i mean i never told her this but i'll tell him out it was just like damn i i'm really into this this woman like just i can't deny that i really am was what's holding me back from going all the way in and it was what we talked about before my nieces my nieces my sisters my cousins um and that was how the conversation started because i we literally we were sitting on the floor of my apartment and i told her i said you know i mean i'm in a fortunate position as a person period then as a black man to be where i'm at especially with the organization that i'm with and i know that without necessarily me being my intention i know that there's probably certain people that may look up to me yeah i didn't necessarily want to focus on the public i want to focus on the people that were closest to me but i was aware of other people may look up to me and it was this how would they feel if they see me having starting a family with the woman who doesn't was white yep and we literally sat there and i said i told him that concerns me that's good because i don't want them to feel less i don't want my niece to ask the question what's wrong with me yeah that i don't know if i could curse but that it hurts yeah the thought of that if i could see my my own my niece is asking that question because i love them unconditionally yeah i think they are so beautiful and i want to do everything to bring out that beauty i still will um and so that was the impetus of the conversation that happened back in january and to tell a woman you kind of started feeling maybe uncertain it's one of those moments where you think she might walk away especially when everything is going good because in the beginning everybody's on the best behavior you know and it's nothing but fun right yeah and you're really starting to go check that box check that box and then selling they hit you with something that cannot be changed yes it's something you are born with the only thing that's wrong is just how society views it but it's who you are yeah and it shouldn't be changed it shouldn't be changed and so i had to it was a real for me it was real touch conversation for that reason also too she knew and we grew into this and she knew it already but i'm not changing my blackness and i told i was a black man i experienced everything in black man experience and you're not that's not being taken away yeah right and i'll continue to go through the world like that and our kids will be black so this blackness is real yeah and so we need to see how we gonna do when we talk about these yes um and to her credit she never ran she didn't like when i said i don't know i am concerned i'm not sure right she didn't run she stood there and she wanted she stood there in fact we ended up getting closer because of the not journey of learning available know what i'm saying it's like i ain't never been black before i ain't gonna act like i have so what do y'all go through you know so when a cop stops you you actually physically get nervous psychologically get nervous i i've never experienced that teach me and and that's what it's about and you know what's important in the response that she had which is why i was like okay now my heart come up with a more is people will deny you that experience if they don't understand it yes and that will be the complete i will say goodbye right but she didn't right cause somebody said i don't get that well maybe it was because of this maybe it's because of you maybe this well maybe if you didn't have you right yeah or maybe you were maybe those feelings aren't valid yeah that that didn't occur yeah and so the fact that she she showed me respect right she showed me respect first and she allowed me to express how i felt and my experiences and took them at face value good maddie yes what made you take that approach um was this the first black guy you ever dated uh no i dated one in high school and so did you it's been it was what i'm 33 now so it'd been like a long time a long time and so with the world shaping and changing and evolving and uh racial tension coming to the forefront how did how did you feel a part of that like what what what role did you take when you had this tough conversation with him um i wouldn't necessarily call it well i guess you could call it a roll but i just wanted to listen i just wanted to soak it in and listen there were times where i am i guess we can kind of laugh about it now and i i'm like sometimes i would listen to what he says and then i would i would turn it and white people do this they make it about themselves yeah and they get all emotional and they're like that well i just don't understand it and i would i would do that and it was gross and i didn't i didn't sit with the being uncomfortable for like for like five minutes and just let my body go through that oh i have this like habit of wanting to but i don't get it like i'm so sorry like you just you start apologizing and i had to tell myself like this is not about this isn't about you woman like just sit down sit back and just listen good um so i guess my my role was the listener the supportive partner the yeah just being supportive and listening and not judging and not taking it personally how did your friends respond to y'all's courtship um they were honestly they were just happy that someone was treating me the way they the way that a woman should be treated isn't that what it's really about isn't that crazy because it's like what you really want is somebody just to treat you treat you right yeah treat you right you know so there was no comment of oh but he's black like there was there was none of that because i think they know that i would not speak to them again so if they said it they didn't say it to my face like that she's not gonna fly with me it is what it is um but yeah they they were just happy that i met someone that treated me with respect and he leads with love we talk about that a lot he we love we lead with love and that's something that i have to remind myself daily you know lead with love don't lead with your ego first you gotta lead with love what is something that you would want the the viewers to take away from y'all's love story that's a good question being being vulnerable is important and i would want people to take away that well first of all don't settle ever um don't be with someone who makes you feel like you need to change and like transform into someone else completely in order to please their ego and who they are as a human you find someone like he said who meets you whole you're both two whole humans you come together and you make you make something beautiful right um so that's what i would want people to take away from this is just you know wait for the person who who accepts you for who you are stay cool let love light the way oh yeah let love light the way don't uh deny yourself an opportunity don't deny yourself a blessing that god has presented to you for fear of what someone else may think you will be protected as long as you stand in that space the moment you doubt it is the moment you will possibly lose it so hold your faith in it that that was what was presented for you and honestly people there will be some people who end up respecting you more for it yeah those who won't they just decided they won't and that's fine but you will find yourself in a much better a happier place when you just allow the blessing to come to you let love light the way and and march forward huh lord sometimes you gotta just settle when when when with secret talks you just want to just sit back like yes do you know that's what my friends say about him because he's a man of not a whole lot of words but they they literally say when saku talks i just want to like i just want to stop and really make sure i'm paying attention to what he's saying because it's always good it's like nuggets that you need to put in your pocket yeah yeah exactly like i'm at a spoken word i know i know yeah and it's not just because he's on a podcast either this is how breakfast is i'll be making coffee and i'm like hold on let me go get my pen and paper so i can write down what you just said i would be remiss if i didn't drop this how did he propose you oh god do you have three hours yeah right it takes me forever to tell the story but how many minutes i got two minutes okay i can do it in ten do you want to do it you want me to do it because you're better give me that clean off of it okay clipping ping pong we'll do the pinky yeah okay all right so oh how do i even start um it was in december well first of all we had had a discussion about moving in together earlier on in our relationship and i i had never lived with a man before and i stood firm in my thinking that i did not want to live with the man until i was married just because i had been hurt so many times in the past and i had had an idea about how it was going to go and then it didn't go that way so i'm like i'm not going to do that to myself again so then the world shut down and we both lived in separate places and as um our leases came to an end we had he we had another conversation he was like so what are your thoughts on moving in together and i was like you know because his mom had always told you you know you should live with someone she said you should live with somebody before you get married and it's true you should mom speaks you listen it's true i had a conversation we had a little debate about that i said what what'd your momma say they said that's what she told me i said it's interesting right it's interesting right um and my you know my my mom was trying to give me the respect as a as a grown woman like you make the decision i'm not gonna step in and say no i'm not gonna say you should i'm gonna let you make the decision and i you know so we moved in together on december 5th which was a saturday and he had to do it all because i was working all morning and so he moved us all into the um to our new place and then sunday the next day he proposed so i didn't live with a man uh without a ring on my finger for i was like less than 24 hours when he told me that i was like boy i was like man i know backstory backstory that now why did you do that why did you propose whatever or that that day yeah that way that day uh given the fact about her be cause what you said was something that really was honoring her and how you were telling me that story so why did you propose to her that day well one i wanted to surprise her he did that i knew she wouldn't think the day after we moved but in in and i guess being honest i had already proposed her in my head multiple times so there you go see there you go you playing you over okay i melt every day and that's what i'm like at least five times a day if i'm being honest i've already proposed to her several times in my head this point i'm like let me just go and get it over let me go and realize this thing and so um because it was cool because you had said that she had originally told you her uh those principles i will not live with a guy xyz and then when you told me when she said that she was willing you was like that's it that's the one i'm gonna go ahead and do it and and he wanted to honor you in your decision and his decisions like y'all it was a win-win for both of y'all man and i was just like man that's all right you know what i'm saying it's like it's like with certain stuff happen that's why i said my mind is open to stuff now because first i'll be like no you don't do i'm not living with a woman i'm not going to do that i'm not such a such but then the way he orchestrated was like oh okay this okay that's that's your love story that worked for y'all yeah that's beautiful and it wasn't some long engagement be like yeah i propose to you but we'll get married in about 20 28 20 30. you know what i'm saying you know just don't just hey let's not rush anything you know we're doing well right now yeah you know what i'm saying it wasn't that foolishness going on that he's been the man and saying i'm just not gonna let that ring be something that's that's cute on your finger i'm gonna put some a covenant behind it so shout out to you king appreciate it shout out to you queen heavenly father i thank you right now for this amazing dynamic couple i pray that you cover them from the crown of the head to the soles of their feet protect them lord you said in your word what you had joined together let no man put us under we come against every lie every ill-intentioned uh thought that tries to come against this dynamic couple that tries to destroy them we rebuke that we cancel the assignment lord i lift up matty's health right now in the name of jesus touch your body lord you say in your word that by your stripes she is healed so i speak healing over her right now in the name of jesus let her body regulate and line up with you right now in the name of jesus let them have a dynamic fabulous uh ceremony guy but god i want you to infuse yourself in those vows god and begin to cover them and put a force field around the relationship and protect them lord i even speak to their unborn children god uh that you raise them up to be mighty uh men and women of god lord we thank you right now in the name of jesus for all that you're gonna do in jesus name we pray amen amen amen are y'all active on social media yes she is i'm not you're not so how can people follow you maddie um at the maddie claire on instagram the maddie claire and is it a waste of time for people to follow you yeah don't even look for me true but i just pie post enough about him they can they can follow him don't even look for me but listen y'all give it up y'all give it up for my new homies maddie and sekou ladarian thrusted suddenly into child protective services in 2015. my nephew black a boy the likelihood of being adopted outside of kinship slim to none armani 16 years old black a boy with five years in the foster care system before i even knew his name the likelihood of ever being adopted yep you guessed it slim to none [Music] while lidarian and armani were trying to survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded foster care system i was living my own life doing well professionally having been a single father with a daughter who at that point was doing well in college it was my time to live my life right wrong i felt unsettled tireless agitated there are just too many of our black children stuck in ambiguity and in the limbo of the foster care system in 2017 i legally adopted my nephew lidarian fast forward to 2019 i had no ties to this other young king but i felt god instructed me to adopt him also in our baby starting over with parenting should have been enough right working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young black kings in the foster care system should have decreased my agitation right joining the board of directors of advantage adoption an organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in foster care should have led to some type of resolve right no not at all none of it felt like i had done enough i now realize that every one of those experiences was laying the fundamental foundation for my life's mission kingdom royale kingdom royale will be a luxury state-of-the-art home for foster boys our first location will be in the dallas-fort worth metroplex we will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity empowers them to advocate for themselves and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that they thought were impossible though the young kings will attend the local public schools that are in proximity to kingdom royale our at home curriculum will broaden their world view through participating in the arts attending various cultural events learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts introducing them to gardening and landscaping and even caring for our animals on our farm and on-site staples we just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising 2.8 million dollars now why 2.8 million dollars well in 2017 i created a web series in which i performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community one of the most notable successes was that one of the videos went viral garnering 28 million views however one of my biggest regrets is that i didn't raise a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community so throughout the years with much remorse i reflected on not maximizing that moment i knew if at that time just 10 percent of the viewers donated one dollar we would have raised at least 2.8 million dollars that could have really established long-term support for the homeless community or at least started a long-term initiative to do so this is my do-over this is our new beginning together we can attack this at the root by specifically helping our homeless black boys who are already disproportionately represented in the american foster care system i'm the terrace r whitfield i've been nominated for three regional emmys documenting my work with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey despite those accolades the greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life visit kingdom royale.com for more details crown a king and make a donation today let me tell you something i am so happy that i opened my mind up and removed all biases to actually talk to this couple man sekhoe and maddie man they're a dope couple and i mean i i posted a picture of them on my instagram stories the day they left the studio and i had some followers that was like um i thought you only focus on black love and i said well you know um though this is my personal journey as i discover and uncover and recover love i like gleaning information and just taking a sneak peek into other people's relationships because i find value and love stories and those that have gotten it wrong i find value in that as well and so hopefully you were able to keep your mind open those of you who if you're at this part of the podcast that means you actually watched it so salute to you salute to you for opening up your mind and um allowing yourself to be challenged if you have ideals where you're triggered when you see a black man with a white woman then hopefully this gave you a different perspective because it definitely did that for me so hopefully you guys were blessed by the overflow of my journey well here's my favorite part of the podcast as i speak to my beautiful queen dear future wifey let's be a unified front at all costs let's protect each other's hearts and minds and prioritize the other i love hearing about couples who defy the odds and operate with the audacity of hope i love couples who withstand the test of times and choose each other when the world seeks the demise of their love journeys i love when couples stand 20 toes down and fight impending negativity as a united front come for me you're coming for both that will be us you will be my peace i will be your safety we will be a manifested promise for each other we will be connected by purpose i can't wait to say i love you with an intense stare your future hubby i hope you enjoyed this episode of the dear future wifey podcast remember be lit live intentionally and transparently and don't stop loving make sure to subscribe to our dear future wifey youtube channel we're available on apple podcast google podcast spotify and stitcher we welcome your support simply share our podcast with your friends and family

Channel: Dear Future Wifey

Views: 57,579

Keywords: dallas, love, podcast, relationships, black love matters, black men, Christianity, healing, weddings, marriage

Id: OtutRRlK1nY

Length: 64min 28sec (3868 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 22 2022